Hmmmmm.........
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE IN LAWS BROUHAHA
Kindly post my chronicles as I'm in a state of confusion and need advice from you and Bvs please keep me anonymous. Thanks for all you do.
Straight to the issue at hand. I have been married for 4 years ever since I got married my husband family doesn’t like me for best reason known to them. I have never offended nor disrespected them before. Cause the have never complained nor reported me to hubby.
When I gave birth I was asked by my hubby to go live with his family which I did and there I noticed lot of things from them. They are 4 in Numbers my hubby is the first son, their third born who is a girl talks to me with no single respect at all and I overlook all. The second born has a mental issue which I am not comfortable with him cause of my first child because he behaves abnormal around her... sometimes he just goes to my bag where I kept my things and carry my pants for no reason or he start smelling my daughters items when we stayed with them.
His father and I are in good condition he doesn’t have issues with me. They mom and other sisters like controlling me and telling me how to take care of our child and home. The mom is found of forcing a child to eat which I don’t like my child being force feed, the day she force feed the child I told her nicely that She should allow me pet the child first cause she was crying so seriously the next thing she said was that I said she wanted to kill the child so many things I won’t want to start typing.
So hubby got a job in Abuja and we relocated whenever we had issues she tells me something else and sends hubby message saying bad things about me even told hubby that I used juju to tie him down. So hubby and I had a big fight that our pastor in church had to settle us that was where hubby told pastor and his wife all his parent said about me and how they had never liked me that they hate me but pretending because of him. Forget to mention that whenever we have a fight he always uses words like They warned me about you, My sister doesn’t talk to me because I married you, it’s because of you that my mom spoke rudely to me, my sister said blah blah blah.
Now hubby lost his job due to covid 19, and ask us to relocate back to Stay with his family by December while he remains here in Abuja. We started looking for an accommodation for us then he told his parents and the mum said that his decision is stupid for wanting to look for an apartment when we can stay with them hubby then decided we stay with them knowing so well how he had told me many things about them not liking me and things they’ve said about me.
Now this is where I need advice. Knowing fully well that my in-laws don’t like me is it advisable to still live with them? If I report anything they do to my hubby and he confronts them they start attacking me and keeping malice with me telling me I shouldn’t be reporting them to hubby am meant to handle the issue myself and if I don’t tell hubby he gets annoyed saying he knows his family I am meant to report so he handle the issue, if hubby gives me money to take cab to visit his family as he doesn’t want me carrying his daughter in a public vehicle the mum would challenge me that why can’t I take bus and mind you the all own a car but wants me to always take bus. There was a time we had a disagreement hubby told his mom that we would be coming back to live with them that the mom should monitor my spending so that I won’t give my family any money and if I stay with them they would have limited access to seeing me.
Please knowing all this how do I stay with them without troubles cause I would be staying close to a year or more with them. I was thanking God that at least I would have small peace staying away from my hubby cause of his wahala now am going back to meet another much more trouble from 4 people. Please over to married Bvs that have handled in-laws. WHAT DO I DO IN THIS SITUATION, as hubby insist on staying with his family.
What kind of wahala is all this nau?Do you have money to rent somewhere to stay?After all these complaints i will not even advice you to stay with them for a day,talkless of a year......Your marriage will be as good as GONE!!!!
Do you have family you can go to?Ah i have a headache thinking of this!!!
Poster, can't you go stay with your family. I mean it's clear they don't like you, make them no go frustrate you comot o.
ReplyDeleteGet yourself a job! Money talks bullshit walks
DeleteThis matter na wa. Can't you go and live with your own family?
DeleteMe na gbas gbos I dey give my inlaws. Them Don tire.
We went to go visit my sister inlaw, we never even sit, she just looked at her brother and said "see as you lean, you no dey eat"? I quickly replied with "e no dey eat well, maybe he go come stay here make una dey feed am every minute". Everywhere just turn to grave yard.
This is seriously serious and it be nice you look for some other place mbok
DeleteAbeg poster do all you can to find another place to stay,even if it is one room. I am surprised you are considering staying with them after all you posted. Na wa ooo. Pls try to get a job too or business so you won't have to rely on people. If you eventually go back, ignore as much as you can, stand on your rights and watch your baby girl like a hawk. Let us know what happens..........
