STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BOYFRIEND ISH
Hello FAM, I got a lil ish.
My Boyfriend smokes and drinks a lot. It has become a hobby to him. I no longer find it funny because whenever we kiss, I always feel the stench of smoke in his mouth and its irritating.
He takes all kinds of hard drugs you can ever think of and he drinks anything alcohol. All these he does on a daily basis. His friends are not left out. They all drink and smoke. After the close of work, he won't come home straight. He will go a bar with his friends to drink and smoke before heading home.
During the weekend, like Friday night, he is always in the club or bar drinking and smoking. I have begged him to stop but he said he will stop when we get married that the reason he takes them is to clear his head and he is always feels happy and relieved after taking them.
Though he has some family ish, but even at that.... I am worried about his health. He is just 31 and already looking older. We've been dating for six months now but I'm falling out of love already. I don't feel a thing for him anymore when we kiss and make out cos he is always smelling of smoke. I don't think I can continue with this anymore cos I'm fed up.
The last time I tried breaking up, he cried and begged and even promised to stop. But it even got worse. How do I help him stop all these? Aside drinking and smoking, he is actually a nice guy, but I'm scared of his health.
If you want to help him,please do so as a friend but DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN because he will not change and this will be the birth of chronicle writing for you.....The flag is so red,run now!!!
What do you mean nice guy? Cos in Nigerian relationships these days nice = he gives me money.
ReplyDeleteIs that the only NICE meaning you know? Entitlement Syndrome babe @ anon 15:01
DeleteYou know na. So no need asking
DeleteAnon 15:01, shut your trap if you have nothing reasonable to say. Your definition is clueless. You need to change your circle and spec.
DeleteAunty be going, you are actually on aloooonnngg thing...you can't change a man, how many times do we have to say it here bikonu?
DeleteModella, why the anger? The comment really pinch you.
DeleteI'm not 15;01 but damn you all need some comprehension classes real fast. He/she isn't defining what "nice guy" is; rather the assumption.
DeletePoster,
DeleteMy hubby smokes. I met him a smoker.
He promised to stop.
9 years down the line, he still smokes.
Don't deceive yourself.
He will never quit for you.
Whenever he does, it will be because he really really wants to, which can only happen by the grace of God
Let him cry all he wants but you see the person you just described up there is totally irresponsible and will only get worse after marriage. This is the time for you to run and get yourself a decent man. You will be miserable in marriage if you marry me I can guarantee you. Only he smokes, drinks, always clubbing?? Ok oh, I have said my piece.
DeleteExcessive drinking and smoking affects men's fertility.
Hard drugs? He must be rich to be able to afford them. The only thing is that he must deed his habits before anything else and if for any reason he goes through a period of being broke, na him type go sell every every just to buy the coke and what not
DeleteWhen we say find Christ and every other thing will be added to you, you will say go to club and spend all night. You will be found and find those who frequent where you frequent.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are in for this for the rest of your life. make a choice. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Don't IGNORE Stella's red ink:
ReplyDeleteIf you want to help him,please do so as a friend but DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN because he will not change and this will be the birth of chronicle writing for you.....The flag is so red,run now!!! So put your two legs on your head and do Ben Johnson plus Usian Bolt join. No looking back like Lot's Wife mbok
He's addicted, if u can manage, marry him, if you cant, door is open.
ReplyDeleteHe cant change on a whim, Lai lai.
How can you comfortably speak for another human? Every can change!
DeleteNo he can’t change. God doesn’t force pple to change, that’s y he gave us d power of choice. Don’t marry this guy thinking he will change cos he won’t.
DeleteYou are human you write people off God doesn't write people off!
DeleteHe won't change that is just the bitter truth.
DeleteAwon set anonymous, Check the expression "on a whim".
DeleteWhen I met my ex, he smokes and drinks. I hated the smell of cigarette on his breath and told him so plus he is asthmatic. He stopped smoking immediately because he didn't want to lose me. We didn't get married because of family ish. As for drinking and clubbing I enjoyed while we were dating but when it was time to get married. I gave myself sense as I wont be able to cope with the clubbing ish when kids arrive. I settled for a more responsible man who never smoked and barely drinks and gets home immediately after work. We go clubbing once in a while.
DeletePoster if his smoking and drinking is a deal breaker for you, please go because he won't change after marriage.
ReplyDeleteSo when you get married, his head will no longer need clearing? 😮😮
ReplyDeleteWhich kind of marriage does that miracle? Wow, I would like to know the marriage that takes all drugs and weeds craving away.
The marriage covenant I know that takes drugs and other craving away is the one a person has with Christ. Or is he talking about that one?
