STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RESENTMENT TOWARDS MOTHER.
Hello Mrs. Korkus, greetings from me to you.
After being a silent reader of your blog for years I decided to send this to you as I can't tell my story to anyone around me to avoid being judged.
The thing is, I think I despise my mum, and I think it's as a result of accumulated grudges I have towards her.
The thing is, I think I despise my mum, and I think it's as a result of accumulated grudges I have towards her.
I never believed I could ever type this but her attitude towards me Is what I don't like. I remember when I was younger, she use demeaning words at me like calling me a witch, or comparing me with my cousins. Those words gets to me and I cry to my siblings who insist I tell my dad, and when I do she calls me a witch that I want to destroy her home.
Now I'm 21years, 6months old and a 300lv student, and recently I'm stuck at home because of the lock down, i noticed that I feel some kind of hatred towards her (mum).
She acts like I don't exist, and can stay the whole day without hearing my voice while she engage my younger sister. Whenever she returns from market she calls my younger sister and tells her what to cook etc without involving me and when I join them in the kitchen I end up doing nothing there.
The latest now Is I overheard them (mum n sis) talking about me in low tunes but when I appear they act neutral.
How do i manage the way I feel towards them?
I don't know if I'm the problem.
I could be happy and when mum pass by I just get upset/disgusted.
Now I'm 21years, 6months old and a 300lv student, and recently I'm stuck at home because of the lock down, i noticed that I feel some kind of hatred towards her (mum).
She acts like I don't exist, and can stay the whole day without hearing my voice while she engage my younger sister. Whenever she returns from market she calls my younger sister and tells her what to cook etc without involving me and when I join them in the kitchen I end up doing nothing there.
The latest now Is I overheard them (mum n sis) talking about me in low tunes but when I appear they act neutral.
How do i manage the way I feel towards them?
I don't know if I'm the problem.
I could be happy and when mum pass by I just get upset/disgusted.
I need help ...
I wish this lockdown could be called off so I can return to school and have my peace.
How do I manage this?
OMG............can you talk to your mum?Can you sit her down and talk to her?The mistakes we make sometimes as parents may have been done out of love..She didnt know better, and may have had a damaged childhood....when you become a parent you will understand.....All the things i didnt understand then,now i do.
Please forgive her and try to find closure...if she doesnt speak to you,speak to her..treat her with love and she will respond...She is probably feeling the same resentment towards you...oh dear!!!
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ReplyDeletePoor thing😔
DeleteAll her curses and insults must have got you so much that you harbour such resentment for her.
I truly empathize with you but I think it's time you let go already. You're grown now and you shouldn't let your mum's character define who you are.
If you allow this continue, believe me, you might end up worse than she did. Forgive and let go of the pain she might have caused you in the past, she's causing and would still cause you. Even at this point of forgiveness and she continues with her usual character, you can choose to love her from afar.
Whatever you do poster don't take this hatred out on your sister.
DeleteI say this because my elder sis nearly finished me in this life. Kept crying and wondering my crime till the day God pushed her to confess
Happened that she was deeply angry with me that our parents valued me when we were kids more than her. Had zero idea of what she was saying. But that apparently led to her wickedness on me. Including organising people to disgrace my life and lay false accusations on me just to make me the bad guy and be validated by my parents over me.
Story plenty. I suffer ee
Poster all I will tell you is to do all in your power to ignore her. When school starts you waka commot....... Try to focus your mind on more productive things. Don't let the devil use her to block your blessings, even though she is instigating you. Do your part by respecting her and leave her be. One valuable lesson I learned quite late in life is that you can't force people to love you, yes even your own blood...........
DeleteMy dear, I totally understand how you feel, but I would advise you to pray about it and follow Stella's advise. Oh mine was for my dad,childhood and teenage good was bad memories, but guess what, God took control and now we are getting better.
ReplyDeleteIt's very simple, dear. Law of attraction. The more resentment you give, it comes back in a multiplied fold. I am a live prove that I can make an assistant devil love me if I am determined to be loved. It's a cycle.
