STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SIBLINGS WITH ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY
Dear Stella good day to you,
Please I need urgent advice as things wan spoil. I am a single mother managing my life, God has been good no doubt but I really do not have any other source of income except my job.
now my problem is this...my mother and elderly siblings live in another state to be honest it hasn't been easy for them as none of them are doing anything. their house rent there has expired and the landlord is threatening to throw them out. As for me I just managed to pay my own rent so all my savings have been spent. I had plans that I will take loan from my bank and start up a business but as it is now this rent thing is giving me sleepless night.
my siblings are begging me to borrow money to take care of the rent,but if I do how will i pay back cos it will really affect me and none of them will do anything to help me pay it.but if I use it to do business at least from the returns I can pay back the loan.but I am really worried for my mum especially I don't want her to go through this humiliation,Since my elderly ones are not capable.
Please advice me what do I do?
*Do not borrow money to pay rent for your shameless siblings when you are also in need.let them go and be productive...Since it is your mum,you are worried about,get her over to your place to manage with you...Only take money you know you can pay back
Whatever help u decide to render, do not render to your detriment.
ReplyDeleteBest advice . Poster it’s love ur Neigbour as urself , u can contribute but loan for them? Ha no o. Why r ur siblings not working tho
DeletePoster take Stella's advice.
DeleteDon't make the mistake of letting your mum convince you to take in any of your siblings else you are done for. Don't say you weren't warned. They are ur siblings doesn't mean their burdens have to be yours oh.
Its only your mum you owe no one else so be wise and dont be a push over
Stella nailed it.
DeletePoster, your mum should either move in with you or since she is not doing anything in the city then let her go to the village and live in the family house where she won't pay rent.
The city is for the productive and this is the reason we shouldn't burn bridges that lead to our villages. Your siblings can go home and be useful in the farms. We need food production in Nigeria. Some people just enjoy being dependent.
I have said it times with out number that any human that is not sick and can not feed,pay rent and clothe his/her self is not fit to live. Even animals take care of that for them selves how much humans? Do you know the risk rat in your house take to come out in search of food? Or the risk birds take to land on ground to feed? You think it’s that easy for them? Humans don’t even take as much risk as these animals to feed. stand up and do something some people will never. You elder siblings think say them fine pass my mechanic? Or fine pass the lady that sells tomatoes for me at the market or the guy that kills and cleans up my chicken at the market or the keke guy that just passed me or the conductor shouting agege or my neighbor that has a fish farm or my street lady that fries gari? Laziness and assumption will Kill a lot of people.
DeleteSo people should be killed or die cos they can’t feed themselves.? How evil are you
Delete18:35 what makes 17:59 evil?
DeleteAdults that are healthy and idle would sooner or later die of hunger.
They could do any of the things listed by 17:59 or work as nannies, laundryman/woman, bakers tailors or trading. No, they are too proud in their idleness to take up humble, honest enterprise.
No healthy adult should be idle.
Anon 17:59, what do you mean by 'Any human that is not sick and can not feed,pay rent and clothe his/her self is not fit to live'
DeleteWho are you that gives you the right to say who is fit to live and who isn't? What type of arrogance is this?
It seems you've always had it easy for you that's why you can make these annoying sweeping statements.
People are suffering and it's not because they are lazy, but simply because they have just been unfortunate. Some had it good before life happened to them and everything went downhill.
Stop being so arrogant. Everything you have can disappear just like that!
Anon 18:35 and 19:24 did I skata the table both of you are sleeping on? Call it what ever you like, I work hard to take care of my self in as much as I am a very cool guy, when it comes to paying bill and all that ,I get my hands dirty. I broke up with a girl because of that mind set, she say I am too fine to do some type of jobs, but I just ignored her and did my thing. I told her there is time for everything. When I was in school and my parents paid all my bills, clothes and style was my thing, but right now the chicken have come home to roast I need to keep my head up,you either stay or leave,cos I can’t pretend to be who I am not cos at the end of the day I will become a beggar and its dehumanizing to be a beggar. If you can read then you will see where I wrote IF YOU ARE NOT SICK . No food for lazy man Abeg. As long as God has given you good health their is alway something you can do to give your self basic things in life. You can’t stand up
DeleteLeave your house in the Morning and come back empty handed unless you don’t have sense. Selling of pure water on the street is earning a living. That is different from buying cars and expensive phones or living a luxury life. Which is what most of you are after. Luxury life is not basic thing in life. I said basics like food,clothes and shelter. If her siblings are not assuming let them go and serve someone to learn a trade Carpenter na work, hair dresser na work, selling fruits on the street side too na work
Anon 21:36👊👊👊👊👊
DeleteEmpty useless and degrading pride
DeleteIgnorance
Laziness
Entitlement
Signs of people who have no self respect
I mean it shouldn't be that hard...bring your mom over to your house and let your siblings sought themselves out.
