Hmmmm.........
ACCEPTING BACK A MAN WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
Hi Stella and Y'all. You are all doing wonderfully well.
Straight to my story.
I met a guy after my divorce. He came at a time I was really down and almost getting depressed. He was good to me. He invited me abroad though I processed my docs myself. Eventually he proposed and I said yes. We were just visiting for a few years before we decided to finally live together. None of us was in a hurry to get married again. He is a divorcee too.
He filed for me and we lived as partners for some more years. He was a very good guy, the one who brings food to you in bed, gives you all he has to shop, take you on trips national and international. He was that good.
There were snags though
Never believe in progression. He is a static person. Doesn't matter whether we have anything both where we reside and back home. I was concerned but not him.
Smokes and drinks heavily. Don't know why. Begged, abused but not yielding. I accepted my fate.
And then on one of out trips, he cheated with someone he called childhood lover. He confessed. Not sorry though. He said he still loves her. I tried all I could to have my man back but I wasn't able to.
So we kept our distance even though living together. No intimacy for more than 2 years. Time to move on. Told him I can't cope any longer.
He started showing love, asked that we see a therapist but the love was long lost!
He got aggressive and that was the final straw. I planned my exit.
He got really abusive and went to town tarnishing my image. I didn't look back. I agreed with everything he told people. I moved on.
And after about 5 years, he is trying to reach out. I already gave relationship a break. Should I consider? My life is better without him though.
Hi Stella and Y'all. You are all doing wonderfully well.
Straight to my story.
I met a guy after my divorce. He came at a time I was really down and almost getting depressed. He was good to me. He invited me abroad though I processed my docs myself. Eventually he proposed and I said yes. We were just visiting for a few years before we decided to finally live together. None of us was in a hurry to get married again. He is a divorcee too.
He filed for me and we lived as partners for some more years. He was a very good guy, the one who brings food to you in bed, gives you all he has to shop, take you on trips national and international. He was that good.
There were snags though
Never believe in progression. He is a static person. Doesn't matter whether we have anything both where we reside and back home. I was concerned but not him.
Smokes and drinks heavily. Don't know why. Begged, abused but not yielding. I accepted my fate.
And then on one of out trips, he cheated with someone he called childhood lover. He confessed. Not sorry though. He said he still loves her. I tried all I could to have my man back but I wasn't able to.
So we kept our distance even though living together. No intimacy for more than 2 years. Time to move on. Told him I can't cope any longer.
He started showing love, asked that we see a therapist but the love was long lost!
He got aggressive and that was the final straw. I planned my exit.
He got really abusive and went to town tarnishing my image. I didn't look back. I agreed with everything he told people. I moved on.
And after about 5 years, he is trying to reach out. I already gave relationship a break. Should I consider? My life is better without him though.
*DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK!!!!!......with what you explained up there,it is better to be alone!
Please i am begging you... continue to face front
ReplyDeleteYou already said your life is better without him...so you don't need such negative energy in your life
Avoid him like a plague.
DeleteDon't go back, EVER.
Stella I no see my comment. Please release it from your guard room ooo.
DeleteLovelace
Why will you want to go back to your vomit?
DeleteYou life is better without him?why reconsidering him again then
DeleteHmmm...life is not about black or white. Sometimes it is grey. If you say your life is better Without him and you mean it, then no need letting him back.
DeleteI am a feminist but I can tell you for free that COMPANIONSHIP is priceless. Healthy companionship will help you live longer, happier and healthy quality life. But You don't have to cling on to him if he is bad to you and remember before you tag someone bad make sure you suffered more than you enjoyed with him. People make mistakes. People change. And there is such thing as genuine apology and giving him a second chance will not kill you. What do you stand to loose anyway? If he is bad you drop him like a hot potato.
See madam, maturity sometimes enlarges our capacity to handle, tolerate, endure and over look stuff. So if you can give him a 2nd chance, fine. For you to write this chronicle means you want to give it another try and I say, yes. Give him another try and make sure you enjoy yourself well while at it.
