STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED SIBLING
Good day Stella. I read your blog everyday and I must admit, you are an inspiration. Keep being you and may God bless you.
The first thing I read on your blog everyday is the chronicles. But never in my wildest dreams Did I think I would ever write one. But with things being equal, you never know what life will throw at you. Please be patient because this is quite long.
Now to my chronicle. Back in 2009/2010, I was in ss3 and I went to a private school. My school normally organizes a trip to yankari for ss3 students for a week. We go with a bus and we come back with a bus. You all know how ss3 students especially in a private schools want to compete with latest watches, clothes, fones, shoes and this includes both boys and girls. My mom gave me money to shop for clothes and my dad gave me a brand new fone. It was the latest Nokia back then and I was so excited. My elder brother then wanted to start his service and also wanted to look good in front of the other corpers, he was able to convince me to give him my brand new fone while I took a less expensive fone. He was able to get that fone because even though he is eight years older than me, he’s still the closest sibling I have.
Fast forward to three years later. I was in the university and he was working already. I was at home for the holidays and when I came back home, I checked his room. It was just out of curiosity. It wasn’t like he was living there so his things were not much. I found the fone I gave him in the cupboard close to the bed. Out of curiosity I turned it on.
Although it was blackberry that was reigning then and I had one, I also wanted to keep that Nokia as a second fone. I turned it on and went to the browser and I saw gay porn. I was so shocked and worried. I honestly could not believe my sweet brother was gay. Not that I have anything against gays but I am from the northern part of Nigeria and when I say north I mean far north. I don't normally see these kind of things around me. There has never been any sign from him. He dresses well and all and has never given himself away in any way. Hence my reaction. And I was still a bit too young to understand and so I blocked the memory from my head.
Fast forward to 2020.
My brother is 36 years old. He’s not talking about marriage. Even a girlfriend he doesn’t have. All of his friends even the irresponsible ones are married and have kids and you know how Northern men and women get married early, my brother is not thinking of such. And as a matter of fact as you are reading this, he’s on a tour to eight different countries in the Africa. Can you imagine??.
My mom has called me asking what’s wrong. If my brother is ok. If he’s into drugs or gambling. My family is a well respected family in our hometown. I know the shame of it if it gets out. But I told her that i don't think he does either and mind you, my brother has been working in ******* since 2013. So it’s not about the money. He earns enough to find a woman and settle down.
My mother is worried that he doesn’t even have a girlfriend talk more of marriage. He doesn’t even mention it at all. And to make matters worse, he’s in Lagos and has refused to visit home for two years now. I have a strong feeling he’s avoiding the marriage topic.
It was a few days ago that it hit me. My brother is gay.
all the people around him are men. All his friends are male. I doubt if he has female friends. I’m not talking about my cousins or his colleges.
I don’t know what to do BVs. Now that this heartbreaking reality has hit me, I don't know what to do. I love my brother to death and this doesn’t change anything. Pls BVs now that I know the truths even though Iv not confirmed what do I do??
1. Do I tell my mother the truth so she would stop stressing and having sleepless nights?
2. Even if I confront him and he tells me the truth, then what next? Do I advise him to get married or what? I don't even know how we are supposed to go from there honestly.
3. Do I call the remaining siblings and leave my parents out of it. Let’s sit and talk about it all together? I know everyone will be shocked.
I honestly don't know if I’m about to destroy my family or not. I can’t keep it to myself anymore.
Pls what do I do??????
*I think number two is a better Option....You have no right to spill this info to others as you do not know their reactions and might place either party in harms way....Do not discuss on phone,please meet him one on one and bring up the issue,tell him that you know and don't let him deny it if YOU ARE SURE....
Ask him the way forward....
Please note that watching it may have been out of curiosity and being single does not mean he is...After all you are single,does that mean you are a lesbo?
Hmmmmm... Bv's with the right words
ReplyDeletewill be here shortly.
How did you come to that conclusion ma?
DeleteHe just may not be mentally prepared for marriage. He will when he's ready.
Seeing gay porn doesn't mean shit! I love lesbian porn myself. Yet I don't feel attracted to a girl in real life. It just helps me understand what pleasures my fellow women more and try myself or make boo do so to me.
Don't overblow what you are not sure of. If you guys are as close as you say, then ask him.
