Hmmmmmmm.........
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DISCUSSING FINANCE WHEN MARRIAGE SETS IN....
I am an independent lady, I work, I take care of my bills but I don't want to marry a stingy man. My relationship is a year and 6 months and we are already talking about marriage.
I am an independent lady, I work, I take care of my bills but I don't want to marry a stingy man. My relationship is a year and 6 months and we are already talking about marriage.
It is hard to figure out if my fiance is stingy or not because we are not in the same town although on special days like birthdays, val, he do send cakes and gift( I sent cake and gift on his birthday too), when he gets paid he sends airtime occasionally and sometimes pay for my subscription, once or twice he has sent funds(10k) just for support. Like is this enough or he is suppose to do more.
His take home is between 100-120k monthly.
Aside from money talk he is a good listener, intelligent,humble and almost perfect.
Secondly we have been having talks on how to handle finance when we get married. I don't want to make mistakes and I also don't want to start what I can't finish(I have heard gist from my married friends of how sometimes they try to be supportive but then their husband stylishly turn it to their responsibility)what are the expenses meant for a man when it comes to a home and what expenses are meant for a lady.
Secondly we have been having talks on how to handle finance when we get married. I don't want to make mistakes and I also don't want to start what I can't finish(I have heard gist from my married friends of how sometimes they try to be supportive but then their husband stylishly turn it to their responsibility)what are the expenses meant for a man when it comes to a home and what expenses are meant for a lady.
Is it advisable to keep an account together like having a separate account where u both save aside from your personal savings? Is a lady meant to support her man in paying rent especially in an environment where rents are high or he should figure it out.
You people always make this mistake...What works for one couple does not work for the other.......
Every couple must cut their coat according to their material...Only you two can sit down and decide how it will be financially with your union...OK?
Dear poster, there is no one manual to a successful relationship and marriage. Money management is also important in marriage. Let God guide you. Also pay attention to your instincts.
ReplyDelete@Chinedum
DeleteThere is "one manual," it is called the Bible. God instituted marriage and revealed how it should be done.
Study it.
You haven't married this guy yet,but your "married" friends are already advising you on how to handle a marriage you're yet to enter.
DeleteSee,if there is love and understanding, supporting your spouse shouldn't be a problem.
Inasmuch as you will love to support him,keep some support for yourself in case of any eventualities.
That man giving you 10k out of his salary, that man dey try,because he has to pay rent, feed,transport or fuel his car,send some money to his parents and all that and still save.
Always remember that miss independent doesn't work well with marriage,just know what works best for you and stick to it.
Please don't judge your soon to be spouse by other people's measurements.
Selah.
Just like Stella said what works for A might not work for B. But if what you wrote up there is true, I don't think your man is stingy.
DeleteStop listening to advise from friends, listen to their experience, have your own mind above all pray seriously about everything and every step. Marriage is sweet when you marry your best friend. My two cents for every single person out there.
Good advice. You've said it all
DeleteIn my 14yrs of marriage, hubby has been responsible for all upkeeps. Every penny that enters his account i no of. We are open about our finances. We dont hide nothing from each other. When i spend my money on house stuff, he pays me back if he's aware. By hubby is not stingy at all,his atm cards are usually in 2's and i have one with the pin. So good luck to you.
DeletePoster, a separate joint account works all the time where you both agree on how much to contribute monthly. You can decide on 70% of each spouse's salary. It will not be equal in value because you both don't earn same. That account need not be for trivial expenses like food and monthly bills. The spouse with the higher income can handle nepa bills, fuel for gen, DSTV and paying your domestic help while the other buys food and toiletries.
DeleteThe money in the joint account will be for major bills like rent and investment.
Please let me beg you, if your man hasn't given you a reason not to trust and be open with him, don't import your friends experiences into your marriage. Men are NOT the same. Some are responsible and trustworthy. And also please drop the entitlement most women go into marriage with. Don't expect the man to cater for all your needs. Make sure you contribute towards it according to your earnings. That is how you hold your respect. Be a builder. Bring good investment ideas and be hard working too no matter how rich he is. Yours is an up coming young man and the occasional 10k he sends you and cakes is very thoughtful. A good listener you said? Be his sister, his friend. Be good till he gives you a reason to be otherwise. The day he gives you that reason, don't hesitate, clear his doubt!
