Women are the ones who always cry wolf but there are many men who have lived and are living with abusive wives enduring all forms of verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse....
Why are men so ashamed to cry out that they are being abused?why suffer in silence?Are you a man and a victim of Domestic Violence,either physically or verbally or emotionally?what do you do about this?
Do you want to share with us your domestic violence story?
Lets gist!!!
This is true. However this is the fault of everybody. U and I. We already placed them to be the stronger speciw while woman should be the weaker one. So when they go through thise molestation, they feel since they are stronger or should be stronger. There is no need cry out for help cause then it can bring intimidation
ReplyDeleteThey possibly are abashed to do so.Come all out,men
DeleteOne of our neighbors in Kaduna then used to beat her husband shege. The woman was fat and strong. Only God knows whether they are still in Kaduna or not.
DeleteI agree some men are victims.
This is a post for men asking them how they feel and their experiences of abuse and why they don’t speak out.
DeleteWhy are women commenting here, can’t men speak for themselves again?
Men are ashamed to come out or spill like women because they will be pitied or made fun of mainly, so most abusive women take advantage of that well and the men just keep on enduring because they are weaklings or truly love the woman 😫🤷🏾♂️
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteSad! Dv is bad!
DeleteIsaac is the wisest man on earth. Argue with ur data
DeleteI agree with this post, especially men that are reserved and quiet, they endure so much bullying from their wives.
ReplyDeleteFor sure
DeleteA nagging woman is a domestic abuser.
ReplyDeleteImagine the emotional abuse of "living in the desert or rooftop?"
Yes, that is where the Lord said is BETTER for the man than living in a house with a nagging wife. Prov. 25:24
Or
the "constant dripping from a leaking roof?" Prov. 27:15.
Do you know that some women's hands are chains? Eccl. 7:26
The greatest blessing God will bequeath on a man is to give him a vitreous woman as wife. She will prolong his days on earth and help him achieve eternal life which is the ultimate.
That is the truth like the clear blue sky. 🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️
Naturally abt 85% of guys are calm.... so most times ladies tend to use this particular trait of theirs(i mean being a gentleman) and most woman are very manipulative. Imagine a rape story from a woman and a man... u and I will tend to believe hers cause u feel she is emotional and a female.....but most rape cases of women almost ends up to be lies and just for clout chasing
ReplyDeleteWhere did u get ur statistics from? You conduct survey?
DeleteThis your comment based on pure assumptions madam.baseless
DeleteHave you eaten Sunday rice? This your comment no balance at all.
Delete85%???🙄Please this gap is so wide. From the little I have heard, read or even seen, majority of men that pass through these violence are the broke ones.
DeleteMen tend to be loyal mostly when they are so broke and do take all these from their women because they are incapacitated.
He won't threaten with I will marry another wife, shout, beat or have time for side chicks.
85% of guys are calm?
DeleteCalm as in gentle?
Just kill me already 😩😩
A marriage ended due to DV the husband suffered ,
ReplyDeleteThe woman inflicted several injuries on this man , he is so principled that he can never raise his hand on a woman , they've two kids the court awarded the custody to the woman .
They've been separated for over 4 years but this man is suffering severe PTSD from the DV that he cannot even be in a relationship cos he is now scared of women .
He started a new relationship in 2019 but after some months developed cold feet , the present lady didn't exhibit any violent attribute but he still has this great fear of the unknown.
Well i wish he could seek therapy but shame isn't letting him.
Awwwww, this is so sad, I hope he heals. I hope so.
DeleteNigeria will mock men in domestic abuse situations as weak. He is just a gentle man. I feel so bad. May he meet someone of like mind.
This is sad...I pray he heals soon.
DeleteChai...may God heal him
DeleteAsk any man that has high blood pressure about his wife and you will hear stories that will make you cry.
ReplyDelete😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢I am writing because I know some of them as my patients.
The recurring decimal is that the women team up with their (evil) mothers to "show the man hell."
In everything you do, do not fall into an evil woman's trap. Solomon did and we know his end.
Eccl. 7:28 while I was still searching but not finding-- I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.
Did you read that? Are you?👀👀👀👀👀👀
Abeg this one nor follow, so many things can cause HBP and not just domestic stress. What about women that has it, are they suffering from DV too?
Delete@15:14
DeleteThat doctor or nurse is telling us about her clinical experience. You think that they don't ask those patents questions
to rule out other possibilities? Have you not been to the hospital before?
