STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED URGENTLY
Good day my people. Please I need to know if I'm on track or not.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a while. I'm a student by the way. So I told him I would love to start a little business so I can have a source of income at least... He agrees to help me with 50k.
Couple of days later he said he likes my idea and the main reason he's helping me is so that few years from now when he's building his house I'll have something to support the home with.
That statement made me quite uncomfortable (I didn't show it). Shouldn't he be helping me because he wants me to grow and be a better woman?. Must it boil down to how it would affect him? I hope tomorrow this doesn't become an issue.
Should I take this help or not? Am I just overthinking it?
*He has indirectly told you that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you but you chose to see the bad side of what he said....
Why don't you have a talk with him concerning this?tell him how you feel or walk away and don't even think about marrying him..
The truth is that no matter where you get the starting capital,if he marries you,he will leave some responsibilities for you,which i find OK........or dont you want to bring anything to the Table in the Marriage?
Most Nigeria women think it is the duty of the man to provide 100 percent but that aint right!
🚶♀️🚶♀️🚶♀️
ReplyDeleteWait for me!!!! So you think his statement is bad. Are you sure you love him?
DeleteStella nailed this one. There is no dignity in being a taker.
DeleteWhich way Naija ladies?
DeleteStella nailed it!!!
DeleteBut you know what? That's how the single, young and naive naija girls think. But we the married ones are laughing in our minds!!! Them never see anything at all!!! Many women are footing more than half of the family bills in the home. Naija men aren't doing that much, you'd be alarmed at the number of women paying their children's school fees, abi the house in the village,, ie many women built houses in their husbands village but the men are forming that they built the house!!! Am talking about average Nigerian men!!! Some of them are so stingy eh!!! Once the woman is working they won't bring feeding money!!! The truth is that once you end up with an average Nigerian man, zero your mind.
Stella nailed it!!!
DeleteBut you know what? That's how the young, single and naive naija girls think. But we the married ones are laughing in our minds!!! Them never see anything at all!!! Many women are footing more than half of the family bills in the home. Naija men aren't doing that much, you'd be alarmed at the number of women paying their children's school fees, abi the house in the village,, ie many women built houses in their husbands village but the men are forming that they built the house!!! Am talking about average Nigerian men!!! Some of them are so stingy eh!!! Once the woman is working they won't bring feeding money!!! The truth is that once you end up with an average Nigerian man, zero your mind.
Well said.
DeleteHope the brother dishes the bullet aimed at him... No 'stories that touches' tomorrow
DeleteHope the brother dodge's the bullet aimed at him....to avoid 'stories that touches'tomorrow
DeleteSis you've listened to angry feminist coven on twitter so much so your mind is now looking for something where there is nothing.
DeleteI'm sure you'll still complain if Babe decides to keep his money. Sha leave him and his money, find a woman willing to dash you money.
Poster I agree with you, mainly because I am tired of Nigerian men mentality that they can't help you without strings attached. You guys are just dating, you may be planning to get married soon, yet you don't know tommorrow. I hope if you guys don't eventually get married he won't ask you to pay him back his money? My sister, I am weary of such gifts from experience. And I think your instincts are spot on. I believe true love doesn't count the cost on both sides, that is, the male and female. Anyway you know your guy better sha........
DeleteAnon 17:08 No Offense but just because it is common in Nigerian marriages DOES NOT mean it is the right thing to do. No wonder naija women hold husband to their chest like say....No woman will want to throw away her investements. But how many of those men really remember the woman that made them who they are when they finally hit it big. Not many! Some may even find that the woman is not their true spec when they start making money. Men are only loyal to their egos and dicks. Please let us stop this silly idea of a woman must build up a man or struggle to earn his love or marriage. It is absolute rubbish and part of the reason why many naija men don't value their wives and see them as dispensable. A man cannot value what he has not invested in or was not a challenge to him! If it worked for you, good. But pray to God that you have a man who is worth it because if that man should leave you for younger finer sisi, e go pain you o. and you will start beefing women that have husbands that take care of majority of finances
DeleteNaija sis
ReplyDeleteStella is the wisest woman on earth, argue with your keyboard✌️✌️✌️
DeleteYou don't want to support at home before?
ReplyDeleteI love this poster for asking. It means you're ready to unlearn and learn new things.
DeleteThe way I see it, he was probably relieved that you dont plan to be a burden to him.
Forget social media.
Marrying housewives is fading out.
