PROBLEMATIC SISTER IN LAW
I did my nikkai in 2018 but due to the fact that I was still schooling, I stayed with my parents until 2019 when I discover that I was pregnant..
Fast forward to June last year, I had to move to my hubby family house cos I was almost due....
I did my nikkai in 2018 but due to the fact that I was still schooling, I stayed with my parents until 2019 when I discover that I was pregnant..
Fast forward to June last year, I had to move to my hubby family house cos I was almost due....
I put to bed in July and started living with MIL, the first red flag I noticed was that SIL and MIL did not help me with washing my stuffs just few hours after birth. I threw one of the wrapper that was badly stained away and they were blaming me that I should have washed it or given it to hubby to wash.
The only thing MIL did for me was to carry my baby,bath him and prepare amala for me in the afternoon. I cook in the morning. I started washing baby clothes and mine the second day after giving birth...
Three weeks later, SIL came to visit along with her three kids, I will wash my clothes, hubby's and her childrens clothes, cook etc.I helped her cos she was pregnant then..
We had minor issue then but we resolved it before she left..
Fast forward to 2 months later, She came with her 3 kids + the new baby and up till now, they are still around.
She is so toxic and bitter, one time, she reported me to hubby in the presence of her mum and hubby disagreed with her, she started keeping malice with me.
I noticed but I did not say anything .
Right now we don't talk to each other in the same house. I am thinking of going home to my parents since she is in her father's house, let me also go back to my father's house. I have not even talked about her kids ......
*Na wah..so what is her reason for coming back home?So as it is now your hubby still living in his Family house?
Can your hubby not get an apartment somewhere?if you get a solution for this one,what about tomorrow?Some in laws are straight from hell...I wish you the best in handling in this one....
That’s the problem with children that are given everything abi how will an able bodied man be living in his family house with his wife and child?
ReplyDeleteMe nko that started cooking and washing that same day after childbirth? My mum came for omugwo to frustrate me. She will never come visiting again..I no wan talk.
DeleteI started cleaning and cooking that same day and my big sister was with me.
DeleteI washed her clitfesxand her daughter's. After 2 weeks told her my hubby said she should leave. She left in annoyance but right now we are cool. I cannot come and die.
I quickly learn to bathe baby after 8days...
So ur husband can't rent even a face me i slap u so u can have peace of mind.
ReplyDeletePoster, it's all your fault! What were you thinking marrying a man who lives with his family? Young as you were, you were in such a mad rush to get married, to the point that you got married in school! To a poor man who could not even afford his own rent at that!!
DeletePlease, stop disturbing Stella and the bvs. The jollof rice you cooked is ready, dig in already!...
That's their culture in the South-West. I hope their next generation does not make the same mistake.
DeleteTell your hubby to get an apartment even if it’s small and move out.
ReplyDeleteGo back to which father's house?
ReplyDeleteStay in your home and fight your battle. You started cooking two days after giving birth? Wow 😨
Just be good and do not allow them oppress you like that to the extent of you wanting to go back to your parents house. Do not give them that power. Ignore her and if she doesn't respect herself, give her hell. All these stupid inlaws that think they have the power to make you accept whatever nonsense they dish you all cos you are married to their brother. Face her head on.
Sluttychic.
Slutty, but she’s not in her home.
DeleteThey’re putting up with his parents.
Every couple needs their own place abeg.
But what if her husband is not buoyant enough to get their own place? That's not enough for her sis Inlaw to treat her that way.
DeleteSluttychic.
Senseless advice. It's not every battle you fight. She's a new mum and needs to focus on herself and her baby not fighting meaningless battles. What is best for everyone now is separation, distance for the sake of their peace of mind and respect. Such people don't change but rather aggravate you more and drag you down to their level. Poster, press it upon your hubby to get his own place. In the meantime, please go back to your father's house. I don't even know what you're still doing there.
Delete@sluttychic a man not buoyant enough to get an apartment is a boy and should not get married. Even face me I slap
DeleteDre, next time, don't come under my comment to call it senseless. If you don't like it, scroll to the next comment.
DeleteSluttychic.
Slutty, if her husband is not buoyant enough to rent an apartment, then he shouldn't talk about marriage in the first place, why the rush? Let both of them rally round to get money for at least, a room self con, in this age and time, who still marries in family house?
Delete*Larry was here*
It's not that simple and easy for some. People started their lives in their parents houses with their wives and kids until God blessed them. They will surely leave one day.
