STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED RELATIONSHIP
Dear Stella,
Kindly hide my identity. I'm a 36yrs old woman.
I'm currently in a confused relationship . I have a partner who would not call. He only responds to the messages i send via whatsapp. What i mean is that if i don't initiate conversations he will just be silent with no phone calls, no text no communication.
The only time he calls or keeps in touch is if i am having challenges at work. He could call me like 5times a day and ready to go extra mile for me if i inform him of any issues in my office. He recently got me a contract of half a billion so that i will be promoted in my office because he feels I'm not earning enough and he wants me to be at top of my career. He's a CEO in his company and well connected in his chosen profession.
Even though we are both in Lagos, The last time i saw him is in October 2019. He's always saying he is busy. I broke up with him earlier in 2019 because of his non challant attitude to my feelings. No phone calls no text and he begged me profusely. His blood pressure became high sef . But he didn't change. If i threaten to quit the relationship he will be begging me. He doesn't want to lose me, this i sincerely know. May be it's because of ego i don't know and yet he will not call me.
How do i manage a relationship where my lover is only interested in my career growth and success in life but insensitive to my feelings?
*Why dont you just use him well to advance your career and build your mind as well that the Relationship is going nowhere?He might not love you but is interested in helping you become strong financially.
Concentrate on your work and building yourself and try to also appear busy and unavailable to him and may be he will come running...
Some men do not like clingy women who nag... try a different tactic or face your work!.....Infact face your work!!!
So did they promote you after you got the contract?
Leave that married man alone love.
ReplyDeleteHe might not be married oh, there are single guys who behave like that
DeleteGod bless you @ Doppel for your comment....
DeleteThe nigga is married with kids....
@ poster, use the man to build your career and life, do not get emotional with him
Doppelganger,welcome back.where have you been?
DeleteHe's not married. I had a boyfriend like that. The truth is that the man has not seen the qualities he desires in you and he has no feelings for you. If he did, he'd respect you and definitely be the one doing the calling. I had to break off the relationship and he didn't care. When he finally decided to seriously come after me and beg for us to come back together, I had moved on. So poster, if you can continue dating an emotionally unavailable man, it's up to you
DeleteStella ehnš, hapu nno ihe ozo na aju ihe ozo.
DeleteI am sorry poster but he is just not that into you, don't force it, just be open to other options you hear.
Anonymous 15:46 Had someone like that back in the University and exactly the same thing happened between us. In my own case when he came back I was already planning my wedding, I cried his eyes out and told me he won't be able to find another like me. Almost ten years later he is still unmarried.Guys sometimes don't know what they want.
DeletePoster please face your carry and move on from him.
36yrs hanty is still asking questions like a teen....Pls give us full details of this CEO.the man is very much married which you know and try to play ignorant of the obvious fact.try as much as you can to build your self with his benevolent connection and don't forget your age.
DeleteI think you should also form busy. He is willing to see you grow in your career, grab the help. Don't act like you don't have anything doing calling or texting him.
DeleteSome women r Mantle of Peace, just having them ard gives so much peace, u dont need to b in contact 24/7 but d tot Kemi is my gal gives them that satisfaction and peace of mind
DeleteSweetheart he is married and in love with his wife, he doesn't want to leave or come close cos u may b a challenge to his lovely wife
Be rest assured this man will give u d World only if u RESPECT his space..
He might not be married, i dated someone like this before, i just had to walk away. At a point i felt he was married, but he wasn't
DeleteGbam! Doppler said it all!
DeleteEmotionally Unavailable Men
DeleteDue to marriage
Lack of feelings for the lady
Or due to sociopathic, narcissistic tendencies
He may not be married,iv dated someone like this before. In my own case he was still in love with his ex so he couldn't emotionally connect with me. We were also different religion so marriage may not have even worked. His ex was Moslem like him.
