Hmmmmmmm.......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED WOMAN
Hi Stella, please keep me anonymous.before I start I just want to say I love you and you are doing a great job, well done ma. And to your brutally honest Bvs, you people are simply the best.
I'm 34 years, single and working, I just broke up from a 3 year relationship because he doesn't want me to work, he wants a stay at home mum, and i am a career, ambitious woman, he is everything I want in a man, but I painfully have to let go.
So for like 3 months now, I met an Italian man, he is based in Rome, Italy,he is Nice, caring and generous but he is short and i am petite and of average height. My ex is very tall and I admire and Like them tall.
Now, this white man has proposed marriage and coming to see my family properly after lockdown.
My problem now is first, I don't know anything about Italian men, culture and marriage and will like to hear people's view, that is if I accept to marry him. and I don't know what is like marrying a white man.
Secondly, is it advisable I quit my job and join him? My job pays well, tho its on contract basis
Thirdly, I think about the height issue, but I don't know if it should be a problem.
Thank you
Pls I need your red pen
Hi Stella, please keep me anonymous.before I start I just want to say I love you and you are doing a great job, well done ma. And to your brutally honest Bvs, you people are simply the best.
I'm 34 years, single and working, I just broke up from a 3 year relationship because he doesn't want me to work, he wants a stay at home mum, and i am a career, ambitious woman, he is everything I want in a man, but I painfully have to let go.
So for like 3 months now, I met an Italian man, he is based in Rome, Italy,he is Nice, caring and generous but he is short and i am petite and of average height. My ex is very tall and I admire and Like them tall.
Now, this white man has proposed marriage and coming to see my family properly after lockdown.
My problem now is first, I don't know anything about Italian men, culture and marriage and will like to hear people's view, that is if I accept to marry him. and I don't know what is like marrying a white man.
Secondly, is it advisable I quit my job and join him? My job pays well, tho its on contract basis
Thirdly, I think about the height issue, but I don't know if it should be a problem.
Thank you
Pls I need your red pen
I am also confused...
You left your dream man because he wanted you to leave your job and now you want to leave your job to be with someone who is not your dream man...
You say he is going to see your parents after lockdown and then you say that is if you accept to marry him....Is he not going to see your parents because you said yes?
You said you are 34?You quoted your age because you feel you are not getting any younger right?When you are ready to Marry,you will marry anyone who who comes your way and you wont have a choice...
The truth is that whether white,black,blue or green,marrying someone out of your race,nationality is a big risk,a gamble.....like every marriage is...
There is no handbook to a successful marriage because what works for one might not work for the other....
Use the Internet and read about the Italians and their culture,their type of food and all...
Most importantly,if you want to Marry a white man,do not enter the Marriage with entitlement mentality,he owes you nothing and he will leave if you put any kind of financial pressure on him or if your family demand what he is not used to giving ......
Marrying a white man feels like heaven if you marry a good one.
Good luck with your choice oh...
Stella Nwanyioma, make I follow you hmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteShe said she will quit her “job” and move not her “career”. The first guy wants her never to work again and be a stay at home wife and mum. If she quits her job in naija she can still get a new one in Italy, her career has not ended.
DeleteI went in a vacay/European tour last year, and all I can say is that Italians were the kindest I encountered.
DeleteContd, they are close to Nigerians in caring, if they see you cold, they'll definitely give you their jacket.
DeleteThey are that kind
Anon 15:39, you are right about her quitting a job and not halting her career.
DeleteWhat the poster should have in mind is that when she moves to Italy she will have to learn read, write and speak the language before she can even be thinking of working and having a career.
These are things I would want to believe she has discussed with him before all the talk of coming to see her people after the lockdown.
I have issues with the 2 men.
DeleteThe first wants you to be a stay at home mum, why? What about your dreams? What about your ambition and fulfillment as a human being? That one hasn't married you and he is telling you,you can't work. Dude is controlling and selfish. He is definitely not a catch and I doubt you will be happy with him.
As for the Italian man, I think 3 months is too short. We are talking marriage here not dating where you can opt out in a flash.
Can you get to know this man better? Like do background checks, how do you know he is not violent or even a criminal in Italy? Has he been married before? Does he havs kids? Has he got anything to hide? Is he an alcoholic etc? How well do you know him?
Living abroad with a horrible partner is the worst thing ever esp. when you have no family around to support or run to.
You need to seek God's face and do not rush into marriage. Take your time and think this through. A life time decision should not be made in a hurry.
All the best.
Abroadian BV
Anonymous 17:04 you are the mvp. Poster you need to know him well before jumping into marriage. No be as e dey sound, no be so e dey sweet. Best of luck
DeleteWhat if he's a sex trafficker? Have you ever stopped for a split second to think of that? Italy is sort of like the headquarters of such in Europe.
