Sunday, January 26, 2020
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This is why I’m taking my time. What I went through, my kids will never go through it by God’s grace
ReplyDeleteI really applaud GOOD house wives that do a good job taking there time to care for there kids. Honestly
DeleteI told a friend I needed a job. 9-2 or 8-3pm. She laugh oooo off phone for my ear. Nxt she sent a stinker, that am not serious at all. That she tot I was hard working.
DeleteStupid IDIOT. She was expecting me to hire a maid to train my child or what? How much u wan pay me to do 9-5 for u? What rubbish, I will train my kid by myself! No help at least until she comes of age.
How can a 5yrs old still b wetting bed and many careless training! 5yrs old still drops poo on her body for what now? Because of career? Hissss
Seen a lot of parents talk about picking up kids by 5. The schools closes then?? Crazy. Seems private schools are now adjusting their times to meet with the reality of daily life. However, that is really sad and extremely stressful on the kids. So basically, kids are now working blue collar. Glad it isn't the same here in Port Harcourt.
Delete@16:17, your friend has a point. Unless it is government work, there's no paid job in Lagos that do 9-2 or 8-3. Even teachers don't resume and close by that time. Shift jobs like customer care and co don't resume and close by that time. Apart from that, there's no guarantee your employer will let you leave by your closing time. Your friend is not evil. She told you the truth however she should have been more tactful with her response.
DeleteA friend of mine was in your situation and i told her what is really on ground. She had to wait for her kids to begin school before job hunting.
I advise you do the same thing or own your business so you can have more control over your time.
All the above are bad parents. I have 4 biological children and 2 adopted. Ages ranges from 13yrs to 10. I gave up my job when my twins where 1yr old. Reason was i was not bonding with them. They are asleep when i get back and still sleeping when i leave dor work. Work mondays to Saturday sometimes sundays. Did not no my 1st 2 children. Had to borrow myself sense oh and resigned. Was called mad and all that,but i accepted. Started my baking business and was doing it at my own phase oh. Till now,i wake 4.30,prepare their meals,wash and iron their uniforms cross check homeworks, get on one with them. During school section except weekends they only make their beds and was dishes. Weekends and holidays,i dont lift my hands to do anything they cook and clean. And even help me with my orders. We talk we bond. My son of 13 has started asking about girls,i thought him sex education when he was much younger. Showed him condoms jow to use if he must use,but told him abstinence is thw best. So far so good. Thwy talk to me about everything and i get compliments from other parents. So yes i think am doing a good job.
DeleteU are actually the IDIOT. Why don’t you go start your own business instead of worrying another person to get you a job? You can’t eat your cake and have it. Not all children with parents that work 9-5 are ill mannered. For your information, some children whose mothers are housewives are so ill mannered.
Delete17:39 jobs at the mall run shifts ,though we all know it's sales work.
DeleteMost of them resume 8 and closes 2 or 3 pm.
you are actually the stupid idiot....how many jobs in naija do this? in developed countries yes you can work hours you want but in naija how many? na only you don born for this life. i work full time and i can never do any of the above to my kids. you must also have an attitude problem with that your friend. rubbish
DeleteSTELLA DO A POST THAT WILL ALLOW PEOPLE TALK ABOUT EVIL PARENTS. I don’t mean just ordinary wickedness o? I mean those people that know that their parents are in covens. Stella this shit is so real in Africa .
ReplyDeleteThis is the height of it, why ask God for kids you don't have the time to take care of? I rather be a stay at home parent than be too busy for my kids.
DeleteHow would you send your child to school with dirty diaper?
I am so angry, can't they report the parents to the police.
Someone even left his child with gate man, if they get raped now, they will be looking for who to blame.
What can make me so busy for my kids ejor? And even if you are too busy, can't you make provisions?
Those ones are raising a future wife beater if not serial killer.
Hei God!!!
Am a single parent by choice,guy man is an isi agwu me 2 my head no correct so na collusion journey e go b. My baby gets me angry and i bet her alot, i correct her alot with screams.
ReplyDeleteSo many marriages r Toxic,so many nannys r bad.in my gals sch, 4 kids from one parents, double twins,signs
in 6:45am/7am, recently i did gossip,was late to pick up my wad and saw them,changed and playing looking lonely i asked there parents r not here? ThiS was 4pm, teacher said no,they close late and pick dem by 6/6:30/7pm. I said no b same kids wey dey open school? Teacher smiled. Am not perfect but cant allow JOB!MAN or Society come bw trained my child.