DeletePlease poster forgive her...i know its not easy but its doable. Ask God to help you treat her well and love her...pray to God also to change her heart towards you and yours towards her.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about this dear🤗🤗🤗
Beautiful advice from stella
ReplyDeletePoster take stella's advice
Pls sit her down and express your grievance in a respectful way.
ReplyDeleteAlso, do same with your sis.
Mean while be praying for
It will help heal your heart and keep you sane
Please talk to your dad, pour out your heart just as you've done here.
ReplyDeleteLike I always say, it's not their fault, some of them were trained like that, they can't give what they never had.
Please be patient and understanding, don't hate her.
If you have relatives, you can go stay with them for sometime.
But why would a mother resent her own child? The daughter didn't ask to be born. All the parents that prefer a child to another have no idea what it deals like it the effects if it.
ReplyDeletePoster may God give you wisdom to resolve this. I don't know what to say. But make up your mind that whatever your mum does to you, is not beyond forgiveness. So forgive her even when she is wrong.
I didn't use to get along with my Mum. Then I read Matthew 7:1-4. It changed me. It didn't make sense but its a principle. Each time we don't get along I pray and ask God to remove the log in my eye so I won't see the speck in her eyes. I use this principle every time I have an issue with a person and the issues get sorted out nicely. So all the best.
Feels like..(1st paragraph)
DeletePoster please I have been in your shoes before..Make sure you behave like a good child you are and don't change because of people's actions/inactions towards you..Once in a while, pick up the call and talk to your mother ask her how she is e.t.c..I know you have not done it before and it will be quite awkward but take it one step at a time..I believe you should have a talk with your mum; don't yell, don't shout, just ask her ways that you can become a better daughter, things you may have not being doing right...Her actions/inactions twowards you should be a catalyst for you not to be a resentful person..Like I will always say ''What we hate, we become and what we forgive, we overcome''.. Please find a place to forgive because people dunno that forgiveness is a very selfish act..You have your life to live, you have goals to achieve..You are in 300 level now meaning you will soon graduate, as life gradually unravels before you, you will see that this life is nothing...Be your bubbly cheerful self, don't let her see you sad or carry your emotions on your face..Keep smiling and be happy even in the midst of all..Ask God to help you as he is for me and I am seeing little changes..It is well with you..All the best..
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're going through this. Some mothers are plain evil!
ReplyDeleteI think your mother is kind of afraid of you.
ReplyDeleteShe calls you a witch.
Excludes you from house chores.
Feels threatened by your reports.
Talks about you with your other siblings BUT never confronts you.
If you can talk to her in the presence of people she's comfortable around like a pastor or family, you will get the answers you seek.
Wow! There is so much more behind the scenes. Dig deeper, you will find the truth. I hope you at least get that. Good luck cos you will need it.
ReplyDeleteI think stellakoko said it all.... You need that chat with her to find closure...
ReplyDeleteAnd also your sister.. But do remember that parents always have favourite so don't be yourself too hard...
Please forgive your mum and have a heart to heart talk with her. All the best poster
ReplyDeleteTell your dad about it. Set up a meeting and make sure your dad is present.
ReplyDeleteAsk your mum what you did to her to the extent of not being affectionate toward you.
Ask her if she is your biological mother. Beg her and ask her to forgive you if you have ever done something to her to make her resent you the way she does. Tell her you love her and want her to be your best friend, you want a happy atmosphere around her.
Tell her you want to be able to tell her anything.
You are still young and you have alot to learn from her.
Truth is no matter how much you dislike her now, she will always be your mother.
While asking her these questions, make sure you are on your knees.
Tell her you admire her and want to be just like her.
If she's so distant from you emotionally and otherwise, how would you survive.
People learn from their parents, yours shouldn't be different.
In her presence, ask your dad to help you talk to her.
And as for your mum and sister talking about you, that's normal. Learn to look away and don't even try to listen to what they are saying.
Even if she doesn't send you on errands, do what you are supposed to do as a child. On your own, you have alot of work to do.
Hope you don't abuse or disrespect her? Open up first and you will experience peace. Be Xtra nice to her. You know how it feels like when you start a new relationship with a man? Woo her like that. Please her, I mean do everything you can to please her.
You can go to thr market, prepare her favorite meal,involve your siblings.
As for using demeaning words on you, forgive her for that. I'm sure she never meant any of it. Some parents do that but it's all mouth.
