STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SEVEN YEARS INVESTED FOR NOTHING
Good day Stella,
I have been dating for 7 years now, and I really love this guy.
I recently found out he chats a lot with this married lady in Cotonou, the first time he mistakenly showed their chat, she was wishing him a merry Christmas and wishing she could be with him to cuddle and kiss and all sorts.
This my BF that hardly calls me sweet names called this lady like 5 different sweet names all at once and told her he wanted to kiss the food she was eating off her mouth.
At that point, I lost it. He was pleading that it wasn't serious, that it's just normal chats he has for fun. Told me he can call the lady so both of us can talk( Biko what's my business with her, though the lady knows about me).
Stella, my BF is rich and the lady in question is kinda struggling with her husband so it's not about money or being a cougar, she should be in her late 20s or early 30.
I later forgave and told him to stop whatever it is he has with the lady.
We went out to eat 3 weeks later and he gave me his phone to look at the pictures we just took, I scrolled past the pictures and the next pic was a busty lady wearing a bra.
Stella, this is exactly the same lady but I purposely did as if I didn't know and was asking who the lady is.. He couldn't cook up a good lie, he kept saying d lady is a lesbian and hurriedly deleted the picture and took his phone.. No good explanation o, he was only saying I was over reacting and he is sorry.
I left and told him it's time for me to move on... He insisted we talk before any decision is taken, so I visited again
I just left his house, I got to know he has been talking with this married lady late at night (11pm or 12am) meaning that she's the last person he calls this period we've not been communicating. He clears ALL chats with this lady every day so no need checking his phone and I don't even have the password. But I got to know about the calls and I told him my source (very legit)
This guy denied it and insisted there is nothing. I told him it is time to call off whatever he has with this lady or I move on.
They may not have had sex but it looks like its really gonna happen once the lady comes into Nigeria. The way he protects his phone even though I have decided not to touch it again. He puts off his data and it's just both of us whenever I'm around.
He tries to justify his actions with the fact that his family and friends know about me, but my parents have not met him because he has never said anything about meeting them and I don't want to be seen as pushy.
(My siblings have met with him though and they talk once in a while). Even my mum complained about me dating a guy that they've not seen and stylishly insinuated moving on if he's not serious but on another hand asked me if I'm the person delaying him because they all know I'm a bit scared of marriage.
This thing happening now has even scared me the more because society see it as if all men cheat and we women have to forgive and accept it.
Stella he told me that he is damn serious with me and can't afford to lose me and that the lady in question is married, so nothing can happen btw them... I don't want to agree now and watch them communicate, then end up giving myself BP or getting a divorce *IF* we eventually tie the knot.
My spirit tells me to move on to someone else and forget him, but I have laid all my eggs in one basket these 7 years. He is my first and only boyfriend. I had 2 very serious guys last year and my family actually loved one of the guys and asked me to be very sure before turning down his marriage proposal, I didn't think twice and turned him down.
Staying single is not an option because I'm the only girl and my parents have been hammering omugwo in my ears.
What do I do?
I really would appreciate your advice and whatever advice I get from majority is what I'll stick to.
Thank you.
Good day Stella,
I have been dating for 7 years now, and I really love this guy.
I recently found out he chats a lot with this married lady in Cotonou, the first time he mistakenly showed their chat, she was wishing him a merry Christmas and wishing she could be with him to cuddle and kiss and all sorts.
This my BF that hardly calls me sweet names called this lady like 5 different sweet names all at once and told her he wanted to kiss the food she was eating off her mouth.
At that point, I lost it. He was pleading that it wasn't serious, that it's just normal chats he has for fun. Told me he can call the lady so both of us can talk( Biko what's my business with her, though the lady knows about me).
Stella, my BF is rich and the lady in question is kinda struggling with her husband so it's not about money or being a cougar, she should be in her late 20s or early 30.
I later forgave and told him to stop whatever it is he has with the lady.
We went out to eat 3 weeks later and he gave me his phone to look at the pictures we just took, I scrolled past the pictures and the next pic was a busty lady wearing a bra.
Stella, this is exactly the same lady but I purposely did as if I didn't know and was asking who the lady is.. He couldn't cook up a good lie, he kept saying d lady is a lesbian and hurriedly deleted the picture and took his phone.. No good explanation o, he was only saying I was over reacting and he is sorry.
