Hmmmmmm...na wah!!!
NEWLY WED BROUHAHA
I really do not know if I am overreacting. I need your advice and that of the BVs before I lose my mind.
I’m a newlywed, got married November last year and I must say so far so good.
I’m married to a good man that doesn’t hesitate to make me happy in his little way. Very homely, he is every good thing you can think of.
But I have a problem, to be honest I don’t know if this is insecurities or the fear of the unknown. Before we got married, I noticed he has few number of girls as friends and I wasn’t comfortable with it, I voiced out and told him about it. He will say he met these girls before me and they are just his friend and there is nothing attached. That is he going to stop being friends with them cos he is married. We had a serious fight because of this statement.
I told him no one is saying he shouldn’t make friends but there should be boundaries, how will a girl call you and you people will be gisting about unnecessary things for hours, laughing and all. This extended till we got married.
I can’t imagine calling a married man at 10pm, to gist about what exactly, when I know he has a wife at home.
And one thing I noticed again is that he hurriedly takes away his chat when he sees me coming.
I was really sad one day and I cried bitterly, told him I am not comfortable with all these things he is doing and that if he is cheating on me, it is very sad.
He said haba, why would you say that, cheat kwanu, from where how? He sounded so serious and I had to believe him and he made a lot of promises. His phones are passworded so I don’t even have access to nothing.
But I am not convinced enough, I want to know if I am overthinking before I ruin things. Because there are times that I just wake and I will be very sad and refuse to be friendly with him all day. It breaks me each time I think about it. Please help.
But one thing i notice is that he doesn’t hide to make these calls.
He doesn’t follow me on Instagram. His reason.... he is from a polygamous home and he is trying to keep me from so many things... people stalk him, they will find out who I am and all. Children of God, my page is freaking private. I mean how will people see anything about me when the account is under lock and key.
He has never used my picture on Whatsapp. I am very very very beautiful, I am not trying to hype myself but i really am.
Apart from all these issues stated above, he is very good guy and I don’t even want to think otherwise cos of these issues
Please I need everyone’s thought on this. Thank you
*Madam na wah.....I just got bad vibes about you from this Chronicle......
Do you Nag a lot?Its not by being very very very beautiful oh..
Do you people make conversation or quarell all the time with you nagging and whining?He has never used your photo on whatsapp?he does not follow you on instagram?Do you need social media validation for your marriage?Gosh!!!
He is always laughing on the phone with someone?Friendship in Marriage is not automatic,it is something you work at and build..
You married a care free man that you don't seem to trust and changing him now will be a problem....
I don't know what else to say but relax a little abeg..He is probably cheating and catching him wont solve anything so concentrate first on catching his attention with character since beauty is not working...
You want the hard truth?
ReplyDeleteWell, it's just a matter of time...
Brace up.
@Blackey
DeleteYou mean before he browse another website?
Especially when the lady is of full tummy?
Well, I did not see her mention how they try to
instill discipline on each other as a couple.
😊😊😊😊😊
How do you ladies jump into marriage and just realize that there is
Deletea problem?
What do you all do during courtship.
Please, can we have this discussion because it seems that a lot of girls
here do not know what courtship means. It is not a time to measure his
penis or how well he fits into you. It is a time to discuss and agree to walk together
as a couple. For two do not walk together except they agree. Amos 3:3
But looks like a lot of you just want to get married as if the man will melt away like
snow man on a particular sunny day.
Nawaaah ooh. You guys are supposed to be in your honeymoon stage for crying out loud. what's with all these trust vs mistrust? The bitter Truth is your hubby will cheat or he's already cheating on you. You have to learn how to live or deal with that.
DeleteBest of luck amariyaaaa.
**** I wrote something very similar to what you wrote here on yesterday's chronicle and one air-head said I was talking nonsense.
DeleteNawa
DeleteWhat he's doing is very wrong!
I know two wrongs don't make a right, but since he's not listening; y not use reverse psychology aka mirror back for him?
Shebi you have male classmates? Chat them up on social media and use style and extend the leg to calls.
When he's around laugh well well while talking. From his reaction, you will know your next step.
In today's world, if you voice your thoughts and pains, they will call you nag. So na do me I do you things dey reign now... #jointhetrain
The only question i have is, y do married people password their fones and not let their partner know their password??????
DeleteMadam I'm sure you clearly saw all of these while dating but turned a blind bat thinking he would change after marriage. Fa fa fa fawo!!!! These are common mistakes single ladies make.
DeleteYou married a carefree man just like Stella said and you have to deal with it cos he won't change. That's just his kind of person. My ex was like that too. Always chatting and flirting with different girls he called friends and each time I ask him, he would say "I met them before you." Though he uploads my pics on WhatsApp sometimes but he was also uploading their pics too. I broke up with him finally when I found out he was still chatting with his ex. He would even upload her pic and write "my yellow pawpaw." I had to dump his sorry ass. He came back begging saying he would change, I nor gree o cos I know he won't. So darling, you just have to calm down and deal with it. I'm not praising him o. As a matter of fact, He also has his own fault too. He doesn't upload your pics and doesn't follow you on IG because of "village people." Who does that? The truth is, He doesn't follow you on IG because he doesn't want his girlfriends to know you, simple! Not because of family members and village people. Kpele my dear... It is well
Do me I do you things is spot on no time for iranu
DeleteI just wonder why people cannot have enjoy their peace in marriage instead of sniffing for issues. @Poster, if you find out now that he's cheating, what will you do? Leave him? Force him to change? Cheat back? I hope you will brace up to do the needful when you find what you're seeking for.
DeleteIf you cannot trust God that He is able to keep your marriage and guide your hubby aright, then continue to dig a hole in your home.
I love beevees... no time for nonsense and ingredients...
DeleteIts wrong for him to be calling and receiving their calls.
DeleteWhen you are married, it shows that you have moved to a new phase in your life and adjustment should be made properly. May God give you wisdom and also help your hubby to realize that he's not that man of yeaterday.
