I read all the comments on my Chronicle and I saw that almost all bv's bashed me with the exception of Dre and one lady. It was dated 24 March 2020 titled "IN LAW BROUHAHA"
I am the woman that talked then about my husband's niece (doing NYSC) then living with us but won't lift a finger to help me with house chores either sweeping or helping with the children. My husband will even be doing house chores but she will never collect it from him. I will cook food for her then.When house chores wan kill me,i stopped cooking for her!
I will be cooking,she will sit in the room but will be expecting me to cook for her! What effontary! At least then,someone sent an attachment inside SP then about living with someone and at least do something because the person is contributing to the sand in the house!!!
Remember then,I told you that I call her aunty (person wey I senior with over 10years ) but she doesn't respect me back,it shows in her character to me. So I deserve to be respected back.
I am a very humble person and I also have children,I like peace and I want things to also turn out well for my children,so I have to be nice but this in law have taken me for a fool .I never knew this girl was reporting me to her mum all the while she was with us.
Her mum celebrated her birthday and we had to travel with my children with public transportation. I have not even settled before they started calling me to join them in the kitchen. I have little boys that needed my attention but I left them to start cooking with those in the kitchen. From washing of plenty plates,to carrying mortar,to vegetables,to washing of pots and arranging it even to using my hands to pick dirts on the floor outside the compound where the party held because I couldn't find broom. Infact, I was so so drained,God bears me witness if I lie!
We couldn't leave that day. The mother of my niece (I mean my husband's senior brother's wife) hardly told me Well Done,I already saw in her character that she hated me,you know character is like smoke but I never said anything because i dont want wahala. The next day we were to leave ,I was dressing up my boys,she now started shouting at me that why can't I cook for her family? That I always do my husband and I. She said aren't I supposed to have even come to their house to stay few days before the party began? Must I follow my husband? Must I leave when he's leaving?
I am supposed to cook for her family this morning.she had five children o ooo,all present 3 females and two males,its one of her daughter's that came to stay with us and wants to wed now. She never told me thank you for all i did the previous day,her children didn't appreciate me self. I was VERY VERY DRAINED AND TIRED ALREADY coupled with the fact that i still had to back my son and take care of the senior one! Ha!.
she never asked me what my children will eat. While she was abusing me the following day,i never said a word!
I was packing my load so we can leave the toxic environment fast,she was so shouting on top of her voice to me as if she had me in mind before but I never said a dime! My husband really appreciated the fact that I was able to maintain my cool.
I was packing my load so we can leave the toxic environment fast,she was so shouting on top of her voice to me as if she had me in mind before but I never said a dime! My husband really appreciated the fact that I was able to maintain my cool.
Later that day,my senior wife (i mean niece's mum)called to beg me. I think she realized all she did but the damage had already been done. All this slavery of wife in Yoruba Land has never ever happened in my dad or mum's family,so I am witnessing this first hand and I realize that its common with poor or illiterate people (excuse my use of words here).Also calling small girls and boys aunty and brother as they are iya oko and baba oko,nonsense and ingredients!!,
Now,the niece wants to wed and she now sent a text that children will wear a particular material blah blah....... Well, she and her mum has pushed me to the wall,i will never buy the material for children but I have decided to buy the Aso ebi for the husbands family,its from that Aso ebi I will sow for my boys. I am not MUMU raise to power 200.
I have observed that if you are too quiet for some in laws,they will turn you to a big FOOL AND SLAVE YOU AROUND! Well,I put my future with these in laws in God's hands and I will not relent praying. I will try to be peaceful.....................................
What goes around surely comes around and the niece will face her own in her husband's house. I have tried to forgive but chai,how can I forget?
Story plenty but my God vindicated me against that my senior wife! Thank you Jesus!
*This is serious...Please forgive her and maintain peace oooooooh
Poster for your sanity forgive and cut them off. I can't stand negative aura around me.
ReplyDeletena wa o,I hope we yoruba's will change but this their own is extreme.I don't think I will have kept quite if I were to be in your shoes.I don't understand why a responsible person will be spending more than one week in someone's house and will not even assist with any thing.
DeleteThey now go back to call the wife wicked,so because I am a wife I should kill my self?
If I don't have guest I might not even cook if I don't feel like cooking.
The only person I will slave for is my mother in-law or my own mum.I won't even accept that from my own siblings.