DeleteI just took my leave abeg. And they always come back when you are no longer giving them that attention. By then you have moved on and met someone else. This one even form cry when I told him im getting married cos he lost on both sides. The ex didn't take him back and I also found someone else.
He is not married, he is just too busy, I'm like that and most successful men are like that. Can't you see that he was able to give her a contract worth 500 million? You think a lazy man that has all his time for a woman can do that?
DeleteOctober!!! Madam you re dating yourself walayi. Plus it's obvious the man is married...
ReplyDeleteMy dear are you me? Or I'm I you? I was in this same situatioship for like 5 years. My dear take Stella's advice please.
ReplyDeleteSounds like me but the difference is he neither calls even if if trailer jam person. More like a situationship. Communication is strictly by WhatsApp. Misbehaving since December. Not like I have asked him for any favour. Person wey stingy with calling abi na texting, does that one look like who can give woman anything?
DeleteClaiming work and being busy.
Lol@ trailer jam person.
DeleteThats what guys call "soft landing"
š¹š¹š¹š¹
Deletešššš@ trailer jam person ššš
DeleteI have been in this situation. This one went back to his baby mama and I didn't know.
DeleteSo I was just dating myself. Once communication and visits reduce. Trust me there is another woman involved.
15:37 this your man sounds like Eddie O in Abuja..š¤£š¤£š¤£
DeleteThat man is very married. Use your sense ,Alot of married men this days deny being married just to fuck outside,So leave him alone and face your life.
ReplyDeleteThe man is married to the teeth but wants to keep you.
DeleteHe likes you but not enough to break his marriage.
Get busy too and maybe someone who loves you truly might come.
The man is married with a rock solid marriage. He is very satisfied in his marriage but keeps you on the side, poster. He likes you but values his marriage more. Take it or leave it.
DeleteEven Mama Stella is interested in your financial growth too... Your last question made me laughš
ReplyDeleteDear poster I hope he doesn't have a family somewhere else and he sees you as a dear friend because I don't understand this situation at all.
I laughed so hard ehn at the last question.
DeleteSo you will include yourself with those in a genome relationship? Sis, you are dating yourself.
ReplyDeleteAny man who loves you truly will drive you insane with calls and not just watsap messages.
Helping you get connections and all is not all there is to a relationship...it’s more than that. You last saw him in october, yet both live in same city.
At this stage of your life, you shouldn’t waste time with such a person.
Call of the relationship and allow real men in, not some connection man š
Did you help check his blood pressure or he told you so? All these emotional blackmailers.
Get a real man please.
SluttyChic, "Any man who truly loves your would drive you insane with calls..." that's just not true! Is he a jobless man?
DeleteThe guy is married but aunty does not want to tell us about it.
DeleteNo visit since October. Aunty that man has a woman. So no visit during Christmas?
DeleteEven married men give their side-chicks more time and attention.
My dear, don't be dulling. Use the man to advance your career, get plenty money while you date other people.
ReplyDeleteJust know that the man is fully married with kids!
All you USERS!!
DeleteHow about ending the relationship and moving on, must you use him? You can see the mindset of the average Nigerian. Very shameful.
Don’t mind that anon Elle, always looking for who to use. That’s how low some of them can be.
DeleteElle, thank you very much. If it was a guy they would be very quick at calling him a user! This double standard stinks!
DeleteYou see how evil and self centered you guys are? Imagine if this is coming from a man, that's why most of you won't stop participating in SnM because of your evil mindset..
DeleteShame on you people.
It's quite unfortunate that lots of people believe in a quid pro quo relationship,
DeleteThere by ruining their chances to find a good partner ,
Y'all screaming use him I hope you dknt have male relatives.
Give him the silent treatment just like his giving you. Dont drop messages. Dont call. Go an enjoyment spree and post sexy pictures that he will see. Also post mad work related pictures that will turn his head since he likes career. Like career workshops looking hot. Make sure you go and hang out in exotic places. He will come around. Am sure his been broken in the past by someone very dear to him and his scared to commit his all. He might also be gay though. Qualities described up there are signals. Whatever the situation is he his definitely passing through a phase. Hope he his not depressed. So many silent issues with this man.
