STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LAZY AND IRRITATING HUSBAND
Good day Stella, straight to my story. My marriage was kind of a match making by both parents but at Long run I fell in love with him or maybe because I had just left a relationship and the guy had proposed to his girlfriend and I was desperate for marriage to 'pepper' my ex. Pls note that I was the only 1 working at that time and my husband was just hustling and making small small money but I didn't mind as long as I was married.
After a while I got him a job but was in another state. In between, I was pregnant and lost the pregnancy. I weighed my options and decided to quit my job and move to be with him as cost of living was more cheaper in his state. Getting there, jobs were not forth coming, I was ttc, I tried and tried and it turned to frustration. My husband wasn't helping matters as he would always remind me of my joblessness, get angry when am watching tv or even quick to hit me at any slight provocation. He even beat me up 1 time because of a side chick saying if i cant give him a child, she will.
Good day Stella, straight to my story. My marriage was kind of a match making by both parents but at Long run I fell in love with him or maybe because I had just left a relationship and the guy had proposed to his girlfriend and I was desperate for marriage to 'pepper' my ex. Pls note that I was the only 1 working at that time and my husband was just hustling and making small small money but I didn't mind as long as I was married.
After a while I got him a job but was in another state. In between, I was pregnant and lost the pregnancy. I weighed my options and decided to quit my job and move to be with him as cost of living was more cheaper in his state. Getting there, jobs were not forth coming, I was ttc, I tried and tried and it turned to frustration. My husband wasn't helping matters as he would always remind me of my joblessness, get angry when am watching tv or even quick to hit me at any slight provocation. He even beat me up 1 time because of a side chick saying if i cant give him a child, she will.
Stella at this point I was broken. I would pray, fast, nothing was forthcoming. I lost my self, my confidence, everything. I couldn't leave because I had nothing.
I decided to keep myself busy. Did a lot of online courses started doing side business which got me little money. I stopped spending all my time praying and crying. I focused all that energy to becoming better. I started gaining my confidence back. Then luck shone on me and I got a very good paying job. Double of my husband's income. I stopped having his time and focused all my energy on my work and i was loving every moment. In Spite of this, I still cooked his meal and cleaned the home but I wasn't just into s#x and all because I saw it as a chore because I was ttc. He started irritating me. I tried to make it work but I was far gone. We have been going back and forth on this.
Fast forward to some years, he lost his job. In this covid 19, my contract also ended but i saved up some money and doing side hustles now. So we had to relocate to his father's house. It's a free house and only us here. So no stress of anyone disturbing me. But this man is so relaxed. Even to apply for jobs he expects me to do it for him. He sits on his computer aimlessly, plays video games and wakes up 2pm in the afternoon sometimes. He isn't pushful, nothing. Because he doesn't have bills to pay.
I decided to keep myself busy. Did a lot of online courses started doing side business which got me little money. I stopped spending all my time praying and crying. I focused all that energy to becoming better. I started gaining my confidence back. Then luck shone on me and I got a very good paying job. Double of my husband's income. I stopped having his time and focused all my energy on my work and i was loving every moment. In Spite of this, I still cooked his meal and cleaned the home but I wasn't just into s#x and all because I saw it as a chore because I was ttc. He started irritating me. I tried to make it work but I was far gone. We have been going back and forth on this.
Fast forward to some years, he lost his job. In this covid 19, my contract also ended but i saved up some money and doing side hustles now. So we had to relocate to his father's house. It's a free house and only us here. So no stress of anyone disturbing me. But this man is so relaxed. Even to apply for jobs he expects me to do it for him. He sits on his computer aimlessly, plays video games and wakes up 2pm in the afternoon sometimes. He isn't pushful, nothing. Because he doesn't have bills to pay.
Am the hustler. I do lot of side hustles and go out to meet people for business which annoys him so much.
Now he keeps complaining he wants a child. Told him that s not my priority now. How would we take care of the child with nothing? He said when the child comes it would push him to hustle more. Told him to start NOW. See am scared of poverty o. i want the best for myself and my family.
Now he keeps complaining he wants a child. Told him that s not my priority now. How would we take care of the child with nothing? He said when the child comes it would push him to hustle more. Told him to start NOW. See am scared of poverty o. i want the best for myself and my family.
My mentality has so changed. I don't know how I got here. But am well read now, versatile more confident and intelligent. Am more focused on my goals and making money. I don't want mediocrity anymore. His attitude pushed me to look out for myself first before anyone. To hustle like mad and be the best of the best. Is it a bad thing? At this point I have tried to make it work, but nothing. Am now so ambitious. I just want to live my life, single, be happy, hustle, relax, enjoy and when I need kids, I can do surrogacy or adopt. This life is too short to be unhappy.
