NARRATIVE ONE NUMBER
DEADBEAT FATHER
Hello Stella,
How do i deal with a deadbeat father?
Please I'm a mother to 3 kids and their father is not interested in caring for them. I will have to talk to stupor before he can drop small money for the children's welfare.
I don't know if this is a father thing because I know I experienced same with my father.my mom had to push and push before my father will care for us financially and immediately my mum died in 2000 it seems the 5 of us died with her because my father totally abandoned us to our fate.
I have always prayed to have a more caring father for my kids but unfortunately I landed with the same kind of man. This man has money and can spend on other things apart from caring for his children.
Please other mother's and Bv that have gone through a problem like this. Please what's the best way of tackling this.
Please help me here with some sound advice.
*One question...Are you still married to this man and still giving him booty?was he taking care of the first and second one and stopped at the third one?cos i dont understand why you had three for him...
let people who have been thru this advice you....
Wait oh...You said he is rich?Maybe na ritual money and family is not supposed to eat from it...
***********************************************************
Hello Stella,
How do i deal with a deadbeat father?
Please I'm a mother to 3 kids and their father is not interested in caring for them. I will have to talk to stupor before he can drop small money for the children's welfare.
I don't know if this is a father thing because I know I experienced same with my father.my mom had to push and push before my father will care for us financially and immediately my mum died in 2000 it seems the 5 of us died with her because my father totally abandoned us to our fate.
I have always prayed to have a more caring father for my kids but unfortunately I landed with the same kind of man. This man has money and can spend on other things apart from caring for his children.
Please other mother's and Bv that have gone through a problem like this. Please what's the best way of tackling this.
Please help me here with some sound advice.
*One question...Are you still married to this man and still giving him booty?was he taking care of the first and second one and stopped at the third one?cos i dont understand why you had three for him...
let people who have been thru this advice you....
Wait oh...You said he is rich?Maybe na ritual money and family is not supposed to eat from it...
***********************************************************
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
WASHING HUBBYS CLOTHES IS NOT A MUST
I'll like you to post for the house I need to hear a third party opinion on the Below issue.
I got married three months ago .
I work and due to this lockdown I've been at home and all I do is sleep and watch TV since the government said we should stay at home.
Anytime I'm seating watching TV my husband complains that I'm lazy.
Recently he soaked his jeans and told me to wash.. I told him before we got married that I don't like washing. He said he would get a washing machine.
He hasn't gotten it till now.
He soaked it and told me to wash it. I refused and he started lamenting that I'm lazy that all I do is sleep.
Stella we all know this period nobody is doing anything and everybody is complaining of boredom. I got angry and called him wicked and told him I regret marrying him. is it a must to wash your husbands clothes? I just want to know maybe I'm overreacting.
If i talk now,una go say i don start...I am not married to a Nigerian man and our mentality concerning this washing of clothes is different....We have a washing machine and hubby throws in dirty clothes and washes.....
If i talk now,una go say i don start...I am not married to a Nigerian man and our mentality concerning this washing of clothes is different....We have a washing machine and hubby throws in dirty clothes and washes.....
Hmmmmm,why can your hubby not wash his own clothes?I like how you stood your ground!
men need to realise that no woman was born in the Kitchen or with a contract mandating she serves her hubby like a slave!..Hissss
You told your husband if 3 months that you regret marrying him? Youre not a sensible woman
ReplyDeleteI know, that got me too.
DeleteYou jumped all she wrote and only picked on this? You are not a sensible person
DeleteBut you never saw where he was forcing her to wash his clothes@ anon, i dislike men with entitlement mentality.
DeleteShe is very sensible for telling him to his face.
DeleteSilly man!
Men have more physical strength. He should go and wash his dirty jeans. Lazy man!
I'm so upset! Tsk tsk!
@poster 2, weldone oo. Please may I know how you have been washing your clothes? Imagine how you will explain to people that washing your own husband jean made you divorced him.
DeleteThat is your problem if you like wash if you like don’t wash those people that love him will wash his jean and boxers together.
Just three months and you are already telling him you regret ever marrying him. Wow marriage sha.
most of the people here that will praise you will do worse for their husbands. Sacrifice makes marriage work. We ain’t in the western world. I am sure he might need to sacrifice for you too. While not just take it to the Drycleaner instead of making a scene.
Stella you don’t live here and you can never understand somethings....
The man was wrong to command you to wash and at the same time, you should also stop washing African magic. This is real life.
This is how they brand people bad and it sticks. You left the main issue on on the table, even ignored the horrible name calling by her husband and settled on what she said back in response to that to use and judge her.
DeleteYou are truly not sensible @15:04
Your own response too is not sensible. The man met a good woman sef, some e like me would have told him his mother is lazy. I don't easily insults, but you insult me, I will start from your mother to your whole family and generation. Hubby knows to avoid insulting me or else, his whole family history, real or imaginary will he hear. Nonsense! You are soaking jeans for your house help to wash!
DeleteAnon 16:16, clap for yourself. So two wrongs make a right. All she had to do is sweetly decline and stand her ground. But you lot are so mannerless that you see nothing wrong with throwing insults left right and centre.
DeleteFYI about a few months into my marriage, my husband woke me up to go and lock the gate. I wan faint. Was I angry. Super angry I was. Did i insult him? No. I refused. Stood my ground and we are 18 years and still counting. Abeg make una dey take sense advice people jare
Me that hate washing even my own pant will now be washing jeans with my two hands? My love no reach that level. I hate washing or ironing and can relate with the lady. African men should stop thinking their wife is a slave just because she took his surname. Who was doing his laundry before him and how was it done? She should have lovingly forced him to get the machine before marriage or buy it herself as contribution to making the union work. I think they both need marriage counseling.
DeleteDon't mind her with insulting her husband because of a minor issue that both would have settled it without having to s Nd chronicles.
DeleteThere must have been some things that pilled up for her to have said she regrets marrying him. My dear if you come here to read comments : apologies to your husband for saying such when you guys settle.
DeleteUre only 3 months married, so you na never start anything 🤷🏾♀️, please be careful to take advice from friends and avoid sharing your family issues with friends, na so breakup or divorce dey start. It's good you stood your grounds but please do it cautiously.
I've been married 16years but TTC for a while, my first child is under 10years old.
I've always washed dishes but with this 2 weeks lockdown I've been doing dishes constantly. Today, I decided not too and dishes have been in the sink since we woke up. My husband has been helpful with cooking once a while but I can't kee myself today so we shall all be looking at the plates cos I've been down with a terrible headache.
Mo ko le wa pa ara mi 🤷🏾♀️. I dont have any help, no aupair, ejo omo OLORUN ni mi.
Anonymous 16:50, dont mind all of dem advising wrongly. Its either some of them are single and the one that are married will never say what they go through in their marriages 😏🤷🏾♀️.
DeleteI've been married for 16years and I can tell you that at 3 months she can stand her grounds but without being rude. There is more to the story though because, i dont understand the "I regret marrying you bit". My dear apologize to your husband when you settle and let him know you cannot wash jeans and remind him he agreed to buying a washing machine when you get married.
Wisdom is needed in marriage and I pray God gives you WISDOM and sanitizes your tongue.
Poster two, you are not overreacting. You are human! Calling you lazy is all shades of wrong! Also saying you regret marrying him isn't right.
DeleteGoing back on his words to buy washing machine for the house is NOT right. What is he testing you for? Why use you to prove masculinity? It's wrong!
However, lemme be extremely honest with you: many are that way o. Before this revolution will materialise, give it twenty years o. Are you willing to be single the next twenty years?