ReplyDeleteYou actually dont know him at all.
Come around ke? A man that is sooooo married, nne pls move on.
DeleteAll this for a man? Why not look hot and take sexy pictures because YOU want to?
DeleteYou see the signs of a married man you are saying u r in a relationship. He is a CEO of a company and he is not married? Not saying is not possible o but from what I am reading up there, he is very married!!! He is not responding bcos he does not want to explain "who is online honey" to ask him any questions. He would rather text. Also dont use him to climb anywhere in your career abeg. No matter how bad people treat u, never pay them back. There is a God in heaven. He sees it all. Have a seat with him and let him open up to u. Mr CEO is married.
ReplyDeleteHave you guys thought about the fact that the poster probably knows he's married?maybe we should ask her in other not to jump into conclusions.
DeletePoster,Stella have said it all..use him to climb to d top and forget about building a relationship with him,it's better for u to let d feelings go now to avoid stories that touch later!
ReplyDeleteI still maintain that,communication is d bedrock of any relationship
What if
DeleteShe is a side chic ?
But doesn't just know it, and he just has special interest in her cos of her good virtues,
What if he's a married man but she's unaware of this and he isnt telling her cos he doesn't want to ruin what they've pending when he'd get bored and move on to the next one?
Or what if she knows he's encumbered but in denial and just wants to be with him at all costs?
Money would never make me settle for less than I deserve .
NEVER EVER.
His he married? You carefully took out this info. How old are you guys as well. Someone given you billion naira deal def is not a small boy. Poster. You dont know this guy. His he divorced? Poster you left out lot of infos in this your narrative. Plenty. You only want to know how to hook him. A whole Detty December you did not see your boo that got you a billion naira deal.
ReplyDelete*Is
DeleteGo back and read her narrative, you will know he's married, and this poster knows it.
DeleteMake I ask my ajujus n'ese okwu first o.
ReplyDeleteAre you supplying stolen fork?
What are you doing and what are your goals in this relationship; marriage?šš
How is it that a "CEO of his company" is not married or you aren't telling us about his status?
Supposing he is in his house with his Sisi wife and kids and does not want to be disturbed? ✋š»
Did I sense something like š¤š„š„š£ in this ya tori? š®š®š®
If a man says "he loves you, is in a relationship..." bla bla bla, he does not call, does not take you out for some ighotagonu, is not proud to introduce you to friends...nne, you are in a lone long journey o.
A man can give you every other thing but if he can't give you his heart, he isn't yours.
Even Jesus says that he "will deny before his father those who deny him before men..." and imagine a Christian who does not pray at all?
Looks like you cheapened yourself to him.
Nne, Sisi, close this chapter and let him do the chasing inugo?
After his BP climbs iroko, it will descend.
š®š®š®š®š®
Make I ask my ajujus n'ese okwu first o.
DeleteAre you supplying stolen fork?
What are you doing and what are your goals in this relationship; marriage?šš
How is it that a "CEO of his company" is not married or you aren't telling us about his status?
Supposing he is in his house with his Sisi wife and kids and does not want to be disturbed? ✋š»
Did I sense something like š¤š„š„š£ in this ya tori? š®š®š®
If a man says "he loves you, is in a relationship..." bla bla bla, he does not call, does not take you out for some ighotagonu, is not proud to introduce you to friends...nne, you are in a lone long journey o.
A man can give you every other thing but if he can't give you his heart, he isn't yours.
Even Jesus says that he "will deny before his father those who deny him before men..." and imagine a Christian who does not pray at all?
Looks like you cheapened yourself to him.
Nne, Sisi, close this chapter and let him do the chasing inugo?
After his BP climbs iroko, it will descend.