@Anonymous 16:09, I have limit I can slave for anybody now oo. Se me that I took my mother inlaw like my mother, would invite her over 10times and give my mum 1invite. Only for her to lie against me and caused troubles between me and my husbands' siblings. It pained her when my husband stood up to her that She told lies against me...plenty story. But will never take that chance again in my life. They should dry their day abeg
DeleteIt's not really a yoruba thing per se. It's an individual thing.
DeleteI am older than my two SILs who happens to be my brother's wives but none of them can say their in-laws are bad.
When I visited, the first one mopped the house then entered my room to mop, I just laughed and told her to please stop. She went to the supermarket to get foodstuffs but met me vacuuming the house and came towards me to take the vacuum, I just begged her to please never bother me when I am doing my thing. I wash the dishes while she cooks. There was a day before I left, I needed to wash my clothes but she couldn't find the key to the laundry room. She also wanted to wash her husband and kid's clothes. So I packed my clothes to wash while she was washing theirs. Guess who I saw behind me? My SIL telling me to bring my clothes to add it to theirs. At that point I was tired and told her not to worry. She could see I was serious and wasn't going to give it to her, so she let me be.
The second wife is really younger than I am but please does that mean I hurt her? We went to the restaurant and got takeaways but she was trying to help me carry my food which wasn't heavy to show respect but I refused. She brings my food to my room and when I cook too, I take her food to her room. Not that I can't call her to pick hers but I do that to show love and make her feel at ease and that doesn't mean they don't respect me. Our mother treat them like her daughters, makes their hair when they visit and gifts them. Even if a man opens the car door for me, today...tommorow and next tomorrow after a while he would get tired. There are some things a human being can never do for long. So in all we have to respect ourselves.
Sorry for your the issues. Moving forward keep your distance at least they will know they pushed you away. Go for the event at least 2 hours late do not do any iya oko tani iya oko awon were. DO NOT WASH PLATE I TAKE GOD BEG YOU. Buy gift if you can afford it, block your ears to any negative talk. Go home early
Delete@i get una time if any of my daughters try the nonsense you SIL is doing I will just run mad. Me I won’t do any of that shit, and neither will my children male or female. This should not even be something to be discussed!!! The only time respect comes in is an age gap of mother daughter and not because of marriage. Even at that it doesn’t mean if you are washing I should come and collect your clothes nonsense. Since the day I was born I have had washing machine. There will always continue to be washing machine. Nonsense
Delete19:24 say that to yoruba people and their culture.If you have a problem with it just avoid the yorubas instead of bragging because you opened your eyes and nobody forced you to marry them. You Think they care about your ranting just marry from elsewhere or pray to be lucky and marry from her kind of family. Even me don't really fancy them because I have heard enough about them.I get una time is truly an exception that should be applauded. Stop trying to make her feel what she did isn't special or she isn't a rare gem because she is and not only amongst the yorubas but also people of other culture. Other cultures too aren't saints. But you didn't see anything wrong with the elder sister of the husband sweeping the whole house and not giving her younger brother's wife the broom? That's isn't commendable ba? I am sure even her brother won't be looking while the elder sister was sweeping so please shift. I get una time you are a good woman God will bless you.
Delete@ I get u a time. Well considering your tribe and the issue of respect they are known for I raise my hat to you because you tried. Sis you deserve a medal😳.
DeleteYou are
Even older than them and you act that way it's unbelievable. You are a good person sha
😂😂19:24. Well...they have a laundry room from what I read so they have a washing machine in there. Calm your nerves and avoid the yoruba people when you marry else the nonsense you are shouting up and down won't save you because the sons also obey the mothers. @your first paragraph😅you must be a learner.🚶♂️
@i get u a time. Considering the tribe you are from and their issue with respect sis you TRIED!
DeleteIt's unbelievable based on how your people are. I wanted to date a guy from there and he was already letting me know where I stand with his family I just changed lane.
To think you are even older than them I raise my hat for you. You are a good person indeed.
19:24. Well, from what I read they have a laundry room which means there is a washing machine in there. Look let me tell you the truth The only solution is to avoid them and not marry from their side else all these nonsense you are shouting up and down won't save you when you put head. Even the sons obey the mothers and do what they say so what are you on about.
😂😂@your first paragraph you must be a learner🚶♂️
There is nothing like the Yoruba tribe Slavery yes there is respect in Yoruba tribe but slavery is not part. It based on individual and family than tribe this wife self looks like she has a lot at hand. Am not married yet but raise in a complete Yoruba family and have never experienced this or seen this before.