ReplyDeleteI hate jobless/lazy folks. As long as you are not deformed, I think you can find something to do to survive.
Do not borrow money for that rent.
Poster go get your mum or tell her to go the village.
DeleteYour siblings are VERY LAZY,if you pay their rent now, they will expect you to be doing it all the time. They will use the excuse that, your mum is living with them.
Wise up and tell them you are Managing too, the only help you can give, is letting your mum come stay with you. Everyone should carry their cross o.
Loan you can't pay or have no idea of how you're going to pay back. You don't want to put yourself in that sort of situation.. It can give you sleepless night and you start resenting your family.
ReplyDeleteCall for a family meeting, you all should reason together on what next to do but make it clear to them you can't help at this time because you don't have. Don't just ignore them by distancing yourself. Encouraging words will help them too.
When you borrow money to pay this time and they can't refund you, what will happen when next the rent expired ?
ReplyDeleteThey will have to call you again to help them pay since you have been paying it .
Once you start it, you won't be able to stop it, I'm going through same thing right now, I decided to be of help to someone and he made it my full time duty, just because I agreed to it the first time.
Don't start what you wont be able to finish and don't borrow money to pay debt or rent for them.
DON, sound advice.👍
DeleteThird time I agreed with you.
Keep this pattern of reasoning up.
Wise words
DeleteStella took the words out of my mouth as I was reading....Let your mom come and stay with you for now. Your older siblings can sort themselves out that should not be your headache.
ReplyDeleteSupported. Also know that as you pay now, you will pay the next, and the next, and the next and it will come to stay. Before you know it, you will be carrying on other financial burdens of theirs and it will finally become you duty to do so with a full blown entitlement from them.
DeleteFurther more, even your mom you are considering in bringing over will become more of a financial burden to you because you will try to make her comfortable at your own expense which she doesn’t know but will conclude you are living well off and claiming not to. Give it a while, your siblings will start paying visits and staying over and before long, they will be living with you.
Please my own suggestion, get your mum a self con that you can foot alongside yours. You need your privacy and need to start working towards the future. Do not let them turn you into something else at this young age. They had and still have time in their hands, they should get off their asses and become useful to themselves and your mum.
If you start now, you will never ever break free of their grip and when you do, you will become the evil sibling that has arrived and forgot the family. In all, think it through seriously and also seek God’s guidance.
😘 All will be well. Be safe.
What kind of siblings do you have?
ReplyDeleteYou better wise up and don't allow anybody to cajole you into taking a loan with your details. Who even borrow money to pay house rent....
They should go and work. You should stop enabling their lazy arses (your mum excluded)
Is because you've been giving to them, that's why they are all relying on you.
They will find a way to get money to pay their house rent.
As in what kinda siblings does she have. Imagine them ont their asses. What have they been doing all this while.
DeleteYou don't know the situation with them as she didn't state it so calling them 'Lazy arses' is wrong. You people should stop using abusive words when you are advising. It is so unnecessary and could be very hurtful to the poster.
DeleteWhat is abusive in calling lazy people by their true title!
DeleteThe poster said none of her siblings are working.... What does that make them?
Every now and then, there's a signboard of a receptionist wanted, a sales girl/woman wanted, what stops them from taking these jobs and earning a living for themselves.
We all don't have the same opinion.
Thank you Ms A. 😀
DeleteElder siblings asking you to borrow..Why can’t they borrow themselves?
ReplyDeleteYou are not responsible for their lazy asses. Imagine living off of your struggling younger one.
