SLOWING DOWN A MAN'S LOVE DAVANCES...
Please house , i want to ask some questions.
Please house , i want to ask some questions.
I met a guy sometimes last year online, we have been chatting off and on, suddenly he seemed more interested to date me.
I am skeptical and holding back though i like him a lot.
Reason being that he does not have a standard business yet, he hustles but he is a graduate. I want to tell him to slow down on the relationship talk till he finds his feet, abi what do you advice?
He does not know that i am richer than i portray, but you know some guys are gold diggers, i am just being careful. Wetin una advice as i am in my 40's already and him too.
*Hmmmm why dont you wait until you 50 and then say yes to him if you feel lonely and need a partner.... Not every man is a gold digger babe.....
*Hmmmm why dont you wait until you 50 and then say yes to him if you feel lonely and need a partner.... Not every man is a gold digger babe.....
I hope and pray he finds someone that will assist him find his feet...
ReplyDeleteFind his feet kor, find his prick ni. How many women have helped men and ended up dumping dem for someone else,babe dont show him abeg.
DeleteThank you Stella.
DeleteShe sounded like a silly teenager till I read she is over 40.
Oh sweet Stella
DeleteI came for your reply,haha
Poster, there's no harm in trying joo. You never can tell
Be nice to him, encourage him, however HIDE YOUR MONEY! . Infact play very humble so he will naturally shift if he’s a golf digger. Hide ur money Nd give him a chance .
DeletePoster, I am in the same age bracket with you. At this point you should be wise enough to know if you are being used or not, at the same it should not be about how rich a man should be as long as he is able to meet his responsibilities as a man, it should be about companionship more than materials. Personally I am used to being lonely and find companionship a big task but I have not ruled out marriage if its somebody I can be comfortable and free around. I wouldn't be looking for Dangote unless God thinks otherwise. You have cared for yourself up to this point so what more do you need aside love? You are self sufficient as well. Just pray for happiness and for God to protect your comfort.
Delete@Saphire , that was rude and uncalled for. A man who does not have a daily source of income, i was not referring to him being rich .
DeleteI disagree with Stella. Because you are mature in age does not mean you should not have sense and not ask questions. If she had jumped into it now, you same people will tag her as desperate. After having had to wait for so long, poster does not have to enter one chance. We all know that there are a lot of fraudulent people online looking for whom to devour. Poster I like that you are being careful. Pls be observant and prayerful and don't let people age shame you into making the mistake of your life. All the best dear.
DeleteHIDE YOUR MONEY, be nice and also be open for love. Good luck and always use your head.
DeleteI"am richer than I portray" Such statement will blind y'all ladies with such mindsets and will be your undoing. When has relationship get to do with financial status? A man will NEVER say such but when you girls think you have "small money", it gets into your silly head and you come online here spewing rubbish. Did he ask you for money? Does he know you have money? Y'all keep fooling and amusing yourselves, the end shall tell when you get to 50. Lubbish.
DeleteMadam poster, there's no harm in trying. You must not tell him that you're richer than you portray yourself to be.
ReplyDeleteJust, take it slowly and see how it'll turn out.
I wish you luck.
Stella advice get as e be today. Hmmm, be very wary of a man that is more than 40years old, never married, no job or known business and is singing relationship abi na marriage! What would be the union run on? Only love abi na your money e put eye? Abeg, shine ya eyes well well. You might say age is not on your side but my dear those vultures already know you have some coins and aging. Just be very careful!!!
DeleteWalahi, am aa victim of this, 40+ no gud job, biz , nothing, we Don marry na, guy lazy no be here, depends on me for everything yet no appreciation, even got him a car for Uber, he rejected it, goes about tarnishing my name infact so many things
DeleteWhy don't you relax and go with the flow. He didn't tell you that he wants to marry you.
ReplyDeleteDon't over select and end up single and lonely. Give him a chance to show you what he wants from you.
Do what you feel it's in your best interest,but never disclose your financial worth to him until you know he is genuine,it appears you are more interested in shielding your wealth from supposed gold diggers than in settling down🤷🤷
ReplyDeleteShe has valid reasons to be more interested in shielding her wealth. This is Nigeria.
