Hmmmmmmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN YOUR NEIGHBOUR ENVIES YOU
I have a Neighbour/family friend whose husband works in the same office as my husband. They are also from the same place. I work so our family is doing a bit better than theirs. She's a stay at home mum. Her husband refused her working and they are always quarreling about it.
My issue is that she always wants to tell me how to run my home. She says it in such a way that she sounds caring but the more I think about it the more I feel like there is deep jealousy. There are many instances but I'll just mention a few.
One
I wash and iron my husband's clothes. This woman told me that it causes issues between her and her husband. That her husband asks her why can't she copy me. She now told me that am stressing myself too much and spoiling my husband. That I make him lazy.
Two
We traveled for the Christmas festivities and when we came back, she commented that I looked stressed. I told her that I and my mother in law are the only ladies in the house so I had lot of work to do. She said she knows I like showing that I can work. That instead of me to pretend sometimes so I can rest, that I will want to please everyone. She then said I should stand up for myself sometimes so my husbands people can respect me. I told her I didnt feel disrespected in any way.
Three
My hubby goes to work as early as 5am sometimes. We have only one car which he left for me and the kids. He complained about not finding okada that early and having to walk all the way to the junction to board the bus. I started dropping him off anytime he needs to go that early. This woman came again o. That I should not make dropping him off a permanent thing. That I want him to loose weight and I don't allow him to walk to the junction. That she sometimes doesnt cook for her hubby or know when he leaves for work cos her sleep is too sweet. That me I will cook and still drop him off at the junction. That I should be stressing myself. Note they don't have a car. She says this things jokingly that i am too shocked to react at the time.
Why do you contribute all your salary to the running of the home etc. Even when i am the one controlling how money is spent in the house. The matter plenty and am just tired of all the unsolicited advice. I am the quiet type, i avoid trouble and i hate discussing my affairs but She is very observant and when she notices something and I make a comment in line with it, she just starts advising. I never advice her negatively about her marriage. I always tell her to pray and talk things over with her husband.
She says why i don't have issues is because am forming perfect wifey. That i should try and say i wont give my money to the running of the house and see if we wont have issues. She doesn't influence me but lately i find myself questioning things that i do naturally for my hubby. I want to start avoiding her and my hubby wants to confront her and her husband. I am still begging him. Will we be over reacting?
Yes you both would be overreacting!!!!
Why should your hubby confront her and her husband?was it necessary for you to discuss such petty talk with your husband?And why in heavens name will another woman mindset have any effect on you?especially when you know she is toxic?Tell your man to face his front and drink water.....I t is too small an issue to make a mountain out of please!
If it is really so bad and she doesnt stop then avoid her and quickly leave whenever she approaches you to start a confession..of cos it is obvious she is envious but she no kill person na jealous she jealous....stop entertaining her rubbish!!
Just avoid avoid avoid. You see her approaching you, act like you are on the phone. It's because you entertain her hence she has all the time to point out everything you should be. No need for confrontation just Google how to deal with a nosy neigbour.
ReplyDeleteIs it even by force to be friends with ur neighbour. I dont even know my next door neighbours name. Dont u have ur own friends.
DeleteYou see all those women dat sit down all day at home, are the worst to be friends with. They have too much time of dere hands,so their duty is to be gossiping round d whole neighbourhood. B4 u know it the whole area knows u and ur hubbies biz.
Pls ignore her,friendship isnt by force. Greet and remove ur face.
If you didn't tell her that you spend your salary in running the home how will she know?
DeleteOkwa ajuju ☺
This sisi is the one pouring sand in her garri but quick to table it as a victim. If you didn't entertain her with what you should keep to yourself will she bring her advice? And you still went on to tell your husband. Na public compound amebo go fit you.
Continue inugo?
Well from what i read, she is not jealous but nossy, you didnt have to discuss all with your hubby. stay woke
DeleteI use fake phone call to blank alot of unnecessary talk I can't shout abeg
DeleteHow observant can she be when she doesn't stay in the same house with you and your family?
DeleteSTOP telling her things about your family.
Don't entertain small talks from her.
Bad association the Bible says spoils useful habits.
Keep whatever that happens to you private and to yourself alone and family.
Ignore and avoid her as much as you can.
Ah! B and R!
DeleteHow some of you make friends with your neighbour's is what I'm trying to understand. I can't fit.
DeleteThe way you painted this woman, someone with think she has a hidden CCTV in your house to know everything that is happening there. You are the amebo here. You are telling her stuff to portray yourself as a good wife. Now she dey advice you, you dey vex.
Your husband should be ashamed of himself for wanting to go and confront them. He for seal that your mouth with super glue instead.
Madam keep your business to yourself and she will keep her advise.
Stop telling her about yourself. That her hubby and yours work in same place doesn't mean the two of you should be friends.
God bless you ooo swag lafresh.self righteous women.if the poster is a christian,it is even a good way to win her to Christ or regular fellowship for growth in faith instead of gossip.
DeleteNo, you're not the quiet type. If you were, she wouldn't know how you ran your home.
DeleteStop sharing too much.
Poster seems hjghly impressionable for words from an obviously jobless person to make her compose a whole chronicle.
DeleteI dont see how someone will know so much about how you run your family and how much you contribute if you dont tell her, except she has a hidden camera in your house. No two marriages are the same so its best you dont discuss or even take her advice to heart. Do what is best for maintaining peace in your home which is all that matters.
Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all your responses. I am the poster. I have to start to speak up for myself when things don't seat well with me. Well a lot has happened since I sent in the chronicle.
DeleteI was avoiding quarelling with her but thats what is happening now. She just stopped talking to me. She won't respond to my greetings and she chases her kids inside when they want to come to me. My kids still greet her. She also doesn't talk to my hubby. I already made up my mind to avoid her so she just made it easy. I also don't have the strength to find out why she's upset because shes fond of keeping malice and I will apologize just for peace to reign. The reason she gave the last time was that her hubby was given a query at work and we didnt call to console them. My hubby was on leave at the time and we travelled. Also we were always calling them and they never mentioned anything. We just got home to meet malice. Well not anymore. Its to your tent everyone.
