Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Alert...So long a chronicle.........

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

HEARTBROKEN THREE TIMES BY THREE STINGY MEN

Dear Stella,


Please keep me anonymous. Thank you for the job you are doing, you don’t know how much your blog does for me, I feel relieved going through your chronicles and laughing at the comments sometimes. Well done. Now to my story. I am going to take you all down memory lane on three of the men I have encountered in my life and dated. Please be patient as this is going to be long.



I am a young accountant who resides in Abuja, as for my love life, looking back from when I started dating, I haven’t really had a good relationship. Even the ones I thought were good, looking back now I am filled with confusion and regrets on what I settled for. 

I have this one ex that has been on my case since 2013 during my final year in school, I loved him then, I used to visit him in his house in Lagos, because I schooled in Lagos, then whenever I visit, he helps with the chores, followed me to market, helped in cooking etc. Nice man, he calls me many times a day and tells me how much he loves me always. But the problem is this, he will never give you one naira.

 Wait!

 before bvs crucify me, I am not materialistic or asking for too much, he was a businessman then, and claimed to be struggling in his business, but what baffles me is how one who claims to love a woman can never spend a dime or even gift her at least one bathroom slippers? He sends me pictures of designers shoes then telling me I should make my choice, but never for once has he bought me a simple dress or pant. The one that broke me was when he came to camp in Abuja to visit me with bare hands, this man literally came with nothing, I saw my mates returning to their hostels with gifts from their men, while all he did was bring out handkerchief to wipe my face, I asked him why?? Why do this? If I were your sister wouldn’t u come with something at least? Not even a loaf of bread? 

He claimed he has issues with his atm card.

 I shook my head cos he always has stories to tell. This is someone I have gone through his phone atimes and seen him sending money to his mum and siblings. On one occasion I visited him and while he was seeing me off at the park, I literally dragged 2k with him out of his wallet before he let go. He owns a shop, has his own business, I have told him severally that even men who were apprentices still find a way to make their women happy in their own little way, talk more of him that has a business of his own but he always claims he would build me mansions when he becomes a millionaire.

 I remember the first Time I visited him he gifted me a book on how to be an obedient wife, that was all he has ever bought for me in life, till today he still calls me and claims he loves me but I have been told that a man who has never spent a penny on your head and only offers love poems and poetry, I shouldn’t expect anything less than he is already doing when he marries you cos it would Only be worse, and then people will ask you if you didn’t know before he was stingy before settling with him? I have also been advised to discard stories like ‘some men don’t like to spend on their girlfriends till they marry them’ as that is false and a true man who is in love won’t do that, in as much as you aren’t siphoning all he has or being too demanding and materialistic which I know I am not.


I broke up with him many times, blocked, unblocked and now we are just friends as he claims even tho I know he keeps calling to say he will marry me.


On to the second man I want to discuss, In my quest to meet the right one God has made for me, I started seeing someone else who was introduced to me by a friend’s husband. I Was already tired of our phone conversations and thought that he was very dedicated to the relationship making out time to call me every time he had the chance.

 We became friends and bonded even without meeting each other cos of the long hours we spent on phone. He asked me to visit but I turned him down twice, I even asked him that if I was his sister, would he advise that she goes visit a man who she hasn’t met for the first time? His answer was no. But the third time when he pleaded that he has no leave from business unlike me who can take work leave, plus I got tired of the whole phone relationship, that’s including video calls. I decided to go visit him. I took the risk to go visit him from Abuja to Port harCourt, since he claimed business won’t let him.

 I remember ignoring my friend’s taunting who kept telling me to ask him for flight money and I shouldn’t reduce myself, according to her that if I start like this with him he would never see the need to treat me higher as he believes I can settle for anything but such men to my surprise will go all out for other women who didn’t settle or reduce their standards. I responded that I can’t do that to him or request for flight ticket as it’s road transportation we discussed. Besides I don’t know his budget and this is only our first meeting. Although this man wasn’t my spec when we met, like I was literally disappointed, shorter than I expected, uneven skin, rough looking. I ignored all that and I tried to be nice. 

I remembered the good times we shared the past months we met and how I have enjoyed his companionship, I convinced myself that it wasn’t all about looks and if he is a good man that’s all that matters. Let me not talk about how he left me for an hour at the park before he came to pick me, he said it’s cos he didn’t want to carry me to his family house so he had to go drop his sister first at their family house before coming to pick me so we can head to his own house. 

During my short stay, I related well with him when we met, I even cooked for him, but didn’t sleep with him because it’s our first meeting that is not to say that we didn’t share other intimate moments, I have already grown to love this man I was very open and being myself with him. I remember telling him during our conversations one night on getting to know each other better that I don’t love to pester men for money but I assume that as a man, one shouldn’t capitalise on that and pretend like they don’t know how to care for their woman.

