STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN YOUR SISTER WANTS YOUR MAN
Dear BVs,
how does one handle a situation like mine?
I have seemingly nice boyfriend, but presently having an issue with him - my instinct tells me he is cheating. But I have evidence to prove that. He has always refuted this allegation.
Now here is the problem, my younger sister believes he is not cheating. They are good pals. At times, I think the are better dating that just friends. Because whenever you see them, they are often very comfortable with each other. And she has never stopped telling I have a very good boyfriend and I shouldn't let my many demons let him walk.
My younger, sister has never been a fan of getting married, infact she has vowed not to get married. But since I and my bf started having this lingering issue of cheating. She warned me that the second I tell my bf that I am no longer interested in the relationship and make my parents aware, the sooner she is going to marry him.
Dear BVs,
how does one handle a situation like mine?
I have seemingly nice boyfriend, but presently having an issue with him - my instinct tells me he is cheating. But I have evidence to prove that. He has always refuted this allegation.
Now here is the problem, my younger sister believes he is not cheating. They are good pals. At times, I think the are better dating that just friends. Because whenever you see them, they are often very comfortable with each other. And she has never stopped telling I have a very good boyfriend and I shouldn't let my many demons let him walk.
My younger, sister has never been a fan of getting married, infact she has vowed not to get married. But since I and my bf started having this lingering issue of cheating. She warned me that the second I tell my bf that I am no longer interested in the relationship and make my parents aware, the sooner she is going to marry him.
That was a huge shock to me. She has even told my Dad, that I have this wonderful bf that I want to let go. And that if I ever let him go, she will be marrying him.
My Dad has asked to meet him thrice, but I have held back. I'm having cold feets, cause he want us to get married. There's this "but" in my head.
I have asked him if he has a thing for my sister, but he has always insisted it has nothing to it more than just the friendly relationship that exists between a bf and his gf's sister or brother.
On a second thought, could my sister be damn right about him? She accuses me that it's because he doesn't meet up anyone of my exes. But that he has everything all my exes collectively do not have. Truth be told my sister, has that discernment of seeing through people - reason she doesn't have a bf. And I agree my bf is total different from anything I have ever dated. With a very good personality.
My Dad has asked to meet him thrice, but I have held back. I'm having cold feets, cause he want us to get married. There's this "but" in my head.
I have asked him if he has a thing for my sister, but he has always insisted it has nothing to it more than just the friendly relationship that exists between a bf and his gf's sister or brother.
On a second thought, could my sister be damn right about him? She accuses me that it's because he doesn't meet up anyone of my exes. But that he has everything all my exes collectively do not have. Truth be told my sister, has that discernment of seeing through people - reason she doesn't have a bf. And I agree my bf is total different from anything I have ever dated. With a very good personality.
In a way, I am leaning towards my sister's opinion, that it's because he is a struggling guy.
If I eventually I let him go, and my sister gets him. Can I live with that? On Saturday my sister, went to pick him from his base to mine and demands I make up and go ahead with whatever we want for us. That she can't wait to have him as a BIL, so that the flame In her head could resign in peace.
I really don't get her own in my case, I know we are each other's bestie. Could there be something I am not seeing well, biko.
Hmmmm,you are suspecting him of cheating and your sister says he is not?I hope she is not the other woman in your relationship cos i dont understand why she will marry him Immediately you say you are not Interested......Something is very fishy,,do your ground work and set them up......Be smart about this and the truth that is in front of you will be clear!
If I eventually I let him go, and my sister gets him. Can I live with that? On Saturday my sister, went to pick him from his base to mine and demands I make up and go ahead with whatever we want for us. That she can't wait to have him as a BIL, so that the flame In her head could resign in peace.
I really don't get her own in my case, I know we are each other's bestie. Could there be something I am not seeing well, biko.