Madam poster, you sef get your own for body. You want us to blame your neighbour and insult her on your behalf. The both of you are gossips. Are you really sure you have something doing? For you to have time to listen to cheap talk and claim you have something doing is really alarming. Now you said she isn't talking to you. Maybe your husband has confronted her. It's like the both of you are beefing each other and secretly competing with each other. Mtchewww... Abeg you too mind your business and face front. Mtchewwwww
DeleteAnon19.27 leave this woman alone...she will soon start causing problems in ur marriage. I dont personally like neighbour friendship,its just too close for comfort. I prefer just greeting eachother and we all enter our individual houses. I guess smtimes bcos the kids play together dere is a tendency friendships will form. My own neighbours have much older kids and are even far older than us....so asides me greeting them nothing brings us together. Neighbour friendship is always dicey. Especially when one is jobless and has time. Had it been she had a job or business she goes to daily and return home tired,her gossiping will reduce.
DeleteYou also talk too much. Talk less on what happens in ur marriage to outsiders.
Poster better o
DeleteOpportunity comes but once
Poster you are the one envious of your neighbour and you are not a good person but forming “quiet”, I know people like you, you want us to insult your friend as that will make you feel better. There is something off about your chronicle and this reply you just wrote up there ... she ddnt just decide to stop talking to you or avoid you, your boy of a husband must have confronted her and with the way you over exaggerate things and make it look like you are better than her because you “work” and she doesn’t ,” you have a car and she doesn’t” and every other thing I’m sure you and your husband caused trouble in her house and her husband warned her to stay clear from you and if I were your neighbour/friend I won’t come and inch close to you. You are trying too hard to convince bvs that you are the good one while she is the bad one.
DeleteLet me tell you why you are the one envious and jealous of her: she is a full time housewife with all the time in her hands to be a house help but you are the working class with more money and also the help . Please leave that woman alone and face your front, she told you things that you know are true and you turned it around to make it look like she is jealous and envious but my dear she struck a nerve in you and you are trying hard to validate that the load you packed on your head in your marriage is normal.
Bed n Rose, not all stay at home moms have time for silly idle gossip.
DeleteStop disrespecting homemakers!!
If you were my neighbor, you will think I am weird. I do not even keep friends it is now neighbor I will have time for or notice. I enjoy my own company and talking a lot gives me a headache.
E be like say you sef you love aproko and Amebo things. She's not talking to you and you're bothered instead if you to be happy. Of course your husband had a word with her husband because after you told your husband he wont fold his arms and allow one neighbour's wife to come and destroy the happiness and peace he is enjoying from you. Her husband then talked to her and she started carrying face for you. Now instead of you to thank God and shut that door completely you are acting as if you miss gossiping with her. It seems you are either inexperienced about people or you love gossiping a lot. You better face your marriage and protect it from outsider destruction because that woman will laugh at you if any negative thing happens to tour marriage in future.
DeletePoster up there you truly have no issue or worries regarding all you just narrated,whenever she starts advising you wrongly if you cant avoid her, no matter how jokingly she puts it,put a stop to it instantly right in her presence and tell her you don’t need her advise and you are not complaining about your marriage so why fix what is not broken?
ReplyDeleteYou better run far from this woman or she will ruin your sweet home before your eyes. Wow. I guess you know the ANSA you are asking us. Run far from her.
DeleteHow does a woman who like to sleep instead of preparing breakfast for her husband know that you drop off your husband at 5am if you don't tell her?
DeleteHow does she know that you wash and press your husband's clothes if you don't tell her?
Poster you started this, so the solution is with you.
@Atagara, me sef tire o. Or maybe her neighbour now a witch to know everything going on in her house. Poster is also a gossip. She is just trying to act innocent
DeleteYou are a nice and caring woman.. I really appreciate you. Continue to ignore and if possible stop her from visiting.
ReplyDelete😊😊😊😊😊😊
Please AVOID her. She's already having a bad influence over your marriage. She's a destroyer.
DeletePoster this woman is advising you rightly. How can you be washing your husbands cloth. Tufia
DeleteStella you sef ehn.. she didn't do bad by discussing the issue with her husband. It's obvious they discuss everything.
ReplyDeleteBut madam please refrain your husband from meeting the couple. There is really no need. Just avoid her. I mean completely. She wants you to be unhappy just as she is.
Poster, I think the right word is 'nosy' not 'observant'.You have a nosy neighbor who is interested in every single thing that happens in the confines of your home. Unfortunately, you give her your ears. Why then should you be surprised that slowly you are beginning to 'question certain things you naturally do for your hubby'?
DeleteWhether you want to or not, her words are already building some doubts and misgivings in your mind. That's how powerful words are, and the company you keep.
The Bible says that bad company corrupts good habits.
Stay away from this woman. Her intentions are obvious, so why exactly do you have time to sit and gist with her, or discuss anything for that matter?
Courteously say "Hi" from a distance and avoid her. You and your husband basically don't need to confront them. Just avoid chit chatting with them. But remain courteous, no less, so there will be no malice.
Madam poster you are the problem here,and i pray you don't destroy your marriage with your hands.You apparently gave us few instances which means you have been entertaining your neighbour,giving attention to her advice as to how you should run your home. Stay on your own,stop gisting with her and learn to enjoy your company.....I don't discuss my home with friends...
ReplyDeleteNa wa oh, which one is she ll destroy her marriage kwa, you people just talk anyhow at times. Not fair biko
DeleteErm did we read same Chronicle? Heyyy
DeleteAbi
Delete@Spice look at it from this angle,a jealous person can resort to killing and destruction. You should not give attention to people that reeks of jealousy,what if the altercation eventually leads to physical fights?
DeletePoster please tell your husband to avoid confronting the woman's husband. Two family men lost their lives a few weeks ago because of misunderstanding caused by their wives. Please tread carefully.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeletePoster please tell your husband to avoid confronting the woman's husband. Two family men lost their lives a few weeks ago because of misunderstanding caused by their wives. Please tread carefully.
DeleteYour neigbour/friend is nosy. Why is she so concerned how you run your home? You have her that opportunity.
ReplyDeletePlease ignore her and continue to do what you do for your family. The minute you pay attention to her, you’d start having issues with your husband.