DeleteWhat I noticed is that it is this attitude of forgive for the sake of peace that emboldens these In laws. As for me when I noticed that they didn’t appreciate my good deeds and that the more I did well for them the more they demanded and complained, I kuku stopped. Now I don open eye back. As u want something to talk about and abuse me and I have kuku started ignoring them. Let it not be they are Lying when they talk of me abi.
DeleteHmmmmm na waaaaaaaa!!!
ReplyDeleteI’m holding you on high esteem for belittling her with your silence. I pray God takes you and yours far, very far away from toxic people. Things will always get better than now. Keep being prayerful. God bless your family. 🙏🏼
My dear, do not let anyone control or make you feel bad, avoid all forms of toxicity in your life.
DeleteIts painful when your husband doesnt stand up for you, cus if he did they will not have the audacity to treat you that way.
You need to let go of all the anger and pain but also avoid situations where you'd be needed to do anything. If theres a wedding, go the same day, you can also stay in a hotel. Always have options.
Like the poster said it’s always the poor ones that had a hard life. My husbands family are like that. Instead of trying to move forward and progress it’s like they want to wallow in that locality. Family background matters a lot. Suwah!!!
DeleteNice to read that you "maintained your cool" because being hot would have generated hotter mess.🤢🤢
ReplyDeleteI do not believe that you Naija girls do not know what you are marrying into.
Before marriage, you are eager to scrub the entire compound with your tongue. But once it is said "I do," you become drained to pick.
For me, I don't attend every ceremony I am invited to. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
I never did becuase my place is far. We don't live in the same city. The senior wife is kinda jealous because her own husband get craze for body,fucking married woman around and my husband and other siblings pleaded with her to forgive their brother. My husband is the cool one.
DeletePoster, like I told you in your previous post, return peace for peace, bullshit for bullshit!
DeleteIf only you were my sister, by now they would have known their blood group+genotype.
Please if you have sisters that would be willing to attend family functions with you, always go with at least one of them...
Slavery backward cultural mentality is what will finish Nigeria..
ReplyDeleteYoruba; their own dey their body.. Hypocrites of the highest order.
Most of them can't take what they dish.. Radarada
Madam poster face your family and God's wisdom will never elude you..
Pele.. You will be fine.
Iya oko, mama oko..mtcheeeww bastards..
Ola,I am Yoruba too,change begins with you and I.If i treat all my brother's wife like my own siblings and you too don't go to your brother's house and behave anyhow,things will get better.
DeleteI hate that iya oko and aunty boda mentality like shit.
DeleteAnon 16:47 I agree with you.. Charity begins from home.
DeleteAmen@ Ola. Thanks.
DeletePls don't buy! Which one is children ashoebi in these hard times?? If them like let them look you with bad eye, face front abeg.
ReplyDeleteAproko, what is even killing me is the fact that it's her fellow wife that is doing all this rubbish!
DeleteAnyways, they select the people they do such with, and poster, it's obvious you're afraid of being called a bad person. Personally, I derive pleasure from anything that gives me peace and, if it takes being called a bad wife, then please call away.
P.s, how are you so sure that's not already your title?...
I am Yoruba too, Yoruba in-laws are fund of that shit truly. My in-laws have tried everything to break me but I stand gidigba I have never and will never exchange words with any of them. I play maturity and try to be cordial with everyone, it’s still amazes them how I’m able to keep my cool. I focused on my marriage and hubby. You see those sis in-laws? The are deputy witches, my own sis in-laws are yo-yo bitters but that is their wahala o, coz I respect myself and I don’t start what I cnt finish. Hubby doesn’t give them chance to tamper with me so that one fear them already. My mum in-law sef try but she later see sey God dey with this small girl.
ReplyDeleteMy dear that's it, if you are quiet they will think you don't know anything, that's what I'm passing through but this year I decided to give them hot hot, now they are miles away from me.
ReplyDeleteBut then you now become the bad one.At this stage of my life I dont care what people think about me.I will always do the right thing without eye service ,the thing tire me jor
DeleteNa dem sabi. I am the bad one and I think that since I became that I have had peace. When I was the good one they drove me mad. And they are not Yoruba. Anambra in laws are the worst. That useless sense of entitlement brought about by poverty and illiteracy!!!