DeleteYes, i am being careful because i have met gold diggers.
DeleteMadam be very careful. I repeat be very careful. How old is the guy again???
DeleteGuy never hustle e won marry. Broke guys that try to take relationship too serious are mostly liars.
Yes, she had better shield that wealth because even her life is at stake because of that wealth. People are ready to kill to get set for life, some are ready to do anything. She had better be careful.
DeleteGuage him well. Listen to his words, read between the lines. You are right to be cautious. A man should be settled before marriage. You may be in your 40s but it will be worse if you go along with him and 5 years down the line you are frustrated and want out of the marriage. Don't let your age be a factor. Side eye to Stella. And if you do marry him, never let him know your true wealth. Money changes people.
ReplyDeleteNot every man is a gold digger. Give him a chance with your heart but with your eyes wide open . Uche gi di ya .
ReplyDeletehahahahahahhahahahahhahahahaah Stella this your advice no be here ooooo
ReplyDelete40s and hasnt found his feet ? sorry to say but wen will he find it.
ReplyDeleteDate him if ur the type of woman dat doesnt mind being the provider in d rltshp/marriage. i am sceptical of men of dat age dat dont have a definite thing they do. At dat age u dont have to be rich but u must have ur shit together.
He hustles , but no definite income. Money comes once in a while. Always talking about ideas but needs money to fund them. I can give him the money if he is really genuine but i am just scared.
DeleteWell poster what you have said still alines with what BnR said about him not having a definite stream of income. Maybe you see something in him, which is okay if you are sure about him. Just be careful.
DeletePlease, I BEG you in the name of God, DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR MONEY!!!! Under no circumstances should you fund a man. Pray for him, support him but do not give him your money. You will set a precedent you will forever regret.
DeleteYou can help him out of the goodness of your heart and not because you intend settling down with him. A man can pretend for 10 years just toget into a womans pant not to talk of money. Pray about it and trust in God
DeleteI guess he heard somewhere that u have money
DeleteChai stella
ReplyDeleteBabes give it a shot now! Don't front him? Does he have prospects? Does he sincerely care about you? You guys should be friends first then let's see how it goes..Dont turm him ehn all the best..
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeletePoster said he is very quickly crossing the friendship stage to the other knowing he is not financially capable. Poster, as someone said above if you don't mind supporting him, paying for your wedding and carrying the home while he finds something definite to do, go ahead. But don't cry wolf later if for some reason things don't work out for him. If you are lucky, things will work out..........
DeleteI will pass on this one
ReplyDeletePoster call me 🤙
You see them, typical Nigerian girls?
ReplyDeleteOh, so you are richer and that makes him a gold digger?
Really, are you kidding me?
And supposing you meet one way richer than you and he says, hi?
You say; Yes, marry me?
Okay, he would then take you to be a diamond digger?
Greed is a spiritual malady and only a soul committed to Christ
and trained through his teachings of disciplining the flesh through
fasting and God's Word that can overcome it.
Walk in the Spirit (Gal. 5:15-20) and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh...
🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️
Boring, somersaulting, self righteous blabber mouth
DeleteIts self righteous women like you that have husbands that are playboys but pretend to be saints at home
DeleteIts self righteous women like you that have husbands that are playboys but pretend to be saints at home
DeleteThis poster, you are everywhere attacking same people that you asked for advice?
DeleteIf you cannot take sound advice, don't bring it here. Kilode?
Abeg no be me reply her o. I am the poster.
DeletePoster conceal your financial strength and put him on check.... As for his financial status, since he is not lazy e go be...
ReplyDeleteI am confused here.
ReplyDeleteSo this guy does not know your worth and yet he is
a gold digger?
So which gold did he see that he is so intent on digging?
Wow! Looks like with all your "gold," you reasoning is still
infantile? 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I work in a good place, live in a choice area and drive a decent car, i travel anytime i want to overseas, so he knows i earn well but does not know to which extent or my investments.
DeleteThis guy knows and my instincts say that you are his mark! From what you've stated up there he knows. You may regret this if you do not protect your assets. Don't give him any money. A man worth his salt should not be stylishly asking you for money to fund his ideas.