I left and told him it's time for me to move on... He insisted we talk before any decision is taken, so I visited again
I just left his house, I got to know he has been talking with this married lady late at night (11pm or 12am) meaning that she's the last person he calls this period we've not been communicating. He clears ALL chats with this lady every day so no need checking his phone and I don't even have the password. But I got to know about the calls and I told him my source (very legit)
This guy denied it and insisted there is nothing. I told him it is time to call off whatever he has with this lady or I move on.
They may not have had sex but it looks like its really gonna happen once the lady comes into Nigeria. The way he protects his phone even though I have decided not to touch it again. He puts off his data and it's just both of us whenever I'm around.
He tries to justify his actions with the fact that his family and friends know about me, but my parents have not met him because he has never said anything about meeting them and I don't want to be seen as pushy.
(My siblings have met with him though and they talk once in a while). Even my mum complained about me dating a guy that they've not seen and stylishly insinuated moving on if he's not serious but on another hand asked me if I'm the person delaying him because they all know I'm a bit scared of marriage.
This thing happening now has even scared me the more because society see it as if all men cheat and we women have to forgive and accept it.
Stella he told me that he is damn serious with me and can't afford to lose me and that the lady in question is married, so nothing can happen btw them... I don't want to agree now and watch them communicate, then end up giving myself BP or getting a divorce *IF* we eventually tie the knot.
My spirit tells me to move on to someone else and forget him, but I have laid all my eggs in one basket these 7 years. He is my first and only boyfriend. I had 2 very serious guys last year and my family actually loved one of the guys and asked me to be very sure before turning down his marriage proposal, I didn't think twice and turned him down.
Staying single is not an option because I'm the only girl and my parents have been hammering omugwo in my ears.
What do I do?
I really would appreciate your advice and whatever advice I get from majority is what I'll stick to.
Thank you.
*You make this so complicated.....Your spirit tells you to move on but you dont want to be single cos you have given him 7 years?Maybe you have been dating yourself for 7 years...This is all kinda messy...This man is not ready for Marriage and even if he is,na one chance...
Make you waka abeg!
Make you waka abeg!
His relationship data bundle has network issues.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂
DeleteLmao
I almost choked on my tea
Your guy is reach but has kept you for 7 years without putting a ring on it. What for exactly???
DeleteThe writing is already on the wall. When you eventually get married it’s gonna get worse so if you are ready for this known heartache keep pushing and patching your relationship
Deletefor God's sake y are u bringing corona virus into your personal life, u have seen the signs that, that place is not a place u should be yet u are still there. i was in a 7yrs relationship and b4 i could leave i had to send about 2 or 3 chronicle to stella i would just be an hypocrite if i tell u leaving is easy my dear it is not but u just have to do it( leaving a 7yrs relationship is better than forever in hell). sometimes u get some1 better immediately after the breakup and sometimes it takes time so be prepared and get busy with ur personal life. all been said i know u are still not going to break up the relationship may GOD be ur strength and bless u with wisdom. las las everybody go dey alright
DeleteCotonou headquarter of Jazz
DeleteYou are dating yourself!!!!
DeleteAnon 15:51 your head dey there
DeleteIt's a lot easier to say move on. after everything she might still be there
Poster, I would advice you start seeing other people too while stringing him along like he's doing you if you still love him.
DeleteWhy I said this is because I know there's something about him that kept you there for seven years. It maybe difficult detaching totally like that.
So take it one step at a time. Once your mind is off him, dumping him won't be hard again.
Besides if he loves you as much as you love him, once you start detaching, he'll know and start adjusting his behaviour with speed.
All the best
Poster
DeleteI’m going to share my story with you in a bid that you might receive sense from it and do the right thing .
I used to be in a relationship. My first and only man ...for 6 years . I was in love and he loved me . He did . But after a while he started flirting with other women, apart from that he started delaying on the marriage plans . We started quarreling over trivial things .
Truthfully it was hard . Consider that it was my first and only relationship.
I read the writing on the wall and shifted . It would interest you that when he was trying to wriggle his way back into my life , he told me that the woman is a single mother and in his words ‘how can I leave you and go for someone like that’
Oh , but you could spend hours on the phone with her into the midnight but you can’t leave me for her .
When a man loves a woman , he would be the one pushing for the marriage . He would always go the extra mile to reassures you and allay your fears . You’re playing it safe and I regret to inform you that you would lose in the end .
Men know what they want . When a man acts as if he’s unsure , best believe he’s weighing his options ( yes options )
Do not enter a contraption for LIFE just because you have embarked on a seven year journey . You can still start afresh . You seem to be young .
I would also add that this is just an advice .
Take it or leave it . Whichever way , I wish you all the best ☺️
Thanks for sharing anon 16:58.