Tell her I’m a subtly manner you are good the way you are and you don’t want her opinion laced with envy...,that should discourage her. I hope you don’t meddle in her affairs too.
All these oversabi friends that think they are woke.
This is a time bomb waiting to blow and you are playing with her?
ReplyDeletePlease keep far away from that woman and let it be obvious to her that you are keeping away. Tell her that you do
not like her unsolicited advice. Evil communication corrupts good morals and you seem to be treading that line. If you are not careful, you will use your hands to scatter your peaceful marriage.
A lot of ladies here are like that your neighbor and be careful in the comment section as they will have issues with your washing and ironing your husband's clothes. Yes,
a lot of them are like her.
Ma'am, instead of your husband o confront them, how about he tactically advices his friend to allow his wife work.. even if it's business to keep her busy. And woman to woman, you suggest how she can keep bsuy instead of giving unsolicited advice. This is the effect of idleness.
ReplyDeleteThis your advice is the reason for this Chronicle in the first place...unsolicited advice.
DeleteEverybody should mind their own business. Period
But she & her husband needs the woman to back off! And that's a polite way of telling her nossy neighbour to get busy.
DeleteKindly avoid her. Keep doing what makes your home peaceful, don't listen to her at all.
ReplyDeleteSome people will advise you to this and that, but will chop shit at home. Don't listen to her and mind your business. Don't go and do what will make your husband chase you away.
You shouldn't have discuss it with your husband. He should calm down please.
Poster, learn to overlook. She is low-key envious of the relationship you have with your spouse and coming out straight to say her mind will show her to be the enemy so she's stealthily working her way into your head to try to make you resent your man
ReplyDeleteIgnore her tactics and antics.
Whenever she gives her unsolicited advice, tell her "okay" and go about your business.
With time she'll realize her devices are ineffective and steer clear.
I'm just wondering what you and your husband will tell her during the confrontation.
ReplyDeleteAzin your husband will tell her madam stop spoiling my taata
Lmao my tata
DeleteOh Fan,you're quite a handful!🤣
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteLolzzz at Taata😂😂😂😂
Deletein otherwords you think the neighbour is giving her good advice?
DeleteFan onye isinkuka! 🙄🙄😂😂.
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteThis woman ina enye nsogbu!
It’s obvious this woman is very naive and she is d one keeping the home , if she stops doing some of the things she listed up there she will see her husbands true colour.
DeleteI do not see jealousy or envy in her neighbours advice, she only advises based on what she sees, hears and notice, u are not questioning the things uv been doing because of her advice but because deep down inside of u u know u are carrying too many responsibilities that u shouldn’t and you keep doing them because u don’t want to be labelled a bad wife and ultimately want to keep ur home.
My ADVICE::::if u are not interested in her unsolicited advice whenever she starts just tell her off and with time she will read d writing on the wall and shut her mouth when it concerns how u run ur home.
It’s obvious this woman is very naive and she is d one keeping the home , if she stops doing some of the things she listed up there she will see her husbands true colour.
DeleteI do not see jealousy or envy in her neighbours advice, she only advises based on what she sees, hears and notice, u are not questioning the things uv been doing because of her advice but because deep down inside of u u know u are carrying too many responsibilities that u shouldn’t and you keep doing them because u don’t want to be labelled a bad wife and ultimately want to keep ur home.
My ADVICE::::if u are not interested in her unsolicited advice whenever she starts just tell her off and with time she will read d writing on the wall and shut her mouth when it concerns how u run ur home.
In other words, someone that is grown enough to be married with kids should be able to decipher wrong from right.
DeleteLet her comtinue with all the labour, when she is fed up of doing everything, she go fight the husband, house go scatter.
DeleteMadam poster...don't allow your husband to confront her pls, it's you she discussed with and not your husband,pls avoid problem
ReplyDeleteIgnore her and stop entertaining her any time she comes up this and that..you said you are quiet? But doesn't change the fact that you speak up when you're not comfortable with anything! Learn to say your mind and tell how you're not interested in that type of talk, it's as simple as that
Everyone runs their home differently,why will she want to influence yours and you keep quiet? Better cut her off before she poison your mind in your happy home...stop sitting together to talk,just hello and move forward
All the best
You know this woman has so much time in her hands and you keep on indulging her. Kwantinue
ReplyDeletePls just avoid her. She's toxic npls don't take her advice. Avoid her totally if possible DNT give her any mind. Change ur face n composure when u see her so she'll see ur nt in d mood
ReplyDeleteDear poster, pls I'll advice you to start avoiding that your neighbour. Let your interactions just be limited to greetings and probably small talks. Whenever she wants to bring up any issue concerning your home or any of her unsolicited advice, just tell her off in a polite manner..
ReplyDeleteThe problem with listening to such a person for a very long time is that those things that you have been doing and has been bringing peace to your home, you'll start questioning them and this may start affecting the peace you enjoy at home. She may be lowkey jealous of you sef and looking for ways to make you and your husband quarrel just as she and her husband quarrel. As long as it lies with you, do everything to keep the peace in your home. Do not give room to the devil to come in through all his subtle ways for we are not ignorant of his devices.
And no, you are not overreacting. Your husband should not confront them tho. Stella, if she does not tell her husband, who will she tell. A husband is supposed to be a friend, someone you can discuss everything with, no matter how petty the subject of discourse seems.
God will continually bless your home and grant you the wisdom to run your it in Jesus name. Amen
#teamhappyhome
Thank you. I am the poster. Well in the time since I sent the chronicle, a lot has happened. While I was pondering on the next step to take, she just stopped responding to my greetings. She chases her kids into the house whenever I come outside and they want to come greet me. My kids still greet her when they see her. I don't have the strength to ask her what is wrong since she always does it and I am always apologizing just for peace to reign. Its always something petty as: my hubby got a query from work and you guys never called to greet us! Mind you, my hubby was on leave at the time and he never heard. We were even calling them through out the period and they never mentioned anything.
DeleteShe also doesn't greet my hubby. Our hubbys greet each other like nothing is happening.
I just dey my lane now.
Poster stop painting this woman black, how can a free spirited person like that woman just stop talking to you, you and your husband or only your husband confronted her or your husband told her husband who must have issued her a stern warning and since you made it look like she is a demon trying to belreak your home she decided to dey her dey. Honestly if I were this woman I will not even cross the same path with you and will avoid you every way possible and I think thy is what she is trying to do.