You have to keep using wisdom until something is done about patriarchy.
You would have told him to teach you how to do it that you are not good at doing it. At least something to show him you have some respect and still get him to do it with you. It's true he didn't come to you with love; but love sacrifices.
Y'all should be following them with wisdom for now; as well as standing against what isn't right. With time the good ones amongst them will start seeing women's point of view and start adjusting.
As for the bad ones; when the time comes, oyo will be their name!
All the best
😂 😂 😂. Poster two, I pity you if you listen to this bvs urging you on. They do the cooking, washing and other chores. Here, every woman is a feminist until you visit their home.
DeleteI don't wash my husband clothes because my teenage son is doing it.. Standing up with harsh tone to your husband does not make you a wise woman. I have learned ways of handling issues without dispute.
You could have ignored him while he was talking and not wash the jeans. You would have already made your point silently..
Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Well said official prestige they won't tell you what they do? I complained few minutes ago 👆🏾 there that plates full my sink and I won't wash. Il be honest with you, I don wash the plates ooo and my husband washed the pot I used this afternoon: to avoid such, i have brought out paper plates and that's what we will be using henceforth. When next I go shopping il buy more 🤷🏾♀️.
DeleteNa wisdom person need for marriage to work.
Poster 2, use wisdom please and pray for guidance, let your husband know what you don't want without being rude and please ure new in marriage so avoid telling people what goes on in your house as far as theirs no dmv "it won't lead to that by Gods grace"
✌️
Na me dey pay house rent, school fees, miscellaneous and still provide feeding money as a typical African man that I is. If you can't do house chores "with gladness" but you rather sidon dey watch television on top sofa I buy, tv subscription I pay and NEPA bill I pay; Omo fine sisi eko the millennium y2k babe, jejely grab whatever your hand reaches and jakpa out of my crib b4 I use belt, cane and koboko to double your brains up to speed!! #omoalejatijati
Deleteprestige, continue encouraging women to take insults like you...awon endurance
DeletePoster 2- your movie has just started. You people don't know how men are wired!!!! Don't start what you know you can't continue or finish so if I were you i would rather take it to the launderette for him that way you are making your point but still getting the job done. We are in 2020 men should know better if he's using that to test your quality as a wife then you are in for a movie...pele
ReplyDeleteOsi gini? What did she start that she cant finish?
DeleteWhose money is she suppose to use for the laundromat? By the way when you say laundromat do you mean dry cleaner or am I missing something? you think this is obodo oyibo where you have laundromat everywhere?
Good advice
DeleteLmaooooo, clothes that are probably soaked in one plastic bucket with soap and water is what she should take to the 'launderrete'????? Buahahahahahahaha, Stella your bvs are so funnnnnnnnny, I swear
Delete@16.20 are you in a village? Where I live I actually bleach or pre wash my clothes and take them to the laundry wet so yes she can
DeleteWords are like bullets, even if the victim survives the shot, it'd leave scars, "I regret marrying you" to your husbands face in just 3months is very harsh... a washing machine can be bought tomorrow, but those words wouldnt be easily forgotten, & can spiral irreparable damage.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you actually do, and it has nothing to do with the laundry.
Abeg! Husband na God???
DeleteShe should quit the marriage already.
He is the lazy one. Why didn't he buy the washing machine already? It's not as if it's expensive.
Are his hands broken?
He could as well take his dirty clothes to the laundrette. What nonsense entittlement mentality is that? That's how untrained men enslave women. The same women would still work and bring in money for the family.
Your brain will never run dry I have learnt another phrase today
DeleteAt least he will think twice before calling her lazy. How come men dish out what they cannot take. He confessed negative on her and she is simply living up to his confession. His mates are buying more than washing machines for their wives.
Delete@poster, anon.16.10 here are the type that will drag you to their own whatsapp group. As she is she no get toaster not to talk of husband. So keep it up. Let her type be advising you. I will be part of the people that will laugh you. I won’t hide and laugh na for your front I go laugh you. Sebi you can’t wash and husbands ain’t gods. Please divorce as advised we go laugh you.
DeleteStella on this I support you. Is she a slave.but if it a Jean I hv no issue with it
DeleteI like how you people advice others to quite marriages for flimsy reasons. I'm sure you are not married. What do I know sef? I don't even have a husband.
Delete@anon16:10 you sound broken but lemme educate you appropriately: even if you have problems with the African male gender generally, don't ever hold ground with Nigerian man, unless you are the one wearing the trousers(figuratively) in the house.
DeleteMen easily move on and can easily remarry or do as they please without being stereotyped in this part of the world. Women, on the other hand, are massively stigmatized once divorced! Be guided and use your hq if you still have one!
King! So what if we are fucking stigmatized after divorce? At least we are happier! I am in the process of divorcing my ex-hubby. He didn't provide as a hubby and now we have a child, he's still not providing but wants to dictate how we should live and how we breath & sleep. Always saying 'It's good you obey God's word and be submissive' and 'I am the head of the home. Blackmailing me to talk to no 3rd party. I told only his elder brother to talk to him & he threatened to kill me.
DeleteWhy won't I think of my sweet child's future and leave. Should I let her see the abusive man as the ideal man? Tueh!
@7:55 thank you for responding to @King on my behalf.
Delete@King, not every woman that does not support bad behaviour from men is single, broken or divorced.
I am married and have raised strong yet gentle and well-mannered sons
I have just one brother and nobody in my family ever supports his complaints about his wife. Is she perfect? No. Is he a bad man? No, but a man must know how to treat his wife right.
Women do a lot more than men and make so much sacrifices in marriage.
Why call your wife lazy because she slept and watched television? That was wrong!
Next, he soaked his clothes and told her to go wash them?
Why didn't he suggest they go for a walk or workout indoors?
That's how men become verbally abusuve and some women endure it to a breaking point.
Poster 2. You didn't state if you do all other chores. You said all you do is sleep and watch TV.
ReplyDeleteYou're a wife, and a mother to be and laundry should not be too much of an issue to you. There was no need calling him wicked and saying you regret marrying him. That was too much!
Next time tell him his jeans are too tough. Insist of the washing machine or give them to a dry cleaner. It was just a pair of jeans if I read correctly??? It's too early for regrets ma. Congrats on your wedding
Poster 1. You didn't tell us what your husband does for a living so we know the source of the income he doesn't want to spend on his kids.
You might just have to start inflating bills.... That'd be you telling lies. Sorry o
I once had a stingy bf and I'd take his phone and transfer money to myself and delete every evidence including his mail. It was bank statement that exposed me
😆😆😆 good that you got caught.
DeleteKokolet, you sound like a smart thief. I don laff tire here 😂😂😂
DeleteTha last one I stole was 20k.if u see the way he was scolding me over the phone to send back his money ehh😂
Delete@kokolet, poster one is not married else, she would have called him her husband! See kept using the term "their father". I also assume her parents weren't married either...
DeleteEven though I believe he should be able to wash his clothes himself, was it really necessary adding that you regret marrying him????
ReplyDeleteI always advise people to be mindful of what they say to their spouses in the heat of an argument or a quarrel because once u settle, those words will come and haunt you
I can't relate to the issue of washing because we have a washing machine and I have no problem doing the laundry but I have a friend who before they got a washing machine handles it this way.
Once she wants to wash, she will pack her clothes, her kids clothes and then the softer clothing of her husband and then he will wash the jeans and towels and other harder materials for them.
Why can't people be like this??? Men are naturally stronger but u expect ur wife to wash something as tough as men's jeans. If ur wife has no problem with doing it, that's okay too, but if she does, wash your thing yourself without making a fuss. Haba!!!