Losen up, be free and be happy. If you wear a "na you Sabi" face, she go mind her business o.
You are her child, so don't expect her to come around begging you or something. Be her child.
Sluttychic.
God bless you @ Slutty Chic
DeletePlease don't tell her I want to be like her abeg. Power of the tongue things
DeleteDo u want to be the kind of mother that calls her daughter a witch?
There is more to it my dear. Find out, sit both parents and find out. Maybe she is not your biological Mum. Pls if things dont change, from school just find your way after graduation. Some kids dont have parents and yet they are surviving. Some mothers are witches abeg
DeleteI really don't know why people are advising poster to talk to her mom.🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
DeleteIt's her mom's place to love her but this woman chose to damage her daughter's psyche from childhood.
It's either she is not her biological mom or she conceived her outside wedlock while married. How come she is the only one she treats badly?
Any parent that hates his/her child is EVIL!
Poster, forgive your mom BUT TOTALLY IGNORE AND AVOID HER. You only owe her obedience/honour but not necessarily love.
This is a tough one but, I will advice you change your mindset towards her, love her regardless of what she does. Have a conversation with her and let her know how her actions make you feel.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one but, I will advice you change your mindset towards her, love her regardless of what she does. Have a conversation with her and let her know how her actions make you feel.
ReplyDeletePoster, most parents make serious mistakes when it comes to children upbringing and tend to create enmity and hatred amongst their children and even towards them with or without knowing which is why most parents pray to God for wisdom. I know how you feel, I beg of you to let go of that grudges and negativity.. Let it go and thrive to become a new person and see things from a different angle entirely, try to create a new mindset of your mum and sister, participate in everything they do whether they call you to it or not, smile often, start making conscious effort to be involved with them.
ReplyDeletePlease don't continue this way, it's not healthy! You can actually start with being deep friends with your sister, then it will be more easier to move to your mom and communicate your feelings to her in the best way.
poster have a heart to heart discussion with your mum to find out what went wrong. If you have offended her cry on your kneels for her forgiveness. She is still your mother no matter what, please stop that hate you feel for her. Pray for wisdom from above to handle this ind of issue. Your mother is still the best for you no matter what she has done to you. Forgive her and show her more love.
ReplyDeleteYour mum will not change if she's a Narccistic. Let me tell you now so have no expectations
ReplyDeleteI don't know why some parents make it obvious they love a particular child more than the others. I can never understand that! I have kids too and I swear I love them equally, so it hard to understand.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to my friend just this morning and she told be she resents her mom cos of the way she treated her while growing up. The mom made it clear she loves the elder sis more. Now she's married and is not interested in working on their relationship while her mom wants her them to be closer. She says she would have her mom inlaw come in for Omugwo and I tried talking her out of it.
Poster try talking to your dad about your feelings. Hopefully, he'll find a way to make her see reasons..
My own mother used to buy new clothes for my elder sister. My sister was to wear and pass down to the rest of us. I hated her
DeleteIf i were her, i would do the same.
DeleteI would not bother with a mother who didn't show me love as a child. We may be tied by blood but not by love.
DeleteThere is simply no relationship. ❌
Your mum will not change if she's a Narccistic. Let me tell you now so have no expectations
ReplyDeletePoster go with Stella advice. Just forgive her and make peace from your ends.I thought my mom loves my sister more than me when growing up. I asked my mom when I was in jss3 if she was my real mother because being the first daughter the rivalry between my mom and I was something else but now as a parent I understand better and we are now best of friends..you news to see her when I was in labour with my first child. I now understand the sacrifice parents make. They love all their children in a unique way particular to each child.
ReplyDeleteDid your mother often call you a witch?
DeleteAre you sure she's your biological mother? You need to start askiythis question.
ReplyDeleteLook at the bright side, you'll soon be done with school and you'll move out of the house during youth service. Hopefully get a job in another state away from home. My point is, you don't have to face this issue forever
True.