All the best. Sunny side up, madam.
MY LIFE IS BETTER WITHOUT HIM THOUGH....
DeleteThat sums it all.
Pls staySAFE and clinge to Jesus.
Please flee from him!
DeleteYou are better off like you said.
17:56 is the voice of an assistant demon talking.
DeleteFLEEEEEEE.
Someone was sleeping around in your relationship.
You remained faithful.
Someone got abusive.
You remained faithful.
The same someone tarnished your image everywhere to everyone.
You did not utter a word.
Now one demon up there and assistant psychologist up there said you should go back that life is about your capacity to handle extraordinary bullshit yadi yadi tags.
Ekwensu!!!!!!! Sedpent from the pit of Hades. I cast and bind such thinking to the everlasting furnace of hell.
Go back na, if you are desperate and dont believe you deserve or are worth any better.
Let him kuku finish you completely.
Where Una they meet all this men dem self. Nne biko make everybody dey em Dey before it ends in tears.
ReplyDeleteSince your life is better without him why do you still want to go back and you said you don't love him anymore .please advice your self.
DeleteYou don't know what loneliness is like.
Delete16:31 oh really? So loneliness with peace is not better than the company of a mad man giving you Hbp and STIs????
DeleteLmaoooooooooooooo.
Some of you have such an incredible sense of self worth, it's not wonder you gulp down ABSOLUTE UTTER BULLSHIT.
If this woman had been sleeping with her childhood friend, do you for one moment think she would be able to open the door of the house they live in.
Do you think you need to ask this stupid question before you make decision ?
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think you need anyone to tell you what to do at this point ?
Are you saying you can't think deep o know what's right for you ?
Okay, go back to him.
My sis pls move on. Becos I see no reason for you going back. Abi the AMU carry diamond??
DeleteDon, there's no where it is written that you must comment. Why do you always feel the need to insult people here. Why would you call her question stupid?
DeleteMove on if a chronicle is stupid to you. Move on to the next post, you won't die!
Thank you anon .
Delete17:48, where's the insult?
DeleteWell said anon. Well said
DeleteYour last sentence is the advice you seek, sis.
ReplyDelete🤗🤗
you can give him a chance and see how things go?
ReplyDeleteNne you're better alone.
ReplyDeleteHe drank and smoked heavily and you married him. Of course, why not, he is based abroad.
ReplyDeleteHe cheats, and abuses you, you stayed put.
Why not? of course he is abroad and
even made you see/know where abroad is.
He did not feel sorry for what he did
and blackmailed you, you swept it under the rug. Why not?
Of course, abroad is "heaven" and "abroad man" is a god.
He reaches out...you are asking us to
support you to take him back. Why not?
Of course, he showed you nationally and internationally...
Wow. Nigerian ladies will not cease to amaze me. They can stoop to eat poop as long as it is "abroad".
If this man is bankrupt or got deported to Nigeria, will you be asking us this question? 😏😏😏
Chill baby, chill!
DeleteAnd please leave Nigerian ladies be, just because few women are weak, naive and what have you does not give you any right to generalize!
Thank you.
By the way your comment sounds like a poem to me, a poem that should be titled "Based abroad".
She didn't say they were married, they lived as partners; he filed for her as a live-in partner.
DeleteI didn't expect that question from her though., Like, she can't think for herself, especially in a case of an ex-partner that was abusive and also an addict.
@Chisom
DeleteTitle it and run with it because "based abroad" is the mantra of the Nigerian lady.
@Ms. A.
DeleteThanks for adding more lines to "my poem"
She sold her dignity and lived in as a live in partner
just to go abroad, why not? He is abroad man.
He never saw you fit for marriage and you accepted to be a concubine,
why not; abroad man is "god-man".