DeleteYour husband is acting like a child ! This is me being nice, your inlaws ogbanje I’m training ! Even you your asking us stupid question! How can you even consider staying with this bunch of wolves for a day ? Do you have a job? Where is your family ? Why can’t you stay with them? Or rough it with your hubby in abj ? See eh I don’t like nonsense like this biko I’m out
DeleteAnnonymous 15:32, I agree with you, you need to make and have your own money. If there was money now you for just rent house make ina stay. I don't think you should ever go stay with them. Unless you will have to apply serious solomon's wisdom.
DeletePray to God to help you, and also pray for a job. When you are earning money, in-laws will respect you indirectly. Just pray.
DeleteI can guess where this poster and husband are from cos I am from there too - very typical of our people to encourage living with in-laws and over respect for over bearing in-laws. I can't stand! All these boil down to poverty cos if there is enough cash, all these "management" of entering bus or taxi and living in family house will not arise. If the husband will have enough money to be sending to the wife in the family house, why can't they all live together in Abuja (even in a smaller accommodation) and managing their lives - being together as a couple and with kids, cannot be overemphasized for general family well being.
DeleteHonestly I am so worried for her..Poster tell your husband that both of you should move even if it is outskirts of Abuja to stay and hustle whilst he looks for job in Abuja...I hate men that can't defend their wives..What kind of fcukery is this?
DeleteAnon 15:32,you answer them well.i really feel for the poster.
DeleteDont get married if you dont have money of your own
DeleteI am Yoruba and it's likely the writer or hubby is from our end. There are times when you have to put your feet down, your write up has just made me sad, I've been through and going through in-law issues but I know how to deal with them and I understand the fact that my sis in-laws are going through hell in their marriages and it upsets them that their brother is taking good care of me.
DeletePoster please give yourself peace and brain, go to your family instead, even if it's garri you will drink everyday that peace of mind is needed. Staying with your in-laws will definitely make you go into depression.
Sending you hugs, living with them will not end well oooo
You are married to the father, the son and their entire household. You can either comport and stick it out like the docile wife they all expect you to be or walk away.
ReplyDeletePoster entered one chance and married to a boy not a man.
DeletePoster you need to develop thick skin and talk sense into you hubby. He is the one that is allowing all this nonsense.
Lool@stella,pls find somewhere else to stay if you can,staying with them is not an option for your own good,they are a toxic bunch,they can gossip and complain for all you care but it's just for a while,your peace and sanity should always come first in anything you do,best of luck!!✌️✌️
ReplyDeleteBut the poster likes her marriage, she has to stay with them ooo,if she stays elsewhere bigger problem.
DeleteSo she should learn to tame the lion o.
And watch her kid like a hawk .
Did they show you they never liked you from the start and you hope they will change or you only realised it now? Because if your in laws don't like you they never will and it not advisable to marry a man whose family doesn't like you.
ReplyDeleteYour husband talked negatively about you to them so there is no way they will respect you. Do you have a job? Or you are a stay at home. For him to tell his family to monitor you so you won't spend his money on your family begs question. Do you support him financially? Because For them to tell you to enter bus instead of cab means that you don't have your own money.
Didn't you know about the metal state of one of his siblings before now, not that it matters as long as you are not living together but you wrote like you just discovered that aspect. Was his sister respectful before? Maybe they see you as a liability than an asset. Most people do not respect a woman who doesn't bring any financial aspect to the relationship.
So whats your advise for the poster?
Delete15:35 Obviously to get a job. She needs to be financially independent.
DeletePoster if that is you. Know this! The only solution is to be financially capable on your own that was what I was stylishly saying without really uttering it out because I know for you to get to that level of peace is by having a job which I am not sure you have. Because, trust me no one not even a man will be pushing you back and forth to his family house like you don't have a mind of your own if you are financially stable.
DeleteBut in my first advice to you, you could see I played around that 'get a job' statement and did not mention it because I believe if it was easy for you to get a job all these while you would have. Landing a job is not easy. So I cant just day get a job like I have a job for you somewhere. I don't know how you are going to go about it but that's the solution even your husband's family will respect you. I can't say borrow, from who? Everyone is managing neither can I say, go to your own family house because if you could you would have looked into that option. From what you have written you have no option than to go to their house and stay there like you did the first time. I don't know how else to advice you but from the little you have written I can only tell you the source of this issue is see finish and lack of being stable on your part. If you have your own money you will see how they will start treating you will respect. Love?. maybe not (and I am sure you would be too busy to care) but you will have your respect.