DeleteSo the comment you posted about your niece was actually the catalyst of your chronicle. Well, you can’t blame us because we formed our opinions according to what was presented to us.
ReplyDeleteForgive the woman and make peace with your extended family. I still say you allow the kids to wear the asoebi but i understand if you rather they don’t.
My own is this how your husband portray you to his family determines how they will treat you.
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeletePoster, Your husband is the only one who can save you from this mess. He needs to stand up for you.
No biggy.. Its not the husband,
DeleteFamily most times have this influence, that's so strong that needs to make the husband and
personally ii wont buy the Ashobi, Highest they will do is talk. Your husband should at least say Something to the relatives
DeleteOla my ex fiancée came home to see me my parent one time and before then I already told my mom that she should not expect anything of her cleaning the kitchen and all I am that blunt even though I know very well my mom isn't that kind of mother in law....she came and she was treated like a daughter not a wife,my sister disrespected her and I blasted her right there.
DeleteTill our relationship lasted no disrespect from anyone not even my cousin because I was able to set things straight.
For the poster the husband was going to notice all what the wife went through and for him to keep shut without talking then he is the one who encourages it,you can't see all that done to your wife and come back later to say babe please don't get upset and I'm sorry for what you went through no you don't do that.
You love her and you married her stand up for her no matter who that person and sent things straight with you family while you guys are courting.
Most guys think setting things straight with your parent and siblings means you are disrespecting them but it is not.
Thank you Bigbanty
DeleteChai, you tried ooh
ReplyDeleteGod forbid I go through such.You too quiet.I will put every body in their place.Your fellow woman that was even married into the family,not even related to your husband by blood but my marriage.Who is even giving her wings sef(you too soft that's why).Nobody can try that with me.I blame your husband in all this.How can you allow your brother's wife and niece to treat You and your wife like a piece of shit. Even if your husband is quiet,DON'T BE OOH.They will treat you both like rubbish.
DON'T BUY THAT ASO EBI FOR CHILDREN.TAKE YOUR STAND AND STICK TO IT.
Some in-laws are from the pity of hell.
So it's her fellow wife that shouted on her...kikiki o ma bloody gan. Sister in law cannot do it and go Scot free let alone FELLOW wife.
DeleteMarriage is not do or die affair abeg
No it’s her husbands elder sister
DeleteMom Ella, I swear down! If you see how I'm hyperventilating here? Like you won't even try it from the get go! Are you, your husband and even that my husband on drugs?...
DeleteThe chronicle itself is draining. I can't understand and I can't relate. Why are you all in all of you's businesses? I don't know if I got that right. I mind my business to the fullest. I am not married but I know what it would look like when I eventually do. You won't even know how to not mind your business around me honestly. Maybe it is upbringing, maybe it is culture, what the actual F? Go to your house for a party and end up doing all the work? Get a caterer or do all your work yourself. I would compere the event for free though. Just mind yourself poster. If you have decided not to sew their asoebi, don't sew the one from the husband's side that would amount to drawing a huge battle line from the way your family is structured. Kai! Marriage to some families na wah!
ReplyDeleteMarry first b4 u talk. When u marry into some kain families enh U will be weak at their expectations. Some can pull u down if u are not careful
DeleteNa wa, I think this slavery thing is really deep in the Yoruba tradition, btw I'm Yoruba and have been married for 7 years, all I do is give my in-laws plenty social distancing, abeg I cant with all this unexposed, rural behaviour, I call all my husband's niece and nephews I senior by their names, nothing like aunty or uncle, no time for nonsense, I entered with the mind set of not starting want I can't finish, cos I know that once you give most of them a mile they take a yard, one came to my house, for it, he won't help with chores in the house,
ReplyDeletehe will eat and wash only his plate, I had to give him chores to do, my husband also caution him on washing only his plate. It's well with you my dear.life Na turn by turn.
I am equally Yoruba by tribe and we have many men in our family, I have never seen any of the children been rude to the brothers wife or anyone spending holiday in an Uncle/brother's house and washing your plates alone (you chop shit?) Until this stupid nephew of my husband came around, he can watch TV from morning till evening without doing any thing, above all he's so dirty, he was corrected severally but no improvement, after d 1st year in School, we asked the parents to secure accomodation for him in School. This nonsense is common with the local ones not necessarily uneducated.