Hmmmm,you are suspecting him of cheating and your sister says he is not?I hope she is not the other woman in your relationship cos i dont understand why she will marry him Immediately you say you are not Interested......Something is very fishy,,do your ground work and set them up......Be smart about this and the truth that is in front of you will be clear!
poster are you Dumb, they are fucking each other, your sis is in love with your bf and cant wait to have him. if you still marry him, i bet she will still be all over him. bf snatcher.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm, poster your sister na wa
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteSome people dey this life ooo,junior sister#sidechick to sister boyfriend na wahh.That's why i keep telling my friend to stop dressing his daughters in same clothes,sames shoes,tights and all even pants,these children will grow up and end up liking the same man since they are used to having similar things from childhood,it records in their brain,even twins should be dressed differently,they are individuals,these things do have effects on them when they grow up having same tastes in everything.how won't they like the same man
Deletenot just fishy but titus fish. Buy one get one free 😮😮
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣
DeletePoster you are the "blindest" person I have ever heard of... Like right under your nose.
Just leave that guy and let them have each other, it's best you do it yourself rather than catching them in the act.
Why is your sister picking your guy up from his place? Like why are there no boundaries?
Dem go down gbesh self for e place before them commot dey come.
DeletePoster sorry to break ur heart oo. no 🤣
Guy man is eating okro and stew served by the same family and he might be getting eba outside sef
ReplyDeleteSense will not kee you Abeg 👌. Poster give them your blessing simple.
DeleteYour Sense is too much jor. It will be heartbreaking 💔if she allows this to fly without doing her due diligence.
DeleteCorner this man and tell him your mind, that you are not comfortable the way he cozy up to your sister. Set the boundaries and let him see it.
ReplyDeletePlease do not go ahead with this marriage without resolving this "but" in your head. Above all pray that God will expose and resolve that but. And close legs.
Me thinks your sis and your man are an item. Why is she so interested in your love life, shouldn't she be concerned about hers?
ReplyDeleteThere are some kind of people out there who only want what others have. If the guy was free this same sister might not have been interested in him.
DeleteAnon 15:50 this is another angle.
DeleteAnon Gbam! This is another angle.
DeleteThere is nothing wrong settling with a struggling guy...with time, your support and God, he’ll do better.
ReplyDeleteIs that the only fear you have?
As for your sister, be very careful of her. For her to even mention that she would go after him if you dump him says a whole lot.
She’s really bold o. Just imagine the nonsense.
She has eyes for him, trust me, the minute you drop him, she’s taking over.
I feel like you don’t really want to be with this guy, and again, you don’t want your sister to be with him....it’s a normal feeling.
Do not settle for him against your will just cos you don’t want your sis to have him.
So, one cannot break up with her bf in peace?fear of sis taking over. She should find her own man and stop eyeing your boyfriend.
Why can’t your sis get her own man?
All these end time sisters. God have mercy 🙄
Thank God for the kind of siblings I have.
She even went to tell the dad. That your sister has gone far.
DeleteEvil sister, they are already gbenshing, u better keep her away from your relationship and u better take your decision fast, if u don't want to marry him oya clear road for your sister, fucked up siblings.
ReplyDeleteWhat a load of rubbish.
ReplyDeletePlease poster do the underground check and yes smartly as aunty Stella said. You know most times our instincts are correct. You can smartly check her phones alongside the set-up.
ReplyDeleteYour Sister is only letting You know how " Wonderful " Your Boyfriend is.
ReplyDeleteIf you do not want the Relationship, then let both of them date each other🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊
Toh! Your sister is a BV.
DeleteI don't think there is anything between them. She is only helping her sis see through a good guy. I can say that to my sis if she is messing with a cool guy, no big deal. I am free spirited like that. Y'all have to renew your mind. I wonder what some people's experiencies have been that they suspect everything. Argggghhh
Delete@ Anon 17:14, I agree with you. Sometimes siblings or friends say such to each other in order to make the other person see the “good” and value their spouse / relationship. It’s funny how most people on this blog have said that before to their sibling or friend and out here pretending like it’s a crime to do so.
DeleteDarling, you may be free spirited but, please, don't be naive enough to assume there aren't people who won't do what you can't do. This world is full of crazies and mean spirited individuals. Perhaps you haven't had a firsthand or secondhand experience of how vicious and manipulative people can be, unfortunately, family members included.
