STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HEART BREAKING LETTER FROM DAUGHTER
Hello Stella,t
Hello Stella,t
I really need your advice as I am in a situation now and I don't know what or how to go about it,ooops sorry I didn't introduce myself but I am a very old bv here and I wouldn't mind you sharing so that I can get the opinion of other bvs,please keep me anonymous.
I have a 12 year old daughter and due to circumstances I have not been able to have another although I am still trying to after 2 miscarriages and her father is not helping matters at all,he doesn't seem to care and he is not always around and even right now he is not around and I am the one being a father and mother to her,God knows I am trying to make her happy and provide all she needs despite the fact that her father doesn't care much and I tried to make ends meet with my little business and gives her the best so she won't miss out.
she knows and see all that is happening as she is a very smart kid and she tries her best to make me happy by helping me out and also doing well academically,now I noticed that since the lockdown she has been cranky,takes longer to finish her chores and always makes me shout,we stay alone and no child of her age in our compound and even on our street as almost everyone of them is in boarding schools...
she plays by herself and loves reading a lot so she rarely has friends except the ones from school and since this lockdown she has been sort of alone and I don't know if I should rule it as teenage anxiety or Lockdown anxiety.
Today I was so sad and and she wrote a letter that got me worried,she is fond of doing that anytime we had a misunderstanding,she writes a lot and the house is full of apology letters,I attached the one she wrote to me today and I am at a crossroad,she really wants a sister or brother and I don't know if I should move on or wait till things will get better between her dad and I as I am in my forties already,we have been married for fifteen years now,you can show the letter to bvs too. Forgive my typos and bvs please what do I do?
I am so broken right now.Thank you all in anticipation of your advices🙏
There is the option of adoption.
ReplyDeleteYes ma. Pls look into adoption. Try to adopt a child closer to her in age. Love and care for the child like your own and the Lord will bless your home for it.
DeleteBut this option (adoption) is not easy too o. Please research well before opting for it.
DeleteAwwwwwnnnn
DeleteThis touched me really deep.
You raised a great kid ma'am, well done
Plz try to make things more fun around the house, get her engaged in things she has interest in like maybe watching YouTube videos on how to become a great writer or anything of her interest.
Bake,cook, try new recipes together etc she can also call her school friends via Skype or Zoom
May God answer your prayers soon.❤️
Stella, Biko post this comment
Adoption, do it and all your worries will dissolve.
DeleteA lot of kids are looking for a loving mother. Visit the motherless
babies home with her and let her see those kids like they are.
You can try IVF or adoption.All the best. It is not easy being an only child.
DeleteCould read glasses broken. I will suggest u hold that girl in ur blossom and DANCE. It’s a form of therapy... Dance do a karaoke, dance to hip hop or anything else pls.
DeleteWhat of sending for someone her age from the village? Adoption here is crazy , it’s almost impossible wen u want it, someone she can grow up with but also helps ard d house like she does.
I always wished for just a child but it seems it’s a lonely path for them.....
Abroadian, shebi na man wey dey around dem go use im sperm take do ivf?
DeleteAdoption it is...She is obviously lonely and desires a playmate
DeleteDon't give her false hope please.
DeleteShe seems mature talk to her about the reality of your situation; your miscarriages, the risk of carrying another child in your 40s.
Let her know you are here for her a team and togegher you both will figure life out.
21:04, you made a lot of sense.
DeleteMaybe you could talk to your husband n adopt a little sister or brother.
ReplyDeleteSee,adoption in Nigeria is not as easy as you people make it seem. I have been waiting to adopt a child for more than 3 years now. Except you have lots of money to bring and expedite things. Poster,if you want a baby it is now or never. You are in your 40's already, no time to waste. Sort out your issues with your husband and if not,you better move on. Which kind of marriage is that sef? Or are you a second wife? That girl is lonely and needs siblings. Alternatively,don't you have a little niece/relative that you can take in and care for as your own( not necessarily adopt) so your child doesn't feel so alone?