DeleteWent through similar thing. After 8rs when I saw no green light we talked and called it quits. Few months after guy got married. Meaning they had already been dating hence the attitude and behaviours he had been displaying at the time.
Poster you have seen the signs, do the needful.
Those that keep saying we should forget about signs, una try, but poster take it or leave it.
Just know this; a man can genuinely love you and wants you at the alter by all means but that is not enough! HE MUST THICK AT LEAST 75% OF YOUR REQUIREMENTS FOR A HUSBAND.He can marry you, love you but still enjoy the company of other women in place of yours. You will exhaust your self praying and fasting. Avoid men of easy virtue. Have it in mind that we are all built with different endurance capacity which is why is quoted 75% instead of 100%. There are things you can accommodate that I can't. Don't use anyone's yardstick. For every man, there is a woman who can accept him and his peculiar short comings. Just make sure you are not carrying anyone's masquerade. Stress and early heartache is the signal that you are carrying someone else's masquerade.
DeleteA lot of times our instincts don't lie to us
ReplyDelete@Kokolet
DeleteBut a lot of times, your greed arrests your instincts and put them in jail handcuffed.
But we choose to ignore them and end up hurt.
Deleteexactement!!!!!
DeleteDear poster , be bold and intentional about your happiness .
7 years might seem a very long time but forever is way longer .
So thread wisely please.
Anon 15:18 no matter how much our greed tries to come into play deep deep deep deep down ur heart tells you what's true...
DeletePoster are you sure you are not with him cus he is loaded? You say you dont want to be one of those women who forgive their husbands when they cheat, yet you saw your boyfriend disgrace himself by having relations with a married woman and yet forgave.
DeleteHe deletes his chats cus they are in a relationship, and yes they have both exchanged nudes, distance or not, who give these men courage to say chats are just to keep themselves busy? my hubby cannot say that to me.
If you want a life time with a useless cheat who doesn't respect marriage and its boundaries then go ahead.
Why dont you give other men a chance? at least get to know them, i am not saying you have to sleep with them but the 7years you have wasted in one basket hasnt hatched anything.
Better calm down and don't jump from frying pan to fire, this one you're saying staying single is not an option for you.
ReplyDeleteAre you with him or confused about leaving him because he has money ?.
Na question I ask o.
He's going to have sex with the lady aanytime they have the opportunity to be together, have that at the back of your mind.
Why waste all your life just on one man when you can come out of that situationship and find a real man.
DeleteYou are afriad that you will start afresh, that you have wasted 7 years but I think is better you start all over no Matter how many years you have given to this waster.
Time will heal all wounds, move on please.
Dear God pls grant us women more Sense, this is unbelivable.
ReplyDelete7 yrs of foolishness, this man will never marry u unless under sympathy. pls move on. You have lost all your value and confidence in this situationship.
Amen to this prayer.
DeleteI've made it a point of duty to counsel young adults ,
To avoid future chronicles like this .
We all know when a guy is loaded as she described above, reasoning is thrown out of the window
DeleteWe all know when a guy is loaded as she described above, reasoning is thrown out of the window
DeleteLet us forget his cheatings for a second.
DeleteYou stated this dude is comfortable but hasn't taken any steps to marry you?? Why? No introduction? No form of commitment apart from verbal assurance after 7 years.
My gut feeling tells me this dude has no plans for you and that is why he has deliberately avoided your parents. He is wasting your time, probably enjoying all the benefits of a married man so there is no need or rush to put a ring on it.
Then back to his cheating, you haven't even married this guy but he is cheating on you with a "married woman". Doesn't speak well and shows the kind of person he is.
If you want peace of mind and a happy home, run. The reality will hit you in marriage and he will get worse.
All the best as you reflect and decide on what is best for you.
Something is missing in your relationship so he's seeking it outside and that's what that lady is giving him. Tho it's not in anyway an express for him to go astray but I think you guys should work on getting back the flavour that's lost. 7yearsbis such a long time. see finish is reducing ona sweetness for each other esp from his side.
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should end it..
You're talking nonsense
Deletevery correct
DeletePoster, DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS ADVICE.
DeleteSo the bros is seeking for something lost with a married woman? Are you seriously ok?
For him to be doing this nonsense with another woman shows he lacks zero love and respect for the Poster. For him to be doing this nonsense with a married woman shows he has zero respect for the institution of marriage.
what is missing? thats how you people will blame women for every man's philandering. men who cheat because they want to..rubbish talk
DeleteIt's just see finish. 7 whole years
DeleteWhat's the issue with exes chatting each others of recent? I noticed my husband is now so involved with one of his exes these days, the lady is married with 2 kids. Read their chats today where the lady said she missed their old time and my husband replied same here.