DeleteI know a family where the older sister took in her younger sister. The plan was to be responsible for her education and general welfare. Big sis is 12 years older and married into wealth. Unfortunately, 10 years postnuptials, they were still trying to conceive. I have no doubt you can already see the end of this story. Baby sis got knocked up by her BIL. As if that wasn't messed up enough, baby sis started giving big sis attitude. To cut a lengthy story short, big sis left the marriage while baby sis settled in gallantly. Another disgusting story was about a "mum" who came to babysit after her daughter was delivered of a baby. Guess what? " mum" got knocked up by her son-in-law.
I attended the marriage introduction of a colleague's daughter. During the celebration, the groom-to-be caught the eye of the bride-to-be's cousin, the daughter of the bride-to-be's mother's sister. The date for the wedding was fixed. A couple of months later, we were told the wedding was called off because the guy in question is now dating the cousin he met at his introduction and the cousin's mum gave her blessings, regardless of how hurt her sister and her niece were.
Sweetie, just enjoy your world and be grateful for the blissful oblivion but, please, don't blame people who choose to be overly or reasonably cautious. Like you rightly stated, you wonder what people's experiences have been that makes them suspect everything. Once bitten... and like the saying goes " just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you". Best to be safe than sorry, so err on the side of caution.
Well, we can't say authoritatively that they are gbenshing, you don't have any evidence to back that claim up. Set them up and do you findings. But that sister of your ls seems smarter.
DeleteThen again, it could be partly because she wants you to settle down. Perhaps because you've turned down a whole lot of guys, both with valid reasons and selfish reason. That most times dies not really add up.
Or she could have seen sides of him that made her change her stance on not getting married. The question is, what has your sister seen in your guy that you haven't? Why not have a sincere talk with you sister, highlighting why you can't get married to your guy. And let her counter every one of your excuse. You might then appreciate what your eyes haven't seen in him.
Struggling does not define someone, it's much effort you support him with. Shit happens, if truly he a good guy. Let us o beyond his struggles deer the lights he has shinning for him.
The minute you leave this dude, your sister is gonna hook him down.
@Ronalda, Only you know all these people?? I think you need to change your circle my dear. You will thank me later
DeleteI am smelling a rat on your behalf although it might be nothing, but there should be boundaries abeg.
ReplyDeleteYou don't want him and you don't want to let go hian hanty choose a struggle. I love your sister, she's truthful. I see you as a selfish person. Stay one place biko.
ReplyDeleteSelfish keh, she got dibs
DeleteWhat kinda senseless truthfulness is that? The sister is just a silly pick me.
DeleteIt could just be that ur sis wants you to feel jealous and see the suppose qualities in that guy.maybe u need to subtly call off that relationship and watch out how your sister will behave afterwards. If nothing happens call the guy and apologize if you truly loves him ,not that you were pressured by ur sis. Not all sisters are bad!
ReplyDeleteI am feeling the pressure from the sister on the poster's behalf. Na wa ooo
DeleteI agree with @Golden eye but you don't have to call off the relationship; you might lose him. But if you don't want the guy, abeg free him, don't waste his time
DeletePoster do your findings about your bf and your sister to clear the air if both are dating under your nose. If you find out that both are not dating then you can give him another chance but if they are dating free them both.
ReplyDeleteDo not assume both are dating till you get your findings. We will be expecting your feedback.
Heres what i foresee.
ReplyDeleteIf you breakup with him your sister will sleep with him.
If you marry him, she'd one day sleep with him..... that seed is planted in her head, & will germinate till their genitals meet.
In 2019 I would have called you stupid for this comment but since I have become wiser this new year I know it's ignorance that's your problem, so lemme lecture you a bit. To begin with, not all men fall for any available pussy. Secondly, if that guy is as good as they both claim, then he'll never sleep with that sister. - Except this lady poster is a bitch! #kapeesh
DeleteOga abi na madam king. You’re the daft one because you couldn’t drop your comment and pass. It’s freedom of speech!
DeleteHmmm, do not let your bf go oo. And what kind of better prob sef, that you are prolonging it to your own detriment.
ReplyDeleteGirl please, get yourself together ASAP, get close to your man and codedly investigate his friendship with your sister. At this time do not drift away instead move closer to him. Use your head, use your head, not your racing emotions and pranoi
Poster ur sis has a thing for this guy. And truth be told u don’t particularly like him. I think u should let him go. There are too many doubts. If ur sister goes for him then so be it. Wish her well and move on. The truth is that u don’t like him. It’s diceybut I think that’s the best thing
ReplyDeleteYou better cut that man off cos your sister wants him and it looks like she will have him either as your husband or her brother in law.