15:10 Excellent response!👌
DeleteBrown Sucre, right on point!
Poster, combine those two comments and you both should hide nothing from each other as advised by 16:31.
I daresay your fiancé's salary is small and he is doing well by you.
I wonder if you two should wait for his earnings to improve before you get hooked though you didn't say if you earn more.
You are meant to 'support' your husband while he provides. Define the extent of that support from the outset.
Joint account is good on AGREED percentage with an account mandate of BOTH MUST SIGN (to withdraw funds) - for housekeeping and or project financing.
Each should still maintain personal savings just like when your parents used give each child monthly stipend.
Have a small wedding and few children you can care for in every good way.
Whatever you decide, be sure love/respect is mutual and LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS.✔️
Poster you are here worrying needlessly over a prudent man who has been faithful with his little paycheck.
DeleteI persistently turned down my bf who makes tons of money but squanders as much. His broke periods don't last long, though. He works hard but spends harder! He's just favoured to keep making money often. You can't plan with him.Tiring habit. 🤦♀️😥
SDK I think you have posted this before
DeleteHe earns between 100-120k, your man is managing what he has by cutting his cloth according to his material
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeleteThis guy is trying, his salary is not that much but he gives you 10k monthly.
DeleteAs simple as this .
DeletePoster, I dont see anything wrong with your man. He his obviously not in the league of the Dangotes, Otedollars, or Adenugas. So leave those ur friends out of ur relationship, stop seeking advice here and there and make up ur mind about building a home with ur man. In marriage, there is sharing. U may not be able to decide the boundaries between ur money and his money when love abounds without selfishness from either side. Go into marriage with a positive mindset and don't allow people show u only the thorns and not the roses
DeleteU have spoken well Stella
ReplyDeleteTo the married ones.
ReplyDeleteLet me sit and read comments .
I really don’t understand how money Matter in marriages Work even in my 18years in marriage, but I have learnt that no matter what you do with your spouse whether he is stingy or not always save even if it’s 5k a month. There is also no crime in helping out even if it’s looks like the man throws it as a responsibility to you, aren’t you one? My friends rebuked me for having a joint account with my husband and my family laughs at me for sharing all my inheritance with my husband and sometimes I ask myself how stupid can I be or have been in the past but it’s easily forgotten when my husband does an exceptional thing regarding the home,so sometimes it really isn’t bad helping out when you can or it becoming a responsibility. Just love and do whatever makes you be at peace or happy in the home after all it’s the woman that builds a home.
DeletePoster, while you're discussing how to support each other in marriage, please don't forget to put into consideration the time that you won't be working due to pregnancy/childbearing and the time you will be raising the children.
ReplyDeleteHe should play his role as the husband of the house, even if you want to assist, it must not become your responsibility.
You must also allow him play his role and not try to overshadow him with your ms. Independent mentality.
Don't forget to always have some money reserved for some unforseen circumstances.
Some valid points also 👌
DeleteSpot on 👌👌
DeleteWhen it comes to marriage/relationship, just do you.
ReplyDeleteTheres nothing wrong assisting your husband when he needs it. That's what family is all about, doing things together. It's not all a man's duty to cater for the home. Do the bit you can.
Sluttychic.
Please discuss the financial flow with your man. From there you can deduct your next action.
ReplyDeleteIt is so refreshing to read that a lady on this blog is "discussing issues like finance" in preparation for marriage. 😊😊kudos.
ReplyDeleteNow, from what you've described there, this man is a "purposeful man".
"The two becoming one," as God intended marriage to be, for companionship entails being one even in finances, investments, responsibilities.
Foremost, looking at what you folks earn, do not "paint the town red" or borrow to wed. It is just one day. Do not go and spend a fortune to buy a flowing gown you will wear and discard after just a day.
This guy is probably preparing for your wedding, prepare for your marriage. Do not look at your "married friend" and attempt to pattern your marriage after theirs.
Look unto Jesus and pattern your marriage after this heavenly bridegroom and the church. To do so,
go to his teaching; in the New Testament.
