How do you cope?Did you know before you married the person or found out after the wedding?
How bad is their issue and what kind is it?Is it a manageable one or the 'Yaba left type'?
Is mental health issues inborn or is it triggered by something?
Thursday, July 23, 2020
Couch Convo - Married To Someone With Mental Health Issues
What does it feel being married to someone with mental health issues?
How do you cope?Did you know before you married the person or found out after the wedding?
How bad is their issue and what kind is it?Is it a manageable one or the 'Yaba left type'?
Is mental health issues inborn or is it triggered by something?
How do you cope?Did you know before you married the person or found out after the wedding?
How bad is their issue and what kind is it?Is it a manageable one or the 'Yaba left type'?
Is mental health issues inborn or is it triggered by something?
86 comments:
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That's like suicide. Let me read comments.
ReplyDeleteYou need to be educated about mental illness. Most people are living with it and are functioning. A lot of factors can trigger mental illness, stress, birth, anxiety and these are emotions and event that happen everyday. Because of the stigma associated with it, (case in point your comment) people tend to keep it to themselves and suffer in silence. There different types of mental illness, there’s the sad, the bad and they mad. Each is managed and controlled differently.
DeleteI will be back to read comments
ReplyDeleteSTELLA THIS QUESTION IS FOR WOMEN NA. DEM GO STILL MANAGE MENTAL CASE MAN BUT IF NA WOMAN DEY SICK THE MAN GO LEAVE AM FAST FAST. SAME GOES FOR WOMEN IN PRISON IN NIGERIA. VERY SAD
DeleteLet me read comments on this. It is well with anyone going through this.
ReplyDeleteIt's totally draining even as though i haven't been there.Goodness gracious!
ReplyDeletePls is womanizing a mental health issue? If yes I am married to someone with severe mental health issues!!!
ReplyDeleteYes it's
DeleteThis your question get as E be.
DeleteHahahahhahhaha
DeleteSorry I had to laugh.
Let's join you in prayers that he gets well soon. Prayer everybody!!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Unmental it for him nah u sef act like men r after u. His brain will Reset
DeleteI know we laugh but it actually can be. Sex addiction, like any other type of addiction is a real issue
DeleteMy sis unknowingly married one cos he was judiciously taking his pills and there were no symptoms before the wedding.
ReplyDeleteAfter a year plus,he slacked in taking the medication and next thing was fight,rejection of the baby,talking to imaginary people,chasing her with stick and beating.
Well she is back to us,life has no duplicate.
Ehya
DeleteIt's well with your sister
Better, life has no duplicate.
Delete😲😲😲😲😲🙆🙆🙆🙆 your sister should leave that sick man before he kills her and her baby.
Deleteeyyah! May God strengthen your sist and provide all it takes to care for the baby.
DeleteThey”sick man” needs help and should be helped. It is not his fault that he’s acting in that manner. I guess marriages are no longer “in sickness and in health” mental illness is a disease and needs to be managed. Thousands of productive people in the society are living with it and managing it.
DeleteAnon 14:09, in fact, it's a perfect ground for an annulment because he hid his illness perfectly from the woman before marrying her.
DeleteIn sickness or health doesn't include dishonesty!
You can only support someone who admits there is a problem and wants to be supported. Should his wife tie him up and stuff his pills in his mouth @ 14.09 because marriage is for better for worse when he didn't even disclose his medical condition to her?
DeleteSome mental issues are hereditary. While some are as a result of heartbreak. I am in the legion of Mary(catholic society) and my legion work was at psychiatric Yaba every Sunday after mass.You need to see the number of young people with mental issues. My sister in law's younger sister has mental issues too. she is on medication which she complains makes her add so much weight, sleepy, and dull and so she does not like taking her medications. Once she stops the medication, she becomes violent again and end up at Yaba left for some months again. This actually broke her engagement, so she is a single mom now, but my brother and her sister adopted the boy and are taking good care of him with their kids.
ReplyDeleteAww it is well..
DeleteEyah.
DeleteI remember while in secondary school we went for excursion in one of such places on Eket,can't remember the name now. I saw young girls there. The doctor there told us that most of them are emotionally triggered.
If I am heartbroken,I will cry and cry and cry and then console myself instead of me to come and run mad because of man
God bless your brother and his wife. E no easy...
DeleteAwwwww God bless them.
DeleteMental health issues.... This minute they're happy, next sad. Little things trigger their mood. Everything they feel is extreme.. Anger, joy, sadness, anguish. etc.
ReplyDeleteA lot of them are born normal, but the environment and people they related with and circumstances that played out shaped them. It could be harsh criticism, abuse of whatever sort, lack of love etc.