ReplyDeleteHow many red flags do you need? 🙄
please break up with that man and let ur sister have him. Imagine nonsense!
ReplyDeleteI swear! Arrant nonsense.
DeleteFunny thing is, Dude looks great in the eyes of the sis. The moment big sis walks away, junior sis will start loosing interest and prolly walk to. There are people who just want what you have, the moment you loose interest, they dump it also.
DeletePlease leave him for your sister. Try not to fret.
This your sister sef,na wa for her.How can she be this close to her brother in law to be?🤨
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you what I think;
You don't love this guy and you are scared of losing him to your sister because from your narrative,she loves him and wants you to get Married to him so that she can have him closer....easy access!
Why don't you warn your sister to stay away from your man and tell him to stay away from your sister.Tell him you are not comfortable with their friendship.
If they continue,let go of that guy and move on.
It is one thing for your to lust after your man and it is another thing if he's enjoying it.
Make dem no poison you because of man.
Goodluck.
Imagine your younger sister have the gut to tell it to your face that she is interested in your man, what nonesense? For her to be this bold, they are dating already no doubt about that.
ReplyDeleteIf you are having doubts about your bf, let him go. If your sister has any atom of shame in her, she would let him go too. You'll be making a fatal mistake if you cling on to him for fear of letting your sister have him if you let him go. You are setting up yourself for years of unhappiness.
ReplyDeleteAgain, if you feel he is not meant for you, let him go. Your sister is really bold and daring. Na wa.
sometimes I wonder how people reasons on dis blog. I feel Stella shld stop using red pen cos the moment Stella uses her read pen ,most of bvs just reason along the line.
ReplyDeleteposter,I felt you have that guy wen you think you need a boyfriend but you keep comparing him with ur exes and you never give him the attention required and you are not even proud of him hence you decided not to take him home but he sister see great potential in dis guy cos she is always there wen you left the guy alone. she is even more closer to the guy Moe than you. she is not dating him or cheating but she was trying to let you see how great the guy could be and that was the reason she even carried ur daddy along and ur daddy requested to see the guy. take a time and be friend to the guy and enjoy ur relationship. ur sister is just a kind person that want the best for you. my opinion
Choi! Even the guy is a BV.
DeleteYou are her sister. Period.
Delete20 likes
DeleteAnon 15:48 Thank you o. I don't know why people don't have the mind of their own
DeleteSister in law u are welcome oo🙄🙄
Delete1000 likes, all I see is a harmless bold baby sis, letting big sis know how great her guy is .. .
DeleteU think if she was sleeping with him, she will involve ur Dad already?? Mtcheww
A man that hasn't proposed to you,you,your sister, and your dad have already started planning for marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhy the rush?
Why can't you study them and find out the truth before talking about marriage.
Talk to your guy and also test him to see if he prefers your sis. Don’t go and set him up with temptation oh!
ReplyDeleteI think you should be bold to tell your sis to stay away from your man. Tell her that you are not comfortable period. Say it as it is in your mind don’t hide your feelings. If you keep being mute and acting in suspicion you will lose out. And any moment you make your feelings known they will wonder why u never spoke up since
Say what is in your mind and don’t marry him just because they said he is a good man. Discover him for yourself bond with him and make sure u have deep love and respect for each other before you walk down the aisle
Do ur findings probably...Be close to your man n your sis...from there so u trace anything foul...your sister is reall crazy aswear
ReplyDeleteYou won't drop, you won't hold. What's your own sef? If there's anything between them, your sister won't be that bold. She wants to push you to action. But if you don't want this guy why not give way? Na waoh
ReplyDeleteThere's a family in PH, a very rich man. He married two blood sisters. Younger one came for omugwo with their Mum and got pregnant for the sister's husband. The man had about 8wives. You can play sister wives 😊
ReplyDeleteLeviticus 18:18 "'Do not take your wife's sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living.
