Hmmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FEAR ABOUT RELOCATING
Good Day SDK...
Good Day SDK...
Please kindly help me post,I Am currently engaged to the best man ever, we are based in different States though and with what I hear and my fear, I don't want to resign from my banking job to join him Starting a job hunt and knowing a baby may come in scares me.
I want to ask if its okay to still stay in my parents house after the wedding till my transfer works out Which may be a year or 6 months. We've not talked yet on this and I want to know what and how to present it to him.
He is based in Lagos while i am based in Edo state. I know he would support but I don't know how to present it. Renting another place so when he visits me too is another option for privacy but considering cost of rent and furnishing. I still stay with my parents cause of proximity to my workplace. I just want to know how other couples handled this.....
When he visits,you can take him out to Dinner in a very relaxed atmosphere and then bring up the subject,I dont see this being a problem though...tell him about your fears and uncertainties..Others will advice you as well so read on.....
When he visits,you can take him out to Dinner in a very relaxed atmosphere and then bring up the subject,I dont see this being a problem though...tell him about your fears and uncertainties..Others will advice you as well so read on.....
In anything you do don't leave your job to marry
ReplyDeleteYou can leave you job if he is bucksed, eg working in Mobil, but if it is this our 100k-300k jobs, dont leave your job oooo.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Delete15:47, thank you. Poster if he doesn't work with an IOC then hold onto your job
DeleteDon't resign your work.
DeleteMy friend that left her job to jump into marriage is still sleeping at home in Benin.
DeleteBenin DRRRRYYYYYY die! I mean dry. No job. Highest teaching job is 30k! Except u hv plans for business. Why not encourage him to come base in Lagos. Abeg no resign oo. Except u won smell ur ass.
Goodluck
Better find a way to communicate your fears to him.. If you can't talk seamlessly to him now, is it after the wedding.
ReplyDeleteYou can do the talk when he is relaxed and in a happy mood.
I honestly think that is a red flag, you have been in a long distance relationship with someone and you are about to get married without discussing this, what then do you guys talk about when planning your future together , I hope you are not in a master/servant kinda relationship o, don’t get married to someone you can’t talk to because life always comes with issues and communication is key.
DeleteI agree with you anon 17:44. Imagine afraid of discussing what is important to her. This is a case of I must marry.
DeletePoster go and examine why you are scared of approaching your fiance with what you have told us. Settle this ish before you tie the knot.
DeleteNo matter what you do, don't quit your job. If transfer comes fine, if not, rent a place.
ReplyDeleteSo if transfer never comes she should live separately from her husband for how long?
DeleteFrom his reaction you will now know if he is the best man as you have stated up there. Stay with your parents while you await transfer. Don’t quit job yet since he does not have any for now. I feel he will understand sha. All the best.
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all! Just discuss with him..He should be your friend..A friend is someone who you shouldn't be afraid to be yourself...Please go ahead and tell him your fears and both of you can come out with an action plan..Make sure you have concluded on the job transfer first before you move to Lagos..Ask your boss how long its gonna take for your transfer to be finalized? then tell him it will take 6 months e.t.c..Be specific on the time frame...Be free with him if as you said he is the best guy..Always communicate! Communicate!! Communicate!!! It kills assumption..All the best..
ReplyDeleteYour last line 👌
Deletebrb
ReplyDeleteI understand you cos I've been there. Leave fear aside and talk to your man.
ReplyDeleteIt's not advisable for you to quit your job cos you will need it. Lagos is something else, talk to him. I wish you well.
Shouldn't be a problem if you both discuss it. Nothing wrong in staying with your parents if that is the convenient thing to do. It is only an insecure man that will have an issue with all these.
ReplyDeletePoster is worried about how they will gbensh in her mother's house.
DeleteI love you poster, *covers face*
Please if you are marrying this man,
ReplyDeleteyou are setting up a different home with him.
Home away from your parents.
Open up discussions with him. Courtship is for discussions like this, followed by agreements.
If he is a noble man (marrying a noble you of course 😊😊), then, he will not only "seek his own," but your
own good. "For Love seeks not his own" 1 Cor. 13.
Please The two of you will become one
and do not in anyway, at any time
bring in your parents into the unity.
Marriage and Love is all about sacrifices...either can do that.
How I handled it.
My fiance knowing that my income was more, had to stay home for sometime to babysit our kids.
Then he began working after we had adopted a girl old enough to do that.
His work being more flexible (chosen by reasoning and sound judgment), he
took care of the baby while my first daughter (adopted) went to school.
That phase is long past.
All the best.
😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
Pray first. Then discuss with him. Highlight the current economic situation of the country and why it would be beneficial you already have a job before you move. Don't make it sound like an ultimatum.