DeleteYou shld have told her off all the while you felt her advises where “evil” and unsolicited despite the fact that “you were the bringer of the gist” but she had a free mind in dealing with you as a friend only for your husband and her husband to make her realise that you resent her by saying those things to your husband. What were you thinking? That things would remain the same between both of you after you made her look like an evil woman and someone who is trying to break your home? You built a sting and high wall between the both and you and yet still trying to make it look like she is carrying face for nothing when you know what’s up , something definitely happened that you are not saying here because you want to keep your image of “the good one” between both of you. I just realised “you are the toxic one” and people like you are ticking time bomb and such people like you are very deadly.
Poster stop painting this woman black, how can a free spirited person like that woman just stop talking to you, you and your husband or only your husband confronted her or your husband told her husband who must have issued her a stern warning and since you made it look like she is a demon trying to belreak your home she decided to dey her dey. Honestly if I were this woman I will not even cross the same path with you and will avoid you every way possible and I think thy is what she is trying to do.
DeleteYou shld have told her off all the while you felt her advises where “evil” and unsolicited despite the fact that “you were the bringer of the gist” but she had a free mind in dealing with you as a friend only for your husband and her husband to make her realise that you resent her by saying those things to your husband. What were you thinking? That things would remain the same between both of you after you made her look like an evil woman and someone who is trying to break your home? You built a sting and high wall between the both and you and yet still trying to make it look like she is carrying face for nothing when you know what’s up , something definitely happened that you are not saying here because you want to keep your image of “the good one” between both of you. I just realised “you are the toxic one” and people like you are ticking time bomb and such people like you are very deadly.
Stella I don't see anything wrong for her telling her husband,because telling her husband would make her stop reading meanings to it,if both of them are on the same book.
ReplyDeletePoster your husband doesn't need to see the woman and the husband, you should just learn to stop entertaining her unnecessary talk.
I see you are not that type of person but you have to learn to,with time she is going to stop when she notice your attitude and coldness whenever she starts talking.
It is obvious all she has been saying are affecting you negatively, stop discussions that has to do with her home or yours. It's not necessary.
ReplyDeleteDon't advice her, whether good or bad and don't allow her do same, walk away if she's trying to start one, either from her side or yours. If you don't discuss your home with her, she won't either. Set a boundary and don't cross it.
Your hubby shouldn't confront her and as for you, u need to stay very far from that woman. She's evil and totally hates the peaceful home you've built with ur husband.
ReplyDeleteStaying away from her will not even give her room for such unsolicited advice. Trust me, she's trying to ruin your home.
Her inlaws probably hate her and she wants yours to treat you that way.
You better stay far from her, like very far. She doesn't mean well at all.
I'm just happy that you know your left from ur right cos another senseless woman would have already started taking her advice.
Dear Poster I think you should keep her at arms length.. Its obvious her husband is always comparing her to you.. So she is very frustrated and this has made her become resentful towards you. I hate people playing that comparison card, its really not fair.. I think for now you only owe them 'good morning' etc and don't entertain such gossips before she will rope you into her wahala.. This life is too short for toxicity.. Mind your marriage, family and job so she doesn't destroy your happiness.. Just greet and pass, it doesn't make you snobbish but it makes you retain that respect that you deserve. All the best..
ReplyDeleteI think you just sent this in so bvs can insult her so you can feel good about yourself. Sounds like the woman is just trying to give you some tips on how to reduce domestic load seeing as you also work. You don’t have to take the advice and you can just ignore her or even let her know that you don’t like it. Women always get unwarranted advice from everyone- like EVERYONE is always telling us what to do, so why do you single out this one woman who doesn’t have anything doing?
ReplyDeleteThis is a problem I have faced. When people offend you and you don’t call them out because of being a coward or wanting to keep the peace you build resentment and may lash out or do something worse than what the person did. If you communicate, sometimes (not all) the person doesn’t intend harm. If after you’ve spoken to her and she continues then you know what to do (reduce communication and be polite but distant)
you set her up to get in trouble with her husband who already seems like the controlling type. That’s not right.
*ps the way you think you know so much about her marriage is the way she may know some about yours. Maybe she’s observed that you’re doing too much domestic work even though you have a job and she’s simply giving you tips to reduce your workload. There’s no award for being Miss Perfect. the fact that you think someone giving you advice on reducing workload is envy, that’s something you need to think about.
God bless you my dear!
DeleteEveryone is shouting "avoid her,she's toxic,yen yen yen "
I think her neighbour just wants to open her eyes to certain details that she's been overlooking.
And why does her husband want to confront her,if he isnt guilty?
Dear poster,I don't expect you to allow a friend/neighbour to dictate how you run your home but open your eyes,your husband could be taking advantage of your selflessness.
Stay woke!🙏
nothing like advicing her on how to reduce work load. Anon do you want to say that you don't know the said woman is purely evious? Or you just want to give a different advice are you sure you are not like the said neighbour? Ok try to mind your business ALWAYS
DeleteAbeg he who comes to equity must came with clean hands.The poster has been enjoying the gist/gossip/tell all/talking too much and divulging unnecessary information to her neighbour now she is tired of the gist because the spotlight is on her.i bet they gossiped about other people also.If she said you looked stressed you could have responded that it was the stress of the travelling.Talkative forming I am a quite person.Whether your neighbour is jealous or envious is another issue.Yoy created a lacuna for lizard to enter your wall now you're looking for who to blame.start by accepting all your own errors and the nonsense you've allowed from the neighbour then you can begin from there.
DeleteGod bless you!!! I was scrolling to see if someone saw what I saw in this chronicle.
DeleteMadam poster: Communicate! Communicate!! Communicate!!!
If you like join the bandwagon of people telling you to avoid her, without taking the lessons from this occurrence.
Simply say: "Ah... neighbour please leave me and Oga alone oooh. That's how we run our home"
She would jokingly say: "Ah! Okay. Make una enjoy oh. Pele" if you do this thrice, she will get the message and end it there. If you had done this earlier, she would have taken caution siiiiiince.