š®š®š®š®š®
@Bingo
Deletešwoof woofšššššššššššššš
šššššššBingo welcome back
DeleteHappy resumption on your mischievous duties ššš
Sist that man na married man.
ReplyDeleteStella you too much!!! I was also thinking she will tell us about the contract oh!!! Half a billion!!! Babes use him and get a better job Na. Use him and accelerate that career ladder of yours. Yes he might be very busy as a CEO and knowing you will chat him up , he will be waiting tactically for your chat.
ReplyDeleteForm busy too, in fact put your own for gear 4, what will be will be las las!!!
Just read what you wrote up there "Babe use him and get a better job na". I can't imagine the kind of things ladies on this blog write. If the tables were turned around, would you be asking a guy to use a lady?
DeleteAnon, I tell you. Very wicked ppl we have here.
DeleteChronicles like this expose the kind of people most of you are. You're all a user. That's the same thing you all look out for, who to use but when table turned on you, start shouting men are scum.
DeleteShame on you people
Narcissistic! Ego
ReplyDeleteWhat has the guy done to show these traits. I wonder what most of you use in thinking.
DeleteBeing that he is a CEO, he may be work oriented and don't like pleasures
ReplyDeleteNne, it looks to me like you are anti-hypertensive (drug) to this man oo
ReplyDeleteš®š®š®š®š®š®š®š®
ššššš
DeleteEzigbote Antidote
Beta blocker
Peace giver
Spirit calmer ššš
She is doctor's prescription ššš
That's their latest MO
DeleteMethod of operation
Don't increase blood pressure to coerce the woman to do somethings
USE him to advance your career..!
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of advice is that? Would you want someome to use you that way? Let's try and be fair na.
Look at you. The guy doesn't call or chat up but shows interest in her career success???? So she should not access that??? OK oh. NNE biko use him jorr
DeleteAnonymous 15:53, would you want someone to use your brother(s) or son? We don't personalize advice when we give them. If we do, we would be more thoughtful in our advice. How about her ignoring and doing away with him?
Delete15.53 So what? Will you want to be used in such a manner simply because you don't call or chat a person?
Delete16.38 š
DeleteVery funny mindset some have honestly.
I'm wondering
DeleteIf people really go into relationship/marriage for love and companionship these days ,
With the kind of USE HIM advice I've read on this post.
It's a different if they're in a transactional relationship that they're both aware of .
But someone is concerned about not being able to access her MAN while others are concerned about what she can achieve in the interim.
If he offers to help you grow, dont reject it, you can't loose both ways, since his indisposed, get busy and grow yourself, meet other men if you so wish. You'll regret and hate yourself more if you dont gain anything from that relationship.
DeleteMadam Chielo, so everything is about gaining abi? Greed.
DeletePlease don't get me angry, what has greed got to do with what I just saw, a man decides to be emotionally unavailable nd only helps you financially and you say she should reject it as what na??
DeleteIf she came to you broke asking for help, I bet you'll be one of the first people to call her last. Nonsense.
Please dear poster,
ReplyDeleteAlso make your self unavailable, and please no matter how busy a man's schedule is he must always make out time for the woman he loves. This man doesn't love you enough. I suggest you be platonic with him and give another a chance.
He is married? So na married man tou dey call boyfriend?
ReplyDeleteFriend with benefits
ReplyDeleteFriend zone him with no sex,he will care less cos you both rarely see
He is probably married
ReplyDeleteDigital IT boyfriend...
ReplyDeleteAlways charge your phone sha, thats my advice.
Stella, No man like a nagging or clingy woman. And for a lady at 36 to close her eyes and advance her career?š®š®š®š®š®š®š®š®
ReplyDeleteHow about marriage, kids, a happy home? These are the things that make a woman complete. Those that will argue this are those that are most desperate
but seeking these the wrong way.
On this blog they say marriage and having kids are not achievements oooh, so don't say that they make a woman complete. They may make some women complete, but not all women.