Madam he's married not in jail. You're being petty and Jelous and will end up using your hand to chase your man to the hands of another woman. Instead of telling him to stop tell him you'll be OK with knowing his female friends too (w compromise). I'm sure you have male friends too
ReplyDeleteI disagree with you...maybe you're a guy anony 15:05 but even at that there's something totally wrong in not been connected to his wife on instagram. Is he living a double life??? Its a bad red flag.
Delete15:34 are you for real?! The phrase "Chase your husband into another woman's arems" still exist in this 21st century? Ejikwam ogu o!!!
DeleteAnon 15:05, who raised you? So it is ok for a married man to chat/talk to other women at odd hours? What respect does that show for his marriage/wife? You vow to forsake all other and stick to your wife/husband. You can't eat your cake and have it. There should be some boundaries for crying out loud.
DeletePoster, this did not start now, so why did you not nip it in the bud before the marriage? Why do women foolishly thing marriage automatically changes unacceptable behaviour? Poster do not ask him to be friends with his female friends who call him at odd hours. This shows these women do not respect him or his marriage. Talk to him from the heart and let him know you feel disrespected. If he doesn't change start chatting with male friends too. Two can play that game wella!
Sorry, I mean 15.05.
DeleteHe is cheating. Divorce him. Its 2020...no time.
ReplyDeleteHaaaaaa.. Please na😄😄😄
DeleteWooow e never reach like this 😪
DeletePeople might think anon 15:07 is crazy but watch out, this woman will be singing this same son story 20years down the line with 6kids, high blood pressure and low self esteem if her husband doesn't wake up and respect his marital vows!
Delete15:07 Anon is not here to play. 😩
DeleteNa dem
DeleteMelancholy
I agree with you anon, same reason I divorced my ex, he passworded his phones, will make calls with women late at night and never posted our pics together on Facebook including our wedding pics, I left him for peace of mind sake, he thought it was a joke and ignored me until he saw court process and bride price returned. I have remarried to a better man, even if I was still single I still prefer it to that shitty mind boggling marriage 🙄. That man is a big cheat and you are naive, I was too at the time
DeleteBeauty doesn't keep a man,nothing keeps a man who doesn't want to be kept, but you can try and be his friend,its easier to speak to your friend about something you dont like than to speak to a man who you aren't friends with.
DeleteYou trusted that your "BEAUTY" will keep him from cheating but alas, here we go.
Your marriage is less than a year,concentrate on building your home with God, love,trust, and companion.
Another one that saw signs and still went in. What do you want us to tell you? To leave him? My dear this will be an issue for a while, he will find new ways to hide his ish so you might as well carry your cross. Stop complaining about it, act like you don't care because when you do he capitalizes on your insecurity. Unfortunately you walked into this with eyes wide open another person putting emotions before logic. Good luck sha
ReplyDeleteAunty biko, how do i serve the truth?
DeleteDo you want it cold or hot?
He is a big cheat
Not following on ig? 🚩
Password on phone 🚩🚩
Deleting chats 🚩🚩🚩🤣
Welcome to your cheating marriage.
I even forgot not using you as dp
Nne carry his phone put yourself as dp, just for a day. You will find your answer.
Marriage is not a private affair abeg why won’t he follow you and post you on his social media ... did u have a private marriage that he is hiding u from inlaws??? Aunty open ur eyes and use ur head o. But u must approach this matter with caution! Haba y do some pple even get married. Pls b careful o Incase d man is not cheating but it’s bound to happen soon if he continues like this. God help u .
ReplyDeleteAmy no b so ooo,some of us just like keeping a low profile life wen it comes to wife and social media, does not mean is cheating. Everything she said in R post i do dem and my wifey just look at me nd laf.she ws better at some point I think she spoke to sm1 about it nd she came around to I gv R d gist of d Lady's I chat with.mk she cool down
DeletePlease learn to type with complete words so people can comprehend what you’re saying. Thanks and God bless 🙏🏾
DeleteOga SA. Pls stop chatting with random ladies. Respect your wife and marriage. Spend that time you would have spent chatting to bond more with your wife and you will see your marriage blossom like never before.
Delete@SA, your wife does not have any option but to come around.lets wait to see your reactions when she starts talking to random men
DeletePoster, I dont think there is anything to be overly worried about. He is a homebody, no issues and you havent caught him doing anything inappropriate.
ReplyDeleteJust enjoy your marriage and continue the bonding process.
I do agree about the boundary thing, it's important there are boundaries...why would a lady friend call at 10pm? Try to have a heart to heart with him and express your displeasure. As for photos on whatsapp and following you on IG...some men like to be private I guess.
Long and short is I really don't think there is anything to be worried about for now, relax and enjoy your marriage dear🤗
What I learnt about newly weds;
ReplyDeleteThere was a phase before your marriage, which means; you both have/had friends before agreeing to marry.
I must sincerely say that, it takes time for the spouse to start breaking free of their friends either bad or good.
But gradually, he will start to leave them one after the other.
You can expect him to cut all ties, lolz 😉😉 its going to be gradual.
So for now, don't rush him with your thoughts and your presumptions.
Try and gboju, and let him be.
Be friendly with your hubby.
Have fun, joke, gist and all that. Even after he calls, jodke with him about who he was talking with and all that..😄😄 you get the drift? Bond more.
And get busy with other things.
Your beauty is not your character, it is only a pinch of make-believe..😍😍😍
Well said
DeleteAbeg you be counselor
Delete💯💯
Deleteposter this your best advice up there, me have been for married for 8 years now and i can count how many times my hubby has use my pictures on his whatsapp, he does not rven change his dp. he has facebook but he doesnt follow me and i am not fussy about it because he doesnt even use it like that, he doesnt have instagram or snapchat. he doesnt even like taking picture with me maybe because hes older sha, am 32 hes 46. He is old school and he doesnt want instagram love, he told me marriages that are always on gram crashes. but does he love me? capital yes, he has few lady friends and gradually, he is blocking them one by one. ignore everything you are doing right now and bond with your hubby more. do you know that i even show my hubby pictures of bumbum😁we are so free like that. keep calm, stay alert and enjoy your man
DeleteExactly, my thoughts! I don't even see a problem here, just give yourself rest and breathe properly poster. Please enjoy your marriage na
DeleteVery well said Ola.