DeleteIt’s not only Yorubas o. I am married to an Igbo man and their own is worse. It all depends on the family background. Once they grow up in a backward environment , no matter the school they go to that hidden inferiority complex makes them act like that.
DeleteWhen you know your value, you reject some versions of ‘nonsense’. Not even for the sake of peace should you accommodate rubbish. Be wise, calm but assertive.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best.
God bless you mystic, no time for nonsense. Just can't deal. I no fit for eye service abeg. Like seriously, I do things to please God according to his will and not to please Man.
DeleteWhen I was still single, I did most of my hols in my aunty's house here in Lag, will help her and her daughter in-law run their shops and also assist with house chores, and my aunty's daughter in-law was the one responsible for my feeding back then, I never acted like Iya oko of sought at all, cos I didn't grow up with such mentality, I am well educated and exposed by God's grace, so my thinking has never been in that level, maybe because I was born and bred in the south. The matter pain me well well. Poster it's well with you.
DeleteWell u never shared the full story. The comments u got that day was based on the post you made and not based on this story.
ReplyDeleteWhat ever you do, do not stop praying. Being quiet does not mean someone is a fool. Put your foot down.
ReplyDeleteMay God keep your home. But no husband's sister dare shout on me o. Na that day we go know who shout past. My brothers no get wife? Me sef be somebody's sis in law and I no give them headache
ReplyDeleteThey never born thay person well..especially when I did no wrong ..na that time they go know say gentle people get craze for head..
DeleteYou're both co-wives? And your husband allow her talk and treat you in such manner. If it was even a sister/brother-in-law it would have been a little bit tolerable
ReplyDeleteHA!!!!!!.....running away from yoruba suitors mbok....
ReplyDeleteAh!!!!!!!
This is just too much
You don't have to run from Yoruba suitors all you need to do is to follow the one Thu respects you, that can stand for you before his family.
DeleteAll Yoruba people are not be but just few of them. You also need to pray for a good in-law b.it Yoruba or not just ask for nice people as your in-laws.
Empress, go and listen to in- laws from Anambra, especially if you are not from the same Anambra... Besides, it all depends on your Husband. Regardless of tribe, race or skin colour... Deal with people based on their personalities not tribe
DeleteDon't buy Aso Ebi for children. Make sure you and your husband go on the day of the ceremony and before.
ReplyDeleteNext time do not accommodate, allow or tolerate any rubbish from them. It is what you allow, accommodate or tolerate that people do to you.
Chai! Somebody was shouting on you and you kept qwayet??? Chai!!! Thank God I dey crase sha.
ReplyDeleteI remember the bashing you got. Pele dear. They all typing as if they don't know the rubbish in laws put wives too. I had a feeling there was more to your story. Do what you feel is right. That niece of yours will experience worse in her own home. Na so e dey usually end. Nevertheless, forgive and forget.
ReplyDeleteStand up for yourself madam. Not seeing asoebi will not solve your problem. Tell your niece she must join you to cook and give her daily chores to do. Next time you go to village assist to where you can when you are tired rest. Senior wife or no don’t allow her talk to you anyhow. You have not done anything madam your situation has not yet changed
ReplyDeleteIt's good u took your stand. Your husband should be able to protect u from family bullies too.Forgive them but u have to set a limit to what you accept from them. I like your courage.
ReplyDeleteWell I am yoruba and married a yoruba. I know some people can frustrate you especially the rural ones with our culture this n that issues but I am glad you stood your ground. No one is less than the other because you are married into the family. I have learnt to give excuses for family gathering because i dont want to be disrespected or to disrespect anyone.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you want us to do, when you started what you can't finish.
ReplyDeleteYou have been taken the shit, why not continue taking it, since you couldn't put your foot on the ground ? That's nobody's business aunty.
You have a serious problem, i repeat, you're not a saint too.
You get for hand. You just want people to think you're a good person but no, you're not.
Thanks,no be your fault now....... I am too quiet and I know the kind of father I have thats why. Ever since I got married,he said bye. He believes once a woman is married, no matter what,no coming back or reporting family issues. I want peace thats was why i have been doing like mumu to my inlaws but I have been taken for granted......
DeleteDon,May God forgive you o ooo because no marriage is perfect. Even if you are enjoy your spouse,in laws that are not happy seeing you happy with their spouse will always raise their ugly heads..........
Judge Don Simon, nobody's perfect we all know that, let it rest.
DeleteI know u will still come and show ur stupidity....