To help these people, they need therapy. They're not crazy but most are just misunderstood. Someone who can listen and not judge them will help their condition. That's why therapy is adviced.They have episodes. Once it starts, getting them out of it is a challenge cos everything they feel is extreme. At that point all they need is massive love and understanding, if you attack them you're only prolonging the episodes to last longer.
Some percentage of these people, get tired of it all, and end it. Its an internal struggle, even themselves don't understand it all but they know something is wrong. If you have a loved one going through this, please be mindful of how you treat them, they re fighting unseen battles. Don't add to it.
Mental Health Advocate.
Beautiful.... More awareness is seriously needed
Delete❤❤❤❤
DeleteAwwww. Thank you for this. You just encouraged me to continue supporting my husband
DeleteGod bless you real good Rhapsody
DeleteYou said it all. 😍😍
God bless you Rhapsody.
DeleteI agree with you. I have a brother who has mental health issues...and guess what he is a Medical Doctor.
DeleteThank you Rhapsody
DeleteFor most people in Nigeria that never had any history of mental health issues in their families and they suddenly developed it, it's caused by spiritual forces aka village people. Sometimes serious ogbanje can also cause mental health issues. But there are also other causes. Na God dey save his people.
ReplyDeleteA man I know had serious mental health problems but he has been taken his medications since 1997 and has been stable since then. Then he stopped after some time because he felt the problem would never come back but alas it did. He went on admission in the hospital and became stable again. He has learnt never to joke with his medications. He's married with kids and doing fine. He told me his problem was caused by excessive fasting and praying. Yes! It can cause mental problems. It leads to sensory deprivation and problems in the brain.
Some injections can also cause mental health issues. It goes straight to the brain and causes mental problems. It happened to someone I know. She was sick and injection was given. Before they knew it, she started misbehaving. They took her to the psychiatric hospital and she became fine but she has been on medications since then. Almost 10 years now.
A lady I told about divorced her husband after 2 kids and the man being a traditionalist afflicted her with mental illness. She has also been on medications and stable.
Another person I heard her story happened to be an ogbanje. The ogbanje spirits caused mental illness for her. She's not on medications. Hers comes and goes. She has been living with it.
Some are also caused by smoking of Indian hemp and cannabis.
Many of them still get married and manage to live in peace with their spouses. If they suffer relapse, they'll be taken to the hospital.
What I know is that we should be kind and not discriminate against anybody in life because it could be you.
Minister of informashin.
DeleteIts like you skipped your medications. Ogbanje dey cause mental illness? Lmao, get help becos of this tot pattern... the frustration in Nigeria alone is enough to make a sane person go mad. One of the reasons i stopped driving in lagos..esp in traffic, everyone is angry nd insane. Nigerians think mental illness is spiritual attack meanwhile alot of ppl have it in their bloodline,all they need is trigger. And marijuana doesnt cause mental illness. Dont ever say what the fuck you dont know. Ode
DeletePlease 13:55. Yes Marijuana causes mental illness over time in some people. My sister of 55 is suffering that now. We all have to pick up the pieces...of her over 20years of Igbo smoking
DeleteTaa...marijuana aka igbo aka indian hemp will make u craze over time. You will never be normal as a chronic igbo smoker.
DeleteMarijuana does not cause mental illness but it triggers it in people with it already
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
Igbo does not cause mental illness if you don’t already have it lying low in your brain.
DeleteNo. Minister of Misinformation you mean!!!
DeleteWhere is Yaba left escapee?
ReplyDeleteI have nt really seen a mental couples b4,but my former neighborhood,there is this man that normally barks like a dog every night...I don't know what kind of mental illness is DAT one
ReplyDeleteMentally ill partner is usually Male. If the female is Ill there wont be a couple coz the man go leave am far tey
DeleteI’ll share mine. My elder brother suffers from mental health issues. He is the kindest soul you can ever come across but when he stops or misses his meds... big trouble!
ReplyDeleteHe recently brought home a girl to marry. My parents and I were at initially supportive of his decision because he mentioned he had being open to her about his struggles but we have decided the marriage cannot go on. My brother still lives with my aged parents but that’s not the issue. The issue is On several occasions, they have heard this girl screaming and yelling at my brother over the phone. My mum read his messages one day and found really nasty rude disrespectful texts from the lady.