 I told him I also reciprocate when shown love. He now asked me that what if I find out my man is stingy, what will I do? Loool. I didn’t expect that question but only laughed it off. I returned to my base in Abuja without anything from him. Even few of my friends asked that didn’t he give me any gift at least for making the sacrifice and risking the long road transportation to come visit? In their words ‘no thanks for coming?’ They asked? I laughed and said no ooo! Na so we see am o, just taking me out and buying me enough food and one retorted that what is food if not a normal need that anybody can do for a friend, I still didn’t complain but took it that everyone is different or he is probably testing me.

 I am a strong willed person like that and not easily influenced by what my friends think. Loool. They were even shocked at the amount he sent for my transport fare, the exact amount it cost for the transport. Our relationship continued after I returned and altho he kept in touch as usual, an issue came up when I noticed he spoilt my phone when we were together. He hit my hand mistakenly when we were about going out and It fell to the floor but my screen was okay, unknowingly I got back to my base and noticed my phone became faulty and was told it’s cos of the fall it had earlier. I didn’t call him to complain Immediately but repaired the phone myself, few days later, i opened up to him to tell him that the incident that happened when I was with him actually led to a fault in my phone and I was billed 25k cos it’s an Apple phone.

 Oga started stammering that why didn’t I tell him before repairing the phone? That he would tell me if he has the money or not bla bla. That was it and attitude started. He ignored me for about 3 days. Later on when we reconciled he claimed I should always inform him first before taking such actions. I was thinking he would send a refund to my account. The matter died there. I couldn’t help but to ask myself if there was anything I am doing wrong in life? I am content with what I have, yet I don’t meet men who appreciate and show me love, I didn’t call immediately to ask him for money to repair my phone cos I thought that would be seen as money conscious, I thought as a man who I am dating, I can tell him later of the predicament and he would understand and refund. Yet he never did. 

Remember I have never asked him for anything before since we started dating. To cut long story short. I told him sometime that I am having difficulty in getting fabric for a good friend’s wedding which I need to attend, oga answered me ‘what do you want me to do now?’ That was when it dawned on me that I have had enough. That led to a fight and the next morning when I called him he said I shouldn’t disturb him. I deleted him from all social media and moved on. I don’t want to talk about the lies he leveled on my head when we broke up. My friend came to inform me of all he told her husband about me. I was pushed to almost talk, to let this pain all out and tell her all that went wrong but I kept it to myself. I didn’t want to make myself a story to be tossed around between two male friends.

 It was so painful but I told my friend to tell her husband that we had irreconcilable differences. That’s all. I moved on with my life. I was later told by my friend whom her husband introduced us that he was getting married almost 3 months later after our break up. I didn’t know how it happened, if he met the girl almost immediately or dating both of us at the same time, I don’t know. If he was dating us same time then he must be a genius cos this is one that I was always on the phone with although we lived far from each other, we were always in communication and video calls, I knew his every move and he calls to update me always. Well I wished him well on getting the news.


The third man was introduced to me by another friend, yes. Another introduction you might say but such is life. I try to hang out when I can, that’s if I am not working or in church, the few men that have approached me aren’t those I want to settle with or I feel connected to. So apart from my tight work schedule, I am either out in church or an occasion if I am invited to one. I recall telling this my friend that I am tired. I am tired of all these link ups and I am not ready. She convinced me that this man is a good man and they went to same school that he is very mature.

 More so a Catholic which she knows is what I like. Well from the guys pics alone I wasn’t impressed but told myself the usual, that good behavior and finding a God fearing man is what matters. From the moment this one got my number he started off the conversation with speed, always available on WhatsApp, calling me sweet names, even told my friend who linked us up that I am an angel. Started pressuring to see me as he resides in Abuja as well. He told me of how he attends morning mass every day and his tight work schedule plus He’s a secretary in his society in church. Lool. Well I thought that maybe this is the one God wants as he is a good Christian and even a Catholic like me. 

When we talk on phone I noticed he sounds a bit authoritative but I shoved it aside. He is much older than me but that isn’t an issue cos I like older men. Well during our first date while he dropped me off at my house, he held my hand and told me he would love to visit my mum during Xmas to tell her his Intentions if only I agree. That he loves me and this short while we have met and discussed, he can feel I am a good woman And he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I was overwhelmed at this official asking out. I told him altho this is happening so fast that let’s see how it goes. 

We were very free during the first date and it felt like we have known for ages. I told myself that this could be the one. I noticed that after that first date, the rate he messages me and keeps in touch dropped drastically unlike before. I started giving him some cold vibes. Now when I think of it I start to blame myself that maybe I was too fast or so I thought after all isn't this one who talked about spending the rest of his life with me? Considering his age I thought he meant every bit of what he said. The next date he scheduled, he didn’t ask to come pick me up from my house as he did on the first date, but asked where we could meet? Well I kind of stayed on my own. He stopped communicating. My friend who linked us up got in touch and I told her what I observed. 

