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CHOOSING BETWEEN A BABY MAMA AND A NEW START

Stella I am filled with thoughts so I decide to send you this. Please I want good advice and not just insults. Insults won't solve anything neither bring solutions to my situation. Please Advice me. Thank you.

I come from an impoverished home. We hardly eat everyday and when we do it's once a day in the evening so we won't get hungry early the next morning. 

The first time I ate a whole egg I couldn't believe myself. I was in my late teens then. Childhood was tough. Stopped school at ss1 it took the grace of God to get to that stage. I didn't do primary 5 entered jss 1 didn't do jjs3 because of money but I was brilliant so it was easy for the school to give me promotion. From Ss1 couldn't do ss2-3 stayed at home for three years doing menial jobs. When it was time for my juniors who were then in ss3 to do their senior waec.

 My parents pleaded with the school to help me join them. They accepted and I passed in flying colours. I stayed home for 8 years doing bricklayer work, running errands to support myself and my family. Father was no longer present. Whenever I struggle to buy jamb form and got admission there was always no money back then.



One of the people I use to work for took pity on me due to my brilliance and decided to send me to school abroad for bsc. We are from the same tribe and coincidentally bear the same surname so it was easier to help me. I was already in my mid 20s. I applied for pharmacy and I was admitted. The thing is my looks gets me attention. If I send you my picture you would understand.

 Ladies always flock around me and I try to ward them off. They started spreading rumors I was gay since I didn't pay them attention. A naija guy shouted at me at the school library once not to put my hand on his shoulder while shaking his hands saying, I be faggot?. That was when I saw that they have really peddled lies against me. 

After a while I got close to one of the ladies who showed interest and I liked her too personally but that was when the issue began. She got pregnant the first time we had sex which was a week of our dating. It turned out she didn't take the pill and she started troubling me to inform my parent to meet her parent for marriage. I summoned courage to tell my mother and she was disappointed she refused to meet to discuss any marriage plans. She told me at my age and what we have gone through in life I should have gotten a job and made it in life before impregnating anyone. She said her hands were off the matter since back at home they were still struggling to feed and was hoping I would be the one to take the family out of poverty and make my sponsors proud.

I told my girlfriend it was impossible to meet her family and she forcefully moved in and started living with me. My friends told me to break up with her because she saw I wasn't a pro when it came to women matters and she outsmarted me by getting pregnant. They asked why she didn't get pregnant for all her past exes. I decided to take full responsibility. That affected my grade and studies. I practically dropped out of school in my third year and couldn't go ahead by changing to part-time so I could have my residence permit to stay back. My sponsor sent my fees but the whole pregnancy and taking care of my child and his mother took a toll on me. Her parent told me she is my wife already and they didn't send her to get pregnant so they abandoned her in my care. They stopped paying her school fees and feeding and accommodation. 

I had to take care of everything the child needs. So I used the money to support all of us. I stopped school and worked in a bar, restaurant, and everywhere I could find. My boy is now 3 years. My girlfriend always put pressure on me to provide and I do tell her I am trying. Her parent could help out too after all they weren't angry with her one bit. They treated her like nothing happened unlike my parent who were upset with me. They communicated regularly, laughed and cracked jokes with one another. You could tell they just feel it's my duty to take care of her and the child knowing fully well I was a student.

One day I came home together with my friends but at the door I heard her telling her friends it is okay to cheat on your man if a man can't take care of his woman's needs. She said the fault is on the man for lacking the resources needed to support his woman that The man should be blamed for pushing the woman out since he couldn't take care of her needs. I was shocked but to my surprise the friend told her why can't the woman also work hard to take care of herself but resort to cheating instead. She said if the man was not with the woman won't she fend for herself. That was when I felt used.

 My friends laughed at me and told me they warned me countless times to not take her seriously that If a man doesn't have money these women aren't faithful. They said I wasn't the first to get trapped with a pregnancy that why do I feel the need to accept her with the pregnancy while I could have just accepted the baby alone and make her feel stupid for trying to outsmart me.


I started putting one and two together and It turned out she thought I was from a rich home because of my looks and the course I was studying due to the high tuition fee. I caught her talking to a guy one night while she thought I was still sleeping. I inquired who it was and you won't believe she gave her number to a toaster and was talking to him beside me thinking I had slept. I let it pass but another time I noticed she was talking to her ex. 

On a normal day I would not have a problem with it for some people still keep their exes as friends but I just couldn't help but think she was trying to sort out her own life away from me. Maybe she was trying to see if she could do better outside of us and to figure out if the ex was better to reunite with. I wouldn't have thought that way on a normal day but since I heard that comment I didn't trust her anymore. Stella, since that day I have been looking at her differently.

 I have sacrificed a lot and my sponsor are asking I come back home to work. My parent keep giving them stories because they don't know what to say. My sponsors are just good church members both husband and wife I have worked for. I moved city to the other branch of our restaurant so I honestly do not know if she has been faithful these past months that I am not there. But I work hard to take care of them.

Now, remember I said I do meet women all the time but I ignore them to focus on her and the child but my mind isn't true to her anymore I feel if I continue my life like this, no degree, no career, no money she would leave me if she finds someone better so I decided to think like her. After all she wasn't bringing anything to the table too and I wasn't thinking of leaving her but she dare to consider cheating is okay because a man can't take care of you for a while. When she knew the pregnancy was what brought us to the circumstance we are in. I couldn't help feel she was with me for lack of better option.

The thing is now I currently met a lady. She is a top executive at a well-known organisation I don't want to mention for some reason. She is African-American. I met her twice at the restaurant where I worked. She got attracted to the way I worked. The manager didn't employ much staffs so I get stressed but never tired since I needed the money. I was the only one serving, cleaning, cooking at the same time. She commended me for being hard-working. She told me to call her and she was going to be absent for a while. We started talking on the phone. She wanted to help me with a job if I had a degree using her contacts, but I opened up about everything. I thought she was going to stop communicating with me at that point but she told me she likes me.

I only saw her twice where I worked the rest was on phone where we talk. Mind you, I have met a surgeon, banker and ladies of other profession in my line of job in the past but never acknowledged them because of her and the baby. Now my friends are telling me to be fast and grab the opportunity. That I would be stupid to think if a better person comes for her first she won't leave me hanging. For no woman wants a man who is jobless and waiting in between jobs.

 I clocked 29 last month but I can't even pay my house rent anymore and my sponsors have stopped supporting me because they feel I am done with school and it's time to come home and start working but I have no degree to show them so I stay here struggling it out. Not for long because I would have to go back soon. She nag me of the baby's feeding, accommodation and the work I do cannot support us much longer. The lady I met told me I could continue from where I stopped and she would support me. 

My friends are telling me to better my life. I shouldn't feel loyal to her since we aren't married yet. They say it's either I stay faithful to her and be a nobody while she leaves me soon when I am no longer useful or I marry the other lady? The other lady knows I have a child but I am not married. Thanks.

Please go with the lady that wants to help you finish school..Your baby mama lacks content and will move on if she sees anyone better than you..