ReplyDeleteI'm personally not comfortable with a woman having no source of income before marriage. However, not all women who got married without a job or who got married and had to leave their jobs regretted it. That's because they married supporting men.
You're right about not all women who left their jobs before marriage regretted it. I left my job and relocated to a small state and my partner supported for years with out complain till I got a job. We are fine by God's grace.
DeleteExactly poster. The ideal thing is for you to be earning money before marriage but it doesn't always work out for everyone. Do not take every advice here directly. Just consider your man's personality and also what will work best for your situation. Living separately after marriage has also broken a lot of unions before they even begin. So these are all what you should consider and decide what is priority for you. Most importantly, take it to God in prayer.
DeleteSis,I would advise you wait for transfer. 6months to 1year is not too much. You should have talked about it by now, but still, it's not late. This is your future, so please, be very upfront about it. Tell him you would want to wait for the transfer to pull through before you relocate because it's difficult to get a job, seeing how the country is at the moment. You can visit him some weekends and he can also visit as well. No need to leave your parents place, when he visits, you guys put up in a hotel for the days he would he around.(I'm guessing he is also working) so, visits shouldn't take so long. I relocated and it's been 5years of being a stay at home wife. Don't let it be your story.Its difficult, especially when pregnancy comes knocking. You will forget about job searching and concentrate on having babies. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all..pls follow her advice and all the best
ReplyDeleteThis shouldn't be hard, my darling esp since it's a temporary decision with your transfer in the works.
ReplyDeleteHow to tell him? Just do it. It's gonna come up eventually anyway. 🤷🏻♀️
It's cheaper to stay with your folks until you can afford not to.
First of all, congratulations on your engagement.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a supporter of long distance marriages so You both need to compromise.
You can nicely tell him you love your job but your transfer might take a while so plans might need to hold on a bit but if he can find you a job here in Lagos, good too.
Don't marry, stay in Edo and leave him in Lagos if not another chronicle might land o. It's a dangerous move. And don't leave your job too esp since you don't have a side hustle.
Speak to him about your tot, I can't see any problem here. Its very important you keep your job too. #spotremover#
ReplyDeleteIf you're certain he will support it then present it and soon too. The how shouldn't be a problem provided you're not rude, condescending or entitled. Begin now that you're single to apply for a transfer so the waiting time can begin counting immediately.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your engagement.
It’s not a bad idea staying with ur parents. Whenever he comes to see u, u can stay in a hotel for the few days. Discuss it with him. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI will advise you to wait for your transfer. If he agrees whenever he comes visiting which might be a weekend staycation, you guys can lodge in an affordable hotel. In doing that you will avoid the incurred expenditure of renting and furnishing an apartment by staying with your parents till the transfer comes.
ReplyDeleteDont be received. The best man narrative you painted here may just he a far cry. Men these days are not be trusted. Mine went from being the best man (who I would have sworn by my life that won't cheat) to a chronic cheat who can't take his eyes off women, even when I am there. Now i s this uncertainty worth sacrificing your job after? Dont quit! Rent a place after your wedding and continue with your job. If the transfer comes, congrats, else continue with the job. Leave only when you have a job waiting for you I'm his base
ReplyDeleteKeep quiet and stop projecting your life on her abeg! Your man was always a cheat but you refused to see that part because you were desperate to marry. Allow her make her decisions as you people and your husbands are not the same. There are still many men that can be trusted.
Delete*deceived *in
ReplyDeleteYou can lodge in an Airbnb accommodation, when he comes to visit you. Airbnb is Cheaper than hotels and it is a home setting, with kitchen and living room.download the app you will see different houses and prices to choose from and in any location of your choice.
ReplyDeleteI will suggest you work on your transfer first before even talking about marriage. After you get married now,babies will be the next thing and that may affect your job. I suggest you prayerfully work on your transfer and put everything in God's hands. Tell your fiance about your decision when he is in a good mood. Cheers
ReplyDeleteWhy do you find it difficult to communicate with your partner at this level? Communication is key in every relationship and you should be able to discuss this issue freely with him without holding back. Talk to him nicely ,work out a plan together. You can prayerfully work on your transfer to pull through before fixing a date for the wedding ,who knows ,it may come earlier than 6 months, or you stay in your parent's place after marriage but whatever your decisions together, don't leave your job o. It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteBring up this topic now so it wont cause problems in future. Also, there's nothing wrong in living in your parents' house, don't waste money on another apartment. When he comes, na hotel una go shag wella. Congratulations on your wedding!!!
ReplyDeletePoster please take it to God in prayer to direct and put the right words in your mouth, after which you discuss it with him,after which you can start working on your transfer cos marriage is all about companionship first before anything else.
ReplyDelete