I dont know why I found this funny 😂😂😂
DeleteA friend once told me at if curiosity he watched gay and lesbian porn but ehhhhhh this liked women for Africa.
DeleteHe may be gay,talk to him, visit him and bring our gay issues and see his reaction
I’m speechless abi typeless ... fix it Jesus 😰
DeleteMy own is don't pressurize your brother to the extent he goes to marry a woman when he isn't interested in marriage.
DeleteI don't know if he's gay but if he is such pressure will make him go marry and the poor woman will be in a marriage devoid of love and sex.
Oro ti a ni ki baba ma gbo, baba loma pa ri e. Time will tell.
DeleteLeave your brother to live his life. He is gay and he keeps fucking. I know most northerners are like that.
ReplyDeleteIf you so love him, tell him you know his secret and am sure he will let you into his world.
If you fit pray, make you pray oo but kai can't imagine man fucking man through the anus. Tufia
That place where your brother works that stella cancelled out. That his work place I have heard so many things about the men who works there and that lifestyle being part of their contract. That is if your brother is what you are suspecting him to be oo
ReplyDeletePoster mind your business. Let him tell you by himself...
DeletePlease don't tell anyone yet especially your mom, go with Stella's advice, speak to your brother first face to face.
ReplyDeleteAll the best.
Just so you know, watching gay porn doesn’t quite make one gay. For all you know he may be straight or gay or bi.
ReplyDeleteIf he is indeed gay, I doubt that anyone can do anything to change it except pray for him and let him be. Please you people should not pressure him to marry anyone’s daughter I beg you.
Since you say you’re close to him, you should have an understanding talk with him and if he is gay, it is not in your place to reveal to anyone. It is his choice/responsibility/prerogative
This reminds me of a Danielle Steel novel I just finished reading 2 days ago. A good woman is the name.
DeleteIf he’s gay, let he be in peace not when he will go and marry out of pressure just to suffer someone’s daughter.
ReplyDeleteIt is quite pitiable to read this.
The first thing is to open conversation with your brother and tell him everything on your mind about him and how it is affecting the family. Since you both are very close, he will cooperate with you.
A lot of people do not know how these weird sexual behaviors are in Nigeria, even in the "far North". I have a doctor friend that served in the far North and has told about her experiences of very respectable men who are into this, bestiality, group sex... she escaped being raped by a very powerful politician after several attempts to get her to succumb to his advances. Let's leave this for now.
Know that the only Savior that mankind has is Jesus. I am not talking about ideologies -for none of those promise salvation from sin, not even a promise.
Kindly keep us up to date on how it goes inugo?
Sanu nka nyarinya chau 😘😘😘
It is better you talk to him face to face. Do not tell anyone else before talking to him, not even your simblings. If it turns out he is gay, forcing him to marry will do more harm than good. He is going to make that woman very unhappy. Take a trip to lagos to go talk to him. Goodluck, cos you are going to need it.
ReplyDelete*Siblings...
DeleteI watch lesbian porn alot, it's the only porn that turns me on, i find straight porn boring.
ReplyDeleteI had a lesbian encounter out of curiosity, (i've been fantasizing about being with a fellow girl since i was 14yrs old, even though i was virgin until age 18yrs) and found out i enjoy sex better with female than male. No man has ever made me squirt and vibrate the way my girlfriend does, and i'm talking about 20 body count here. Now i have decided to tell myself the truth, and accept myself for who i am.
That being said, if your brother was seeing gay porn, he was probably trying to figure out his sexuality, and if he is without a girlfriend till date, he is most probably gay.
My opinion; don't tell anyone about this, not even your parents or siblings. You can speak with your brother, just to satisfy your conscience, but NEVER advise him to marry a woman, he will put her through hell! Except he marries a fellow gay woman for cover, no one deserves to be in such a marriage.
Poster, just one advice to you please do not ask your brother to marry as a cover up if he tells you he is gay. That would be wicked to the wife he gets to marry. I really don't know how to tell you to handle this with your family as every family is unique. What I can say is that you can meet with him and find out if your suspicion is true, but what you do with that knowledge I cannot tell.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you have a heart to heart conversation with him and he tells you he isn't gay even after you tell him your findings what do you do? I am sorry I don't know what to tell you. It is just more questions than answers.