DeleteHe loves me, he loves me not. Is this Chinese checkers or your life? Make up your own mind and take a decision. A suitor visited his girlfriend for the first time, changed his mind after meeting the younger sister to his babe. Today they are married and everyone is happy- or so it seems. Elder sis yet to marry after over 10yrs.
ReplyDeleteNa wa o! Elder sis is most likely traumatized by the experience. Both guy and sister are wicked!
DeleteI'm sorry, but this shows me more about your family than your relationships. I'm just imagining my sister telling my dad such bull crap, she'd be buried that day. Our dad will make sure of it, regardless of how friendly he is. There's no respect or loyalty in your family. More like y'all were left to fend for and raise yourselves, that's why you can approach your dad with any type of nonsense.
ReplyDeleteMy take, those two are going at it under your nose. I mean they are sleeping together. She wants you to marry him so that he can be closer. Again, although she says she will marry him, but she doesn't want to be called the bad one for marrying her sister's ex, that's why she wants you to be the one to keep him in the family.
It takes two to tango. So have you asked yourself why she had the boldness to say she will marry him? That's because it's something they've discussed at some point behind you.
If i were you, I'll warn them individually and maybe collectively that i don't like their closeness and insist on it. Check their reactions and that will help you decide if you'll do away with him or not. But something your sister should know if they eventually date is that, a man who will two time two sisters will have many more side chics outside. So she should get ready.
By the way, babe you're slow o. See the way your sister is just matching your head any how.
In the mid 1970s, Augustus ( not his real name )a student of college of education Abraka was sent to Itohan Grammer School for teaching practice, he met and fell in love with one of the students named Venice ( not her real name. At the end of his teaching practice Augustus went back to school. He visited Venice often but she always never at home, even when she was she asked the children in the house to lie to Augustus. Venice' elder sister Doris ( not her real name) was mostly around to receive and entertain Augustus. They became very close friends. Within a year Doris became pregnant for Augustus. They got married months after and went on to have 6 children. Augustus later went to one of the premier universities in the south west, got 4 jobs within weeks of graduating and picked on.He retired as the director of operations in one of two biggest brewery in our country. While he was schooling, his wife took care of the home front. Venice didn't talk to Augustus for over a decade because she believed he betrayed her. This happened, l witnessed it. Forgive my errors please.
DeleteYoung lady search yourself for answers and free your sister before it gets to the point of hating and harming her. I beg you. You allowed the closeness, deal with it. Like your boyfriend, Augustus was from a relatively poor home
She should just let the guy go. Let them have each other because it will be more disastrous if she marries him and BIL and SIL are at it in their matrimonial home.
DeletePlease leave them and take a walk. It’s still safe for you now.
If I were you I will get a camera and fix in the house then see things by myself. I feel they are friends with benefit and your sister has fallen in love with him.
ReplyDeleteYour sister does not just like your bf,she is envious of you.if you marry she will try and seduuce yourhubby.
ReplyDeleteShe is a pretender and does not want you to be happy,
So it's not about this particular guy,but about her personality,
You are not seeing through her Cos u are blinded by love.
Poster,i think you should break up with the guy and expect the worse.just watch how soon they will begin to open up their relationship.you will be shocked.your sister is already sleeping with him..and another important thing is they will not get married.the guy will not marry her even after they make it open.
ReplyDeletethen you will find out that the guy doesn't deserve you.
Love your sister but be very careful.if you eventually marry that guy,just know that your sister is a co wife and they can both kill you someday
Your sister is having something with your boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think the Sister has slept with him. I think she’s only doing and saying all these to wake her Sister up from her slumber. Her Sister, just wants her not to let a good guy go.
ReplyDeletePoster, the decision is yours to make. Stop wasting time. Life is not stagnant. If you see potential in this guy, go ahead and marry him.
Sister inlaw welcome
DeletePoster your sister might not be doing anything with your bf, but for you not to trust her to that point, maybe her character is questionable
ReplyDeleteThere this friend of mine, the sister based in UK and she goes there to visit, the kind of relationship the both have is questionable, but the sister is always so happy
For instance she posted a video, where she came from the airport, and the sis ran to her, while the sis hubby was videoing, they hug themselves and the sister rushed to her husband got the phone and was screaming, i know you missed your love, the sister ran up, and hug her sister husband, that one carried her up while swinging her, then she kissed the sister husband on the lips, all this while the sister is videoing and laughing, cheering them up happily. And that girl i know can never and will never sleep with the sis husband. people have different ways of being close to people. just relax. forgive my typo
The girl can never sleep with the sister's husband, right?