DeleteSluttychic.
That's not a responsible way for a man to start a family hoping to be blessed some day so as to move out of his parent's home.
DeleteA man must be sure he can provide the basics - shelter, food, clothing medicals plus education for the children. Plan.
Pls go to your parents too and help hubby by all means to get accomodation. Don't stay long there as the film is just about to start.
ReplyDeleteThe solution is in your hands, you didn't mention you are done schooling so that you can move in with your husband because I want to believe for you to marry while in school means he was ready for marriage. So dear poster back to your home and everything will be in your control. Let me use this Yoruba quote "àgbè má ja kan osi". So until everyone is in their space there is band to be conflicts.
ReplyDelete*bound* to be conflicts @15:10
DeleteAwwwwww sorry poster, some in laws are very difficult to deal with, some are bent on just frustrating you for no reason, can you try and talk to your husband maybe you guys can get an affordable apartment, you will be fine hun.
ReplyDeleteMadam pls look for accommodation elsewhere with your husband and leave that toxic environment no matter how small the house is
ReplyDeleteA man shall leave his mother and father..that includes family house.
ReplyDeleteYour husband getting his own place will put an end to this chronicle.
You started taking rubbish from thr begining by washing your SIL clothes and that of her kids when it was glaring that you needed help.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to put my mouth in your MIL matter.
Don't start what you know you can't finish.
Don't go back to your father's house..Just remove that defeatist mindset abeg..You are married so whatever issues you have, you and your husband should join heads together and solve it..First ask your husband why his sister is there and when will you guys move into a new apartment..What are his plans? This is not the time for pussy footing..He has to put boundaries nobody said inlaws to visit but I wonder why she had the effortery to report you to your husband...
ReplyDeletePlease husbands/wives learn to respect your wives/husbands..Once someone whether mama, sister or friend wants to report you about what your wife/husband did..Endeavour to ensure your wife is present in that meeting to avoid side talks please don't entertain it..
Your hubby disagreed with her or not.
ReplyDeleteHe allowed all that from his mom and sister. No matter how terrible a mother in law or sister in law is,the fault comes from the man.
Just try and tell your hubby to get an apartment or else you haven't seen anything yet.
Sometimes I just imagine things, my wife will put to bed and my mom will be around and see her washing or cooking and she wouldn't help..can never ever happen I trust her.
So your mother in law will see you washing her grandchild clothes plus your sister in law kids and she won't say anything.
Its high time we start making awareness that when a woman gets married she is not to be subject to SLAVERY.
I still dey laff for some comments here. Come tell my obodoabroad mother in-law that is over 70 to wash. When she never speak grammar finish of how she worked and went to school and still had her children in London like 52yrs ago. I personally won't wash my sister in-law children clothes even if na washing machine.i no go fit. I don't expect you to wash mine too. Anything you do for me na plus, but I am ever ready to try and do stuff myself with hubby. I still dey admire my friend that year in 2008 that had twins in London with no single help from anyone. Her mama na nurse for US at the time and she didn't come until babies were almost 4/5 months. My dear na only she and hubby face the twins wahala o. In Nigeria people have nanny, maid, everything and I don't have any and I still complain about dirt on their window sill, kitchen cabinets not clean out quarterly. Some never iron before sef cos they dryclean yet they complain of too much work as a stay home wife with help o. Na wa. Make writer no complain o, na you marry man wey still dey live for family property. Nobody dey enter my house without calling a week before to inform us. And when you come maximum two days dey waka. These rules no go work after marriage o, discuss it before. Manage ehn till you guys set priorities right.
DeleteAnon 17:50 as you have aknowledged that getting help from in laws when abroad is luxury, admit that life over there even without a maid is like basic luxury. There is constant electricity, good time keeping public transport system, hassle free shopping for clothes and food in well arranged stores for both rich, average and poor while just pushing the pram, washing with a washing maschine even if you can't afford to buy you use the one that is included in the rent or a public one, in general a basic comfortable life can be gotten on even a working student salary. Stop feeling like a there is something special about running your errands as a new mum in London. You are not facing the same level of physical and mental stress of living in Nigeria. Let me not forget the fact that horns are not blasting around you while running those errands is luxury too.
DeleteAda.
