STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HORRIBLE CHILDHOOD
Hi Stella
The Post on couples altercation and settling just brought back some memories. My parents are not the best of friends,courtesy my dad. He can keep malice with friends and family for years unending and each time he recalls every event and words thrown out. He doesn't have this forgiving spirit and he brought this into his home.
I'm the first and only child of my mother. You can say I am my fathers daughter because i'm his copy.
Hi Stella
The Post on couples altercation and settling just brought back some memories. My parents are not the best of friends,courtesy my dad. He can keep malice with friends and family for years unending and each time he recalls every event and words thrown out. He doesn't have this forgiving spirit and he brought this into his home.
I'm the first and only child of my mother. You can say I am my fathers daughter because i'm his copy.
He later went on to pregnant a lady just 2 years after my birth and that one has a son and daughter for him. After 25 yes of marriage,he brought the lady in.
Right from when I was little,my father doesn't talk to me,never seen him having a couple moment with my mom and if she dares talk to people,another set of trouble and malice keeping and rejection of food starts. Before anyone ask,my mom is not promiscuous,she is a calm lady and peace loving and my father can attest to that.
I remember when he sent my mom packing when I was barely 7 and he was telling me ill things about her and how she was so evil. I believed him at first but then he wasn't taking care of me.
So one day my mom came out of the blues and I was excited,she asked if I want to follow her and I said yes.
She washed me up and whisked me away and that was the beginning of my father's hatred for me.
Fast forward to them making up and I and my mom coming back home but he still doesn't like me. Nothing I do gives him Joy. He doesn't pay my fees and if I ever ask for anything,he claims not having. I started ignoring him.
I left my state for NYSC and not for once did he ask after me,still where I am serving and this whole corona thing but he doesn't care.
I vowed not to reach him again because he caused me pains. All the molestations and near rape experience before I was 8 was due to his negligence and still he treats me like I don't exist. I have faced so many traumas all due to my horrible childhood, I can't keep a relationship and can't even identify a genuine love,I'm always doubting men with at least good intentions.
I pray not to end up with a man like him
*Forgive him so that you can find closure.......
He's not hurting you any longer but you're the one hurting yourself.
ReplyDeleteGet over the past and learn to live your life and find happiness within you .
Poster forgive him. Work on ur relationship with people more.
DeleteForgive.
DeleteForgive.
Forgive.
Forgiveness is not for him but for you.
Whatever he might have done or not whilst you were growing up,you just need to forgive him and move on.
Drop the heavy load you're carrying.
I had a very bad experience too with my father and i am still trying to forgive him but i will eventually
ReplyDeleteI will advise you to let go of the hurt and pain.. for your peace of mind and so that you can be free
Reach out to him when you can, you must not be paddies with him, just be cordial when necessary
I wish you the very best in all you do and you will not end up with a man like him.... someone good, nice and caring will find you
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
My dad too! Used to hit slap beat us up at d slightest provocation. We were more like house mates etc soldier wahala . My dear forgive him Nd move on, sorry dear God help you !
DeletePoster, reach out to him. From your alawè buy him thoughtful gifts. That is how it is done.
DeleteMeanwhile, don't pressure yourself about ability to keep a relationship yet. I believe you should be around your mid 20s. Relax, you might need to kiss a few frogs b4 you find prince charming. For now, take time and learn how to be contented and happy.
What Arab Money has said, I agree with... you don’t have to be friends with him, but you can be cordial. Do what you can for him but to the extent that it doesn’t take away your peace of mind.
DeleteEverything you feel is very valid. If you need a break from relating with him sometimes, take it. Don’t let anyone pressure you into ‘forgiveness’ because “he is your father”. Yes you will forgive but you need time to process what you feel.
Also, even when you do forgive, you have to forgive him everyday. Some days you’ll wake up and the pain and anger feels fresh, you have to forgive him that day. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person or you’re holding on to things.
If you believe in God, talk to him about it, he will provide clarity.
You will be fine.