DeleteMy dear in this life never you vouch for anybody!!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think you should give him a break and see what happens. If he hooks up with your sister, no wahala, he was never really yours. As my mother used to pray for me: "May God give you your own husband and not another person's own".
ReplyDeleteFamily or not, you can't be all up in my personal business like that no I don't do that. I get that you guys are close but who talks like that? You already have doubts. Take a break from your boyfriend, if your sister makes good on her promise, give thanks to God and give them your blessings. He wasn't yours in the first place.
ReplyDeleteIf you don’t like the guy please break up with him. I don’t believe in stringing people along.
ReplyDeleteAbout your sister, how close are you to her or your family members? The reason I’m asking this is because I see no harm in you asking her candidly her true feelings for your boyfriend. All insecurities aside she may just be hyping him to ensure you guys end up together. I believe someone who doesn’t want to get married is extolling the qualities in a man to the point she can consider going back on her words, is doing so to make you see how awesome he is. She may simply just want the best for you and is being aggressive about it. I may be wrong but that’s how I feel.
I personally don’t think it’s everything you bring to outsiders to “judge”. See how people who don’t know you and your sister are so confident she’s sleeping with/dating your boyfriend. That’s how family members lose their bond.
Talk to your sister as plainly and openly as possible. Watch her body language. Decide your future with the guy based on your feelings for him and not what others have to say about him.
May God tighten the bond between you and your siblings and give you the wisdom to make good life choices.
Ivannah
👏👏👏
DeleteIf you don’t like the guy please break up with him. I don’t believe in stringing people along.
ReplyDeleteAbout your sister, how close are you to her or your family members? The reason I’m asking this is because I see no harm in you asking her candidly her true feelings for your boyfriend. All insecurities aside she may just be hyping him to ensure you guys end up together. I believe someone who doesn’t want to get married is extolling the qualities in a man to the point she can consider going back on her words, is doing so to make you see how awesome he is. She may simply just want the best for you and is being aggressive about it. I may be wrong but that’s how I feel.
I personally don’t think it’s everything you bring to outsiders to “judge”. See how people who don’t know you and your sister are so confident she’s sleeping with/dating your boyfriend. That’s how family members lose their bond.
Talk to your sister as plainly and openly as possible. Watch her body language. Decide your future with the guy based on your feelings for him and not what others have to say about him.
May God tighten the bond between you and your siblings and give you the wisdom to make good life choices.
Ivannah
Balanced comment.
Delete@poster, una be Bini babes abi?
ReplyDeleteThis story sounds like my elder sister and I 9 years ago. She had been through all sorts of crazy relationships and was the kind of person who wanted the love and rich boy combo. Me? I was that independent younger sister who saw through everyone and didnt care about love and relationships (at the time).
ReplyDeleteSo she met this guy, a struggling young banker, and I could tell right away he honestly wanted her and loved her. She was always convinced he was cheating if he stayed late at work before coming to see her. She would go through his phone and raid his house looking for 'evidence', which she never found (except old texts). Because she had been through a lot, she didnt believe anyone could be that honest. Me sha, I was the praise singer, I tried everything I could to convince her to marry him because I was sure he was a good person and I was comfortable with him. I called him sweetheart and love and darling. I would push her to go out with him on dates and stay with him when he comes to see her at home and she would abandon him in the living room. I just wanted it to work for her.
Fast forward to present, they have been married 9 years, they are comfortable and doing very well, I still call him sweetheart, my sister and I are still besties and she has told me several times that marrying him was the best decision she ever made.
Poster,I will not say don't be vigilant but don't demonize your sister. She may just think she is trying to push you to what's best for you.
👏👏👏
Delete@15.48 & Roses 11.07 the best and sensible comments so far. Stella be misleading y'all with her immature,biased & devilish opinions on ish when she's not an exposed lady claiming to be one. I sincerely pity u her "fans" ass-lickers.
ReplyDelete