STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIAGE PROPOSAL - FATHER SAYS YES BUT MOTHER SAYS NO
Stella please, there's this girl that is my friend, she came to me for advice but I seriously don't know what to tell her anymore cos I don't want to mislead her in such a lifetime journey....
Stella please, there's this girl that is my friend, she came to me for advice but I seriously don't know what to tell her anymore cos I don't want to mislead her in such a lifetime journey....
Their mom gave birth to about seven of them, she had issues with their Dad and left the Marriage, she packed them then to a church somewhere in Lagos State here, then they were very small, the pastor of the church was taking turns to molest them, they told their Mom but she beat them mercilessly for lying against her pastor, after some time, they relocated to the East...
Her siblings started dying one after the other, and they're just two left, she and her elder sister, their Mom told them a lot of unprintable things about their Dad that made them hate and avoid their father for 19yrs::::
I met this girl in 2017, then we both wrote JAMB together, when she got admission, they requested for a letter from the king of her village and her local government of origin, so she went to her father's family, because both her parents are Anambrarians,when she visited her father's family, they gave her, her father's phone number, she called him and introduced herself, immediately the man started crying, and was so happy to hear from her, at hearing that she needs to get those needed documents, this man travelled from Lagos to the East and got them all for her without stressing her, and still gave her a huge amount of money to support her admission, that was how her relationship with her father started
She started noticing that her father may not be everything the Mom said he is,
There was a time when the Mom had accommodation issues, so they moved in with one of their neighbors, a single guy cos the guy had been very helpful to them even when they were neighbors, until they were able to rent another apartment and moved out, this guy later started dating this my friend and has never seen her pant ooo, paying all her bills, to clothing, to feeding et all, the mom has never contributed a dime, not even a tube of yam,
Last year December, she and her sister came Lagos State to spend the Xmas holiday with their father and that was when this man opened up to them, how their Mom almost ruined his life, because the man is a luxury driver, how she sent him out of job with her troubles, she will bring the troubles to his work place and he will be sacked on the grounds that it's not safe to employ a driver with a troubled home, that he will not concentrate on his driving, he will be sacked immediately, that even when she left with the kids, that he sends her money which she always rejects, that at one occasion that she tore his hard-earned money right before him, that when her siblings were dying out of malnourishment, that he fought to take the remaining two back but she brought out knife and said that she will kill the two kids and kill herself too, that, that was when he decided to leave her, and waited for years to know if she will change her mind and come back home but she never did, so he remarried::
There was a time when the Mom had accommodation issues, so they moved in with one of their neighbors, a single guy cos the guy had been very helpful to them even when they were neighbors, until they were able to rent another apartment and moved out, this guy later started dating this my friend and has never seen her pant ooo, paying all her bills, to clothing, to feeding et all, the mom has never contributed a dime, not even a tube of yam,
Last year December, she and her sister came Lagos State to spend the Xmas holiday with their father and that was when this man opened up to them, how their Mom almost ruined his life, because the man is a luxury driver, how she sent him out of job with her troubles, she will bring the troubles to his work place and he will be sacked on the grounds that it's not safe to employ a driver with a troubled home, that he will not concentrate on his driving, he will be sacked immediately, that even when she left with the kids, that he sends her money which she always rejects, that at one occasion that she tore his hard-earned money right before him, that when her siblings were dying out of malnourishment, that he fought to take the remaining two back but she brought out knife and said that she will kill the two kids and kill herself too, that, that was when he decided to leave her, and waited for years to know if she will change her mind and come back home but she never did, so he remarried::
They spent that Xmas with the man and his new family and they confessed that, that was the best of their Xmas celebrations since 19yrs:::
Presently the guy engaged her and is ready to come see her family but the mom said that the Marriage will only happen over her dead body, she also swore that if she ever see them in Lagos State or at their father's house again that she will curse them, her reason for rejecting the Marriage was because the boy is from IMO State, she knew all this while that this guy is from Imo state but was still collecting helps from him, watched him train this girl from secondary School to university, now she is not ready to accept him and his tribe as in-laws but has been eating his money, the girls father accepted the guy .....
Please what should she do about this wonderful mother of hers? how do you think she should handle this issue ? the girl is very confused.
Presently the guy engaged her and is ready to come see her family but the mom said that the Marriage will only happen over her dead body, she also swore that if she ever see them in Lagos State or at their father's house again that she will curse them, her reason for rejecting the Marriage was because the boy is from IMO State, she knew all this while that this guy is from Imo state but was still collecting helps from him, watched him train this girl from secondary School to university, now she is not ready to accept him and his tribe as in-laws but has been eating his money, the girls father accepted the guy .....
Please what should she do about this wonderful mother of hers? how do you think she should handle this issue ? the girl is very confused.
Please advice as she will be reading the comments.