Well-said m, Ada. 👍
DeleteAunty ada with all this write up ,na naija u dey .when u get to the obodo you will know it's not as easy as you are saying it .no time to type but give it to women abroad raising kids and working
DeleteTake some time off my dear.
ReplyDeleteWhy not get your own apartment and leave that house, that's one thing I can't do.
ReplyDeleteSister in law is a unhappily married woman pouring her bitterness on another home. If she's happy, what is she doing in her father's house?
ReplyDeletePoster, don't leave the house for her. From what you've stated, your husband has got your back. I advise you and your husband put heads together and leave the house TOGETHER before they succeed in poisoning his mind against you. Don't allow an unhappy woman ruin your marriage.
Treat them with respect but stand your ground.
Get an apartment with your hubby, no matter how small. See finish syndrome is very bad
ReplyDeleteQuoting you: "The only thing MIL did for me was to carry my baby,bath him and prepare amala for me in the afternoon"
ReplyDeleteNne, you don't sound like a grateful person to me. What do you mean by "the only thing?"
Why couldn't you appreciate this woman and woe her to do more for you if you needed her to?
And your SIL was pregnant and helping her became a big deal for you when you expected her and MIL to
do same for you in your own time? Are you kidding me?
A lot of my Naija Sisis brand MIL senior winch and SILs junior winches even before they get to meet them.
If you have ever stayed outside Nigeria, you will know that these extended family system we take for granted
here is a luxury.
When I gave birth to one of my kids over there, I did everything by myself. It was only in the hospital that
the nurses helped me to bath her. I bathed her, cooked, shopped, went for her passport etc. (DH could not travel with me and I did not really plan to
deliver there). I began to appreciate both my MIL and aunt who usually did these things in Nigeria for me.
Please, I know that some in-laws are impossible but learn to appreciate people and you may be surprised that they will open up and
extend their loving hands and hearts.
Let me drop my yarns mic. here o. 🎤🎤🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
And woe [sic.] her
DeleteNne, why not WOO her inugo?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
God bless you my sister. A lot of Nigerian women take extended family for granted. When I gave birth to my 2 kids via CS, I did everything myself. I bathe, fed, washed and even cooked my own meals. There was no omugwo as my both my mom and mil are late. Nobody, came to help me do anything.
DeleteWhy on earth is your hubby still living in his family's house ? it's all shades of wrong.
ReplyDeleteTalk to your husband so he can get an apartment no matter how small,peace of mind is the most important thing right now
ReplyDeleteIf anything, i thank God for not bowing to the pressure of getting married to an ex who insisted on living in his father's house even though his dad was late & mother aged. Something none of my aunties did. . It never ends well. You're in their territory & parents will always support their own. Meanwhile, do you not have a job/business?
ReplyDeleteMadam, your mental health is being tampered with here, if you don't take a decisive action now, you'll be there till you birth another child & another.. God help you!
No they are not wrong....you and your hubby are.
ReplyDeleteIs he jobless? With all stories you have heard,you got married and agreed to live with inlaws........see finish.
Go to your parents and tell hubby to call when he has rented an apartment.
You and your hubby should try and move out of the family house simple.
ReplyDeleteGo to your father house and chill 1st...
ReplyDeleteYou are somebody daughter aside being a wife.
Go home and recuperate thereafter you and hubby should move out.
Beg your husband to go get a house of his own, don't go back to your parents house,once you are married and come back home to stay things are not always the same as before.
ReplyDeleteYou are washing ur SIL's kids clothes???? When she's not dead or indisposed???
ReplyDeleteMarried but living in a family house,doesn’t always end well,u guys should try to move out abeg
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletestop washing her childrens clothes.
ReplyDeleteEveryone in Nigeria is suffering from "Entitlement Disease" and it is killing the country. Wives/girlfriends feels entitled to get money from husband/boyfriends, MIL, FIL, BIL and SIL are entitled to their take, even deadbeat husbands feel entitled. Enough already! Marriage is a choice not a right. So also is having babies. YOU MADE THE CHOICE! If you are old enough to marry, you should at least be living in your own rented space. If you don't have enough money to rent and be on your own then you should be prepared to take the insult that comes with squatting (that's what you and your husband are doing. Not living with his parents.). You heard stories before getting married BUT you still made the choice to go along with the charade, just because you felt entitled to get married. Now you are complaining? Good luck! By the way, SIL came back with her children because she also felt entitled to free accommodation from her parents.
