STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN THE SCALES FALL OFF
Good day Mrs Stella.
I have been an ardent reader of your blog for sometime. Please I need your red pen and your BVs advice on this my situation.
I have been staying with my fiance during this lockdown but I still go to work (I am a health personnel). I went through his phone (WhatsApp) after suspecting him and a lady he calls all the time. What I saw made my heart bleed.
He has been chatting with this lady since March 2019. He calls her his babe and girlfriend and telling he misses her and can't wait for her to visit him even as I am in his house. We have been dating for 1 year, 7 months and been engaged for 6 months.
I cried my eyes out.
I confronted him about it and he was more concerned about me going through his phone; that he's a man and i should expect to see things when I go through his phone.No apologies, nothing. I am so pained ma'am.
I don't know what to do now. I don't know if I can trust him again. I just want to this lockdown to be over so I can go to my house.
We stay in Lagos. Thanks
*If you can go to work,you can return to your house...
Go home and think things over instead of staying giving him everything easy whiles he is on the phone begging someone else..
Some men dont know what they want!!!
Go home!!!
This is simple
ReplyDeleteHe just told you he is a man ( I'm sure what he truly meant was he can be with you and other women at the same time)
He has just indirectly told you to deal with it, so are you willing to put up with this ?
Your answer to this would guide you in making a decision .
@Chocolait
DeleteAs in he is a vain man, a brat.
And the lady that lived in to serve him cookies
for breakfast and dinner is also vain.
Vain vs. vain = vanities.
Well said. @poster, for your peace of mind pls call off that engagement yes call it off because that man you described up there will cheat to your face in marriage and even tell you after all you know this before you two got married. Marriage is deep, I can't type long epistle as hunger dey wire me but a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
DeleteThat's it. He is unapologetic over what he did and has asked you to deal. Are you ready to deal with this even in marriage? Because he has already shown you what he would be about. The ball is in your court poster. May God grant you direction on the right decision. Sorry you are hurt dear🤗
DeleteThanks Chocolat Noir. That was the same question I asked her. Because If she stays back it shows she has accepted to be disrespected over and over again considering he has already laid his card on the table concerning his promiscuous nature. The relationship is already dead but what do I know? The 'All men cheat group members' are yet to arrive so she can wait it out for more suggestions I think.🤷♀️
DeleteLockdown is partially over. Now you can go home.
DeleteChoco Baibay, saying "he just showed you he's a man" is wrong generalization.
DeleteBeing a man does not mean being an ass that wants to eat his cake and have it.
Poster please go and live in your house..I tell you there is more respect when you are living on your own..Stop staying in a man's house when he is not married to you..Why will I buy a cow when I can have all the benefits for free..He is very wrong because he is a man he should now behave like a randy goat..Not cool at all..
Delete@Perxian
DeleteWhich cake?
Does he have a cake, has he paid
the (bride) price for the "cake?"
Was it not the cake that went forcing herself
inside the dude's mouth?
Cake that is still not baked.
So true @perxian
DeleteAnon 15:39 😂😂😂 what do you mean by "cake that is still not baked "
Delete15:39 eat *forced cake and have it. 😭😭
Delete"He just told you that he is a man" is that how a man should behave? And it was same you that was kicking against generalization.
Delete15:39 🤣🤣🤣.
DeleteHard lesson for "Cake that is still not baked" and the other unbaked cakes that toe the same path.
Perxian, I think Chocolat meant to put the “he is a man” in inverted commas to imply reported speech which he obviously thinks means that he’s free to cheat at will.
Delete@Perxian
DeleteIt was the dough that was being forced into the dude's mouth.
And nobody eats dough.
You see, it's very easy for women to come here and lament everyday about badly behaved men in their lives but you know why it's so rampant? Because many of us expect men to be terrible and badly behaved. We make excuses for them and ave decided that it's the bad behaviour that makes that a man.
DeleteIt's high time we began demanding a certain measure of virtue from men too; don't you think?
@Saphire
DeleteAbsolutely pointless.
Your rant is unfounded.
@Liz
DeleteBride price not paid. She is forcing herself on a man.