Nobody is with you on this journey and you alone can make this decision to be or not to be.
If he does not change now that the stakes are high (your marrying him or not), he won't change in marriage.
Bitter truth but reality.
One word for you - RUN!
ReplyDeleteLet me take space here. Poster small girl like you want to start what you won't finish shebi?
DeleteYou call all you listed a 'lil ish?'
You are not yet married to him, only dated for 6 months and you are already this stressed.
Is your middle name 'Jesus saviour of the world'?
If you know what's good for you, better zoom out of that guy's life.
You see fire burning in broad daylight and still want to dip your fingers, issokay.
Lol the way she said small ish made me laugh actually. This is not a small ish dear poster.
DeleteHehehehehe! See ehn,if you love yourself and your life,remove your shoes,hold them in your hands and ruuuuun faaaaar away from this guy! Don't look back o!
ReplyDeleteDon't even consider his cries/pleas because its just to blackmail you emotionally!
This guy will NEVER change!
Na wa oooh!!!
ReplyDeleteYou can't change a human except the person wants to..
If he's always crying when you want to break up with him, why not try another method? Simply detach from him🤷🤷
Reduce your calls to him, avoid going to his house or taking his calls as you used to and slowly let the relationship die a natural death!!
DO NOT give him an ultimatum because he would pretend and unleash when he gets you back!! Good luck
He is an addict
DeleteEmotionally manipulative
Aunty go and never look back
Pray for him to change, that's what your mates will tell you here :-(
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣 and amount his mouth with coconut oyel.
DeleteLol. Nah AQ its when they are married they say”at this point all you can do is pray for him to change”😄
DeleteThe ish here is if you can't deal with all these ish he is going through just back out bcos if you end up marrying him he might only change this ish for a period of time and use any ish you guys have to return back to his every day life ish. You can still help him as a friend.
ReplyDeletewhat the ISH is your freaking problem??
DeleteLmao😂😂😂😂😂😂 @Anony 15:52
DeleteAswear this your reply is troubISH.
He's not going to change anytime soon. That's a fact.
ReplyDeleteMove on quickly.
Poster, you see Don’s advice?? He will crucify if you marry and send another chronicle.
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteYou can never stop a heavy smoker / drinker except the choose to do so.
He is time bomb waiting to explode, don't marry him until he genuinely stop this bad habit of his.
Good luck.
Women with their"saviour" mentality. He's a chronic smoker & people like him never change except by divine intervention or personal conviction.
ReplyDeleteHe'll stop when you both get married? I laugh in stopping language.. you know you should walk away but "he's actually nice guy" is what you're looking at.. i pity you sis. Wait till he starts abusing drugs.. will you say you dunno the health implications of excessive drinking & smoking?
No dey carry load wey no be your own. It's not your job to change any adult.!
You laugh in stopping language.
DeleteYou people won't kill me on this blog. Lol
No one can change a man or woman except he or she willingly changes.
ReplyDeleteHe takes ALL kinds or hard drugs you can think of? Can you just leave him alone and waka front? These substances tamper with the reasoning! Don’t you know he can misbehave e.g hit you and blame it on the alcohol/drugs? People do worse with their senses intact, how much more? Also you don’t want someone who is dependent on a stimulant for mental/psychological balance, trust me, you need a man with a strong character as a husband. Please you can do better.
ReplyDeleteSince he's not been hitting her, he won't do that because of smokes nd drink but it's just not good, that's all.
DeleteDon't paint him that bad.
Okay oo, if you say so @Don.
DeleteWhy did you get into a relationship with him in the first place?
ReplyDeletebabe say Baba nice.
DeleteLol
DeleteBaby girl, run away now that you can.
ReplyDeleteHe would take you for a foolish person if you wait for marriage to see him change. That statement he made is so ridiculous.
Forget all the tears guy man will so manipulate and abuse you in the future.
You will not be able to separate him from his friends and bad habits if you get married to him.
My Dad would say to each of his children getting married "what you know you can't take in the night do not take it in the morning".
Don't run a mumu-race.
Hes actually a nice guy,but...
ReplyDeleteHes a good guy, but...
I hear this alot on this blog.. someone is good/nice doesnt mean you're compatible or you should be together.
lolz poster u either run or follow him and smoke. reading this brought back memory of my ex. maybe is same guy i dnt know. now in PH. he smoke alot and drink. i thought i would be able to get him off. the worst is, if u try to stop them in public, they can beat u up. he stopped at a time and started again. my dear i had no choice but to join him smoking it. we smoke and have sex and also drink till we broke up.
ReplyDeleteeither u join him or u leave him, only GOD can stop him from that deadly habit. sending u love and light.
SEXYHIPS.