The annoying part is that,these kinds of fathers want a cordial relationship with their kids in future,how will that happen? Just forgive him
DeleteIt's not easy to forgive someone that hurt you real bad if he hasn't asked for forgiveness. Especially if it's someone not supposed to treat u that way for any reason.
ReplyDeletePoster, have u tried to have a heart to heart talk with ur dad and see if u can get him to apologise genuinely so u can heal.
It is easy if you ask God to help you. We should stop having expectations from people. That's what leads to disappointment. What if he refuses to apologise? Have you seen someone who is so clearly wrong, but forms victim and even expects an apology instead of apologising.
DeletePoster, draw near to God. He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair. He will open your eyes to your father's pathetic condition and when you see him for who he really is you will only feel pity for him and not anger or bitterness
All the best.
Eka, so if her dad does not appologise she can't forgive him? He has to ask first? You sound childish.
DeleteSapphire, you are the childish one. Anyone that offends another should apologise whether parents, clergy, spouse, friends.... it is this attitude of giving parents a pass for everything that we have broken youths everywhere who go on to transfer the aggression to their own children. Eka is right. It is not easy to forgive someone who doesnt ask. Even God the merciful still require us to ask for forgiveness....
DeletePoster baby girl!! Your story is a very similar one..But let me tell you how to handle it..Forgive him and I promise you you will never be an inch like him.Do you know forgiveness is a great virtue that stems from being selfish? Yes it is a selfish act yet people don't want to indulge in it..But if you hate him,you will become even worse than him..Thank God you sent this message because tomorrow is father's day..Send a happy father's day message, send him a lil gift e.t.c..Yes he may reject it but leave it with him..He may show tantrums but keep your cool and just smile...Don't involve yourself in your daddy and mummy matter, you are young and you have your life to live..Keep being good and don't change because of how people treat you..All the best..E-hugs
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. Thanks for the reminder. Tomorrow is Father's Day 😊
DeleteLet's reach out to our parents especially our fathers who tend to be always forgotten.
Poster, take this advice as far forgiving your father but please don't bother sending him any gift or contacting him.
DeleteHis rejection will make you hurt afresh and take a longer time forgiving him. Totally let go and FORGET HIM.
Remember to go for therapy with a godly professional counselor.
Mothers, please don't stay with husbands that traumatise your children. Separate for a while because of your children's fragile mental health.
You have said it all.
DeleteTomorrow another man will treat his family bad because they will forgive him. I believe in karma.
DeletePeople continue to do bad things in nigeria because they expect to be forgiven easily... if someone treats you bad, there is no need to subject yourself to their presence. Im not saying sit around thinking bad thoughts and plotting against them. Remove yourself from thier presence and understand that what they did was not your fault. Heal...FORGET them. Remove the power they have over you. Mental health is very important.
DeleteIf and when they can truly change and are not going yo hurt you, then you can be around them
Poster, take this advice as far *as* forgiving your father but..... (typo).
DeleteFemilicious, I totally agree with you.💯%
I forgive easily but I move on when hurt or taken for granted.
I trust easily, love deeply, believe the best of everyone... give the whole nine yards but I don't give cruel people power over my joy and peace.
Poster, your father didn't love and protect you from your vulnerable years to date. People do not change without the power of the Holy Spirit.
STAY AWAY!
I hope i find time to write a chronicle about my father. Almost similar
ReplyDeleteDear men, if you want to enjoy in old age, please treat your wives well, because your children are watching...
I doubt he is your biological father...
ReplyDeleteMost fathers dont joke with their daughters..
Your mom have a question to answer..
I too know. My father was like that and those of many of my friends born in the early 80’s. There are fathers who don’t know how to relate with female children - they are emotionally absent.
DeleteKai! This pigeon knacking woman has not changed o😂
DeleteHmmmn,not true oo my sister. Things do happen,my husband left when I was pregnant and only came to see her after birth. My daughter is his carbon copy, he has never sent a dime, never really broke up properly with me. I tell her that he travelled and not feeling well but that one day he wil come see her, when she asks of him. It's almost 7years now, he has never called or sent a dime. But am grateful for life and hope God punishes him well, I dnt think he's doing well as such. To think I'm a big Daddy's girl.
