If we want to be sincere and realistic to ourselves, we'll agree that every married couple, at some point in their marriage will experience a time when they quarrel, disagree and end up not talking to each other. But maturity will ensure it doesn't lead to fist fights, fits of rage and hurling cruel words at each other that will be regretted in the end.
The period of this silence may range from hours to days, with one person expecting the other to be the bigger person and apologize. However they choose to resolve their issues, the diffusion of anger and pent up emotions that are let out through verbal communication opens up a channel of closeness and bonding that is not common in the day to day activities of the couple.
There is a conscious effort to do better and not repeat the mistakes that led to a break down in communication.
The make up love making after this period of quarrelling is second to none and i cannot find words to describe it.......Let us just use the phrase 'If you know,you know!''
*Madam Same thing happens with folks just dating.....
And even people who are physically violent to each other experience the sweetness of make up nacking....Dont you read?check Internet and find out that some sick couples deliberately get physically because the make nacking sweets them the most...
Let me come and be going abeg!
I love my fiancé... he’s not petty or childish. No silent treatment whatsoever. His maturity keeps me stunned! We discuss every issue and resolve fights quickly. To think I was with a fool who is trying to force his way back, who was petty and can keep malice for months. It was during his malice periods I found this one and moved on quietly. The other fool thinks he still has a chance and we are still dating. I will send him the zoom recording of our court marriage soon. He will mature by force after. Idiot.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, my husband is just like that. After any form of argument (we've never really had the heated form tho), we settle immediately even without knowing its settled.
DeleteThe next moment we are gisting and acting like nothing happened.
I just hope it will continue like this.
For months????😲
DeletePls Nne stop leading him on ,tell him now before your court wedding with the new guy....
Anyways for me ,marriage is not a child's play,it takes maturity, window,prayer and much more..
Wow Anonymous I am so happy for you..No need to show him your court wedding video..Just move on and forget the radarada
DeleteMaybe it’s because he truly loves you and does not want to lose you. Someone who loves you will not keep malice Eka. The one that doesn’t give a damn and feel so comfortable in the relationship, that you can never leave will behave anyhow.
DeleteAmen to your Prayer Eka. This how it is supposed to be.
DeleteMine is like that too. I can even send a harsh message of "Don't you ever bother calling me again", guy man will still call and I will even pick up sharperly 😂😂😂. The next he will say is baby, let's talk about this... I love it! Lol
Yes anon 12.18 months... the last one was 4 months. One month in I found my guy and was already dating for 3 months before this one started coming back. When he saw I did not reach out as usual. Even then he will reach out once in a month and I will respond with one word. Now he’s sending messages everyday because he knows in his heart he has lost me. I don’t believe people that do silent treatment are not seeing other girls. He either get sense and go and choose one of those girls or prepare for a big heart break. This guy is even over 40. He’s a fool forever. I pity his future wife😂😂😂😂
DeleteAnon 12.18, I will lead him on for years if I can. This is for wasting my time and treating me badly. He will learn his lesson in a very bitter way. The lesson his parents refused to teach him to treat people with respect.
DeleteAs in ehn Jessi, that feeling of knowing you never have to sleep angry.
DeleteMy husband can keep malice for months and not feel bad about it.You try to speak to him or even hug him,wahala.So you just have to leave him until he’s ready to talk to you. He feels he is always right. I can’t begin to explain,how emotionally draining it is. Even on a normal malice free day, you never know if he ll come home, happy or angry. It’s like I m constantly walking on eggshells.
DeleteHe ll blame me for what the security did or driver etc
Yet he ll claim to be the most loving husband ,saying I don’t know what other women go through.
Stella pls why can't we screen shot oo.. I wouldve loved to send this to my husband to read. Even if he upsets me, Im always the one going to him for peace to reign. The reason I married him was because I thought he doesn't take things to heart. Alas! He was faking it. How do u let ur wife go to bed so angry and hurt and I will sleep and even snore on top?
DeleteThen after I settle the ish, he will be bringing all the gists we've missed
Eka Joy it will continue like that please,you will continue to enjoy your marriage dear.
Delete@anon 12:55 it seems like your husband has a toxic personality disorder. do a little research and find out which group he falls into. This way, you will know how to handle him. You could also try telling him how you feel. If he gives tells you that women are suffering in marriages make him understand that not all women suffer and you don't have to suffer too. Make him understand that men suffer in their marriage too. It all boils down to couples that put joint efforts into making their marriage work. Good luck.