Move your mother in with you like Stella said and if she’s objects, let her know that that’s the only viable option.
Lol there are siblings with such mentality. One of my older sis actually called and made such demand. I should request for salary advance from the office and give to her. I literally went berserk on the phone. Got myself under control and told her naaaa I can’t do that. She was like, why? And I’m like, bc I don’t want to. If I need it for something tangible, then I will request. I can’t do it bc you haven’t given me reason on what you need it for and you are vague on paying back. I’m sorry I can’t. She said ok and cut the call. When you don’t dance to her entitled demand, she blanks you. Ain’t bothered tho. This is a year later, sebi she is alive and well.
DeleteDear poster, please think it through before deciding upon anything. Family!!!!
And how do you know they are lazy? Madam judgina!. Have you not seen people hustling but are still unable to make lump sum for rent payment?. The poster did not suggest they were idle and lazy. Just advise and don't insult.
DeleteYou did well, boo. What kinda manipulation is that?
DeleteMadam anon, OP wrote they aren’t doing anything. You want to be combative. Didn’t you call me Judgina now?
DeleteKettle
Aunty 16:36, they are lazy!!! That's what they are lazy! What if their younger sister had no job? Won't they look for money on their own? Rubbish!!!
DeleteLol don’t bother engaging the anon. Jumping on every comment that refers to them as lazy. Pretty sure he or she is in that category. 😄😄
DeleteAsk your mom to come stay with you.
ReplyDeleteLet your siblings go stay with friends
Yes and keep it that way
DeleteGet a loan from your bank to pay for rent and live life of debt for a very very long time.
ReplyDeleteBe miserable and resentful on top
DeleteWhat a dicey situation..
ReplyDeleteIf you will bring your mum over to your place, then your siblings will definitely come and stay with you through your mum's influence.
I'd advice; How sure are you that the rent has expired? That its not a ploy to get money from you😂😂
You know how our mums and siblings can be a lil bit dramatic..
Why not travel? Or look for someone you know very well that stays in your hood to find out things.
Then if truly they are on the verge of being evicted. That loan you will collect it ooo.
But you will have to addition and substraction.
1. The business you want to do; how much will the capital and other expenses cost you?
2. How much is their rent? Let's say 100-150k. Then that means any loan you are collecting, you will collect more.
3. Pay half of the rent to the landlord directly or almost all, explain to him how things are. He should understand.
4. Back to the remaining loan, it should be OK to start the business.
But note that 6 months after the start of business is when you start seeing your profit oo.
Wish you luck dear.. But my mind dey tell me say uno dey do any business Jere😂😂, say you wan escape them by crook and cranner..😉😉😉
But this is your mum.. Your M.U.M
Thank you. Everyone saying mum come stay with you. Trust me, everyone will come. Inshort just follow this advice. Shikena
DeleteOla You comment really makes so much sense, honestly. I pray they don’t bully her into doing their bidding.
DeleteFollow this advice. If you take in your mum, before you know it, one by one they will come visiting and they will stay
DeleteJust stick to Stella's advice...
ReplyDeleteListen to stella’s advice.
ReplyDeletePoster if you can, move your mum over to where you are based. I really wouldn't advice taking out a loan to pay their rent, it would be a huge burden plus your own rent in the next fleeting year but please if you can, squeeze out a little money for them not necessarily the rent money. Let them borrow if they can and let your mum join you please.
ReplyDeleteImport only Mama so that she can be taken care of.
ReplyDeletePlead with your elder ones to bear with you and see how they can do something for themselves to help the entire situation of the family.
Don't borrow for rent o! Tough love is what you need to practise at this point in time and in the long run it will be better for you and those ones who take the challenge to work on themselves. Do that business that you have in mind for extra income, maybe Mama could help you out with managing it while you do you job, so long it's not stressful for her.
I already feel for you as a single mother. Let them have same consideration toward you now.
Kizzezzzzz to your bab(y/ies).
Your older siblings are not working? How are they managing to get by?
ReplyDeleteHow much is this rent?
You can raise half and ask them to raise the other half. That's fair enough.
This corona season, one needs peace.
Sluttychic.
Please do as Stella said.