DeleteYou say the Nigerian guy is your dream man, and yet you broke up with him. What exactly is your definition of 'a dream man please?'
You seem carried away by his race and the fact that he's 'abroadian', and seem willing to give up everything just for that cause - for a guy you've only known for just 3months.
Chekwaa ya eche ofuma (think this your decision through, think it through), before you make a 'grave' mistake.
Listen to Anon 1704. Italian men are great but they are also flirts and womanisers. They can also be mamas boys and his family members may not receive you well. Also, some of them love anal and they like to do it with black women. Can you cope with a leaky ass after. few years? Sorry to be so crude but I have to be blunt with you.
DeleteHow many times have you been to Italy, have you met his parents, siblings, extended family, been to his place of work to see him during his lunch time? Is he a Christian or Muslim and have you been to his place of worship?
DeleteMy dear poster I live abroad and il never advice you to marry anyone without spending a bit of time with them and knowing them, marriage is hardwork.
You're considering going to a country where a different language is being spoken.
Please pray and think well, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
Poster, if you can get a work leave so that you can travel and spend time with him just to see how things goes. See if you can cope with him, his family and his country. Good luck.
DeleteStella, marriage is heaven if u marry a good man from any race, not just white men. My polish friends who are married to their fellow polish, na so so problems. They are like slaves in the marriage. Same goes to my German friend who married an Italian, the girl really suffered in that lazy man’s hand. Good people are good people regardless of their race. I think three months is too short to be thinking marriage, but what do I know??
DeleteStella raised a valid point regarding the job issue. Unless you aren't telling us the full story about your Ex.
ReplyDeleteSeriously she left something out because that first guy seems like an ideal man unless he is violent, jealous or possessive and controlling. That is the only thing that comes to mind because a man that wants you to work from home is a blessing o. Too much work and hustling ages women fast and makes them bitter, It is better to marry who can do the suffering inside traffic and working late hours for the whole family so that you as a woman can focus on maintaining the house, kids, maintaining your looks and then if you want to do any business or make your own money you have freedom and peace of mind to do that without any office oga breathing down your neck
DeleteI just hope she didn't leave her ideal man because if abroad. Well, if she did it is her choice, so she would live with the outcome.
DeleteVery correct.
DeleteThe Nigerian guy wants her to give up her career and be a stay at home Mum, this other one, she can always get a job if she relocates🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
DeleteSo it's not the same thing
@Cookie
DeleteDid the white guy tell her that she can get a job and work?
This is pure assumption. Supposing she gets there and the white guy
says, you have to stay at home, what happens?
That "relocation" is the intoxicant for all of you. Period.
I am equally as confused as the 2 of you, too!
Delete@Poster, just because you are a stay-at-home mum DOES NOT mean you cannot earn a living! My mum is a perfect example of that. She was an "oga at the top" when she resigned from her company 31 years ago, to have me. Since then, she has had multiple streams of income.
Relationships and marriage are about a fair compromise, so why not set some rules with the Nigerian?
You could have him agree to pay you the equivalent of your current salary (adjusted to inflation) every month. He should pay this in advance (quarterly, bi-yearly or yearly). This money should be irrespective of the household running costs. Use that ambition to invest that it into whatever venture/s you deem best!
A friend of mine got married in mid-2016 and is a stay-at-home wife/mother. Even though she does not work, she has a cook/housekeeper/driver/gardener/24 hr security! Since having her son in late-2017, they have added a nanny to the mix. If the Nigerian can afford it, why not set up a similar dynamic, and use your free time to your advantage?
Through this Corona virus pandemic, we have all come to realize that one does not have to go to an office, Monday to Friday, from 8am to 5pm, to make money! Some of the biggest earners I know did not even go to an office much, before the lock-down. They do their business via phones, laptops, and tablets.
Miss e,some people have dreams,goals, aspirations,your mom is not a yardstick
DeleteWhat's the guarantee she will even get a job in Italy? One she doesn't speak the language. 2. Their economy is on its last legs because of covid. 3. What does she know about the guy except for height? The naija man sounded better ojare
DeleteThis poster will be the one feeding this Italian. Most Italians I know depends on African women, cos they know most are desperate. Most Eastern European men are also like that
DeletePoster, have you prayed to God for guidance?
DeletePlease, forget the Italian guy - too soon, too many grey areas.
I'll advise you go back to your Nigerian boyfriend and have a heart to heart talk.
Find out his reasons and terms for you to be a stay-home mom.
It could be for a period so you could have children and raise them to a certain age before you go back to work.
You could still work and earn from home.
Poster, don't rush o so it won't be like jumping from frying pan to fire. I am even confused on your behalf. Maybe it's because I personally don't like white people. (The complexion tho) I love my dark skinned men laidat.