Put your brother in his shoes, and you'll see that he is a good man.
Never discuss something like this directly with him.
If you must ask, ask codedly, cos that kain talk might kill his respect for you
Stella has said it all! As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to add and nothing to subtract...
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that once a guy start dating Nigerian girls, the next thing is demands for monies?
ReplyDeleteAre you folks steeped in protracted greed?
🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
GREED AND POVERTY MIXED WITH A POOR SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT. SO SAD.
DeleteI tell you... She is so confused and lost that she doesn't know what she wants and that's what every girl wants.. Aunty Stella has made the point
DeleteDirectly or indirectly, it means that if tomorrow you decide not to marry him, you will vomit that 50k.
ReplyDeleteEkwuchakwa m. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Plus interest
DeletePlus 50% equity in your business
Plus I own or made you
Except he has the fear of God or doing so well himself could careless about your money. Poster pray this is the situation. Unless you have other source of start up fee.. well weigh it out.. and go with the choice you have right now
Poster calm down you need to realize that him giving you money is a sort of investment which is normal that he gets returns. Give him the benefit of doubt and think of how to be collaborative and sustain that business. At least he brought part of the capital to start your business. However be gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent. All the best..
ReplyDeleteAre you capable of giving someone 10k
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with what he said to you? What's wrong in building a home together?
I bet you are a selfish person.
See the way you are reacting ontop his own money.
Sluttydude.
What is there to discuss.he is seeing u in his future.pls loosen up
ReplyDeleteMadam Stella is right.
ReplyDeletePoster nawa for u o.
If I'm him I will just dump u sef for ur mentality alone
Stella mama!!! how can i not love you? you couldn’t have said it any better. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteI don't think that's the problem oooo. The problem is the responsibility atta hed to the money. I mean if a man can sponsor his siblings to school without expecting anything in return then why put a return on your partner? Naturally she would assist her home but he is wrong for pegging it down. My hubby told me he would invest money in my education abroad so that i would cater for the family at his retirement, it hurt me deeply cos this is a man who invested 50m in a property but makes just 2.5m as rent so maybe he should invest such an amount on me and then be ecpecting 2.5m???
DeleteWhen you know you have responsibility you will be serious in that you school. Investing 50m in property and making 2.5m is not the target. In 5years time do you know how much that property will worth? Do you know how much he can borrow from bank for having that property. Do you know he can borrow 30m from bank and buy land somewhere and use the rent money to offset the loan while wait for the land to appreciate before you know he will worth over 200m. Stop talking like a kid you are family. Go to school and support your husband.
DeleteNigerian girls and asking for money.
ReplyDeleteTufiakwa. The next thing, you will tell him to open a business for your mother 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 You are funny. Thing is people like this poster are selfish and self centered.
DeleteSluttydude.
Which one is Sluttydude again? 😂😂😂😂
DeletePls...pls...pls. What is tufiakwa there. Didn't you see where she said that they've been together for long, if he is capable then she has every right to ask for that assistance. Who miss independent help.
Delete@Shooter
DeleteShe is a "dude" sluttychic 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@Spanishlantern
DeleteSo who is writing chronicles and why?
Why not accept, receive, collect, intercept and snatch his money in peace and
allow us to read other stories?
Don't you see the big rope attached to the money?
Oh I forgot you are a "spanishlantern." Please add
a little kerosene to the stuff 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That is our culture in Igboland and that culture formed mentality of some. Some men are okay with having their wives stay at home to take care of the kids . Some have businesses they run with their wives., some companies , some push their spouses into politics , some open business for theirs. It isn’t one seize fits all.., whatsoever works in your home and keeps your home sane go for it!! The man is still the head of the family. If you find his suggestion uncomfortable, end that relationship.
ReplyDeletePlease don't take the money to avoid "I helped her and she dumped me"
ReplyDeleteYou might see a better man tomorrow.
Poster please don't follow this advice ooo
DeleteKeep ur boyfriend ooo
Keep him and respect him
He loves u
Stella said it all
Anon na you Sabi.
DeleteIf he really wants her in his future he won't say "when he is building "his" house. The guy is selfish.
I rebuke helpers that will give me condition before they help me from my life.
If I were in her shoes, I would reject the offer, and begin scrutinizing that relationship properly.
DeleteThere's a red flag sonehwres, don't be blinded by "he is seeing you in his future". Don't.