Pls come back and rewrite your comment.
DeleteWork on your anger issues please
DeleteDon't scar or emotionally abuse your child
You are abusing your kid hope u know that
DeleteYou better work on yourself seriously.
DeleteI will. Thanks all
DeleteThis is exactly what I have on my status as we speak, some people do not deserve to have kids.
ReplyDeleteI was born in the nineties. I faced all these. Mom was schooling- post graduate, Dad was working. I didn't have everything I wanted but I had everything I needed.
DeleteWhen I was in primary school, my siblings and I got to school before we even woke up(as Dad dropped us off). We were bathed and dressed for school with sleep in our eyes.
There was even a time I poured hot water on my self cos I was sleeping and I thought the noose of the kettle was faced towards the bucket.
Getting to school that early, we would go straight to the daycare to sleep till 7am.
We would stay in school and play and play and stay till night when mum and dad will come to pick us. Sometimes we stayed over and got picked from the caregiver's house which was not so far away.
My secondary school life was not so different because I would spend four solid hours in transit to school(cos of holdup) and two hours back with my dad before going to pick the rest and we all head home... Lagos traffic! My Dad became my best friend and confidant of course...we were always together for 6hours+
In all these, we never went to school in dirty or torn uniform- We all had uniform for each day of the week.
We had our together time, went on family outings and all. At least I have pleasant memories of Mr Biggs Akowonjo.
We all(my siblings and I) relate very well with our parents.
It doesn't come without a price- sacrifice on both sides(parents and children) for the benefits of both.
I know what a loving home looks and feels like. So all those giving busyness as excuse should stop.
In the little time your wards spend with you, what do they learn? How do you behave towards them?
We all(at home) knew that those were sacrifices for a better tomorrow for us all.
PS: My price was domestic work. I didn't know how to wash clothes. My dad used washing machine for us then. He ironed my clothes as a teenager sometimes (the secret was to bring out your uniform as he was ironing his clothes and disappear).
I also lost books every time. I wouldn't copy notes or do assignments. The teachers stopped minding cos I aced regardless. But the day my mum found out, she collected cane, stripped me in the proprietor's office and flogged sense into me.
We only did house chores on weekends and long vacs. We were laborers on vacation (we cleared our yard ourselves and we got paid).
Growing up was still fun amidst all these. I went through the busy Lagos life and I turned out okay.
The lists are endless of how selfish many parents are. They think they are doing the children a favour by giving birth to them.
ReplyDeleteYou hear mothers, fathers complaining almost every day of how its not easy being a parent... Did anybody ever told you it was easy?
If you know that you can not sacrifice selflessly your time, energy, mind, emotions, money, and even psychology for your children, please stop having kids.
I can't even complain of anything that I do for my boy. I believe it is my duty to do them. It is my duty to give him the best that I can afford and it is my duty to raise him in the fear of God, in good health in love, kindness, wisdom and compassion.
There were times, I had to wake up as early as five in the morning just so we could meet up with our schedule and there were times I had to take a break from whatever it is I was doing to go pick him up from school and then, drop him with the woman that look after him for some hours and then, I'll go back to work. I was very grateful to God for giving me the strength to do all the running around.
I have no reason to complain.
You see them coming on social media to complain about how tough it is to wake up in the morning and prepare their kids for school.... Who is supposed to do it?
Imagine a boy of four years old is already a psychopath all because his parents have refused to have sense and do the right thing.
The story up there, doesn't only speak about the rich and wealthy, it is about both the poor, the rich and middle class.
Learn to sacrifice your time for you kids and stop complaining.
Thank you! Nigerian parents be acting like they are doing you a favor by raising you and catering for you... Like, did I ask to be born? Did you ask for my permission to bring me into this world? You took a decision by yourselves and brought me here without consulting me now you feel like I should be eternally grateful to you for raising me, which is by default your responsibility? Nonsense and Buhari!
DeleteThe thing is a lot of people have kids for selfish reasons.I don't want to be all alone when am old, I need someone to take care of me in old age etc. At the end of the day, they bring children to the world and don't have time for them.
DeleteSame parents will still blackmail and expect so much from the children.
Some will birth so many kids yet they know they don't have the means.
Some will bring children to the world and dump the responsibility of taking care of the children on others.
In as much as I am against abortion, I am also against bringing children to the world to suffer. What's the point keeping the pregnancy and then transferring all the bitterness, frustration and anger to the child?