ReplyDeleteI dont even understand you, you still get to give up on the same job.
DeleteMaybe you haven't found the right one for you.
I really dont think you have found the right one.
DeleteAfter just 3months, what do you know about him, you dont even seem to love him.
Yall would make cute babies sha.
Italians are actually like Africans, they take family very serious.
When he is a Nigerian man, tall, her specification, loves him too much ...she becomes a "very ambitious career woman?"
ReplyDeleteAn Italian white man shows up; short, doesn't like his size, doesn't know him and his people, he utters marr...
fiaaaaaaaaaaaam! She is "considering resigning and joining him?"
Wow! Nigerian ladies aren't even putting up any pretense at all when it
comes to their disdain for lovely Nigerian men and worship of whites and abroad.
So on what basis are you considering the "short white man?"
I am confused here, please explain to us.
🏔🏔🏔
DeleteRelax. your self esteem is too low. I think there is more to the nigerian guy she is not saying. Usually when some naija guys want u to stay home they want to control you, make sure you are useless to yourself so that you cannot be independent and run away. They don't even want u to start business. So just cus some men say stay at home/work from home/ do business does not mean they want the best for you. .Now maybe the italian guy is more understanding and to be honest more tender than her Nigerian ex, Maybe he sees the real her and is more emotionally in tune with her needs. Small things like that matter too you know
DeleteAnon 3:33, one chilled stout for you. I was looking for the person wey get number 6.
DeleteEhen poster, you are petite but he is short,lmao.
You are both short honey.
Since it doesnt bother him, do the needful
@15:33
DeleteYou are talking trash. The lady wants to go abroad.
She has said yes to the man and he is coming to see her people.
Whether he is a dwarf or not, she doesn't care. Same way she doesn't
care about her career and ambition anymore.
Anon 15:33, you may very well be right, but we can only give advice based on the story thr poster gives. I won't be smart to make assumptions. If there are more to it, the onus is on the poster to tell us and not we assuming.
DeletePoster, you know very well that you don't love the white guy, although you people have not stay long. Oyibo man no dey do fake love. I don't think you can tolerate this man based on your story. Please think again , you have seen your ideal man. You can do some job or business in your house, even online. Abi you never want marry?
DeleteI quit my 3 year relationship because of my job.
ReplyDeleteWTF I am going to quit my job because of a 3 month relationship.
BTW my ex was my dream man but my muzungu is short.
What should I do? BTW the job is a contract job so meh 😑
🤣🤣🤣🤣 you're hilarious.. Chronicle in a nutshell....
DeleteAnonymous, you're not Nigerian or you're a Nigerian who speaks Swahili language.
DeleteThat word Muzungu means a white person or a Caucasian
lmao@ Muzungu. So Ugandan
DeleteOr zim
Delete1000 llkes @ Stella's Red Pen..
ReplyDeletePoster,Stella's Red Pen well written..Go wirh her advice...
So, you left your dream man because you're a career woman and because you don't want to quit your job and become a house wife, but, you're willing to quit your career life for an Italian man (I don't really care about his height) whom you have only known for three months.
ReplyDeleteNow I understand why ANG always hammer on how some Nigerian women will loss all their senses when they hear about or see obodo oyinbo man.
You better be careful of your decision.
Italian men, I heard are good men, but they have culture and traditions too, that you might not be comfortable with at the long run.
But its possible the white man is willing to let her continue working even outside the country, while the Ex wanted a housewife.
DeleteSha reason am well poster. You need to be sure it's what you want. Ask questions about their beliefs and culture.
All the best...
Leaving certainty for uncertainty. This life ehh
DeleteYou guys miss the point. It's not about a particular job. It's about being a working wife and mother.
DeleteHer ex doesn't want her to work.
If she joins the Italian, she'll get another job. He will let her have a career.
I don't care about men that will not let their wives work. That's controlling. It's stripping a woman of all powers, turning the woman into a semi slave. Imagine depending on a woman for all your financial needs.. sorry.
In addition, staying home all the time is not a joke. We 'tested the microphone' in this lockdown.
Italians are very vindictive too, very aggressive like African men, just know you can't try shit with him. Them no be mumu oyinbo
DeleteOriyun, that's a generalization. I'll give you a reason why. If a foreign person has only dealt with people from one region of Nigeria, won't that person be wrong to assume all Nigerians behave like those he has related with? Let's be more thoughtful when we attempt to generalize.
DeleteThere's a difference,she could quit her job and still work when she relocates to Italy,the Italian man isn't preventing her from working but the Nigerian man is totally against her working,he wants a stay at home wife.
DeleteI hope the Italian is not one chance.