DeleteAnonymous @ 12:55. I think our husbands are twins. And you're absolutely right about walking on eggshells and the emotional stress. That's why he doesn't have friends because he gets so rude over the smallest issue.
DeleteThat’s true Stella, I hear and read stories of how couples deliberately fight just to have a mind blowing make up sex. Absurd.
ReplyDeleteThe things people do though...sickening
Yeah some people take it extremely however it doesnt mean you wont still feel good when doing it with someone you have committed to love for the rest of your life...But again make up sex shouldn't be the only tool for making up.
DeleteIs it not on this blog that I read that husband and wife whom were clebr2their child naming ceremony went inside the house briefly, the wife's friend came looking for them, entered the house and saw the sitting room in disarray.
DeleteShe actually thought that they were fighting as in domestic violent not until they came out from the room looking so exhausted from a *section*.
She tried talking to the wife to know what happened I think but the wife smiled and told her that they are perfect which she the friend can see actually and bla Bla Bla.
It later dawned on the friend that this couple gets violent before love making in order to have a mind blowing section. It is like a norm.
Chai I Don write epistle on top of the matter. But it happens just like BDSM
Hahahaha you try for the epistle. Keep it up
DeleteSession.
DeleteThanks Kiks
DeleteAbsolutely true Stella.... My ex once told me why she loves her former guy was how he used to beat her and afterward will shine her plate with a good knack. She went further to say I am too soft for her liking. Can you imagine?
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine Teejay 😁
DeleteHahahahaha..... @Charity thanks for throwing away my drink.
DeleteLmao 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 some people are strange though.
DeleteFor the purpose of makeup sex, you beat someone or even plan to receive beating. Na wa.
Sluttychic.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 @ charity, you're a case...
Delete😊
DeleteYou're welcome
Hahahaha continue being you Teejay
DeleteI dunno anything about sex after a quarrel oh. Make una come gist us.
ReplyDeleteMy husband never gives room for malice
ReplyDeleteIf I like form Jackie chan....you are oyo.
Well I'm the silent treatment type of person and I won't lie I'm quick to temper but I'm praying about it and working on it especially since my husband isn't comfortable when we argue and I don't talk to him for days( yea I will so ignore you to thy kingdom thy come).
DeleteKeep boasting about it, till the day he gets tired
DeleteWhen we keep "malice"we feel so bored that 24hrs is just too much to be alone without interacting.
ReplyDeleteLife is too short to be unnecessarily angry,I don't want to inculcate that in my kids.
My husband doesn’t hear that one o. PhD in malice keeping. He has kept malice with his siblings/friends for years, over nonsense and he doesn’t listen when advised to make peace.My own for 4 months o,because I didn’t keep his shoe in the right position for it,so I don’t take his clothes and shoes serious.i don’t look after them well.He nor dey hear word .I Dey pray my children nor carry that character.
DeleteAnon, your husband kept malice with you for 4 months cos you didn't keep his shoe in the right position? Wow.
DeleteHow are you coping with him? That's emotional torture as it's draining.
If you hit his car mistakenly, means he won't speak to you in years. It's well o.
Can't be with a man and be on my toes always. I don't joke with my carefree nature and peace of mind.
I'm very patient o, but when I hit back, you will regret it.
How can you keep mlice for that long? Amen to your prayer.
Sluttychic
Haaaaaaa. Anon 13:03, God will see through...
DeleteI m anonymous 13.03. I m tired of Crying and praying . It is draining.Before we got married,I had never experienced this kind of malice before,we weren’t raised that way.
DeleteI upset him, I apologize ,he upsets me, I still apologize for peace to reign. I can’t even have a difference of opinion in peace, it will turn to quarrel.Fear won’t allow me touch his car, even my own , I Dey drive am with fear. Is it the verbal abuse ,emotional abuse(silent treatment )?Been married for 16 years, I ve been praying to God to help change him or soften his heart but nothing, so now my own prayer to God is to harden my heart towards his ways.
When you see him and how jovial and charming he is, you won’t believe what I am saying. I really entered.
All his family tell me, is to endure.”We know how he is”
13:03, kudos to you. You are trying, it's not easy I must say.
DeleteDo you have a job/business? If you do, I am sure you can do stuff for yourself and children.
This is what I would do if I was in your shoes.....give him same silent treatment. Stop apologising to him when he offends you, you are not his slave.
When you offend him, apologize and move on. If he won't speak to you, ignore him. If he ignores you for 4 months, yours should be for 8 months.