So many quarrels can just be avoided if people just act right. It's not that difficult
That's because the your friend's husband is sensible!! Why give someone jean to wash? As hard as Jean is, na wa oooh!! I don't support what she said... Maybe they deserve each other....
DeleteY'all should forget about that I regret marrying you part. The man will easily sweep that under the carpet. Real men expect the worst in marriage but hope for the best. My main concern is that this said husband just might be a pretender! Why promise to buy washing machine and not deliver then go about terrorising someone's daughter?! He should fulfill his pledge otherwise this woman go too see am finish - but if she continues to overdo it, divorcee go be her final tittle.
DeleteMost pipo here just use one small topic to challenge all their fears and insecurities in this life about marriage.....blow everything out of proportion and hope to strangulate masculinity/patriarchy!
Poster 1 , unfortunately because of childhood traumas and hurts that we never dealt with we tend to attract people into our lives that have the same characteristics if the people that hurt us. I have the same issue where I attach guys like my dad and that's my worse fear marrying someone like my father. I will advise you to be tactful, if you are acting too independent STOP NOW!!! He has probably seen that you are capable so he doesn't see any reason, men like this don't save for rainy day and when he goes broke he will still depend on you. Stop whatever you are doing and start being a damsel in distress
ReplyDeletePoster 1, if your children can talk. Always send them to make request from their father, coach them on how to be persistent and refused to budge if your husband did not oblige them.
DeleteAlways send them to demand for whatever they desire, food, school fees etc. Use them to get those stuff out of him. Explain to them and use them to your own credit.
Words spoken in anger can leave a permanent scar, no matter sorry you are later, it doesn't go away. Your husband will always remember your words, he's human. You might be his karma, who knows. Who washes your own clothes? You are still new to be using such words, trust me, you will have another chronicle and you wont remember it started form the word " I regret marrying you", it's not a wish, your Chronicle alone has given me an insight of what will come and my dear, belt up. You will remember this. It is already rocky n toxic.
ReplyDeleteBut is it okay to call his wife of 3 months lazy? Are those words she would easily forget?
DeleteWho knows the tone of his voice, the expression on his face and how many times he called her lazy that provoked her response?
Then he went a step further to soak his dirty jeans and told her to wash them.
Is that how a man should be treating his newly wife?
What was his aim doing that?
Why should she wash his clothes? Was she the one that wore them?
I think he is actually a very foolish man.
@anon 16:25 I am convinced you are the poster and your husband is a bv hence you are indirectly addressing his fuckup. I have a knack to decipher criminals.
DeleteYou knew he was a foolish man that's why you married him in the first place, to fund your lifestyle while you play equal fiddle with him.
I agree he's a foolish man because he's actually not supposed to soak the Jean nor order you authoritatively to wash it, but to leave it with dirty clothes for you to do the needful.....if my wife of 3 months tells me she regrets marrying me, I'll give her a wake up slap and send her packing immediately. Let her go back to wherever/whatever gives her joy - I love her too much to allow her wallow in self pity indefinitely.
King you are an example of a stupid man with an entitlement mentality...what makes u think u are doing any woman a favour by marrying her..look at you saying u will slap ur wife and send her packing...you need to hide your face in shame. Whats even ur cadre in life? U sound like a lowlife.
DeleteKing is d real person I see from comments so far, not living a fake life like most of u guys at anonymous 02:56
Delete@King, I am anon 16:10 and 16:25 and definitely not the poster.
DeleteI bet I am far older than you and have been married a longer time than you are.
Your comments here have shown you think a woman should be enslaved by marriage.
You earn money and pay rent, bills etc and your wife doesn't?
Please, write down all that your wife does that you don't do including pregnancy etc.
I'll advise you go back to your mother and ask her the way a woman wants to be treated by her husband.
Don't go around verbally abusing or slapping any woman or your wife.
You need to retrain yourself.
Nobody likes being called names or abused.
What's this entitlement mentality with some men?
Men behave badly because there are women who encourage men to behave badly. Just watch, you will see their comments. Women desperate for male validation.
ReplyDeletePlease shut it. Which one is male validation? Why marry in the first place if you can't bend for one another. You people form that you don't need men, yet get laid every other day and even marry. Marriage is not for everybody!
Deleteanno in shut it, my 84year old dad still does his laundry and loves it, my father inlaw did his, so is my hubby. So shut it. archives everywhere.
DeleteShut up. Male validation kill you there. Not everybody was badly raised like you. Oponu.
Delete@anon 16:46 let them broken spirits be......they need Divine cleansing. Men haters. If you can't stand the heat, leave the kitchen quietly, but no they won't, because they can't do without men yet they don't wanna compromise.
DeleteTo the deadbeat father,madam try waking your husband up in the middle of the night and ask him what you did wrong,once he points it out to you,apologise to him and give him an opportunity to change. If he doesn't,lock him up in a fucking bottle spiritually,get enough money and buy trust funds for your kids,dump his deadbeat ass afterwards. Second option is to double your hustle and pray for God to keep blessing the works of your hands so you can take care of those wonderful kids singlehandedly.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteLiz, you can't advice to lock him up in a bottle and in the same breath pray to God to keep blessing the works of her hands.
DeleteA spring cannot bring forth both sweet and bitter water.
You cannot serve two Masters at the same time.
You are either for God or for Satan. Choose one.
@Anonymous ,are you the poster?if you are not,Please face front and mind your goddamn business. Let the poster decide herself!!
DeleteLiz, wake him up in the middle of which night? Is he her husband? She never said they were married! I'm believing they don't even live together...
DeleteDear poster 2, everything requires wisdom. When I got married newly I faced the same challenge. I told hubby at the initial that I won't wash but I will do other house chores. I washed the first month and second before saying I won't do again. I complained that why should I on weekends clean house,cook and wash while he's pressing phone. All these I do with gentility and sweet voice. He suggested that we do it together after all my clothes are more in number. After week 2 I refused, I gave the option of I washing while he clean. He did it the first time and said he can't continue. We then swapped. Till date, he washes everyone's clothes(I and d kids) while I do other chores, bathes and cooks sometimes while I do the other chores
ReplyDeleteYou guys please get a 2washing machine.
DeleteEven my 66 year old mother has a washer.
It saves time.
You can get one for 70k, LG or Thermocool.
@miriam na so doing dey make marriage sweet oo. Two hands wash each other naim dey clean pass.
Delete@anon20:36 bikonu buy for Dem na, or piante
ReplyDeleteI wonder why a man will father children and not cater for them. Did anyone force you to marry and have kids? Why will u bring a child into this world to suffer? Are you mentally ok? Poster, let your husband read this personal question I'm asking him.
Ser questions BB de ask, na today? Them plenty.... im sure you know a few
Delete@Bb as a woman, would you continue to send money to an ex-husband who disrespects you and talks bad about you to your kids and lives lavishly?
DeleteHumans are the only species of God's creation whereby males contribute in grooming kids, in fact some men take over completely...to show solidarity back na war because women want the world and beyond to themselves.
@King, you have a problem.
Delete@first poster, you were attracted to a man just like your father. Firstly, did you not see the signs while dating? Secondly, how did you end up having 3 kids? Maybe I should assume he changed recently. Please clarify.
ReplyDelete@second poster, I think you should take it easy. You've only been married for a few months and you've told him you regret marrying him because he asked you to wash his soaked jeans? It seems to me like you guys don't really communicate. Also, I doubt if this is all that there is to this story. There's no marriage without hiccups but I'll suggest that you work on proper communication with your husband. Bee interested in what he's interested in and he'll reciprocate by being interested in what you're interested in also.