DeleteWhere's ANG though? I miss her.
@Mrs A post covid Era and job finding in a foreign land with a different lingua franca may just mean her beenna stay home mum in the long run.
DeletePoster, you know what you want to do, since you have already accepted him coming to see your folks, you have made your choice.
Am out
Poster you dont sound like you love the Italian man atal. I think you are considering the fact that you are getting old thats why you want to manage him since he is the only one available at the moment.
ReplyDeleteDont marry soneone you dont love
Poster you don't even love that Italian man nor find him attractive.. Is that not dead on arrival? Why are you even considering this? Just be patient.. The next one might be it
DeleteWho leaves a 3 yrs relationship with an ideal man because she may end up a stay home mum for a 3months relationship with a non ideal foreign man loaded with so much uncertainties all because of fear of marrying late. Mind you both men seemingly requested her hand.
DeletePoster get wer iij n she dey find wey she never talk completely.
I wish her well.
Am out
Adeola,👏
DeleteSo you prefer short Italian "mafia" to
ReplyDeletetall good Nigerian guy?
Girl you are rudderless.
Are Nigerian ladies this bereft of values?😏😏😏😏
Lmao short Italian mafia😂😂
DeleteSo she should throw away her career and ambitions cos She wants to marry a tall Nigerian man?
Delete@Chummy
DeleteSame career and ambitions she is throwing away to marry the giant Italian man?
Cut out those pretense and call a spade by its name; greed, abroad.
So relocating means she is throwing her career and won’t work in Italy? She is relocating doesn’t mean she won’t work! The Nigerian man doesn’t want her to work, there’s a difference
DeletePeople in Italy are running to other European countries, cos there are no jobs.....This woman just want to travel abroad
DeleteDon't marry anybody because you don't know what you want. You don't even know yourself. You are ambitious so you left a man that wants to stifle you BUT under 3 months you want to stifle yourself for a man that you know nothing about his culture, nationality and you are not even physically attracted to. You are your own problem. If your age was an issue, why didn't you marry your ex? You are confused my G. Focus on knowing yourself and what you want before going into any relationship. Leave marriage for those that are ready.
ReplyDeletePoster you fuck up, you could had marry the first man bcz he has all you desire in a man. Even he doesn't want you to work, you can go for business. The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know. I wish you good in whatever choice you makes. Pls if there is anyway you can come back to your ex, I think its better.
ReplyDeleteNo I wont advice that..What she calls a dream man is relative here..If a man cannot support my career then we have no business..She made a good decision..I pray that man God has made for her will locate her...
DeletePhoenix, the poster called him her dream man. You are stating your position "If a man cannot support my career then we have no business", while I agree with you on that, remember that this post is about the poster and not us. So if she calls him her dream man then let's call him that.
DeleteThis your advice no follow at all..... Kai!!!
DeleteDream man that doesn't want her to work is that one a dream man. After going to school for 4/5 years, she will stay home procreating and getting frustrated.
DeleteA man who loves his wife will support her dreams as well.
You want to buy pad, makeup, pant, make your hair, register in a gym, you have to go to your husband.
What happens If DH is under financial pressure and starts to rub it in your face thus making you feel worthless?
You can't buy gifts or send money to your parents without going to your DH!
What If DH loses his job/business is down or he is incapacitated?
Some stay at home mums have to steal from the home up keep or inflate kids school fees or allowance before they can make their hair.
Italian man is a No No whilst the naija dude is a control selfish freak.
Abroadian BV
Please permit me to say that there is a manual for marriage and for this life. That manual is called the Bible. It has Old and New Testaments and in it, the mystery of marriage
ReplyDeleteand life is explained.
"Marriage is a mystery but I speak of Christ and the Church" Ephesians 5:32
Just like of you have gadgets in your houses that you use for years without ever bothering to open the manuals,
same way a lot of us have lived for
decades without ever opening the Bible. They grope about and blunder about through life
making one blunder after another.
This is the confusion I perceive in this poster's life.
Marriage is indeed a mystery. Very few people understand this.
DeleteThis is what happens when you're confused about what you want in life.
ReplyDeleteLet me read, I have my own issues ok that confuses me.
Poster no matter what please do not marry any man that does want you to work.
ReplyDeleteYou seem not to know much about the said white dude, it is of great risk entering marriage like this. That he is white doesn't guarantee you will have a happy home with him. What do you really want?
ReplyDeleteHave you talked about the chances of getting a good job in Italy??? Italy is kind of struggling in finances this period, nobody knows what will happen after lockdown.
ReplyDeleteThen if you don’t like his height, pls do not accept his proposal oooo. I also don’t like short men
Same way a lot of men don't like talkative women.