Have a beautiful marriage, nne. 😊😊😊
👌👌👌👌👌
DeleteNice💯
DeleteIt's truly so refreshing. I'm tired of reading chronicles on cheating or violent partners
Delete👌👌👌
Deletewell written 👏 👌
Delete👌👌👌👌
DeleteWell, I'm not married yet but one thing I understand as a lawyer is to always spell things out in black and white. No assumptions.
ReplyDeleteSay it out, speak your mind, sit down and talk.
Take about everything down to Maggi and salt. Make sure you come to an agreement before anything else, after all marriage is a partnership.
Anyway, I might be wrong as a single lady so married people over to you.
Good luck poster.
👍 no assumption
DeleteBabe 10% of a man's income is alot to give soneone. Man pays rent every other bill u guys discuss and contribute. U get respect when u contribute oh!. Always have savings and ensure he has savings too.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, just like Stella said, it is two people thing, you may decide to open family account, where some percentage of each salary will be paid in, and u slove ur problem from there, but of course you still have your personal account. And too it depends on his family demands, if he has large family demands he won't be able to do more for you for now, until family sets in, so I don't think you will judge him based on that, am sure if he is sting of course you will know. Marriage is not made in heaven, if you think he is a good man, that you can manage pls go ahead. Wish you luck.
ReplyDeleteAbove all choose values that can not change. This guy to me is a good catch. You cant buy piece of mind in the market. If u claim he is a good listener. Buy marriage books read and discuss. Dont let pple spoil your mind
ReplyDeleteWe've treated this chronicle before o .. Or not?
ReplyDeleteI think so too or maybe the poster have posted on SP before
DeleteDoes this man know how much you earn, seeing that you know his?
ReplyDeleteIf he does not know how much you earn, aren't you the stingy and secretive one?
He has sent you monies for support. Have you ever sent money to him, if not, why not?
Are you one of the entitlement chicks we read here every now and then?🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
A woman should offer money to a man she has not married. She can support, buy things but not give him. Money. This is one of the things I have learnt from.the chronicles on this page .
DeleteHowever, no your man, not all men can handle joint account. Your best bet is to have a family account where you all contribute to. And keep some percent to yourself.
Money is a big deal in marriage. So think carefully.
@Lady T
DeleteYou see your double hypocritical standards.
A woman will receive monies from multiple men she isn't married to
but can't give?
Are you kidding me?
Please discard that cloak of hypocrisy. If you can't give, don't receive.
🔔🔔🔔🔔
15:48 women are natural receivers while men are givers. 😀
DeleteSeriously, that's true.
Give a woman anything, good or bad, she multiplies it and gives you back.
Women are meant to only support.
If a man cannot take care of his family, he should not marry yet.
Lady T is 💯% correct. Men feel emasculated when women give them money or take up their natural roles. Such men go 'hunting' for women who need their provisions, protection and virility.
Women don't give your man money or take up his responsibilities/role. That's will be the genesis of your problem unto its revelation!!! 👂👂
@18:32
DeleteSo which Scriptures are you quoting?
If the proof of your virility is to give to a woman, then
tell us which specie you belong to because it is not the human race.
What Stella said is truth! What worked for A won't work for B! So sit him down and discuss what will work for you both instead of copying from your married friends! There's no manual to it,you both should join hands and do it your own way that pleases you both!
ReplyDeleteAll the best
👌👌👌👍
Delete👍👍
DeleteHe's not stingy but prudent with his earnings...
ReplyDeleteYou both need to be open with each other and discuss how you will manage your finances in marriage...
If you have some family relations like aged parents and siblings that you both might be helping out here and there and the amount should be discussed...
Also, the joint account and the amount to save each month....
You just have to talk about it but don't use others as yardstick...
Poster you no get wahala at all..If it is true what you listed above then the man is go to go..Don't allow people to fan fears into your growing embers...You guys should seat down and discuss well with no holds barred about your finances cause I learnt it is the leading cause of divorce..Just do what works for you, be yourselves, sincere and honest about anything..I perceive your husband is free but you are trying to diplomatic about your finances because of what the married people said..All the best..Be wise as a serpent but gentle as a dove..
ReplyDeleteI feel like i have seen this post before..