Working parents should also try and find a middle ground, find a balance. You mustn't be the richest in the world. We claim to be working for our children but what will be our gain if the children don't turn out right even if they have everything they need at their disposal.
I may not be the best of parents, but God knows I really try to be good to our babies.
ReplyDeleteI know it's only God who gives me strength, because the stress I go through everyday is enough to make one break down.
At the end of the day, we should know where our priorities lie.
I know it is good to be financially independent, but sometimes, it's best to lay a good foundation for the children before pursuing career and money.
That's why I am biding my time so that by the time I am ready to face career, they would have become capable of taking care of themselves.
Abeg this is my opinion. Say yours and leave mine maka ndi ufu obi.
Twin God gba hi ume. Where I stay some mothers work and Dey b looking at u as lazy! Meanwhile few times I have experienced dir kids, d behave badly. Mine is 2 and in sch. Someone said I shd have waited till 3 cos am not working, am not regretting cos she has stared talking small small and socializing. D thing I did last yr no gree enter cos my mind was already on my kid. This term is me and her no distractions what so ever. She comes 1st b4 any money pursuit Biko. 👍
Delete@16:03, i know working mothers whose kids are well behaved and stay at home mums whose kids are badly behaved and vice-versa. I know working mums who talk with their children more often than the stay at home mums and vice-versa. Being a good/bad mother is not proportional to whether one is a stay-at-home mum or a working mum.
DeleteThere are some women who wish they could stay home with the kids but circumstances has made it impossible; death of the husband, a lazy/uncaring husband or ex-husband, babymama situation, husband's loss of livelihood or inability of the husband's source of livelihood to care for the family effectively. You're fortunate you're in a situation that affords you the opportunity to stay at home for your daughter.
My mother was a working mum and NONE for us (we are FIVE) turned out badly because she did a good job as a mother AND my father did a good job as a father. Both parents have to cooperate to ensure their kids are well trained in all aspects; morally, mentally, physically and most importantly, spiritually.
Anon 16:32, thank you very much.
DeleteThank you 16:32
Delete@Anon 16:03, lazy woman like you. Others that are stay at home moms keep their babies with them till they are 3 or 4 years old yet you can send a little baby to school by 2 years.
DeleteWhat are you doing at home that you cannot teach your child how to talk, she has to go to school to learn it.
You are very lazy because you are not working yet cannot teach your child anything. While your daughter is in school, it's to watch Zee world and African Magic rather than be useful to the society.
I couldn't read all of it. I don't have the heart. But I will read comments.
ReplyDeleteAny parent that is not teaching her kids the word of God is not a good parent.
ReplyDeleteGod bless u Stella for dis topic u brought up.parents of nowadays no dey try rara.They are running after money as if it's going into extinction.Work work work no time for their kids.The women nko na to dey watch zeeworld or telemundu.The can press fone from morning to night.
DeleteA parent told the teachers during PTA to stop giving his kids homework cos he doesn't have time to do d homework with d kids.
One day my son told me that his classmate came to sch with an empty lunchbox.. apparently d parents forgot to put food.
Not just teaching, but leading by example.
DeleteLol @ gumbucks.
DeleteMy sister's friend, very rich woman, she buys clothes like it's running out of stocks. One day a teacher called the husband to complain how dirty the children are, gave birth and 2 weeks later she dropped the kids with her help of 10 years, and off to her business
ReplyDeleteI'm not yet married and not yet a mother, but the way i take care of my niece and nephew? I will be the best. And i give it up to my sister, she has done an amazing job
Some parents I cry to God telling him he gave wrong people children when you see the way some parents treat their biological children. I have been praying to God that once I become a mother my children will never suffer what I suffered in life.
ReplyDeleteThis is sad!
ReplyDeleteStella the type of parents we have this days are terrible.All they care abt is money.
ReplyDeleteI teach in a private sch so I see all sorts.One day a woman came to pick her kids..5 of them.she was such in a hurry dat she left one of d kids and drove off.d lil girl was running after d car crying mummy,mummy.She was playing loud music dat even wen d oda kids in d car were trying to tell her that Annabel didn't enter d car she wasn't hearing them.Luckly anoda parent saw d lil girl and brought her back to d sch.
This is serious
Delete😯😯 what a parent!
DeleteIs this real?
