Most children naturally take a liking to and bond more with the less strict parent. They can coax, sulk and plead their way out of any offence, including getting anything they want.
My dad was the less strict one and we got away with so many things. We joked with him, threw tantrums when he sent us on 'hard' chores and he rarely punished us.
My mum on the other hand was a terror to reckon with, she was the 'Indaboski bahose', 'a war and a fight' and there was no negotiating with her on any of her laid down rules. In fact, Trevor Noah's mum was a learner to mine and we nicknamed her 'Agu Nwanyi' (lioness) based on the way she pummeled us when we committed an offense.
At a point, we assumed she hated us and we told our dad we didn't like her.
It was only after we lost our dad that we understood she had our best interests at heart and was only prepping us to face the harsh realities of life.
As a parent now, I try my best to balance the role of disciplinarian and friend to my kids because it's very easy to go overboard with these roles.
*Lucky you,both mine were strict.....horribly strict...Infact if i remember how many times my ears were pulled eh,its a wonder i still have ears oh...
My father was calm my mom was fire, as in fire. I thank her foe her strictness and it worked foe her but i cant train a child the way she did me. Today's child would rebel with such madness
ReplyDeleteMy mother was very strict to the extent that uptill today,I rarely gist with her.she shouts and flocks at any slightest provocation. She doesn't use eye to see me as I rest, she will just remember to send me on an errand. I didn't experience love growing up even though I was the last girl.it affects me seriously now cos my husband always says I'm not romantic. He won't understand shaa,u can only give what u have!
DeleteSo true Miss Ess, if children of today go through what we went through they would leave their parents house and not return. They were too strict biko.
DeleteIt affected interacting with them and other people, you couldn't confide in them, you were raped by a close family member but you couldn't tell them because they would turn it against you because of their strictness. No, i wont tow such way of discipline.
My husband is the very calm and gentle one and I love the bond and relationship that exists between him and the children, I am the noise maker and lioness but as my children are growing I have began to give myself brain and caution them with love so that they are free to tell me anything as they are growing really fast cos this abroad fit scare person. We have been able to balance it and I thank God.
DeleteMay God help us all.
It shouldn't be one way..There is a time to apply both measures instead of being one of the divide..May God give wisdom to all parents..
ReplyDeleteMy dad is the strict one and i can still remember all the beating that i got from him whilst i was young.😂😂😂
DeleteMy dad is extremely strict o. It's far better for mum to be strict than dad. But if the father of the house is strict... Just forget it lol. Even as grown ups... We still fear him. But one thing I noticed... It made us well behaved and lots more that I can't mention here. Thank you daddy and mummy
ReplyDeleteNa my papa strict colleague be that.
DeleteBut see I and my siblings all well behaved now
@euphemia I completely understand what you're saying 😂😂😅
Delete"it's a wonder I still have ears"😂😂😂. So Stella, you were stubborn? My sister's hubby is strict towards their kids, but she is STRICT,and they bond with her more than their Dad. I grew up with my Grandma, she was strict but very loving. I chop cane wella, no effect again, I was "promoted" to pick pin. That's like the worst punishment ever (after squatting). She will then explain to you why she punished/caned you. May she continue to rest in peace. 🙏
ReplyDeleteMrs. Dee, thank God for your mom.
ReplyDeleteYou probably are a disciplined parent today because of her.
Mine did same to me and I respect her today.
A lot of today's moms don't care.
They are more concerned about latest
instagram post or BBN's who had sex in
the house. The kids can go anywhere, browse anything or run into trucks for
all they care. It is so sad. If the
teacher dared discipline the rude spoilt brats they send to school,
they will come for fight with the teacher.
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Hahahaha. Stella ooo. Its a wonder l still have ears. Lol. Being at a balance is the key. My dad is a WAR. He used me to experiment how to be a father. His does and don't are more than the ten commandments. Immediately after secondary school. I did not tell anyone. I chose a higher institution very far from my state. But the thought of his words and beatings did not allow me enjoy university life. My mum is kind but l love my dad more now
ReplyDeleteStella upon all the ear pulling you still be case!
ReplyDeleteThere's definitely a balance, I hate extremes. To the proper degree, that's my motto when it comes to discipline.
However, I feel sorry for these 'modern' parents who think physical discipline is bad. Like my people will say, una go see wood cook am.
Spare the rod...
The 'Indaboski bahose' part got me laughing loud. Discipline is good but the extreme part is what we see these days where parents use hot iron on their kids or chain them. That's child abuse. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
ReplyDeleteBalance in parenting is key. Don't be too strict to the point where you push your wards away and don't be too lenient to the point where they will take you for granted. Our Nigerian parents especially mums just think it's about being terror to their wards before respect can be earned.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is children fear the ones who are less strict with them over time and give the attitude of 'what's the worst they can do' to the strict ones.