What you have done is act like an undeveloped introvert; claiming to love peace on the outside, yet breeding a war on the inside. You have shown this inner war in two ways:
1. Self-questioning your co-habiting choices.
2. Telling your husband (3rd party) when you havent told her (2nd party)
(By undeveloped, I mean that you arent self-aware and think this attitude is normal or better. Well, it's not ��)
Personally, I am a very free-spirited person who says my mind. But events of life have made me caution myself +++++ I am an ambivert, but I tilt more towards my extroverted side. So, if at any point, I feel what someone is saying is somehow or can make me (or anyone else) have a wrong perception of them - I advice them as a friend and express how they make me feel. I also listen to hear what they meant or thought and (most importantly) I watch their responses and body language. I do all this before I draw my conclusions. Even the bible says if you have a grouse with someone, sort it out with them first before you call in 3rd and 4th parties. If after doing this, they dont make changes or they make immediate changes and relapse; I take to my heels.
But, the way you're handling it is very immature (sorry) and reactive (not productive). I also sense that you are feeling as if you are somewhat better than her because of a more stable home or dual sources of income, car etc. You dont know the challenges she's had before you met her and you dont know where God will meet them tommorow. This is how some of us handle issues and destroy relationships.
While I am busy being myself by saying or doing something with the most innocent intentions, to people; down the road I'd hear them or someone else say that I am jealous of them, I am pretending, or I meant to harm them or I was trying to intimidate them. Mnwh, in my head I was just being me, joking or stating my opinion of things and not trying to do all that. But I promise you, this my clear mind makes God always come through for me, to the amazement of such people who have concluded that I am 'so evil'; while they are carrying me in their heart for no reason.
When I hear things like that, I just say: God have mercy on me and help me do better. Period. I adjust accordingly.
If the person wants to talk to me about it, fine. I'd apologize where need be and explain what I meant - explicitly. If I heard it from a 3rd party, I give them the reaction they understand- act like I didnt hear a thing and smile sheepishly too; cutting odd unnecessary communication. Cos trust me, I'm sure you've put your mouth in her busienss too. But your self-praising wont even let you view this angle. Think deeply, and see that you have actually adviced her on issues in her home that dont concern you and thats why she feels the need to advice you too. But you are now taking offence 😊
For this reason, I avoid being friends with introverts. They are nice to be around, but their minds start to process even the simplest things to a point of resentment, especially if they dont develop the habit of effective communication. They take note of the smallest details and develop resentment for you others, while pretending to be 'calm'. Then the day they want to tell how they feel? They will probably go and tell someone else first and exaggerate it to garner momentum and make the other party seem are worse than they actually are. If you are lucky, you will hear your gist. If you arent, they start giving you funny attitude or explode in an overreaction. Very toxic behaviour!!
DeleteBottomline:
No one is perfect,
Stop keeping things in your heart that grow to make you resent people. That's the heart you pray from and call pure, when you are ruminating in unhealthy unconfirmed thoughts? Purity is not what you do, its what inside of you, Aunty.
Handle issues with people one-on-one and only call your other parties when your effort hasn't yielded fruits.
Understand that people have different perspectives in life and speak on issues based on those perspectives. How you receive it, is clearly your prerogative. But you are better off giving an immediate boundary than making unfounded assumptions.
Apply wisdom and dont give off too much information like "we were cooking during Christmas bla bla" That gives her an impression that you are suffering, even when you truly are doing it with joy. If she now advices you on that, with pure mind - na wahala!
You cant change anyone but yourself; so work on your own end and leave her to her perceived doom. Abi?
And please, if you are an introvert reading this, please please please 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 develop your communication skills and dont always assume everyone would read your mind like magic. This thing ruins even marriages, I tell you. The way you people ruminate in things is actually a very toxic trait but many dont know. I hear introverts say they find it hard to make and sustain relationships (both romantic and unromantic). If you are one of those, please look into this, the next time you want to complain.
E go be! ✌🏽
Hehehehe, Chikito is back!
DeletePlease comment more often.
@chisom
DeleteBack where? 🤣 to busy darling 😘
Poster, to add - I am certain this 'jealous' neighbour has actually done nice things for you. But they're all out the window now, as you wish. I'm sure she has at some point helped you watch your kids or run a market errand for you especailly because you are the busier one. I lie?
Chikito your comment up there is apt.😘😘😘😘
DeleteYou know their type very well. The part of discussing it with the husband to the extent of wanting to confront- that was a clue for me. They overanalyse things and are also poor at handling friendships so they go too far and then take offence at people crossing boundaries. Poster should also look in the mirror abeg!
Chikito you are sound....
DeleteVery Apt.
I have similar attitude with you, but I'm a little brash, haven't fine-tuned that side of my extrovert personality well.
All in all.....You are very much on point and I miss your valid points.
This here would have been an voidable situation immediately u noticed her advised/comments wasn't accepted to ur way of doing things.
ReplyDeleteI'm yet to see the big deal in this issue.
Madam na wa for u..so dis small tin u don rush go tell ur hubby,common advise ur fellow woman gives u.
DeleteI no ur type.. trying so hard to show u are a perfect woman..abeg men don't deserve all that o
anon 15:43 that's what works best for them. Didn't you read where she said she's the one that manages money combined in the house? Let me ask you small sincere ajuju are you like the poster's neighbour? Let me also give you one sincere 'solicited' advice learn to mind your business
DeleteShe is not with her home and she is also not happy that you her happy with your home!
ReplyDeleteTo the left to the left, that where she should remain. Good that you are smart enough to sense her toxic advice
Stella you almost got it... Except for the part where she shouldn't discuss "petty" things with hubby. Wo, we will both discuss both petty and non petty.
ReplyDeleteWhy not avoid her and save urself this stress.can u imagine what u went to discuss with ur husband.madam nah ur type dey carry their frnd gist they give their husband.i fear u pass the woman.