ReplyDeleteMy BIL celebrated his birthday yesterday and the lady was asking where he will take her to, to celebrate his brother's birthday, my husband replied that "her baba oko abi". He's not aware I knew all these o. I'm ready to do pepper them gang for him, will start chatting all my exes and toasters too, I know he's very jealous
This must have hurt o
DeleteAnon abeg do it! These men ate so selfish n heartless!
Delete🤣 I am sorry to say but this is a cheating waiting to happen, the moment they catch themselves enh... Ihe ge me...
DeleteAt this point i dont blame those in open marriages. 🤣
how will you have something and be thinking of what you had?
I think he needs a wake up call, and that wake up call is a honest conversation on boundaries. As for that lady, she is utterly shameless.
DeleteAs usual, many folks here will advise you to take a walk just as Stelakokus has done. I hope you do. I also know that there are no guarantees of getting a better man for the rest of your life. The ball is in your court. Man na man, either way, he go survive well.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, remove that idea that staying single for a while is not an option, because no matter what your parents say, jumping from one relationship to another without allowing yourself heal and grow will only be detrimental to you.
ReplyDeleteSecondly. Know that any behaviour a man exhibits before marriage will only intensify afterwards. If you decide to go ahead with the marriage because you don’t want the 7 years invested to go to waste, get ready to deal with more of this kind of nonsense.
You already know what you should do. You’re just looking for someone to tell you to do otherwise. I’m tired of repeating stuff here mehn.
But when I yarn say Married Naija ("cotonu") girls dey press phone tdb to catch loaded husbands, no be only arrows I get from ndi uta eh? 🤷🏻♀️
ReplyDelete"Scared of marriage"
"busty lady with bra"
"parents harping on omugwo..."
hmm, Sisi, you wan jump into marriage because of wetin ya parents want or because you love the dude?
Okwa ajuju o
Has this very loaded "fork'dude proposed to you all these seven years (that persin wey dey jack medicine fit don finish do copper shun?)
Ajuju number two.
And your parent's loved those serious dudes for last year, are you serious?
So the yardstick for marrying is whom your parents love?
Wawu! Or you are pursuing this dude because he "is rich?"
See as dude just dey browse big boobies whenever and dey keep you as side chick without even uttering a word about marrying you?
"I am serious with you..." is not a proposal, ndi uta, is it? 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️💍💍
My sister run,this is typical of my husband,i left oooo,i cannot come and die,he is Seriously dating her,your his side chic...forget marriage with him,he wont change...bye..
ReplyDelete"Girl I am serious with you"
ReplyDeleteI have learnt a new proposal line today.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂
DeleteGoodbye felix/ felicia
@Chocolait
DeleteYour comment is more confusing that both corona and Ebola combined.
Lmao
DeleteIf you're a female I'm saying bye felicia
If you're Male bye felix 😂😂😂
It's just a slang
Sorry about the confusion 😂😂😂😂😂
How do girl dream about marriage to a guy and turn down good suitors when the guy has not even told you he wants to marry you?
ReplyDelete"I'm serious with you" is the new "I will marry you".
Delete@Mystery Woman
DeleteYour comment is more mysterious than your name.
If a guy tells a girl "I will marry you," is that a proposal?
Isn't it the girl that decides if she will marry the guy?
Girl I put it to you that you are with this guy because you think he is rich. You don't even love him in the first place. Gold digger.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.... financial security be making people settle for less than they deserve.
DeleteI said 7years please! We started when he had absolutely nothing. He just got his breakthrough 2years ago.
DeleteAbeg stop being a hypocrite. There's nothing wrong with a woman desiring financial security. As if you would settle for less if you had the choice. You remind me of some older women i know who would gossip about ladies for "turning down a poor man" but would do everything by hook or by crook, including go diabolical to get their daughters married to men they think are rich.
DeleteBesides, learn to read between the lines. They've been dating for seven (7) years which probably means the man possibly wasn't as rich as he is now. Hence the Poster saying she has invested in the relationship possibly means she was there when he had little or nothing.
Regardless of the Poster's motive, it doesn't justify his behaviour
@15:59
DeletePoster, he got his "breakthrough" by, coke or robbery? What did he break to get through and suddenly become rich?