DeleteNo, I don't think the mom is the problem. The father is probably a narcissist. You don't have to anger a narcissist for him to start acting crazy.
DeleteAnon 16.13 is right. So many fathers cannot relate to their kids in the expected way. Some even believe that the only way to parent is to be authoritative and to deprive love. It has nothing to do with not being the biological parent. How about all the deadbeat dads who are the biological parents but refuse to even make contact after they split up?
DeleteEven when she said she looks exactly like her father?
DeletePoster just give thanks to God you turned out alright after all you went through. Of course everybody will say forgive, just take it one day at a time for your own peace of mind. Thank God you had the love of a mother.
Pls queen,this isnt true.my relatives father stopped speaking to her because she left with her mom,when they got divorced .
Delete16:34, you are so right. My husband is like this .His behaviour is mind boggling and unbelievable. Pure narcissist.
DeleteOversabi. Na your type think say every mother loves her child. When people tell their stories it is from their experience and might not be believable. Not all parents love their children
DeleteForgive him for your own sanity. Nothing is as sweet as one's peace of mind my dear.
ReplyDeleteJust as SDK has said, forgive him and find closure.
ReplyDeleteThe day I decided to forgive and let go of all the horrible things I experienced in the hands of my dad, was the day I started having peace.
One step at a time.
It's not an easy step. Try it. Gradually, before you realise it. You'd be free of all the hurt you're experiencing now,you get the love of your father back along with many things you've lost before now.
Today, my dad and I are now best buddies.
Yes, it affected my interpersonal life. I am currently working on myself and with my relationship with others.
Poster why don't you have a heart to heart chat with your father and open up to him about how you feel in the way he is treating you.
ReplyDeleteFind out what you did wrong apart from you left him and moved in with your mum. Since both of them are back together what is your offence?
Apologize to him, forgive him and find closure.
My dear forgive your father, you can buy him things and wish him well but you will need to ask God to heal your heart and teach you to protect your heart from further hurts from your father ok. The truth is that there are demons of hatred, malice living right inside your father, they are the ones fighting and attacking you. Don't forget the three fold ministry of the devil which is to steal to kill and to destroy. Always remember that if he genuinely repents and is delivered, you will see a change in his behavior. So ask God to heal your heart because only him can help you heal inside of you. Lastly start guarding your heart against his toxicity, show him love from afar, separate yourself from him, guard your heart jealously because out of it flows the issues of life. If you don't guard your heart against the onslaught of the demons living in your father, they will mess you up and eventually migrate and start staying inside of you to eventually destroy you. Lastly pray for your father, ask God to deliver you.
ReplyDeleteI think I’m beginning to understand that at times even your mom or dad or sister or brother may not like you. No matter what you do or didnt do, they’d still not like you. I still do understand why that happens.
ReplyDeleteIt’s okay to forgive what ever they might have caused tho, so you can have peace.
What is not ok is you allowing what they have caused to control your emotions. I won’t lie I havnt experienced this before but if you were a close friend I’d say take your time still. You don’t have to buy his closeness. You don’t have to warm your way to his heart cause you did absolutely nothing wrong to him...if you can have a discussion with him one of these days please do. Just take care of your mind so you don’t end up nursing evil thoughts continuously towards other men....that one would be on you babe, not your dad this time.
Blame your mum for subjecting you to such pain. She should have taken you to where you would have a healthy upbringing. Women need to know this.
ReplyDeleteJust forgive him from afar and live your life. I hope you were not adopted. Sone men can’t love an adopted children
ReplyDeleteI had issues with my dad too...I was the most flogged and he disrespected me in front of my siblings, relatives and others. People used to wonder if I was the maid. But he paid my fees, he will give 5k for the whole semester to manage and give my other sibs more. When I was looking for a job after graduation, he sent money to the others but never to me. I hated him for years and never hid it..insulted him so many times. I told myself I will never be like him or marry anyone from his place.