Lady, the first thing that needs fixing is your marriage and your life.
ReplyDeleteYes, your eternal life. How can a lady
be thanking God that she will "have
small peace away from her husband?"
Same man you claim you love and married? No, there is a very deep wound and festering sore in your marriage. The good news is that Jesus Christ
died for you, he loves you and will
like to give you eternal life and
fix your broken marriage.
Will you allow him?😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲
Same here Stella..I am so tired..Abeg where una dey meet these kin men God abeg oh...Mehn May God help you oh..Why can't he move with you wherever you are pending when he gets a new job...Try stay with a relative..Oh God come through
ReplyDeleteWhat is all these moving to in-laws house? Is your husband a baby? What if he didn't have parents? See how they are pushing you around? Women haff suffered. So you must go to your in-laws because you gave birth? You have no say in your marriage? Your husband doesn't run anything by you, he just decides.
DeleteHow do you people do It? So at my age now my husband will wake up one day and tell me to go and stay with his parents?
Anyway, tell your husband you are not going, you guys should downsize even if it is a one room or one bedroom. Meanwhile, start looking for a job or any means of making money, say cooking and supplying to offices, making snacks, get a teaching job, lesson teacher for students, run errands, nanny etc.
Also pray that God blesses your husband with a job ASAP so that there is no need for this conversation. You guys need to stick together as a family not one person in Kafachan, the other in Lagos.
All the best.
Thank you! Why moving back to his parents when you give birth ? Which yeye tribe does that ? From what I understand your mom or his comes to yours when you deliver..
DeleteGoing back will not end well o. What about your family? You see family house, anyone who can should avoid it.
ReplyDeleteI dey tell you my sister...We women need to empower ourselves..Poster its like you are financially handicapped..See how you can make lil money..It is well with you my dear
DeletePoster you should go stay with your family till your husband has something to do or if you can afford paying for an accommodation it will be better.
ReplyDeletePlease do not go back to your in-laws. Your husband has a big problem by not trusting and listening to his wife but he prefers his family over you. Work on your hubby.
Seriously..Then why did you marry her in the first place only to spite her..I am seriously pained by what she is going thru
DeletePoster for all you just said,I won't advise you to stay with his family at all..pls kindly look for a room apartment and stay with your daughter to avoid too many issues later cos obviously there will be plenty matter arising!
ReplyDeleteAny decision you take will prolly have effect on your marriage,so choose the one you can handle well..cos your husband will defo not agree you renting an apartment,so be prepared to stand your ground!
All the best 🤗🤗
Yes oh I agree
DeleteWomen!
ReplyDeleteDid you all notice that "the father in law does not give her any problem but
the MIL and her daughters will not let her be?"
Solomon was rightly led by the Spirit
when he wrote that among a thousand, he did
not find one righteous woman Eccl. 7:28
Wow! Women!
Just being inquisitive...is it common in Nigeria for a husband to tell the wife to go live with his family after childbirth? It seems like it’s a trend. Like, the woman has no say on where she lives.
ReplyDeletePoster, it doesn’t seem like you’re financially independent but if you are then you should rent a place. Are you able to live with your parents in the time being?
Ladies, please, before getting married, ensure that you have prospects to be financially independent or that you’re already financially independent before marriage. One can’t stress this enough. It’s a whole different issue if you willing decide not to work or own a business due to a mutual...not coerced...agreement between your husband and yourself. It’s not just about getting married, but marrying someone that shares the same or similar values as you and looks out for your best interests. Marry someone you can boldly agree to disagree with. Someone who values your opinion. Some of these relationships sound like an autocratic father-daughter relationships. Poster, may God see you through.
Poster, God be with you.
I swear to God..You have said the truth..Poster you need to stand up for yourself and your baby..You need to be strong and take the bull by the horn..
DeleteImagine o, someone will just wake up one day and say I should go and live somewhere? God abeg.