*Hmmmmmmmm......this is a tough one.....let them pet the mum into agreeing and dump her with her troubles after the wedding.
These kinds of mothers are the hardest to deal with. Pray that God will touch her heart and beg her.
ReplyDeleteLet her follow her heart n marry the guy. If she is a good Christian, her mum's curse can't follow her
DeletePlease oh.... Do Easterners discriminate among themselves? Na question I ask oh.
DeleteIf not for her kids dying or them remaining two, I would have said that's my mum she was talking about. My mum ...chai. she showed us shege and still doing. She doesn't accept criticism of any type, you'll become her enemy immediately and she'll fight you forever.
DeleteSome mothers are not really mothers, God forgive me o.
The issue here is, the mother might have dated that guy before or something like one night stand
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
My thought too.
DeleteOrrrrr, she might have tried seducing the guy and he didn’t fall for it so she is trying to hide her secret.
DeleteMy thoughts too
DeleteOil dey your head..
DeleteChizzy J..
There are many sides to this. The curiosity here is the "why?" True the guy and the mom might be ex lovers - especially in the days of him being "good" to them. Most women are easily drawn into "compensating" an habitual caring fellow - it states unconsciously but comes alive along the trail. That is the most convincing reason a mother wouldn't want a guy that had been good and "kind" to her family, not to marry her daughter.
DeleteSince he is from Imo, could it be that he is an Osu? But the father would have known better. So this might not hold water.
Then there is this suffering issue of deep rooted bitterness, that can play out involuntarily but conscious enough. That as much as she wants something good for her daughter's, she doesn't want it to have any affliction whatsoever with a resented husband. Could it be that the daughter and the guy have a seemless relationship with the father? Especially the said guy, which doesn't go down well with the mother. Considering all she might had said in the past concerning her ex husband to this guy.
Above all, I know single-parenting is often filled with such bitterness towards the other partner. But letting such bitterness guide the way one raises the children is a kill joy.
No matter how hard one tries to separate the children from both parents. When they grow up, they'd make their choices eventually.
For all the woman had gone through, she's letting her unforgiving bitterness define her daughter's happiness. I can't accuse her of being a wicked mother, because supplementing caring for a family singlehandedly, at the mercy of a benefactor, sometimes allows frail minds condole abuse and assault blindly. But she is definitely unmotherly, self serving and am intolerable parent.
So darling, if she doesn't come up with a convincing reason why you shouldn't marry this guy. Don't give her the power over your life, rather drop it at the feet of God in prayers. And all shall work out well for you. But ask questions and have this honest conversations with your guy.
This is a tough one
ReplyDeleteTell your friend to go into 7days fasting and prayers. Midnight prayers o. She should stay away from sin too while on it. Let her tell God to remove everything obstacle to her marriage if that man is God's ordained man for her.
I wonder how your friend's mum suddenly became the evil one because your father came around. This is the reason why most single mothers are always spiteful when the man shows up after a long hard years of suffering . How are you so sure what the man said is the whole truth but simply because he dropped a few wad of money he is now an angel.
ReplyDeleteWell, concerning the guy she refused your friend marrying. Refusing doesn't make her an evil mother, everyone has their fears about different tribes though sometimes unreasonable. You just have to convince her to accept if your friend is sure he is the one she truly wants.
Sabella, the mum suddenly became the evil one because your father came around" is not the point of this Chronicle. The point is that the mum has refused the daughter to marry the guy and the reason given in the Chronicle is because he is from Imo state.
DeleteThe guy's state of origin suddenly became an issue when he asked for her daughter's hand in marriage. But all the time he was spending his hard-earned money on the mum and the daughter his state of origin was irrelevant. If the guy's state of origin is the only reason her mother has refused her from getting married to the guy, then that is wicked.
@Sabella, did you see where the said pastor was molesting them one after the other and their mum did nothing to protect them? In fact, she beat them to into submission to the abuse.
DeleteThat is enough to portray the kind of mother she is.
@Sabella, she is the evil one because she beat her kids into submission when her said pastor was taking turns molesting them.
DeleteYou don't need another evidence as to the kind of mother she is.
My worry though is if the mum secretly dated or had a one-off sexual relation with the young man.
You are right about that@ Nice mum. She really flopped as a mother in that situation.
DeleteJust felt they shouldn't trust their father totally since they are just meeting and getting to know him too.
A dead beat father would not have welcomed them into his home. A dead beat father would not have travelled and expedited everything so the daughter could be stress free. And yes, dropping money is important but he had the option of not doing so but he chose to. The mother in this case sounds very spiteful and evil. The girl should go ahead and marry. NOTHING will happen to her if she stands firm.
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣@ SDK you is 'Wucked' I love your sense of humour atimes. Poster I think you should with Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteDoes the mother collect bride price when the father is alive?