ReplyDeleteYour siblings are like my hubs immediate elder brother, a spoilt entitled brat that aYour siblings are like my hubs immediate elder brother, a spoilt entitled brat that always wants everything to go his way, he doesn't care about your need except his which he will end up using the money to chase women around town. Thank God for me, my hub would have been worthless cos of his constant demands as hub is indirectly scared of him thereby showing too much respect for him while dude is a bully. I had to show him a little attitude and gradually marking my boundary and dude is busy calling me a strong woman and recieving sense small small. Just stand your ground and only focus on your mum, do not allow someone push you into temptation you won't be able to take yourself out from in the name of pleasing ones blood, be wise.lways wants everything to go his way, he doesn't care about your need except his which he will end up using the money to chase women around town. Thank God for me, my hub would have been worthless cos of his constant demands as hub is indirectly scared of him thereby showing too much respect for him while dude is a bully. I had to show him a little attitude and gradually marking my boundary and dude is busy calling me a strong woman and recieving sense small small. Just stand your ground and only focus on your mum, do not allow someone push you into temptation you won't be able to take yourself out from in the name of pleasing ones blood, be wise.
ReplyDeleteYour husband's elder brother, a brat?
DeleteHmmm Anon 15:49, I once wrote she should be careful of the way she paints her husband and his family here and Stella didn't post. But I want to believe it's pregnancy hormones. Stella pls post this. It's not an insult but an advice.
DeletePlease, don't ask Queen Amy that question @15:49.
DeleteGo and live with the said husband's elder brother and find out first hand.
You can update us with your opinion later.
No matter what happened you shouldn't call your husband's elder brother and brat nah, that's not nice...
DeleteYou should send in your own chronicle instead of turning the poster's own to your' 'opportunity to rant'
DeleteShe has every right to call her husband's elder sibling a "brat". I bet those insulting her are married to or are as entitled as her in law
DeleteYou all what’s with the bashing of people when they state their opinion or compare a situation to theirs? And yes older people can be bratty. Some people don’t grow up. Stop with the bashing now?
DeleteIf you don't know what she is going through , u have no right to judge her words. U don't know how terrible some of these people are. I went through the same from hubby's family especially his elder sister, its seems my hubby was scared of her. She will ask for so much that when hubby doesn't have he will go and borrow from people to give her and she will never pay back. Hubby will only give me small money knowing I will I will find a,way The sister will then use it buy irrelevant expensive items for herslf amd children and will even come and brag about it in your face. The sad part is he has lost his job, we have teenage children and we see no help coming. Imagine how I felt when he stopped working and there was absolutely nothing in his account with debts I didn't know he owed. He at a point took out the money in our children's account to borrow someone without getting it back
DeleteHope you're not asking us if you should borrow to pay their rent for your mum's sake. Please don't even consider that at all. It'd be better you take Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteMoreover, how have they been coping with the rent all the while? Please if you must borrow,it should strictly be for your business and nothing else. You can bring your mum over to your place let the other ones find their way.
Poster why do you have to borrow to pay their rent? Why can't they borrow to pay their rent themselves? My dear my and my siblings always contribute money to pay for my mother's rent but when mother decided to stay with me I was responsible for her upkeep and my rent. So do not allow them to cajole you to pay for what is not your responsibility except you take in your mother and forget about them let them sort themselves out ooo! Open your eyes dont go and be a mumu for family that can't stand for you ooo when the time comes.
ReplyDeleteDo not collect any loan to pay any rent, if is possible do not collect loan to start up a business you are not sure of the returns.
ReplyDeleteLock up from your siblings by telling them the bank has refused to give you loan, never you allow anyone push you into something you will for ever regret it.
Your siblings should also go and collect loan and pat for their rent. Bring your mother to your place.
If you still have family house in your village tell them to relocate back to the village since they cannot hustle. The ones that are babes can as well get married so that the stress will be less.
I'll advise you not to borrow for this cause. Bring your mum over to your place and your siblings need to stand up and start taking responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteOnce you pay it now, they might just feel relaxed and you will keep paying it, which doesn't make sense at all.
Loan. Its is better to take a loan you will be able to repay cos the bank will not ask you what you did with the loan. They must collect their money when the time is due so please think well. If you have enough space at your house you can let your mum stay with you while your other siblings go out and look for work.