Anon 19:43 Thank you o. The fact that many naija women are married to men that cannot boast of supplying their financial needs does not mean every single lady must enter a marriage like that. No offense but many marriage dynamics like that, the woman is filled with so much bitterness and tiredness because she is carrying the weight of the finances on her back and her husband cannot even help her with house chores when she gets back from a hard day's work. The woman seeks funds from men outside in return for sexual favors. They have lost respect for their husbands. NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THIS. Every one wants to form happily married and covering up for their husbands' inabilities. is that life???
DeleteThat one na big big suffer head o. Many of those marriages the women are suffering and smiling just to say they are bearing MRS. Most feel stuck in that marriage and regret settling for less. And you start misleading the young single ladies that that is way to marry when infact better options exist for them out there. That is why one needs to expand her options and horizon. POSTER, Pls do not listen to married women like that. They will mislead you into the dread that they currently face out of envy. LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS. If you feel a man is gonna be expecting you to support him and the kids on your back financially, RUN O. RUN O! E get why!
Thank you
Delete11:08
Poster honestly I don’t think anything is wrong with what he said, he want you to feel some responsibility, do you want to sit at home dojj in ng nothing or contributing nothing? If a woman contribute 10-30% in a home I don’t see anything wrong, though it depend on your income though but at least some respect will be there and your family don’t need to ask in-law instead I give them yourself. Let him support you nahh o o as the love dey hotttttttt
ReplyDeletePoster u are not serious. The guy wants to marry you. What if the business kicks off and brings in plenty money? Can't you invest with your husband? Collect the money abeg
ReplyDeletePoster,why take it so serious? Stella spoke my mind sha.
ReplyDeleteStella, you wrote exactly what I had in mind after reading it.
ReplyDeleteAunty why are you short sighted ? You're thinking about yourself alone.
ReplyDeleteYes, he's helping you to help himself later in life unless you want to get money from him and go after another man .
If you no wan marry him, don't collect his money o.
Giving motivated by entitlement and selfishness ?
DeleteHe is not giving but investing
No sentiment or lovey dovey
Aunty na investment not gift
Poster, there's no cause for alarm here. I think he just want you to make use of the money judiciously...
ReplyDeleteHe just want you to manage and turn it into a mega business. But you can discuss with him to be reassured...
Lol poster, dont you want to have something to support the home with at some point especially if he's having a hard time meeting up? I don't mean leaving you to deal with the responsibilities of running the home? I honestly dont see the biggie here.
ReplyDeleteSo basically I think you're overthinking it dearie.🤗
He's actually trying to tell her he wants a future with her and also stylishly telling her to put the money into good use and expand I. E he wants you to be more. Poster, he means well.
Delete😂😂😂 She sounds miserly or stingy but i might be wrong.Happy Sunday to y'all on here
ReplyDeleteI don't think so. I think she is being cautious, because her instincts are alerting her to something.
DeleteFoolish girl. The guy should dump your entitled lazy ass. So in the future you want to have a biz and not help out your husband.
ReplyDeleteYou suppose to be grateful that he agreed to help you. Please don't read negative meaning to his statement.
ReplyDeleteI don’t see anything wrong with the statement. He sees the relationship with you as something that will lead to marriage. Infact as a woman now it’s a thing of pride to know you have your own money and can contribute to the family. I remember when I gave my husband 100k to buy himself what ever he wants when I just got a job, he literally cried. It felt good to know I am financially independent and can contribute to the house while having my personal savings and he respects me for that.
ReplyDeleteSo dear, look at the bright side unless u don’t see a future with him
Some girls share..
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with what your fiance has said.
ReplyDeleteStella my love, here and where you are is not same o, here men demand much from their wives,you expect this woman to worship you do all the house chores,take care of you and the kids, still you want to split running of home expenses? No! it's very unfair.
ReplyDeleteYour boyfriend is doing a quid pro quo relationship with you, at least you know. If you're wise, you'll tell him thank you for the investment and tell him when you will give him returns on his investment and be able to pay the capital back. I say in one year plan to give him back the 50k plus 20% (it's a generous return rate for the time period) and with that 60k know you owe him nothing else in the future.
ReplyDeleteSimple
DeleteLol..
ReplyDeleteI have a very interesting story to tell on this, but maybe some other time, when a similar post would present itself.. no time to type long now..