DeleteHahahaaaha, ������������
DeleteStella can be sooooo blunt about the truth!!! I love her a lot for this. At 34 and you still don't know what you want in life? You cannot even know that at 50 years. If you love them tall, why lead a short man on?Why didn't you bring up your ambitious nature early with your ex before the proposal stage? You seem to like to waste your own time. And you seem to be so obsessed with a 'white man', Nne, they don't think like black men and owe you next to nothing. Please just grow up and be guided.
ReplyDeleteNone of them is your husband.
ReplyDelete😜😜😜😜😜
Delete@Ellaelle
DeleteYou are telling a Naija girl that an abroad man is not her husband, you love your life so?
If you can talk to your "dream man" about working and getting to understand that you want to be a career woman will be nice if he accepts but I don't think he will because he wants a stay at home woman or he is threatened by you or career women.
ReplyDeleteIf you love the Italian enough,fine,but if you don't,there will be a problem as their culture is quite different from ours.
The height sometimes might not really affect all your children except if none of you have height in the family.
Follow your heart and ask God to lead you.
The first guy seems like a catch. Honestly that is the kind of man I want. The one that can take care of me to where I do not have to suffer in traffic to go and work 9 to 5 for one ungrateful wicked oga to pay me one meager salary. With that kind of man he will bring in majority of the funds while I handle my online business, stay fresh and youthful. He is rare o and you are trashing him like that. O ma se o., Many Nigerian men are lazy and looking for who to use for money so that when they get comfortable they can dump her for his true spec. Abeg the tall guy is it o. I wonder if SDK can link me with someone like that. Seriously working from home and being my own boss is the ideal job for me. I realized during the lockdown.
ReplyDeleteI tell you,he is a catch except he has other ugly traits that she isn’t saying but if he is doing well and generous then she threw a good person away. So many male gold diggers and you meet a real man willing to take stress of you and you run? I tap into such a man who wouldn’t want be over labored and exhausted. I know there are many many things to do from home
DeleteJust take your time and analyse everything,talk to God in prayer..
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteAs for the Italian man why not google Yahoo answers or watch all those interracial youtube couple videos. From what I heard Italians in Italy can be very racist, but a lot of their men secretly have a fetish for black women. Actually many European men have a fetish for black women. Some actually take it a step further and marry and settle down with black women . So it depends on your guy. Maybe you could be lucky and his family may be open minded to you. From what i see in movies and what I also hear Italian men are very hot, passionate and family-oriented. Height is not a big deal as far as I am concerned unless you are short already. But sha any woman looking for a serious husband material should be willing to overlook physical appearance and focus more on how the man cherishes you, can he provide for you esp. financially and can he protect you? Any man can be fine hot sexy tall. It takes a real man to bring in majority of the bacon and go out to do the hardwork while u focus on your youth, your independence, your business if you want. But sha u said u are career lady so I don't know. The first guy seems to be a catch unless there are some facts u left out like maybe he is controlling, abusive or violent.
I hear say oyinbo preeq no dey big and it's soft unlike their black counterparts, hope you are not a sex freak cos they can't hit it hard like Naija guys. I remember a friend of mine who arrived from Dublin, I asked her why she didn't settle for a white man and she told me in her words"naa tohtoh DRM sabi suck, them no sabi the main thing. So just know with an Italian guy you cannot cheat like some black women does, you have to live with whatever I adequacies you encounter. Like I said earlier, Italians don't take shit
DeleteI heard Italian men are a special kind of oyinbo that their preeq is always big and fat so I don't know. I personally haven't smashed any. I kuku prefer toh toh sucking to banging from preeq. I have not done too much of penetration so it is not like I will know difference between the one that can fuk hard or not. Beauty of not sleeping around too much. Either way I am not choosing based on sex I am choosing based on the one that cherishes me most and makes me feel like a princess. Naija or not
DeleteAha, it has happened. YOu think it is Nigerian men you will make
ReplyDeleteyour parents and siblings ATM?
Just don't forget to tell us how many bouquets of flowers he gives you
on your birthdays and any other special days. You will receive flowers sotee
you will have a flower garden in your backyard.😂🤣
Chill...
Delete@Anonymous
DeleteBoil! 😊🤣
Lol
DeletePoster I will advise you to breathe and take your time. Dont put yourself into any untold pressure and stress..One thing is you need to understand that in life, you cannot get 100% and nothing is absolute..You will have to compromise and sacrifice some certain things in your life that matters to you..You need to ask yourself ''What do I want'', ''In 5 years time, will I be glad or regret this decision''Everything in life is a risk irrespective of a white or black man..Have you and the Italian man sat down to ask serious life questions about your career, kids, family, finance e.t.c..Sweetheart we BVs cannot make this decision for you, you have too my dear..Decide now because Love is a decision not a feeling..3 things to know if you are with the right man are Peace of Mind, Joy and Inner Witness..The only thing I know about Italy is their food, exotic wines only..Why not google about them and also ask him questions: It seems you are aloof or scared...Ask him questions and in all..Prayer is the master key.>Ask God to guide you and direct your path at each step of the way..Involve him in everything my dear you wont regret it..All the best..