No, you got it all wrong. I have been travelling out of the country on vacation long before I met him so it's not a case of being with abrodian. No. We dated more than 2 years in naija and I was travelling to see him. About drinking and smoking heavily, he hid all from me. He was darn perfect. And I didn't sell my dignity. Remember I said I was once married. I wasnt in a rush to do it again. And yes, being lonely is why I put up this posy. But all the same, thank you for the advice. Appreciates them. I go dey my dey
DeleteYou people shouldn't be too quick to castigate and conclude, unu afugo??
DeleteMy dear OP, I understand you very well. Loneliness is not a funny condition. From babies to grannies, Being physically lonely can be depressing. Please you need to learn from the past and avoid that man. Dont be afraid to find love again. But this time be very very wise and prayerful. I love you.
DeleteAnon 18:11, thank you. I love you too.
Delete@Chisom
DeleteKedu ihe anyi furu? The poster artfully dodged the questions about being a concubine
and if she would have asked the question if the man was deported to Nigeria.
OP I am wondering why you felt the need to explain to someone who chose to dive into conclusion. We know her handwriting.
DeleteMeanwhile I would say move on because there was abuse in the relationship. Your life is better without him why do you want anything other than that?
Abuser never change
ReplyDeleteHe is still gonna abuse you sis
You said your life is better without him so why you wanna mess things up
5years I'm sure you have healed
Let him try elsewhere okay!!
Once the man is abroad based. You won't hear; beast, DV abuser, useless man, shameless man.
ReplyDeleteThose titles only stick to those based in Nigeria and they are never taken back.
It's a pity.
This is a very wicked and STUPID thing you guys do. Men in Nigeria don’t abuse? Poor men don’t abuse? If she married a struggling man now and he abused her you guys will still insult her that she stooped so low. If you have no empathy please keep comments to yourself
DeleteYou forgot to add "horseband"
DeletePoster hmm don't take him back I beg you..Its time to smell fresh roses.. What is love that is hurting and causes you pain, he cheated on you and had no remorse..Well Yoruba people always say ''The cane that was used to chase the first wife out is always at the same corner for the next wife''..This guy is just bad news..Abeg move forward and keep walking like Johnny Walker..All the best...
ReplyDeleteYou are begging her? Leave her! Her M.U.M.U never reach even at this her age.
DeleteDon't CARRY him o you hear? DHL,UPS OR FEDEX the Baggage.
Ekwusiaaam..
#LOVE😍
Dear Poster,Why do you want to go back?
ReplyDeleteHas all these things that you didn't like about him before changed?
If they have, then why not?
But if it's still same same in different package, please don't.
Take care of yourself.
Which which email do I use in writing to stella?
ReplyDelete
DeleteSdimokokorkus@gmail.com
It keeps telling me recipient info doesn't seems right😂
DeletePoster PLS do not take him back. Why is it that when it comes to relationships like this,you see the pit wide with your eyes open and then you decide to fall into it,later you start crying again. Having gone through a divorce before it should be once bitten twice shy. It's a no no pls
ReplyDeleteYou are blinded by his "supposed" good qualities that you are ready to overlook those nagging signs.
ReplyDeleteI wrote "supposed" because there is really nothing special about all what you wrote up there. Well, I am sorry but not really sorry for the truth has to be told. All the romantic display of love is actually the norm of what is expected from a man in a relationship with a woman and I am sure you reciprocated in your own way too, right? So what the fuss about really?
It is obvious it doesn't take so much to impress you that you revel and grovel at his minuscule display of affection that you can't see the important ones are ignored. Love and respect he doesn't have for you. Maybe at the onset but not anymore.
It is best you move on. Keep moving and don't look back.
ReplyDeleteNo time to reconsider. Before you know it,Long stories will follow.
Avoid stories that touch the heart,kidneys and intestines.
You closed this chapter already. Why reopen it?
ReplyDeleteYou’re already considering taking him back, take him back ooo and send us chronicle update
ReplyDeleteMadam, that chapter is closed, done and dusted; why are you now looking back?
