STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FRIENDS WHO SABOTAGE OTHER FRIENDSHIPS....
Stella help!!!
I am the kind of friend anyone would pray to have. I help my friends financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. But the issue is any friend I have always try to sabotage me from making more friends. Let me give you two scenarios out of many others.My friend, Chinwe, Whenever she sees me talking to another potential friend, she would come from nowhere and interrupt whomever it is I was talking to before she arrived.
Like! She would just jump into a different conversation with me on the spot and cut me off from replying that person.
This happens all the time. Even when I tell her to give me some minutes as she can see I am busy talking to someone, she would get upset and still make some efforts to cut short my conversation with that person. I don't know why she does this because whenever she interacts with others I don't behave the same way she does with me. We were walking to the car park when a potential friend called out to me, I waited and just as she was about to get close to me, chinwe started pulling me that we should leave. I yanked her hand off me and continued to interact with the lady but right in front of that lady she started pulling my hand to her direction while giving the lady a bad look. Hurrying me up to leave and it was so obvious that the lady noticed so I told her we were in a hurry and that's why( which wasn't true).
Whenever someone tries to become my friend she would spoil their image before me and say something negative to discourage me from being their friend. I told her I would love to be a friend to someone and the next thing she said was, "that prostitute?" I just tire Stella, because She lied. That lady in quetion was a very decent lady with a first-class degree then running her masters program like the both of us.
Even when men showed interest in me and say hello to her, she would give them an attitude and this was someone who had an enviable relationship with her man. It was obvious I could only be friends with her alone, I got tired and defriended her. I didn't bother having friends again because of that experience and started minding my business.
After I got freed from the claws of chinwe, I met a new friend, let's call her Bimpe. But the same thing played out again and it was like this new person was chinwe but in another person's body. If I am talking to someone and she comes over, she would want me to ignore that person for her and if I don't she would look bloated with a swollen face.
A lady came to sit beside me at lunchtime and this Bimpe saw us and had to remind me immediately that the professor wanted to see me. In my mind, I was like, you and I were together since and you did tell me this Nah! Yes, I know the professor asked to see me before closing hours but not like right now abeggi! I told her, thanks. but she kept on bothering me to go over there immediately despite that she saw me talking to someone. When my colleague left, this same bimpe immediately faced her front and took her focus from me.
After school, if we all are walking to the car park and I am talking with one or two other people other than her, she will say something along the line of" You are leaving me behind abi? But I am not leaving her behind we are all going home together. This is someone when talking to her other friends and I am present, she acts like I am invincible. Now, Nobody in class comes close to talk to me anymore so I asked them why and they said mother hawk would not allow it. That she gives them bad stares so they had to stay back. Mind you, these two ladies I mentioned have other friends so I don't know why they behaved like that.
My cousin came to my university and Bimpe thinks she is my new friend and has been saying negative things about my cousin to make me avoid her and cling to just her. It's like they don't want me to have other friends while I am not their only friend.
Please why do I have friends like these and How can I make as many friends as I want without my current friend sabotaging it? Thanks.
*This is serious!!! Why would you not want your friend to have a friend?Or are you babes 'doing' each other?
I dont know any way out of this except dumping thiese kinds of friends and facing the reason you are in school....
do your friends dont have man in their life?..or both of you are into female thing? sometimes they dont want to share the benefit, they are getting from you.....
ReplyDeleteShe said the friends has a boyfriend. If they were lesbians she would know where the problem came from. So that lesbian question is out of the equation.
DeletePoster your friends are gaining something from you which they don't want others to gain. Do you give them money, advice or help them with their projects. Because I had a friend like yours who was like a pest. I stopped doing everything that made her like me and the clinginess stopped.
So check yourself there is something you are doing that keeps them acting like this with only you.
Sounds like a lesbian to me...Cut off from her and where do you meet them too
DeletePlease Phoenix I am not a lesbian. I am sold out to Christ completely. We are just friends at the university and she has a boyfriend.
DeleteThanks anyway.