ReplyDeleteShe can interfere because u give her just. If wall no open, lizard can’t come inside. Avoid her and avoid issues. I thought u said u were working, what time do u now have for idle talk? Don’t u have kids who take your time when u come back from work. The woman hasn’t done anything bad, it’s advice and if u don’t like it don’t take it. If your husband reports to his friend, the two husbands will make up after the fight. I are the one who willl have enemy of the other woman and her husband and i won’t be free when u see them.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind the poster.Hypocrite forming quiet type.Until she accepts that she messed up by encouraging idle talk there is nothing anyone can do.It is obvious from her chronicle that she doesn't accept her own faults but pushes the blame on someone else.no wonder tell call you miss perfect.
DeleteI just tire. I said aren't you busy. na you give room for unnecessary talk. Please leave the woman alone and stop busy body talk. ABI na face me i face you Una dey stay. Can't you just remain in your flat without unnecessary talk.
DeleteExactly, stop listening to her hut wait oh, wetin make you dey go work dey wash and iron your husband's clothes? Can't he wash his clothes and iron them?
ReplyDeleteDropping him at the junction to pick a cab to work isn't bad and while you are spending your money on the home front, have savings o
Madam, she's truly jealous of you. Avoid her totally, as her aim is to scatter your home. Let her be observant all she wants, if you have to tell her openly that you don't like her "advice", please do
ReplyDeleteThis looks like you’re actually annoyed because what if she’s right that if you stopped doing all the work while contributing most of your finances, your husband would turn on you. You want us to tell you that you doing all these makes you the good wife. It’s your home, do as you please. Because I don’t see how you can’t simply shut down this woman’s comments. These are the kinds of things you complain about to siblings or friends. She’s not your husband, not an in law, she’s not even a boss or a close friend. Manage your home as you like but make sure you’re not overstretching yourself. You cannot enjoy marriage if you don’t have life or good health
ReplyDeleteGbam!!!
DeleteGbam!
DeleteGbam!!
DeleteMadam you are an adult and know what is good for you. You don't tell your husband things like this cos it will only cause trouble btw the both families. Next time just ignore and face front.
ReplyDeleteLet there be peace
Your life is going on good but if you keep trying to entertain her discussions you will fall into a trap that you will regret. Nothing will give her joy that to see you have problems in your home.
ReplyDeleteposter is like you are jobless, you love gossip and have time to gist rubbish with your follow woman else you will not be saying all the rubbish you are saying. Get yourself busy with plenty work with that you will be tired to go and gist with a jobless full house wife.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you have to explain everything you do with your husband to another woman that has her own family? do you owe her any explanation on how you run your family? do what makes you happy, do what works for you and do not listen to anyone. Do not allow another woman tell you how you should treat your husband at all.
stop going to her house for any gist, start avoiding her, anytime she want to start any gist pretend you have a call and move away from her. You and your husband should face front, do not confront them for anything. Afterall you carried your family gist to the woman.
Both you and Stella are correct 👍
DeleteConfront based on what na? It’s like you and your husband don’t v enough work to do. I’m sorry yal sound so childish. If u don’t like wat she says rebuke her playfully too since it’s play she’s using to say it. Or find a way around it Nd just free her totally .
ReplyDeleteI know a couple like this, they have no friends so they overanalyse every single word said to them. In their eyes, they are close but it’s just codependency.
DeleteMadam, i guess you did not watch video on the two men(neighbours)that fought and killed themselves. I thought you said you work, why then do you have so much time to listen to someone you feel advises you wrongly. Madam, close your doors and face your family, no rule says you should be friends or foes with neighbours.
ReplyDeleteNice to know that you told your husband all. In this way you would be each other's keeper.
ReplyDeleteI tell my husband everything and we are cool for years.
Yes dear, I'm also happy she told her hubby, it shows the level of friendship in their marriage plus the hubby will also get to know the woman for whom she truly is and learn how to relate with her, Poster you did the right thing innugo?
DeleteBut your hubby shouldn't reduce himself into confronting the woman or her hubby, you people should just be wiser around them and please, avoid her biko, she's an evil instigator.
Including the color of your sh*t?
DeleteKeep telling o!
Yimu🤨🙄
Madam Veteran you do not support telling your husband things? Can i guese why? How can you tell him things when you might mistakenly tell him you have 7 side men and 12 side bobos that's not possible you know
DeleteSince you already know,why are you asking?
Delete😋😋😋😋
Gbam!!!@ Stella. Why would you tell your hubby things this woman discuses with you? What are you trying to prove by telling your husband? Learn to handle little issues with your fellow woman without dragging your hubby into something as petty as this.
ReplyDeleteYou spoke my mind. I can’t stand people behaving like kids at school. Petty.
DeleteBut truthfully, so what does your husband do at home since you do all these things? After all you also work. When person dey give una good advice una no dey hear. If you don't use a washing machine to wash then your husband should always help you with chores. ITK wife.
ReplyDeleteI tire.
DeleteLeave the innocent woman alone to run her home the way she wants.
DeleteShe isn't here to write a book on how she lives with her hubby, she also didn't state anywhere in her chronicle that she's being maltreated by her hubby, Marriage is companionship, it's a union of two adults in love with each other, It is not a world War biko, leave her be. And please, if those vindictive and wicked words coming out from the mouth of that her jobless jealous neighbor that is always having issues with her own husband is what you call "Good Advice" Then l'd really be PROUD to tell you that you lied!
That is not even an advice at all,
Thank you
No be small ITK wife.
DeleteShe doesn't know that her hubby is stressing her.
I'm sure she's an ATM wife,forming smart!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Someone who loves her is advising her to open her eyes and she's calling her a hater.
Okay na!
Abi o!
DeleteBut Chisom, this comment is saying the truth. She is using all her income on the home, also doing all the chores, what does the man do? Pay kids school fees and rent maybe. Madam poster, start saving half your income, so even if you do labour, you have your own money for your enjoyment. I love equality in marriage, men are lazy and we shouldnt enable it.
DeleteShe doesn't influence you yet you find yourself questioning things you naturally do for your husband..LOL
ReplyDeleteShe does influence you, sis..you just don't want to accept it. Truth be told, you encouraged this mindless gossip by entertaining her.
I agree with telling your husband because Lord knows what her husband could be telling yours seeing as they work in the same establishment. You both need to be wary of them.