The poster came for advice. Pls advice and vamoose. Some of u act like u never passed the night in your fiance place. Even the people that are dry over baked cake ( with paid bride price) are still cheated on.
DeleteDear poster your guy doesn't respect u or the relationship. Pls move on. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage. Learn ur lessons and pls move on. Don't look back. May God strengthen you as your learn to surrender and submit ur next relationship to Him
I feel so sorry for all the ladies on this blog and women of the world. Almost 99.9% of your husbands and fiances are cheating codedly and you may never know - but one day go be one day, you will know and either cry your eyes out or leave the marriage/engagement. Thank God, most women are now financially independent and can take care of themselves and kids. By the way, some married and engaged ladies are measuring up to the men, by cheating codedly too. It is baffling the number of married women in Nigeria cheating with old boyfriends, girlfriends (yes, bisexual girlfriends - PH, Abuja and Uyo are epicentres), work colleagues and bosses, and randomly, for monetary gains or for love/attention - that is missing in their current marriages or relationships. Abeg let me end here. Dont want to talk more.
DeletePls Stella, publish my post/revelations. You can do a separate post on lesbianism amongst married women and ladies in Nigeria- and you will get to here the stories. It is very worrisome now! My revelation will be child's play. Abuja, PH and Uyo are the epicentres.
DeleteThank you Saphire
DeleteThe good news Is you know what you are dealing with. You know you are engaged to an unremorseful cheat. He is cheating before marriage and he will cheat after marriage.
DeleteNow the ball is in your court. Can you cope with infidelity and disrespect at the same time? If you can, go ahead, If you can't, quit the relationship.
You need to leave his place though and go to yours to think things through. All the best.
Oh guys
DeleteNaaah I wasn't generalising I meant by his own idea of the man he is
Him saying he is a man he meant he could do that and get away with it .
Thank you so much 17:30
GO HOME!!!
DeleteAnon 21:33 feel sorry for yourself my man isn't cheating. Give your life to Christ first only then you will understand. I don't mean all those false religious display of holiness. Real salvation in Christ. Not all men cheat. Stop insulting all of them by calling them names. Stop it.
DeleteIf 99% of men are cheats, adulterers then 99% of women are prostitutes. I hope you are happy now? Nonsense!
DeletePoster not all men cheat, don't listen to your fellow women with low self esteem issues looking and hoping to find women like them who have chosen to be suffer-heads in their unhappy marriages. They feel guilty and ashamed for staying with a cheap and sexually immoral man so they try to put the blame on men and guilt-trip their fellow woman into staying with a cheat to excuse their low worth. If you have value and self worth you won't stay with a man who cheats.
Leave that man, have some respect for yourself. Your fellow women married to men who don't cheat does not have two heads.
Stella do not disable my comment. I sent it twice. Give the men on your blog a voice. Let us defend ourselves and rid ourselves of the dirty tag women wants to use force to attach to our skin.
You don't know what to do? I know what you can do, you can stay since you people like to lose your self over a man. Stay o meanwhile he's calling someone else baby haha please stay after the wedding please do not write to SDK we have more pressing issues sho gbo
ReplyDeleteHahahhaa she wants to hear it from our mouth....pls stay and send in your chronicles later we go read am with love
DeletePoster I'm sorry you got treated this way. Your fiancee has no respect for you,SAD TRUTH! Pls go back to your place and think this through.
DeleteYou have to know that whatever you accept now,you should get ready to deal with ×3 when you marry him and you might end up losing your self esteem in the process.
The choice is yours but I dont see a good marriage with a guy who isn't even remorseful about such act. Peace
Poster, I bet you didn't move in with him because of the lockdown! You are in the health sector, you've been going to work. Or did the government say only health workers in your fiances' part of town can go to work?
DeleteYoung lady I understand you have very low self esteem, but it's not too late to build it up. My dear, you cried in his presence yes, made him feel like a demi god, yes. One way or another, he has pushed you and the relationship to the curb. Pick yourself up, dust yourself up and move on to achieve greater success in your career, relationships, finances, marriage and everything else.
Please, learn from all past mistakes...
Listen to what Sdk said, return to your house.