DeleteGoing back to stay with them is a no no for me. I don't even know to say anymore
ReplyDeleteGo and stay with your parents
ReplyDeleteI don't think so.. With all this drama wey she talk so? Poster they will abandon you in your parents house if you go there o.. Because those people are looking for ways to pounce on you, don't create a way for them by yourself.
DeleteThe only option is if you have savings. Talk to your husband and rent a place for yourself!
Convince hubby that you can manage a one bedroom flat or that you too have a family and you can go stay with them as well.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, take this advice from someone who has a close relatiin who went to stay with the in-laws.
ReplyDeleteThey hated her like you from before the marriage self with no reason till date. They constantly set her up against her husband and when she says things, they twist it to the husband and he starts hauling insults on her.
He lost his job and she agreed to move with him to the In-laws.WORST MISTAKE EVER.
Over few weeks, he changed drastically for the worst, took his people's side, she was like a maid there, had no voice or say, husband became a narcisit and a control freak, remembered all the traditions of his village and ordered her around and forces her to keep to them.
Las, las, the marriage she was trying to keep, scattered with bitter wounds as d man ended up beating her.
If you love yourself, your life and wanna live for your daughter, DON'T MOVE IN WITH HIM TO HIS FAMILY HOME.
He will threaten to end d marriage if you don't, or stop communicating with you or fending for you both, my dear accept in all MEEKNESS AND RESPECT. Saying you will wait for him to get his house, even if it's a single room in a face me I face you, then you will join him. But for the meantime, you will be at your parent's place.
My sister, even if you can't stay at your parents, look for Any Where else, except going to your in-laws place. If you do, YOU WILL LOSS THE MARRIAGE YOU ARE TRYING TO KEEP, AND IT WILL BE ADDED WITH BITTERNESS, DEEP ANGER, UNFORGIVENESS, DEPRESSION AND THE LIKES.
Hmmm thank you..Wise words
DeleteGod bless you. I'm more worried abt the Brother that is not mentally stable,sniffs your undies and looks at your girl somehow,and you want to stay with them for 1year?... my dear,what will be will be, find a place to say but not your in laws place,let him threaten you but when he sees you are adamant,he will calm down. And dont let them use scope to take your child away from you. Be smart and be ahead of them
DeleteWell said...i dont even want to live with my own family members for more than 1 week talkless of inlaws that do not like you.
DeleteWell said. But my question is Where does her husband intend to stay in Abuja? Except he plans to squat with someone. Let them all rough it out, bad as e bad, they should rent a mini flat.
DeleteExactly! Whereever the husband goes the family goes. When things were rough for my husband he said he was moving to another city to squat that I could move back home, I followed him! You are married to your husband not his family. Stand up for yourself
DeletePoster what happens to your two hands. You are now a mother no matter how old you are. Get something doing no matter how small. I know it's not easy. Which is better?. Doing a menial job in Abuja or going back to a toxic environment. Hubby might not support you but please plead with him. Fry akara. Fry puff puff. Do something. Its better to stay with your hubby and suffer than staying with your in-laws. Remember... If it costs you your peace. It is too expensive. When you visit your in-laws. Expect multiple of what you went through before because you and your baby are going to depend on them 100% for your up keep as hubby is no more working. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteAnother nice advice.. Turn Mario for your husband neck oh by getting busy!
DeleteThank you!
DeleteThanks
DeleteThis type of husband, na to turn real Mario o.
Delete1)Stand up for yourself, insist you both roughen it together. This is a time to be rigid! Strong! Defensive!
2)Get to work no matter how little. This is a phase and it shall pass.
3)Don't go and stay in your parents' house. Your husband may see it as an opportunity to penetrate your hubby.
4)Go back to your in laws house at your own peril.
5)Carry your own family along. Their advice and support will go a long way, even if little.
My in-laws tried this nonsense with me, I obliged cos of the love I have for hubby(worst mistake ever). I was even working o but was on mat leave. They repeated such nonsense during a visit for a wedding. I vowed not to step their house till today. Hubby don talk tire! I don't care!
I don't understand you @ poster. Are you an orphan? You no get anybody wey you fit stay with while you look for something doing?
ReplyDeleteYour husband has failed in his duty to protect you and you know his people dont like you and you are asking if you should stay with them?