Delete@ judge Don Simon got me 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣 kukuma call him vinotito instead 🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeletePlease get something doing..I mean something that fetches u money on a regular of u idle .Save up ..Marriage isn't meant to be that way..assuming u were facing domestic Violence ..or near death abuse(God forbid)that means u 'll be trapped cuz ur parents won't take u back?
DeleteNawa ooo
Poster abeg Don is the least of your problems. Since you started it, you can finish it! You have to buck up and be courageous. DO NOT DO ANYTHING at that party except be a guest. Dress well, greet everyone well and sit down. If anyone comes to ask you to do anything, smile and say you are coming but don't move an inch.
DeletePoster, you have a problem, I will keep aying it,it's written all oer your comments,you can fool those that are easily away by one sided story, not me.
DeleteYou have a problematic and you don't like to listen to other people.
Thank you Don
DeleteWhat rubbish, I'm Yoruba married to a Yoruba man, I don't call any mum u aunty or brother, except the one I'm older by a year,and we both respect each other, NY mother in law wanted ti start what she can't finish, I ignore her to the last, now she's seeking attention, we a traveled last year to their town, my father in law have 2 houses, my family stayed with my father in law and mother in law in the same place,and the rest were at the second house, I woke up in the morning to take Care of my kids, and she started shouting I should leave what I'm doing and go n meet the rest, I told her hubby is out with the car, that when he comes back he will go ndrop me, she said can't you climb bike,I said ive not climbed bike in years, I called hubby to come quick cos she has started carrying face, got to where the rest are, they already cooked rice, I wash plates and clean up, she came and was asking if I helped them, I just look at her and didnt talk, after we left for Lagos, I stopped all communication with her, now na she dey find me
ReplyDeleteGood one.
DeletePoster don’t worry just keep praying and stood your ground and what you can do, don’t do anything to please anyone, look after your kids. That’s what I am doing with my in-law, if your husband can not fight for you fight for yourself.Set a limit. God bless you
DeleteJust comply with them with the children outfit it takes nothing out of your body
ReplyDeleteNever? I won't and will never buy that girls material,Mark my words! I have been pushed to to the wall and I no be mumu. She takes me for a fool and I will stop calling her aunty nonsense.wear someone's shoes before you know wants up. If you were the one in my shoes,will u really do that?
DeleteEven my husband's sibling is already begging my husband not to stop me from performing duties during parties becuase of her small children,in short,she needs me for her small children's wedding,planning already oooooo.
So they are already planning for you to come and wash plates again..
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂 oga oo
What's with the calling of Aunty??dont just get it..ani the girl or lady no get name ni?Please call her by her name..Heaven won't be let loose.Look her in the face and call her by her name.If she talk too much,bringbout birth certificate show am..what nonsense?even of u re 5 years older than me..ll call u by your name..even 7 years sef..or call her Sis..
DeletePoster Stan your ground from not buying any yeye material. Do not assist herwith her daughter's wedding plan. Is because you always make yourself available that is why they are insulting you.
DeleteStart forming busy even if you are not busy.
Under no circumstances should you buy the material or even lift a finger!! Just buy one yeye present, put it in the largest box you can find and make sure you are on video presenting it. Then sit down like a guest and let others serve you for a change. You need to DEMAND that respect from them. They have misfired badly and need to be out in their place.
Deleteyoruba inlaws are something else. Me do mumu, because of peace and say i marry only son again, i will apologise to sisters younger than my youngest brother. Only for their son to begin to take my mumuism for granted, carry women and then his mother will say dont i know girls are dying for him in their area. initially na me go sha beg when he turns it to quarrel, then the sisters that lived in my house without cooking for me will open their mouth to be reporting me to their mum who will help keep the malice. All of them na malice oo, i will still settle fight amongst them. small thing their mama go call lambast me for phone for hours but could not tell her son to drop car for me with three kids or even give me peace. I will beg son, beg mother, beg younger sisters. their papa wey been dey my side they kukuma turn him against me. Then the son said he no marry again, told his friends that his mother said i can kill him since i am not happy about his lifestlye. Okay no wahala, file for divorce, no. They want to eat their cake and have it. they expected i will come running to Ijebu like before to beg. I locked up, took time to heal and face my work and kids. I just got a car to make life easy for my children. I cannot come and die. As i no be yoruba, they disresected me. Yorubas need to know that that you marry someone no mean say i no get family ooo.