However, an open confrontation over unsolicited advice isn't necessary because it looks petty. Learn to speak up when something doesn't sit well with you, timidity is not a virtue.
yeah i agree that open confrontation over this issue is not necessary you both will be draging things too far. And yes poster speak up when something doesn't sit well with you immediately rebuke the person and that alone will serve as a signal that you do not tolerate such
DeleteHow about what her own husband could be telling the other man? 😊
DeleteThe fact that she sent this chronicle doesnt mean her man is perfect. How do they know she washes all his clothes? Do they peep into the house? That woman may know something and that's why she sounds the way she does.
This life?? Haha. You never ever know.
She may not be jealous. It could actually be that you are doing too much with a full time job. Have you considered it as her being supportive? Why do you think jealous though. If it were me I will see you as doing too much oo. You cook for him to take to work by 5am, drop him off, come back and get ready for work, return from work , cook other meals , wash and iron his clothes.....there must be a lot more you do in addition and also if you have kids. I am with your neighbour on this...but if you are truly happy and it is not straining you physically then carry on.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind her. Na oversabi make fly follow shit entire soakaway
DeleteShe's really doing too much. I wonder where some people gets such super power.
DeleteWake up to cook and still drop your husband as early as 5am, come back home to prepare yourself again. Ahhhh
Well done Mrs Superpower
Me i camt even be her friend. I will be so pissed off at the babysitting of the husband. Perhaps the husband keeps hyping the wife to the neigbours husband and that one shades the wife all the time. Breakinv news poster. 10 yrs down the lane, you will run down and revolt, then katakata go bust.
DeleteSome women are very strong Sha, you will be wondering where they get the strength from.
DeleteThis would have been me but in my case I didn't and will not give my neighbor room to talk shit... My neighbor tried to use my hubby's niece to gather info about my home, how we run things, I repackaged the girl and send her back to the villa. Everybody to your tent o neighbors....
ReplyDeleteMadam stop giving her listening ears, keep forming busy around her till she gets the code. Be careful o.
Poster there is sense in every nonsense, don't throw away the baby with the bath water. There is sense in what she said.
ReplyDeleteWhen my friend was getting married, I asked her if she knew how much her husband to be was earning, she shut me down saying that she doesn't care, she makes enough money to take care of herself so the man's money doesn't concern her.
I told her before she starts carrying load in the house she should learn the man's financial attitude first, this money she is rushing to spend furnishing the house and paying for most of the wedding, a time would come when she would feel resentment whenever she has to spend if the man was not also bringing his own. She ignored me and I am sure also told husband to be what I said.
3 days after the wedding was when she started complaining about him and she calls me to complain bitterly about the man's stinginess every other week.
What I am saying is that it seems fine and dandy to go over and aboard for your husband but also make sure that if for any reason you can't do what it is you are doing now, it doesn't bring issues.
Stop discussing your friends with your husband even if you don't agree with her. Do you know the kind of advice your husband's friends are giving him?
Them no dey carry man matter for head o, na for neck so that if e pain you, you fit drop an rest small, then continue.
👍👍👍👍
DeleteBesides how did she know you wanted your husband to lose weight? Did you complain to her?
DeleteLouder
DeleteGbam RSQ, you have said it all
Delete@RSQ infact! I think we are in this boat together.
DeleteWhen I start ringing my advice from 12km they will say I am ITK or I'm jealous or picky or trying to make everyone act/think like me. They will be arguing blindly and trying to prove a point.
Down the line, when everything I've said starts coming to light, they start looking for me. But, I ensure I dont utter a word then or entertain their complains. I activate my busy mode. If your advice is always there, people wont appreciate it. Sometimes, let them wallow in their foolishness.
An old adage says "a word is enough for the wise". If you cant take the juice if what I'm saying and always want to turn it into something negative, na you sabi. You see me? I can take advice from a mad man. I sift the truth and appreciate people for even speaking out. Shikena
Your husband doesn't need to confront them it is absolutely unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteYou also seem to have a lot of time at hand. I can't imagine coming back from work tired and one person will call me and be giving unsolicited advice or come and gist with me.
You need to start avoiding her or politely let her know you don't need her advice.
Awwnn you're such a sweet and kind soul😘😘,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, that your neighbor, yes the woman! She's living in pains and misery, She just doesn't understand how you and your hubby could have the perfect simple life she thought existed only in movies, You live in love, peace and harmony with your hubby, while she lives in arguments, misunderstandings,resentments and managing each other's asses with her own hubby, to crown it all, you leave your house every morning for a paying work while she stays back at home, bored lonely and angry!
She has wished and prayed in her deluded head for you and your hubby to at least, have a misunderstanding that will drag the attentions of neighbors so everyone would stop thinking that you guys are the perfect example of couple goals.She's pained, everyone uses you as an example of a figure to emulate good characters from, she wishes to be you so badly but she can't and now, she's angry about the whole thing.
Just start avoiding her, your business with her should be just hello and hi, don't give room for discussions or her asking you stupid questions, whenever she comes around, form busy, stay very far away from her biko!She's a notorious negative vibe.
She's obviously not in your class. Miseries always seeking company.
what's left you've said it all. You just described the neighbour perfectly. Poster after cutting her off you can help by praying for her that her marriage experiences sweetness
DeletePray tell, how did you come to the conclusion that the neighbor lives in argument, misunderstanding, resentment and et cetera?
DeleteAlso, how is the OP the poster child for good character?
You are just in your own bubble, my dear. 🤦🏻♀️
If after reading the chronicle, you didn't deduce it, it's your personal problem not mine, bye🖐️.
DeleteI agree with Perxian, what a weird analysis 🤨
DeleteLol, the 1000 meters long jump to conclusions tho. You should be consulting for Deloitte on analytics. You are that good.
DeleteLol, you just tagged my writeup *weird* If I actually decide to go hard on you now, you'd probably start bleeding from the eyes and nose.
DeletePlease Anony 17:15,drop your own wise and best analysis and get very far away from mine, Respect yourself, don't get me started oo, you won't like it at all.
Retired slay queen LMAO 😂
DeleteMadam, if you are truly working, I don't know how you have time for such petty talk.
ReplyDeleteI didn't read your Chronicle to the end. No time. Yes even inside lockdown.
I don't know your neighbour's motive but are you telling me you can't be civil with no idle chit chat???