ReplyDeleteMy advice for you is, use your tongue to count our teeth and decide if you are the woman built for this kind of man because I can bet you, there are women specially designed for stupid, irresponsible and way-ward men either as their Waterloo where they get to pay for all the ill-treatment they dished good women in their past or one who won't mind if he is banging a shaved goat in her very presence, yesss, there are such women who will have their own side piece too. And there are women who will even indulge him. We have read on this blog of a woman who goes to hunt for a prostitute for her husband when ever she is in her period.
DeleteSo sweetheart, decide if you can handle it and act in accordance though you are already crying meaning you need to train yourself in the art of chopping and accepting shit so you can be his ideal woman and have a happily ever after.
Poster,the lockdown has been eased ,please go home and think things through ,its obvious that man doesn't value you one bit.
DeleteAny person who can't apologise when they are wrong are heartless.
What exactly are you doing in his house?
ReplyDeleteLiving with a man who has not wifed you, performing wifely duties.
I believe by this evening you are back at your house. You need to protect your dignity. Putting the cart before the horse never worked.
So women that married as virgins or lived separately before marriage, their husbands don’t cheat ? Na wa o
Delete17:09,call evil what it is. There is no justification for carrying on in sin.
DeleteLady T, it works for many many many o. And it has failed many many many. There hasn't been a proven formula that works all the time in the matters of love my sister.
DeleteMy sister got home...as in go home and don't come back. The same thing happened to me with an ex, and he was more concerned that I picked his phone, thank the fact that his "sister" in the east just told me she was his wife.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile right now, oga is formong breakup because I refuse to stay with him during the lockdown. He has refused to commit, but he wants me to stay in his house, cook, clean and sleep with him for free. My dear, I jelly told him bye bye o, i cannot commit to who cannot commit me.
So I'm single again...lol
Aunty Stella abeg help a girl by doing another singles mingle. I'm very ready to mingle.
At least now you know he's not faithful to you and isn't planning to be. If you still want to go ahead and marry him then God's speed.
ReplyDelete@Perxian
DeleteIs the girl faithful to herself and her creator?
Was she not living in and giving this man fornication day and night?
🙆🏻♀️🙆🏻♀️😂 Who is this anon?
DeleteWhose side are you on? 🤣
Clearly on the side of the Lord. (not anon 15:42)
DeleteLol.
DeleteAnon has a point though. If one isn’t faithful to his/her creator, what would be strong enough to keep them faithful to a partner?
As much as we must flee from every form of sexual immortality, let's also remember that it isn't the only type of sin.
DeleteAlot of people shouting that they're on the Lord's side are killers. Yes they kill people with their tongues. They sow seeds of discord and so on .
So please exercise caution correct with love, before you step in as the accuser of the brethren(aka the devil)
Anonymous 21:03 y'all like screaming love this love that... yes, God is love but do not forget that He is also a consuming fire... the bible says a child who the father loves he chastise... not everything has to be sugarcoated abeg
DeleteYou clearly don't study your bible because if you do, you will know that the instructions and things said in the bible are bittersweet and the writers didn't write to please anyone... but it's not your fault, most churches don't preach the entire bible, they only tell you what your itchy ears want to hear... please study your bible, just because someone speaks the bitter truth doesn't make them " the accuser of brethren"
Btw, i am not ano 15:42 or the other anonymous
What was your plan when you snopped on him ? You have gotten what you wanted, thn deal with it.
ReplyDeleteYou checked, you saw and deal with the information ou got, you need no one to advice you.
Don why are you so mean? You ain't nice at all Kilode
DeleteTrifling ass boys energy.
DeleteDon''God must surely pay you in your own coins.
DeleteNever seen a biased man like you.Keep hiding truth always especially when it concerns men and their ways.
RIDE ON
While I don't support the man's action, I agree with Don. Before one snoops, you should expect the worst and plan for it. Do not snoop, get into a confused state and come on SDK blog for advice. You will receive multiple advice and get even more confused.
DeletePoster, there is nothing much to do here just leave him! Period!
Gbam, my motor has always been, Do not ask a question if you are not prepared for all the possible answers. Hope for the best but always prepare for the worst. Before I ask a question, I already know what I will do on whatever the answer is.