ReplyDeletethe mother will even be saying so can you take care of the children alone, i have told my daughters to allow their husbands have gfs so you have to accept. Well i am their nemesis, i will change the narrative. I get SIL too and she has been amazing. she and my bro never fight one day so wetin go make us get issue. even if they do, how is it my biz. My own is i beg her not to beat my nieces because those children can trouble her. even my sis' husband, i call him my bf even though my sis tells me some silly things he does but i have never reacted when we talk because it is not my biz, my own is to listen to my sis and pacify her dazall. Yorubas esp Ijebus, na wa oooo. My kids wont be like them o. That i must ensure God willing.
God will continue to see you through.
DeleteFor men who see this, please stand up for your wives, no one can disrespect a woman you stand up for.
Thank God i cannot pretend, if anyone talks il be jokingly giving you my response... No one gets angry cus na joke I dey joke but them go get the message.
I am Yoruba and Ijebu and come from the part of Ijebus that other Ijebus fear sef. When dealing with them don't ever be a mumu. My Great Aunt who married into our family dealt with her inlaws mercilessly. When they go to visit her she will only offer water. If she mistakenly offers food she will make sure the meat is hard and there is a lot of pepper so the food is inedible. She is still in our family 40 years later. Meanwhile my other aunt that was so nice became the family scapegoat. Sometimes you have to be tough and stand up for youself.
DeletePoster I am in same boat as you are. I am from Rivers state married to a Yoruba, my in-laws and sister in-laws tried all these to me as well, the worse was that my hubby will alway take their side. One faithful day I have it right back to SIL that is not married that attacked me verbally. I faced her and cussed the hell out her, they were all shocked! They talked, yelled, called family meetings, guess what? I didn’t attend, and didn’t give a damn, after that everyone knew to stay the hell away from me. All these Yoruba in-laws will test you and push you as far as they can. Respectfully let them know what you can and cannot tolerate, forget all these people talking about “using diplomacy” the fact you’re married don’t mean you should be enslaved or keep tolerating foolishness all in the name of it’s all family. They will mess with your mental health!
ReplyDeleteDon't buy if you don't want to.
ReplyDeleteDo thing because u want to.
If u have good in-laws may it blossom
If not give them distance for your sanity cos their bitterness can drain u
That your husband niece her mother was treating and talking to you anyhow because of what her daughter told her about you, I call it see finish that is why the mother could abuse you.
ReplyDeleteYour husband on the other hand didn't stand up for you when his sister was insulting you. I don't like men who will not stand up for their wives when family members insult them. The harm has already been done I guess she has learnt her lesson never to abuse you again.
That girl will face more than what you faced from her in-laws. If I were to be you i will tell her on the wedding day enjoy the fight, play, in-laws insult as you have done to me. Wish you more stress
from in-law than you and your mother did to me and I will move.
If you are a lady but you always fight your brothers, your sister in-laws your turn is coming oh. Mark it some where someone will do more to you than you ever expect .
Amen my sister
DeleteUna dey try ooo.Doing all these to please useless in-law that even worth the stress.
ReplyDeleteEven if I marry a Yoruba..will never call someone I'm 10 yrs older than or less "Aunty"...I dey mad??na u cause am..What hapd to calling her by her name?Don't do what u can't finish oo.Thank God say I be Igbo..Imagine residing with me my junior..and expect me to cook,feed u,cleans and take care of my kids while u there watching tv in my parlour.. As what now??as 2nd wife wey u be abi wetin.U guys enter marriage with plenty meekness.Walahi.! The girl dey craze?
Your hubby is also to be blamed.He is an enabler.What hapd to calling her into the kitchen to assist with one or do?Abi na fear u dey fear am?I've lived with many relation who were married and never displayed such characters.The mumu don do abeg.If u know where u coming from..u won't slave at all to please anyone.
The woman children no dey work?what were they doing?At the end..she still called u out.Well,thank God,u've received sense..u no be mumu raised to power 200 again..All these Nduli(hard labour)makes one age quickly...I dey vex abeg.