ReplyDeleteLoan. Its is better to take a loan you will be able to repay cos the bank will not ask you what you did with the loan. They must collect their money when the time is due so please think well. If you have enough space at your house you can let your mum stay with you while your other siblings go out and look for work.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.. it's easy to move her mother in with her but will the mum be willing to go knowing her other children might be thrown to the streets?? Mothers here saying yenyenyenyenyen it's easier said than done. If it were me, depending on the amount of rent, I might help them pay half then keep half for my business and ensure my siblings know they have to find something to do because I might not be able to help anytime soon. Trust me God has a way of providing miraculously for people that help..If you know the principles of giving, you will give willingly because you will never be put to shame.
ReplyDeletemay God bless you and reward you for your wisdom.
Deleteits sad it is mostly women here saying she should forget her siblings.
@17:07 her siblings should go and work!!!!
DeleteHmm.. That's how my parents paid rent for my elder sister and her husband in 2016 because things were hard for them. He lost his job and my sister could not afford it as she doesn't earn much. They're still paying rent till today. They've paid every year since 2016. They're always complaining that things are hard yet they've gone ahead to have 3 children since 2016. My parents pay feeding money, hospital bills, school fees, house rent. It is so annoying. So freaking annoying!!! My foolish sister and husband have become so entitled!! You need to see the way she speaks to my parents when asking for money. Like it's their duty.
DeleteMy parents are tired. We're all tired!! This is someone that went to the best schools, was given so many great opportunities. She went and married down after several warnings. The annoying thing is the man is not hard working. He does not know how to hustle. Imagine a man calling his inlaws for money! My parents have really tried. They've given large sum of money several times. After a few months, they'll still call to ask for money.
Just 3 days ago my dad was telling me that my sister called to ask for 200k. I wish my parents especially my mum will learn how to show tough love. My mum needs to put her foot down cos she's just an enabler. All my sister needs to do is to just cry over the phone. My dad just retired he should be thinking about himself and my mum right now but my sister wants to kill them with demands as if they're plucking money from trees. I'm sorry I just had to rant.
Dear poster, PLEASE DON'T take loan for anyone to pay rent. You'll keep paying the rent once you start. Take only your mum in just as Stella suggested. Let your elder ones go and hustle. They are adults. Everyone is hustling!!
Hey you anons 👆 up there come and see an example of an elder who is a brat!!!!! A super entitled brat. Allow people to draw parallels from other peoples story. If you don’t like it waka pass and stop the bullying!!!
Delete@18:01 I feel your frustration. I feel bad for your parents.
DeleteYour sister just gave your parents 4 extra children (3 + her hubby) to cater for in their old age,
The worst part is such people keep having children they can't even feed.
You and your other siblings should invite you sister her hubby and husband's family and kinsmen for a meeting. Let them all know what a burden your BIL has become to your parents. HE NEEDS THAT WAKE UP CALL.
Your sister is not sensitive about your parents age and what her burden could be doing to their health.
Dear anon 19:40, Myself, parents and siblings have called for meetings several times. His parents? They're not different from the guy. My sister and her husband live outside Lagos. We've asked them to relocate to Lagos severally as they're both not doing anything tangible where they are. (Well.. according to them. ) My dad was willing to let go of one of his houses so they won't have to worry about shelter. He's been going up and down trying to get them jobs or at least, get one of them something. He was planning to even give them a very large sum of money for business. He just needed to see a business plan and seriousness from their part. But for where? They've refused to acknowledge any of the meetings. They've refused to relocate. All they want is money, money! At a point, my dad threatened he wasn't going to send any money till they relocate. They pretended like they were ready to move to Lagos and when we all were awaiting their arrival, she said her husband just got a job. I was happy. Like finally! But you won't believe that they both lied. They stopped calling for money like for two months. They've resumed back to begging. When my parents asked about the supposed job her husband said he got, they said it is yet to click. Imagine!! Sometimes ehn, I think they're both scamming my parents. I just have no proof. Everytime my parents say they want to visit, they'll give one excuse or the other. We don't know where they live. It's sad cos we can't visit to see their living condition for ourselves. After each delivery, my mum wanted to visit. She told my mum to send money instead that her neighbors and church members were handling things. Noone knows where she lives. It's sad that herself and husband are the same. They're both so selfish. So entitled and shameless. So so shameless.