Discuss with your brother first!! That he watches Gay porn doesn't mean he's gay🤷🤷🤷
ReplyDeleteAnd if he is, you can't go about telling your parent and siblings without talking to him about it first........ Talk to him and take it from there!!
If youre watching gay porn, youre gay.
DeleteIts meant to irritate any straight guy.
Anon 16:09 I kinda agree with you. I don't know any straight man who enjoys gay porn unless he is bisexual unlike women can be straight and enjoy lesbian porn. Meanwhile never advice a gay man get married to a woman. Put yourself in the woman's shoes. What law says he must get married?
DeleteThat's assuming he is truly gay.
Anyone who watch and derive pleasure from gay porn is either gay or bi.
DeleteGay porn irritates straight men.
In your brothers case,it's obvious he's gay.Judging by the fact that he doesn't have a girlfriend at that age.
Unfortunately,homosexuality is not something you can talk to someone to change about himself.You can sit and talk to him about your findings but don't try to bring the idea of marriage to him .
The only cure I have heard about homosexuality is prayer.
Pray for him and let him live his life.Tell him to come out to your family members too so everyone will stop bothering themselves.
Anon 16:09, you're wrong.....Not everyone that watched Gayporn is gay!!!
DeleteWhat if he did it out of curiosity?? What if he's bi? Or even straight? Let her speak to him and find out first!!!
It's not your story to tell anyone. If he wants to tell ur parents, he will.
ReplyDeleteStay out of it.
I feel you should travel to Lagos to see him, tell him what you saw and understand , ask him what's plans are, and you love and won't judge him, and he should tell you if he's gay. And ask him what are is plans.
ReplyDeleteI watch lesbians film a lot, but it doesn't mean I'm a lesbian. And yes I don't want to go anonymous because I don't hide. What I'm trying to say is that he might be gay or not, so have an open mind and ask him in private. Not everyone wants to get married, he might be scared of commitment, so ask him first.
ReplyDeleteMy dear don't use assumption and ruin someone's life...If you know the extent at which people talk when they know certain things about people you will be mindful of what you say. Your bro might even hate you and never talk to you again..
ReplyDeleteIs he gay? He alone can tell. He's single doesn't mean he is. Have you thought of health issues.
This chronicle is looking like I've read it before.
He is your brother and you seem to have a decent relationship. Speak to him but do not judge him. It is not in your position to tell your parents or your siblings
ReplyDeleteBabe you're not even sure and you want to call family meeting. Just because you saw gay porn in his browsing history doesn't mean shit.
ReplyDeleteThink you should involve your siblings but not parents. If he turns out to be gay, you pple should just free him and not force him to marry coz if he marries, it won't be fair on the lady...
ReplyDeleteYou can ask him but don't force him to get married..
ReplyDeleteMost innocent women married to gay African men are in hell.
The best thing he can do is find a way to travel out of the country and live where he will be accepted.
I don't support the gay thing but I can't force my beliefs on anybody.
If your brother is truly gay then I think he should relocate outside Nigeria, maybe Europe and start living as an open gay person so he can have a happy life , since it is not acceptable in Nigeria, pls he should not get married to an innocent girl if he is truly gay , he shouldn't ruin an innocent girl's life by marrying her to cover up his sexuality.
ReplyDeleteAnd I oop! This one is heavy.
ReplyDeleteWhat you should do:
1) Leave him alone and mind your business.
2)Don't tell your family or siblings about it.
3) Stop worrying about it. He's gay and there's not much you can do.
4) Confronting him about it is a bad idea. He'd definitely deny it and you'd push him away even farther.
Just drink your tea and face the other way. And I honesty hope to God that he never gets married before he makes an innocent, unsuspecting girl his beard. If I had a gay brother or friend, I'd discourage him from ever getting married abeg. No girl deserves that kind of situation.
In summary, mind your business and don't say anything to anyone. Leave your parents to continue ranting about marriage like the typical Nigerian parents they are. Just keep telling them that marriage is not by force and clearly your bro is not interested in it.
You saved me the stress of typing. poster please take this advice.
DeleteThis your advice will just waste this boy forever and leave the family in perpetual agony. Confrontation is still the best
DeletePoster is your school in Jos? B/ladi? Don't worry I'm not trying to decode I won't know you I graduated in 2000. Day said....it's not your story to tell so don't share your suspicion with anyone. You will only increase your mother's sleepless nights. If you guys are close, you can go and visit him and see if he will open up to you. I'm sure he wants to open up for he is scared of being judged. Show him you love him no matter what.