DeleteWhy have 5kids if you are so forgetful? I am amazed mehn
What 😵😵😵😵😨😨😨
DeleteThis is heartbreaking
DeleteStella the type of parents we have this days are terrible.All they care abt is money.
ReplyDeleteI teach in a private sch so I see all sorts.One day a woman came to pick her kids..5 of them.she was such in a hurry dat she left one of d kids and drove off.d lil girl was running after d car crying mummy,mummy.She was playing loud music dat even wen d oda kids in d car were trying to tell her that Annabel didn't enter d car she wasn't hearing them.Luckly anoda parent saw d lil girl and brought her back to d sch.
Hmmmm God have mercy....
DeleteA lot of times mental evaluation shd b done. The stress is too much for some mothers
DeleteOmg, all the above is just horrible! #Shudders
ReplyDeleteGod help me o, sometimes i wonder if i am doing well with my kids, i don't want to fail my kids at all.
Please anyone with good parenting tip, pls share o, thanks in anticipation.
Prayer (you must pray)
DeleteObservation of the individual personality and character of each child, their friends, opinions, thoughts, influences
Close monitoring
Open door policy
Open mind
Patience
Teach them to pray early from a young age and also the Bible, Praise Worship and using scripture to pray /confess promises of GOD
Reward good behaviour and manners
Deal with bad behaviour
Give age appropriate chores
Teach savings culture early
Cook together
Teach then your language , music,culture
Dance together and be silly with them sometimes
Have electronic free days
Monitor TV consumption
Well said Jet li
DeleteWhat about our own parents?
ReplyDeleteHow well did they do?
Some of us have the worst parents but still pretend like we come from a good home. I think I have the worst parents ever. Almost all my siblings turned out badly with one baggage or the other. And the few that are sane are still in the waters* finding their head. Bad parenting didn't start in this generation and it's not stopping either. It's either we decide by ourself to do better or the error continues.
👍👌
DeleteIt's not just sad that this is going on, what's more sad is that is that it ain't stopping rather, it will get worse. Parents are forming woke on social media forgetting their primary duties as parents. It's so sad.
ReplyDeleteI know someone on this table...very selfish and self absorbed. Anyways one of her children said she will deal with her. It is well
ReplyDeleteIf you read this and you a toxic parent don't come here and throw talks(pretend) if you don't want thunder to locate you just read,be sober and change. Because none of una go gree say una toxic.
ReplyDeleteI tell people know your capacity and find someone who matches it
DeleteIt isnt by money
Some people's capacity is only one child
Some two
Beyond your emotional, psychological, mental capacity and the children will suffer
Let us stop deceiving ourselves
Jet li, I agree wuth you. Personally I cant handle or deal with many kids, I just can't.
DeleteGod bless u Stella for dis topic u brought up.parents of nowadays no dey try rara.They are running after money as if it's going into extinction.Work work work no time for their kids.The women nko na to dey watch zeeworld or telemundu.The can press fone from morning to night.
ReplyDeleteA parent told the teachers during PTA to stop giving his kids homework cos he doesn't have time to do d homework with d kids.
One day my son told me that his classmate came to sch with an empty lunchbox.. apparently d parents forgot to put food.
Oh Lord help me to be the best I can,that I can be both mother,friend and more to my kids.....
ReplyDeleteI was/is my mother's companion,the first all night party I went to @400l,she dropped me herself and came back to pick me at dawn😁
I pick my kids by 6,sometimes 5,.
ReplyDeleteI take good care of them,sometimes when I am home I tell them to drop them with me.
I know of two boys whom their parents pick them by 9.
The owner of the after school care will even carry them to church on uniform,the next day they will put on the same uniform.
My kids they bath them,feed them,wash their lunch flasks and do their home work.
I drop extra flask ,having a different food from what they Carried to school,
I drop goldern morn, provisions permanently with their after school care,they have house clothes there too.
Is this week the woman remove flask washing,I have double school flasks and water bottles, so the day I am too tired to wash them,they use the extra flask and water bottles.
My kids are my world...
I will never joke with their well being.
This is terrible!
ReplyDeleteStella pls do a post abt mothers pitching their kids against their dads.
ReplyDeleteI was in abj lst wkend and I stayed in an aunt's house and I noticed that the kids don't greet their dad at all.Even husband and wife dey carry face but me I drink water mind myself biz.But one evening my amebo antenna rise so I called d smallest child..she's 11,I asked y she didn't greet her dad when he came back and she said mumy said I shldnt greet him.so I talked to her and told her God will not be happy with her.she promised to greet him.