Stellz I just tire for some of this Nigerian men with smelly ego, all ways forming head when it comes to chores at home, time to bring money for upkeep it becomes difficult for them. Oshisco,
ReplyDeletei hope you won't call him wicked when he refuses to give you money bcos base on Stella no man signed any contract to give women money or attention or love
ReplyDeleteOh no baby, his primary job as a married man is to take care of his wife/family when kids are involved. So yes he signed a contract when he signed those dotted lines.
DeleteSo what did the woman signed for @ Adanne ?
DeleteYou guys always choose what suits you and think others should have a say.
@Don she signed to be a helper not the provider.
DeleteAs you have read, she has been the provider and the husband has even refused to help.
Why is the man wicked to his own children? Why bring them into the world at all?
First poster, you didn't say if you're still married to your husband! You need to speak to him or device a means to get money from him.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how a man can leave his marital responsibilities, and be acting all philanthropic outside. such men, their end is always full of misery.
Young wife, I believe you are one of those gullible and brainwashed girls that takes advice of doom on social media.
Just one jeans and you couldn't help your husband to wash it.
Let me tell you something, the lockdown does not stop you from doing housework. You are a lazy girl
Why not wash the jeans first and then tell him later that you guys will be needing a washing machine.
Start insulting and fighting your husband, your marriage is still very fresh, you better not use your mouth to destroy your home.
Awon wife not cook #SMH
Ms.A
It's as if you did not read the chronicle well or you read and your brain refused to comprehend!?
DeleteEven if is to rinse de Jean as soaked, it's his problem if the said jeans is damaged.i washed as my hand can handle.
DeleteYoung wife, if at the three months of marriage you are not excited about helping your husband do things, be it washing Jean or duvet.... Then you better recheck the reason you married him. Obviously you have no love for that man.
DeleteHe has no respect for her too
DeleteShe shouldn't start what she cannot finish. She told him before marriage that she hates washing clothes and he said it was not a problem, that he will buy a washing machine. 3 months after the wedding, he asks her to wash jeans. Madam, he was trying to break you into submitting to nonsense. If you had done it, he will unveil more shit for you to eat. Again, don't start what you cannot finish.
DeleteThis is why it's good for women to be financially independent. You don't take all shit served.
Poster one pls stop conceiving and think of how to take care of the three kids. If your husband cannot take care of his kids, then he should stop impregnating you.
ReplyDeletePoster two,you over reacted. It is true that clothe washing is not gender specified. Anybody can do that, after all my dad at times opt to wash his clothes by himself. For the fact that you had nothing doing, you should have washed the soaked cloths for peace sake. Even if not immediately, at least at your convenient time. Let's learn to avoid issues.
Naaa, anybody cannot do that precious darling.
DeleteThere's a difference between 'can you please wash my clothes ' and 'go and wash' my clothes.
She don't have to do it.
My own is, dont be rude about it.
With you on this, Adanne.
DeleteHowever, even if he asked politely I would also politely turn him down.
Who was washing his clothes before marriage?
If wear your clothes, please wash them.
Poster one.
ReplyDeleteThis is a difficult situation, and what works for me might not work for you.
Did you do anything that will make this husband of yours to behave this way?(I know people will say but its his kids) yes, men can be petty too just to pepper the wife...have you asked him why he's not taking care of his kids as he should, you will be shocked to hear his reasons...finally is he ok in the head? Cos na only kolomental person fit abandon em pikins.
P.s.
1.you can increase the upkeep money for the house so you can take care of your kids..
2.or better still get you a job and ignore him.
3.talk to his family or whoever he listens to.
He probably doesn't love his wife, I heard of a Yoruba proverb that says it's a loved wife dat you love her children dearly. Some men are married for sexual reasons.
DeleteMen listen up,women are not your slaves. What happened to your own hands? Why can't you lazy things wash your clothes by yourselves? Any woman still Washing a grown up man's clothes in this era is a big fool. #wifenotslave#
ReplyDeleteFirst poster. I've got nothing for u. You saw how mean hearted he is towards his children you still went ahead to have three children for him. Those kind of men you lock up after having the first child let alone two more. Carry your cross dey go.
Na your type go wash every every, i pity people listening to online hypocrites
DeleteI beg to disagree, that a woman chooses to wash her man's clothes doesn't make her a 'big fool'(one man's meat baby...)
DeleteShe might love doing it and you can blame her.
@Anon 15:19 you are my kinda person. 👍👍👍
DeleteOn both cases, you made the best comments.
see there are people like this annon and they have the best marriage...suffering wives stop trying to make other wives feel your pain. You made your choice to wash
DeletePoster 2.
ReplyDeleteHhhmmm, I hear you sis.
Personally i cannot wash a man's Jean no matter how much you pay me.
3 months is too soon for drama.
Please talk to him in a respectful way why you cant wash it. Don't be running your mouth, it wont end well.
Mind you, boredom can cause wahala shaa,cos people are not use to staying together at home(too bad).
Be smart and handle your husband like a baby before silly stuff like this will destroy your union.
Did the man talk to her in a respectful way? The man too should learn how to talk to his wife to avoid issues.
DeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteYou married a man who does not want children and the responsibilities that comes with it. I cannot fault you for having kids because it’s a marriage and procreation is bound to happen. 3 is not much.
You are in a country where child’s support cannot be enforced so i suggest you double your hustle. That man lacks conscience so it’s best you stop focusing on cajoling him and seek his family’s help or even yours.
Poster 2
Sis, you could have handled things differently cos i don’t even see how this warrants regret.
What i would have done if i was in your shoes is tell him we will do it together after i finish watching the tv. And during washing, i will lament about brittle nails and remind him how much we need a washing machine.
But i’m not you so 🤷🏻♀️.
First Poster: Don't understand why you went ahead to have more kids with a man you know is unwilling to provide for his family.
ReplyDeleteEven when a man provides adequately, it's best to have the number of kids you can conveniently care for single-handedly in case you end up widowed at an early age.
Second Poster: The lack of money is the cause of your issue with your spouse. If you had a washine machine or employed a laundry man, you wouldn't have had the need to send in a chronicle.
Don't see why he can't handwash his own clothes. If you're lazy for not washing his clothes, what does that make him for passing on his responsibilities to you?
Abeg. My washing machine broke down during this coro period. Any thing can cause a situation, but to use such harsh words on a supposed loved one just months into the relationship reveals a lot. No emotional intelligence whatsoever!!
DeleteHe called her lazy also. Not a nice man. But it’s Nigeria everyone will defend him
Delete1st poster, I bet that man doesn't care for you too. Second poster why don't you use wisdom to handle this? Use gist to drag you husband to do the washing while you rinse the clothes. It's not everything women fight about, this is supposed to be the honeymoon stage.
ReplyDeleteI know all that feminine stuff but ladies, be wise if you want to enjoy your marriage unless off course there was no love in the first place which is what I can perceive from the second poster's write-up. If you are married to someone you love something as little as washing of clothes will not upset the both of you to the extent of calling each other names.
I know the devil is always out to attach marriages but it is always best to marry your friend. That way you can easily resolve issues when they arise.
This is not true. I have been married for 15 years and love my husband very much but I don't wash his clothes, even while we were dating and I carried it into marriage. When he talked about it after marriage, my reaction was not palatable at all, so he rested. How will I cook clean house, go to the market, go to work and still wash your own clothes? Is he mad? Love has nothing to do with this abeg.
DeleteAunty, your own love or the biblical definition of love???
DeleteNo one is asking any woman to be a slave but to use such harsh words as regret for such a flimsy reason is too extreme abeg. If she truly loves him, to regret the marriage will be the last thing on her mind.