They definitely cannot get married because what triggers my brother’s violent nature is when he feels disrespected and clearly, this girl has no clue on how to handle my brother. We would have settled down to talk to her but the girl self already started telling my brother that he will need to stop being so close to his family! Lol! Family that has supported and taken care of him all these years, family that can manage him? The girl is a joker! My brother’s violence is out of this world. He once threatened to kill my parents in their sleep. They had to find a hotel that night. You see why we can’t allow him marry someone that isint patient and respectful? No one wants to be informed that he has committed murder because the girl disrespected him. My sister is of the opinion that the girl is attracted to my brother because of the money. We come from a very comfortable family. The girl in question has been acting up since even towards my parents since they told them to put the ceremony on hold, the foolish thing doesn’t know we are trying to save her from the troubles that come with being married to someone like my brother. Her case is worse self as she clearly has no knowledge on how to handle him.
No one in the family is pressurising him to get married, we feel he is okay the way he is. We don’t want anyone that will maltreat our dear brother for us plus we don’t want anyone who isint well informed to accuse us of allowing her marry wahala.
Kai, it is well with you people, I hope refusing him from marrying the girl won’t trigger him, I feel so worried for him and your family.
DeleteMay God bless your family for embracing your brother. May God bless you and your family for living in your truth. May God continue to bless your family for having empathy for this ignorant girl!! I cannot pray for your family enough because of your genuine kindness and honesty
DeleteYou are not a nice family. No thought or consideration for the girl who is willing to take on your problematic bother hun? So someone who was violent enough to threaten your parents with murder in their own home is a prize? He doesn't like being disrespected so everyone should walk on egg shells around him? If you ask me the girl has had a very very lucky escape. Good luck getting your brother a doormat.
DeleteYeah..Ur family is truthful one indeed and I commend them unlike some families that will hide the the mental state of their son just to see him married off and then expect the poor girl to manage what they have not been able to manage themselves.
DeleteIts better they call it off before we hear stories that touch later on.
Are you sure he was open to the girl about his mental health issues?
DeleteYour brother is a time bomb waiting to explode on your parents. It's not safe for him to live with your aged parents. Interference in his personal life may trigger him.
Please advise the girl that he has mental health up issues without beating around the bush.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Anonymous 15:41 you are not a nice person at all. People should be weary of your type. May God help you to change your mindset. After all the detailed explanation this lady gave you are still disrespecting her and her family because.
DeleteI remember last year this same lady was always asking for prayers for her brother in particular and her family because of his health and you came out of nowhere to spew this trash.
Don't mind him or her. Their type are the reasons people keep secrets. If u start running mad now will say na person do u. Monkey.
DeleteAnon 15:you're a very nasty and bitter person.
DeleteSome people here will not read well but will always be in a hurry to attack the writer, not cool at all.
DeleteGod bless you and your family for being honest and supportive towards your brother.
If it is God's Will for him to get married he will, and I pray that he Marry an understanding spouse and not someone that will trigger his conditions.
Anono 15:41, I put it to you that you are a very very very very unhappy person.
My ex’s mum has extreme OCD and delusions, she does not touch anything, she doesn’t open doors, switch off light, touch the remote, anything at all, she calls me to do those things for her no matter what I’m doing, she also thinks everyone is evil, if she sees a wall gecko she ll say it was sent and an agent of the devil, same as cockroach, lizard, or any insect, she said it was revealed to her that I have a spirit husband that is attacking her son but that he doesn’t know, I jejely left her and her son and ran for my dear life, I felt pity for her but she was gradually driving me crazy .
ReplyDeleteMy bro was married to one they arer separated for now. We didn't know and I guess my bro found out after the birth of her 2nd child and she Alost lost her mum. Although she usually gets unnecessarily violent sometimes, we just used to think it was normal. Until her mum passed, she was emotionless toward her mum, didn't even go to see her at d hospital before she passed.
ReplyDeleteMy sweet bro who was in love found out n was secretly taking care of her. She won't bath, cook or feed the baby, when the baby turned 6months, she woke up one morning while my bro was still slepping n hit his head with a stool. That was when he fessed up. After investigation it was discovered that she had mental illness right from her childhood, butg her parents his it from us. We had to take the kids from her, my bro spent everything to get a back to normal, to her to a psychiatric home for months. She came back better. Then she got pregnant again n it was worse, she almost strangled her father to death, jumped out of my bro's moving car. Finally she threatened my bro with a knife that was the last straw.
They are separated now, my parents takes good care of the kids. I just wonder why bad things happens to good people, amongst all my siblings he's the nicest and most selfless. I pray he finds a good woman soon
I feel sad for the woman. You know it isn't her fault, right? I think it's wrong for you all to abandon her. It's not her fault. It's not her fault.