Delete@Poster 18:55
DeleteYou are the definition of "pursuit of vanities"
All those things you mentioned there isn't what life is made up of.
If you are not rich toward God, they are all nothing, absolutely nothing.
@21:09, wow. I had to go and read her comment twice to see what exactly is the pursuit of vanities. Living in a good place with a decent car and traveling should be a basic human right. Our govt squandered our funds and destroyed Nigeria is making basics seem like luxuries. It is absolutely normal to dream of and strive for a good life. And did she mention being poor towards God anywhere? Nawa oh. I even applaud her for being hardworking and successful in a country where the economy is against one.
DeleteMy sister, you have done well sharing ur a problem vof this nature. Am proud of u. Please prayerfully follow him. Don't show wat u hv. Open ur heart to embrace love. We all need to be very careful with men of these days. Wisdom is profitable to direct
DeleteAND SUDDENLY HE SEEMED MORE INTERESTED TO DATE ME!!!
ReplyDeleteHe has found out something new about you...thats why he's pushing to get closer. Listen to your instinct. You are not wrong. Pls leave age matter...we've heard enough of ladies who jump in because of age and end up loosing it all for nothing. Please be wise...not desperate.
Have you considered that someone is feeding about your finances. Perhaps your banker?
DeleteGod bless you. She has entered one chance.
DeleteI only saw a "she" gold digger in this your story.
ReplyDelete👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻
Will i dig myself?
Delete@19:25 poster
DeleteYou are looking for a stupendously rich man to dig his gold, aren't you?
That makes you a gold digger. 👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻
That's not what i am looking for. I have never been a gold digger. I want a man who has his acts together just like me. With what God has made me achieve, no man can call me a gold digger.
DeleteGive this guy a chance without letting him know your financial strength please
ReplyDeleteYou can give it a try. If it doesn't work out, you can always take a walk.
ReplyDeleteWhen did asking to get to know a girl you don't even know here true worth
ReplyDeletebecome gold digging?
Maybe I need to read again or can someone please come and bail me out.
Nigerian ladies never cease to amaze me.
You did not talk about character; kindness, faithfulness, self control, patience...
you are only concerned about "gold" (and silver?)
This is how you miss your true (loving) husbands and at 50 like I saw above
you will be jumping up and down looking for even charcoal to dig.
I reject it in Jesus name. Can you wish yourself that? i only asked for advice abeg make una take am easy. I meet rich guys daily but i'm not just interested in them. I would love to build with this guy but i am just scared.
DeletePray, pray and pray some more. But I think he is not for you. Take heed.
DeleteWhat are you rejecting in "Jesus name?"
DeleteIf you know that name you called there, I mean the person of Jesus
as you Lord and Savior, then you should go to him to show you who
this man is and who really is your husband. Do not use the name of Jesus
to justify greed. Read Rev. 21:8 and tell me the first set of people mentioned
there.
Pray to God, the author of marriage to direct you and reveal if he is the right person. Even if God says he is the one, there will still be challenges along the way but its better because you know God is involved and He has all in control. Give your life to Him if you are not horn again,take time out to fast and pray about it and if you are sincere He will answer you.
ReplyDeleteMoney !!! What has he done or said that you see or assume him in that plight?
ReplyDeleteNot every man is a gold digger, wait for the type you want if you aren’t comfortable with him, but don’t lead him on if you aren’t feeling him.
Follow your mind
I am sitting on this table. The difference is he is working but far below my standard. We have not met physically. But chat. He can't even call. I am looking at him with side eye. Someone gave him my number,and he saw my profile pic. He is rushing me too much by calling everyday. Therefore working on my emotion. I guess I am much older than him from his looks on his dp. He has not disclosed his age, but he looks quite young and I am not comfortable with younger guys. I am in my 40s.
ReplyDeleteWorst is he is not on same location with me and not bouyant enough to travel down. (f**kboy tins)I understand this issue of being with someone not within your specs. I can't be desparate to pick just anybody before they will ruin me. Marriage is not for everyone joor.
You said he can't call but chat, then you said he is calling you everyday. Pick a struggle sis.
DeleteMy advice, what you cannot eat, don't touch it at all. Better you tell him to stop now so you can look out for your age mate or spec.