Why are you shouting madam poster? Whether he got his breakthrough 6 months ago that is inconsequential. The handwriting is so clear. Leave now so you can find another person since being single is not an option (wrong mindset if you ask me). That one is into married woman which even worse. Most philandering men would tell you they would be dead before dating a married woman. Run now when you still have legs.
DeleteI can never date past two years except when I make up my mind marriage is not in the cards for me.
@16:02
Deleteaka poster. Did anybody say that it is wrong for a girl to desire financial security?
Ngwanu, let the girl marry finance. Once a lady writes a chronicle, she should be ready to
receive the advice she seeks and corrections too. So what you mean is that any lady that
dates a man for seven years began dating the man when he was poor. Score yourself.
You know the true color of a man when he don hamma. When him and poster dey since all these years wen e no get shishi e no cheat oo. Some men are scum
Delete@anon 16:29, see the Poster's response as anon 15:59. I was right.
DeleteMost ladies who have dated a man for years most often were with him when he had little or nothing. Unless he's from a well to do family which in such cases, the lady has the same background as he.
That's why it's harder for her to let go because she was there from the "beginning" i.e. when he was just starting.
@Sexyhips
DeleteAll of you have believed the lies the poster used to plaster her mess up because of the bashing she was getting for gold digging?
Wow! How gullible.
Ang why are you so annoying. You are stupid for calling her a liar. I no blame you, na the person wey bring her matter here.
DeleteU are obviously a side chick now as he is more excited about her than u for his reasons. It wil be difficult for u but what u can do is to put urself out there and start making new friends focus on urself n make urself happy u will see a guy that will to keep u more or as excited as ur selfish scum of a boyfriend. Since he is preoccupied wit miss big tits he won't fuss or make it that difficult to double date and triple date. So just keep this guy as a fall back but put urself out there for a new love interest, it hurts less dt way that way to move on n demand due respect. Marrying him will be a bad idea trust me.
DeleteMy, my, such a disgrace
ReplyDeleteThe damage is done you can't replace it
These are the things your mind will tell you
These are the things your heart will say
These are the things that leave you hopeless
These are the times you say
There is no way, no way, no way
But as long as you are breathing
You can start all over again
It your heart's beating
You can start all over again
Goodbye Sorrow, you can start all over again
Hello Tomorrow, you can start all over......
*Singing*
The problem here is You don't love yourself. Is better to be single than be with a cheat. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. A cheat in marriage will rip you off your self-esteem, self-worth, you will question your sanity, you will turn to an automatic FBI putting all his movements on surveillance, heart palpitations due to lack of peace. Lack of appetite due to too much worry, then you lose weight looking like a caricature of your old self.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think one of the easiest ways to be a ghost of your former beautiful self is to date or marry a cheat. They are blood suckers, energy vampires, stress uppers and shameless entities. They will so drain you that you will come back here and people will advice you to face your children. You become so attached and clingy with your children, overly involved int their lives that they get married and you still won't know where to draw the line on how to reduce communication knowing fully well they now have their own lives to live and you have to let them be. So you get termed the overbearing or nosy mother-in-law who have refused to face her husband but her son's and daughter's marriage. When it's not really your fault but the fact that you have built your world around them when you decided to make them( your kids) your focus and means of distraction while your husband cheats.
Aren't you disgusted with him, his cheating ways, your lackadaisical attitude towards it all, like! Aren't you disgusted with everything? Is it the money? Desperation for marriage? Why are you still there?
100👌
DeleteThank you.
DeleteYou just narrated the complete cycle of a frustrated wife from day 1 of being with a cheating husband to many years after the kids are grown and gone.
2 things are involved though :
1. She might have died from heartache or stds shared by darling husband.
2. She might testify miraculously how he turned a new leaf and changed for good.
Poster, your parents will always put pressure on you as long as you listen to their selfish "omugwo" demands.
It is you that will live with whoever you marry, not your beloved parents. Best wishes 👍
Dear Poster, You see this Sabellas comment, go and find big poster paper. Print it and stick on your wall. Read it everytime you have the urge to go back to him. I’m usually too lazy to type else I would have added my own comment.
DeleteI Stan!!
DeleteJust be smart and wise.
ReplyDeleteYou know those people who ask for advice but have already decided what they'll do?
ReplyDeleteWhat you accept now will continue after marriage.
Good luck, poster.