DeleteChild birth sometimes triggers mental issues women. During my NYSC days, I know of a woman that ran mad after having her second baby. Post natal depression is real
DeleteAnon, it's not her fault that she has mental health issues but she did wrong when she withheld the info prior to marriage.
DeleteSuch shouldn't be kept in the dark, ever! So that the partner makes up his/her mind to stay or leave.
Anything Naija, it is well with your brother and his kids, but is the medication not working for? I guess she is not taking it as she should.
ReplyDeleteStella I was in this situation few yrs ago..I'm a trained nurse leaving with my parents.my younger ones are all married.Age wasn't on my side but still no suitors.
ReplyDeletePatients were match making up and down..so a patient introduced me to her brother abi kinsman..we met,guy man was ok thou he talks to much..he visited my parents and they liked him especially my mum,she said he was dwn to earth and friendly jst cos he finished all d food she served him.
He visited my elder brother in lag..my bro said no..that he was jst eating like a hungry man..clear plate,finished a bottle of wine.when he told my parents they said ha he complains alot,that nothing is wrong with d guy.my bro wife even said he was asking their maid if my bro owns d house,d cars in d compound.
My bro wife called her mum to make enquiry abt d guy since he's from their place,d mum told her that guy man has kolo when she told us we didn't accept,we tot she was jst jelous o..ha desperation can put one inside trouble.
Lastly we got married o..ha bvs I married werey man o.
6mnths everything normal until sometime in Nov that yr oga begin dey loose nuts o..if we are discussing he'll be yarning offpoint.one night he woke up shouting..make una leave me o,I wan baff o..na so oga open door enter drum of water outside.i called neighbors o,they took him to hospital.
When I called his elder sister d hubby picked after I told him what happened he said ha so this thing never leave this man.
Woo I carry my bag waka o na old I old I no kill person o.
Hmmmm.... You no be Better person. Imagine saying your sister in-law was jealous of you. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
DeleteAnon 18:48 na the sister in-law I blame. That sister in-law never know the Kain family she marry. I bless God cos I know my inlaws. Mind your business kind of people , infact dem no born the person wey dem no ask to your mouth for their matter. That is why she entered the one she entered. Plus ,you sef a whole nurse, did you make attempt to treat him before you ran away. I am sure his family felt since you were a nurse you could assist him. The only reason I am angry with them is the decit as they didn't tell you his problem before you married.
Delete😂😂😂🤣🤣 abeg na old you old you no kee person😂😂
DeleteKaaai!
DeleteSome people will not bother to read instead will be in a hurry to comment and attack!
God forbid I come across some of you here.
Anon 16:52, thank goodness that you acknowledged where you erred, desperation!!
May God bless you with that which your heart desires.
Just so you know, deceitfulness is a legal ground for annulment of any Union.
Can being rape cause a mental issue???
ReplyDeleteThe trauma can trigger it
DeleteMy elder sister have a mental illness she developed during her waec exam. If the sickness that ee, she can go outside naked if we are not around. She later got married and everyone was happy. But the husband died leaving her with 3kids. After the burial, her husband people pursue her and her kids. She is now living with my parents. She doesn't cook or care if her kids are hungry nor eaten. All she does is sleep wake up and eat. Every month, I must cough out money for her medical injection. This my sister is one of the nicest and industrious. We have prayed,fasted for Divine healing, but no way. She too have also prayed but now she has lost hope. If the sickness that ee, she will be so religious that she can sleep inside blessed sacrament chapel. I just praying to God to heal her cos if mum die now, I don't know how e go be.
ReplyDeleteThe Lord will heal her in Jesus' name. Amen.
DeleteSo sad, I pray for healing or a proper management routine. God is your family's strength.
DeleteGod's divine healing will visit her soon amen.
DeleteOh dear.
DeleteThis is sad.
I pray for healing upon her.
I pray for strength and understanding upon your family.
God bless you for not abandoning her, not minding the financial hurdle.
Mental health is a real issue, I am beginning to consider a lot of things and putting things in perspective and wondering if what am going through is not the same case. I think my husband is bipolar or whatever...he’s still angry with me for 2years running now over an offense he committed against me that led me to leaving the house to his parent’s base, even though I am still leaving in the house he built.
ReplyDeleteI keep apologizing and trying to see how we can work things out but in his head, he feels I have offended him beyond forgiveness. He’s does drugs and gets high almost all the time, I have witnessed him have seizures due to the use of drugs and this has led him to having accidents or at least one that I have witnessed.
He’s angry I reported him to his parents, but I only did that to get him help but I am the bad one, sometimes we are cool and sometimes he gets triggered and starts acting weird! Am scared of this marriage but right now, I don’t have anything to fall back to and we have a child together. No one understands the emotional abuse I have suffered in this my short life.