DeleteGoodluck poster
@chybaby will you avail him a lady for marriage or advise a lady to marry him? I'd go with this person's advice of not confronting or informing anyone but in addition, l'd just add that she can remember his soul in her prayers. Except supernaturally he is delivered from that spirit, it's not advisable for any woman to chook head there... My 2 cents.
DeleteSo when a female watching lesbian porn its could be mere fantasies cos hey who doesnt like a gal on gal action even the guys do but that dont necessarily make you a lesbian yea. But when a guy watches male porn 99% he would most likely be guy cos that shit is deep. What do u want to talk to him about?!
ReplyDeleteBrother are you GAY? what would you do if he says yes, Lolz if i were you i would avoid the conversation awkward. but then again you could advise him to consider getting a surrogate to carry his baby if he is indeed gay. At least your parents would be happy to see a grandchild. but all in all i think your brother is a grown ass man working a well paid job other than the sexuality thing he seems to be doing well for himself. so leave him be he knows what is right for him. periodt.
Well, I don't know nada about porn but i know this. That someone is not married doesn't make them gay. That someone is single does not make them gay.
ReplyDeleteWhat if he has underlying health issues? Impotence maybe? So he is scared of settling down because of that. Or he is aromantic? And if you asked and he confesses he doesn't want woman in that way then don't force it.
ReplyDeleteA few friends in school were openly gay but their parents back home didn't have an inkling and they were busy planning as at then to get a beard. I shuddered at the mere thought of the innocent women who would end up with their phony selves. Female coursemates too we're fully involved in the gay lifestyle. It was as if they had been praying to leave the shores of Nigeria to simply experiment. Their parents back home were obvious of it all. By the time we graduated a lot of bisexuals. Some re-dedicated their lives to Christ and gave up that lifestyle while some were far gone to turn back.
Whichever you choose to address it, may God give you strength.
Poster, please it would be nice to talk to him than talk to your mom or family members about it.
ReplyDeleteWhy don’t you just mind your business? Don’t do that and watch him cut off everyone of you.
ReplyDeleteHer brother isn't a part of her business? Like the family does not deserve a right to know? These are his family not outsiders please!
DeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteI'm a lady I like watching lesbian porn, and I'm not a lesbian.
You should go with Stella's advice, talk with your brother first one on one. From whatever he says you will know what next today. Above all put him in prayers. Cheers.
Poster do not tell your mom, don't stress the poor woman please, and since you haven't caught him in the act, you can't conclude that he's gay. So take it easy and talk to your brother, see if he will open up to you.
ReplyDeletePoster have a heart to heart talk with him so he can really open up about his sexual preference instead of assuming..don't disclose any info to anyone not even ur Mom cos u are not sure which it is,and even peradventure u find out from him,don't tell anyone
ReplyDeleteSome things are better left unsaid
I advise you mind your business
ReplyDeleteJesus is our saviour. He is the only one that can deliver all from sin and habits. Let's all serve Him with sincere hearts. Watching movies that do not edify Jesus Christ is wrong whether you feel anything or not. We are in the end times believe it or not, Jesus is the only way to salvation. I pray that your brother accepts Jesus whole heartedly. Have a talk with him back up your conversation with bible verses. The Holy spirit will continue to help us all amen.
ReplyDeleteDon't assume he's gay so visit him and have a heart to heart talk with him
ReplyDeleteYour brother is 100% gay. Don’t mind Stella, if you are not gay/lesbian gay porn will not interest you. I think you should ask your brother in a loving and joking way if he is gay.
ReplyDeletewhen you saw that video from the beginning why didn't you try to talk with him to find out if he was really into it then and helped him out? you allow the head to be off before you are looking for a way to save, i said this if for real he is gay. You will need to confront him first to be sure you are not just assuming things without proper evidence. i pick number two option that will be better, don't get it twisted not all single guys are gay. We still have young and matured men who are still single but not guy, is possible a lady has treated him badly reason why he cannot marry. Have you try to connect him with your friends or someone you know is good for him, is possible your brother cannot ask a lady out. Please do not give up on trying to help him out.