ReplyDeletePlease, stop it! Keep moving forward and do not even water that thought of giving him a chance in your head.
If you are ready to have a relationship, try other people, not this lost battle.
Keep moving!!!
He started showing love because you told him you couldn't cope. Poster, DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. You don't know what he's up to. My Aunt's friend told her husband she wanted a divorce, because things were not working out between them. He begged and begged. She reconsidered. Hubby later filed for divorce and told her, she won't be the one to end it. He has the final say. So please, once again DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.
ReplyDeleteWhy do people get aggressive when things begin to go south. Its not working its not. Move on but No. You'll see and hear them cursing and plotting.
ReplyDeleteYour true self comes out when you're angry or bitter about something. That's when you know the type of witch you are. There're good and evil witches tho.
Nne free him. Your life is better now don't know exactly why you want to go back.
I agree with stella, do not take him back.
ReplyDeleteMadam move on jejely. That ship has sailed long time ago.
ReplyDeleteInstead of trying to take this one back you need to concentrate on yourself and ask God to send good men your way.
ReplyDelete👌
DeletePlease don't go back.
ReplyDeletePoster you have advised yourself ooo
ReplyDeleteYour life has been better without him and it'll keep getting better without him. You know what's best for you.
ReplyDeleteFor the love of sanity and peace, please never take him back
ReplyDeleteMy sister dey your dey biko!
ReplyDeleteFrom the tone of your chronicle, the man sounds to me like he's confused and mentally not hundred percent stable, who knows why he fel apart with his ex wife??
You've been divorced before and I'm sure you wouldn't want your second marriage to fail again, face your life and feed yourself with excess love and pamper, someone better will come your way, stay away from the man biko.
Since your life is better without him, why are you asking us this question? Do you miss your days of sorrow and misery? Do you wish to slip into depression?
ReplyDeleteGoing back to exes hardly ends well you know. Just understand that it's not too late and your kind of man can still find you.
Cheers...
madam just face front, allow the man look or someone else. Do not go back please.
ReplyDeleteWhy do we advise people like this? You want another divorce
ReplyDeleteNo use because of loneliness enter abusive relationship. Dont go back
ReplyDeleteYou said it yourself that your life is better without him. Do not go back to him cause trust me, it would be worse
ReplyDeleteSometimes I think some people send in chronicles for the sake of typing one. Ofcourse, you know the answer to ur question, yet u still wanna ask.
ReplyDeleteHe is static, nonchalant, smokes, drinks, cheats and confessed not because he was remorseful, he tarnished your image because you wanted to move on!!!!
ReplyDeleteAre all these not signs of a narcissist and how they plead when they see their victim has moved on and new supply isn't forthcoming?
Ngwanu, madam move on and prepare your heart for better man and life's blessings . To suffer no do you?
These kind of men have expiry date.
ReplyDeleteIf you meet any,just enjoy while it lasts.
The man was using you to put mind and soul together like wise you.
Two of una fit each other.
poster I believe you have kids from your previous married, if yes don't take him back. Majority of women go into marriage for the purpose of recreation not for the fun of it, face your kids and enjoy the rest of your life except other wise.
DeleteBV Dollar Goddess
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou are better without him ma'm and it's been 5yrs already.
ReplyDeleteDont take him back for you sanity biko.
Eeeeyah,poster,loneliness is doing a number on you and you feel you should reconsider him for companionship sake.But you see,this man you described up there has more coming and you dont want to mess your life up all over again.Please run away from this temptation and seek the face of God for a better companion and HUSBAND.I wish you all the best sis.
ReplyDelete"Your life is better without him"... What advise do you seek again?
ReplyDeleteposter move on, there is a better man, out there for you. love and light 🤩
ReplyDeleteSis, please move on. Don't take him back
ReplyDeleteForward EVER...
ReplyDeleteBackwards NEVER...
YOU CAN BE BETTER WITHOUT HIM...