DeleteIt's only in Nigeria that marriage and kids make someone complete. Yeah...I see the married women with kids living in abject poverty some with absentee husbands and domestic violence but since they are "complete" they go use am chop. It IS not an achievement abeg. Is people like you that will be dying in silence all in the name I must marry then why does divorce exist??? Rubbish
DeleteHe is a married man. You be ole ooo. If the wife catch you, no be me go talk.
ReplyDeleteYou want the woman to bottle you up abi?
You expect the man to leave his family for you, why not enjoy the connection and look for your own man.
ReplyDeleteYou are 36, hes likely in his 40s, hanty, hes married, keep waiting till menopause.
ReplyDeleteššš
DeleteKai
Hot tears lmao !!!!!
Wakanda advise is this .
Women are their own enemies! Remind us how old you are yourself hanty agbaya!
DeleteReal agbaya
Deletešš these mumu anonymous, are ye hanging onto married men too? Una go reach 40+ n grow old alone if u dint borrow sense from me.
DeleteHe's unavailable! Whatever that means! Emotionally, physically, etc!
ReplyDeleteStop seeing him as a partner in a love relationship with you.
Start seeing him as that well connected friend of yours who will do anything to see you happy and successful!
Every relationship must not be romantic, since you have tried romance and it failed woefully with him, change your mentality in your dealings with him.
Whatever you do, make sure not to lose that man and his connections in your life!
Always have it at the back of your mind that, this is friends with benefits relationship.
Be wise as a serpent.
Start dating other men, go out,have fun, enjoy yourself.
I deh even find such connections sef!
Your 3 line is everything
DeleteYou are very wise.
DeletePoster the man is very married. He is nice tho. You are dating a nice married manš.
ReplyDeleteSo it's okay for her to continue as he is "nice"?
DeleteHis a married man o.
ReplyDeleteLol@ so did they promote you after you got the contract?
ReplyDeletešššššššš
Deletepls can u send us his number!
ReplyDeleteOle!
Deleteposter u are dating urself
ReplyDeleteHe might be married /not married but wants you to attain a certain financial position before he properly acknowledges your r.ship
ReplyDeletePoster does the man's name begin with F?
ReplyDeleteLol...ššš
DeleteLmao
DeletePoster, you know this man better than any bv. Do your own investigations.
ReplyDeleteIt could be you are the one forcing this relationship to be more than it is.
Just keep this relationship platonic and build a lasting friendship instead.
He might not be married.
There are some guys like that in their 40s and 50s that do not want permanent commitment but have a kid or two. Some are scared of being married based on past hurtful relationships. Some only fall in love once in a lifetime and once they are heartbroken, they stay off deep relationships.
I think when most guys get to 40 and above, they rarely commit to serious relationships or marriage.
Above all build your relationship with Jesus Christ.
Do you need a prophet to come and tell you that he is a married man.
ReplyDeleteIts so amazing the way some ladies just switch off their reasoning ability because of love.
That is why its so easy for romance scams to succeed on women.
Someone who claims to love you didn't spend Christmas and new year with you. May not even spend valentines day with you. He is spending those days alone. You better wake up.
As Aunty Stella said, use him to advance your career and your life as far as possible and get a genuine single guy who loves you.
So he gets HBP when you leave but you no de sick when he doesn't call abi?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry honey but any man who truly doesn't want to lose the woman in his life, will not treat her like an option. From your narrative, it means if you don't reach out to him for a couple of months, he too will remain on ghost mode? He wouldn't call to check on you to know how you're doing or even to hear the sound of your voice? Nah! Something is definitely askew somewhere.
ReplyDeleteDarling, I totally understand, the need to delude yourself with self-consolatary words like "I know deep down he loves me", "he worships the ground I walk on", " I know he wouldn't want to lose me" et al, to justify your hanging on to a non existent relationship. I think it's time you told yourself the hard truth. Accept this arrangement for what it is. I wonder why you don't love yourself enough not to be with a man who treats you so poorly. A lady with a healthy dose of self esteem would have waltzed out ages ago. By now you would have been in a loving relationship where you will be the one to ignore his calls because they came at your alone time with your man. You would be too preoccupied to even notice the last time you saw him.