Deleteposter the decision is all yours either to stay or walk away. You can move back to your house since you still go to work during this lock down. I want you to know that this is your man way of doing thing and he will never change. Take the best decision that will make you happy.
ReplyDeleteYes, If you go to work, return to your house.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing in the house of a man
that hasn't paid your bride price?
You should first of all learn to trust yourself and not trust yourself unto a man.
Trust yourself, trust your creator and respect your body.
@15:10, best advice, but some dignity on yourselves women, but no, we must die there till we marry... Uwa ojo oo!
Delete👍👍👍
DeletePoster please don't make him further lose respect for you by staying with him.
ReplyDeleteHe hurt you and the least he should have done was apologize.
You deserve to be loved, respected and happy.
Go back to your base and if you are not ready to break up with him, see how he takes your leaving.
Exactly he has lost respect for you.
DeleteTay tay, after six months in his house. Las las he can decide not to marry her.
DeleteLock down in Lagos State has been eased. Go back home today and end that relationship
ReplyDeleteExactly
DeleteGuy man is satiated with the ogbono soup the lady has been serving him during this lockdown. Now he wants fried rice.
ReplyDeleteSorry poster for what you are going through in the hands of your man. His likes shouldnt make you give up on love or generalise all men as scum.
You are a beautiful woman who happens to fall in love with a man who doesnt cherish nor respect you. I will advise you leave his house, keep your head high, look good for yourself, be happy inside-out.
Today, he is despising you, tomorrow he will try to reconnect with you, by then you are already in the loving arms of a better man. Love and pecks to you worthy lady.
So on point...
DeleteThis is right here is so uplifting.. Poster take this advice pls.
DeleteDa Epic Pen excellent comment. You write well too.
DeleteWow. Da Epic Pen, nice and soothing words.
Delete👏👏👏
DeleteSweet words of consolation! Yinmu - Da Epic
DeleteGirl, don't marry this guy.The main chronicle awaits you if you do. You work during this period but you can't go home till corona is over. Las las we knoe you'll still go ahead and marry him. Why am I bothering myself with an advice sef
ReplyDeleteObviously, you stay in the same town. Why do you have to wait till the lock down is over? If you can go to work, why can't you go to your place?
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you know what to do?
You saw messages on his phone that confirmed he is cheating on you and even with his response and attitude, you are still asking what you should do? Don't you know when you are insulted and trampled on? How old are you?
Go back to your place. And not until he apologizes, do not call or reach out to him. If he reaches out to you and apologizes, you can give him a second chance, anything short of that, keep walking and protect your dignity.
Sluttychic.
I also do not understand the 'I don't know what to do part'....
DeleteIs it as per Accommodation or as per relationship?? This guy cheated and isn't remorseful about it yet you don't know what to do?? Okay dear!
Pathetic. No dignity.
DeleteIf he caught her cheating, would he accept apologies and give her e second chance?
18:21, there’s room for forgivenesses/second chances. You are obviously a child.
DeleteWhen adults who have been through life are talking, you sit by the corner and learn.
Bad market! No remorse🙄
ReplyDeleteMy ex boss's girlfriend actually caught him pants down with another girl. He asked her what she was looking for🤣😂. Well she forgave and married the asshole......they divorced after 1 year. It was so bad, she relocated
No don’t go home. Pls stay there. Stay with him you hear? Mumu goat
ReplyDeleteLol @ 15:13. She has claimed title not giving to her already.
DeleteLovelace
Your fellow human (woman), mumu goat? Wow!!!
DeleteCheck it very well, you have done worse in life.
Na see finish dey cause am.. Imagine him saying he's a man so you should expect to see things. No regard for you, nothing. Ona dey try.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... He hasn't married you and he's already making you cry like this. If only he even apologized I would have said you should give him another chance. But he seems really unapologetic. Is this how you plan to spend the rest of your life? Think carefully about this madam
ReplyDeleteThe suspicion upon which this one and half year relationship is built shows it has a porous foundation.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know one other thing that distinguishes it as "dead before arrival," the fact that you "go to work from his house" when you folks aren't married.