DeleteHmm!down memory lane,my mum use to compare us to some riffraffs dat she doesn’t know their ugly side,people we’re even better than jst to emotionally blackmail us to be better,one day I cried and in my tears I told her she isn’t the best of mothers either but I don’t compare her cos everyone has their own ugly part,she said she didn’t know it was getting to me dat she’d try to adjust
ReplyDeleteNow we’re good and fine but in all I noticed her training with her own mum(grandma)wasn’t good either but she’s good now and left her bitterness behind,I’m the first and my siblings didn’t see dat side of her
Some Nigerian parents dnt understand dat no 2persons are the same,their own is to born to children dat will train them tmrw,emotional provisions and care isn’t in their dictionary if not these numerous rape call outs would’ve been done yrs ago🙄
My advice speak with her and tell her you’re not comfortable with what’s happening,and hear what she has to say,you can’t keep avoiding it..
Exactly! Children are like commodities for some parents to be traded for their future happiness and retirement. 🙄
DeleteYou and your mom I think have the same temperament or personality trait from what I have read.
ReplyDeletePlease talk to your mom... she may be having some difficulties on her own... she might have been raised in a home where her parents too behaved the way she’s behaving and may not know because even you are gradually acting like her.
I know it’s not easy but please take it easy on yourself. What is your dad saying about the issue?
If nothing is being done by both your mom and your dad, it’s ok to have a thought of possibility that she may not come through easily...all you have to do is protect your mind. My major concern is even you right now cause I don’t like it when you mentioned you feel disgusted when your mom pass by.... it’s getting to you and your mind is getting twisted. Be a kind person.
Read psychological books for your mind if you really don’t have anyone around to help you with this.
Convince me.. You've said it all (sense won't leave you)👌.
DeleteA gradual and deliberate positive change need to start with one of them to attract the other.
Why is her mom not like that with her siblings?
DeletePoster, forgive your mom but stay away from her. She's damaging your mind/emotional well-being.
You are 21 now and once you are done with school, leave home and limit contact with her.
You can do without a mother that will complicate your life with negativity.
Poster dear I'm sorry for what you're going through,like Stella advise have talk with her and make sure your Dad or elderly person is present so she can tell you her reasons! Try forgive her
ReplyDeleteForgive ur mom and move on...
ReplyDeleteEasier said than done
DeleteI really dont know how true this is but I think some mothers go through post partum depression after the birth of a child and they hardly bond with the child and sometimes this goes on for years without them even knowing. Some mothers bond well with the child that doesn't stress them at birth. It takes wisdom to balance the love of a mother to her children without being partial. True some mothers have soft spot for a particular child are quick to always show it.(I really dont know how to explain this )
ReplyDeleteSo poster,just have a heart to heart talk with your mum d Express how you feel. You can even ask her about her pregnancy and birthing experience with you
But the post-partum depression didn't 'depress her enough' to have poster's younger sister? 😀
DeleteThat same post partum takes a break around her siblings and resurges once she sees poster in the last 21 years. Hilarious. 😆🙄🙄🙄
A mother that calls her daughter a witch is WICKED!
Hmm ,this l8fe get as e be, the last time we went home for holiday, my brothers kids were there too, just cos I'm not bouyant now, my mum hide all the provisions, golden morn ,milk, Milo etc, and whenever she wants to give my brothers kids, she will instruct the maid to give just those 2 kids, imagine how the ones not given will feel, just cos my bro dey settle well,in fact there was a time we were there visit,and my brother came with friends, my mum was indirectly telling my hubby who is 5 years older than my hubby to come and help Pound yam for my bro n his friends. We have decided not to go to her house again till levels change, my husband is not lazy though, na just the country situation.anytime he manage to send money to her, come n see prayers,and calling for 2 weeks before the money will expire. In fact I tire jare.
ReplyDeleteStella no post if I no dey anon o
That's the BEP yesterday. May every one be favored
DeleteNa that kind of thing i dey like. When God blesses you , plssssssssssssssssssssssssssss dont take care of her abeg. Its very insulting to ask your husband to pound yam, hope he didnt pound it o? person poor no mean say he no go get sense. Avoid her totally, as in AVOID. send her money anytime you have.
DeleteAnon 16:30 that's really sad. Your mom is greedy and your children will never forget her meanness. Children rarely forget those who hurt or treat them badly.
DeleteYour children be great and her greatest grandchildren.