Instead of pointing out her strengths to the man to prove she's not lazy, she's busy spitting out trash. Later they will start sending chronicles....
Anon. Thanks so much. I have been married for nine years myself and if you must know I hate doing house chores like sweeping and even dressing the bed while my husband is good at all of these even cooking. We have never had issues as regards all of these. I do what I can and he helps out as much as he can. What I am trying to say in essence is that before you think of getting married to anyone you have to know that person, I understand people change but you can see clearly from this posters narrative that the period of courtship was not properly utilized.
DeleteLadies please learn how to use wisdom in your marriage. You don't have to be right all the time and this also applies to men. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
Rosie and kids where you married your husband are they still remaining? Lol. I hate every chore. Even the littlest. Call me lazy at your own risk. I will get married until I find someone who accepts me the way I am and if you decide to change in the marriage, at your own risk. I don't see how jeans will get into the equation but poster, unless there's more to the story, you regret marrying him was too much don't you think?
DeleteI got married 2017 and I've never washed my husband's clothes and never will. I started from day one. Any day I don't have the strength to cook, I'll just give my daughter tea and bread and head to bed straight. I can't kill myself
ReplyDeleteclap for yourself. You can't feed your daughter well too because you are a 21st century mother.
DeleteYes oh. We know their type. When the child with her half developed immunity due to lack of proper feeding goes down with an infection they will start pointing fingers.
DeleteMy husband needs to see this? Imagine MIL saying I don't use to wash her clothes and my husband'? I Don suffer oo, meanwhile, I bought washing machine in the house with my hard earned money oo.
ReplyDeletePoster 2; you can help him if you want, it's not his right. Let him wash cloth by himself.
Poster 2 is your husband doing something that he can't wash his clothes? Or as you sit down dey watch TV dey pain am? Men with their wahala sef
ReplyDeletePoster two, let your husband continue washing his clothes, dont take his insults to heart. Since you both talked about it, he should keep to his promise .
ReplyDeleteIf you start now,he might get used to it and you wont be able to cope in the long run esp when kids are involved and the issue might escalate. Let him know that you wont start anytime soon.
As for me I wash my kids clothes and mine, I used to wash hubby clothes(not everytime though) before the kids and that was because I was a stay at home mum.
Since you used to wash your hubby's clothes why are you advising her against washing for her husband.
DeletePoster you better mind the sort of advise you take from women because they will ginger you now and instead of settling issues with your husband you will go and add more fuel.
Second poster you are on your own. Three months only and you are regretting already,better go on your knees and beg your husband for forgiveness for those words.
ReplyDeleteGo on her knees? For?
DeleteYou really think we are in 1900. I pity you.
Better get on youtube and start learning how to wash clothes with your bare hands else dorty* will be your name!
Mean hearted souls. You look at a human being like you and all you see is a slave? How are you different from the so called slave masters of the past? Mstchewww
You are a silly Man...why shouldnt she regret marrying a man who would insult her and order her to wash his clothes...Nonsense..as if marriage is a guarantee to make heaven...rubbish
DeletePoster one, I have nothing to say to you. It's your cross, you must have seen that since when you had your first child.
ReplyDeletePoster two, be there forming woke. Petty issue will be the end of your marriage, since you think you're too big to talk to your husband in a way that he will reason with you.
ReplyDeleteSeems you want to write another chronicle soon. You think coming here is the best way to run your home
So many senseless woman that always plan for wedding but don't plan for marriage.
Chai. Never say never. So a day will come and I will agree with Don's comments!!
DeleteI don't blame her. She is used to tension and toxicity from her parents home that's why she can't even maintain peace in her home the 1st 3 months. And strategise wisely on how best to do about such a simple issue. So you must react fire for fire in every issue in your marriage. Kontinu. We await your Chronicle update!!
Senseless women you say? The marriage is between who and who again? Like I expected any better... mtscheww
DeleteIs her husband God? Why should he insult her and order her to wash his clothes and she is supposed to accept that sort of treatment..so early??? Please its not right
DeleteHer husband is her God as far as the marriage is concerned. This is how domestic violence starts. He shouts she shouts the next thing is slap and that is it. The Bible said women should submit totally to their husband and the husband should love their wife as Jesus loves the world and died for our sins.
DeleteIf as he asked her to wash his jeans she as much as made an attempt and tell him calmly she can't wash because it's hard he should was while she rinses we won't be hearing all this.
Young lady, you have to learn humility if you want to remain married. Ok didn't say take rubbish but pick your battles wisely. Enough said already.
I hope this rosie is not a women...shiooo
DeleteYes I am a woman. And I am not taking side with the posters hubby for calling her lazy but go back and read what she narrated herself. All she does is to watch television and sleep since the governments lockdown. That is what prompted the name calling.
Delete@ Rosie, even though I feel the poster's reaction was too harsh and childish, but if her husband loved her "as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her" would he soak his dirty jeans and command her to wash? They both have a lot to learn.
DeletePoster 2 next time he tells you to wash just dip the clothes inside water and spread them to dry, don't need to argue too much, shebi you don wash?
ReplyDeletePoster one, always drum it into your husband ears that the money you spent was gotten from a quarrelsome friend, rapport with that friend to call him and harass him for the money she lent to his wife, if possible create a mini showdown,and please don't form miss independent ask him openly in front of the kids or visitors for money, with time he will adjust,spend your money on your children neccesities and incorporate your bad ass friend when he is defaulting.
No 2
ReplyDeleteHow do you Naija girls get married and you can't offer a little sacrifice; wash clothes?😳😳
And you run diarrhoea mouth call am wicked? Wow
Nne, I just finished washing all the clothes of my kids and DH. Yes washing machine. But if for any reason there's no power, I wash them with my hands. As you make ya bedroom, na so you lie on it o.o 😘😘😘
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍,thank you plenty,even with fixed nails,I wash,they will advice her and stay back in worse marriages.
DeleteWashing the clothes because you want to is different from washing them because youve been insulted and ordered to do so..i will repeat that i and my husband do our laundries for each other but nobody orders anyone to do it...there is a big difference please
Delete@20:04
DeleteI won't wait for that "order".
I do it for my DH because I love him.
I put my panties in detergent/water/bleach and
he wakes up to bath, the first thing he does is to
wash them off and spread them in the bathroom liner; including
my menstrual blood stained ones.
What you call "order" exist because of some undercurrents of
disrespect and mutual bitterness. A woman, a wife, has power; to love
or to hate, to make a man better or bitter, love her or loath her.
The attitude I read from this poster? She judged herself as lazy and insolent.
Ndi washers continue...not every woman wants a part in your long suffering. Go and tell dangotes daughter to wash Jean's. Every body get him own category sha
DeletePoster 2 it is too EARLY to tell tour hubby that you regret marrying him?
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm!!!!
Who does that??
Just 3 months,you have started running your mouth like a tape and spewing rubbish..
Don't start war that you cannot finish.why not tell him in a polite way that his jeans is too hard for your to handle or you take it to dry cleaner and insist on washing machine..
Trend careful with the Words you say to aviod cry fowl later in life...
Let the Words you utter not bite you later.
Poster 1 May God fix it for you and children..
There are always women like you enabling their trash. Ride on. E go be
DeleteI have seen that a lot of women on this blog actually encourage their husbands to treat them like trash...nonsense
DeleteNobody is encouraging anyone to treat women like trash, off course unless you chose someone who will treat you like trash. I am sure the posters hubby isn't mad to just stand up and command her to wash his jeans, you have not heard the rest of the story.