Please respect yourself and the sanctity of your womanhood before you
begin to blame a man for your woos.
The moment a marriage bound relationship is steeped in fornication, it is bound to be laden
with mutual suspicions even if it ends up in marriage.
Jesus, the Savior's arms are spread to welcome you and chart a new course of life for you.
Truth be told.
DeleteThey don’t cheat on virgins? You can drop your Christian comments without this unnecessary judgement.
DeleteIt seems karma for fornication and adultery only visit women
@17:12
DeleteI did not write "karma" there. I don't know what you mean by Karma and
how he/she visits. I wrote about Christ and his kingdom and that women should
respect their creator and bodies, do you have a problem with that?
Poster listen to ****15:14.
DeleteMany have made the same mistake like you but you have the opportunity to start afresh by running into the welcoming arms of Jesus Christ. Walk with Christ and discover his plans for your life.
Let go of this man who does not love or honour you.
That man has no respect for you. If you marry him, this cry is step 1, you will cry more. His reaction and what he said to you is my greatestt problem.
ReplyDeleteTiana, you can say that again. No respect for her at all, he isn't even remorseful or bother about how she felt.
DeleteBut I don't blame the guy but the poster who made herself available for a man in the name of fiance..
She's always on his face hence no value. What stops you from staying in your house until the wedding??
You need to discuss with him and know your stand in this situationship.
His audacity and lackadaisical response are mind-numbing. If your house is close by then you should go back home in a second.
ReplyDeleteYou should never marry a man who doesn't have an iota of respect for you. Some would pretend to have little respect for you when caught cheating by pretending to be sober and though that doesn't make the least sense to me because you should respect your woman not only in her presence both also in her absence by not cheating to start with. But still, you can't deny that in the least they tried by putting on a fake act unlike this Don Juan you have the misfortune of dating who is so unremorseful and proud of it.
He has already told you in clear terms what you should expect when you are in a relationship with a cheat like himself so ask yourself are you prepared to handle it?
When GOD shows you who people are
DeleteBelieve them and do the right thing
In this case
Run and don't look back
one chance! He's more concerned with you going through his than the issue you raised. It could be that he does not really love and not into you that much hence flirting with another girl. Dust yourself up and give it a breakand see how things go if you still don't understand where it is heading to break off
ReplyDeleteThis one will so cheat on you eh,no sense of remorse at all...Poster just go home and ghost him,since he does not have sense,dont call it off but keep your options open.Some men eh
ReplyDeleteNow you know and you are still thinking abt it? Women ehhh I swear you gal need your head checked. U have nt completed the marriage process and this happens he is nt remorseful and you want to think abt it... Is OK be thinking you will later come back here to say you wished you HD not. U found 1 wht abt the others what abt how many times this 1 has eating your cassava wht abt his sexual health what abt his lack of emotions even when guilty... You want to think... Be thinking
ReplyDeleteWhy would you go through his phone in the first place?.. It’s an invasion of his privacy. I’m not saying the emotional cheating is right. Women should stop expecting perfection from men. What you don’t know can’t kill you. Things would straighten up eventually.. He was just telling her what she wanted to hear. So relax
ReplyDeleteWonderful!
DeleteWHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN KILL YOU.
DeleteWHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN KILL YOU.
WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN KILL
YOU...
Gosh! I'm so pissed. Poster, you did the right by snooping dear. And with what you've seen and the lackadaisical attitude with which he treated the whole thing is enough for you to walk away. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that it rains everywhere, therefore you should put up with his cheating ass. Moreover, they won't be there when he infects you with STDs and other incurable diseases okay?
Assuming that woman that died of AIDs the other time snooped on her cheating husband, she would have saved her life by taking good care of her health. But nah, the idiot man knew, he got infected by his Mistress, started taking the drugs and left the woman to die! Did she deserve that? Now, pick your things, go back to your house, save the little respect he has for you and dump his cheating ass. Namsense
You see this reply poster. Men will always be men.Obviuosly you re one of the cheats we talking about
DeleteHey Rhoda, na you write epistle like this ?!
DeleteFirst of its kind..
The matter touch you for neck o
😜😜😜😜😜
Go home
ReplyDeleteGo home
Go home
Go home
Is it difficult?