The nxt morning she went into her dad's room to greet him,the 2 elder boys saw her coming out and rushed her shouting "we'll tell mummy dat u entered dad's room" she was crying,I had to beg Dem not to tell their mum.
Whatever problem u have with ur hubby pls don't involve d kids.
Stella pls do a post abt mothers pitching their kids against their dads.
ReplyDeleteI was in abj lst wkend and I stayed in an aunt's house and I noticed that the kids don't greet their dad at all.Even husband and wife dey carry face but me I drink water mind myself biz.But one evening my amebo antenna rise so I called d smallest child..she's 11,I asked y she didn't greet her dad when he came back and she said mumy said I shldnt greet him.so I talked to her and told her God will not be happy with her.she promised to greet him.
The nxt morning she went into her dad's room to greet him,the 2 elder boys saw her coming out and rushed her shouting "we'll tell mummy dat u entered dad's room" she was crying,I had to beg Dem not to tell their mum.
Whatever problem u have with ur hubby pls don't involve d kids.
Some women are devils. She won't know the implications of what she is doing now.
DeleteWhat the f...
DeleteStella this is an African thing and parents shouldn't be held responsible alone. How can a couple get married, 6 months never reach person go dey look for belle. Putting pressure on the young couple. A couple with no stable career or those just starting out. You'll now be trying to choose between career and kids (believe me, it's a very difficult choice). Secondly, most Single mothers are abandoned by their family, their husbands. They struggle alone because their kids most eat, be sheltered and clothed. In the eyes of society they are irresponsible but God know they're doing their honest best. Finally, let's tackle Nigeria. If say we get better social service one fuck up parent back so pikin go enter system (which by the way it's the worst thing to happen to a child) and if im get luck na better foster family go pick up. Marriage no be only fuck, I love you, big yansh, better breast... It goes beyond you because once kids come you have to be ready for the sacrifices that comes with. If you can handle just one then have just one. Don't carry community for house come dey answer big family meanwhile you no fit care for even one. The care of child lies with the parent (not father or mother but father and mother). Kids are the most impressionable set of humans. Don't be deceived by their innocence. They take note of everything (missed birthdays, late pick up...) Having a kid doesn't neccessarily make you a parent but being there does. That's the joy of parenting.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you.
DeleteMay God help us
ReplyDeleteBy 4pm,I loose all concentration at work.The only thing on my mind then is how to go and pick my kids from their after school.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is not as if I am making all the money,my husband still does every thing without complaining but I can't just sit at home doing nothing.
Going out daily gives me joy but I still find a way to balance it.
What kind of parents are these? Abeg it is depressing read this. May God help us.
ReplyDeleteI remember sec sch...there was these my classmate, a boy who usually came to school looking like he slept in the bin!
ReplyDeleteLike for the 5days a week of school, he wore d SAME uniform do dirty, highly stinky with urine smell!
But d boy was from a stinkingly rich family!
Bcos of how he was, he had no friends in sch n was always lonely
Sad
DeleteParenting is a lot of work and sacrifice. So many are birth parents only or just providers.But there is more to parenting. Long before marriage, it is important one gives parenting a serious thought which should also form part of courtship, not just he/she can do in the other room. How many kids to have, quality of life to provide and if one can single-handedly take care of the number of children if anything happens to a partner.All these are very critical. I see lots of 'parents' and when I look at the children, I feel very sad. Another thing is maturing mentally and emotionally first rather than just physical maturity and ability to have sex and sexual satisfaction as criteria for marriage or parenting. I once was at an event where an unkept woman and her 11 years old daughter where in attendance. Yet this woman no bother to think all she was ranting was "if the sex is not good, leave the man." I felt so many things that day-pain, pity, anger, disgust etc. I felt like flogging daylight out of her. Why breed children one cannot take care of?
ReplyDeleteBabes Eketi Ette made it here 😊
ReplyDeleteSee me feeling like a proud mother hen/sis 😁
On the subject, sigh.
I'm of the opinion that simply because one has functional sex organs and can procreate does not a parent make. But the our overly religious and I-must-do-as-others-do-even-though-I-hate-this-thing members of society, will go ahead and make babies, as per divine right na, despite the fact what they need to raise them (emotional, time and otherwise) are severely lacking or practically non-existent.
In all, I feel for the kids.
They didn't ask to be born.