DeleteThree months into a marriage? You should still be getting doted on. Marriage these days sure scares me.
Lol, some men are evil. I tell women who wants to listen, treat a man just the way he treat you. They would be forming the head of the house. When it comes to bills they split it with their wives. The woman would come back cook for the family , claen , attend to the kids and answer the head od the house in the other room. Moya tell my husband to wash his clothes. I cannot be doing all these with you and still be washing your clothes. He is not talking to me guess whay? I don't care. Just wash your damn clothes. Sefini!
ReplyDeletePeople just get married without first dating properly. Poster 2 if you and your husband communicate well this washing of Jeans wont be an issue cos you would discuss it and you will tell him how you do not enjoy washing not to talk of hard jeans and you guys would have reached a compromise instead of the name calling. So how can you just be watching tv and eating. Do you do any house chores at all or you leave them to your husband. Has he left you clothes to wash before because this your story get as e be. I can see how lazy and childish u are from your write up. Cos you dont have a washing machine you regret marrying him. Must he be the one to buy the washing machine? Why cant you buy it? My dear lady if you are a full time housewife then you shld know your contribution to the house should be doing the house chores cos you cant expect him to go hustle and pay the bills and still come back to share chores with him. If you want him to do chores then you should also be ready to contribute financially in the house. The western world you guys want to copy the women are not lazy they work and contribute financially. Sometimes the man can even agree to stay home n care for the kids n be doing chores while the wife goes out to work. But you mad women here want to sit your lazy butt at home while the man will provide everything for you. Pls receive sense
ReplyDeleteIf both of them work, let them get a washing mashine or house keeper, mbok. 21st century women raised on indomie and fast foods are not as strong as our mothers raised with strong swallows and hard work, please.
DeleteDon't mind the intellectually and financially lazy woman. I am a woman like you and I have always bought our washing machine. My husband never washed boxers all his life. He had a steady wash man when we married. But the guy will destroy like 5 shirts at a go and DH will replace them. I felt it wasn't the way to go. Bought our first washing machine and let him see why he should stop spending so much replacing clothes. He never expected me to take on his laundry but I took it upon myself out of sincere love for him. Listen to the hypocrites here who are neither married or wash their husbands and inlaw cloth join. Na you go suffer am. Shior!!!
DeleteYou clearly missed the part where she said she goes to work but is home because of lockdown? Y'all are so cray I swear!
DeleteNa you crazy pass. Why suffer to work if you cannot spend money to buy the basic things that make life better for you or give you peace?
DeleteSo if she buys the washing machine the heavens will fall?
Must you marry. Sebi your WhatsApp group member has advised the number of sex toys and the types you should buy?
You don't want to know for how many years I've been married but common sense dictates that you choose your battles esp so early in the marriage.
Abeg shift!! Embarrassing their parents up and down like children without home training meanwhile they trained you but una no gree learn.
you decided in your long suffering abi then continue. that's not others love language. washing those cloths doesnt in any way make your husband faithful abi? correct
DeleteDamnit... who's this anon17:04 & 18:42 giving it hot hot. I like/love the female gender. I have only daughters for now so you should imagine I want the best for them in the future, but the way of our keyboard warrior internet feminists no be am at all - I mean, come on!!!!
DeleteI married a gold, diamond, jewel, pearl, silver and treasure all in one. She works too - we do our best for each other. She still wakes up early during this stay at home period to serve me breakfast in bed! Sweet wife, darling complementary. She asked me today wether my bathroom was dirty, I said no even though it's not the truth.....I wanna do it myself tomorrow. She outrightly refused house help.
Poster 1 double your hustle no matter how small and ignore him and his money .Poster 2 your husband intentionally went out of his way to push your last bitch button,why call you lazy just because you are watching TV and resting ,some men want to see a woman walking and working round the clock with no me time ,for him to go soak the jeans was compelling you to wash it whether you like it or not aaaaaah!!,anyone who doesn't consider him calling you lazy as an insult which probably aggravated you to hurl your own insults (hehe) right back at him have no truth in them.
ReplyDeleteAre you minding the hypochrists? Always making it seem like being a woman is a crime on its own.
DeleteThank you ooo..a lot of them are jist spewing trash forming they know how to keep a marriage overlooking the fact that he actually insulted her and ordered her to go wash his clothes...what type of rubbish is that?
DeleteSecond poster, babe sorry to say, you are a fool!. Three months into thr marriage, you're already saying you regret marrying your husband. Cant you people just let things as insignificant as this pass? Cant you get the washing machine yourself? Just wash the Jeans and let it slide. Plan to get washing machine and don't end your marriage because of little issues like this. Except you don't live him though.
ReplyDeleteShe's a big fool, she's going to write a lot of chronicles and we are going to be here to wash your with hypo.
DeleteYour mouth is going to wreck your home, just watch it. You think you have marriage figured out from your parents house abi.
Your coming to social media to report your husband because of frivolous things, so that these bitter and single mothers can advice you on how to wreck your home.
She has heard your opinion bigger fool!
DeleteOde anon17:19,poster,see how you're under everyone's comment,poverty destroy you there,why didn't your parents escort you to your husbands house with washing machine? where did 16:42 insult you?biggest fool.
DeleteStupid you...its people like you that they will slap and you will let it slide till it graduates to better beatings...mtchew
Delete18:50, you are actually the poverty stricken fool who still sees washing machine as a luxury in 2020. You really are a wretched miserable cunt! If you like bang your head on the wall, women are NOT slaves! QED
Deletesee this ones, poor man mentality. God forbid my nieces in Nigeria marry men who cant afford washing machines, shio. my daughters ain't there anyway so dont bother asking.
DeleteDon so you dont have a washing machine...nawa o
DeleteSecond poster, keep listening to advice from singles who have no marriage experience. What is wrong in washing a jeans for your husband? All this married women saying they dont wash their husband's laundary, do worst sef. Not every marriage issues u bring to SM...Even married women in Europe do laundries. All the best
ReplyDeleteLies, lies I say. Many of all those wash,you are only dying in silence. speak for yourself
Delete1. Foundation could be an issue here. Prayer, counseling for both can work. Or just ignore him, he'll come back to his senses but hope it won't be late then.
ReplyDelete2. That husband is very childish and lacks integrity and lacks respect for himself first or his wife. She is his wife not maid. She was upfront with the challenge prior to marriage and he gave his word, why renege? Was he waiting for her to 'enter the marriage' so he can deal with her? He used the wrong word first meaning his mind had been scheming to voice it out. Check the man well, his father might also have maltreated his mother and he picked this habit up. The lady too sjould step up her game and get a washing machine which is affordable even if she has to save or a house help to do the washing and other chores. Not every woman likes to do domestic work. And a woman's place in marriage is more strategic than operational. Only men who understand the place of their wife in marriage would appreciate, love, respect and cherish her. That way, he'll only see her best which would make for an enduring union.
Dear poster 2, I want to believe that now your blood Don calm down. Why did you marry him if after 3 months you can't respect him again. The early stage of marriage is said to be tough because it's a time to understand each other. With time, it will get better. However, if you want your marriage to last, learn to bridle your tongue and let patience be one of your virtues. Men are like children, sometimes they find it difficult to explain or express what the issue is and they start whining. It might be that the house is dirty or untidy, or dusty, or the toilets are smelling or the food you cook are the very basic simple ones or he may be sex starved. The truth is he is uncomfortable and you should find pleasure in calming his nerves down. Rearrange your home. Do severe cleaning .I'm not saying you are dirty. But look at the whole picture . Rather than being so defensive and get yourself worked up. Be a better person.