ReplyDeleteYour brother is gay no doubt about that, just allow him
ReplyDeleteDarling, as hard as this may sound, your brother's sexuality is none of your business. You invaded his privacy by snooping through his phone and found out he browsed through gay porn sites. You assume he isn't married or into ladies because he is gay. You claim you have nothing against homosexuality but we both know that isn't true because if it were, we wouldn't be reading this.
ReplyDeleteIt's normal to be concerned about your brother, but sweetie, it is not your place to sit him down and bring up a part of his life that is extremely private. Let's assume you have a kink or a fetish, then one of your siblings finds out and decides to table the matter with you, asking why you like what you like, how invasive is that? As long as he didn't volunteer any information about his sexuality, please leave him be.
If he is gay, what exactly do you hope to achieve with a heart to heart? Out-talk the gay out of him or just confirm your curiosity? Convince him to mislead a poor lady by marrying her and making her miserable just to put your parents' mind at ease? How would you feel if you found out the man you married is gay but only married you to get his parents off his grill? No lady deserves that. Honey, please leave your brother to live his life, he is an adult. The info you got through snooping is not yours to share. Let your parents have a talk with him, like most parents do, if they are so disturbed. Pulling a Nancy Drew on him with your mum is not the way to go.
Very soon the spotlight will be shone in your direction and your parents may start asking you why you haven't brought a man yet, let's see how you'll cope under pressure. The best you can do, since you seem so restless, is to bring up the issue of marriage and playfully tease him about being an "old bachelor", then see how he responds. You can't force him to own up to being gay. That's just too aggressive and immature. Even amongst siblings, there are certain boundaries that should exist. The irony here is, your brother can get married at 50 and still have kids. I really don't see the big deal about being 36 and unmarried. Just because all his friends are married with kids doesn't mean he should join the bandwagon. Please let him decide when he is mentally and emotionally ready to start a family, since money is not an issue. By the way, my sweet, stop beefing your brother because he wants to glob trot. So he shouldn't travel around the world because he isn't married yet or because you think he is gay? Life is for the living, let him do what he enjoys doing. You come off as a nosey and obnoxious little sis, by the way. I hope I'm wrong, though. I'm too frightened to imagine if you were his older sis, you'll probably still be spanking him and scolding him for being naughty. Sweetie, please give yourself a break.
e-hugs and kisses.
How does a sibling's concern make her come across as obnoxious and nosey??? You too with all your sanctimonious advice comes across as 'arrogant and know it all'. The poster is obviously young and if she was obnoxious will not be asking for opinions. She is obviously very concerned for her brother and the family.
DeletePoster, comot your mind and mind your business but as a northerner that is almost impossible because you guys love running your brothers and sons home. He is gay that's why he is avoiding coming home. You guys should accept it not because it is right but because it is his choice. No one was born gay it is a choice IMO
ReplyDeleteIt is not a choice pleaseee...so you think it is a choice for them to live in shame?? It is a choice maybe for bisexuals because they can decide to let go but for someone who is innately gay, they mostly can not help who and the physiology they are attracted to.
DeletePoster my advice is that you should visit him in Lagos and spend like a week with him. Study him carefully and also snoop on his phone browser and whatsapp msgs. Investigate the kind of movie he loved to watch and use any other possible means to investigate his activities before concluding that he is a guy.
DeleteGood luck!
...One of the hardest thing to be in Nigeria, is an eligible single person. What exactly is your questioning him going to do for him? Any single person of marriageable age, knows that they are of marriageable age. They are acutely aware of being single because society will never fail to remind them (no matter how successful they are in other areas of life)...so if they are single, best believe there is a reason (whether you think it is valid or not) for that. We should stop this culture of consciously or unconsciously pressuring people to perform life tasks they may not be ready for. Personally, I am tired of all the spousal murders and DV happening all around us. As regards your brother, poster, he's a grown assed man, why is this matter bothering you more than it is bothering him? He's avoiding home because he knows he'd be put in the spotlight, and nobody wants that. Him being gay or not is mere speculations from you. With all due respect poster, face your own relationship.
ReplyDeletePray for him
ReplyDeleteTease him about being a crusty bachelor
Mind your boundaries after that
Poster your brother is gay as FU*K! but I think you should mind your business.
ReplyDeleteHe hasn't come home in two years indicates he does't want drama.you going to Lagos means taking the drama to him.just leave him alone,gayism ain't the worst that can happen to a man!!!