ReplyDeleteNote ! not an expert but
Deleteno entitlement in a wife wanting to get money from her husband as it is not entitlement from the husband to want sex from his wife. it is not an exchange but everybody has a part they are to play with mutual love and understanding if the marriage is to work
Everyone in Nigeria is suffering from "Entitlement Disease" and it is killing the country. Wives/girlfriends feels entitled to get money from husband/boyfriends, MIL, FIL, BIL and SIL are entitled to their take, even deadbeat husbands feel entitled. Enough already! Marriage is a choice not a right. So also is having babies. YOU MADE THE CHOICE! If you are old enough to marry, you should at least be living in your own rented space. If you don't have enough money to rent and be on your own then you should be prepared to take the insult that comes with squatting (that's what you and your husband are doing. Not living with his parents.). You heard stories before getting married BUT you still made the choice to go along with the charade, just because you felt entitled to get married. Now you are complaining? Good luck! By the way, SIL came back with her children because she also felt entitled to free accommodation from her parents.
ReplyDeleteMy dear run home. As long as her mum is there and supporting her in her father's house, she is your oga and if you guys don't gel give space. It would have been different if it was your hubby's house. Make use of your own father's house and have rest of mind.
ReplyDeleteTo all the ladies claiming wonder woman was it the very next day after child birth that you started doing everything yourself? From the stories I read up there you guys did those things while abroad where resources to cook are gotten with less stress, going to food stores even with leg is by entering luxury buses that will even park well, lower itself just for you to enter with your pram and you enter without breaking a sweat, shop in foodstores with ease and washing clothes is by pressing buttons how can you compare yourself with a new mum in Nigeria? If your mum or MIL was there with you would the super woman story be the same?
Poster, your situation as a young first time mum in the midst of older women, it is not entitlement mentality for you to expect to be taken care of for at least for 4 or 5 days before you start to prepare meals. If SIL is around, if she has sense she should be the one washing her kids clothes instead of you.
Ada.
Any man that cannot afford an apartment for him and his wife there is no need to get married.
ReplyDeleteMy church will never allow you to marry any lady if you do not have an apartment. Why will you marry someone's daughter and take her to your family to become your family's house help?
Poster the solution is not moving in to your parent's house. All you need is to talk to your house to pay for an apartment he can afford for now while you guys move out if his family house.His family members will never respect you as long as you people are still living in his family's house.
You need wisdom, be smart, do not fight your husband while you are trying to iron this issue. Make sure you both are outside the atmosphere of your family house before you discuss this issue with your husband.
Finally, taking this issue to your parents may not bring any good results. Take him to watch a movie at the cinema based on what you are currently going through. Do not make him understand he is weak. Goodluck
GO BACK TO YOUR FATHERS HOUSE until he’s man enough to provide a home for his family! And why were you such in a rush to marry?? My goodness Nigerian women and marriageeee. na wa oooo
ReplyDeleteDear poster, in my humble opinion, you are being unnecessarily entitled. You stated that your MIL bathed your baby and prepared amala for you at noon. Was that not a good thing?
ReplyDeleteYou never talked about your own mum in this.
When I gave birth to my first child, I went over to my parent's house to be well catered for for about 4 months. This was because my mum would have had to inconvenience herself shuttling between my house and hers everyday as she had other responsibilities.
Your MIL did all she was able to do, so you should be grateful for that.
If your SIL chooses to come to her parents house after delivery, what is that to you?
She needs support and her mum is the best support she could get.
Please let's learn to be objective and not sentimental. Always try to see reasons why people do or do not do as expected.
Also, learn to curb your expectations so that you don't get disappointed.
Love always..
Three weeks later, SIL came to visit along with her three kids, I will wash my clothes, hubby's and her childrens clothes, cook etc.I helped her cos she was pregnant then..
ReplyDeleteSome of u new mothers dey try oo..3 weeks u already washing your hubby's clothes n your sis in law's kids own as well..Believe this is your 1st issue..how do u'all manage to cope with all these hard work after labour bikonu?
Ur hubby should have done his laundry.And you sis in law her kids'..
Won't do pass myself ..walahi.never wash my clothes finish na another person own I wan wash..
No matter whose house I'm in ,no hard job for me till 6 months after delivery..what nonsense..
Your hubby should rent a house for u..that's the 1st thing u guys should have considered before delivery
Rushing to settle down without proper planning makes no sense..
Issues are bound to occur.