Talk about your experiences.
Are you really a medical professional? 'Ask ANY man'? So as a medical professional, you deemed it fit to conclude that the primary cause of HPB is the spouse?
Delete@17:38
DeleteThese words "primary cause" did not appear in my comment. They are your words.
I don't know why such a simple post is drawing unnecessary fury.
My elder brother went through one with his ex fiancee. She slapped till he got a swollen eye and kicked him. Broke his phones and laptops. Tore his shirt while he looked on because a weaker vessel was inflicting the pain. Whoever tried to intervene also got slapped. Whoever tried to restrain her also got slapped. A weaker vessel slapped all of us and trust me, nothing about those slaps were weak.
ReplyDeleteGates.
😂@nothing about those slaps were weak.
DeleteOn a serious note. Most Women abuse it when given so much leverage. No vex.
Wow! Thank God she has been ex-ed, violence is a no- no
DeleteHian, the lady is definitely mentally unstable. To be throwing slaps up and down. That type of lady to break up with her would be like a tug of war. I can only imagine. Thank God your brother love no blind am reach there.
DeleteShe went on slapping spree and you guys indulged her? Bcos she's who exactly? I will teach my sons never to hit a woman first but anytime an untrained lady raises her hands to slap them,they should beat her up until she passes out. God forbid I raise weakling as a son. I will teach them to ignore that weaker vessels chants. It's a scam. Hit any woman that hit you first. Make sure you give her a sound brain resetting slap that she will never ever in her life again hit any man again.
Delete😲😲😲😲😲
DeleteThank God she is now ex.
Shuo, throwing slap. Thank God she was ex-ed.
DeleteSmh that's quite unfortunate. Good thing he moved on from her.
DeleteAny woman that hits my brother should get ready to be hit by we the girls since the gentlemen would never hit a lady .
DeleteHonestly it's so wrong for some women to advantage of the fact that a man would never hit 'em back , lots of women do this and still play the victim card .
It's crazy !!! I hope she was later arrested and prosecuted .
😀😀😀😀@ nothing of the slaps were weak...
DeleteSome ladies tend to unleash violence on quiet and calm guys..
Nigerian first daughter I hail o
DeleteSo they should have beaten her one by one and you think she would survive it?
If she collapse and travel to the other side it's you people that will say why did they do that.
The best is walking away from the person which he did by not marrying her.
two wrong don't make a right.if they all return her slaps back she would have been none existent. She would have died and nobody will care if she did it first.
They are not weaklings abeg just people who applied their brain in a tense and dicey situation. If he had continue the relationship then you can call him a weakling but he applied common sense which is always necessary most times biko
OMG😂
Delete70% of women are abusers.
DeleteAnon 15:47 God bless you. Talking from all sides of their mouth. Keep your hands to yourself . Walk away if the individual is violent. Abhor violence. That is what we should train both sexes with to hate violence and should be seen as a very last resort when in danger.
DeleteThank you anon. Imagine what she typed? Go on and raise those women beaters as though there aren't enough already. No one has the right to violence, regardless if the sex. Teach your sons to beat any woman that hits the first and if she crosses over to the other side, let them not blame the devil because it was you, their mother, who sowed the seed.
Delete15:47 are you minding them?.
DeleteNa Real talking from both sides of their mouth. Listen to human being at your own peril.
Was it not the same Gates that asked why men are told never to hit a woman but when a woman hits them, they are told to walk away in BEP and someone insulted him by calling him mike Tyson like that was the answer to his question. Now he finally revealed his brother went through it and walked away and this one up here is calling him a weakling. You people better pick a struggle. And stop insulting him anyhow because he seems calm abeg.
Na men like Don, dante and ceaser fit all of una
A fiancee is someone you are planning to marry if I am correct which means marriage plans have been set and they have cancelled the wedding ba but you are still complaining. I don't know what you want them to do again sef
So in conclusion, men can be victim.... they are victims but they dont speak up cause who will they run to for help?? Women??????.
ReplyDeleteTrue. Sad!
DeleteDid u knw our law cannot protect a raped man?????? This is because according to our Criminal Code of Nigeria, Rape is defined, as having unlawful carnal knowledge of a WOMAN or GIRL without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of threats etc. so u see, what was mentioned was a girl or woman
ReplyDeleteJust learnt something new.
DeleteThey're classified under indecent assault.