She said it’s too early and I shouldn’t expect much or over think things. That he is a very busy man as he runs his own law firm in Abuja here. Well she got back to the guy who told her that I am always over reacting and he doesn’t know what to say to me atimes. Well after my friend stepped in we reconciled and started talking again. But I wasn’t free with him. Most times the way he talks makes me uncomfortable. He would send me a long article on WhatsApp and if I ask him what it’s about he calls to tell me that he expects more from me as a Learned person and he had already sent same article to few of his learned friends who read it immediately and got back to him on their opinions without questions. Lol. 

It felt like a jab on my esteem and personality. I even promised to take him out for his birthday on my own little token, I mentioned few places we could hang out in Abuja here close to his office and he made fun of me saying that so I want to take him to the same restaurant my small boyfriends take me to. That he goes to high profile places, Chinese restaurant, Transcorp Hilton and co. Well I kind of shoved that aside and was still trying to get to know this man.

 On one occasion I spent the night in his house and we made out. Subsequently his attitude worsened, never calls at night but only in the mornings claiming he is busy. On one ocassion he asked we should see but unfortunately that day after work I was so tired and to make matters worse my boss informed us to be at work the next day which was a Saturday. Altho I promised to come over that Friday, I got back to him to cancel the meeting as a result of tiredness, he pleaded with me but I explained that I can’t come over that night as I am very weak and my boss has slated work for Tommorow being Saturday, he was so desperate, he promised to drop me off at work the next day but I refused. 

I was sad in my mind and I kept asking myself, what kind of man is this? Throughout the day, u never reached out to me, at least to ask how work is doing? Now On telling u I can’t make it to your house tonight as promised, u are begging like u have missed me the whole day and your life depends on it. After I insisted that I wasn’t coming, he was like it’s okay and I should rest. The next day after work I had in mind to call him to come and see him but the moment he picked my call he started by accusing me that I have abandoned him bla bla and I jokingly told oga that he is the one who doesn’t check up on me. Unknown to him I was actually calling to ask if he was at home so I could start coming but oga’s tone changed And I sensed the anger in his voice. 

I tried to calm him down that please I was only joking and not being serious but shockingly, he just politely told me to hang up please that he would call me later. That was the last I heard from him. I waited to know if he would call me one day but I never heard from him, just like my ex whom I blocked off after he didn’t reach out. Now I am seeing him telling people on Facebook when they ask him when he is going to settle down that he is going to call them soon as he already has someone in mind.

Dear Stella and my fellow BVS, I am 30 years, going to 31 this year. I have a job in Abuja, paying my own rent, Helping to take care of my siblings. I am not saying I am a perfect human but I try my best. When I go out I get compliments, fine girl, nwanyi ocha, oyibo!, etc. atimes those compliments piss me off! 

I ask myself if I am this fine why haven’t I been able to secure a man that loves me and values me? Why do men come into my life and work out without looking back? 

I see some desperate girls who bill their men to stupor yet they are appreciated and called wife materials. I try to be good I don’t ask for much, I am not saying I am perfect please but what worse sin or attitude do I have that is worse than any other woman in this world? The ones u think are greedy and money Hungry are being appreciated and shown love. 

They are proposed to and married by their men. Is there something I am not doing right? I always try to be nice and make sacrifices yet it seems I get men who don’t want to show any form of care or willingness to date me. What breaks my heart is the way these men move on without looking back like what we shared was nothing.

 Now I am left with my one and only first stingy man I discussed earlier whom I have known since 2013, he keeps calling to reassure me of his love and that aren’t getting younger that he wants to marry me. He claims he has changed but I haven’t seen any changes or him trying to show it. 

Atimes I ask God does this mean this is whom u want me to marry? 

Dear BVS please is something wrong?

 The way I see people getting married up and down while I can’t even hold down a meaningful relationship baffles me. I know many would ask the essence of this chronicle, now this is my question. Please BVS, from these 3 men I have encountered tell me what my fault is and what I haven’t done right.

What steps should I take from now on? Atimes loneliness wants to kill me in my house, I see young couples in church everyday and can only hope and wonder when I would have my own family and hold my own kids, I love kids a whole lot. I have been praying to for the right man. Please no insults I beg of you. Thank you for reading. Love you all. 

*Hmmm have you not noticed that all three men have the same behaviour?the problem might be that you unconsciously allow men with the same trait into your life,maybe to prove to yourself that you dont need a man for his money....

Your chronicle shows that you act like miss goody two shoes that doesnt want to bill her man while you secretly yearn for just that....

I dont know if got this right but you are the problem.....

Relax and go to places where you can meet new people since being introduced three times didnt work out....