Why do some ladies find it so easy to cheaply
move in and live with a man?
How cheap you make yourself in his eyes is how cheaply
you will be treated. 😏😏😏😏😏😏
Thank you,i was asking my friends about this just yesterday.what happened to your house,why are you living with a man,that,has not married you in front of God and the law.something, might seem ok , but the repercussion is not here oo.
DeleteSorry about r heartbreak dear,just move d f**k on already,he ain't shit,love will find you,thank your stars you even got a job
ReplyDeleteWow! I'm speechless.. but like Stella said, please go home & probably stay away for a while but I don't think you're willing to let go. Make him marry you then..abi??
ReplyDeleteWe know most men cheat,but the fact that he wasn't remorse about it is a NO for me. Secondly if you go leave with a man for a long without being married to him create rooms for things like this. Try not to take drastic decision,most ladies including myself has gone through this phase,we didn't die but summoned the courage to walk away.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete*If you can go to work,you can return to your house...Thank you Stella,you spoke my mind.
Hmm!some men sef o. Ngwa lock down is over oya return to your house, take him out of your mind. Ignore him for now, if he returns to his senses and comes for you, My sister runnnnnn as fast as you can. He has said it all "he is the man" this man go bring woman come house when you go work o.
ReplyDeleteThis man obviously doesn't care about you or your emotions. I am not team snoop and I equally detest it when people expect a man to cheat and believe all men cheat. If i were in your shoes, I will be writing this chronicle from my house and would probably have ended things with him.
ReplyDeleteMy sister manage am like that. Who tells you that the next man is a saint? Cheating is not new anymore, unless you want to remain single.
ReplyDeleteBut for now go back to your house and see his reaction.
@ anon 15:34, so being single is now a crime, ba!
Delete😜😜😜😜😜
DeleteI am sure he is also in the ‘traditional’ man WATS app group. I know the engagement is like a big deal but whatever he says and holds right now will be the same in marriage. He will not change. So decide if you can stomach this.
ReplyDeleteSo sad for you. Dn't allow any man to treat you like a second class citizen. You are too important to be messed up. He thinks he's doing you a favour by planning to marry you. The ball is in your court.
ReplyDeleteSOME men MIGHT cheat at some point in a relationship (whether marriage or courtship) , but surely, you don't want to marry a man that will cheat to your face, express no remorse and tell you that by virtue of having a pen**, he has the right to keep jumping from bed to bed.
ReplyDeleteSurely, you don't want to end up with an arrogant, disrespectful man whore!!!!
You read the post of men sleeping with their house helps right? That will just be the beginning of your tale, he will treat you as a fool and make it clear that he has no respect for you.
For me, there is no snooping, cuz I told my boyfriend that we both own his phone. So he can't even create an issue out of me touching his phone, instead, he ensures there are no questionable conversations on his phone, because he MUST explain and if it is unsatisfactory, we might need to review the relationship.
Meaning you bought the phone your boyfriend is using?
DeleteYou try, you both own his phone but not yours? I am just wondering. If I have access to my man's phone, he should have equal access to mine. That's what I call mutual respect.
DeleteAnon 15:59. He MAKES sure there is nothing questionable?? You are Not wise.
DeleteI like you ♥ 15:59
Deleteplease go home and think over your relationship with him, ask yourself this question"Does he worth my tears?. it is better now than sorry later
ReplyDeleteplease go home and think over your relationship with him, ask yourself this question"Does he worth my tears?. it is better now than sorry later
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with you ladies?where is your brain? Yiu literally caught a guy cheating and you are asking what to do, you cant trust him bla bla bla....he is an unapologetical cheater, you need to leave his behind....
ReplyDeleteDont tell me you are worries because he gave you lord of the rings...this man will no change, I repeat he WILL NOT CHANGE.
Calm your tits down..
DeleteCheating isn’t a deal breaker for everyone.
She shouldn’t have snooped. He shouldn’t have reacted that way.
Poster please go to your space and relax.. you’ve been working while other have been home.. show yourself some tender love, some care for your bleeding heart ..Cry if you want too but remember that You are enough. You contain all the joy and love you would ever need and try to process your emotions and thoughts.. journal if you want.. You need clarity.. it’ll guide whatever decision you make on this..