Delete@Uchejoyce check VAPP act 2015 ie violence against person prohibition act
DeleteIt encompasses both men & women
The most Complex
I did something in the past but please judge. I met me A, a young and loving guy andbwe all sailed in the relationship fast forward 6months letter, i found out that he is serial cheat. When i caught him red handed, he denied it with the evidence! He started saying that am making it up!!later he admitted to his fault and begged. But this same man bad mouth me in my friends presence!!so what's did to him was i didn't want to leave without teaching him a lesson, so one faithful day, he became really sick then i asked him to call a his sidechicks to come to his aid!before he begged i whipped him well with his belt till i was satisfied and when one of his chick came he couldn't report till date.....i left the relationship aftr treating him..
ReplyDeleteTo me thats the only way i can vent
Whenever it is posted here that a man abuses his wife. We see comments like "no matter what she did he shouldn't have lifted his finger", which I support as well. I am sure you also supports that statement too and would have been amongst those saying that. Based on this fact alone you should be the Judge and ask yourself if what you did was wrong on not.
DeleteYou hit him with the belt because he cheated and maligned you and in your own eyes, that was your limit whereas another man's limit could be you didn't add enough salt to the meal you prepared and he hits you. Now does that make it right? Hitting anyone is never justified. You are an abuser. Simple!
Gates.
Like you whipped a sick man? You are sick!
DeleteHow dare you whip a sick man? If I were him I'll make sure I beat the shit out of you
DeleteYou deserve to burn in the hottest part of hell! I bet you're still single as no man would want to marry a demonic agent like you.
Justify it anyway you want but that still won't make it right.
DeleteThat wasnt right dear.
DeleteA woman no fit abuse me sha, when na me marry you and not the other way round. I'll send you back to YOUR FATHER house be that Lol. No time for bullshit. I'll love you right, treat you right and respect you and you better be doing the same else!!!!
ReplyDeleteEesah, we die there o. Na you go go your papa house ooo, na my own husband house I dey o😆😂😂😂
Delete😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄
Delete
ReplyDeleteOur culture is our biggest problem cause Young boys are taught not to express their emotions, to “suck it up” and “be a man.”
My dad has suffered and endured many years of emotional, physical and verbal abuse from my mom and I wonder why he just never walked away.
ReplyDeleteWhile growing up, I remember her abusing him in our language and in English, sords like, useless man, oloshi born bastard and curses of all forms. Many nights she would not let him sleep from nagging. She could walk into the living room and put off the TV.
This also included locking him outside, trying to deny him food which we the kids refused her doing and scalding him with hot water.
She would provoke him carelessly into fights, there were times we prayed for him to throw her out or return her to her fathers house for where e no happen. Insulting his family was also not left out from this package. She has reduced it now though but from time to time the verbal abuse has continued.
I think my mother is lucky to have been married and stay married cos I know men of now can never and will never survive her behaviour.
Please if you were the same person that commented yesterday. About a nagging mother. Please she most likely has mental issues. Your dad may be aware and that is why he has been ignoring her all these years cos he knows she isn't that sane. Please if you are the same person, you people should take her for a formal evaluation.she may also be struggling.
DeleteYour mum is a terror, pls don't take up after her.
DeleteYour mom is suffering from serious mental illness. She needs help ASAP.
DeleteNa wah, please you people should try and talk to her and understand the effects of what she's doing to him and to you people..
DeleteWhile you sit back and criticise her, work on yourself so you don't repeat same in your marriage, regardless if your sex. When kids go through this, it takes a conscious effort to not end up doing same in your own marriage. Seek help for her, your dad, and all involved
DeleteIf you're the same person from the nagging parents post pls note that your mother is bipolar. It's a mental sickness. Read upon it
DeleteAlso, Pervading beliefs or stereotypes about men being abusers, women being victims.This might make many victims feel like they don’t have the space or the support to speak out about their own experiences and seek help.
ReplyDeleteYes especially emotional blackmail.
ReplyDeleteSummary of everything is abuse of men is often treated as less serious, or a “joke.”
ReplyDeleteI used to slap my ex that was the man I meant before my Godsent it was the toxicity that I was used to from my previous relationship I used to chase the Godsent away. I slap the ex one time and he picked me up,showed me to God and let me fall I sprained my hand and my head was doing boomerang all my pleas for him help me fell on deaf ears I had to call my bestie when he saw that I wasn’t faking it he came close, shoving me and he was calling “babe babe” after that he left the only thing I remember after ringing bestie was that,I opened my eyes and I was in the hospital. Since then I receive sense nowadays if I tell you how I cherish peace of mind eh? My God sent made me realized that you don’t have to be toxic in a relationship he made me realize that love is peace and Comfort but by the time I was adjusting it was too late he’s had enough his mum still wanted us back but her son said he can’t deal.