Because guy smokes doesn't mean he's going to be violent .
DeleteAwwww it's a habit for him already and one thing about this kind of people is that they have the best heart (speaking from experience) they can put their life on the line for you. Poster my sincere prayer for you is May God Almighty touch him for a total turn around Amen.
ReplyDeleteSpot on. I smoked HEAVILY for 13 years prior to marriage. Then for 5 more years in marriage. By God's grace, I've been sober for 10 years now.
DeleteMy dear run for your life, it would only get worse after marriage. Break up with him in a public place when he is not hight before he would beat you up abeg. One day he would be arrested this one he is also taking illegal subtances
ReplyDeleteYou people should not make the guy look like a a devil or an a violent person, those don't drink or smoke can as be be a bad person, smoking or drinking doesn't makes one a bad or violent person
DeletePeople do this thing for different reasons and doesn't make the less human.
There are so many guys out there that don't drink but they abuse their girlfriends and spouses both physically and emotionally.
It's not about sinking or drinking.
See has most of you are portraying he guy like a potential killer, just because of his lifestyles. Enough.
He may not be a bad person. Poster already said he is a nice guy. Dude has real life problems and it's left for the poster to weigh her options. Poster pls if you can't take the heat, leave the kitchen
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing with a guy who in your words "takes all kinds of hard drugs you can ever imagine". The smoking is one problem. Excessive drinking is another. Hard drugs kwa?
ReplyDeleteYou're opening your eyes to date someone who does hard drugs? You mean you've already whittled six months of your life on this DOA relationship? Six months, as in half a year! Why, please? Is your self-esteem so low that you think no other man will find you desirable? Or is this he giving you money that has blinded you? Or they're beating drum in your village and calling your name around a fire?
I advices her to leave the guy since she's doesn't like his habit but that does not mean other girls will not go out with him.
DeleteSo far he's not a violent man, there's a woman for every man.
Na smoke he smoke, e no kill person.
Poster, I once got the best relationship advice from an old seemingly happy married male smoker I met. He said that there's nothing like stopping a bad habit once you're married. Marriage is see you finish meaning that you saw it and either loved it or felt you could manage or adapt to the life. He said if his wife had insisted he stopped smoking while they were dating he would have stopped it because he really loved her. As you're bearing with his excesses be ready to be responsible for him for the rest of your life. And just so you know he's opening himself to a slow painful death that is liver cancer, kidney failure and mental disorder which will be transferred to your future kids.
ReplyDeleteIt's going to be painful but insist that he either stops smoking or you walk. It's not going to be easy for him either since its an addiction and he'd always succumb to peer pressure so be ready to walk with him through the process during which he'll suffer aggression, nervous breakdown and change/loss of friends and this will take quite a long period of time but if he succeeds and still has eyes for you, my dear he'll never let go of you and forever be thankful to you for saving his life.
Ooowww and if after insisting he refuses to quit, my dear walk away. It will hurt but you will get over it eventually.
Poster you are living with this guy. Sorry for you
ReplyDeleteYes, they together already. lol.
DeletePoster,borrow Johnny walkers shoes and keep it moving .This relationship is DOA,and there's nothing you can do to salvage it. You're not the one to change him or convert him that's the work of the holy spirit. So,call it off now and save yourself future chronicles.
ReplyDeleteWhy u wan do urself? All his addictions are destructive to him & people around him. Na u know o, let him continue to put you under emotional blackmail. Do not think you have super powers to change him o but you can encourage him to go to rehab and move on with your life. His addictions destroys finances and life, you better sit & think things through.
ReplyDeleteAnd he is surrounded by useless friends
DeleteI like him..
ReplyDeletePlease give Stella his number for me
I pray that you will be wise enough to break up now with him rather than after marriage, cos you will definitely break up, weather now or later
ReplyDeleteSmoking + drinking + clubbing = X. I'm sure you can do the math
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that he will never stop this lifestyle after marriage. So if you can stand it, its better you quit. Also he should know that his liver,heart and kidney ain't getting healthy with this his chosen lifestyle. He won't stop immediately,thats the truth but since this is the only problem with him, and knowing that u can't find a perfect human being, he can improve by
ReplyDeleteA) personal decision.
Once he makes up his mind to work on himself,it is the best n first step to take.
B) Reducing the quantity.
This is because he would stop at once. It should be gradual.
C) Change his cycle of friends or rather try not to be hanging out with those friends that he is into the lifestyle already with. They will influence him over time
4) Be praying for him.
There is nothing God cannot do.
5) seek for therapy.
There are expects who will help and guide him through the lifestyle changing journey. You can enquire in general hospitals.