Stella is very right, but if I'm to advice the brother ehn, if he eventually marries this babe, he should NEVER collect a dime from her when building the house, cos if he does, he would never hear the end of it.. any small altercation,she would go off.. "I have as much right as you in this house, you can't order me around in MY house, I know what I added to the building of this house...." etc etc.. even if na just only one tipper of sharp sand she contribute for the multi millions that was spent... infact this is the reason must real Gs that value Peace of mind never collect ANYTHING from the female gender.. terms and conditions apply tho..
Blessings
If you dont want to spend the rest of your life with him, then dont collect the money it.
ReplyDeleteIf you know you can't see a future with him, please don't take the money.
ReplyDeleteIf you know that you are one of those ladies that believes that a woman is not supposed to contribute to the home, please don't take the money and you shouldn't even be with him either.
I don't think the poster means that she is not going to contribute to the home, but it seems the boyfriend abi fiance is preempting things. Something seems off to me.
DeleteLooks like I scratch ur back, u scratch mine kinda situation. You get to decide if that's what u can live with or not.
ReplyDeleteIt takes two to tango,you cannot be expecting him to support you while you do nothing in return. He had good intention,all you need to do is to clear off those Naija girls entitlement mentality.
ReplyDeleteI don't see where poster said she is not planning to contribute to her future family. Na wa ooo.
DeleteWomen shaaaa
ReplyDeleteThey will have a good thing and still be looking for a way to scatter everything.
What’s wrong with supporting your husband in future as you build a future together for kids and all.
He wants to put it towards building YOUR home. Both he’s and yours. It’s not for him to start business ooooo.
Wow, the irony. All I saw and heard in the statement was his indirect commitment to you. “ we are in this together, supporting each other” was what I heard indirectly.
Please stop being petty, he hasn’t said anything wrong unless you don’t see a future with him and you’re planning to drop him after graduating.
One of my area sisters made a pact with her husband; she uses her salary to fend for the home while his salary is used to build their house( with both names on the papers). They have moved to their home five years after marriage.
ReplyDeleteWe need to stop putting all responsibilities on the man. I agree with Stella. For him to make that statement, he sees you in his future. He is not one of those men that wants to cage a woman by making her fully dependant on him. Learn to see your cup half full instead of half empty dear.
I understand what Stella is saying and also kind of understand your fears.
ReplyDeleteIf I were in your shoes tho, I wouldn’t collect the money from him... giving conditions when you don’t even know how the business is going to turn out isn’t looking bright. What happens if God forbid you guys break up? Would he demand his 50k back?
All I’m saying is it’s better to hustle on your own while single than have a man later tomorrow who would always remind you that if it wasn’t for him or his contribution, you wouldn’t have had this or that.
Low key everyone needs help sometimes, but a man who would say the main reason he’s helping you is for you to take care of the house sometime, I don’t know but that dsnt sounds good to my ears.
It may just be an innocent suggestion from his part though So please talk to him and let him explain more what he meant.
Poster, I don't see anything wrong in what he Said. Unless you don't ever want to settle down with him. Looks like you're just using him to pass time.
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all.He was in directing telling you that he is planing the future with you
ReplyDeleteGudday evryone, @poster, Stella has said all u need 2 hear. Except u dnt love dis guy. Pls accept d money and build ur future wit him. First commenter #smiles
ReplyDeleteYou sound quite selfish....not sorry to be blunt.
ReplyDeleteHe's not allowed to give you money to start a business while hoping you can enjoy it together with you ehn?
Aunty, go and borrow from a bank if you want to emotions or hopes attached. Na only Bank dey do strictly business lending.
Conditional giving issa no no,if he wants to help,he should help because he genuinely wants to and not because he expects you to GIVE BACK in future. It seems like he's the type of person who'd expect you to pay back the money if you both don't end up together.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you
DeleteIf you don't love him, then don't take help from him, but if you love him genuinely then and accept his help. The impression I got from your narrative is that, you are not so sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with him... Think first of what you truly want and go for it.. The Lord be with you
ReplyDeleteIf you don't love him, then don't take help from him, but if you love him genuinely then and accept his help. The impression I got from your narrative is that, you are not so sure you wanna spend the rest of your life with him... Think first of what you truly want and go for it.. The Lord be with you
ReplyDeleteI'm giving you so you'd give me back in future,it's more of an investment than an assistance if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteImagine giving my younger brother money for his final year project and saying that by the time I would be getting married I expect him to make contributions for the wedding, even if I expect him to make contributions(I genuinely don't) the assistance I'm rendering shouldn't be based on what I'd get out of it in future.