ReplyDeleteConsidering his take home, i hope you are aware that you are going to also be a provider and share bills too..so yes, you are going to support in every way you can.
Y'all can have joint account (for bills) as well as seperate accounts. As long as you both are frugal and keep each other abreast of how money is spent, you will be alright.
Stella has said it all.
ReplyDeleteMarriage isn't for nigerians cause we don't really understand the concept of marriage.
ReplyDeletePoster, money issues can ruin a marriage.Like Stella advised,both of you should sit down and discuss it and find what works for you but you see that joint account issa scam,don't fall for it.Depending on what you earn, you can split the bills 60:40 or 70:30,whatever ratio suits you. Just bear in mind that circumstances can happen,what if he loses his job..God forbid but what if it happens, you will become the breadwinner. So just talk about it and let God guide you.
ReplyDeleteI was doing love and picking most of the bills,that's how my husband relaxed.I pay for virtually everything until I received sense after 8 years. Please don't be like me,be wise because as long as you do it,the man won't complain.
You haven't married this guy yet,but your "married" friends are already advising you on how to handle a marriage you're yet to enter.
ReplyDeleteSee,if there is love and understanding, supporting your spouse shouldn't be a problem.
Inasmuch as you will love to support him,keep some support for yourself in case of any eventualities.
That man giving you 10k out of his salary, that man dey try,because he has to pay rent, feed,transport or fuel his car,send some money to his parents and all that and still save.
Always remember that miss independent doesn't work well with marriage,just know what works best for you and stick to it.
Please don't judge your soon to be spouse by other people's measurements.
Selah.
You know your man and his take home , just discuss all these with him and be very open with him about your fears but please whatever you do 😏don't start what you can't finish oooo
ReplyDeleteMadam poster,just do what makes you happy doing in your home.somthing u do willingly without been forced or stressed..Also pray for God's wisdom stay bless
ReplyDeleteI've read this before
ReplyDeleteI cant be earning 100-120k a month and give any woman that is not my mother or sister 10k from it, God forbid bad thing. When will men of this generation ever have sense tho? Like when? You are not buoyant enough but constantly put yourselves in positions that the other party will most definately never appreciate. If the poster appreciated anything her man has ever done got her she will never come here with this sorry ass story, asking dumb ass questions. Everyone needs to take care of themself by themself, nobody is anybodys slave
ReplyDeleteStingy koko
DeleteOil they your head.too many sisi men out there.i call them simp men.no wonder ladies have this entitlement mentality.woe be any man that is suffering and struggling and he is giving any lady aside his mum or sisters upkeep! Better give your fellow man.enough of this rubbish from men!haba!
DeleteSame on that post that simp guy was supporting the lady that jilted a guy.men should use eisdom
Francis and 16:34 poster didn't say it was a monthly 10k upkeep he sent her!
DeleteHowever, if you can't spend a measly 10k in a serious relationship, you won't be able to take care of your wife and family.
I bet you both like good-looking, well-dressed ladies not the shabby ones with scaly skin and dishelved hair. 🤣🤣🤣
Very true
ReplyDeleteI am almost six years in marriage and we haven't yet figured it all. However these are the tips that are working for us.
ReplyDelete1. Transparency and honesty from both sides as to what comes in.
2. We have made it a priority to always pay our tithes
3. Then we budget
4. We try as much as possible to stick to that budget for our monthly expenses.
5. No spending above our income. No borrowing. Rather we strive to put something away and spend below what we earn.
6. We regularly review to see where we went wrong and what we could have done better. We are able to review because we track our expenses. We know where every Kobo goes. My hubby actually created an excel sheet that we have on our shared folder on Dropbox.
7. We are also investing in our continuous education so that we can increase our earning capacity (I am currently running a doctorate program and hubby is also seeking some needed certificates).
8. A shared value system will be of help when conflicts arise.
Now when children come, there would be financial strains. Tempers may likely flare. Keep on communicating. Keep on re-strategising. Most times the answers are always there. You just have to be calm and open minded to see it.
What more can I say? There is no one manual answers all in marriage. I sincerely wish you success. Marriage can be a beautiful thing when the hearts of parties are right. May your union be a success. May light from above illuminate your hearts and give you knowledge, wisdom and understanding from God. Amen.