ReplyDeleteNa so I begin with my ajuju n'ese okwu o 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
The heading wasn't confusing at all. Na foolish (Naija) woman wey carry her hands scatter her home (Prov. 14:1) dey make sure say no other marriage go hold not to talk of standing.
Even if they see two okuko -fowls, they will separate them fiaaaaaaam!
Sisi, make that girl work with her dad to make her wedding/marriage a success. When that Naija mother dey ready, she go join the bus.
🤷🏻♀️
So after how the mother treated them when they were growing up and hearing the father's side of the story, your friend is still confused?
ReplyDeleteShe's not serious. From what I've read, the mother is the one with issues. So she's comfortable with a man paying for her child's upkeep but doesn't see him as good enough to marry. She can't see that her mother is toxic?
I'm pitying the intended groom already.
I concur!
DeleteThat mother seems very troublesome. I guess she grew up in a troubled home and it played out in her own life
ReplyDeleteThere's a possibility that the mother is hiding something. Could it be that she once dated the guy or made advances towards him?
Is it that Osu thing?
These girls have seen their mother for who she truly is and already tend to think that their father wasn't that bad after all
To me, they should still press the mother for more info she's hiding. If they know her mumu button, they should press it before going ahead to marry.
I'll wait for other comments as well
A young man paid for her education and upkeep without sleeping with her and she wants to listen to her mum?!
ReplyDeleteThe woman has mental issues. Make them tie day woman rope carry her go yabaleft. After treatment she go dey alright before Una look for the way forward. Person wey im head dey reject good thing normal?
ReplyDeletee no normal o
Delete😂😂😂😂😂
DeletePet the mum for what? She has not been a good mother and her curse has no meaning. She should go ahead and marry the man and let the woman die.
ReplyDeleteIt was on this blog that someone sent a chronicle that she was married and either her Dad or Mum are not in the know.
ReplyDeleteMy dear if the lady is sure of the guy, let her ho ahead. This mother is evil. She has manipulated them and still wants to do that to her. She is an adult for crying out loud. If the mother didn't think the man was good enough why was she accepting help from him.
She has to be wise. If the Father has agreed who is the mother?
A curse causeless shall not stand. Proverbs 26: not sure of the verse now.
It is well.
You have said it all. QED!!
DeleteIf a story is your personal ISH, pls don’t be shy or embarrassed to say it is. I don’t like when people write to Stella and try to play smart by saying it happened to an friend’. I put it to you that this is YOUR personal experience.Met her in 2017 my ass. 🙄 🚶♀️Stella post o!
ReplyDeleteWhy would an anonymous writer lie? And what does that add to this narrative ? If you don’t have anything to add you keep it moving dear
DeleteMost people do that and my stupid narcistic public p***s of an ex does that a lot.
DeleteOne tube of yam? Eziokwu?
ReplyDeleteSince she gets her father consent, she should go ahead.....
ReplyDeleteif all the dad said is true then the mother has issues. What is the definition of witchcraft again?..i even pity her and the sister so they don't replicate this way of life they grew up into. If it is only because of tribe then she hasn't said anything.
ReplyDeleteIf she knows all she you stated here is true she should go ahead with the marriage. Her mother should be able to give her reasons why she is against the marriage. She might just be doing that to spite the man.
ReplyDeleteAny parent male or female who keeps their children away from the other parent without good reasons and by that I mean if they are not a danger to the kids, is just plain wicked. That your marriage or relationship broke up is not a good reason to do so. Don't be bitter and deny your children the joy of relationship with their other parent.
I am not sure the mum has earned the right to decide her future for her. What’s more important to me is whether the lady wants to marry this guy out of love for the guy or because she feels indebted to him. So long as they both love themselves and are convinced that God is with them, they should go ahead.
ReplyDeleteThat reason for rejecting the suitor is so dated, the mum should wake up and smell the coffee.
Moreover, that woman has a lot to explain, how her behavior had a negative impact on her and her siblings. True this is still story from one side, but her nonchalance when the abuse was reported just put me off.
Poster, the lady has to take charge of her own life for once. She and her intended to go to the mother and tell her humbly but firmly that the marriage will hold with or without her blessings.
If her mother could not stand up for them when the pastor who supposedly sheltered them molested her and her sisters, WHY IS SHE CONFUSED about getting married with just her father's consent?
ReplyDeleteThis her fiancé squatted them, then paid her tuition through school.
Her dad helped get her the requisite letters for her admission and gave her money when they reconnected after 19 years.
What has been their mom's role in the lives of her children?
Are there good things, sacrifices her mom made that for them that make this young woman desire to have her consent to marry this man?
I know some parents are blindly biased against one State or town (from same tribe) based on generalized views or past experiences of close relatives.