DeleteSo Ola, how about what I was telling you the other day?...
Your husband doesn't just know how to draw the boundary that is why the late night calls come. Talk this through with him in a calm manner.
DeleteI kinda feel those friends are not sleeping with him. He is only fond of them. My Male friend is married and he is fond of me,like we chat real good,we dont live in same state,we catch up on phone calls,talk about life and all its blows,ups and downs,he tells me things about his family,I tell him about mine too, I know his parents and siblings,but we dont gist at night.
I read some comments and I wonder how some of you think cos he is married he he should dump his female friends who don't mean any harm to him and his wife.
Sometimes some friendships matter,it doesn't mean they are sleeping together, it's about finding a pillar outside your comfort zone, someone who gets you,it isnt all about sex cheating all the time,healthy relationships does exist too.
I know some people will say soon you guys will start sleeping with eachother,but no maybe for others but not me.
That social media thing is a no go area, him not putting up your picture as profile pic, or not following you on social media platform means nothing. Except you see him active and using other ladies picture then you can say ok he doesn't want people to know he is married. He got a password on his phone so what? Has he not always had it? Didn't you talk about how you wanted things to be before you married him? You don't just get into a marriage and think you can change everything.
You need to concentrate on befriending your husband, giving yourself peace by not worrying about lady friends calling him. As long as he has been a loving husband, you haven't caught him pants down you need not worry .
🖐👍👏🙌
DeleteMelancholy
Welldone Ola. Poster, I don't see a problem here. Don't cage your husband, same way he should not cage you. You people are married and should be best of friends, however talk to him about the late night calls. Be free and give it some time and he will gradually cut those people off.
DeleteI had a male friend I was very close to, we talked about everything. It didn't stop automatically when he got married but gradually. Now, there's a limit to what we talk about and the frequency of our talk.
@mama mia.. What oo??😁😁 ask again please
DeleteShe wants to show off her marriage for the gram...smh using your picture as dp is your own problem in marriage
ReplyDeleteNa wah oo e no easy marrying a handsome man
ReplyDeleteIt’s disrespecting enough to be on the phone as late as 10 with some friend gisting and laughing away. If there’s nothing going on, why does he take his chat away when he sees you approaching?
ReplyDeleteBut you should relax more and observe and stop crying and being sad.
I won’t advise you to snoop, if there’s something fishy, it would definitely come to light.
Also, stop complaining about his calls and chats....give it time. Like I said, talk less and observe more.
Do not expect him to abandon his friends cos you guys are married, a sensible man knows what to do.
Have you thought of the fact that he might be getting the attention that you are not giving him from those girls? I understand that he is wrong, but maybe you should try to be more romantic or do things that will get his attention, maybe that will make him change.
DeleteHow will he get the attention from his wife when he is always on the phone chatting with his female friends even at odd hours. He is not doing well as a husband he needs to show his wife more love and control his phone addiction
DeleteMy husband was everything the poster described up there. Me sef started chatting and gisting with my friends too. He will be in the living room, I will be in the bedroom... lol . He became curious lol he will cut his calls to ask who I’m on the phone with lol will tell him it a friend, and keep talking. My hubby started coming home early. He has stop lol and I have relaxed...just watching😂😂
DeleteMadam relax, stop nagging, don't carry all have heard about men and their female friends and enter into marriage. You are just jealous, I'm a married woman and my husband too have female friends and I have male friends too.
ReplyDeleteShe is not nagging!! What you can condone may not be same for her!
DeleteHmmmm.....interesting anony 15:11, she's jealous?? Right she made a mistake by not resolving this concern before marriage but I bet you in a shortwhile, the guy will venture out. If not with this "friend" , then with another "friend".
DeleteBeing territorial isn't a bad thing at all ,
DeleteAnd honestly there should be boundaries, the feelings of his wife should come first ,
Marriage is no sentence but there should be mutual respect.
When I first started dating my homie i told him about my male friends and the females as well, he has never had an issue with it , the only thing he told me is he's sure I know where to draw the line , if he ever has issues with anyone I'd put it into consideration, night time should be for couples to bond and cuddle .
If it's not important the call can wait till morning id never call my married friends even females late at night cos I believe they need some privacy.
She airing out her displeasure isn't in any way nagging, some people r more emotional than others.
Poster just calmly talk to him make him understand you're not trying to disassociate him from his friends but you believe in boundaries and respect most importantly married couples need it .
Create activities that can help you both bond .
Spot on @ Chocolat.
DeleteLol@ Nana did you just say that she is jealous, what works for you might not work for her mind you na from clap e dey enter dance
Delete@Nana the fact that you have accepted to be treated like trash in your marriage doesn't mean that poster should also reduce her standards like you. What a shame that most people are insinuating that poster must be a nag. No one said he should not keep female friends BUT it is totally disrespectful to be speaking with them by 10pm/11pm...trust me if the wife starts people tp male friends by 11pm the same husband will complain. Problem is women always fall deeply involve with we men and then we take advantage of them... Poster take this from a man, stop asking him about this and start speaking to male friends from 9pm. Start occupying yourself...go to the gym, always look good, salon, spa etc.. you will see that he will become curious and stop his silly act. Nigerians STOP always blaming the women in marriages..gosh women are their own worst enemies..Nigerian women are too desperate in marriage...take a cue from oyibo women times..this is so annoying
DeleteStella na wa for you o! How does she come across as nagging and whiny? Every concern stated up there is valid for a newly married. The man should be able to set boundaries with his female friends....how can you encourage calls at 10pm and spend hours talking unnecessary things.....that is verryyy disrespectful to your wife. Some people do not consider social media validation important but some do. It also could be that her mind has gone on to that because of his shenanigans with different girls. However, poster I believe your hubby may be arrogant and you could have addressed his issue with having female friends calling him at odd times before marriage..at least I am sure they used to call him before you wedded. It will be hard to get him to change if he doesn't see anything wrong with it though. If you can convince yourself he is not getting physical with them then ignore him and hope he comes to his right senses.