He has even apologized to me for always transferring aggressions to me and this is something I have suffered since growing up with my own family. Life is sooo tiring, I wish I could undo things, I try to show him love and talk about this things to see how we can work it out but he doesn’t even seem interested.
I wish I am financially capable to walk out of this mess.
I am so handicapped at the moment. He has so much energy for fight. This guy can fight with the whole world and there’s no telling to when it will end.
I cried on several occasions begging him on my knees to let go off what is already past so we can make things work but all to no avail over what he did wrong to me.
I am just tired!!!
Before I left the house, he hung out a lot, he moves around at night like it’s day time, he could turn on music so loud at night while I am sleeping, he doesn’t sleep at night. But goes out and in multiple times, slamming the doors, even our neighbors wondered how I coped!
Even his so called friends comes to the house even after midnights, they will come in gisting and even gets to wake me up to come greet them at those nights, or buys meats and wakes me up to come eat and if I said no, he would ease and say am rejecting what he got me and he would eat it all.
The story plenty but let me just stop here.
If na you dey craze him go stay with you ?
DeleteWork towards being financially stable
DeleteMental illness is very bad.I once had a neighbor who had mental issues.His case was more of hereditary.The mum had mental issues too.Gosh most times the guy will quarell that he will burn down the compound it was so scary.He was living downstairs of the flat.Everyone will panic.He will carry petrol and matches and we will all flee.He will insult everyone and was very violent.We later moved out of the house.The dad chased the mum because of her erratic nature.Few years ago I met someone and asked after him.They said they came back one day and found him in the parlour dead like he took a substance.Mental health is very bad and pray your loved ones does not suffer.I pray all those battling mental issues respite will come and God should heal them.
ReplyDelete@ madam 15.41
ReplyDeleteI never stated my brother was a prize! It’s clear you read but have issues comprehending. We called off the wedding not her, we are protecting her from what she clearly doesn’t understand. She thinks it’s just for him to take his medication but doesn’t understand that they have all sort of games they play to make you believe they are taking their meds.my brother used to hide the meds in his mouth then flush it down the drain when no one is looking. These drugs aren’t cheap btw! We don’t want him to harm anyone that’s why we say If at all he gets married, it needs to be to someone who understands him and is patient.
And yes! Leaving with him means we have to ‘walk on egg shells’ we have decided that’s our own cross and God has been faithful. Do you know how many times he has attempted suicide? And no we didn’t have a history of mental health in my family, some family members swear it’s a spiritual attack.
I won’t pray you ever experience such but please learn to read, settle down and understand posts before commenting. Don’t attract curses to yourself.
Not mind some people, always attacking! Read and comprehend HELL NO!!!
DeleteAlways making sick assumptions.
May God continue to bless you and your family for being realistic and Frank.
It is well.
Awwwwwwww
DeleteI pray God heals him. I feel so sad reading this
My husband has been to yaba left and he is okay now, we have been married for 19 years now, he stayed there for a period of 60days. I noticed after some years of marriage when he lost his job that he became very violent, shouts often,always demanding for sex unhappy and sometimes very moody it got to a part he sometimes talks to himself, it became so bad when I couldn't bear it and i complained to his family members and we stylishly took him to yaba left because he disagreed that nothing is wrong with him. He is very okay now and doing well. I make sure that he takes his medications daily. Mental sickness is not a death sentence, if you visit yaba left you will see a lot of well to do people there for check up and others. It is just the stimatization we have in Nigeria. Many behaviours you see manifesting can be traced to mental illness but for Nigeria we nor dey gree.
ReplyDeleteStella thanks a lot for this topic, you are Woke.
Awwwwww, God bless you and keep you and yours safe.
DeleteYou are a good lady, and God will never allow shame to befall you.
Jisike!
I have learnt a lot from this discussion.. thank you Stella.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading all these tonight,I am short of words
ReplyDeleteI pray for healing for Everyone going through any sort of mental issue in Jesus name,Amen
My cousin who is presently staying with us for about a year now has a mental health issues. My mum said his Dad had the issue while growing up, so it's jellkind of hereditary and they believe is also spiritual too. He has to leave Cross River to come stay with us in Abuja.
ReplyDeleteStaying with us initially was annoying. He was always sleeping, looking dull and wants to be left alone and fat too..
He was always travelling for check up but now he is fine.
Read so many heartbreaking comments.
ReplyDeleteMay God heal everyone with it completely. To the families members being supportive, God bless you all 💙
If you always yell you could be seen as mentally ill
ReplyDelete