ReplyDeleteAwww,🤗. You'll be fine.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣at lifted me up and showed me to God. Sorry.
DeleteThe abusive nature still dey your body
DeleteE never comot, from your comments is obvious
That was honest! Glad you have learnt from your mistake. Hopefully he has a change of heart.
DeleteI'm glad you've learnt your lessons albeit the hard way.
Delete🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
DeleteE hugs to you.😘😘
DeleteI’m growing and I’m loving my new growth thank you everyone except lillysimple girl,please do not come for me allow us enjoy this peace in peace hun.
DeleteMy dad is a victim and he has moved out of the house for my mum, we are married and grown but this woman will never listen to advice. She's promiscuous, wicked, mean and very fetish. If you see the dirty filthy men she sleep around with you will weep and she is the one that spends for them not like she's working, her business has gone down the drain all in the name of big madam empty account she's busy doing about.
ReplyDeleteFinally, the scales upon my dad's eye has fallen and he left our 6bedroom duplex for her now she's going about the neighborhood complaining. We the children just told her we were not there when they got married so we can't interfere but God knows we are happy, my dad is not perfect but he doesn't joke with his family but my mum she's the opposite. She will slap, hit and curse at the slightest mistake. The last time I took my baby home to greet them same thing happened she was just slapping and hitting my dad oh I cried and told her do you wish this for your male child she started cursing me and that was the last time I went home it's been 2yrs now an did don't intend to go anytime soon.
So you mean,you grown adults still allow your mother to beat your father.wow!
DeleteGod bless u Stella for this.
ReplyDeleteI am a victim.this woman can fight for africa.any little things ,na slap.she no fit control herself.it was when I fainted and it took me several weeks to wake that I ran away.its been two years now and she didnt know where I was.
Thank God you ran away o, can't imagine hitting a child let alone an adult. God help all the abused men out there.
DeleteThank God you survived it.
DeleteThank God for you.
DeleteSluttydude.
So sorry for what you went through.. Good, you gave her a break to secure your life..
DeleteGood you ran for your life.
DeleteThank God for sparing your life.
DeleteYes Stella some men need factory reset too! My aunty has one bone;she married early due to a growth. Her husband senior her with 20yrs. He used to cheat on her, bring back women home to sex, expect her to serve and clean after them. She receives beating at any slightest provocation.infact he slept with a rich single woman who felt guilty and gave my aunt money for her business. So one day aunt came back home to her family, she summon meeting with the ladies in the family and her mom.
ReplyDeleteShe relayed everything that happened and when everyone was saying a piece of their mind in anger, she concluded saying"my mother, i endured all this because of the way you trained me, but as i have reported i put an end to this! people of God only her sisters and my grand mom understood oo
As she travelled back the husband brought another lady home.. My aunt served them as usual, when the lady left she started asking the man questions, immediately her husband slapped her and started beating her
As the man wanted to carry bottle out to break on her head, the coin flipped, the tigress herself, the babyboskie pahosie came out of her. she grabbed the bottle from him and broke his head, she pounds on him and gave him updated beating...then rushed him to the hospital
He was unconscious for 1week, when the doctors asked him what happened he told them that he was attacked by robbers. Its only my moms family that knew the handwriting. Till date our inlaw repented and became a loving husband because he know his factory reset button is close by!!!😂 😂 🤣 😅 to me no be domestic violence na correction.
🤣🤣🤣
Delete🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😅😅😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeletePlease I don't encourage this sort of behaviour. What if the man had died, will they remember all the wickedness he metted out on her all these years. They will just be calling her murderer. No body should use domestic violence as a last resort. Yes it worked for her it may not work for others. Pack your load if the man matter tire you. Please this no longer the 1980's we are now in 2020 don't force things that can lead the your death or death of another.
DeleteTanchu
This is a different case because she was really pushed to the wall...
DeleteThe woman beats the man it is correction.
Deletethe man beats the woman it is domestic violence? 🤐🐷🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐
😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteI think I know this your aunty
@Anon 15:54, Don't get it twisted, the man beat the wife first and as he was about to use a bottle on her head, she acted in self-defense and beat him to stupor, I will do exactly the same if pushed!