ReplyDeleteNow he is ill, I'm finally his daughter ...I have forgiven but I will never be friends with him even tho he wants us to be not having it. I'm just doing my duty providing when I can. The only downside is that if they don't call to ask I will not send. I have sent credit and money many times and both parents will send thank you text only na so I lock up. I call directly to check on them.
My point is do your duty as a daughter, if not for him for God. Forgive him and let him go...the scars will not only heal but you will never be like him when it comes to your children...trust me.
Forgive him and let go off the burden in your heart.. I pray you find peace and happiness 🙏🙏
ReplyDeleteForgive darling, unforgivingness is a burden too heavy to carry.But remember wisdom is profitable to direct.
ReplyDeleteForgive darling, unforgivingness is a burden too heavy to carry.But remember wisdom is profitable to direct.
ReplyDeleteYou have to let go. He's your father and you have to see this attitude of his as normal if not you will continue to get hurt. Is there something to forgive? No because he wont change, so just move on with your life and write a new page.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm poster most parents always make mistakes that come back to haunt them later in life. My late mother was like that she so much loved our second to the last born. If you offend my mum or do something in the house my mother will call my junior sister and tell her all that is happening in the house. Everyone knows even family and friends and relatives knew that my mother loved this my sister too much it was affecting us but we didn't say anything. If you are having a conversation with my mother she will mention my sister many times! She was so obsessed with my sister,she never correct her when she does bad things or disrespect us. When she does bad things my mother will support her back her up. Even our neighbours ask us if truly she is our mother or stepmother we just smile and say we are used to it. But when our mother was sick my sister couldn't bring herself down to take care of her mother, she refused to come and stay in the hospital even to visit was a problem na so so phone call to be telling us what to do and what not to do. I donated my blood on my ocassions when it was needed,I bathed my mother,washed her clothes, cleaned her poop, fed her for more than 3 years till she died. Where was her beloved daughter? In her husband's house forming madam. While our mother was in mortuary she travelled out without telling anyone making us wait for her so as to bury our mother she came a day before the burial. So you see the daughter my mother loved so much couldn't even go the extra mile for her mother. So my dear my mother is dead and gone I did all I could as a daughter for her despite the lack of love from her. Do the same with your father and God will bless you! Forgive and move on. If I didn't forgive my mother I wouldn't be able to do all that I did for her. My family respect me till today for what I did for my mother. Love covers a multitude of sins!
ReplyDeleteSometimes we have to forgive people without getting an apology from them. I forgave my dad eventhough till tomorrow he's not sorry for all he has done and still doing. I forgave him for my peace of mind. I forgave him so that my prayers won't be hindered when I pray to God. I forgave him because this life is too short. I can die tomorrow and I don't want to go to hell because of unforgiveness.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I know it's hard.. But please forgive him
I read a book titled GOD WANTS YOU WHOLE in the mid 90s. There was this guy in the UK that was always sick, doctors couldn't diagnose what was wrong with him. One of his doctors recommended a group of Christian counsellors, he went to see them. He told the counsellors his father raped him in his early teens and they pleaded with him to go forgive his father and he did. Years of sickness ended without drugs/ surgery. Guys learn to forgive those who hurt you in the journey of life, it won't take anything away from you. Stop destroying your lives with the unnecessary burden you carry around. For some , telling them " I AM SORRY" when you offend/hurt then is no longer enough, they want to be your life long enemy .
ReplyDeleteAlexander
Poster forgive you dad and pray to God to send you a good man,then do your part by staying away from man just like your father.God will guilde you.
ReplyDeleteStella where u my comment???
ReplyDeleteI have a friend that never forgave his father for abandoning them for another woman, he so much hated his dad, to an extent it affected him from having his own home, he has two kids from two different women, he can't have a stable home.
ReplyDeleteForgive him and let go. For your sake and not his. If you don't, it will keep festering in your heart. Your prayers will be hindered cos you need to forgive him for your sins to be forgiven. You don't have to have a relationship with him. Just forgive and let him go and let him be. At least, without his care, you have thrived and survived till this point.
ReplyDelete