DeletePoster, you're struggling to train one.
DeletePlease don't look for another to train from ground up.
There are many children in the villages looking for love and education. Get one about 10 years old or younger.
Also, poster, please don't ever make your child feel it's a chore playing with her.
She seems sensitive very.
Create some hours for her wholeheartedly.
Whenever she comes in, drop your phone and wear a smile and an inviting face.
Create mother daughter activities.
Teach her how to cook, learn some new recipes together, buy ludo, scrabble, movie nights etc.
I forgot to add, now is the best time for sex education. Teach her, then explain to her what miscarriages are too.
DeleteAnon 15:21
DeleteThanks for saying this, people think adoption is easy because its NAIJA' unless you want to go collect person pikin from backyard, but if na legal adoption, e dey take time especially for average working person for this country
You mean I should strain my eyes to read that?
ReplyDeleteNo one forced you, you are so rude uncouth and inconsiderate. Move on for God sake. 😠
DeleteLadybird😂😂😂😂 gbas for gbos
DeleteMadam posh nobody is forcing you to, if you can't see it because of your bad phone or bad eyesight, move on, there are other interesting post
DeleteHana shooter girl!
DeleteNoone begged you to
DeleteThis shooter gyal, Na wah!
DeleteNo!!!! How I wished you did...
DeleteDoesn’t she have cousins that she can visit once in a while ,preferably female cousins? Where are her friends? Can’t she Skype them on ur laptop once in a while? I’m wondering y she is so lonely. That’s very bad . And why are u encouraging her to b writing letters when she can talk to you? Are u sure that’s not how she does to others and it’s not totally killing her self esteem. If it’s so bad why can’t u adopt a baby? You have only one child pls play safe by totally looking out for her and communicating with her not all this rubbish letters. And try to make her connect with her good mates .
ReplyDeleteThis is where you miss it. The fact the child still OPENLY communicates with her mother is commendable. Whatever means she communicates with her doesn't matter ad long as she's honest and sincere.
DeleteWhen children stop expressing themselves to their parents it gives room for all sorts which eventually don't end well.
Madam, try to involve your daughter in your daily plans. Do things together always so that she doesn't feel lonely.
I am not the poster but i doubt you have kids. People express their feelings in different ways and for that girl she prefers to put into words. I do it too with my husband when I’m very angry, and it helps, because, in the process of penning down my feelings, i articulate them better and go into details well without shouting or throwing tantrums. Please, she’s only 12 years, let her be herself and don’t use ‘rubbish’ on a child. And poster, you’ve done a great job with your daughter and I can relate with you. please, try to consider other options like IUI, IVF, Surrogacy (incase the cause of the miscarriage is maternal) and let adoption be the last resort. I wish you all the best
DeleteWho is this one? Do you have children? Must you comment? How dare you use the word 'rubbish' talking about someone else's child?
DeleteLolll Unusual Amy, how old are you.
DeleteThis child sounds yaaaaay wiser than you in every regard.
Unusual Amy it would have been better not to post a comment .
DeleteCos this comment of yours is insensitive and unwise.
Awww, well done for bringing up such a wise & understanding young girl. She will surely grow up to be a beautiful & caring lady.
ReplyDeleteThe lock down is definitely affecting her as she has no friends her age to play with. Like she said, you have your friends and others things to distract you during these times.
I suggest that you talk to her and if you do not mind, you can adopt a child. Equally discuss this with her and you will have her support.
Keep talking with her, she is open and communicates a lot. Parents will be very happy if they have a child that open up to the like this. God bless you and ur loving daughter
Wow. I just feel in love with your daughter.. very understanding and lovely daughter you got😍😍😍.great writer too for her age.
DeleteWhy not think of adoption ma. Pls think about it. If u can afford it. Adopt another girl child that both can grow together. Good luck.
Wallahi this touched me somewhere really deep. This little girl writes almost perfectly for her age which is admirable. Have you ever considered adoption?
ReplyDeleteshe will be fine. try and engage her.