Poster, it’s time for you to also question yourself about how you interact with people so that you can learn for the future. Your telling your hubby in such a way that he want to confront them also says a lot.
ReplyDeleteIt’s time for change so just limit her to pleasantries and always be busy around her. No more siddon dey gossip even if it’s going to be uncomfortable, just stop.
Please my sister mind your home. There is nothing like a peaceful home. Don't thread it for anything. Did you just call that woman 'a friend'?, I can assure you, there is no need for you to look.
ReplyDeletefor an enemy.
Please my sister mind your home. There is nothing like a peaceful home. Don't thread it for anything. Did you just call that woman 'a friend'?, I can assure you, there is no need for you to look.
ReplyDeletefor an enemy.
Exchange pleasantries with her but that should be as far as it goes, if she starts up with her gists tell her you have something to do and keep it moving.
ReplyDeleteYour husband confronting them will be stooping low..no need for that dear.
Keep doing what works for you and your home.
Exactly! 👌👌.
DeletePoster just avoid her and don't take her advice.
ReplyDeletePoster why must you tell your husband about such issues.
ReplyDeleteYou should avoid her and make her know that you don't need her contributions. So she will know to stay away from you.
Stella et onyinto, please many couples share tales oke. It's not strange when your spouse is your bestfriend
Deleteavoid her like a plaque and keep on sharing your concerns with hubby. That way, he will understand where your fears are coming from whenever you act differently
ReplyDeletePoster you shouldn't have told your husband because its' womens' gist. So far you have tried by not adhering to her advices. All you have to do now is to find a way to cut her off. If she cames looking for you, form busy if you are not,and do not contribute in any thing she says, once she notices you are not interested, she will chill.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything envious here, your friends knows you more than us the bvs. From what you wrote up there, truly you are always working 24/7. Washing cleaning taking kids to school and other things. To the extent you went on holiday looking worn out and tired and probably haggard. If she doesn't tell you the truth who will? She didn't say don't do house chores but she's saying reduce it ,don't over work yourself. I am sure you have more than two or more kids which is stressful sef. She didn't tell you to stop working or don't cook or insult your husband. Do you even have time to take care of yourself ? No go old pass your age sha. If she no tell you na who go tell you.this is one reason I don't advice people even if the shit is so expose cos before you know they will say you are jealous of them.
ReplyDeleteOne champagne for you.
DeleteThese days?? If you're not careful you will fill form before I utter one word of advice. 2
Wahala big like iroko tree, I won't even talk. Afterall, all the sense I have acquired, my mates are using it to do online life coach and cashing out. I will now be advicing one person for free, who will now be assuming that I am covertly jealous or envious? Like say I no get my own problems 😂 mscheeew!!!
Don't overlook all she said. Don't always over work yourself, you can ask for help when you need it.Most importantly let your choice and action not distort the peace in your home. If possible don't discuss your family with her, learn to discuss things not related to your home when she comes around.
ReplyDeletePlease avoid her jealousy even from her comment and observation is filled with jealousy and envy🧐
ReplyDeleteThis is the reason why I don't advice people. Someone is trying to borrow you sense, you are tagging her your enemy.
ReplyDeleteI know plenty people like you, continue with your superwoman duties o.
Wash clothes, iron clothes, drop husband, cook with mother in-law till you looked stressed.
Super woman.
Is she complaining? Did she complain to the neighbour? How is it your business what choices people make?!
DeleteIt is our business because you brought it here.. And yes you are the poster
DeletePoster,Biko is she LIVING IN YOUR HEAD?NA QUESTION I ASK O!MAKE I KNOW WHY YOU NO FIT DISASSOCIATE! TELLING YOUR HUBBY IS QUITE PETTY!!!
ReplyDeleteAre you not the one telling her everything???
ReplyDeleteMadam ur neighbor is not bad. How can you wake up everyday to cook and drop ur husband off come back, prepare the children for school, take them to school, go to work, wash and iron ur husband clothes, cook dinner etc. Infact that ur neighbor likes you.
ReplyDeleteYou and your husband work,yet you wash his clothes and iron it. Come and collect your perfect woman award. Just do you know,you are not in any way better than your neighbor. You crucified and hung her on the cross thinking you are better than her. You left off all your marriage issues and can talk about she has a one I come home. You are not quiet,poster please work on yourself. You are the one who should check yourself and she might be better off being without a friend that will condemn her for friendly banter to her husband.
ReplyDeletePoster is evil, jealous and envious. Something she should have jus playfully told the woman off she bottled it to the extent of painting the woman as envious and a home breaker. You tell her what’s happening in your home and she advises you based on her personality which can be seen from what you said she does in her own home but I’m not sure if that is actually true , yet you turn around to start vexing for her because you wish you could do the things she does in her marriage but liver nor gree you because everybody sees you as the perfect wife who is both the man and woman in marriage.. oshey keeper of marital peace. Poster you are a ticking time bomb, I am a psychologist and I have seen soooooo many of your kind in the course of doing this job.
DeletePoster abeg u are too childish.akuko umuazi.grow up.so any little thing u tell ur husband.marriage is for matured people.This whole bullshit sounds so childish,with time u will grow and learn .
ReplyDeleteWhat works for her might not work for you, tell her politely yo don't need her advise in running your home affairs, then no need for your husband to confront her and her husband
ReplyDelete@poster. I have just a statement for you. You & your hubby should pack out of that place - your hubby & hers are from same place & working in same coy, and yet living in d same compound. Wetin happen? Abeg, leave there and have your peace bc sooner or later, bc of your quiet nature, casala go burst.
ReplyDeleteposter, keep slaving away all in the name of being a perfect and awesome wife. Cut down all these things you do and you’ll see your hubby’s other side and true colors. He’s a grown man for goodness sake and not a child. Why do all these things for him? What does he do at home Besides working? Your neighbor actually cares about you but you took it personal because the truth hurts! Wake up!!!! Ps: just jejely leave the neighbor alone o. Someone else will appreciate her good advise. Focus on your own perfect life with your perfect husband and kids. 🙄
ReplyDeleteI see u as the one with problem because, you are the one releasing information about your home to her, for her to be giving advice that will eventually break your homes.
ReplyDeleteContinue