Having a boyfriend means NOTHING!! Didn't you read about Phillip Schofield, from the TV show, "The Cube" coming out as GAY...even after 27 years of marriage to a woman and 2 adult children?!!! Not even as bi-s3xual, but full on gay. SMH
DeleteMy dear you are giving them gifts or there is something they are benefiting from you, or maybe they may think you're fragile and they are trying to protect you but they are overdoing it.
DeleteAnon 17:21 calm down and stop shouting the first anon asked if the poster's friends has a boyfriend and she replied hianest!!! What's up with everyone and Philip schofield make we rest biko
DeleteThey are not your friends. Frenrmies sef will be putting it lightly there’s something special about you that attracts and prolly your gentleness makes them want to take advantage of you including wanting to collect your friends and prevent you from making new ones . they want to be you by all means.
DeleteAnd once a pattern develops others will follow suit hence why it seems all friends behave this way, cut them off and don’t look back . Such people can poison you or cause severe damage just to see you sad, in their mind they be thinking that they have dulled your shine
17:40 they are protecting their own interest,they think others are coming to reduce the portion they get from her or take their position,such persons ain't called friends.they are the enemy within just the way they badmouth others to you is the same way they bad mouth you to others.i have seen this play alot.
Deleteyour friends are selfish, beware of that kind of friends and focus on your purpose..........
ReplyDeleteJust take Stella's advice.
DeleteAunty you are attracting clingy and needy people
DeleteWho you fix and give all
Unfortunately they keep taking and taking
When you are tired
For once in your life
You will actually acquire real friends who can pull their own weight in the friendship.and not be perpetual projects you acquire
Are you sure you people are not lesbians
ReplyDelete@Poster hope you guys ain't involved intimately, this can only happen when your girl friend might likely be a potential lesbian.
ReplyDeleteKeep away from such manipulating people.
Chinwe and Bimpe, are not your friends o. I had a “friend” like this once and I’m so glad the friendship ended because she was literally sucking life out of me with her neediness. She is straight like I am mind you and at the beginning of our friendship I enjoyed the whole “clinginess” thing but it became one sided.
ReplyDeleteI found myself always trying to please her and do things she wanted even when I didn’t like it, so the minute I got the chance I took it and I un-friended her. You should do the same and perhaps you also need to let your friends know that you need to mingle and network to progress in life.
When they pull you both physically or by trying to manipulate you, tell them you came to this world alone. Refuse to be used as a dumping ground for their emotional issues. People like them will want to unburden every issue they have while you are left hanging to bear yours alone. Friendship is a two way thing and once it starts feeling like someone is getting choked, it’s time to re-evaluate the friendship and step away if both parties can’t have mutual benefit. Friendship not prison.
You are too meek for your own good. Are you clingy cos you definitely attract controlling friends. Such sidekick behavior.
ReplyDeleteIt seems the friends are the clingy ones here while she is trying to break free from their claws. I may be wrong but from what I read it's like that nit the other way round.
DeleteNahh, she's asking how she can make more friends.. plus,they act like she's invisible when they are with their other friends..she's the clingy and meek.
DeletePoster, you are attracting people who feed off your need to be needed. Look back. How did you and these women first become friends? I suspect there are similarities that you noticed but ignored. You need to focus on you for a while and forget making friends. What are you doing for them that you are missing or longing for? Why can't you walk away as soon as you see the problem or even speak up when they start playing Voltron? If you don't pause, you will continue getting such friends. Befriend yourself sharperly
DeletePoster, Learn to stay on your own!!!
ReplyDeleteSince you have tried to be nice and friendly, it's not working, give them some space.
Such friends are actually enemies. They'd never want you to go higher in life. What's with all the jealousy? Be sure you won't have a stable relationship/marriage with such friends. They always find fault in people. Say all manner of lies just to keep them you away from them.
They are capable of harming/killing.
You don't need such friends, you will be fine on your own.
I have been on my own in years and I have no regrets. Cut them off!!!
Where have you been??