Dear poster please you need your own happiness and your own sanity.Trust your instinct
ReplyDeleteTake a walk dear, he doesn't deserve you. 5 years is too much to go back .
ReplyDeleteCapital NO,just seeing the headline and need not read,know your worth,will read through after commenting🤣
ReplyDeleteNgwanu take him back. Inshort CARRY him back cos the weight of baggages can bury a human being.
ReplyDeleteSomeone wasted your life for years on end and after five years he is knocking on your door to waste your remaining life. CARRY him you hear. Infact FORKLIFT him and SHIP him through MAERSK.
You have not yet seen "STATIC" you hear? He will now show you RETROGRESSION, BACKFLIPPING and ANALOGUETISM.
Your first missionary journey made you "down" and "almost depressed", You see this 2nd Missionary Journey? cheii🤔...
Nonsense and ingredients 🙄🙄🙄.
#LOVE😍
Darling, if your life is better without him, why second guess your decision to end the relationship? You come across like you possess the requisite emotional strength to deal with a bad situation and choose you first, that takes spunk and I commend you. It would be remiss of me to ignore the fact that you are human, a woman with needs. However, please, don't date as a matter of course. Don't be with a man " just 'cause". Better be single and at peace than in a relationship and be messed up emotionally and mentally.
ReplyDeleteAs a divorcee, you have to be very careful with the type of men you allow into your space. What makes this man special, according to you, borders more on the material things, the largesse he so generously lavishes on you. I'm not sure of your mindset when it comes to such things, I was raised to spurge on myself so that I wouldn't be easily impressed by material things men dangle. I'm more of the "less carrot, more stick" kinda lady. Don't get me wrong, financial stability and security are absolutely necessary for a successful relationship/marriage and it feels good to be the object of your man's generosity but I'm more impressed by a man's actions and morals than his largesse. I know that if I apply myself, I can afford the finer things in life as well.
Same applies to you, sweetheart, you can afford to spoil yourself the same way this man used to, with your dignity intact. His character sucks and I draw the line where disagreements get physical. I believe in 2nd chances in certain cases, after all, to err is human, no? But you mean it took him 5 years to realise the error of his ways and how much he wants you back? Nah! He probably feels nostalgic and wants to hit it for old time sake. Unless you haven't evolved during this 5 year hiatus and your self-worth is at an all time low. It may be extremely seductive to let him back a la " the devil you know..." but the comfort of familiarity can leave you stuck in a rot. It's time to move on, on to a new and more exciting experience. As disgusting as going back to your vomit is, what's poignant about it, is people tend to forget the reason they puked in the first place, whatever was ingested couldn't stay down because it upset your system. Be wise sis.
e-hugs and kisses.
I love this comment!
DeletePlease don't go back to him. You have moved on, move on permanently..
ReplyDeleteTake him back at your own peril
ReplyDelete"even though living together, No intimacy for more than 2 years."
ReplyDeleteDamnnn... This looks like a container load of mutual unforgiveness and Malice mixed together.
One thing about people leaving your life and deciding to come back,is because they have some unfinished business they want to come back to. And in most cases,that " unfinished" business is to finish off what they could not finish. Please move on my sister.
ReplyDeleteMove on with your life, don’t look back. For him to
ReplyDeletego ahead and tarnish your image after the breakup shows a lot about him. I hate men that can’t accept a breakup and go their way in peace. Ultimately what you do is your choice, but if I were you with all you describe above I will never go back.I still ask my self why people can’t see the benefits of being single, the peace of mind you have, no amount of money can give you that.
Since your life is better without him, move on without looking back, genuine love will find you in no time. Be positive and focused on your goals. It is well
ReplyDeleteI'm surprised you stayed with him that long. You mentioned he is a static person so there's little chance that he has grown or changed as some people do. Move on or you'll regret it.
ReplyDeleteHe's not the only man in this world!
ReplyDeleteNa wa...we cant just have them all in one package, can we? Even the good ones will still come with baggages.
ReplyDelete