ReplyDeleteYou are not ready for marriage yet give yourself some time and define what you want. Don't quit your job expect you have something to fall back on when the time comes. A word is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteReally you have to think we'll before taking your decision. Don't marry to become a liability because he is a white man.
ReplyDeleteWonder what they were doing together for 3 years before she knew he won't want his wife to work, before she decided she can't go with that, before she decided to leave him.
DeleteYour dream man package should have had this box ticked long ago to pass quality control nah
Anyhow, if it took that long to know that man, 3 months won't do it for this man that comes from a totally different culture.
But again, this things is not always about how long you dated.
Asking us here is good, but people will only give you the Italian man of their own experience, not your short Italian.
Better to take your time and study him and pray to God to leaad you.
Ps
My own experience with an Italian : met not in Italy, he thought all Nigerian girls were loose from his experience with Nigerian girls.
For me that first guy is it o. Abeg if you don't want I want. Any man that is comfortable enough to take care of me and cherish me enough to where I can choose to stay and do business / work from home is a KING o. very rare commodity these days so eesh take your oyinbo and leave that first type for those of us wey sabi good thing.
ReplyDeleteThat first guy is a winner biko. If u no want, pass him this way. As u no sabi better tin
ReplyDeleteWho do you this kind thing na.
ReplyDeleteItalians are mafias ooo. But I love their language. Finito, monito, gracias etc
My dear take your time. You are not too old. Personally I no fit marry short man.
If you can put it in prayers that is if you pray ooo because some of you are afraid of prayers
Italians are mafians is Soo myopic, it's like saying south Africans are xenophobic,Mexicans are drug lords, Nigerians are cyber criminals,which is wrong and actually shows that one have a very limited view on a particular nation.
DeleteAll Italians are not mafiosi
Delete@ Yori try and expand your knowledge of a particular group of people past stereotypical nonsense you see on TV and maybe your comment can be taken seriously. You would be angry if a foreigner says all Nigerians are scammers or drug dealers so why the hell do you think it is ok to say all Italians are in the mafia. Backwards mentality. By the way. Gracias is spanish. not Italian. The word you are looking for is Grazie. You're welcome
DeleteAnd one more thing. Italians say grazie not gracias.
DeletePoster... Stella have said it all..good luck in your decision making! Don't accept the Italian mafian proposal if you know you don't love him and not attracted to him in any way,since height is a big issue to you!
ReplyDeleteWhy is everyone castigating her? To the poster, career is a deal breaker for her and her ex touched the no go area and she left. All the condemnation should come when the Italian tells her to be a stay home wife as her ex.
ReplyDeleteShort man, tall man, white man, green man, oxblood man, once your no go area is touched, the tie is broken. She never said she can not manage the Italian's height after all some married folks here are managing their spouses.
Compromise, understanding, endurance, forgiveness, honesty etc are the requirements for a healthy union. Love alone does not sustain marriage.
I hope the Italian supports your career and ambition.
Good luck.
Imagine studying medicine, law, accounting, pharmacy and a man says you have to ditch all that to stay at home, God abeg.
DeleteAbroadian BV
All I can tell you is don't rush swiftly.Have a deep thought about your decisions thoroughly..
ReplyDeleteAll the best
Poster you are really confused.
ReplyDeleteSince you can quit your job why not leave the Italian and marry your dream man.
The dream Man wants her to quit her career and not just her job and I think that's a deal breaker for her!!!
DeleteAll I will say is if you aren't interested in him or find him appealing,let him go. I always advice people to go for those who they are physically attracted to.
ReplyDeleteAlso contract jobs are not secure and I'm sure lots are people are going to be retrenched as a result of the downfall of the economy, so if you change your mind I'd advice you move to Italy.
Poster I can't believe you right now.
ReplyDeleteI understand you will get a job out there if you marry and relocate to Rome.but it's a huge uncertainty you are likely to face out there considering the kinda question you are asking us right now. How long have you know the Italian? If you do not know him well enough to tell the kinda life he lives and how he reacts to certain things then that's a no no.
So you left Mr right cos he wants you to become a stay at hom mom. If you both love eachother this much why didnt you both reach a middle ground?...this is very annoying though,but I believe you were too strict in your way about the career thing that was why you both had to break up cos of this issue.
Well every hallam to his kettle ,my own is this: do whatever gives you peace of mind and not what you already know will give you tough time that you might never recover from.