ReplyDeleteIf she catches him with her character, what about her? What will he use to catch her and hold her down?
ReplyDeleteIt's Your man's duty to make you feel secure. If a man says you are insecure when he is the one giving you lots of reasons to be fidgeting then he is likely a gaslighter
I won't rush to say he is cheating even though I don't know why his phone has a password and he hurriedly stops texting when he sees you approaching.
Your man needs a lecture on the boundary. A healthy boundary is lacking in your relationship. It is his duty to keep those his 'friends' in check concerning their calling during ungodly hours. You can't blame the ladies though I believe they aren't bereft of their senses not to know you don't treat your married male/female friends the same way you once did while they were single. However, the onus is on your man to make an adjustment if he wants harmony to return to your marriage.
c'est très vrai@ her man's duty in making her feel secure ,
DeleteHe might not be cheating, he's just ignorant of how this can harm his marriage ,
But I believe it would get better if he is willing to understand her plight .
Stella her concerns are valid; why password your phone if there's nothing to hide? What's with the long gists into the night repeatedly when you know she is not comfortable with it? A new wife sure needs all the validation she can get. He needs to shout it from roof tops, yes. It's worth it.
ReplyDeletePoster, you come across as an idle wife. Get busy.
I don't know why some men of this generation don't know how to draw boundaries! How can a newly married man be laughing and making long hours phone calls with his female friends, when he should be playing and making important plans with his newly wedded wife.
ReplyDeletePoster please, you need to have a heart to heart talk with this your carefree husband who doesn't respect your feelings. Tell him you are not happy with all the late night calls. He should stop it and give you the respect you deserve.
My problem with friendship of the opposite sex is the females in the friendship; they usually don't have good heart. They will know a man is married, they will still be calling at odd hours and discussing what doesn't make sense for long hours. If you want a gist partner, go and find one that is single for yourself and leave the married men alone.
Poster, I pray God guide and protect your home from ugly Jezebel.
Ms A please read her post again ooo. She had raised and discussed the issue with her husband. Read the husband's reply then advise her again.
DeleteIt may be possible that the husband is the one doing the calling.
Lovelace.
As in ehn, I tire for these girls, annoying set of human beings
DeleteGod bless you Mrs A. When I tell my own DH that your intentions maybe pure but these girls, how can you tell their own intentions?
DeletePoster pls read my advice below and take it if you like, but it is tested and trusted and has always worked for me. I don't need anyone to agree with me, but this is that worked for me.
Your marriage is still very young and easily salvageable.
First insist that your husband respect you by taking his calls within reasonable hours. No be for fight oh. You will tell him clearly that you will not put up with disrespect. Let him see that taking that his friend's call is making his friend happy and you unhappy. There is no rational man who loves you truly that will make his friend happy at your expense. Remember say no be fight oh. Firmly state your point
2. You see that war room hen, those that want to laugh can laugh but the koko is that you can pray for peace in your home. My own prayer point and my husband knows: any friendship that will destabilise my home, God should bring it to an end.
See my DH is a guy man. And very social. Ladies man. He is the type that will help a lady in distress just because he is a decent man and the lady will begin to have ideas.
When I made that prayer a constant prayer point, my dear even the ones I did not know about, na him go come dey "ka" like winch. Telling me everything.
And now I can boldly say dem never birn the babe.Na as dem they come dem dey go.
And his attention is fully mine once he is home. He dey grumble oh. Say babe I no get any friend again oh. And I laugh and say honey I am your bff. You don't need plenty friends. He will say jealousy. And we laugh together.
Of course he still has some female friends who have in turn become my friend. Because he let's them know my friendship with them is key for him to remain their friend.
I rest my case and wish you all the best
I LOVE YOU MA(yes I am shouting😀). I experience same as the poster and all your points are valid.I took some lesson's too.God bless u.
DeleteAh... Ms A!!!! I just don't get it... I feel like screaming... what is it???? What is it with men? Ahn ahn... kilode? Why can't you make friends with your wife... why can't you invest that time with your wife... I feel like sending a resetting e- slap to him, but lemme calm down... looolll...
DeleteYou had better rest your mind and don't give ursef unnecessary stress, so because he married you he should
ReplyDeletebe sentenced to boredom. Abeg take a chill pill and be your husband friend.
"Very very very beautiful girl..." that is not hyping, this man is in marriage, the way
ReplyDeletehe was as bachelor and that is who he is! 🤷🏻♀️
You saw him like he is and probably prepared for wedding but not marriage.
Yes, If you were preparing for marriage, it is during proper courtship that these issues are taken care of. I've seen dudes stop smoking, stop alcohol, stop clubbing in order to get a priced girl they so cherish.
And during marriage, they did their best not to misbehave.
Well let me add that a person's best is to build ones marriage on the Love of Christ. For Love covers over a multitude of sins. And there are certain behavioral pattern that can be settled by the lady's good character instead of acrimony.
And my question that causes commotion is this; do you have any male friend? Were you and this man chaste during courtship to have time to discuss about your new home at all? I have only asked questions o. 😊😊😊😘
If your mind tells you he's doing something illegitimate, he is.
ReplyDeleteHis phone is locked, how about yours, is it not locked ? You told us about his phone, how about yours madam ?
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't use your pictures on WhatsApp, when did that become a sign of love and affection ?
Why do you want him to dump his friends, just because he's married ?
Chill, you're married now, you thought you will changed him after marriage but things are not working your way.
You saw it all coming, manage am like that.
This your stance of always supporting men even when they are wrong makes you sound very shallow ..incase you don't know. It is obvious you are a very unintelligent somebody....mtcheeeew.