Nne use your tongue and count your teeth
Hmm my dear e no easy oh..It is well
DeleteHonestly, I feel the way Stella feels about this Chronicle up there, too much wahala, enough to get one's blood pressure up...I really dont know what to advice you, I have a headache reading this! What women go through because of marriage, na wa(sic).
ReplyDeleteSeriously I have never been worried like this
DeleteNigerian marriage on nigeria is mostly sufferhead i swear...
DeleteMaybe poster forget to add she get belle sef...na the circle of these kind of situation. Suffer head is not good marriageabeg.
DeleteGet work/business before Una marry, Una no de hear. Shebi if you were working/operating a business in Abuja, there will be no need of you to relocate?.
ReplyDeleteEveryone be talking about getting a job or doing business before marriage as if they are hanging bon trees.
DeleteWho will see a good job before marriage and refuse to work abeg?
So if I no see job, no see business money , the person should keep turning down marriage proposals because of wetin? And who gives the guarantee that the job will last throughout the duration of her married life? Haven't you all come across a jobless single?
Life na jeje and nwayo nwayo.
Anyone that comes your way; job, business or marriage,grab it and continue pressing on.
You have a very good point Twin Squared.
DeleteThe way I’ve been seeing “get a job get a job”, I was wondering if it’s not the same nigeria I know. Whether there’s any place they kept job or business for people to just go and select
DeleteGod forbid this kind of situationship. Poster I feel sorry for you. I can never ever live with in-laws even if they are descendants of angels.
ReplyDeleteKai! This life as a woman just have something going on for your self no matter how little, infact just have your own money no matter how little.
ReplyDeleteMoney can't solve all problems but I bet you it solves a whole lot of problems that Can be avoided honestly.
Poster just go to a family member house and find something to do because to drink tea in your in law house they will measure the milk you are to use and you know exactly what that means.
Poster call me 🤙
Very very true
Deletedon't go there
ReplyDeleteControlling family.....
ReplyDeleteConfused and Mummy's boy husband.....
Financially dependent wife...
If you are financial stable and have a good job, they wont mess you up....
Take your stand , get your own apartment or remain in Abuja with your husband....
Assuming you have a good good , will he ask you to relocate to his family?
Whatever, it takes try and be financially independent to avoid undue insults....
good job.....
DeletePoster it is obvious you don't have a job or your own money because you didn't mention it in your chronicle.
ReplyDeleteIt takes the special grace of God for a man who pay all your bills to treat you with respect.
Ladies, you people should try and be financially stable before getting married to avoid this kind of chronicle.
Born the number of children you can take care of if something happens in future, like break up.
The only thing I can advise you is to talk to your husband to allow you to go and stay with your parents for the main time.
PS: this is a wake up call to all parents to teach the female child the importance of having a job, handwork or business and being financially stable before marriage.
Just imagine "There was a time we had a disagreement hubby told his mom that we would be coming back to live with them that the mom should monitor my spending so that I won’t give my family any money and if I stay with them they would have limited access to seeing me"
SMH
ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
DeleteYou didn’t mention what you do for a living or how you support your family as a wife..You see that idleness?it is the beginning of see finish.Get busy and u won’t have to live with your husbands family when your husband is temporarily not able to pay bills.A providing woman’s respect is doubled.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 15:08 it's either you are single or you met your soulmate that's why you are talking the way you are talking. You don't know how families especially husband's mother and brothers and sisters can twist the heart and mind of their brother and make the life of their brother's bride a living hell!! Women fall hard for men and that's the driving force behind their getting married to their husbands but when this same woman wants to just walk or stay away from the same man she married just for peace to reign, know that she's going through a lot.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster even if it means to borrow, mbok borrow, get a room and have your peace of mind. They can only make noise but will definitely quiet down after a while. Then start studying the Bible and praying in tongues and watch God expose some entities and put them where they belong. Then try as much as possible not to argue or talk back at all of them including your husband. Just act , don't talk then pray. This is what helped me in my marriage even at that, some key persons still didn't want me to have peace but had to be dealt with severely by God himself. Don't talk or argue with any of them, act or do what you know is good for your children or marriage then pray. Pray every night. Study every night.Ask the holy Spirit to teach you something new about God every night and apply it to your marriage. Pray for all of them THEN WATCH!!!!