ReplyDeletetalk to her, since she knows what is going on, make her realise it better.
dont leave her on her own, she needs a friend. watch movies together, engage her in talks, politics, friends, Social life, family, economy, Education and all of that. 'like she said o kan ma nwa be lekan ni'. she will be fine. she just needs a friend let her see that friend in you.
Your daughter needs you, be a friend to her. All I see is a very smart and sensitive child who needs a bestie in her mother. Be that to her. She has opened the door wide, this is an opportunity for you, grab it. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteExactly my thoughts.. You need to be that bestie she needs! Forget about your age ma'am ❤, try to have a spare time for friendship with her,Come to her level a bit.
DeleteBeing her bestie is safer than those cousins, nephew, friends etc that you don't even know how they were brought up, world don tough! Therefore, grab the opportunity 🥂 🥂
Yes I understand, it's true but according to her mum explanation the woman too has alot on her mind. She can only do just a little. That child needs someone to keep her busy. A younger child. Please adopt if you must.
Delete@ladybird. Exactly. She need a child like her age to play with.
DeleteTalk to her dad and show him the letter, maybe he can support in the adoption way.
ReplyDeleteAwwww. She’s lonely and going about it the wrong way but it’s understandable since she’s still a child. Though, I honestly don’t like the part where she wrote that she sometimes doesn’t answer you when you ask her a question. Talk to her about that aspect....you’re her mother. She comes across as a good child.
ReplyDeleteAnywho, if you’re able to adopt a girl that’s about the same age as her, speak to her about it and take it from there. Also, ask God for guidance if y’all agree to adopt.
Oooh dear 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteIts well madam, don't lose hope. God is still the God of 11th hr miracle. You will surely give ur daughter a gift that she desire in Jesus name, Amen
ReplyDeleteDont get me wrong, why would she be writing you a letter when you live with her?
ReplyDeleteI think you need to make out time to talk to her...part of it is teenage behavior +lockdown anxiety.
When you say the dad is not helping matters, are guys separated or what?if yes then you need to move on, if no, you need to work things out with him.
You are already in your forties, you have to consider that the chances of having an abnormal baby, not that we are God, God also works in mysterious ways. You got to hurry now if you really want to do this.
Do what you got to do.
Goodluck.
I have a thirteen year old daughter who'll rather write me a letter when something is troubling her. I asked her why she writes instead of coming to me directly. She says she expresses herself better that way without getting nervous. Trust me, I look forward to those letters as they help me understand the things going on in her mind. We always sit down to have a heart to heart whenever I notice a mood swing. So please, expressing herself through writing isn't such a bad thing. It's better than not opening up at all.
DeleteFine Sisi! Exactly. Every child has a way of communicating. We should respect that and nurture it as long as there are no negative repercussions.
DeleteImagine that dunce up there calling them rubbish letters. Mtsheeeew.
Fine Sisi
DeleteExactly !!!
Some peoole are more expressive when they pen down their feelings and thoughts .
I am like that and I've been this way from childhood .
We are diverse people , one method cannot work for us all .
Im surprised someone called this rubbish .
Adoption to the rescue... I couldn't finish the letter...it is not very clear
ReplyDeletePoster, first take your petition to God and do what He leads you to do by his Word.
ReplyDeleteIf you are led by God and can can afford it, discuss IVF or adoption with your husband. Let him know how your daughter feels and show him her letter.
If he is not willing to have more children with you, adopt a girl that would be a sister and friend to your daughter. Please, ask your daughter how she feels about your adopting a child. ❤️
She’s lonely. Get her a phone even if it’s monitored and timed where she can talk to her friends. Children are humans too and can easily feel depression, loneliness and anxiety. Do you limit her access to tv and movies? Don’t you have family friends whose children are the same age? Also do you talk to her harshly and shout unnecessarily because that may affect her confidence and how she relates with others
ReplyDeleteYour daughter is a wise child.