I don't know how strong willed you are though.
Nobody deserves such emotional abuse please.
Give it back to him full doze.
Focus on being more beautiful and happy.
There are fun games you can play. Do movies,register for online courses.
16 years of marriage is not child's play.
I'm sure he won't even allow you watch TV when he is in his malice mood. Sorry sis, be brave and and happy.
Sluttychic.
Here to read comments.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have heated arguments though so we just settle whatever small issues we have somehow.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was dating my Husband, he suspected I was cheating on him due to the message he saw on my phone. He was angry and refused to talk to me for some days. Omo our make up sex was MAD OOOOOOOOOO.
ReplyDeleteI can imagine 🤣
DeleteMe that is still a virgin is not suppose to be reading things like this...
ReplyDeleteI keep malice and I just can't help myself. I hope not to end up with a malice keeper. It truly pains me if I am not talking to people I love but I can't help it especially when I am not at fault. The thing is I lock up automatically and if you are able to approach me to settle, fine. If you lock up too, it's game on till whenever. Like I said, I have tried. I am still trying but I can't seem to help it. A guy I was with, begged me to stop keeping malice with him because it kills him. I gave him an expo. Anytime I get like that, like mad angry just hug me and even if I snub you, just hold me tight and I might start crying. 🙈🙈🙈 E don finish be that. We were always good for the period.
ReplyDeleteLole and you both,I keep Malice and ignore you at same time but once you touch me or hug me,is like one kind ice just melts from my chest🤣.it's silly I know and I'm really working on it because of my husband,I just hate to make him unhappy since he jumps through hoops to ensure I'm happy.
DeleteAt least if they hug you, you calm down. My own go just strong body, if you hug am.Someone that feels they are hardly ever wrong and will never admit to any wrong doing . Instead they ll tell you -you made me insult you, you made me this or that.
DeleteMy husband has PhD in malice to the extent his office people do ask me how I cope... Lol
ReplyDeleteBut when we are cool he can be sweet.
Marriage is not for the faint hearted abeg. I always like to make peace not because I'm wrong but so I can sleep well. I don't know how to keep grudge.maybe I should learn to thuffen up
I married the personification of malice. Someone that could ignore his 1st fruit @ 2 months old, just because I politely said he should wash his hands before carrying the baby (who has sensitive skin).
ReplyDeleteSoon as the Corona virus showed in Nigeria, I upped and went to my mum's. Let him wallow in his hateful pride. I won't risk my only child's health to pacify an unhygenic egomaniac.
When his mum told him the same thing, there was no quarrel.
If he offends you, instead of apologising even when you cry, he will tell you to put up a brave face for his sake. Fuck him! I did that shit for 2 years & it was 2 years too long. I'm moving on to a better life.
The divorce papers are being drafted already.
Nice move. Nothing is more important than your peace of mind, not marriage, nothing!
DeleteI thank God specially for meeting and marrying a man who doesn't keep malice.
ReplyDeleteIt drains to deal with people who keep malice generally talk more of a life partner
I keep malice only if he keeps malice... I automatically tell myself that, if this person can keep malice, so can I..
ReplyDeleteKeep malice??? Nah, me and hubby don't engage in that no matter the situation. Hubby is so mature biko.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, I had decided to keep 2-3day malice and silent treatment towards my spouse because she habitually denied me of sex. She was always using sex as a weapon or kind of power tussle. we had talked about this but she will still repeat the same thing the next weekend, forgetting and ignoring our agreements and commitments.
ReplyDeleteI hated the malice game, but it seemed like that was the only way she would comply.
Now we are both ok and fine.
My love and I don't keep malice...we sort our issues before we sleep. The first time we had issues at the beginning stage..he called me cos he couldn't sleep, apologised and told me he loved me, we made up immediately. Then one time, we were chatting he said sth he wasn't supposed to say. I was angry but kept quiet. He noticed immediately and when he finally called I didnt know when I started laughing and we made up. But the day I fucked up( I was wrong sha). I begged and begged and begged. He was reading my messages and sometimes he replies but he won't pick calls. Eventually we made up but had to tell him that I dont do that to him and he shouldnt do the same to me...that was that. We rarely quarrel after that and it's been awesome.
ReplyDeleteI do not keep malice but prefer we talk things out. Also we are able to both move on easily after a misunderstanding or arguement.
ReplyDeleteI don't like malice at all..it drains me emotionally
ReplyDelete