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BROKEN ENGAGEMENT IS BETTER THAN BROKEN MARRIAGE...

Good day everyone! I have read lots of stories on domestic violence in marriages and I have decided to share my story. This may be a long read so I advise you bear with me. I sent it as a chronicle yesterday but it didn't deliver. Dunno why.

Over to my story. I am a working class Lady in my late twenties. Beautiful and attractive. I started dating late because I wanted to focus on my career. I met this guy two years ago at a friend's wedding anniversary and we clicked almost immediately. I decided to give relationship a trial since the previous one didn't work out and I am not getting any younger.. 

After several months of asking me out, we started dating early last year. It was a long distance relationship. He lives in Lagos and I live in PH but since that time, he has been trying to work his transfer back to PH so we can be together (his company has a branch in PH.) And he has been complaining that he doesn't like Lagos. The first few months into the relationship was smooth and lovely, I do visit him sometimes when I'm less busy during the weekend. We also talk on phone almost everyday. The problem I had with him then was his talkative nature. Dude can talk 24hrs without stopping and he tells me everything. He is that open with me. He even told me that when he was in uni, he led a cult group, but he later renounced his membership and his parents sent him abroad to complete his studies. 

But I noticed he is too violent and whenever he is angry, or we have a disagreement, he likes using swear words and other stuff like "if I slap you ehn, it's like you want to cry," but I just overlook these things thinking it was just a normal joke. I also do say stuff like that sometimes too jokingly but I am not a violent person. Maybe I didn't really take note of his attitude because it was a long distance relationship and I was in love.

Well, he finally worked his transfer to pH late last year and we got to see each other more often. That was when I saw the demon in him. The first time he slapped me in his house, I thought it was a joke. I saw a girl's nude on his phone and confronted him, his explanation wasn't adding up, we had a heated argument, i called him a hoe and the next thing was "twai" on my face. I was blind for some seconds then I started seeing stars. I couldn't just believe it. I sat down there dumbfounded while he left me and went to his room. I picked up my bag and left, he started calling me that night to apologise. For three days, I refused to pick his calls, he begged and begged and I forgave him.




The second case of dv happened few weeks later, we both attended his friend's birthday party at the club, my bf and his friends were dancing when a guy came and was trying to talk to me, he didn't know i was with my bf. the guy was drunk so I wasn't really paying attention. I was just there sipping my drink. He sat down beside me and was still talking when my bf came and dragged me outside. He started shouting at me and when I tried defending myself, he slapped me and dragged me inside the car and zoomed off. He called me a loosed girl, saying I was leading the guy on that I should have left that place when he was talking, bla bla bla. He later apologized and blamed it on alcohol. He said he was drunk that night. Still, I forgave him.
Well, the beating continued and I was already getting used to it.




He hit me anytime we quarrel. Though he usually apologises. He knows how to cry and beg very well that sometimes I just pity him and accept him back. I lost my self esteem and my pride, I was always doing everything to please him, I turned different men down all because I was in love with a monster! I almost lost my job because there was a day I didn't go to work for three days and missed an important seminar all because of him and I was issued a quarry. The reason I didn't go was because I had a black eye from the beating I received the previous day.

To cut the long story short, he proposed to me on my birthday which was first week of January. I accepted cos he proposed in public. I wasn't too excited and I didn't even post it on social media. After the proposal, he asked me the reason for not posting, I sat him down and talked to him about this issue of dv, I told that if he really want me to marry him, he should never lay a finger on me again else I won't hesitate to return the ring. He agreed and promised to stop. He even swore on his late mum's grave that he would never touch me again. I also told him to stop drinking and smoking, he said he would stop.

That period, he changed for a while and was acting all lovey dovey. He even asked me to move in with him but I refused. He was already pestering me to go see our parents and fix a date, but I was already loosing interest. He reminded me that we are not getting younger anymore and secondly, my mum was already on my neck to get married. So we went ahead to see my parents. We fixed a date for our intro and things were going on smoothly.

The final straw that broke the camel's back happened few weeks ago, we had a little misunderstanding and he stopped talking to me. He even blocked my line. he called me a day to Valentine and told me he would like us to hang out together on Val's day. I told him I wouldn't be free cos I will be on night duty that day. I told him that if he had told me earlier, I would have looked for someone to cover up for me. He started complaining that I'm choosing my work over him, he is not important, bla bla bla. I told him I will make up for it the next day which was on Saturday. When i discovered he was still angry, I told him I'll look for a way out to be with him that night.

 But I was very busy that night, nobody to cover up for me and I couldn't just leave my work like that. I called him and told him the situation of things, he got angry and ended the call. I went to his place from work the following morning after handing over my duties at work. He was still sleeping and recovering from hangover he had the previous night. He started shouting at me telling me how I stood him up on Val's day, how I disgraced him, all his friends were with their girlfriends and he was all alone, he said he planned to surprise me that night, he wasted all his money cos of me, he kept on ranting and shouting and when I tried defending myself again, he said I should shut up and not talk when he is talking. I told him that he can't shut me up cos i have heard enough.

 He said I was with someone else that night that's the reason I stood him up. Before I could even say jack, He slapped me and this time around I slapped him back cos I was already fed up. He got really mad, locked the door, pushed me and started beating me. He beat me up to the point that I was so weak and couldn't move. At that point, He tore my clothes and forced himself on me. I wished I was dead, I tried to stop him but couldn't even fight back cos I was so weak. I was so angry and bitter. When he had fully satisfied himself, he went to the bathroom to shower, I was still on the floor lying helplessly. He later came back to apologise, this time around, i was so bitter and mad. I was about leaving but my clothes were already torn. He gave me one of his polo to wear and dropped me off at home.


I couldn't even talk that day. So many things running through my head. He kept on begging saying he was drunk and that he would never drink again. I kept mute. Deep down my mind, I knew it was over. Later that night, I sent him a text that I'm done with him. He started begging again as usual thinking I'll accept him back. He came to my house the following morning but I refused to let him in. He has been begging, all his friend and family members has been calling me to beg. I have already made my decision and not going back. I went to his office on Monday of it to return his ring, he was shocked. 

He reminded me we are supposed to get married by June and we are not getting any younger. I told him I'm no longer interested. His sister has been calling me on phone, crying and begging me to forgive him. I told her I can't marry a rapist and a wife beater. She was shocked when I told her her beloved brother r***d me. She begged me not to tell anyone. I told her I can't keep quiet about it cos her brother is not ready to change. Someone that swore on his mother's grave that he would never touch me again, he ended up doing worse.

Well, I am happy I broke up with him finally and not going back no matter what happens. I blocked him on all social medial handles. I have forgiven him but can't forget all the abuses I suffered in a hurry. I am enjoying my single life once more and I'm happy I didn't continue with the marriage plans. Our intro is suppose to be next Saturday. His dad called me last week and told me to reconsider. He said his son is a changed man now currently undergoing rehab. I bluntly told him I can't and his son should look for someone else. He said his family and friends have started calling him regarding the intro and I shouldn't being shame to the family by turning them down. (His dad is a high profiled man in the society)

 I just ended the call cos it seems they care more about their family name than my own life. I have already lost interest in the whole thing. I cant marry him. At first I thought I could cope but it was just too much.... I won't even pray for my enemy to go through this. We should learn to speak out and stop encouraging dv. We should stop enduring and suffering in silence. 

 I just hope someone going through domestic violence in relationship learns from my story. Broken engagement is better than broken marriage. He won't stop after marriage, and won't change either