Whatever the reason, both parents have lived their lives based on their own choices.
MY ADVICE - MAKE YOUR CHOICE BASED ON WHAT BEST SERVES YOUR INTEREST AND HAPPINESS.
Poster, I think you are the subject of this chronicle. Live your life FOR YOU.
Please let the young lady marry the guy and forget what the mother said. They will make up after a while.She should sit her mum down and ask her why she is not in support of the marriage. If the reason is still because the guy is from Imo State. Please let her go ahead with the marriage. Some mothers can be unreasonable.
ReplyDeleteDo you see why women stay in unhappy marriage? Its because of situations like this. If they leave without their children, they are evil. If they leave with their children, they are evil.
ReplyDeleteThey can't win either ways
Poster, how do you expect a woman with seven children to be sane? A single mother. Do you know what she has gone through? Situations made her that way. YOUR FATHER made her that way. No woman leaves an innocent husband and run with her seven children. She must have weighed the consequences. Her pastor took advantage of her vulnerability, your mother knows he is evil but she is living in denial. I am sure she is not proud of some decisions she took but she had no choice.
When people advise women to leave their marriage, they forget the consequences. Its not all peaches and cream. Your mother played the role of both parents to you.She had to be strict, life situation made her tough.
Your dad waltzed into your life and told you one wonderful story. Why didn't he claim the seven children? Why didn't he call village meeting? Or take some of the children. Why? Look at you being all naive and silly.
Your mother advised you not to marry that guy because of her bitter experience or because she knows that guy better. Your father who is trying to make up for his absence and his guilt and will agree to anything just to please you. Have you ever seen a deadbeat admit it was his fault? Never.
Don't worry, you will value your mother when you eventually marry that guy.
I will advise you, stay calm, find out why your mom does not want him. Its bigger than being from IMO state but if its something petty like that, call her, plead with her to accept him.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Your comment is sensible. Parenting is hard, single parenthood is the hardest and leads to different experiences for everyone when the family breaks down.
DeleteI won't lay all the blame on the man because the woman also chose to marry him and keep having children until she also chose to leave.
DeleteFriend of the Poster, don't come out of this phase thinking you have one bad parent and another that was wrongly represented. Your father could have come with the police to drop few clothes and provisions for his children in the view of neighbors and your older ones. He could have gone to your schools to pay fees directly or give a trusted teacher your pocket money. He could have gone to court with the money he used for a second wedding after seven kids. He could have gotten your phone numbers from in-laws and relatives and be calling you from the neighbor's phone or the recharge card umbrella in front of your house. Your mother made her great mistakes, maybe even unforgivable but she was the only one you had for many years. Your Dad is forming loving and concerned now because he did not endure the trauma of slaving at a church as a homeless person and watching your children raped knowing that if you leave or make noise, you'd starve with 7 kids. If she wasn't mental before, she'd be mad after that. No woman who goes through that would be a happy camper. The people that would have told her to fast and watch war room won't give her money for feeding or trading and due to poverty, she's lost 5 kids. She's mad as hell and needs a lot of therapy. Don't paint her as a villian to the poster or other friends. She has her good and bad sides. Whatever your parents say, you are the one getting married. If the only objection your mother has is state of origin, thank her and inform her that you'd go ahead (I'd that's what you want, life's a gamble).
Don't marry this man because of money, guilt or any fleeting thing but think in The long term- plans for your education, career, his character etc. That way, you won't be like your mom, turning a blind eye to abuse because you're trapped. That's sort of your situation with this guy. Best of luck.
Anon 23:45
DeleteThank you. You had to break down everything I wanted to say in your second paragraph.
As for Poster's friend talking about best Christmas she ever had with her father's second family. She needs a rethink.
Your friend needs to understand that we may not all be born into a perfect home but let her love her herself and her mom and give her the best Christmas ever instead of pandering to her father's new family.
Let her get a job first, be independent and show her mom love before marrying this guy.Considering all they have been through, she needs to be independent before marrying this guy or anybody.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
How can he even remarry after seven children? Who did he leave those kids with to train?
ReplyDeleteWhen you give birth to as many as seven kids, remarrying and birthing more kids should not be your priority.
What an innocent father?
Your parents should tell their own side of the story in your presence.
Your mother may or may not have slept with that guy in a bid to feed YOU. Do you know what it means to be a single mother of seven kids and no job.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
The poster is the groom jare
ReplyDeletePlease tell your friend to go check her mom for mental issues..Specifically Borderline personality Disorder or Bipolar disorder with psychotic features....Better still schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar type. Thanks.
ReplyDeletePlease tell your friend to go check her mom for mental issues..Specifically Borderline personality Disorder or Bipolar disorder with psychotic features....Better still schizoaffective Disorder Bipolar type. Thanks.
ReplyDelete