Since I started hustling and making my own cash, he has changed and wants me more. He is actually not a bad person when he has, he gives me well. Can be loving and caring. But at the same time aggressive, insecure and not pushful at all. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want people to feel I left because he has no job. No, the love has been long lost and I find solace in my work, hustle and studies. I have tried to patch things up it's not working so I want to take a walk.
Since I started hustling and making my own cash, he has changed and wants me more. He is actually not a bad person when he has, he gives me well. Can be loving and caring. But at the same time aggressive, insecure and not pushful at all. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want people to feel I left because he has no job. No, the love has been long lost and I find solace in my work, hustle and studies. I have tried to patch things up it's not working so I want to take a walk.
Am I overreacting? pls advice me.
*If you are over reacting?Nah I am even irritated with these kind of stories.....Why are some men so lazy?And then he wants you to get pregnant?Dont do it oh....Before you attempt to leave,have a talk on everything with him and tell him how you feel and then see what he does......
Maybe if you first threaten to leave he will sit up!!!
I'm just glad you were able to add value to yourself during the time of his nonsense. Now you are hot cake, use it to your advantage. Can you give him another chance if it won't hurt you? Like Stella said, you can talk to him or threaten him and see if he would change.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad too, that she chose not to be miserable because of anyone but instead start putting herself first!!
DeleteWaooooooo nice hustling spirit
DeleteYou got him his first job, DON'T DO IT AGAIN❗
DeleteNobody spoonfeeds an adult. Besides, at your lowest point, he didn't reciprocate rather he got violent, abusive and unfaithful.
IF THAT SIDE-CHIC HAD A BABY FOR HIM WOULD HE STILL BE LOVINGLY HOLDING YOURS HANDS THROUGH YOUR TTC?
Your marriage was unfortunately based on the wrong foundation. You two did not bother to find out if you have similar dreams, aspirations and drive.
Please, have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him what you want for your future.
If he doesn't want to step up, girl set your sail and chase your dreams. THE WIND HAS CHANGED DIRECTION.
I think the issue here is majorly that you don't love this man. He was your rebound after break up. You have healed and everything about him irritates you now.
DeleteThat notwithstanding he is lazy!
But if you have all that drive you wrote up there, you can actually have a perfect home with this your good man if you push him.
Stop following stereotypes and work out your own salvation. Be each other's strength in weakness. It's when you've pushed and he doesn't want to move, you let him go.
But if you truly are tired, don't force it. just go
Working out her salvation by pushing the lazy...do you talk from both sides of your mouth gush
DeleteGood man that beat her up till she fell in love with job and hustle and stopped sending him
DeleteI love you guts...😁 i wish most women in situationships had your kinda liver.
ReplyDeleteposter move on, dont limit yoursef to a lazy man, he will so demote your life. that was how my mum tolerated my dads excuse and 35 years after , my mum is still giving my dad pocket money, imagine that , because why , he is extremely lazy and refuse to work and my mum refused to leave him because she believes marriage is eternity. but you know what, my mum is all worn out and looking like a 70 years old at just 58 , not progressing because she married a lazy asshole as a husband and father of her kids. dont bring children in poverty you hear
ReplyDelete@callmeabby how could you be calling a man that gave you birth all those insults. My dear easy okay, he's still your father.
DeleteYour own father, asshole? Jeez!
DeleteNa wa oh..Children of nowadays. You come online to call your own father all those unprintable names??? I pray for you truly cos I can already see the type of spouse or parent you will be.
DeleteThat's the sentiment with our African culture. Somebody lived an experience and you think you are in the right position to shush her on what name to call the people that affected her life. If Africans realise that they will reap only what they have sowed, they will sit up and be more responsible and accountable. If you know that at death, you will be called the name you acquired by the life you lived, you will do better instead of being assured that "don't speak ill of the dead" will cover your woes.
Delete@callmeabby please don't mind 15.33.
Saphire..stopeet biko. You people and your inferiority complex mentality. This one is not African thing. Being respectful is a universal value that every human being should have. We should not only respect our fellow human beings but much more our elders not to talk of your parents. Even the Bible says it that you should honour your father and your mother and your days shall be long. Yes she/he has a right to feel bad towards her/his dad but coming online to spew such about him is definitely casting negative aspersions on his/her self.
DeleteFathers, don't make your children bitter about life. Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction. Ephesians 6v4 NET Bible.
DeleteOkay... you Anon's should leave @Callmeabby alone.
She's angry with her dad.
This is not about respect eventhough we know respect is EARNED no matter who you are, young or old. This is about an individual that has affected her outlook in life and have damaged her mother, the one person who came through for her.
DeletePlease leave her alone to vent biko.