You have spoken well. God bless you both.
DeleteThe poster has a valid concern. It's important that you know if your fiance is someone who believes that the man should be primarily responsible for the household or if he believes in 50/50 or if he believes in not spending his money. A lot of women have entered one chance because they didn't speak up or failed to ignore warning signs. So have the discussion with him and make sure you are in agreement. If he's a 50/50 man but you believe he should be primarily responsible while you are to support, then you either adjust your reasoning or determine that he's not the one for you. Be honest with yourself. Marriage is forever.
ReplyDeleteAlso, your observation of his character would determine if you should be open about exactly how much you earn. Some men's insecurities begin to display once they are aware their significant other earns more. The dramas that have resulted because of this has destroyed a lot of marriages. Some women have had to end their careers or settle for less just because they want to make their partners happy.
I also advise that while it's ok to have a joint account for household matters, it's extremely important you have your own personal account for your own savings. We hope for the best but we also have to prepare for the worst because humans are unpredictable. You need money to be able to support your parents without having to take permission. Personally, I'm not comfortable with a man having a 100% say on how to spend money I earned.
BTW, I'm single so feel free to ignore my advice. The married women may have more insight. I'm also reading the comments to learn.
Your comment is 💯 right... You said it without any sentiment or emotions👌🏽👌🏽
DeleteYou be single woman weh get sense and weh know wetin dey.
You haven't married this guy yet,but your "married" friends are already advising you on how to handle a marriage you're yet to enter.
ReplyDeleteSee,if there is love and understanding, supporting your spouse shouldn't be a problem.
Inasmuch as you will love to support him,keep some support for yourself in case of any eventualities.
That man giving you 10k out of his salary, that man dey try,because he has to pay rent, feed,transport or fuel his car,send some money to his parents and all that and still save.
Always remember that miss independent doesn't work well with marriage,just know what works best for you and stick to it.
Please don't judge your soon to be spouse by other people's measurements.
Selah.
What is good for the goose may not be good for the gander..... Abi how den take talk am sef.
ReplyDeleteWith that 100-150k take home he is obviously cutting his coat according to his material.
ReplyDeleteYou discus with him find out from him the financial responsibility he feels his wife should contribute to their home, he should tell you how he feels a couple should share money responsibilities,who saves more, that way you know his opinion, you tell him yours too, then you both can agree on what will work for you both.
Bear in mind some humans lie a lot. What he agrees to presently,he might turn out to change his mind later,but God forbid.
This thing called marriage is not easy sha
This man is great and you may not deserve him, if I go by what you have written. He send recharge cards to you, he has sent about N10,000 twice and he ensures your birthdays are celebrated. What else would you have expected from him, a house? If he can pay you N10,000 from N100,000 then he is a giver.
ReplyDeleteWhat works for A may not work for B. So be urself! Help out financially when the need be. If there's no maggi at home and he's not around don't wait for him to come before you buy if you have the money. If your child falls sick and you can afford the treatment, do not hesitate to do so especially when he's not there.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is an everyday manual you get to study it as it page is opened. Good luck
Yes it has been posted before.
ReplyDeleteMelancholy
Poster the wisdom will come when you enter the marriage,calm down and get married first.
ReplyDelete10k twice in 18months? Why is the thing not sounding well in my ears. Abi I'm greedy?
ReplyDeleteHave a discussion on how finances will be handled. It will help you both a lot. In all pray because what works in other marriages may not work for you.
ReplyDeleteKokolet, yes you are greedy o! 😂
DeleteHis salary is so small. 10k is about a tenth of his paycheck.
He has other responsibilities besides, he hasn't married her yet.
As an upcoming relationship expert and motivational speaker,i would advice you both have a talk on how to handle your finances,especially because financial issues is a major waring factor between couple,sort things out and if it doesnt sit well with you,you can take a walk
ReplyDeleteP.S you sound like someone that would expect more financially from your guy,how do you expect that when he is a salary earner,he doesnt have enough,he should start planning on having other sustainable means of income!!!
I leave you in peace👩🎤👩🎤👩🎤
You just a hypocrite!
DeleteHope you advice same for your brothers!