ReplyDeleteMy husband use to be like this. He will be nagging and sad.Then he will take up the rag and start cleaning. In my entire life, I had never seen where people wash window nets, but I realized the things that makes him angry are things I'm not used to. I learnt from him. Today as I was moping the floor he was scrubbing the sitting room walls. Even during harmatan, you will not find a spec of dust in my house. Moreso, I noticed if I make food within 5 mins like noodles, concotion etc. He will sigh heavily,because he doesn't eat outside and so expects so much from me. I had to tweek things and start to build a home gradually. It's been 9years now and I must confess, I love this new me. I'm a better person.
When I'm tired, I shut down. He steps in. He will wash my car, clean the whole house, bathe the children and make breakfast. Let peace reign in your home. The Bible says, a wise woman builds her home. Be wise.
Wonderful!
DeleteThe situation you described is completely different from hers okay? Just because she wants her marriage to last doesnt mean she should start accepting insults to be normal inugo?
DeletePoster one you spoiled your husband from not taking care of his children, you started forming independent woman and the guy man decided to be watching you from far because you have showed him you are capable.
ReplyDeleteA man is not doing his fatherly duty yet you get pregnant day in day out. You birthed up to three children, you are doing well for yourself.
If both of you are still married report him to family members but if you guys are separated let the right authority abi welfare handle it properly.
Poster two is not by force to wash your husband's clothes, but the manner you spoke to him shows you are not respectful. There are better way to handle issues with your husband not until you tell him you regretted getting married to him before you pass your message.
You can as well tell him you will not wash his clothes without having to insult each other. Please you marriage is too young for you to start saying hurtful things to your husband. Women learn to control your mouth and anger, know what to say and who not to say to your man. Respect is key.
You can talk things over with him for him to get a washing machine so that it can help you to do laundry better. Not everyone enjoys washing especially men's jeans. But you can talk it over with your husband first before you break your home.
I guess you didn't discuss this part with your husband before wedding day. If you have done so then he should have not told you to wash his clothes. Enjoy the lockdown because is the best time to get bond with your husband.
Poster 1, my advice for you is prayer. Prayer changes things. You have 3 children for this man. Cry to God to touch his heart. Let me share this revelation with you about Mary and Joseph . The Bible said when Joseph realised Mary was with a child, he planed to divorce her quietly. Then the next verse said after he had conceived the plan, he had a dream where God took control of the situation. To me that was the very first marital crisis recorded in the New Testament. Though we were not told how Mary felt. Only she knew the truth that she hadn't slept with anyman and yet she was about to loose the love of her life because her explanations were not adding up. Then when Joseph took her home, the Bible recorded that he didn't consumate the marriage until the child was born. Being pregnant doesn't stop anyone from having sex but Joseph decided not to touch her even though we weren't told that he was warned against it in the Bible. To top it all, when the wise men followed the star to where Jesus was born in a manger, they met Baby Jesus and his Mother. What am I saying of essence. I'm not justifying the man's behavior. I'm only pointing out to you that sometimes, men act funny. Like cruel weirdos. In such a time like this, I will advise you Call on God who alone has a way of reaching them and ensuring they get on the right track. I pray that as you poor your heart out to God, he will settle your case.
ReplyDeleteI guess different strokes for different folks. Poster two, while I may not agree with you for telling your hubby you regret the marriage, I can't fault you for not doing his laundry. You are not his slave. You two, should properly have talked more about doing chores. I had this bf in school then and even though we didn't work out, I respect him for one thing, he never felt it was a woman's place to do all the house chores. To think he was the only boy amongst 5 sisters, this dude used to cook, clean and even do my laundry. His flatmates, guys, used to make fun of him and he never minded. My friends started to tease both of us, so I stopped letting him do my laundry. It shows that some men are totally fine with sharing chores with their women.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, I was shocked to read your post, you told your husband you regret marrying him cos of jeans? What were you people doing during courtship? Don't be deceived by men outside. They wont marry you. Marriage is compromise. Learn how to communicate with your husband to win him for life. I was in this scenario when I was courting my husband, I simply told him washing was my worst chore. When we married, I washed our clothes, he was the one that said he didn't want me stressed and got us a washing machine.
ReplyDeleteYou could have just tried to wash the Jean even if it wasn't thorough just to show him respect then you would revisit the issue rather than running your mouth. Better be wise. Divorce isn't easy oh. Swallow the humble pie and apologize to that man.
Yea but it's okay to call her lazy right? Next time advice the man also; if you can't zip it!
DeleteAnno 18.22, the woman sent the Chronicle not the man ok? You can always pass your message without being rude. What do you mean by zip it? Smh.
DeleteEven if it's the woman that send in the message.. address the men too in your advice because other men are reading and learning. Inugo?
DeletePoster 1: I’m married with two kids and I know how draining it can be financially especially on household, groceries and all. My husband isn’t perfect either but guess what I’m pregnant with the third. Don’t let anyone beat you to having Three Kids. Those kids are your Joy don’t trade them for anything. I had a similar issue, I had an heart to heart talk with my hubby, he’s your husband please create that time and Talk about this. I realized my husband was paying back some cooperative loan he took at work after I let him know how I feel. For the first time he showed me his pay slip and he apologized. When things went back in his pay, he gave a large sum for my business. It’s your right, it’s your kids right, talk to him. Before you talk, ask God for guidance and prayer. It worked for me and it can work for you, let him know what you’re going through, let him know your fears.
ReplyDeleteSecondly,’don’t be idle. Start something. No matter how small.
Yes your husband will give you but you’ve got to realize the great importance of being independent as a woman. I have 2 degrees personally, I don’t work yet but I have a business which gives me time for my kids and I supply and do wholesale package, that way I can pay myself what I’m worth. It’s not bad for you to work, please get something to do.
Thirdly, check around and see if there’s something pissing your husband off. Men are wired in such a ‘special’ way. Spark your marriage up, you sound tired, frustrated and really depressed, hugs 🤗
Get home diffusers, scented candles, new sheets, reaarange the home, get new waist beads, make a really nice hairstyle, get a clean shave, if you can’t afford perfumes, get a nice oil or body mist, add new set of matching lingerie and beautiful lacey indoor wears. If you’re adding unnecessary weight, work out and be determined to improvement.
Lastly, be positive. Our Mind works according to its imagination. You husband is not your father, he’s not a replica, he’s a responsible man. He loves you, he loves his children - Say this confessions. Be positive. Be happy, be happy, happiness comes from within. Be happy, you can’t shake a happy person. Be happy from within, Be positive.
Sending Hugs!
so much burden you carry, just woow
DeletePoster 2, follow the advise of single and woke women on this blog at your peril. Some of the single girls advising you here will wash the clothes of any man plus his yard people that talks of introduction how much more marriage. You're married and if you want to stay married, try to find what works for you.
ReplyDeleteLike the former Chronicles that insulted their husband's about size of their pistol, telling your husband you regret marrying him is a little below that. Few months into the marriage?
You said all you do is watch TV and sleep. That sounds lazy.
Find what works for you and not these ones here urging you on.
Couples celebrating marriage anniversaries make sacrifices and compromise. Do same.
@poster 2
ReplyDeleteEven with a washing machine, there are still items you will hand wash including heavy items like cardigans. Does it mean you can’t wash your husband’s clothes? Like many people said, this points to a lack of good communication between the both of you. If there is love, sacrifices can be made on both sides. There are so many ways to work around allocating housechores, it will be very silly for it to be the cause of a crack in your marriage.