ReplyDeleteTell her you are always ready to talk to her whenever. From what I read your kid is an empath. She’s still a kid nevertheless ....so please do not make her believe she’s wise enough to make decisions herself at her age or that she knows how you are feeling everytime. Let her be a child still. You could buy her toys, dolls if you must. Explain to her why you are unable to have a child for now.
She means well but let her understand that she comes first. I would have said you opt for adoption but it dsnt happen easy just like that.
All the best.
Well I will commend her for being very open however she writing you a letter shows a communication breach..You have to effective communicate with her..I know life can take a toll being a major provider and making sure she doesn't lack however you need to speak with her to understand..How about telling or introducing her to cousins/relatives and be more engaging..Also you have the option of adoption or surrogacy..Correct every mistake or behaviour she makes and don't use the excuse of ''not having a playmate''...Tell her the truth about life and how you may not get all you want in life..All the best..
ReplyDeleteWhat if her strength is writing. She could be a writer in future.
DeleteAnonymous Yeah She will make a good writer of course..But I don't like that she has to resort to writing her mother when you are in the same space..Let there be a conversation and effective communication..
DeleteI feel your pain sis cos I also have only a child although he is just six but he tells me everyday that he want a baby sis/bro or both(twins).
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't feel so lonely when schools are in session cos we get home in the evening,he eats,watch cartoon and sleep. I ensure he goes to see grandparents or cousins during long holidays but the loneliness really got to him during this lock down cos we can't travel.
I'm not financially stable to adopt a child yet but if you have the means you can do so.
I love your daughter already cos she is so considerate for her age.
May God give us wisdom to raise these children.
Dear poster,I can totally relate to what you posted. I am also in my early forties,15 years of marriage and only a 12 years old daughter. The Difference is my husband is very much around and my daughter loves being an only child.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is your daughter is exhibiting an only child behavior. For an only child,it is not abnormal.Dont get worried or sad. Pray about it,get close to her and let her know you're her best friend. Encourage her to be more vocal,that apology letter, is common to most of them. That cranky behavior and making you shout is a way of letting off steam. Since she has no siblings for siblings squabbles,you are the next available person. Just be more patient. If you feel strongly to make up with her dad,pls do. If you feel better moving on,pls do.
Take care of yourself and her, it is God that give children.
It is well madam
ReplyDeleteI'm so touched!
ReplyDeleteShe's a very sensitive child. Please don't let her slip into depression. I know what I'm saying... That thing has no respect for age.
Get her a tablet so she can play games when she's bored and tired of reading. You could adopt a child nearly her age or bring her cousins over. Please do something
God is still giving children and he'll give you more when the time is right. Trust him.
But for now please bring her a playmate. Even in this my adulthood I cry and feel bad about the lockdown since I have no friends around.
Awwwww. This life sha, where me tha t have scolded, and still scolding my own for turning my house to Disney land???
ReplyDeleteSmart child you got and she is also a writer. Come to her level and get a trusted relative if her age bracket that can stay with you for now.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, though the child's letter is not clear but I can understand your pain. I have walked that way.
ReplyDeleteFor the time being can you get a relative of her age group to stay with you? Mine has grown and is now small madam and there is a wide gap between us. Very worrisome. Just as you said I tried to provide everything so she does not miss out and to be in her life but she saw it as wanting to monitor and know everything she does.That I want her to be me. No, just being concerned and protective as an only child.This became a problem. It made me to give her space and she saw it as giving her silent treatment and moved out. she is in her 20s and we hadly communicate. she is now working and wants freedom and to be a woman of her own.
I have accepted my faith though depressed about the lack of mother/daughter bonding. I pray for her safety always.
Please,sit your daughter down and talk. She is still young though. Having another child is not in your power now due to age. Let her mix with other agemates in the neighbourhood. She will be fine.
May God see you through.