Poster leave that man and go find your type that suits your greed! I feel for the guy thinking he is doing his best not knowing she is being ungrateful and asking questions.relationehip expert please also encourage her to find other means of money too.dont she need it for herself ?mtcheeew
Anon 17:46 y are u vexing? Are u the guy
DeleteThis must be comprehensively discussed.
ReplyDeleteBefore we got married, I noticed he felt the need to play Santa Claus all the time and it even doesn’t have to be Christmas! So, I made sure we discussed finances to the last pence.
My husband pays rent and I pay bills, feeding is rationed 70:30 or 60:40 sometimes (pending on situation).
We have a joint account for the aforementioned expenses and our individual savings account.
Besides domestic violence and infidelity, finance is a vital factor in marital disputes/dissolution.
Best Regards.
Poster marry him. No cause for alarm.
ReplyDeleteSaid like a man. Straight to the point.👌 😀
DeleteWomen have gone into the nitty-gritty up there, crossed the Ts and dotted the Is. Commendable. 👍👍
Hmm, my ex husband said in his family, his dad raised him not to collect money from a woman. His dad singlehandedly trained a village and put his mum in school after they were grown. Bla, bla, blah...
ReplyDeleteI rejoiced and we got married. I used my money to prepare meals, purchase water, fuel for gen & co. He asked me to loan him rent b4 I moved in, as his money was tied up hmmm.
Then he asked we open a joint account. I declined because his true colours had shown by then. This man never paid the N800k loan, used my car battery when his died till I pushed him to buy his. Used my atm card twice without permission but would not tell me his pin, refused to bring money to purchase baby stuff after I was almost due, borrowed incessantly from me till I had enough.
I was honest with my finances because that is the Christian way of a wife. However, he was draining me and never planned ahead. It was after the baby was born, I decided to split. Let me be responsible for 2 of us not 3 (including him).
Before anyone asks, he earns N550k a month & is the last born. His mum still earns, dad a pensioner and 2 elder siblings landlords.
He just wanted to be a demon to me but I escaped to the glory of God.
I say this to say: have everything in WRITING or record it. A bad person can say 1 thing and do another.
And you never knew that a Christian way of life is to marry a Christian?
DeleteAnd that divorce is not a christian way of life?
I am on this table and I also confused, my fiancee is a medical doctor working with a state owned hospital but whenever he wants to give me money he will give me 5000 not minding that I am a student, he has only done this 4 times since we started dating last year, I don't know if to feel he is stingy or what he is doing is OK? My sister feels he is stingy but I don't know plus we were meant to go for one occasion together and he didn't even care to know if I had something to wear or not though I didn't ask him, I wanted managing what I had but he got himself a new cloth for the occasion and he never asked. I am just confused.
ReplyDeleteDoctors in state owned hospitals are paid 150 - 200T max. Why do you think they work in 3-4 hospitals? By the way, dont you have parents? Why are you expecting money from him as a student? Nonsense! I blame him for going out with a student instead of his fellow doctors or senior nurses. Most of you girls are pests!
DeleteAnonymous I am not a pest, not at all and I am also a final year medical student. I wrote this because we are getting married by September and I feel maybe he should do better since he will soon be my husband ,and there are people that don't earn upto the amount you wrote but are way more generous. I am talking about marriage and the worst thing I want is making a mistake plus I use any opportunity I get to get him a gift. When it comes to matters of the heart, you don't have to check whether the person is a working class or not just do what gives you peace moreover most of my classmates are either engaged to doctors or dating one so it is normal for medical students to date doctors.
Deleteinfact mrs korkus just saved me from
ReplyDeletetyping, what works for you might not work for another person.
Hmmm long distance relationship does not work for me. You cnt tell much about dat person
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that you are blessed with a Goodman.. becareful taking advice from third parties.. I'll also advice that you be honest and transparent with him as he is with you considering the fact that you have an idea of how much he earns.
ReplyDeleteI believe when love is mutual,nothing is tomuch for your family cause you will go all out to help your family, just do what ever works for your family like Stella adviced.
ReplyDeletePoster, 100-120k per month is a small money in today’s Nigeria. If he’s really saving , then support him . His not spending on you is cos he’s saving for the future.
ReplyDelete