DeleteCraze dey worry you. I make make based on issue, I don't support people blindly.
DeleteNo be me be your problem, face what's facing you. Fool 15:36
Don i hope you will support the woman too if the reverse should be the case.
DeleteHis phone is locked, how about yours, is it not locked ? You told us about his phone, how shout us madam ?
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't use your pictures on WhatsApp, when did that become a sign of love and affection ?
Why do you want him to dump his friends, just because he's married ?
Chill, you're married now, you thought you will changed him after marriage but things are not working your way.
You saw it all coming, manage am like that.
Why are you bitching now? You knew this before marrying him. I don’t really your complaint especially when you married him after knowing this.
ReplyDeleteMadam SDK said it all also you too try and have make friends chat plainly and gist then watch him feel how you feel
ReplyDeleteGbam
Poster you weak me with your narrative. Sorry I don't understand what you sent. Your words are all over the place that I couldn't pinpoint what the issue is.
ReplyDeleteYou got married November,how many months into the marriage you want to drive yourself crazy. The signs were there before getting married. Why do you think you can change him after the wedding.
I never see Stella right plenty advise before, kindly read her red ink and let it sink in. Looking for what is not lost in your Marriage.
Lovelace.
This marriage never reach 8 months stories don enter.
ReplyDeleteYou better take care of yourself and since he is from polygamous home, just know you go share am with other girls.
Sorry ooo, stop crying and think of what to take your minds.
No truth and trust in marriages. Una be two not one at all.
Sorry girl
Mi Lady! You said he is a good man focus more on the good side dear!! Try to calm down and when you guys are in a good mood like joyful and cooking a beautiful meal.. Raise the topic again and this time don't raise your voice, talk very calmly and don't cry.. Tell him how you feel and don't argue with him.. Then allow him too and don't give a hoot. You need to learn how to love and embrace yourself . Your husband won't make you happy you owe yourself that! Social media validation is nothing if he puts your picture on DP/Instagram/Twitter its still not gonna change anything, darling and beauty is just temporal, its the beauty within that matters. Above all continue believing you married a good man and get yourself busy and don't give yourself hypertension because of man. Its not worth it. All the best.
ReplyDeleteAid he doesn't follow you on social media or upload your pic I would hope you would also not be over zealous. I recall my ex who when I met his friends said they didn't know I existed i was like wow. I got the impression that you people knew me all along. ( they thought he was still with his previous girl) I confronted him and his excuse was that he wants to keep everything quiet because he didn't want bad eye on the relationship so I said ok. One day he stumbled on a message from my friend who said she wanted to introduce me to her brother so I said ok ( this was planned because I deliberately left the chat open on the kitchen table and went to the toilet so by the time I got back he would have read it) anyway as expected he confronted me that why did i agree to the meet up. I said that I dont want my friends to know I'm not single cos I dont want eyes on my relationship and so when they say they want to introduce me i just agree to it but nothing always comes out of it. Anyway the weeks that followed o met almost his whole family and he got the point I was trying to make
ReplyDeleteGbam!!! Use same tactic poster. If hes chatting with females, get your male colleagues to call you. Stop being so clingy and needy. Take charge of your little life.
Deletecunny man die,cunny man bury am!!!
DeleteI like d way u handled dat situation.
Poster find a way to hold ur husbands attention,at least he is urs for keeps now!
look out for he’s weak point n use it to your advantage.
U too pretend to talk on d fone for hours,laugh out loud,make him jealous and see the outcome.
Ciao
This really made me laugh 😂😂😂😂
Deletelol Stella and her advice. smh.
ReplyDeletemarriage is a serious business!
she's not seeking social media validation but nothing like your partner gassing you up! it's the little things, y'all make women feel like they're insecure and it's in their, not at all! their fears are valid! the man is disrespecting his wife by his actions! disrespect isn't only words, implied actions too
Gbam ! God bless you. Disrespect isn't only by words, but by actions. Sadly, many men don't know this.
DeleteAll of you shouting disrespect disrespect, did such start November 2019 when she got married. Kindly read Modella's comment to see how she handled hers.
DeleteThe signs are there,all the red flags flying everywhere but she still chook head thinking that I can tame him. You cannot change someone who is unwilling to change. It only takes the grace of God.
Poster of yesterday hope you read this post.
Notwithstanding, I still believe there are good men out there.
Lovelace.
Any man that hides his wife,cheats,that girl that always calls may not know he is married,some men even deny being married just to cheat. Just live your life cos that man is cheating on you
ReplyDeleteSis, I can bet those ladies doesnt know he's married. Because they do, even their conscience would tell them it's wrong to keep communicating with a married man till late at night.
DeleteGod bless you oo @odun odunayo I know of a man that always lies to all his prospective babes that he is not married oo.that he is divorced.would even promise marriage and take steps towards that until he is tired of you.He has been married for 25years oo. I heard a gist of one that always introduces his side chick to his wife oo as a vendor.if the wife wants to buy lace,he would say his bosses young sister or colleagues that you know sister sells lace,and sidechick go play along to sell market while being a strong second wife to madam.and madam will be calling sidechick aburo mi
DeleteI think you're feeling insecure. Work on yourself first.
ReplyDeleteFor you to emphasize your beauty means that you hold it very dear.
Is that all you have to offer? My dear, work on yourself. Beauty is only in the eyes of the beholder but true beauty comes from the inside
Work on herself how? Is he not the one making her insecure? You people always advice like you are inbuilt Jack Bauer. It's a natural reaction to feel less when your supposed half is turning up all excited for other people of the opposite sex.
DeleteVery valid insecurities here IMO
Bv he is Innocent until proven guilty and you said the calls are not secretive, so am sure you hear the contents of the discussion and if he is okay to do that in your presence then you should give him the benefit of doubt or are you feeling envious with how freely he communicates with them and not you?