Exactly...Which do we take..he calls u or he doesn't call?
Delete@Amazon baroness, you are quite intelligent.keep it up!!
ReplyDelete@ Amazon
DeleteWelcome 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I believe in Freedom;and money makes you easily see people for who they are..
ReplyDeleteGive him some money and tell him it's a loan you got;you would see his real attitude and know if there is a future between you both(based on how quick he repay plus the character at that period etc)..
Perhaps he hasn't even mentioned marriage yet to you Ma..
I don't know about you;but I would rather lose money and get someone trustworthy later to call a life partner;than have all the money in the world and still not find true love,plus living in the fear of "WHAT IF" every single day..
Yes there are bad people(Gold-diggers) but there are also good men out there..
Yes not everyone will settle down or even fancy marriage;but if you need True Love Ma,you Make sacrifices for it and count it as part of life..
Our problem is that we value money than our emotional sanity..
@MARTINS
Word bro
DeleteMartins God bless you for your comment. You've said it all.
DeleteLovelace..
Martins you are asking her to test him? Okay ooo. But sometimes such things backfire.
DeleteMartins your last statement was apt.
DeleteI am sitting on this table.
ReplyDeleteThe difference is he is working but far below my standard. We have not met physically. But chat. He can't even call. I am looking at him with side eye. Someone gave him my number,and he saw my profile pic. He is rushing me too much by calling everyday. Therefore working on my emotion. I guess I am much older than him from his looks on his dp. He has not disclosed his age, but he looks quite young and I am not comfortable with younger guys. I am in my 40s.
Worst is he is not on same location with me and not bouyant enough to travel down. (f**kboy tins)I understand this issue of being with someone not within your specs. I can't be desparate to pick just anybody before they will ruin me. Marriage is not for everyone joor.
Keep studying him but don't disclose your financial status although its not all men are gold diggers. No harm in being cautious in order to be sure you're on the right track....
ReplyDeletejust be real and be open....
Dear poster just give him a trial and there is no need telling him about your wealth or all that you have.
ReplyDeletema’am no offense but what you are worried about should be the least of your problem.
ReplyDeletehave you gotten to know more about him?
Why at 40 he’s yet to settle down as a man? Does he have kids already? Do you know his family background? Do you know why he’s been going on and off with the chasing? Has he been ghosting you a lot? Have you spent time with him? What’s his belief?
Please start with his character traits and see how you both would fare.
Goodluck.
👍🏽
DeleteListen to your instincts o!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is more to relationship than money. Many women will prefer an average faithful partner to a rich partner who cheats. Why don't you find out the kind of person he is. Remember money is not everything.
ReplyDeleteI want to let you guys know being a gold digger does not necessary mean the guys see the gold. They can sense it. You can know someone is rich or comfortable in many ways, his appearance, gist pattern , car (s) driven,
ReplyDeleteschedule. Take pictures looking clean, healthy flashy jewelries diamond, gold with expensive shoe and bag, with designer outfit. Lives in high brow area. Nobody needs to dig into your account to know you are financially strong.
Do Rita D, Omoni, appear poor.even if you have never met them?
Read within the lines abeg
Your head is there abeg.......
DeleteEsp these yahoo, yahoo, then can sniff you a mile out.
Exactly!
DeletePoster you cannot wait till he finds his feet before you can date him, you can date him while you assist him with vital advice on how he can double his hustles to get something reasonable job doing please do not act like a super woman by showing him you are so rich because that can make him more comfortable and he will relax.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to help him just do that and never attach marriage as a pay back to it so that if tomorrow he decide to walk away you will not be too hurt. Becareful in whatever decision you take.
I won't blame you for shielding your wealth, because some guys can be leeches, but you should give it a try, after all, he won't force the money out of your hand, if you don't want to give him, fine, if you want to give him fine too.
ReplyDeleteBut he might turn it to be better than you imagined, he might end being the cockcroach in your cupboard, My advise, pray about it and ask God to direct your steps, if it's meant to be, it will be, no be every man be gold digger inugo.