You people should pipe down with the Yoruba bashing. A bad in-law will frustrate your life inrespective of tribe. I am yourba and married to Yoruba. I lived with my inlaws from wedding day for over 5 years and we never heard any argument form our quaters. We live and let live.... Even when we are angry and upset with each other, we get over it like we would if we are siblings. No one calls me Aunty and I call no one aunty/uncle- shikena. Anyplace i sense frustration setting in - i send money on errand. If food is going to be an issue, i buy more. If house chores will become and issue, i hire extra help. If use of car become and issue - i take uber. I like my peace more than proving a point and they are equally good people with no real intention to harm. We are all human and make room for each others fault. Our ability to get along is not a yoruba thing; neither is being mean to a wife married into the family. People are nice or mean in all tribes; we just manifest it in different ways.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind them. The story I heard about a particular tribe and how they bring all their siblings and extended siblings to join them in marriage surprised me and everyone will be shouting youruba this and that. All tribes have their own in their bodies just marry from a good family irrespective of the tribe and you will be fine.
DeleteThis narrative shows there is only one story but different versions or narratives. Most BVs first judged you based on your first narrative of your story. So, please do not blame them. Apparently, you have received some bad treatment from your husband's brother's wife and her daughter. And you want to fight back. It is good to now take a stand but please do not be combative. Do not go the "bo le ka ja" way. Pardon my Yoruba. Based on my limited knowledge, I suggest that you buy the children Asoebi. You may chose not to cook or wash plates or sweep or do any other chores. By the way, I thought it is permissible to hire somebody to represent you in such chores if you are not up to it or available at the time of need. May be you should consider that option. Make your withdrawal from their "demands" gradual.
ReplyDeleteLastly, it appears there is something between your husband and his brother that you do not know about but which your husband's brother's wife/daughter know about. Was your husband trained by his brother? Did the brother make a personal sacrifice for the advancement of your husband?, etc. The behaviour of the other wife and that of her daughter portrays they are asking for pay back. Unfortunately, for you, it appears your husband his using your goodwill to pay back.
In-laws and their trouble....I think from the onset please let them know what you can take!!!My sis inlaw called me to say she was on her way to my house with her family without any prior notice oh..That their flight one thing one thing happened ..I shld leave my business and prepare them something. Lmao .I just called her brother ..Me that my head is not okay ...Guy talk to your sister....How dare she?As in I shld stand up ...Leave my store because say you be who?She called back to appologise and told me she didn't mean to sound like that .Till tody they how they talk to me ..I can't take shit because I married your brother ...You bring shit I flush it down your throat .Women stop doing eye service ..what you know you cant do please do not start .
ReplyDeleteFrom day one,during my wedding preparations,I made it clear that I will not tolerate any nonsense from anybody. I stayed on my lane and kept a distance from everyone. They complained at first but I attributed it to work. I guess you are not busy! I attend any function same day and go back home same day. I never sleep over,never. If I travel,I sleep in a hotel,yes,hotel! I dont care what they think of me. And as a rule,nobody comes to stay in my house. You made yourself too available and you need to stop that rubbish from now on. I respect myself and they have no choice but to comply.This is my 15the year in marriage and nobody has spoken to me anyhow,not even my mil. Of course am aware they talk alot behind my back,but who cares? As long as you dont say it in my front! So you caused your problems. Give them space,take back your dignity.
ReplyDeleteI cant believe you are even considering going for the wedding. I understand that it may be due to the respect for your husband but my dear desperate situations and all that....fake a very strong illness and dont go. Shikena.
ReplyDeleteGuess what...they will only talk..they cant kill you.
Dear poster, it's not only Yorubas óò. I was married to an Edo man, that how his family behaved too, treating wives like slaves. They need harsh women to put them in their place and that's what they will get. Wicked Inlaws.
ReplyDeleteMe? Marry yoruba man??maybe if he lives abroad far from family and has a mindset Independent of naija thinking. I would rather marry white or Caribbean sef than naija not to talk of yoruba. As a yoruba lady, I saw all my mom went thru n don't wish that for myself. Suffering and smiling on top say I want to be mrs. Marrying Nigerian is not a must. Yoruba men that don't even know how to be faithful. Shior
ReplyDeleteFrom the tone of your narrative, I knew you weren't the troublemaker. I understand your type of person. You have a strong sense of self, of justice and of boundaries. That's how I am too. I believe in live and let live and giving what you expect from others. I'm proud of you for the way you handled the woman. You acted with wisdom. I pray for even greater wisdom upon you to continue because be rest assured that more situations will arise. Some people hardly change. But for her to apologise, it means she has self-awareness and it is possible to have a better relationship with her. Do all you can to participate in the wedding and to make it successful - the God who sees you will reward you. All the best
ReplyDelete