ReplyDeletethen as for your photo uploading issue, does he upload other ladies and has refused to upload yours alone? if not then you don’t have any problem or are you feeling left out from all the social media couples posting frenzy? i will advise you communicate with him openly and clearly let him know what you expect and give him reasonable reasons to back them up okay....all men do not do things as most men would and all of these characters you are no longer happy with now are traits you should have noticed and gotten used to it during courtship and it lead to marriage, so why change him now or create problem where there seems to be none for now?
I have come to the conclusion that people are not monogamous in nature both men and women but women curtail their own desire. I think we should start looking in polygamy and polygandry
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with this
DeleteMen can curtail theirs too if they want to. But they refuse to do so because they are badly brought up. Society teaches them from tender age that they are permitted to do whatever they like because they were born with penis
DeleteWhose husband are you sleeping with?
DeleteMy question is this....why will a married man password is phone and his wife won't have access to it? I don't get, why get married in the first place..
ReplyDeleteOr is it something to learn before marriage,cos I don't understand
Ahhh!! Same reason a man died at his concubine's house & left the wife clueless. Some men don't understand that in marriage, 2 has become one. Transparency & accountability should be the basis but we're not ready for this discussion.
DeleteHonestly, if this was such a huge problem for you then you would have nipped it in the bud before marriage or walk away. There are things you need to put your foot down on before they get out of hand.
ReplyDeleteI don't care what anyone says but no female friend is calling my husband by 10pm to chat shit!
You need to take it one step at a time at this point. Focus on building your home and stop nagging him about it. He will either gradually detach from the girls as kids come and responsibilities mount or they will get their own men and move on. Either way, keep your spirit up and keep praying for him to change. xx
Meen before I got married to hubby. I made us to cut any opposite sex relationship. Am very jealous oooo.nd no hiding of password. It was a deal before d I do, I do. If in future he tries nonesense ND I find out I will pay back by doing same thing he did. Agreement is agreement. I can't come ND kill myself
ReplyDeleteThis are the things you should have discussed before marriage, my husband use to be like that with his family, he tell his siblings everything until the day I heard him telling his sister my wife is pregnant. That day I sat him down and gave him the length of my tongue, I told him if anything should happen to me and my baby I will deal with him. Meanwhile we just heard his sister gave birth we didn't even know she was pregnant I now told him to keep narrating himself, he should just keep me out of their conversation. I guess his sister putting to bed without him knowing about her pregnancy reset his brain. Now it's every man to himself, when we meet at family gathering we gist and it ends there. Pls sit your husband down and talk things out.we've been married for 12yrs and still counting.
ReplyDeleteWow!! 🙌🙌
DeleteWhat is wrong with him telling his sister his wife is pregnant? Did you not tell your own family? I'll never understand why some Nigerian women hide pregnancy like it's a bad thing. Men don't do this nonsense.
DeleteIf it's because of witchcraft, you think someone who wants to harm you won't do so after you give birth? Paranoid much.
I have three best friends, one female and two Male friends. These men are married and they call me, I call them , we gist and laugh for minutes on phone, we talk about nothing important and also important issues. This is because we have been friends for years and we can't just stop talking simply because they got married. Sometimes when they are at their work station, we talk at night if I'm not sleeping.
ReplyDeleteYou need to calm dow cos you are over reacting. You need to trust your man. Stop giving yourself hypertension simply cos you heard him laughing and chatting happily with a lady on phone. He is human, he had a life before he married you. isnt he allowed to express himself around another female human? As long as he doesn't disrespect you, he shows you love,you haven't caught him in any compromising position, then you have nothing to worry about.
What you should do is be calm, show you are happy knowing he got good friends like those ladies and he will be more open with you about them.dont be too nosey about it. It works trust me.
My man has a particular lady friend. He tells me every damn thing about this lady,he sometimes makes videos of their conversation ,some things he tells me about the friend I'm even surprised cos I feel he should at least reserve that part for his ears only. He knows I wont react jealously, I try to be comfortable with the fact that he has a female close friend. Their offices are close and they sometimes hangout. Sometimes when you give thought to these things that is when evil thoughts will start entering your mind. Just relax as long as you haven't caught him red handed or seen any thing that shows he is sleeping with them.
Wow! Just wow!! Coming from a fellow woman. Okay ooh.
DeleteNo vex if this continues in marriage ooh. 🚶🚶
We have tintomatoe. That is how y'all usually sound till you have your own man; narratives will change in seconds
DeleteWe have heard you tintomatoes. That is how y'all usually sound till you have your own man and the narrative will change in seconds
DeleteStory for the gods. When e happen now, story go change
DeleteAunty, weh done ma. I don't blame you. Its the men that choose to disrespect their wives, since you have no idea what constitutes boundaries where your friend is married.
DeleteTry calling my husband at that time, he will never pick and depending on my mood I may be the one to pick the call and tell you he's busy.
Yes I pick my husbands calls when the thing chop for my head.
He may be cheating and in retrospect you should have weighed your perception of faithfulness with the reality before getting married to him.
ReplyDeleteI'll suggest you think deeply about your reaction and its consequence if you're prooved right that he's been cheating. This will at least strengthen you henceforth as you shouldnt develop high bp because of a man.
Know this however, if you decide to take any action afterwards, you'll forever be disadvantaged as you may have had a child with him then. I also know that if he's as clean as he's confessing, his entire life should be an open book to his wife....there should be nothing secret between the two of you so not been connected on instagram is a red flag.
Poster before now you had friends too just like him,so it's a gradual process to phase them out...I agree on setting boundaries but some people doesn't just care hence a single girl calling a married man by 10pm for what now??
ReplyDeleteHave a heart to heart talk with him and stop poking on him at any given chance,do like you don't care and he will loose guard for you to catch him if truly he's cheating..but the way you're policing him,I doubt you will be to cos he will prolly be over careful now
Does he love you less as he doesn't use your pics on SM? This is none issue dear..stay calm and enjoy your marriage
All the best
cheating on you. I have been there. Any day you are able to see stuff in his phone you will be shocked on the number of nudes from those girl friends. Some husbands are Stupid, shameless and lazy
ReplyDeletePlease concentrate on yourself, ignore most times, be happy and stop looking at his iberiberism
Your husband may not be claiming the status of 'married' to his female friends ooo.