Shine your eyes and pray ! He might not be a gold digger after all. You don't have the luxury f time
ReplyDeleteAs long as anyone is alive desperation is forbidden
DeleteYou can still date him without showing your money. I repeat hide your money very well. How are you even sure that he didn't know you were rich before you guys started talking? Date him if you want but be very careful.
ReplyDeleteStella is a savage 😄😄😄
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart..
ReplyDeleteI read an article where the statistics showed that the #1 cause of divorce is financial issues. I remember feeling perplexed because, instinctively, I assumed it would be infidelity. I was reminded of this article recently when I was making a compilation of all the cases I've handled, to celebrate my 20th year at the Nigerian Bar. As I compiled the cases on matrimonial causes, I was hit with the harsh reality that majority of the divorce cases I handled were based on financial hardship or financial instability. The point of this unsolicited history lesson, you may ask? I can authoritatively tell you that in a marriage where the man, the de facto head of the house, can't pull his weight financially, it's already rigged to fail. It takes the grace of God and an incredibly patient woman to make that marriage work.
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, it depends on your mentality when it comes to age. Contrary to popular opinion, I believe the older a lady gets, the more selective she should be. You see, God forbids that a marriage should end but if it must, it should be when you have age on your side to start all over, if you're so inclined.
Secondly, the longer a lady stays unmarried and is used to her independence, the more difficult and challenging it would be to be submissive to a man, especially one who can't take care of her in every sense of the word. Imagine having to run your decisions through some else for "approval" or support, something you've never had to do for over 15 years or so? Imagine having to adapt to your new normal and forsake certain idiosyncrasies that come naturally to you, just to accomodate someone else?
Do you know why a lot of marriages nowadays don't last long enough to celebrate the first anniversary? Wrong expectations, the marriage failed to live up to its hype. Couples rush in only to realise they prefer their single lives. A lot of people marry for the wrong reasons and you may be sitting comfortably on that table if you want to marry this man because of your age. Marry because you love him and he is man enough to hand over your "crown" to. "Fun fact": when a financially stable lady marries down, in most cases, the man's not so nice qualities become magnified and blown out of proportion. Then you hear tales of a marriage breaking up because the husband didn't press the toothpaste tube the right way, true story by the way.
My advice to you is, marry a man whom you respect, not because you want to bear the ubiquitous title of "Mrs". So let's say you marry him and 6 months down the line you realise you've made the biggest mistake of your life. Will you end it or will you thug it out in misery and become a bitter middle aged lady? Do you believe "a bad husband is better than an empty bed" or are you confident enough to remain single till the right man for you turns up? Like I stated earlier, it all depends on your mentality and what you can live with, please give this a serious thought. The wrong partner can literally and figuratively end your life.
e-hugs and kisses.
Thanks dear Ronalda. You said all I wanted to say and way more.
DeleteThank you for your common sense and wisdom. I love how you give advice that is practically meaningful.
DeleteGod bless you Ronalda. I cringed as I saw some BVs age shame her and call her greedy as if she doesn't have valid reasons for concern.
DeleteWaooooooo I read every word I typed today
DeleteRonalda you have just said it all. Poster I want to also add that you should seek Gods face for his direction...
ReplyDeleteVery very important
DeleteGo into serious fasting and ask GID to show you who he really is
And when GOD does so
Believe GOD!
Thank you all for your advice. I will watch him for sometime.
ReplyDeletePlease do.
DeletePoster, I hope u see mine. Don't Don't Don't. Don't even think abt him, at his age, he has nothing,trust me,he wil never have something.
ReplyDeleteI married in my 30ies to same aged manhe had nothing and I did everything. He later became entitled and even got violent on top. He even said I was the cause of his never getting money. He left and is still poorer,he tried preying on desperate women, it worked for a while but most women are now wiser, they also dumped him. Now, after 7years of separation abi my uncteven returned the bride price sef, he wants back. He said h3s learnt his lessons that he will want me to give it another trial. Remember he is still poor, which means another cycle. I am still escaping.
If u want, u can loan him a lil amount to do that his almighty business, such men are usually greedy and will never search for small beginning,they always want and seek deals of supplying nnpc wit oil and gas,lol. Once he fails as usual, u wil know how far ur life will be. Biko, bounce the Leech.
Na wa o. This life no just balance.
Delete