From your preferences (that you put down yourself), I don't see any "husband match" for you between the two men. Give it time, don't rush and marry post covid-19, that's how a lot of people are married but strangers. Firstly, have you seen this Italian man before asides online? Considering your relationship is 3 months old.
ReplyDeleteBe careful with italian men. At the slightest provocation or difficulty they kill their partner. I live in Italy and even though not everyone is the same the majority of them under stress murder their wives and even children. You don't know how many women die daily in the hands of italian men here in Italy. It has now became a public concern. I think you just want to come live abroad but finding work here in Italy is not easy, the economy is down and the coronavirus has worsened things and if you depend on the white man he may start mistreating you since he thinks you have no where to go to. I'm not trying to be negative rather I'm telling you the reality of things. The ball is in your court, if you want to face the risk marry him maybe he will make you happy but there is a 80% chance that you won't be happy and a 50% cent chance you may end up dead. Italian people seem kind but are wicked deep down. I know because I've been living in Italy since I was a toddler. If you had lived here and met a guy around your age and you had known him for long I would have said go for it and congratulations but you don't even know this man and I'm sure you met him online so be very careful. Stammi bene. Ciao
ReplyDeleteThis seems an unfair statement to make. A huge majority of nigerian men beat their wives, cheat on their wives and murder their wives everyday here in Nigeria and even abroad and yet every Saturday women marry them. You made such a sweeping generalization of murder cases happening in a country where it is highly publicized, sensationalized and frowned upon to kill one's wife but right in your own country some men have killed their wives gotten away with it without huge media coverage or justice for the victims. Do better.
DeleteAnon 17:34 Italy is my country. I've lived here since I was a toddler and I am an italian citizen even though I'm of african descent so I know what I'm talking about. You are talking from that God forsaken land Nigeria with no first hand information on what is happening here in Italy. Every day there is at least a case of feminicide or 3 or more cases of violence against women. I volunteer in a shelter for victim of domestic violence and you don't know the horrific stories we handle every day. Maybe you have been blinded by the abroad or white people but most of these people are racist and wicked and most times even here the victims don't get justice, they may get a restraining order but the man ends up stalking them and killing them. Italians are racist and most of them think that because you are black you are a prostitute ( thanks to nigerian girls that come here for prostitution) I was almost killed by the husband of my middle school teacher ( when I went to live with them at 19) because according to him because I was black I was a prostitute and since I didn't want to sleep with him he tried to kill me or is it when I was beaten by racist white men because I was the only black person in the clinic??. If you don't know or have not experienced real life situation in the hands of these Italians do better and shut up. Poster if you move abroad prepare to deal with racism and potentially dangerous situations. It's different if you are here with your family but if you are alone you will suffer a lot and may regret ever coming over. Even though I've lived here since I was a toddler I'll never marry an italian or white man but to each is own.
Delete@21.17 Come stai?! 🙂
DeleteI studied in Italy for a year and that was because I got full funding. Once I finished there, I returned home. Black girls unfortunately have created a terrible reputation in Italy. I remember once I had an appointment at an embassy in Rome and so took an early morning train. I was embarrassed with the hordes of black girls (prostitutes) who boarded at Verona, having finished 'work'. The problem is most Italian men assume it's the case for every black girl. Racism is rife in Europe, it's just more coded in some countries like UK compared to others. Think carefully about your decision. All the best.
17:34 chill.. Everything now is “generalization”.. Is that the new word, ahn ahn.. The anon above you was just trying to explain things clearly as a sibling would to another sibling, let the poster feel and know the undiluted truth, that's the purpose for the Chronicle..
DeleteEveryone is claiming sensitive too much these days, nawa
Do not rush in your decision making.. Give it time. Time and God solves all things..
ReplyDeleteAll the best
I think you should calm down a bit, if he wants to see your family just to familiarize with them, all well and good. But if he's coming to see your family 'properly' which means marriage? Then you need to slow down the process a bit.
ReplyDeleteDo you love this guy? How well do you know him? All these qualities of caring nd nice are what you deduced from frequent calls, chat or video calls? Have you even met him to understand if you guys are compatible? Have you discussed career growth with him and how you can secure a job when you relocate? Do you think 3 months is enough to risk it all and move?
My dear, take your time and decide on what you really want in a man, or is it because he is *italian* that's why you are in a haste, so you don't loose this *jackpot*.. You are 34,so what? Don't be pressurized by your age lest you make a great mistake..
Like I said earlier, calm down, take your time to understand him better, put your confusion to God in prayer, let him lead and direct your path.. There's no lateness in marriage..
Italian guys are cool and treat ladies well because I've worked with some of them in my former employment...