7 years and he hasnt even engaged you, a year is enough to know a man who is ready to take you seriously. Yet you turned down 2 suitors for someone who has studied an obtained a degree,a masters and is well own his way to securing a PHD on ur case. First thing you need to set your priorities right. He hasnt even met with your parents all these years like seriously?! well clearly you are not ready to leave this man so sit down and have an honest conversation with him; so i suggest:
ReplyDelete1. Get him to meet with your parents ASAP 7 years is not beans
2. Get him to commit to deleting all forms of contact with the woman
3. Get concrete details on what your plans are together (marriage)
IF you dont succeed with securing all 3 of these pls pull yourself together and move on, waste no more time madam
Smh
DeleteThe time she will use in "getting him to meet her parents, or getting him to delete contact with the woman or getting concret details on whatever plans you were talking about up there" she would have used it to be with a new man, married and have children. Shiooor
DeletePoster waste no sec with that devalued dude.
Just be wise and smart
ReplyDeletePoster, please permit me to say this. YOU ARE SILLY!
ReplyDeleteThat's just to wake your brain up.
What I find worrisome the most is you don't seem to make your peace your uttermost priority,
ReplyDeleteCos if you did you would tell yourself the following truth .
1 the lies and deceit is very glaring.
2 someone that's so serious with you wouldn't have time to flirt or frolic with other women .
3 being single is not a death sentence , it rather gives you time for re-evaluation and mingling with better people.
4 that no one should pressure you into just anything .
And lastly
That your future happiness is more paramount than what you're in right now .
Moving on isnt so easy but you shouldn't be scared of moving away from toxicity , except cheating isnt a deal breaker for you then you can stay , endure , marry and give your parents the grand children they desire while you wallow in self pity and misery when things go south eventually .
PS.... have you prayed to ask God for guidance and direction?
You really should if you haven't.
If you move on today, you won't get to celebrate your 8th anniversary with him. In other words, if you move on now, you moved on on time.
ReplyDeleteLike Stella said, you've been dating yourself for 7 years. Love yourself and leave that psycho.
See your life. The only reason you have not left is because he is rich. Stay there. Baba don see you finish. Abi wetin you dey give am way go make am leave the woman alone?
ReplyDeletePick your shoes and run as fast as you can....ladies please if a guy isn't given you a sign of spending the rest of his life with you just move on...irrespective of anything.
ReplyDeleteIf after 3 years you are just boyfriend and girlfriend then you should know maybe you are in for sex,the money,the social life and the likes....cos if after 3 years you can't define your relationship with the guy,pick your shoes and run..
7 years is way too long my sister,pick your remaining self and move on
you just annoyed me with your comment that staying single is not an option...total bullocks. so you want to die in the relationship when the red flags are in your face. wake up darling and smell the strong coffee brewing. this guy aint faithful and will not stop even if you marry him. let him go and heal, wait for the next relationship. while waiting dont put your life on hold. there is no award for the only girl please. dont let them rush you into marriage or force yourself on any man cos you need to settle down. yes we are married and it might look like we dont want you to enjoy what we are enjoying like some girls will say, but truth is marriage aint easy and though some of us still enjoy it it is not the only thing that defines a woman. pls listen to your heart and take a chill pill. another man will come
ReplyDeleteDon't mind her, imagine saying staying single is not an option or her.
DeleteShe will rather die in that relationship than leaving, since the guy gey money and she can't get another man to love her again..
Sis, this man might love you as he claim but he still wants to play the field.
ReplyDelete7 years is quite long, granted but time in a relationship means NOTHING if for the majority if it, you were unhappy.
So would you rather be happily single for the right guy to come along and love you like you should or stay with this fuckboy?
My friend, go and sit down. Its his money thats making you not want to leave.
ReplyDelete😜😜😜😜
Deletesomeone that has a picture of her wearing only a bra, talks at odd hours, and you think they dnt have Phone sex or exchange Nudes? lol
ReplyDeletebaby girl, dnt allow time to fool you! you can meet someone today that has a better intention for you than someone u met 7years ago!!
forget about him being Rich and go with what your spirit tells you and dnt be desperate!!!
There is nothing bad in being Single...its better to be single than for a guy to be disrespecting you like this. Jeezzz
How do you date a man for seven good years? how is it possible that u give a man seven years of your time? Dear Lord!! Can't you ladies learn? Geez
ReplyDeleteYour instinct are very real. Count your losses and keep it moving.
ReplyDeletePoster dear... follow your instincts and do the needful now,walk away and find time to heal! Yes I know you have invested seven years in it but it's not too late to make it right
ReplyDeleteAll the best in your decision making tho
Poster, i sincerely advise you to let him go. He will not change. Are you ready to spend the rest of your life married to a cheat? You think the past seven (7) years is long? The years of emotional pain associated with being married to a cheat is much longer and painful. Please, don't deceive yourself.