Please Dont come for me. I didn't see where I insulted her. You could see I was indirectly advising her to check her financial strength because it seem they are treating her that way because she depends on the man financially and they know she cant stand on her own two feet by herself. People Dont respect women who are financially reliant on their husband. Even her own husband gossips her to his family so how do you want them to respect her?. But you didn't see the husband action as a problem but only the reaction of the man's family is your concern. don't you know it is how your husband treats you or carry you that is how his family will carry you?.
DeleteTalking about my status won't help your life so back off. What do you mean I am talking the way I am talking? Did I insult her or what? give your own advice and move on. Next time stay under my comment if you want to sub me.
Anon 15:55! You are so sensible, I am only getting to this level of understanding after almost 10 years of inlaw palava.
DeleteU see this issue of involving God eh!......NEVER UNDERESTIMATE it.
Poster please consider this anon's advise strongly and to the other women out there, please get a job or business before considering marriage. I was studying when I got married and was treated like shit. To the Glory of God, today, I have a very high paying job plus a small side hussle and these same inlaws now respect me like crazy. The troublesome one avoids me(I took that one to God's Alter nee o).Story long jare, in All,my life is a Testimony!
My prayer is to never have issues like this as prayer points in marriage. Single ladies, now is the time to settle our maritals in the place of prayers, so that we will not be having these kinds of prayer points in marriage. When you're supposed to be settling your children's future in the place of prayers, it is now in laws I will be praying about. Secondly, one thing my mother has always emphasized is that as a woman, you must have your own source of Income.
DeleteDear Poster, am so sorry about your predicament.
ReplyDeleteHowever, dont you have ajob? Why cant you stay with your bubby and sort out things than staying with the parent? What kind of arrangement is that, any small thing you go to his parent.
Please go get something to do. Meanwhile, I want you to konw that sometimes our parent said things worst than our MIL, but we tend to overlook them cause they our mothers, but we hold on to it when is our MIL.
I know it may not be easy either you are staying with your In-laws or with husband, please show them love instead of hatred. I know it will not be easy but find it in your heart, talk to yourself that is a phase and you will overcome.
I wish you all the best.
Anonymous 15:08 it's either you are single or you met your soulmate that's why you are talking the way you are talking. You don't know how families especially husband's mother and brothers and sisters can twist the heart and mind of their brother and make the life of their brother's bride a living hell!! Women fall hard for men and that's the driving force behind their getting married to their husbands but when this same woman wants to just walk or stay away from the same man just for peace to reign, know that she's going through a lot.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster even if it means to borrow, mbok borrow, get a room and have your peace of mind. They can only make noise but will definitely quiet down after a while. Then start studying the Bible and praying in tongues and watch God expose some entities and put them where they belong. Then try as much as possible not to argue or talk back at all of them including your husband. Just act , don't talk then pray. This is what helped me in my marriage even at that some key persons still didn't want me to have peace but had to be dealt with severely by God himself. Don't talk or argue with any of them, act or do what you know is good for your children or marriage then pray. Pray every night. Study every night.Ask the holy Spirit to teach you something new about God every night and apply it to your marriage. Pray for all of them THEN WATCH!!!
The worst thing u would do for yourself is to go to your in-laws. Your mother in law is looking to finish what she started during omugwo. Involve your family too. Let ur husband know in no uncertain terms that u aren't going to his people. Meanwhile, can u start selling something? Even of it is frying akara and yam. Find a way to bring in money so u can stay back with ur husband in abuja. Don't leave. With a family that doesn't like you, na to encourage him to find another woman once u aren't there again. A word is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeletehian don't know what to say oo,plss pray for God to intervene..
ReplyDeleteThe problem with chronicles like this is that people are scared of what they will say....who? What? Where? And so?
ReplyDeleteI am sorry but you don't sound like a woman with a lot of confidence. You need to find ways to build that up which includes speaking and fighting for yourself and what you want for your family. Before you know it, you child is growing up and your in laws will choose the school, lesson teacher...extra curricular activities and even friends of your child...by that time you will not have any say at at in whatsoever concerns your presence in that family.
Stop worrying about what people will say and get yourself an apartment, if you can afford it. If you can't try to find a job worth doing that will take you away from the house for most hours of the day to avoid any..ish. and learn to speak up..they will not kill you. They will call you disrespectful..and all sorts but guess what they will also start respecting you. Try it my dear.