Count down to the bomb exploding
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, you can't make an adult quit these highly addictive and destructive habits. Even with a psychotherapist, only patients with the strongest of wills and intense desire to quit may become success stories. Unfortunately, some still end up relapsing. You may be the inspiration a man who truly loves you needs to quit, you may be the support he needs but ultimately, he alone must desire to quit.
ReplyDeleteAny habit you tolerate during courtship, will only get worse after marriage. Darling, please perish the slightest inclination of believing that he will change after he marries you. After he has you locked down, complacency sets in, because whatever fear of losing you, if ever such a fear existed, will diminish significantly. Contrary to popular belief, divorce is not as easy as walking away from a bad situation. The best time to "abandon ship" is before you ever get entwined in matrimony.
Darling, I'm afraid there's nothing to salvage here. You are way too young to be saddled with such encumbrances all in the name of dating. If the fear of losing you now is not motivation enough for him to change, you shouldn't feel any guilt in ending things. A little heart broken, perhaps, but you'll get over it soon enough.
He drinks, not even a particular brand of liquor but anything alcoholic, he smokes cigarettes and all sorts of hard drugs on daily basis. Sweetie, that right there already implies that he already has some compromised brain cells which will alter his normal behavioural patterns and subdue his inhibitions. Don't get me started on the toll this will take on his vital organs. He is like a ticking time bomb, best not to be in close proximity when he explodes, more like implodes. Please leave now while you haven't invested much emotionally. You deserve to be in a more healthy relationship.
e-hugs and kisses.
I love you Ronny.
DeleteWho doesn't o. Tell me who doesn't love Ronalda? How can one person be this fulfilled in life???
DeleteYour boyfriend is a drug & alcohol addict. If he told you he would stop soon or in marriage its a big lie. You should end this relationship now. Let him sort himself out.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should watch some criminal channels and see how guys on hard drugs hack their girlfriends to death because of the influence of these drugs.Dont remove your slippers and run oo e hear keep saying he is shedding tears. Poster are his lips already black from smoking? because I heard smoking can lead to black lips. Chai! that black lips thing is a major turn off for kisses o
ReplyDeleteHe will only get worse after marriage because his head will have plenty to clear.
ReplyDeleteThis will be difficult...he is an addict...You have to take a long walk not just for you but for your sanity...
ReplyDeleteDear poster, your description of this scenario is full of pity. This guy really needs help. If his family issue pushed him to alcohol and drugs, then it becomes difficult for you to 'help' him as you desire b/c it's obvious you cannot resolve this issue in question neither are you a professional in the restoration of drug/alcohol addicts.
ReplyDeleteWhat many fail to understand is that addiction to alcohol and drugs has close link with sorrow and pain. In a bid to resolve sorrow/pain in their lives, many have been drowned in the evil of alcohol/drugs. He needs professional help so you can get in touch with professionals in this phenomenon to help him IFF he is ready to be helped.
Useful marriage relationships should not be based on PITY.
Please run as fast as possible.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin was addicted to smoking and drinking before his wedding. He tried to hide it from his fiance now wife now. Fortunately he was able to stop for a while. BUT immediately after wedding he resumed back with full force and he has even upgraded it plus he now womanise, sleeps outside.
The wife is frustrated in the marriage but what will she do when children are involve and the in laws love her.She cries almost everyday
Please run ooooo
Earth to poster!hello!!!!. you are dealing with an ADDICT,that sh*t ain't going nowhere babe.
ReplyDeleteYour man cannot change after marriage, this his attitude is follow come.
ReplyDeleteThe best way to help a person change their bad attitude is to create an atmosphere that will stimulate his thinking by an external force. Do not tell him that he has a bad attitude, you need to go out on watch movies and use the movie to speak to him. Let the movie be on those that smokes, drink, party and club all the times. Then you both can take and with that he will listen and change
He will not change after marriage. If he is promising you he will change please let him do that before you say yes.
ReplyDeleteLet him work on himself before marriage, if a man feels that alcohol, clubbing and smoking will help him solve his problems now that he is single just know it that after marriage there will be no miracle.
This is my story
ReplyDelete8 years in marriage,same old story.My dear run like Usain bolt now that it early else you cry and regret the rest of your life like I'm doing now
This guy is obviously addicted and at this rate, it could get worse.
ReplyDeleteMost times, it's difficult advising ladies when they have started collecting dick in the relationship, especially if the game is tight. Advice from now till tomorrow, they'll do what they want to do and still come back here with more Chronicles.
Poster, you know in your heart what's good for you.
How did you even fall for him since you dont like those vices? pls take a longggggggggggg walk from him. forget about the crocodile tears, he wont change.
ReplyDelete