ReplyDeleteMadam cocentrate on ur home and leave the material things of this world, he is giving you everything you want wat else do you want? To be reading chats on his fone? Dont just give ur self high blood pressure, please try and concentrate on ur wedding.
ReplyDeletePoster please chill, your marriage is too young for this take care of yourself and enjoy your marriage
ReplyDeleteIt's not fair what your husband is doing. My wife was like that early in our marriage. One day I told her I will do same. Nobody told her to change. Without quarrel or qualms, just like that. Madam say it, mean it; and do it.
ReplyDeleteMe I don't follow oga on IG, and just recently decided to follow him on Facebook. he rarely posts and I don't even comment on his posts ,I rarely like his posts though. he does same, he doesn't comment on mine or like ...
ReplyDeleteit was out of the blue, he commented on.one of my post, after he saw I catching so.much cruise from secret admirers 🙄 he came to spoil the party. 🤣🤣. other than that, we stay off each other's social media handle...it's life we've built before meeting each other. I feel respect is key here.
Madam Stella has said it all, don't make your home to be toxic.You are a wife, allow him to do whatever makes him happy while you do same.he is not yet your friend and won't be with all this "strokes"you are giving him. spice up your marriage abeg.a wise woman buildth her home,while the foolish scatters it
ReplyDeleteWhy people thinks a person will suddenly change in marriage is beyond me. A married man chatting up females by 10pm! The only thing you can do now is stop complaining. Infant pretend you cannot see. Get your own phone and have a life. Chat with your friends too. Do not waste your tears crying.
ReplyDeletesame thing I said up there 👆🏻.
Deletecall up friends too or get them to call u,gist and do u,see in no time he will adjust.!
Hello friend @Bini aw’s ur day going?
Anon dearie My day has been quite good. Hope u are good❤
DeleteYour husband cannot password his phone and not be cheating or hiding things from you. I am blaming you for getting married a man that has password for his phone. Ordinary phone,imagine a whole lot of other things he is hiding from you. He is cheating. He doesn't respect you and those ladies are there to pepper and frustrate you. So wake up. Emancipate yourself,brace up and build yourself financially so that your exit won't be heartbreaking to you.
ReplyDeleteHe passwords his phone? That's all you need know that oga is hiding something.
ReplyDeleteWake him up like my mother; 3am this night and pour out your heart. Use emotional blackmail, don't sha overly raise your voice. You should also pray for guidance in utterance before you confront him.
'If' there are others, he chose you so that must count for something. God's guidance dear and weep no more.
Sorry to say but even being chosen as the wife doesn't guarantee that the man loves her the most or that he won't leave. You sef u dey talk like say them no dey snatch person husband. Sometimes the wife is a placeholder for another woman that the man really wants because marrying her at the time was convenient or useful to the man.sorry to break it to you but it is the ugly truth. One just has to be prayerful in this evil world. Marriage does not guarantee that you were the ideal choice. Maybe you were just the available or easiest or most affordable choice. Or the man wanted something from you. Just pray to be the true desire of your own husband because my sister e be things.
DeleteSis this isn't an issue. Just tell him you don't like the late night calls after 10pm that it is your time for you guys to bond if he can just reduce that one.
ReplyDeleteThen you too start paying him back in his own coin no time
Poster, i'm not comfortable with a married man gisting with another woman for hours. I think it's disrespectful and if not checked could lead to emotional or actual infidelity. However, my advice (since you've already discussed this with your husband and he sees nothing wrong with it) is keep yourself busy and try to take your mind off this issue. Whether he is cheating with them or not should not be your concern right now until you have found undeniable evidence (don't go looking for it). He has begun to see your complaints as nagging and will make you look like the bad person. Even Stella has assumed that about you already. Do you have friends? Keep in touch with them too but never discuss your marital issues with them.
ReplyDeleteAs for women who spend so much time discussing with married men, na wa for una o. I'm a single lady but even i know it is wrong to spend so much time chatting or calling my married male friends. My closest friends have always been guys but i respected myself after they got married. I think it's insensitive to call or chat with a married friend after 8 p.m. unless it's an emergency. That is time that should be reserved for his wife.
For those saying it's no big deal, IT IS A BIG DEAL. Most married men who become cheats didn't cheat with strangers. It's the so-called friends. And i'm sorry to say but some of our women have zero respect for the sanctity of marriage, even the married ones. They deliberately call this men up because they want to seduce them.
One more thing, Poster. The beauty of a woman doesn't guarantee the faithfulness of a man. Caroline Danjuma is beautiful but we all know the result.
God bless you sis., Your third paragraph is the truth.. and no, you dont have to be sorry. We women should do better. Boundaries matters.
DeleteGod bless you sis., Your third paragraph is the truth.. and no, you dont have to be sorry. We women should do better. Boundaries matters.
DeletePoster for your husband to password his phone means he is hiding something that could break your heart if you see it. He's cheating and most of those girls he is chatting with must be his ex, some of them dont easily leave their ex and making you lose respect in the eyes of the ex even after marriage till it cause problems
ReplyDeleteMy dear wake him up at midnight after praying, tell him you want peace in your home, yell him those things you are not comfortable about
It will surely be well with you
Madam i am a man though married just 3 years, i want to say the worst thing you can do is nag. Your husband needs to learn to respect his time with you. A man who will cheat will cheat. its not by carrying face. you need to look for a good time to talk to him about his behavior. i suggest after sex. And you should arrive at a COMPROMISE. if he insists on entertaining those calls, let there be some restriction. For example, no calls beyond 9pm. If he really values you this shouldnt be too hard for him. Keep your self busy with friends and activities and above all, LOVE HIM and keep your home serene. That will always keep him with you. best of luck
ReplyDeleteReally? You men no dey amaze person
DeleteIt can never be me. It can never happen in our household. It's either me or those girls. You have to choose. It won't even happen in our house.