Your mom has forgotten that their angels see the face of God everyday. Matt 18:10 Her reward is coming and it won't be pleasant. 😐😣
Oh dear, it is well with you
ReplyDeleteOr maybe she not your real mother! Dnt know.... Just saying
ReplyDeleteIf she marries tomorrow and becomes successful, the mother will crave for the Omugwo like her life depends on it.
ReplyDeleteIf she allow that woman come do OMugwo, i go vex.
DeleteMe too @18:09
DeleteWoow.....I don't think I can ever hate my parents.....both of them are two very flawed individuals.....infact i
ReplyDeleteTend to follow my Dad's example a lot for instance he loves his mum despite what his own family members say about her so I love my mum with the exact same intensity.....they just have flaws just like us their kids and that's really fine....Infact I don't pay the things they do to mind cos they are just humans.....however, I tend to support my mum more cos she does not have a lot of family on her side and also cos I think my Dad's people bully her a lot and dont like me or my siblings. The way they talk is like we are standing in their way. You should forgive your mum no matter what even though I know she may not have showered you with the love you want. just forgive and forget.
Good to love your mom but when you see her doing bad things to other people, love her enough to call her out.
DeleteDefend her when she is innocent and protect her against unjust treatment from others.
Some mothers make mistakes but some are pure evil. Don't be blind just because someone is your mother.
She should find out what she is or is not doing that her younger sister is doing.
ReplyDeleteShe should start the conversation with her mum from there and strive to change.
The fault may not be from the mum,but from the write-up, the mother has handled the situation poorly
Poster please try and talk to her, pour out your heart to her when she's alone, cry if you have to,let her no that you are dieing inside for not getting the motherly love you deserve as her child that she should forgive you if you have wronged her unknowingly, tell her that hence forth you want to have her as your best friend, you are still very young and have a long way to go, you don't need to grow up with so much hatred inside of you for one person that really matters in your life.Good luck as you do this.
ReplyDeleteRead up on narcissistic traits, if your mother posses half of those traits, forget it, she would never change. People would say talk to her, talking would do nothing. My advice is find someone a woman who you admire and look up to her.
ReplyDeleteThat’s all.
I was raised by a narcissist so I know what am saying, happiness and peace would come when you let them go emotionally.
Parenting is one task that you need God to help you.
ReplyDeleteI teach two boys(siblings) home lesson. The younger is very smart and brilliant while the older is so unserious with his books and will not see reason to be better off. The way their guardian (parents are abroad) makes serious comparison, beats, insult the older boy eehn,I'm not happy with it. He will grow up having hatred for them,the younger brother as well. If they don't watch it,it can lead to something they can't handle.
May God give us wisdom to nurture our children aright.
Please, help the older son - find out his strengths, encourage and validate him.
DeleteThat boy is unserious because he has given up and does not think he can do anything to impress his guardians.
If you can talk to the guardians about the older boy's strengths and the damage their comparison is doing to him.
Maybe you could find a way to contact their parents and subtly let them know.
I wonder why both parents left their young sons and went to live abroad? 😔😔
You're 21 so thank your stars you discovered early enough. I lived in denial till I was over 35 years. This shit is real dear.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you from my own experiences. Family is overated just like marriage. Stop seeing them as blood relations then your eyes will clear. After that begin to manage them with the sentiments of blood relations. Yes, because we are in Africa. Else you'll be tagged a bad 'shaid'
They hate you dear, confirmed. At least, your mum. But you still need them for now so you can't live without them. You cant hate them back cos it will take it's toll on your emotions and health. Google emotionally intelligent ways of dealing with narcissistic family/mother. Swallow your pride and play the fool. Pretend not to notice the things she does. If they don't carry you along, you move closer to them(but don't trust them. esp. with your secrets or life plans). And you will begin to see changes. But be warned. Cos there lied my downfall. A leopard never changes it's spots. Don't be fooled neither carried away by their temporary changes. Yet, they must not know you're playing a game with them either. They must be convinced by your actions. That you have changed. That you're truly mumu who loves them unconditionally.
Your best revenge lies in your eventual success. Let's re-address this issue in the nearest future when you become holistically successful. Don't be too desperate though.