ReplyDeleteI know of people who dated their husbands for a lesser amount of time than a previous ex and are sincerely happy in their marriage
I was in this kind of relationship,6years with the fear of bin alone and starting all over again,one day I made up my mind and I took the bold step,I’m still young,pretty and have a lot ahead of me.i believe u can leave too forget his money,if it won’t work it won’t work ,u can only help him cover his bad attitude but u know the truth within urself and he won’t be changing anytime soon.once u get married it gets worse.use ur head not ur heart.
ReplyDeleteI was in this kind of relationship,6years with the fear of bin alone and starting all over again,one day I made up my mind and I took the bold step,I’m still young,pretty and have a lot ahead of me.i believe u can leave too forget his money,if it won’t work it won’t work ,u can only help him cover his bad attitude but u know the truth within urself and he won’t be changing anytime soon.once u get married it gets worse.use ur head not ur heart.
ReplyDeleteBaby Girl you may not know me, but believe me when I say this: MOVE ON!
ReplyDeleteI have worn similar shoes before and mine was also for 7years, so I understand to an extent how you feel considering the number of years you’ve been together.
Just let go and move on, everybody will be fine.
If the majority tells you to leave him will you? Since you say you'll do what the general consensus is. So this is me adding my sincere opinion to the poll. L.E.A.V.E H.I.M... It will only get worse once you tie the knot.
ReplyDeleteWhat did they say about a word and wise people?...
Lol @Maybe you have been dating yourself for 7 years 🤣🤣😂😂
ReplyDeleteIt's your greed that is making you stay back,hence falling deeply in love with someone that doesn't give two fucks about you. Move on!!!!
ReplyDelete''My spirit tells me to move on to someone else and forget him, but I have laid all my eggs in one basket these 7 years. He is my first and only boyfriend.''
ReplyDeleteyour spirit is telling you the truth, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, the Good man needs to go for the better man to come...be brave enough to let go...7 years is small compare to the forever you will stay with him..my sister be wise...
Sweetheart, you know the ubiquitous question that seems to annoy certain blog visitors when other blog visitors ask after reading some narratives? The infamous "didn't you see the signs?" question? I can't think of a more befitting textbook case, if you make the mistake of marrying this man. The Biblical " mene mene tekel upharsin" is all over your narrative, I can't believe you are even considering marrying him just because you've spent 7 years with him. Really?
ReplyDeleteHey! I'm a proponent of long courtship but 7 years without so much as an introduction? Nah! Something is definitely askew. There's a quote that comes to mind, it goes thus, "characterise people by their actions and you wouldn't be fooled by their words." All his "I love you"s are grossly incongruous with his actions, sweetie. A man who loves you would usually show you with the way he treats you. If he hasn't made the move to wife you after 7 years of courtship, chances are he doesn't see you as his future wife. Men like this usually marry someone else within the year they end a long courtship. Even if you are scared of marriage, that shouldn't stop him from proposing, no? Come to think of it, for a lady who claims to be scared of marriage, you seem rather eager to take the plunge. That's quite extraordinary.
Now let me turn the spotlight on you. Darling, why in the world would you continue dating and even consider marrying a man who makes sexual overtures to a married woman? What makes you think such a man will honour any marital vows? It takes a man completely devoid of scruples to engage in such. I don't care if you are the only female in your lineage, that act alone completely disqualifies him.
You think being single for a while is unbearable because you are the only girl? Wait till you get married and then get divorced. I, too, am the only girl in my family and I guess divine providence is responsible for my marrying early because I was groomed not to accept less than what and whom I deserve all in the name of marriage. As a matter of fact, because I was the only female child, my Nana and my mother made sure I carried myself like a Queen, naturally only a man who treated me as such, would do. It's never too late to discover the inner Queen in you. It's one thing to be tolerant in marriage but, please NEVER give a boyfriend the opportunity to disrespect you twice, once is more than enough. The only reason this relationship lasted 7 years is because you allowed it. Please leave with whatever is left of your dignity. Let the right guy for you come your way.
e-hugs and kisses.
First time of reading your write up to the end.
DeleteDon, you really tried 👏
DeleteWell said
DeleteOh @Don,🤣🤣🤣 Me like long epistle sha..
DeleteIs Ronalda our new chikito the original or Reuben Abati?
I will pay more attention to Ronalda epistle henceforth, bring it on 👍👍🍷🍹
Follow your spirit
ReplyDeleteHaha my dear i have been exactly in your shoes but mine was 10years, yes I said 10 years because I met him during my secondary school and he was serving someone in lagos before he got settled and he started making cool money.