I cringed as read your writeup but later loosened up, dear you sound young, don't enter into a man's house with the mentality of its his duty to do this and that, listen dear someone in school in a Nigerian university that you will pay through ur nose to come out with a good result, is ready to give you 50k just like Dat, to support your dream, u should be happy u have a supportive man, many women will like to be in ur shoes, and another thing I want to educate u, is to learn to be calm, don't be quick to get annoyed, the money never enter ur hand sef, u never start the biz, u never start to dey make profit, why then are u reacting like a chemical already, your Bobo have not even started to build the house, wait dear, when u get to the bridge you will know how to cross it, learn how to be calm,when u enter into marriage is this how u will be reacting to inlaws ish, calm down.
ReplyDeleteStella is absolutely right↘️
ReplyDeleteStella got it right 💯.
ReplyDeleteStella God bless you for this answer. Most Naija girls need reorientation. This idea of mans money is everybody's money is deeply engraved in their mental. I earn 6 times what my wife earns and I have supported her in all her career pursuits. I take care of the kids when she or the maid is not available, I cook occasionally do laundry, wash dishes. Yet everything she spends I refund her. And when I say everything I mean it, even if its salt. When I forget to do so she gets angry and throws tantrums. The day I told her we should sit down and plan our monies, it caused big quarrel. It was like I want to poke nose in her income, so I let her be. Now she just writes lists and if she spends over, i still refund her. I cant complain sha. I'm a man. I just pray God continues to keep us strong for them and provide for us.
ReplyDeleteWell said Stella 💯
ReplyDeleteHer concerns are valid. There are some men who push responsibilities ok their women as soon as they see that money is being made. And they will not re rest until the money has finished.
ReplyDeleteMadam just make sure that that house he is talking about, both of your names are on it.
Thank you.
DeletePoster,take it. he sees you in his future.
ReplyDeleteHe's just joking with you dear. But like Stella said, he's looking at a future with you where you would be an empowered woman who would contribute to the running of the family/home. Some women wouldn't not cook stew bcos their husband didn't add seasoning money to what he gave them for the stew itself. He hopes you don't become like that. I know a man that forced his wife to buy two pieces of concrete blocks as her contribution to their first house. He says she must have an input so his family will not say he single handedly built the house in case of any eventuality. It's actually to your advantage. No need to ask him anything before you expose your ignorance, lack of humour and potential capability for animosity.
ReplyDeleteUhmmm!!! Madam poster, if you know you won’t marry him please just don’t accept the money from him because with this your thinking, even if the guy starts behaving somehow to you, the next thing u will be saying is it was because he helped you.
ReplyDeleteAnd from what I’m seeing, you are exactly like someone I know. You can never be grateful and all you want is a man who will always do everything for you and your Type will keep seeking for someone who is financially balanced. No b curse o, you cannot marry this man because last last u will find something to say and end the relationship.
@Anonymous 20:53
ReplyDeletewho you love, who love you, where you love, what you love sef.... please stop thinking like a man and maintain your womanhood biko😂😂😂😁. . When a man don't sow seeds and make reference to his future, na pure. Be there acting like you Sabi us while people like Stella is dishing reality
Kazmor, if what I said up there is thinking like a man, then how come you as a man is not thinking like one and agreeing with Stella?
DeleteBros you don't have to agree with me and it is not by force for me to agree with Stella. I agree with Stella when I agree with her. If you are practicing scratch my back, I scratch your back, nothing goes for nothing kind of relationship, I don't have to.
What kind of cold scratch my back , I scratch your own mentality is the man having on top of 50k?
ReplyDeleteGOD punish poverty
Aunty look closely at whether your principles and attitude to life and money align
My dear I tire o. On top 50k for that matter.
DeletePoster RUN
You said you are students, so marriage is probably not an immediate plan.
ReplyDeleteHe sees you in his future. The type of future that is is what you can try to find out in this your Courtship stage.
You need to know if you want to be in it. You have a choice of the financial dynamics you can work with in a marriage. He also does, if you are not compatible then it is better to know earlier.
You both need to know how you earn, spend, give, save and invest money. What proportion each individual is expected to contribute to the marriage, how it would be contributed.
You don't need to wait till marriage before you have an idea of this.
You can ask directly or / and see from his actions.
This would inform you if you are willing to be in that future he is inviting you to.
If you need immediate answer as regards the money, ask him what he meant, ask with wisdom.
Better to be aware that to go with wrong assumptions.