DeleteSo basically, any friend you have hardly want you to become friends with others except them. What is so special about you, that they don't want others close to you except themselves. If it happened once I would say maybe it's your imagination but it keeps happening with whoever get close to you. 🤔 maybe you are a rare breed hence they become scared when anyone tries to get close to you thinking they may lose your friendship to that person🤷♀️
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeleteThey don't want you to pay attention or benefit other people apart from them.. Selfishness!
ReplyDeleteExactly; she says she helps them financially immediately I saw that I just shake my head. You think they would want to share their "bank account" with others?
DeleteI Saw that too
Delete@ Bank account🤣🤣🤣😂
DeleteStella I don't think they are doing each other else she would know that is where the problem is coming from. Some friends are like that Very clingy. Some would not even allow you be friends with their separate friends they will go about saying you want to snatch their friend. Poster why don't you ask your friend why they are behaving like that and why is this a pattern for you Why are your friends so possessive? Now I am starting to believe your first paragraph. You must be a very good friend and they are scared to lose you they want you for themselves alone I think.
ReplyDeleteNa empathy she be
DeleteDisfriend her na, is it that difficult?
ReplyDeleteChinwe is sick in the head
ReplyDeleteBimpe is loco.
Oya come let me be your friend
There are people who we meet on the path of life, not to journey together, but to greet each other and keep going.
ReplyDeleteI had a friend too, who I had to unfriend. She wasn't a possessive friend but was always calling to find out what I was doing, what my next step was. I used to tell her, after all we were friends, until I noticed that this girl knew almost everything about me, yet when I ask her just a casual question, she avoids it or changes the subject. And then came the calls from outsiders telling me, "I heard you're doing this. Can you put me through?". Not like I didn't like to help, but there are things one wishes to keep private until the manifestation.
Or I would tell her of my plans to meet someone for something, only for me to get there and realize she had been there just before me and had received what I planned to receive.
This girl never asked questions directly o, but very stylishly, in a roundabout way and before you know it you've spilled what you didn't want to, and this to me felt like manipulation.
I prayed about the friendship and didn't have peace. I prayerfully ended it and distanced myself from her. She noticed that I wasn't confiding in her as usual and would call severally, wanting to find out what was going on with me, not knowing I had received sense to bridle my tongue. I stopped picking her calls, preferring to text back and whenever I did pick, I would only talk about surface things and current events.
What's the moral lesson? Not everyone is meant to be your friends. Most people are selfish and only want what they can get from you. Pray for wisdom to do what you ought to and for God to reveal the true heart of people to you. If your spirit is not at rest with a person's actions, stay away from them. Refuse to meet up with them. I believe very strongly that the instincts of a believer is the Holy Spirit speaking to them, because their mind is subject to His leading and is being led by Him.
Your friend na radio lagos? She was silently competing with you. Thank God I don't bother myself with friends.
DeleteNa was o,poster,are u a baby or a lesbi.ur chronicle is just like a baby telling her mum,,,,,"mummy see wht this girl is doing to me yen yen.my friend. grow up abeg,if ur nt a lesbian u have every right to tell ur friend to her face that,u don't like such attitude. Can u Emma jeans.
ReplyDeleteThere is something ur nt telling us,cos those ur friends are acting jealous
ReplyDeleteRead her first paragraph her answer lies there. "FINANCIALY, SPIRITUALLY, ETC. From the way she writes you can tell she is quite sheltered and buttered. So they are gaining from her wella so that is why they don't want to share her friendship with another.
DeleteAn ajebutter pikin. She seems kind too. Poster kind people get used in friendship so be wise. Having friends may not be the right thing for you because you are too soft. Stop being her friend and the next friend you have don't give them anything be it material or emotional support. Treat them the way they treat you and you will be fine.
DeleteWhat kind of them say them say chronicle is this one🎃
ReplyDeleteSounds very familiar but these two ladies I know were dating so poster tell us the truth! Lesbians is overtly possessive and jealous
ReplyDeleteMaybe they are getting something from you, they don't want others to be part of it.
ReplyDeleteAre you thier potential mugu or what ?