Also if your husband is the sole/main provider, it is only fair that your do most chores around the house
you didnt read properly but quickly came to comment
DeleteOkay maybe jeans are tough to wash, but you really can't wash your husbands clothes? If you like follow all the many females here saying don't wash, leave... You will suffer!
ReplyDeleteYou can politely ask for washing machine and discuss washing respectfully. Once you are respectful to your husband, everything becomes easy. You see those men people say "na d woman dey control the man", its mostly just the respect she's giving him.
How can you even be bold to say "all" you do is sleep and watch tv? You're really lazy!
I'm female, I just got married too, I wash my husbands clothes and he got angry and bought a washing machine cos he doesn't want me doing that. You be regretting your fresh marriage there.
My marriage is working just fine. Look for what works for you. Don't follow trends.
you for continue washing it,
DeleteCome back next year
DeletePoster 1. I'm sure that when you were dating this man did not give you money or buy you things and you too were not demanding because wife materials are not materialistic now see the result. Well like many married women these days, you're a single mother, I suggest you adjust accordingly and care for your kids and ignore that irresponsible man of yours. Pele.
ReplyDeletePoster 2.
You and your husband need to grow up. He should stop calling you lazy and you should learn to control your temper. Also a remedy I use to reinforce that I don't do housework is I fix very long nails, so I literally cannot wash clothes or do chores. We have machines and help in our home and my nails are gorgeous. Try it
I am not a slave, i am not a slave. Poster 2 what then are you? A nuisance?? You can sit on the couch that he bought, you can live in the house that he pays for, you can watch dstv that he paid but can't make yourself useful or valuable to him by washing jeans?? Two wrongs don't make a right, maybe his manner of approach was wrong but you could have even told him to wash while you rinse and gist with him that way both of you have shared the responsibility and he might even appreciate you better.
ReplyDeleteAre you blind! She clearly said she works! How many men are sole providers? Maybe YOU are a cleaner and a slave, she is not. Didn’t you see how he spoke to her? You guys will BABY these men and be shocked that they see you as nothing
Deletedont mind them, they dont read properly...ndi uchu
DeleteMadam if you need a washing machine please save towards it and get a good automatic, don't wait for your hubby. As soon as I got married I started saving money for mine, I also don't like washing, it has saved us a lot of stress and my husband enjoys doing the laundry and if I need another one I'll joyfully get another one.
ReplyDeleteThe man married a woman with a job and he wants her to stay home and be washing his jeans. If he wants a washerman why not get one? He also specifically has refused to buy the washing machine and is now planning to demean his wife, call her lazy for sitting and watching tv
ReplyDeletePoster 1,didn't you see the signs before getting married to the father of your kids?How do u guys even do his?I dislike stingy people n can't even deal with em..Devise others means to collect money from him
ReplyDeleteIncrease your market money,your personal shopping and hair allowance..Just look for means to hike them all.Stop at child 3 since he can't take care of them.Report to people he listens to .Pray as well.
Poster 2,Your marriage is young..Apply wisdom when necessary. I dislike washing as well.U should have been polite in your response to your husband.Calling him names and saing you regret the marriage is totally out of it.He called you lazy .. hasn't displayed any signs of wickedness to warrant you terming his as one..Please be careful.
Lmao 😂 😂 😂 😂 to wash just a pair of your husband's Jean is wickedness and you regret marrying your husband?
ReplyDeleteSince he hasn't gotten the washing machine, what's wrong in washing with your hands?
I blame the men that put you lazy buffons in their houses as wives. Indeed, you are are lazy.
When you start having babies, who will be washing their clothes?
Let's assume you have a washing machine, what happens when there's no power? What if your Gen breaks down, what would you do?
Grow up and take up your wifey duties.
Sluttychic.
Advert manager. You don land? 😂😂😂
DeleteStop it anon.why call her advert manager for speaking her mind which is true by the way.do your own advert na abi anybody hold you. Ode
DeleteSorry not every is poor.
DeleteWomen marry men who respect you abeg, dont marry down biko. which one is wash cloth again
DeleteAnon 21:50 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeletePoster 2my dear save to buy a washing machine. Automatic one dont wait for him to buy for you else na fight washing go cause. Your marriage us still young please no regrets. You will endure and enjoy, that is the truth about marriage. No perfect marriage anywhere
ReplyDeleteDear poster, i don't think you overreacted. For him to have called you a lazy woman, he has the tendency of been a verbal abuser. They use derogatory words to make you think you have a problem but they are usually the problem. One way to guard your emotions in such relationship is to talk back as soon as you notice it. Don't let their word take toll on you. That is usually their aim. To demoralise you. Once they notice that you are not moved by their words, they will stop. Thank God you stood your ground. Please let this go and watch out how events turn out. Don't nag, am sure he will know the extend at which should not go with you. I pray God keep your home.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 & Poster 2, you guys both missed it in marriage.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 you should work on yourself and get better. He’s irresponsible and cannot be forced to provide for his kids except by some compulsion.
Poster 2, Who washes your own clothes, I’m not sure it’s your husband. He sees you washing your clothes and felt you could as well have helped to wash his jeans so why can’t you? And by the way, if he’s not buying the washing machine why can’t you buy it.. it’s affordable..
I have been married for 12 years and I have been with him for 14 years I have never washed his clothes even pant he is the one that washes mine with or with washing machine and he has never made a case about it and me in other hand I don't put all the financial burden on him I do everything and anything I can do to push the home forward.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: You can't force a man who does not want to provide to provide. It is that simple. That is why every woman should have only the children you are capable, God willing of taking care of yourself. I think you should stop giving yourself high blood pressure and anxiety about this matter. I have remained in a marriage with someone who has very non traditional views about providing. After I stopped paying him attention about it, he provides the way he wants to provide. And, it works for us. The way you must look at it if he died today or fell sick, will you not provide? Do you have male colleagues who earn the same as you, are some of them not sole providers. My sister, marriage is not a story book. Very few people have the fairy tale they like to project. Move on with your life. Double your hustle and don't bring anymore children into the world. Rely on God and carry your cross.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: I am with you on this one. Three months and he is already walking on demoralizing you, labeling you lazy. Don't intetnalize it o. Yes, I agree that watching TV and sleeping is a terrible thing to do all the time. You can use the opportunity to read, do online courses, learn a skill online etc etc. So please stop wasting your life. But, the labelling he has done worries me. And you must be alert not to become destroyed internalling by name calling. There is no need to say you regret marrying him. On top what? Griddle your tongue and be wise. On wisdom, save to get a washing machine. You work so why can't you buy it? Why must it be him? When the kids come do you think someone who wants you to wash jeans will wash babies clothing? You better borrow yourself some wisdom and buy it now or start saving now. Whatever you cannot tolerate in the night, in love and with great wisdom, don't tolerate in the morning. Nigerian women have refused to raise their boys right. So if you are married to one, you have to use love, wisdom, high sense to.have a somewhat equitable marriage. I always tell myself I am someone's daughter, I am a human being, I can't come and go and kill myself. Last, last there is no marriage in heaven. I have been married for 26 years to the love of myself. I know what I am saying. Wisdom my dear, wisdom.
King! So what if we are fucking stigmatized after divorce? At least we are happier! I am in the process of divorcing my ex-hubby. He didn't provide as a hubby and now we have a child, he's still not providing but wants to dictate how we should live and how we breath & sleep. Always saying 'It's good you obey God's word and be submissive' and 'I am the head of the home. Blackmailing me to talk to no 3rd party. I told only his elder brother to talk to him & he threatened to kill me.
ReplyDeleteWhy won't I think of my sweet child's future and leave. Should I let her see the abusive man as the ideal man? Tueh!