When it comes to parents you must keep mute but if it were an abusive and irresponsible spouse you will all gather to help her choose befitting unprintable names suitable for him, her husband o, who is supposed to be the head/king of her family.
Double standard oshi.
@callmebaby you just described my father. He too is a lazy fool. Imagine that he once tried to subtly seduce me. Dirty pig with an ugly face. He has never worked in his life. My mother sent him abroad at least 4 times and all he could do was sleep with different women and do drugs. I'm even ashamed to call him my father. To everyone saying that just because one person is older we should not chastise them or call them for who they are I pray that if there is a next life you will have a useless man as your father. I still don't understand why my mom refused to divorce that fool that calls himself my father. He even tried to sell my mother's house. A house he did not contribute even a dime to build. Abeg he is just a dirty pig, a lazy fool that should have never been allowed to have children . At least I would have not been born and would have not suffered in this life. As it is I am fatherless and motherless. I disown both of my parents because my mother too should have chosen a better man to marry but no, look at what excuse of a human being I have as a father🤢🤮
DeleteYour mom is truly a very strong woman.
DeleteHow about single hardworking women that later look for any available man to get pregnant for or even adopt? If you were my sister, I'll advice you thus:
ReplyDeleteYou can take it that his only usefulness is to be your baby daddy without raising any 'societial' eyebrow. At the same time, don't feel pressured to get a baby. If you know you can live your life with so much joy without a child, then don't bother. I guarantee you that the joy that having a child/children brings is indescribable.
Weigh your options carefully. If you can solely take care of a child and will be miserable later in life without one, just use the deadbeat. If not, enjoy yourself how you deem fit
Hello, first time of commenting
DeleteMrs E poster's hubby could also be the reason she hasn't conceived because his side-chic didn't conceive by him either. 🤷♀️
DeleteAnnoying! You want to stay because of what people will say. Deep down you want to leave. Enjoy the suffering of being Mrs
ReplyDeleteYou are no over reacting. Did he have a job when you met him? If people say you left him because he doesn’t have a job , it’s okay. Look out for yourself , no one else will !!!!
ReplyDeleteWe all get to this point of wanting our quiet place.. But then again breaking away isn’t the solution.. Try to make it work against all odds.. There is no perfect man out there. Peace
ReplyDeleteWhy not tell us that this man is no longer rich or is not giving you money to
ReplyDeletespend on your frivolities instead of branding him with names?
Greedy.
You are truly dumb. Hope you will learn from the story and improve yourself. The problem is you can’t read or understand so I am guessing you are doomed.
DeleteHe wasn't rich from the start and never was. In fact, HE WAS JOBLESS until she got him his first job... and.. guess what?! HE GOT HIMSELF A SIDE-CHIC!
DeleteSilly❗
A woman can actually be the breadwinner in the family, I don't see anything wrong with that but her partner must be willing to take on the roles traditionally assigned to wives. That would be his contribution to the success of the marriage.
ReplyDeleteLol....
Anyway, my point is, knowing his weaknesses and your strengths, both of you can make it work. Even if a child motivates him to hustle, it is going to be temporary because a man so unambitious and lackadaisical about his responsibilities would be totally unreliable. But you married him and you don't seem like a quitter so it behooves you both to do your best and this might include exploring options off the beaten path.
Congratulations for making such huge strides in your personal development. That is quite inspiring.
Goodluck!
If a man says he wants to leave his wife because she is lazy I will think he has got an ulterior motive.
ReplyDeleteYou said this man is generally a good man, he needs a bit of push, then push him. He is your husband. You can apply for jobs for him, you can tell him what courses to do to Improve himself. You can help each other succeed In life. You can be his driving force.You can spice up your marriage. You can manage each other's weakness.
If you do all these and he doesn't change, you can give up on him.
You can have It all, kids, career and a happy marriage.
I am not in your shoes so It is just an advise. If your mind is made up then all the best.
I can leave and would leave a woman cuz she is lazy. It's one thing to try and fail,and not even trying at all. I hate that 'i can't come and kill myself mentality'. How does a man see his wife push herself hard to improve herself and be slobbing about. What is your claim to being the head of the house? Madam walk away. Who you choose as a partner, to a large extent, determines how far you go in life.
DeleteGood advice.... She can also pee for him.
DeleteWhat did he do when she got him his first job? Beat her up. Got a side-chic. Threaten to have a baby with side-chic...just that he COULDN'T!
What is he doing now? Learning a skill? Studying? Cooking and cleaning the house? No! Loafing? YES!
Poster, pray and hope for the day HE WAKES UP BY 2PM to SOME COOL CASH so he could spend on you.
In the meantime, you could CHOOSE to BABYSIT a grown man.
If we all bailed out over every issue we faced in our respective marriages, marriage will be extinct and that is the truth.