Lol..simple..she's their maga.
Delete👍you are smart!
DeleteWatch out for the kind of friends you make, get to know them well before you bring them close and call them friends. Some people are meant to just be acquaintances but we turn them to friends.
ReplyDeleteAlso, mind what you tell your friends, mind how you appreciate them and how we you let them in. It might be the hand you gave them that made them feel they can override you like that. Learn them first before letting them in. You don't just see someone and befriend them just cos you like them. Take your time and know someone before rushing to call them friends.
Also try and set boundaries, tell them that you don't like what they are doing and see if they'd change. If they don't, my dear put them aside and face what brought you there.
Maybe they are benefiting financial or material gains from you and feel threatened by other friends around,they don't want to share
ReplyDeletewhatever it is,they are gaining from you.You need to avoid people like this totally. Unfriend Bimpe if need be cos her jealousy will extend to your relationship (marriage) and every other achievement in life. I don't think you need to do anything special to attract friends that are not like Chinwe and Bimpe,Just continue to be yourself.
The problem is with you and not them.
ReplyDeleteYou are attracted to the same kind of people, breaking the pattern lies in your hand.
Make a list of your values, cross check them with your friends' and you'd see.
Poster these babes are not ur friends..they r just around u for what they can get from u honestly..they sabotaging others cos of benefits they r both getting from u and don't want another to join
ReplyDeleteSet a trap for them,any time they ask for anything, decline! by so doing u will know their intentions,they r envious and never wanted d best for u..cut them off! Stop disclosing any important Info's to them again,like family,relationship and job related stuffs,finances and so on
All d best
Avoid them and be free to make friends. Reduce your commitment towards them and tell them off when they start acting.
ReplyDeleteThey want your real friends, they are hanging around you for the benefits and things you give them, cut off the finances and other stuff n watch them avoid u, they simply dont want another to get what they are getting make their share no small.
ReplyDeleteN its seems you are easy to control, who would have a pet they can control?😁😁
This ya chronicle reminded me of toh🤐🤐🤐 chopper. Where is LEP
ReplyDeleteit has been long.
Make I no ask you ajuju n'ese okwu o 🤐🤐🤐
Are you... 🤐🤐🤐???
If not, cut off
Proverbs 18:24 A person of many companions may come to ruin
but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.
Ask God to give you a friend, just one friend that sticks closer
than a sister inugo? 😊😊😊
I am not a lesbian so Ang back off please. If it will make you happy I am a primary virgin okay, happy now? Thanks for your last paragraph though.
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteHaba poster carry sofly na. Persin no dey ask ajuju again.
I no intend any esemokwu o.
But remember that these ladies may be toh🤐🤐 choppers o
Me sef don experience their approach before.
Okay make I back off 🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️🏃🏻♀️
Thanks for your last sentence. 😘😘😘😘
Poster I already knew you were a virgin,naive and a giver, because I see myself in you, I had one friend that kept telling me sorrowful stories, I would give her money and shop for her anytime any of those stories came up, and the stories never stopped coming until I collect half a million from my husband to set her up but God saved me and I was able to retrieve my property from her, inshort na long story, if you check well, you wouldn't even know how you guys became friends because they saw your potentials and schemed their way through, I just thank God I never brought that lady close to my hubby.
DeleteRight now I am so done with friends, someone I considered my best friend connected me with her friend last year, the first day I saw the guy I felt we both aren't so tall and I shouldn't go ahead with the relationship, I opened up to her about my worries, she told me that I should get to know the guy, that he is a nice person, I listened and fell in love with this guy, could you believe that this my gf went and told the guy some of the things I told her in confident including the height issue, even added the ones I didn't say, that's how the guy woke up one monrning and said he isn't interested again. I was so confused cos I didn't even know what I did wrong, I kept asking him yet he won't say anything. I went to tell my supposed friend, this girl was busy doing as if she was helping me to talk to the guy whereas she was the one who told the guy things I never even imagined saying and made the guy walk away. It was later the guys friend whom I reached out to called him and he opened up on what the girl told him. I was hurt cos this guy couldn't even confront me but just believed the girl. I confronted the girl and she kept saying she couldn't remember when I said someone of those things but that she knows that I passively said it. Whenever I see that girl now, I see the face of a betrayer, someone I took as my sister yet she stabbed me. Girls arent worth having as friends sometimes. Her annoyance was that the guy gave me money and I didn't share with her. Everyday I pray to God to help me forgive this girl cos the kind of love I had for her all turned to hate. I pray I will wake up one day and not feel hurt anytime I remember her.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry. God will give you your own man soonest.
