Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmm.......

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

PARENTS IN LAW ISH

Hi Stella,

 My heart is heavy as I write this to you,please I'd like some contributions from you and other Bvs.

I got married 2 years ago. While I was getting to know my hubby, I discovered he didn't have a job but he was managing what I would call a family business because his father started it first. 

This business inadvertently takes care of two families, ours and my hubby's parents. We were hopeful a good job would come along. I too was not idle. I am a lawyer, working with a private law firm when I was staying with my parents. When I joined him after wedding I also got a private law firm I work with who was/pays me 30k.since October I haven't been paid because nothing much was happening at the office and I went on a maternity leave from that month (I put to bed in November)


Now before marriage, my hubby was living in a face me I face you one bedroom with shared facilities. I kept on reminding him the need for him to find a better place, he kept saying when he settles with our marriage celebrations he would work towards it. 

Our marriage celebrations was not extravagant infact I had a wedding without a bridal train, fixed my wedding in December (in the heat of the festivities to curtail crowd). I supported and believed in my man,I reminded him that an average Nigerian girl won't even dream of such a wedding with almost everything cut to the last so that he would appreciate my understanding. 

When I joined him in January, I urged him to work towards us leaving there before March. He kept promising but we were there till August. I was already panicking on how I would stay in one room and have my baby and even have my mom come for omugwo there(as we reside in different states).

 MIL suggested we move in with them for the time being pending when we find somewhere better. I quickly grabbed it because it was better than what we had(biggest mistake).

 Since then hubby has refused we will move o, saying the house would eventually devolve to him so no point renting elsewhere as that is a waste of money. I am no longer comfortable as so many issues are arising between I and his parents and I know that to curtail and maintain the cordial relationship between his parents and I,we need to find our own place. 

 I had a great relationship with MIL infact if I hadn't I wouldn't have taken that offer to stay with them. When I had my child was when I started having issues with them, first I started bleeding when I was 40wks,i decided to go to the hospital. MIL registered her displeasure with that saying I should have stayed back as it could be on start of labor. But this pregnancy is my first and since none of my parents in law were medical doctors, I went to the hospital. 

It was after tests and coupled with a history of pregnancy induced high blood pressure, the next day, the doctors scheduled me for induction which eventually led to a C-section because I wasn't dilating quickly. Also, they(parents in law) kept blaming that C-section on baby's weight(my baby weighed 3.8kg at birth) which is not out of place as I am big boned. and that I was not exercising otherwise I would have had "normal delivery" and they wouldn't have wasted money on cs. 

I also contributed 50k as part of what was used to offset my hospital bills out of my savings from my salaries, but hubby conveniently never mentioned it to his parents. They keep on singing to my ears how the bills for the C-section drew them back financially (FIL said that one to my hearing, story for another day).

Also due to the nature of the C-section and taking care of a baby, they complained that I wasn't coming out every morning to greet father in law. Most mornings I am still sleeping because baby kept me awake the whole night,hubby would even have his bathroom in the same room and I wouldn't even know, but whenever I get up I go and greet them, together with so many other issues. I kept reminding hubby of the need to find our own place but he has refused saying unless I will give him the money. 

Recently my mother waded into it and spoke with hubby's uncle as someone hubby listens to on the need to find our own place, hubby refused and flared up,saying that he has no plans to move out as there is no money and made statements such as" if my parents are worried on us living separately, then they should give us the money to rent a place". Imagine!!. 

I know it is all my fault because if I had stood my ground from beginning I won't be in this mess, also I have discovered that before marriage one needs to go for exactly what you want as bringing your standards down and managing doesn't pay off. 

If I had enough money, or with a good job I would rent a place myself. But since October 2019,i haven't been paid up till this June. I am applying for other jobs and hoping something better comes up. 

What do I do? I am no longer happy here because the relationship between I and his parents are strained. Every action I take is misconstrued. In fact I would have travelled down to my parent's base if not for this lock down because I am down and need seriously to clear my head.

Hmmmm this does not sound good at all......

is there a way you can mend the relationship between you and your mother in law?she is probably the one behind your father in laws complaints as well....What i will say is that for peace to reign,fix it and behave how they want you to while you look for money to move....