Thank you for speaking from experience. 💯%👌
DeleteAll the people advising her to talk to her mom need to read this.
Forgive her, yes but don't bother with her. Some didn't grow up with a mom or dad. You can find what you miss in your mom in God.
Poster, here is the advise you need. If your mom didn't love you these past 21 years, she is not going to change.
Pray for her but let her be.
When I was in secondary school I had a feeling that my mom preferred my other siblings to me.
ReplyDeleteI wrote her a long letter telling her how I felt and all the things she does that made me feel that way. And I wrote if she continued treating me that way I will run away from the house.
After she read it, she showed everyone and they labelled me a bad child. In my head I felt they didn't understand me and it really hurt. They made me write an apology letter to her.
After that I resolved to the fact that they didn't understand me and probably I havent conveyed my point in a way they would have understood. A part of me still felt bad cos I still felt she hated me. But I decided to believe her and my siblings narative of the fact that she loves me. I just started living and I never resented her for once even if deep inside me I know she preferred some of my siblings to me.
Today I am reminded by this chrinicle and I laugh. Poster let love grow in your heart. Quit resenting thoughts they are toxic to your system. They only poison you and deprive you of joy. Your mom might prefer your other siblings but she doesn't hate you . She might have said somethings but it wasn't from the place of hate. Maybe ignorance. Continue to show her you love her and wanna be close to her.
If she continues saying hurtful things and shows she clearly do not want to be your friend then let her be. Live your life and love yourself
But first have a heart to heart talk with her,remember do not be on the defensive, bare your mind and let her do so too. You might be able to resolve this.
Good luck girl
This chronicle is just directing to me, infact am in tears writing.
ReplyDeleteI treat my elder daughter sameways as your mom because she is not always getting it right, she's is 12 and always dirty, if am not in she will never bath for the day, if you even persuade her to bath she will never cream, she only like to eat all the food at home without helping in house chores, she wants new clothes and can never keep the old ones clean.
Her youger ones are doing very well, my husband caught her watching porn at 11, whenever she's in her period my husband will not be comfortable at home, the whole house will be smelling, she's twelve and weighing 64 almost same size as i.
We bought her different cream, perfume and i bath for her when am at home but she don't want to learn.
My husband and i have talked, flogged, prayed after two days she will go back to her old ways. The only good thing about her she's intelligent, always top in her class.
I have decided to forgive her after i read what Stella wrote about puberty age in children and your story today just weaken me.
Please forgive your mom.
It's great you realised your mistake and will nip this in the bud.
Delete1. You probably didn't inculcate good personal hygiene in your first child early enough.
2. You indulged her cravings for any food as a child and inadvertently made her a glutton.
3.Your daughter could have autism or something related to that.
4. No, puberty does not make children lazy or dirty.
5. Someone could have sexually molested her or introduced her to porn.
6. Take your daughter for professional counseling/therapy. Teens/people tend to open up to strangers.
I had same experience while growing up. Mine was even worse. My mother would insult me, cusre me, starve me to extend whenever she starts our neighbors will call me to their house to give me food. I was in my father's house but I dare not touch my mom's wrapper. I cld remember the first time I saw my period, blood was running down my legs because I had no pants. the one I had had already torn at center but I still wear it like. Crying....I don't want to remember this
ReplyDelete❤️🤗 God will make it up to you @20:46
DeleteI am crying here. I wish God won't give such mean people children but hey, He is wiser than us all.
The problem here is the poster.Yourm mum might have made the mistake of using mean words towards you, but is obvious you have a heart that is deep and hardly forgive. Now that she seems to exclude you, is because she sees through you and mistake your pain towards her as attitude of rebellion. Both of you are wrong, but most importantly,how can you hate your mum? These children of this generation are becoming something else. While growing up, our parents do and say means stuffs to us, but we choose to focus on the love they shown us and understand that sometimes the frustration of raising kids can get on them. With this attitude, you will obviously have problem with lots of people. Flush your heart of hate and let love overwhelm you and you will see how your mum will draw more towards you. Don't let this bitterness destroy you. You might not be the only child she abuses,you probably the only one that takes it to heart. For you to even carry hate this long,you seriously have a problem.may God heal you.
ReplyDelete