DeleteSorry about this .
DeleteLet go of the hurt for the sake of your own peace .
God would give you a REAL MAN .
Just please let it out of you. I’ve been betrayed before as well. Infact it made me loose my unborn 6 months child. A stupid friendship with an old friend who is a man almost 50 o. It’s not by gender- just always suspect people who spoil others for no reason just to discourage you from closeness to them.
DeletePoster, go for friends who are as invested in you as you are in them.
ReplyDeleteThose two ladies aren't your friends. They are in it for what they get from you.
Learn to openly rebuke them when they try to distract your attention from another friend.
Tell them you would meet up later.
My friends and I are alike. They know I don't suffer fools gladly.
Two of my friends that met through me complained about each other to me. I advised them to part ways. I'm still friends with both of them but we don't discuss the other when I am with one. They both live in the same country and I spend time with each when I visit. I met one over 20 years ago and the other over 15 years ago.
My parents are friends with the parents of both ladies through our friendship.
Don't be a pushover.
Very sound advice.
DeletePoster read this .
Poster please evaluate yourself. How do you present yourself to these ‘friends’ of yours and what do you tell them about yourself? Obviously they are using something you are against you and since you keep letting them, they keep treating you like you should be controlled.
ReplyDeleteYes, they downright controlled you.
You seem like a nice person, so take care of yourself.
Dump your friends and start over again if you wish to still make new friends.
Take care.
Thank u. I think the poster has the problem. From ur post I seem to have an inflated feeling of self worth. Be introspective and evaluate ur self. Therein lies the problem
DeletePoster, please come and be my friend. I really need new friends...even if it's online, and I'm not clingy.
ReplyDeleteThey probably don't want anyone else gaining what they gain from you.
ReplyDeleteMost importantly those 2 aint your friends they are frenwmies please
unfriend them asap and try as much as possible to have many friends instead of having one and then having that one cling to you like their lives depend on it
Better still stay on your own and if you must have a friend follow your a cousin who you mentioned is in your school now
I pray God gives you wisdom to weather the storm
Maybe u have a problem. Why else would u keep attracting such friends????
ReplyDeleteShe is probably an empath. Users and clingy and needy people can sniff them from afar. She need to bring forth her mean streak else they will keep attaching to her.
DeleteM ay be because you have a car, I remember those days in school, people like to befriend those with cars and money so they can take them everywhere and have that high status in school. That might be the reason why those ladies don't want rivals so they can enjoy alone.
ReplyDeleteYou better don't allow your Friends control you, control who you make friends with. Have you ever given any of your friends a taste of what they have been serving you with that you I'll see their reaction. Try one day to embarrass them Infront of your other friends. Like when Bimpe tells you the professor want to see you now just tell her I have spoken to him and we have agreed to meet later in day or can't you see that I am having an important discussion you can do and see the professor. Disgracing her make teach her small lessons.
ReplyDeleteYou can also end the friendship with your friends and look for make friends.