You are not taking this girl out enough. She is bored. Enrol her in boarding school. Find your friends who have children her age so they can play. You both can walk up and go jogging in the mornings on weekends or daily if it permits u. Dont let her be depressed cos she is really lonely. Watch TV. Talk strolls together. It is wel . Go out more
ReplyDeleteSuch a smart kid. You said, "her father doesn't care much and I tried to make ends meet with my little business and gives her the best so she won't miss out". I dont understand why u still want another child because of a child fleeting wish. How will u manage when u do not have support. Engage her more, let friends come over,create fun activities, take her along to ur business, keep her busy or she visit her besties. Be her friend, some were raised a single kids and came out best. Engage her, that is what she needs.
ReplyDeleteadoption is not bad just go for one maybe get a boy so that it can blend wella.
ReplyDeleteMadam, don't be hard on yourself! I think you should get closer to your daughter, take her on trips (short picnic trips can suffice) learn to understand her and let her show you her friends. She needs friends too.
ReplyDeleteAs for her wanting a sibling, you should try to settle whatever issues you have with your husband and start trying for a baby. You can also take over the care and nurturing of one of the little ones in your family.
I pray God grant your daughter peace of mind and calmness.
Sending you love and light 🤗💖💖
Poster, I really understand your situation, but I don't know what to advice u. I'd rather you adopt than sleep with another man if you can afford it.
ReplyDeleteMy son is 5 years, the way he demands for a sibling is something else. He counts houses with babies and asks why his own is not forth coming. He asks me if God is sleeping (I said no) and he asks why He has not answered our prayers (I told God I hope you heard him). I could go on and on about his yearnings for siblings. I have faith that soon I will share the testimony. He puts me under pressure more than I put myself
We are still better than those who don't even have at all but God will bless us all in His time.
Be strong sister and I have really come to understand that most time they are so bored being alone that they snap when you call them
You were making sense until your 4th paragraph.
DeleteSome things are not in our control, refuse to be put under control. What about those with no child? Do you know GODs plan ? Ask Him
DeleteYou wish to have another child for a man that doesn't take care of you guys?
ReplyDeletePlease also invent games like playing hide and seek with her, ludo games and cards. Make time to play those child games with her when you are around because they even get tired of tv and phone games
ReplyDeleteI do that alone with mine but problem starts when I say am tired😄
Dear poster,if you want to have a beautiful Relationship with your daughter now is the time to cultivate it before she became teenager/Adult,you owe her the responsibility of understanding and loving her first before she returns,make her your friend,listen to her try and understand her because you are already loosing her,pray for her a d with her,readget moremknowledge/info on these things,good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis brought 😭😭😭😭😭to my eyes,poster pls,settle things with your husband or go for adoption.
ReplyDeleteEhugs to your daughter🤗🤗🤗🤗
Such a beautiful hand writing for a 12year old😘😘😘.
ReplyDeleteBecome error pls
ReplyDeleteYou owe your daughter all the love you can give her now pls,do your best,so when she becomes an Adult she can look back and say my mum did her best,no excuses pls
She writes quite well...if you'd like you can adopt.
ReplyDeleteMany of you blog visitors should come back to reality, the way you people talk about adoption like say person go waka go orphanage home , carry pikin dey go house. Madam if its possible try and get a little girl from the village to come and stay with you. So that she can have a playmate and she cab be a big aunt to the little girl.
ReplyDeleteI rarely comment and i hope u read my message. While considering adoption ve u tot of getting her a pet dog. U will be amazed how much fun a child and dog can ve togther and u can get 1 right away while working on d adoption. Also look within family and try and foster family kids. Get her to watch dr pol on 182 dstv. U ve a lovely young lady pls nurture her right. God bless.
ReplyDeleteThis is a good idea if they love animals, not everyone does. I didn't read the little girl's letter but my reply is based on the advice others have given her. Is she adopting strictly cos her daughter wants a companion or she also wants to. She should search her mind for the reason for the adoption. Besides adoption is not an easy process. At least 2 years her daughter would be a 14 year old by then.... will she still feel the same way? There are lots of well grounded only child. Mom, I would suggest spend more time with her. May God help you��
Delete
ReplyDeleteI don't know why people choose unhappiness as their next of kin in this brief
existence. A lot of kids waiting to be adopted, waiting for love. And this mother
is perambulating and complaining?