Delete17:01. Do you know men get pushed too? A woman will drag your collar, twist your shirt like she wants to use it to choke you and when you try to leave the house she will drag you even harder by your shirt and trouser and tell you, you will kill her today. You try to remove your grip. Mabanu. some will even bite you and slap you till you act in self-defense hope you won't call them women beaters too?
Delete🤣🤣🤣
Delete@ Y, Well said. Nothing stopped her from walking away. If he died, she would have ended up in big trouble. Man or woman o, Walk away, walk away, walk away! Don't even think of slapping. If dialogue cannot solve the problem, walk away.
DeleteDV where the man is the victim is worst. They don't cry out or seek for help so as not to appear weak or be ridiculed. My brother died and the wife ranaway, it still hurts me deeply what he passed through in her hands all the years we were looking for him. I know a friend passing through it now, we(mutual friends) tried to reach his family but all his SM account has been deleted and phone number changed. One thing such women have in common is they appear to be very sweet and kind hearted outside their homes.
ReplyDeleteOh please help him, maybe you are the angel sent to save him. Before she kills him.
DeleteSo sorry for your loss
DeleteSo sorry about your brother darl.🤗
DeleteTrue, men are also victims. When I was about 12yrs, I followed my dad to an uncle's house, got there and heard slaps and kicks and the wife saying "I will deal with you today and all sorts" my dad seriously started banging on the door saying so Patrick its true, I asked you when I heard the rumor and you denied that a woman you married can't beat you.
ReplyDeleteThat's how my dad called a family meeting and they all chased the woman out of my uncle's house thank God she bin never born for am.
He later confessed that she beats him at the slightest provocation. He is married to someone else and blessed with 5kids. Whenever I see him I always remember that day and how he was begging the wife "bikonu e ga emeru m ahu"
This "bikonu e ga emeru m ahu" gave me the chills.... JESU!!!
DeleteHeartbreaking. Good thing they’re divorced.
DeleteWe lost a man on our street last year his wife never gave him peace for a day.she cheats on him doesn't cook or washes his cloths raise her voice at home and most times lock him outside when he comes back from work. Finally he had HBP and he Dead . I hope she is happy now.
ReplyDeleteEvil woman.
DeleteAnd when I talked about men and hypertension, someone up there attacked?
DeleteWomen are the biggest abusers..they abuse reach househelps even work place. When it becomes too much, if by chance the man snaps, he becomes the abuser.
ReplyDeleteAlthough some men are naturally abusive in nature.
@Blackey
DeleteAnd why should men snap, are they photographers? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oh. This reminds me of my uncle. His wife would wake up and first thing she'd do in the morning is spit on him as par introduction...
ReplyDeleteShe'd try to fight him with weapons, I mean knife and Cutlass, whenever she's angry.
They're recently divorced. Finally
Spits on him first thing in the morning...such an evil woman😐😐
DeleteThis is serious ooh...may God separate us from any evil women.....and give us the good ones. Happy Sunday Fam.
ReplyDeleteMy husband nags alot and it's getting on my nerves. He's lucky I don't beat him.
ReplyDeleteMy hubby nags too. I feel like a stranger in my own home. Some days back he slapped me coz I raised my voice like he normally does. Have not been talking to him. My conscience is bothering me. But at the same time I don’t feel like talking to him. He asked me to prepare jollof rice for him d next day after slap like nothing happened and I refused. I have been doing my normal wifely duties except sleeping with him, cook his meals but not going over board like I used to. Don’t tell me to have a talk with him coz it will end worse than d last time I tried to talk. He insults my family at will m d last time I insulted his father too. I don’t know y am writing this but am getting fed up. I don’t know what I will do next. Am seriously considering leaving coz I can’t be unhappy for the rest of my life. I am still choking though. Lemme jx c what’s up
DeleteLol, don't.
DeleteYou guys are even talking domestic violence...."aren't you a man", "you are NOT a real man", "you're not mature", "don't you know you're supposed to take care of my bills", " can't you see how Mr Brown spoil his wife with gifts", " my ex was better than this", I can go on and on.....narcissistic wives
ReplyDeleteThe are afraid to speakup because of the shame attached to saying that their wife is beating or maltreating them.
ReplyDeleteSome men need brain reset, my aunt use to be victim dv every little or some times out provocation beating and when he is doing that he luck the door so no one can come to her rescue then stupid in-laws will be out side telling him to beat her very well, one day she said to self her mumu don do she beat hell out of him till fainted as usual her in-laws were happy thinking she was the one receiving slaps when she finished open the door the we're surprise to see her she told them to carry their son to the hospital since that day every body dey their till she died.