ReplyDeleteI suffered serious heartbreak and delay cos I missed most of my youthful life but life has been good.
Do you know that most girls tend to loose their value towards a guy in a relationship as the years go by.My dear he doesn't love you as you claim,love is how you feel with him and not what he SAYS.
He is just keeping you cos probably he is your first but it is very clear that he may just want to marry you for consideration and not pure love again .
It is very obvious that he is a cheat and already cheating with that woman and others but you maynot know because you have not found out. Definitely he gonna sleep with that woman whenever they see,YES! he will.
He is very irresponsible guy for even having something to do with a MARRIED WOMAN,God forbid. That guy will shatter your heart and soul when you finally marry him and he has started seeing you as a nag bcos most guys like him, who cheats automatically tag a woman nag when she talks bcos they expected her to take all their bulshit.
My dear MOVE ON and if you do,expect him to come begging you and probably with crocodile tears and he may promise you heaven and earth and start spoiling you but have it at the back of your mind that he will deal with you emotionally if you decide to go in with him for life.
Leave him,give your self sometime because there is nothing wrong in being single and don't let your family push you to eternal regret.
You will definitely see a man that will cherish you and give you the peace of mind and respect you needed atleast better than him because no man is trusted. Thank you
I just want to state 2 or 3 things;
ReplyDelete1. In a whole 7 years of dating, your parents do not know this man? Was it a friendship that somewhere along the line grew into a romantic relationship? I'm relieved that at least your siblings know him. 7 years is a long time.
2. That he is emotionally cheating is bad, what is worrisome for me is his chosen object of affection (a married woman?)
3. I have concerns with you scared of being 'alone', I cannot categorically tell you to break up or not, but if you choose to break up with your boyfriend, do give yourself time to heal.
...yes, 7 years is a long time, you will hurt whether you choose to stay (I doubt that he will get over the other lady very easily, so you might always have her to contend with) or you choose to go (all breakups hurt, and yea 7 years is a long time). Cheers!
My sister go e your life to JESUS
ReplyDeleteIf you still have time to read comments, please don't miss mine.
ReplyDeleteEveryone can advice you here on what to do, but it is only you that can finally do what is BEST for you. There is no boast in dating a man for very long, but if you finally do, it should not be because he is not ready. Will it be painful if you leave? Yes. He might even probably get married immediately to someone else within a year of leaving him...but know this, like Ronalda said, babe, know your worth!
I dated for 8 years..went through the while shinbang..I told my self, even after seeing all the signs,"I must see the end".. But where did it leave me?..a divorcee with a child. Never ignore the signs babe..there are better men out there, marriage is sweet..and there are better men who will make it your while. Wish you the best love
ReplyDeleteHave a back up man because sis this will end in tears
ReplyDeletePoster, please leave him. Don't wait until you see his marriage pictures with another woman on Facebook or a friend's WhatsApp status.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, women who deliberately date a man with full knowledge he has someone else in his life especially when it's one who has been in his life for years, is it that you don't have a conscience? Not caring about the emotional trauma you would put another woman through. These women who are dumped after years in a relationship always find it hard to go on. They rarely open their hearts to another and some of them never get over it. But you go ahead and hope to have happily ever after with the man.
God forbid I build my home on the tears of an innocent woman.
Poster, he's not doing all these with a single woman. He's doing it with a MARRIED woman. That alone should make you run
ReplyDeleteFor your sanity and peace of mind, leave this man. Sticking with him will result in one of two things, he will not marry you, or he marries you and you deal with worse in marriage.
ReplyDeleteThere’s nothing that disgusts me more than a man that dates married women, to me that’s the height of disrespect for oneself, eating what your fellow man is eating.. Tueh!!!
I know you feel like you stuck with him when he didn’t have money and now that he’s rich, you feel like the money is yours to enjoy too. I’ll have you know that there are many other rich men in this world.
Also, sometimes, being single for a while is the best thing that can happen to a person. You learn so much about yourself and the world at large.
You don’t need to marry this man. But if you still go ahead, I beg you don’t write any chronicles to Stella because it won’t be fair on anyone of us giving you advice
Poster, RUN,RUN,RUN as fast as your legs can take you
ReplyDeleteThe guy is not serious at all and it’s better for you to have a plan B, I’m also a Man and I can tell you sincerely that any guy that dated a lady for 7 yrs without visiting her parents home is not serious with the relationship. Have you ever told him that your parents said they will love to meet her friend of 7yrs????
ReplyDelete