Your last paragraph is a lie
DeleteYour last paragraph no follow, my neighbors 7&4yrs old kids speak to their mum anyhow,especially the 7yrs daughter, cos she hardly beat them. You have to be strict with kids but afterwards show them love. #spotremover#
DeleteMy dad hardly beats you, he is always reasoning and talking, but the day he will beat you ehnnnn, just know that you won't walk for one week 😅
ReplyDeleteBut my mom, 😮😮😮heyy God, any small thing broom, stick, cane belt, hand, chaii, no only knife she no use.
They will be plucking broom sticks from your body self😌😌😥😥😪
I will rather be a combination of both for my children,too much of everything is bad.
ReplyDeleteMy parents were not really strict,
ReplyDeleteMy mum was hard on me tho, she be like oburo na bem ka i ga ana ni iyi! Meaning it is not in my house you will become useless! M ga kpiakpu gi mmuo ojoo ahu n'achu gi meaning i will flog out that evil spirit that is disturbing you.
Onyinye isi na isi nye ite n'oku na olehu oku n'kpafutahee meaning must whatever you cook get burnt?🤣🤣🤣 i was always burning food eh.
You fuck up, she wee not even chase you like Trevor Noah's mum o🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, na only you go dey run, later when you have forgotten she wee catch you and mend you very well, Mumsy wey dey wake person from sleep to receive lashes! Ha! She beat me tire and just like you Mrs. Dee i began to wonder if she is truly my mother. Now we are bffs😀
I am daddy's girl, highest punishment is to kneel down, if you fuck up, you kneel on gravel( he had a bag full of gravel).
God bless the soul of my loving parents. My mum was the fire fire, you can chop slap anywhere - there was a time she used slap to embarrass me in the presence of one boy I was crushing on in my area.
ReplyDeleteMy dad on the other hand was very cool (my brother took after him) we always run to him when our soldier mum want to deal with us and he resuces us. I remember the only time he ever beat me was with a Dunlop slippers on my palm when I and my elder brother had a misunderstanding and my mouth was sharp like razor.
Dearest mum and dad continue to rest in the bossom of the Lord. I miss you dearly.
Rip to your parents
DeleteThank you Gifty.
DeleteMay their souls continue to rest in perfect peace
DeleteAmen, thank you @ Anon16:00
DeleteBefore two consenting adults decide to get married, it is true that it all boils down to love but love is only a part of the picture.
ReplyDeleteParenting method is one factor that is difficult to discuss prior to tiring the knot although every individual can assume the sorta of parent they'd like to be. But like the famous saying, the future is uncertain.
Whatever parenting method you decide on prior to having kids, it should easily be adaptable to generational changes and changes to the behavior of the child you're blessed with.
Some kids suffer from ADHD, autism, down syndrome, dyslexia etc. A part of the physical manifestation of these mental disorder is perceived stubborness. Most parents get fed up with their kids at this stage since they are unable to comprehend why their kid wouldn't just listen to them or do better in school.
Without meaning to, unenlightened parent become abusive thereby creating a rift between themselves and their kids.
Again, some kids a narcissistic and/or sociopathic in nature. Whatever the case may be, it is very important to study your child; their weaknesses, strength, creativity, imagination etc.
No parent is 100% perfect or special, we all try our best with assistance from family or other social institutions.
There's a reason grandparents make better parents than mum and dad. They've made the mistakes 1,2,3,4...times. They understand the plight of your child than you do (in most cases).
Don't fret, just be sure that you train your child with love for self and others and leave the rest to God. With the exception of abusive parenting, there's no wrong or right way to train up a child. We are all learning while trying not to accidently traumatize our kids
My mom was harsh,same with my dad,but my dad treated us like he hated us.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in such training,the memories I have with my dad laughing can be counted while with my mom,it's endless.
I rarely beat my kids now,we hug and kiss alot.
We gist,and I always encourage them to tell me how they feel.
I was not really beaten as a child,im sill young sha but I feel most of my generation people say they won't eat their children not because our parents necessarily beat us but because we did not have that personal relationship that we wanted with our parents.so automatically we think it's cause we were beaten that we don't have that we wanted with our parents ,so we don't want to beat out children so they don't have to go through that.but I believe in balance I can cultivate a healthy relationship and still spank my kids ,it's not a ticket to them not being close to me.and that what this generation do not understand
ReplyDeleteChop kiss😘😘😘
Interesting topic.
ReplyDeleteI am both to my children, when there's a need for correction/spanking,I do not hesitate to do so. I however bond with them nicely,we talk about everything. Sometimes one needs to be firm with these children.
Parenting is no joke, may God help us.
My both parents were strict.
ReplyDeleteMy dad hardly talks but use the cane regularly.