As for me, I will keep adopting kids until my house is filled to the brim.
I have my own kids but I can't get enough of them. Count this; 🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️
There are 22 emoji shebi thays what we should count?
Delete@Malley
DeleteYou see as you fail arithmetic gidigba eh?
🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️🤸🏻♀️
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Wait is the emoni two in one or what,i did not fail jor
DeleteMadam, I must commend your daughter writes so well and seems matured for her age... She shows understanding and it's normal for her to feel lonely sometimes...
ReplyDeleteThe letter made me so emotional and I was wishing I have the will power to change situation immediately....
Please , look in to adoption although I know it's a long process in Nigeria but what about you getting your niece around to spend time with you and daughter...
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗 To your darling daughter...
Thank you all so much for your kind words and advices and I really appreciate them all,I am the poster and I am a very good friend to my daughter,we talk and gist a lot and I can beat my chest to say I am her best friend,she can cook quite well,she reads a lot and I buy her books every time I go to the market hence her love to pen down everything,she has an iPad,scrabble ludo,snake and ladder and all sorts of games which we used in bonding together,before the lockdown we do go to her cousins place but she gets tired of them quickly and prefer to read her books or try to write music and all sorts. When it comes to communication we are good and I don't ignore her,she is a very good manager as she manage my small shop well for me if I am not around so it is not as if she is bored or lonely,it is just that she gets in a mood at times asking for a sibling as she loves being around children,we live in a 2 bed so getting a dog for her is out of it but she plays with the neighbours dog and she says she us okay with that,with the online lesson going on now,she talks more with her friends of course with supervision and they get to come over but only the ones living around as we have to keep safe,I don't have any relative in the village no more and I can't afford adoption now,we are trying for a baby again if not for the interstate ban may God help us,please I can't reply you all but I am really thankful for your encouragement and advices,hugs and kisses delivered and accepted❤oops she is always lashing out at me for being on stella's blog all the time😏😏
ReplyDeleteYou can also get her a pet and plan activities like movie night, pamper/pedicure/manicure session with her some days of the week.
DeleteYou have a smart daughter Godbless you both
Poster, God will help you.
ReplyDeletePeople express their self differently,for her to be writing you a later is still a great way of communication. Please me create time for you both,look out for things you both can do together just for the fun like baking,cooking her favourite dishes and joining her in the game or TV series she enjoy watching,the list are endless but lastly,look for any of your relationship her age to stay with you to keep her company.
ReplyDeleteMa, if you have been to doctors and nothing has been found to be the problem ' I suggest you get clearblue ovulation kit. The advanced digital version to monitor your ovulation. It has worked for about 3 of my friends who are ttc. My friend has been married for 7 years no issue, but as soon as she used it, it worked. The ovulation window is very short, once you miss it, you cant get pregnant that cycle. I believe you can get one on amazon for 50 dollars. All hope is not lost. Just try.
ReplyDeleteMadam your present situation brought tears to my eyes sincerely. Please continue taking her out to different places and to also meet her other cousins.
ReplyDeleteMost importantly teach her the way of God, let her know that it's only God almighty that gives a child and with faith and prayer God will surely come to your rescue sooner.
Just believe this madam.
I pray may God answer all your prayers and perfect all your concerns.
I wish i can turn your situation around just now now,oh God😥.
Jesus loves you Madam!
ReplyDeleteHello poster. I love the relationship you have with your daughter. Being an only child is hard. I was one for 15 years. But in my case, I always had cousins & people that lived with us. So I had other people to discuss with and play with. My grandma also lived close by.
The first thing that came to mind was: get her a pet, a dog. It can be one of those small ones. Just something for her take care of. This lockdown is affecting us in many ways that we are not even aware of.
Most of all, my dear, teach her to appreciate what she has. What we want may not always be God’s will and is not within our control. Explain the constraint to her so that she will know that are trying and it is not working. Teach her contentment and help her focus on other aspects of life.