I love your comment aunt stellina..go home mbok
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is no saint ( I can't vouch for a man), but he says to me, 'babe I know that any day I cheat, you will walk away'. Each time he says this, it gladens my heart, because I believe that knowing that I wouldn't settle, MAY keep him on his toes, even though it may not entirely shield him from cheating on me.
ReplyDeleteAnytime I try to throw the 'all guys cheat' line, he tells me not all men cheat, he tells me about a few of his senior friends who have been married for years and have never stepped out on their wives. It just gives me hope that he is at least WILLING to get it right, that he has good mentors and examples he looks up to when it comes to marriage, even if he might not always get it right ( so far, I haven't had a reason to worry).
My point? Your man has told you his priorities : He will cheat for as long as he can and he will make no effort to stop or hide it. The question then is this : Can you deal till death do you part with an unrepentant, cheating scum? If yes, go ahead. If no, as difficult as it may be, please take a walk.
When dating/courting, people always tell us who they are, often we ignore it, or EXPECT a change unreasonably.
Undergoing a wedding ceremony where you are both proclaimed man and wife, doesn't automatically cure lust and unrestrained sexual depravity as well as other flaws, weakness and indulged passions,if anything, it magnifies it.
Lady, the ball is in your court!!!!!!!!!
Do not let the fear of starting afresh, the time invested in the relationship and some other inconsequential considerations guide your decision making.
No one enters a bad marriage and remains the same. It damages you, even if you are lucky to break free.
Wow! You deserve a standing ovation!
Deletethank you for this comment 🙏.
DeleteDear poster, it's as if you wrote about my experience. I used my boyfriends phone to call a friend who was abroad because my phone was bad at the time, I don't know what pushed me to check a particular whatsapp msg. At first it was an innocent chat until i saw nude pictures the girl sent to him, he even told the girl the pics weren't clear enough. I almost collapsed because i was already 3 months pregnant at the time. This is someone that made me feel he isn't cheating. He is on the phone with me everytime,videos calls every day and night till he falls asleep so i couldn't imagine him cheating. I confronted him and his response was me checking phone and not even what he did. He didn't talk to me throughout that day till morning. He was still sleeping when i had my bath, packed my box and said i was leaving, that's when he realized i was serious. He explained that he hasn't had sex with the girl bla bla bla. We had a big issue and he said he wasn't interested in the relationship again and would take care of his child when he/she is born. I let him be. I put to bed a beautiful baby girl on the first of April. When he saw that i moved on without bothering him, my parents didn't ask him why he wasn't interested in the marriage anymore, he used his legs to come back and i have been distant emotionally from him. I forgot to add that he accused me of getting pregnant intentionally. This is someone i knew growing up, that i refused to date cos we were neighbors. He started asking me out while i was in ss3 ie since 2004 and i eventually said yes in 2017. I trusted him cos we were family friends, never expected him to behave the way he did. I leave everything to God anyways. Can't say everything sha but life must go on
ReplyDeletehope you have repented of fornication and given your life to the "God you are trusting everything to".
DeleteYes, truth is you were too forward for going to his house to sleep over and get pregnant.
Allow a relationship to develop. Allow the man to do the chasing and pay bride price.
Ahaaaaaaaaaaa! After that, if you like spread your legs to elastic limit and collect 20 babies at once.
That is only when you have respect before that man.
18.40 I doubt if Jesus the son of God would respond the way you just did to this comment.
DeleteYour comment comes of as holy arrogance.
Men are born hunters madam.it won't be easy but try to be scarce a little bit, you are too available hence the attitude towards you...at this stage make him do the chasing again.Dont marry him until you are sure of his love and commitment,xcept you want marriage by all means.90% of Nigerian men flirt.Dont break up just yet.
ReplyDeleteSuch generalisation. You just have flieted with 90% of them to know this.
DeleteThe red flag for you here is the boldness in ‘ I am a man’ with no apology. Even men who beg turn out worse later so in marriage expect this to escalate a million times worse and also in other areas of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteSo are you ready and able to cope? Your choice.