My mum was a combination of cane and talk.
It made me know how to mind my business.
My folks still fault my upbringing pattern with my kids till today.
hmmmmm my mum she's the Margret Thacher of Africa,but she is calme now.
ReplyDeleteMy mother's strictness/harshness when i was younger was bad,probably why I'm an introvert.I still have some scars on my skin till date from her beatings,old age has mellowed her down now and in her grandchildren's eyes,she can do no wrong.I tell them their grandma is a woman preparing for heaven oo,no more gangsta🤣,i believe that was the right way they thought they could bring up children.
ReplyDeleteI sincerely feel bad for the next generation. Many of them are not well trained because their parents think their parents were too strict. Growing up, when you see someone older than you, you greet. Your teachers or principals can discipline you in front of your parents and no one is attacking them. But today, the children are staring at you as if waiting for you to greet them first. They have a silly sense of entitlement that their parents have instilled on them. Today's teachers can barely correct the kids otherwise, their parents can use their clout to get them fired.
ReplyDeleteYes, some parents were overly strict or just plain wicked or abusive but modern parents need to be careful else they will raise badly behaved entitled adults who will be unprepared for the harsh realities of life
Gbam
DeleteGod bless you! Some Modern mothers are raising badly behaved kids. Very sad something. When I was little I would greet anybody and anything greetable, I grew up with it. Mum taught us to be respectful and not take what doesn't belong to us. My mum raised us well all 4 of us, even tho my dad got a transfer to Abj, she used iron hands on us. Today we are grateful for it. Some parents dont even teach their little kids how to greet. Ah! My neighbors daughter will be telling her mum if I slap you, be going joor, are you not hearing me and she's just 7. The first time I heard her say such to her mum was when my hubby and I were stepping out she wanted to go with us and we just relocated to Ibadan. Her mum was calling her she said if I slap you, me and hubby weak. #spotremover#
DeleteI don't think I can remember my dad ever raising his hands on me, although he is a very disciplined man but he prefers to talk some sense into your medulla oblaganta. Hmmm, but my mum ehn, that woman is over strict, no nonsense woman. She beat with anything. She was strict to the extent that I used to think in my mind then that maybe she is a witch or just our guardian that maybe because is she barren that's why she is taking revenge on us (dumbo me 😂). But I must confess her iron hands really helped us and now she is my confirm pal, though I can never train my kids the way she trained us biko, make my child no con run comot for house 😂 cos I hated my mum back then.
ReplyDeleteI'm a strict parent while Dh is easy one. When I flog my kids,his face will look like someone that is sober or sad.Then when I join the flogging with kneeling down,he will say...don't use ur muscle while flogging. I will just enter bathroom and laffffff!his soft heart is on another level.
ReplyDeleteI beg to differ. Ican ever train my kids d way my parents trained esp my mum. There was no love. I am grown now with an 11yrs old, and i only relate with her as my mum. I dont tell my parents personal things about me. Beating doesn't make you a better parent, it doesnt make your child come out well. I turned out well cause i am determined to be a success not bcs of beating or discipline. Parental strictness has made me distance myself from my parents and i am 35 going 36. Children are wired differently, the reason youre a parents is to study and undertsnd you kids (first project in life) and love them, not break them in the name of discipline. I dont beat my kids,and they dare not act abnormal.
ReplyDeleteAfrican parenting is as a result of age long slavery treatment. It was handed from d slave ancestors to slave kids who later taught brutality to their own kids in d name of love and the circle kept running. Dont tell me d bible said anything about the rod, cause the bible is d slave masters manual and the only book taught to branded slaves back then. I say no to beating as it has moulded the terrible humans we have roaming the streets today.
ReplyDeleteAfrican parenting is as a result of age long slavery treatment. It was handed from d slave ancestors to slave kids who later taught brutality to their own kids in d name of love and the circle kept running. Dont tell me d bible said anything about the rod, cause the bible is d slave masters manual and the only book taught to branded slaves back then. I say no to beating as it has moulded the terrible humans we have roaming the streets today.
ReplyDeleteMy dad was a disciplinarian! That man can beat craze out of you. But funny thing is that he never beats me. My brothers saw shege in his hand.
ReplyDeleteMy mum on the other hand do not beat, but will finish you with her mouth.
My husband too is a disciplinarian. Me I am the peace maker.
I need help bvs. I am the one that beats my kid often, my husband is the peace maker. Despite my beating, this child is more close to me than the dad but heeds to his dad rules more. It's sometimes hard for me to get this my 4 years son to do things without beating but ones his dad tells him to do anything he doesn't hesitate. I still don't know how to stop beating him often.
ReplyDeleteMy father is so strict that I do ask if this man was a military man....but all thanks to him else myself and siblings for be Jargaban oooo
ReplyDelete