ReplyDeleteYour husband enjoys those girls company more than yours and he's the one calling them. He's cheating on you sorry.
He clears chats, what is he hiding? You don't have acceas to your husband's phone, what is he hiding?
Here is a sure solution to bring his senses back. Stop asking him about it. Give him I don't care attitude. Start making imaginary calls with bedroom voices as if you are talking to a guy and watch his senses fly back. It worked for my friend. Herhusband is the one begging foe her attention.
My dear your fears are valid. Don’t mind the single girls claiming they have married men as friends when they get married I bet they can’t take it.
ReplyDeleteThis your scenario was same as mine. Before I got married to my husband we were friends on Facebook immediately after introduction guy man Unfriended me and refused to accept my friend request again. Our wedding pictures were not posted too. One of his friend who tagged him to our wedding pictures he asked him to delete the pictures and went on to block him. When I asked him why he said he wanted to keep his family private. He also never used me as his WhatsApp Dp.
He also had so many female friends calling him. Sometimes as early as 7 a.m when we were still cuddling as per newly wedded.I did not see it as anything I will even pick the phone and give him. I felt he had friends before marriage and shouldn’t be discarded because he got married. This rubbish continued till it started bothering me like you . Of course he passworded his phone and was a good husband like I thought.
One day I got a hold of his password what my eyes saw...my heart was shattered.some of those girls never knew he was married. Some of them he was promising them marriage, promising to take care of them and all that.
My dear ignore those saying you are nagging.You know your husband more than we do. We women have a sixth sense when our man is misbehaving. If you think he is cheating and it is a deal breaker for you start giving it to him hot hot.He is married now so he has to drop those his female friends. Ask him how he will feel if tables were turned.
Na from clap it dey enter dance. Some of these men are not loyal
Hardly a man is loyal!
DeleteI know it hurts and can feel your frustration,but the truth is,he doesnt respect you,cos if he does,he wouldn't compromise his attention for you.You are already married and as you said,he is a good guy,so I suggest you try and talk to him and make him understand that he is really hurting you and making you feel less appreciated.Dont ever contemplate with the idea of leaving your marriage,try and work things out with him.Just take it easy my dear.
ReplyDeleteIgnore.
ReplyDeleteA man that will cheat will cheat no matter how nice he is or how beautiful you are. No give urself heart attack, stop policing and trying to change him.
ReplyDeleteThe more you chase a man, the more he flees from you. Get busy, work on yourself, give him reasons to put the phone down. Stop nagging. Let him be. He is your husband not your property. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Beauty don’t cut it dear. Sorry!
ReplyDelete...but why are some people not sensible in this life? What are you calling a married man/woman up for by 10pm, if it isn't an emergency or a one off. What exactly is the motive? When your friends get married, male/female, especially the first five years give them space to bond with their spouses.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, you and your husband need to work on the friendship and communication aspect of your marriage. If you do this and he still persists, then dish it too.
Sometimes people will not understand until they are made to experience the same thing.
A friends husband was doing this one time, he was not cheating (but there was every possibility it would eventually happen, with the way he was going). As late as 11pm, he would be on the phone, having trivial conversations. She did everything in the books and communicated her displeasure. He called her a nag. What we did, i'd deliberately call by 10pm (she would also call too), we would talk till 12midnight. Laughing, happy conversations (most were acts though). It only happened twice, the husband could not take it and began to 'nag' Then he called me to free his wife for him,he said we talk too much at odd hours. I think in that moment, he got the message, and that behaviour stopped.
Poster,stop over thinking things in your head.Don't choke this guy with this your attitude. He chose you over other ladies,so try to trust him. Marriage doesn't mean he won't have friends. Learn to over look some things and enjoy your marriage. Most of those that comment up there are hypocrites,they are facing worst situationships. please,enjoy your home and even befriend these his female friends...ndo ,God is your strength
ReplyDeleteThe fact that he can boldly say he won't drop his female friends even if you are uncomfortable with it. That says a lot about his lack of regard for you. The fact that he married you doesn't mean he would rather not be with someone else sadly. Pretty sure all this hiding of phone has been going on before marriage but women don't pay attention to red flags and this becomes the reason for dissolve of a relationship later. As for the posting of your picture,sorry to break it to you but there are one or 2 ladies that he doesn't want to hurt by posting you. Or he doesn't want them to know he has a wife. Privacy my foot. Good luck dear. You married an inconsiderate disrespectful little boy.hope you stay strong enough to leave instead of collecting red flags through out. And if you stay,I hope your prayer works.
ReplyDeletefrom a young married person , you both should have each other's passwords unless you have things to hide, it just brings a peace of mind in the home,
ReplyDeleteWhy are Nigerian girls always hyping their own beauty? Okwano "I'm very very very beautiful". Sorry, that put me off sha,I won't lie.
ReplyDeleteHow can a couple password their phone and the other party doesn’t know it? If that’s not a red flag for cheating, I don’t know what it is. My wife knows the password of my fone cos I don’t have anything to hide. He’s a cheat, find a way of cracking his password, catch him with evidence and divorce his ass
ReplyDeleteLol!😂😂 I laugh sotey..after reading Stella's reply I nearly piss my pant.😺
ReplyDeleteThis 1 does not know that beauty can't buy love or keep marriage!!!
Go ask Princess Diana😝
Wetin some people no know be say "zoos & animal sanctuaries make millions of dollars yearly from people paying to go look at monkeys, apes & baboons."
What has beauty got to do with it..huh?👀
Sad to see so many marriages not based on mutual respect, unconditional love, friendship for life.
For the fact that ur husband's friend(s) make u jealous/ insecure like this, means that u don't even know him, nor understand him!!!
Silly peoole marrying for all the wrong reasons indeed!
Single and sweet truth boo (because you know) that nigga cheating. You better confront him, ask him why he's locking his phone or has never shown you off. It'll be a huge problem getting pregnant at this time. You're part of the problem by marrying him but you can right your wrongs.
ReplyDelete