To live with ones family is not easy talk less of in-laws
ReplyDeleteDon't go there. It's enough that your inlaws don't like you and disrespect you. The biggest issue for me, as a mother, is your BIL. There's no way in hell I would have my child around a person who steals and sniffs underwear or other items of a child. If your husband can't understand your need to protect your mental health, maybe he cares more about his daughter. If not, you have a bigger problem.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...this is serious. PLEASE DON'T GO TO YOUR IN-LAWS PLACE O.I can tell from your write up that they are seriously 'waiting for your home coming'. Is there anything God cannot do? Your hubby could get another job before December, go to God in prayers, you should honestly get something doing too because I feel your in-laws sees you as a leech living off their son and it appears like they are from a well to-do family while your family is not. In the meantime, look for a family member you can stay with (may not be your parents though),let your people know what you are going through so that they can help you secure a job. MONEY STOPS NONSENSE!
ReplyDeleteMy concern here is.. this man won't allow her stay anywhere else. He wont. I dont know what you intent to do but be motivated pls. Let this motivate you to save. I dont know how you people just live like your tomorrow is guaranteed. Sis, work nd save. Whatever you choose to do now will still affect the marriage so choose peace of mind. Let your parents know that you'll be coming over for a period of time.
ReplyDeleteNow, let your staying with them be productive... so productive that your husby will be looking forward to having you back .
Make money even if you have to get dirty doing it.
I'm a very shy person but I'm smart. I cant be caught in this nonsense.
My husband knows I save and I have a good support system . Even my inlaw knows. So it's really difficult to boss me around o. E go hard. Wheww
I'm a man and I boiled with rage as I read this. If I had a daughter and her husband and his family treated her like this, I'd commit murder. What some women go through in their marriages is deeply saddening.
ReplyDeleteLadies,please,you mustn't get married. It's better to be single and live a happy and fulfilled life than to be married and suffer all the days of your life.
Things like this only happen in the South that's why I find it weird. In the north, when a couple gets married,both families give them space. Southerners I raise yansh for una. Una well don. Una dey try.
Women please make money before you day I DO. Which kain thing be this abeg?
ReplyDeleteStay with your hubbby no matter the quarrel cos going to your In laws will be too bad.if they are also wicked spiritually,you may end up loosing a child.
ReplyDeleteMy advice ,do not go anywhere.
If you can get a job,fine if not do menial jobs,do not move.
Please get a job, I know it's Coro but get any job . Even if it is marketing. If your husband complain , tell him you can't leave your job that what would you be doing if you relocate. That your job is very very important. Beg him very very well
ReplyDeleteThis is what you get when you are married and have no voice. See how your chronicle sounds like the relationship between you and your husband is that of master and slave where the slave has no choice but to do whatever the master commands. Your in-laws do not like you and treat you shabbily,your hubby knows and insists you stay with them anyway, why? Because he doesn't like you either and gives no hoot about your mental state or peace of mind. If you had any sense of self worth or something worthwhile doing, inlaws and husband will not be bouncing you around like a rag doll.
ReplyDeleteI hope single ladies are seeing and learning from all these chronicles. It's not by to just marry o, it is to marry a good man and put yourself in a position of respect before you even marry. I am a manager in a multinational, married with a kid. I am my own person, not looking for self worth from outsiders. When there is an issue or a decision to be made, my husband and I sit down as a couple should and talk about it and make the decision that we feel is in our best interest. Not this one that your hubby is deciding for you as if you are his child. I repeat, your husband doesn't care about you as a person. Do with that information what you will. Shalom!
Dear poster, its only God that can help you out of this situations. You are on a crossroads, a point where your decision will make or mar you.
ReplyDeleteIf you decide to go back to your in-law, it will be the beginning of another war,since they don't like you. If you decide to go back to your family, it will be an excuse for your in-law and your baby husband to abandon you with them and your baby husband doesn't want to man up and be responsible for you and your baby, you on the other hand don't have your own money or source of income. You see big whahala. May we not be in a fix. Having said that, there is always a way. If you marry that man before your parent and God, go back to the one that institute marriage. Go back on your knee, engage the holy ghost,send him on an errand to your husbaby. Give it 3days max, b4 the slated DEC, will change his mind and rent a place for his family. You see, we women are so powerful in the home building, that you can dictate the happenings in your home but you must be well positioned. If you do not steal that baby man from anyone, you do not do jazz to get him to your self, then go back to the beginning, right on your knee, on a 3days mission, stating why you should be with your husband not any in laws with scriptures to back up your reasons. I wish you the very best!