Dear Poster, if you go ahead and marry this man , pls be prepared for the worse. He would not change and you would be miserable in your marriage. I’m in your shoes and what you narrated up there happened to me just two months to my wedding. I brought it here and lots of people told me to leave but guess what ? I still went ahead and married him . If you marry this man , you would suffer lot of emotional abuse , he doesn’t love you and can afford to lose you . Do not walk into this with your eyes wide open, but if you are strong enough to overlook and ignore then u can go ahead with him . I wished I had backed out then and I regret every decision I took to marry a serial cheat, pls do not put yourself in a fix. PLEASE LEAVE and DO NOT look back .
ReplyDeletePoster this right here will be you in a few years if you marry this man but I have a feeling you will go ahead.
DeleteI believe I know you. You wrote in on IHN narrating how you caught him cheating (through WhatsApp). I believe you left your pin and we chatted. I told you I wouldn't go ahead if I were you and you said, asoebi is out, family, etc. I later saw your pictures and shook my head. It's sad to read this outcome.
DeleteSee your life, just to be called "Mrs".
DeletePeople like you and this poster already know what you're going to before coming here.
Una be goat, suffer no dey tire una
@anon 17:37 oh wow, I think I know who you are. When you sent in your story, I added you up on BBM and begged you for days as if you are my sister but you insisted your asoebi was out ,you are the first daughter and cannot bring disgrace to your family by calling off the wedding etc. I finally had to let you be and when I saw your wedding pictures ,I remember being so surprised. I pray God makes a way for you and helps you. How some of you see hell and walk right into it never ceases to amaze me. To single ladies out there, please this is not the blueprint for all marriages, there are honest and faithful men who would not let you spend your nights in turmoil. Wait for the man God has ordained for you and flourish.
Delete#fireandice
Stella your advise finish work. Kudos!!!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are wasting your time. That poster is not going anywhere. She will die there, and then send in more marriage chronicles later.
ReplyDeleteExactly! Check anon 17:37 after the advice here see her mini chronicle
DeleteDon't mind them.
DeleteMost of them dint need advice, for her coming to ask mean she's not leaving the guy.
Go home.
ReplyDeleteBabe the handwriting is already written on the wall. He is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode
ReplyDeleteYou can't come and kill yourself.Break up with him before he infect you with sexual disease
ReplyDeleteDeal with it, if the guy is good to you up to the point you got engaged why snoop. Now you know what did you do?
ReplyDeleteBelieve he has shown you his true character. Some men believe it's a man birthright to cheat and only one who truly fears God will show remorse and choose to be faithful. If you want a lifetime of peace end this relationship now. Some men will even stop when engaged out of fake respect but this one wey no even slow down my dear he is chronic. I also hope you are not the one forcing yourself on this guy cos some babes Sabi gum body. If you are just check it for future relationships. When a guy is ready for marriage you don't need to do too much. Pls be wise. Pkele oh
ReplyDeleteStella's red pen is right.
ReplyDeleteThe next time you pack up to go to work, pack all your things and return to your own home. There's no need to inform him that you're going and definitely no need to return to that relationship.
The man does not love you, does not respect you and does not value you nor does he value your relationship. Instead of staying in that house and playing house girl and sex worker, please go home. Face your work and pray to God to heal you. Ghost him completely. Do not answer his phone calls. Do not speak to his family or friends or anyone begging you to return to that relationship. Thank God for this gift of clarity, before you jumped into a relationship/marriage that will further demean and disrespect you.
I've been there before, and everything in you wants him to act right and beg you to show that he didn't waste your time. Let me make it plain for you, he did waste your time, you invested in a relationship that yielded dust. Don't wait any longer, MOVE ON. Don't waste your own time this time around. Leave him and make room for the real man that God has for you.
Please believe that everything works together for your own good, you finding out is for your own good. This relationship ending like this is for your own good. Your future is bright. Everyone deserves a relationship where there is love, respect and honor. Walk away, stop crying. You've been saved
Poster, for a health personell you are a bit slow in comprehension! you said you don't know if you can trust him again,news flash:he don't give a FU*K!
ReplyDelete