DeleteWait first, are you sure that guy hasn't jazzed her, was she always like that from childhood, or did she suddenly change after getting married. You guys have to weigh your decisions, of its spiritual start plans on getting her out. How can none of you have visited her place since she got married. Something isn't right.
DeleteSame type married to each other👎👎👎
DeletePoster, please advise them to relocate to your village home along with your.
ReplyDeleteThere's no need for adults who are not earning a living to live in a rented apartment in another state.
You can send monthly feeding allowance and don't need to bring your mom over. If all her older able-bodied children chose not to work, I suspect she is their enabler.
Bringing your mom over would open up the door for your older siblings to come and live with you.
Do not borrow money to pay their rent or foot their bills.
along with your *mom*.
DeleteInvite your MUM over, let your elder siblings sort themselves
ReplyDeleteWhen you take a loan,you will be paying back with interest,any loan you take should be put into something that will yield more money,how can your elder siblings not be doing anything??you will be shocked to see them pay that rent or rent another place when you don't give them at the end...most siblings are selfish and will drain you while they save theirs for the betterment of their future
ReplyDeleteDon't start what you cannot finish o. I am living with entitled siblings who cannot pay rent yet have mouth to eat anyhow and tell you how to spend your money and I regret everyday that I invited them to live with me. How to entangle myself I still don't know.
ReplyDeleteI repeat, don't start what you cannot finish.
Rent a smaller place 6 months before your present rent expires. Gradually move your personal thing, then take a leave from your job. Or ask your employer for transfer to a new location. Pull the disappearing act on them.THEY WILL SIT UP!
DeleteIf the house is yours, lease it out for 3 to 5 years and move to a smaller place. If you are in business, cut off buying any food and all that keeps them comfortable in your house.
Listen to anon 19:57
DeleteLockup against manipulation and emotional blackmail
Watch your back and don't expect reasonable behaviour
My dear. Me few years back will say pls borrow money and pay their rent but my dear. My eye don see something. Don't be surprised those your siblings are richer than you. When you are always the one carrying burden in a family. Most people tend to feel its your responsibility. Others will use their money to invest in projects. They will not let you know because they don't want you to know they have Money. Believe me they will never believe you don't have money or that you borrowed the money. Please ignore them for now. When they see that you are serious. You will hear that the rent has been paid by them. Tell mum you don't have money and there is nothing you can do. Send her the little you have for upkeep. Let her stay with them. She is their mother too.
ReplyDeleteDon't invite your mum,because your Siblings will end up relocating with her. If you were dead,won't they live? or would they live on the Street?
ReplyDeleteThey way the chronicle was written has led to the advice(s) above.
ReplyDeleteThe world is round and when you offer help to people in need you are actually helping yourself.
However your intuition directs in this matter please follow it.
If it says give,by all means give and if it tells you not to,pls obey.
Always listen to your intuition in moments like this and not blog advisers
Oakman time and experience have shown that siblings and relations you help DO NOT end up helping you. They see it as THEIR Right. That's the ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY we have in Nigeria family setting.
DeleteIt's actually the random strangers you help that remember you.
No adult sibling should sit on their hands and expect 💯% help most of the time.
Everyone should pull their weight.
Many ways around issues @anon20.05
DeleteWhere you have only one iroko in a family,these mentalities,"entitlement & entitled exist"
Charity begins from the home and not outside.
You can always teach your siblings how to fish instead of giving them fish...that's also a way to help.
My point however is that she should be guided by her intuition and not blog advisers.
The teaching fishing thing only works for those who WANT to and are interesting in learning
DeletePoster do not get loan but whatever way you can, help them. Don't just back them. Come rain, come shine, they are still family and if possible assist your siblings in searching for something doing. Once they are busy with something, I bet they will reduce asking for assistance.
ReplyDeletePoster,how much is the rent!?how many siblings do u have???divide ur numbers with the amount,remove your share from the loan you are getting and tell them thats what you could find.....DONT PAY ALL THE RENT WITH A LOAN,if u dont want to use another loan to pay NEXT YEAR!
ReplyDelete