I totally agree with Hallohalley. Take it to God in prayers. Be submissive to your hubby from now. As much as possible avoid fighting and arguing with him and abusing each other. After praying and if possible fasting, when he is in a good mood explain wisely to him that it will be better you stay together as a family even if in a cheaper apartment as marriage is for better for worse. Pray to God to touch his heart. If you respect a man, cook good food for him and don't deny him sex, you will have his 'mumu' button, most of the time. Try and pray together as a family and rebuke every attack against your home. Show willingness to help out with finances if you are not working. Look inward for skills that you have and can use to make money e.g making and selling pap ( package it well and go to offices),if you are a good cook, start selling food, package it well go to offices and sell N500.00 per pack and you will be amazed at what you make God being with you, make liquid soap etc. Pray that God should direct you and you can do 2 or more businesses to support your husband. With time also decide with your husband to not involve third party except your Pastor if necessary when you have issues. May God bless your home, protect your children, give you multiple sources of income and give your hubby a better job. Stay blesses.
ReplyDeleteYour husband doesn't love you simple. There isnthis babe my brother wants to marry, ehile talking with my brother I made a lil joke about the girl and my brother warned me seriously not to repeat that. This is how you protect someone yojr wife. Your husband just allows his famy to use you as a doormat.
ReplyDeleteMy cousins wife has been trying for a baby since 2013. The day you call him to tell him shit about his wife, he will drop the call on you. There is a way you will treat your wife that your family will know not to cross boundaries, same way a man should regard his family. Don't disrespect one for the other, your wife is also a part of you and your blood.
DeletePoster your husband is the one giving you out cos the family can only respect you when you husband stop telling the negative things about you.
ReplyDeleteTry to look inwards to see the skills you have and monitize it to assist your husband in running the family that way he will consider you before making some decisions. All the best to you.
God forbid bad thing, that marriage is as good as dead.Never marry into a family the inlaws do not like you
ReplyDeleteOne take away from this chronicle and many others is- women please have something doing that brings in "your" own money. No matter how little. I deduced from the part where the poster said: "when my husband gives me money for transportation", that poster probably relies on hubby for everything. I know it can be tough especially with kids but in today's world where you can open a youtube channel and work from home, sell items on IG etc....
ReplyDeleteI married a very wealthy man and first thing he told me was: "I will provide everything "but" please pursue your career...it will give you a sense of "your" own purpose and make "any" man respect you!...I never quit my job even though I have ZERO obligations in our home. I'm saying this to deter any woman from being jobless because she thinks her man has money etc....
Poster please find something doing, no matter how little... marriage is not easy but I know that God will see you through. I hear most stories like this from Nigerian women and I think the underlying factor is "money" believe it or not. Both the man and his family know they have that over you....
All these slavery camps you people enter in the name of marriage, na wa o.
ReplyDeleteYou better get a job
The only problem you have is your are jobless and from your story not ready to work. Get out there and get a JOB!
ReplyDeleteDo not under any circumstances stay with people that hate you. As Stella advised, if you can find money to rent apartment of your own do so or go and stay with your own relatives. Unfortunately, that your husband is a mummy's boy and with his attitude only God can keep your marriage for you because his relatives want the marriage to break and he is listening to them. Try and maintain reasonable savings for the rainy day.
ReplyDeleteposter pray they request from your husband if you can stay in abj why both of you start looking for what to do. for me staying with my inlaw is a no no
ReplyDeletestart midnight prayers and ask God to change that decision..DO NOT AGREE TO LIVE WITH THEM. that 1 year or more can scatter that marriage oh especially with your husband being a mummys boy or dont love you. let him look for another alternative but his parents. the family is toxic, they have shown you and you know they dont like you so believe them. one room sef manage till things get better. meanwhile you must start earning your own money ASAP. dont be too ashamed to start small.
ReplyDelete