DeleteThere is no perfect marriage or perfect spouse, trust me.
I am not team die in a marriage regardless of whatever you are facing but I believe these sort of issues like the potter's one is not a hopeless situation. If they both work on their issues and flaws, they could be in a better place.
Not every issue in marriage should lead to separation or divorce.
You want to know the truth?
ReplyDeleteYou are leaving him because your love for him went with
the loss of his job and the monies he was giving you!
Same thing you do not want people to say is the reason why
you are leaving him. If this man gets a job that pays twice
what you earn like you did, you will stick and "love him again,"
Remember that you told us initially that you wanted to
"TAKE A WALK BUT COULD NOT BECAUSE YOU HAD NOTHING?"
Now, you are taking a walk because, you think you have something?
Let me tell you a piece of news;
"money develop wings and vanishes..."Prov. 23:5
Yes, you are free to do whatever you want but know that "in all these,
God will bring you to judgment" Eccl. 11:9.
As for your mission here, the chanters will chant, "leave him, be happy,
make more money..." Yes, you will achieve your aim.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Her love didn't die because of the absence of a job. It died because he had hurt her feelings alot of times and brought her down emotionally. It is so easy for people to just open their mouth and judge people based face value. Do you know how hurt she must have been when he hit her because of side chic or the time when he mocked her for being jobless, or the statements he made then that cut her deep. She is very hurt and it is even beyond money. Even if he gets a job, she may still be tired of the marriage.
DeletePoster, I am not supposed to drop my advice under this womans thread but I can't type plenty times. Please forgive him and give him one more chance, let go of all his past hurt towards you and relate with him like you just met and started dating. Forgive him and try one last time. Put in your last effort to make it work this time... If it turns out to be loss and no improvement then move on with your life.
@Y
DeleteThat's exactly the point!
When he hit her because of side chick (deal breaker for any woman),
she did not leave him because "she had nothing."
Now, she is leaving because? Yes, she has something and he has nothing.
That is the truth. The man did wrong, but the lady isn't right either.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Anon 15:40, your unintelligence makes me cringe!
DeleteThanks for your comments on this matter. The way marriage is trivialized most times on this blog scares me. But you have been consistent on the sanctity of marriage and encouraging readers to look up to Jesus Christ. Well done.
DeleteDid you actually read carefully her post?
Deletewhenever a woman tells me "at slight provocation,"
ReplyDeleteHmm, it is strong!
Having no job is not enough to break up your marriage, that is a situation that can change with the right attitude.
ReplyDeleteYou should put him on the hot seat relentlessly on the job issue and don’t bring a child in unless you have made your peace with catering for the kid alone (financially). You should also try to forgive him for the past hurt. You are yet to and that’s why your approach to this issue is to ultimately walk away from the marriage. Talk to him about all your pains and bitterness and how he didn’t treat you well those years, then forgive him.
I hate it when women say their husband insults them because they are jobless and/or ttc, hits them, had a side chick(s), then say "he's a good man".
ReplyDeleteSeriously,Are you mad?
Stories like this tho... it’s well...
ReplyDeleteWhy will a man not be up and doing?
Poster your happiness should come first before anything, if you cannot be with this man anymore. Please share grace in fellowship with him
ReplyDeleteLol poster you are joking.
ReplyDeleteYou better die there with him.
You married him to pepper your ex yes? So why do you want to leave him now? Cause he isn’t doing well anymore?
Don’t get me wrong I’m glad you are doing well for yourself right now, but you have to ride this tide with him.
You should know there’s always a repercussion for the decision you made marrying him out of spite for your ex.
Just keep working on yourself and who knows his time may come again....You said it yourself that when he has money, he takes care of his responsibilities yes?
Please just make your marriage enjoyable again.
Apply for job for him if you need to.
I won’t advise you leave just yet.
Because she made a mistake doesnt mean she or any child she has should suffer the consequences for the rest of their lives. No child should be brought up into a toxic situation.
DeleteThe fact that he beats or used to beat is enough for her to leave! I cannot imagine living in the same house with soneone who hits me.... nevers!. Maybe she couldnt leave before but now she can!
Since he values you now that you placed value on yourself, now is the time to give him a push.
ReplyDeletePoster please take the advice of Mrs E
ReplyDeleteI know this type of men. Truth is they never change. Always waiting for their wife to handle things. Poster Pls just take care of urself I beg. I married this type and the thank u I got was a child outside after I Had given him 3 beautiful children. Now I take care of my children and that’s it. Once a lazy man, always a lazy man!!!
ReplyDeleteSteeellaaaa
ReplyDeleteNo one can respect and love their partner if they're talking about them like this. "I gave him a job", "I married him to pepper my ex". Poster, do what you want but I feel like you have not learned your lessons.
ReplyDelete