If you don't build your self confidence and stop the need to carry emotionally damaged people/ users into your life while buying their love and trying to fix them
DeleteIf you enter the hand of the chief manipulator of them all NARCISSIST as husband
Such a creature will ruin your chances of emotional balance and happiness
Work on your self esteem ,find out why and stop needing to fix people to make up for whatever deep issues you haven't confronted yet
There is nothing normal about attracting users
Understand you are are worthy of emotionally healthy and normal reciprocal friendships and relationships
If you don't build your self confidence and stop the need to carry emotionally damaged people/ users into your life while buying their love and trying to fix them
DeleteIf you enter the hand of the chief manipulator of them all NARCISSIST as husband
Such a creature will ruin your chances of emotional balance and happiness
Work on your self esteem ,find out why and stop needing to fix people to make up for whatever deep issues you haven't confronted yet
There is nothing normal about attracting users
Understand you are are worthy of emotionally healthy and normal reciprocal friendships and relationships
Take ✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️ cut the cord. Friendships are not supposed to stress you out.
ReplyDeleteThanks Everyone. Now I know what Ihave been doing wrong, I will adjust.
ReplyDeleteThe First Lady's behavior towards me must have been because I was there for her the little way I could at the time. I paid her tuition fee for a semester and also bought her clothes and provisions because she is from a poor home. I am not stupid I am a Christian and I believe in giving as long as it doesn't take anything from me. She had no place to sleep so since I had an extra room, I let her squat with me. I also bought her textbooks and notebooks for a few courses back then. I am nice but when I move on I don't look back. I stopped talking to her when I told her that I was broke and I couldn't buy her textbooks for all the courses we both take and we would have to share one textbook for a particular course after all we both attended that same class and we would sit besides each other, the next thing, she ignored me and kept malice with me. So many things she did that I can't write that it was obvious she was no longer appreciative but entitled. So I told her I was done.
The second lady comes to me for advice and tells me about her family issues which I don't tell anyone. She sees me as a confident and someone she could rely on. There was a day she was hit by a car and couldn't walk home. She called me and instantly I left everything I was doing to be by her side. If it was my sister won't I leave everything at the drop of a hat and go console her? I met her in tears, that was when she told me her other friends she called only said sorry and disconnected the phone. I took her home and made her tea then went back home. Since then I noticed she calls me to tell me everything about her life's problem, her family issues even when she has minor issues with her neighbours that doesn't need my attention I became the first person she would call and I am an empath. But with time it became tiring for me coupled with how she sabotaged my other potential friendships I started avoiding her. She has called me repeatedly it I haven't picked and I am done with her.
Thanks all and God bless you.
I have a friend like that,she is a very nice but insecure person.All you need to do is set boundaries,she will adjust and if she doesn't,delete her from your life.Your friend is just a selfish and spoiled brat.
ReplyDeleteSweet dreams and memories
ReplyDeleteWho am I to disagree
I traveled the world and the seven seas
Everybody is looking for something
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to be used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused by you.
#band#police#thegreat80's#
Those girls are not your friends if you check their hearts they just want to be you by all means. Their envy is in another level. They can even kill you if care isn’t taken because of their possessive and controlling attitude. Any good thing trying to come your way and not their way they spoil it. Pls stop being too nice lovely caring because it seem like it’s hitting the wrong botton in them. I had one like this I have never seen such before. I banned calls blocked infact there’s nothing I didn’t do it didn’t work she fought every single friend I had to the extent that I became friendless to even enter a new friendship became a night mare. Those girls have lesbian tendency too it’s because you haven’t opened up as one the moment you do so snap you’re their lesbian partner because to be honest they fell in love with you like they fell in love with a man for the benefits only and not for friendship anymore that’s why being a lesbian is just hectic something inside of you to differentiate wether it’s a guy or a girl isn’t there anymore they fall in love with both or they hate men and fall in love with their fellow women. Pls pray before entering any friendship and pray your way out of this present one you’re in. You too work on your self cus you may be possessive as they are without even knowing it. Once you see your friends having another friend and something inside of you isn’t right then you need to work on yourself to stop attracting such people. Or else life will just keep bringing time wasters and those frustrating your life over and over and over again . Stella pls post pls
ReplyDeleteGet this perspective from a guy.
ReplyDeletePoster, be very careful of these people.
When you hear of friend poisoning a friends food or water, this is how it starts..
Be guided
The same kind of friend candy is to bethel.I pray bethel have sense enough to aviod that snake girl candy.
ReplyDelete