ReplyDeleteTruly some women are evil personified. My Uncle's wife wife and a neighbours wife are on sitting on this table. Evil women
ReplyDelete😂😂😂Some of the comments here are funny, joke aside violence from man or woman is very bad, most homes lack genuine Christianity, u cannot be christ like and exhude violence, every marriage built on money, fantasy, beauty etc will crack or crash, but any built on God will stand, the foundation of God standeth sure.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle died untimely from abuses. The wife abused him emotionally, physical and spiritually . she went diabolical to accomplish her mission. Till his last breathe, he does not no peace .The woman later remarry and meet with higher power. She is late now. Abuses does not know gender. May God direct us and marry right.
ReplyDeleteMy parents neighbour in Delta, the wife use to chase the man and he will be running like nwa okuku, if she catch him eh, na correct beating. The is 6ft plus while the man is around 4ft plus. Men suffer domestic violence too but are usually ashame to admit.
ReplyDeleteDr Sid's wife used to beat him na. That was a celebrity couple o , shame no gree make Sid report to anyone or seek for help. Thank Goodness they divorced. D babe for don kill am now.
ReplyDeleteDr Sid's wife used to beat him na. That was a celebrity couple o , shame no gree make Sid report to anyone or seek for help. Thank Goodness they divorced. D babe for don kill am now.
ReplyDeleteI have been there. I suffered mental and emotional abuse to the point I went into depression and suffered anxiety attacks and currently on medication to manage the two. Whenever I tried talking to my wife about these things, she reacted like she was not doing anything wrong! Even when I told her I was now on medication, she did not (even till this day) pass a comment on the fact that I am now a medicated adult! She denied everything to the point where I started to question my own perception of reality. The funny part is that no one around us saw it because in front of outsiders, we looked like a great couple!
ReplyDeleteAll this partly because of the change in our circumstance - we relocated to a different country and the terms and conditions of our visa prevents me from working full time but she is able to work. Even with the part time work I did, I contribute every penny I make to the home, paid rent, and all utility bills (except water), insurance, car purchase and maintenance, while she is responsible for all other bills. I consciously don't ask her for money even though she always has spare cash while I am completely expended every month and I know she has a growing savings. I am constantly in debt because I will rather access credit than ask her, but I consider this better than facing her reaction - which constant shows that she is completely displeased with spending her money on my request.
To her credit though, she does provide for some of my needs - as long as I don't ask her or suggest. So, there is always food at home, if she thinks I need a thing, she'd buy me one, but our day is ruined if I have a need and mention it to her with expectation of her helping. When our roles was reversed, I made sure she was comfortable asking me for anything she needed. She is also generous to our kids - spoiling them a little.
Back in Naija, she was a full time stay at home mum, and before people say she might be paying me back, in Nigeria, we constantly celebrated the fact that we were so happy together and she constantly celebrated me for being a great husband who loved her, protected her and provided for her and family. I didn't have another woman in my life, had a good job and she had access to my wallet and even has my ATM pin till this day. of course, we had our occasional quarrels like any couple, but that was about all. I think, she just never desired the role she is now playing or thought about the way the role will make her feel, so she started taking it all out on me.
Through out the period of abuse, I could not share the whole truth with anyone but silently lived with a woman who was always angry and resentful towards me. Who do I tell when everyone expects me to be strong? Even my counsellor, I only told other things, but never the way my wife was behaving at home. The interesting part is that for some reason, women (and it seems the world) expects women should be protected but it is OK for men to be exposed to harm.
Just like the ongoing conversation about race, it is difficult to resolve anything when the abusive party does not see or acknowledge something is wrong. My wife stayed in denial and even though things have improved today (and I thank God because I do love this woman), there still is no assertive admission of error (which still scares me when I think about it). Things only started to improve after progressively worsening for about a year and half, and very many instances of me pleading, some quarrels, one a recent instance of violent response on my part and me eventually letting her know I am considering leaving the marriage or at least moving out of our home because I am not a violent person and will not let the madness in our home turn be into one.
When she started to change, I realized she was aware of what she was doing all along, though she consistently acted clueless about her action. Abi, how does a person stop doing what they originally insisted they were not doing?
So sorry about that dear, i pray you will be fine.
DeleteMay God help you