ReplyDeleteBut it's better you marry someone your heart really desired. Hope you won't end comparing the Italian guy to your dream man.
Poster, please be very careful in making your decisions, think about all the negative side of it both physical and emotionally, weight it and see if you can cope with them, before settling down. Marriage hmmm we thank God ooo.
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong ,with, what the poster said.the first guy wants to strip her of her right to work.she does not want that.s he's not marrying him cause he's Italian,she brought into perspective ,the fact that,she does not know their culture.if she was has desperate as most of you say, she is,she would never have brought this thing up.and the Italian man will want her to work cause bills will have to be paid,so no shes not desperate and she knows what she wants .my dear, ask ,the Italian man if you would be allowed to work .if the height is so much of an issue for you, then, you let it go.cause physical attraction also matters. but for me,ive learnt that your dream man can be your destiny destroyer,so it's not by beauty. I don't know if you should marry the Italian man,but definitely do not compromise and go for the Nigerian man cause he's tall and handsome.
ReplyDeleteGod will help you
Stella the situations are different. Nig guy wants her to be a stay-at-home Mom; no job no career. Italian guy will take her over, but she is free to work/pursue a career. It may take some time but she'll get a job. I would never do stay-at-home but I think it's not a bad idea if the man has an income large enough to support a family, and if he is kind & generous. Nigeria is most likely to enter recession following the covid crisis and drop in oil prices.. it's a time to hold unto your jobs. Plus what is his reason for wanting a stay-at-home wife? Plus the fact he is unwilling to compromise means it may always be his way or high water.
ReplyDeleteThe Italian man ..I feel she doesn't love as much. Well, there are stories of women who grow in love with their spouses. Physical attraction is important but I wish she said how tall they were. For me anyone 5'5 and below is not ideal cos I'm 5'5. For my friend who is 5'11, if you ain't 6, you ain't tall enough. But the insides matter more than the physical.
Well let's forget the ex cos y'all are broken up already and he's not begging you back. Take more time with Italian to know him well and pray about it. If you're convinced, say yes and Goodluck gurl!
How are sure the Italian man will come to Naija to meet you? Are you sure that you are not just meeting his online sexual fantasy? I have an idea of the site you might have met him lol. Babe, think well o. This white men online promise marriage within 1 hour of chatting with a black woman
ReplyDeleteMost white men online are not normal lol.i remember when a friend of mine went to meet one for the first time lol he is German hahaha my friend saw him from afar and ran😂😂😂😂She met a lot like that cos she was desperate for papers lol she had to give up. She is married to this good looking Ghanaian guy now, and he treats her like the queen that she is. Girl, there are good men from every race. You have to know your self worth
DeletePoster 3months is too short to know someone especially through long distance relationship then add cultural differences, language barriers. What do u like about the Italian. Do u know his values, do u feel free with him.Anyways fear allows u make bad decisions under pressure. I bet u r scared on going to Italy but u dont want to lose both relationships. How about u take your time and pray and if this fear continues then know it isnt the will of God. Perfect love cast out fear. If u r scared, detail out the reasons for your fear if they are legitimate then both of them are not for u. Its difficult to let go of two relationships but asked divorced pple how it is, they ll tell u it's better to have waited. My advise know this Italian guy first, tell him u want more time dont be pressured cos he is a white or he feels u r mature to know what u want. Someone once gave me an advice on decision making. "if u dont feel peace do not proceed"
ReplyDeleteMake a decision but ask yourself is this decision I'm making something I can live with for the rest of my life ......
ReplyDeleteI Can’t even find one point to disagree With Stella.....
ReplyDelete@poster, I'm disappointed in you. You are already talking marriage with a man you met 3 months ago - what do you really know about him or is it BC he's white?
ReplyDeleteYou seem not to know what you really want, leaving a relationship of 3 yrs with a man of desired height for another of 3 months with a man of undesired height.
You're 34, and so?
This poster is lying. Nobody is coming to see her family. She has probably met this man online and assumed marriage, and has started ignoring her bf. Most white folks online are not normal. The lord is your strength.
ReplyDeleteGet to know the Italian well.
ReplyDeleteWatch and Pray.
Poster think this through and through before you leap. Marriage can be very tough when you marry wrongly. I didn't see where you talked about the God-factor, it is very important you seek the face of God concerning a life partner. Physical attributes will diminish with time but true love, trust and a God-fearing spouse will bring you peace. Also consider the language and cultural differences with the Italian and the possibility of getting a job after relocation is not guaranteed, aside from the spiritual aspects, be sure to marry a man you are physically attracted to so you start resenting him later on. I wish you luck in any decision you choose to make.
ReplyDeletePlease poster abort mission on that Italian man abeg ,wait for another suitor,God will do it,believe.
ReplyDelete