A "lover" who is only interested in your career, is a well wisher, a PLATONIC friend. If you are with a man who is okay with not seeing you, at least, once a week, if both of you stay in the same town, he is occupied with the woman his heart beats for. How can your man not crave being with you? Sweetheart, you are not supposed to manage a relationship. If you do, then what kind of marriage would you have? I still can't understand why you feel obliged to stay and accommodate this self imposed emotional abuse. Being with a man who treats you less than what is acceptable, amounts to you abusing yourself. Your subconscious mind, for whatever reason, believes you can't get a better man. You feel you deserve what you are getting because if you truly believe you deserve better, you wouldn't need to write in. Instinctively, you will know you have to bounce. Who writes in to ask if they should use expired drugs or eat a sour meal?
I don't care how old you are, my love, you are a Queen and you deserve much better. Please value your womanhood and leave this relationship. His blood pressure will normalize, you're not his beta blocker. If you aren't hypertensive in spite of the way he treats you, he has no justification to claim you affect his blood pressure in anyway. That's just cheap emotional blackmail. Respect yourself enough not to allow any form of disrespect.
e-hugs and kisses.
The poster is simply in denial though. She's carried away by his financial status and it makes her feel acomplished to "claim" they are dating! believe me when I say this... I have dated top politicians, very very wealthy and acomplished men ( they type that will fly you to Dubai JUST so you both can go and fuck and come back next day) on Emirates first class and they ALWAYS find time to call. Now wealthy men are super busy so don't expect them to call multiple times a day BUT inmy case they call 3-4 times a week on phone and then the rest of the time we chat/text etc. I don't care if your man is a billnaire (I've dated one), he will FIND time to call and text etc. The fact that this guy does not call or even initiate texts..my dear you "is" on ya own trust me. From experience if you want him to respect you- get busy and STOP bombarding him. wait until he initiates next call/text do not always be the first to do so....
ReplyDeletecontinue dating and flying about with other women's husbands, the chicken will come home to roost one day.
DeleteMumu
DeleteStop stressing yourself over a man not calling, chatting or sending you an sms, you can try and ignore him, also form you too you are so busy than he is and when he finally ask you why you have not been checking up on him you can tell him work pressure with that you can see if he will change.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you can pretend you both are friends while you gain more promotion with his friendship. Fix those you can fix, make good use of your friendship with him while it last.
The reason most of you are stagnant in life is because you have on track minds--everyone you meet must conform in character to already established rules by the society. People are different. The more you hang around successful people, the more you will realize what separates them from others. Whether he is married or not is not a rocket science. It is an information that poster can easily obtain. I have done similar things before. As a matter of fact, if I pick interest in you and you are not a millionaire in about two years, I will ghost you. Yes! I do go out of my way financially and otherwise to push ladies to be successful. One was worried that our first date seemed like a job interview. Well. That's me. Am I crazy? No. Once you understand that there are different kinds of people out in the world, then you will be best fitted to adapt. It is either you can tolerate him or move on. There are someone out there that will tolerate it. Don't listen to those whose only hope for meaningful relationship is SnM to give relationship advice. Nobody gives what she has not.
ReplyDeleteGbam
DeleteThis story sounds like mine..about 2years ago.I wont be surprised its d same guy by the name M******.He was also a company CEO in Lagos.Little or no calls but was always caring financially and was even helping me get job.It was not until I borrowed myself sense and called him one day with serious accusations of him being married (though I had no proof);but felt strongly inside me that he was..probably his family was abroad.He denied vehemently but that was when I guess he knew his game was up and the relationship died a natural.death.
ReplyDeleteSis pls just know that what u have is a partnership.Collect the help he is willing to give but pls dont invest ur emotions and loyalty cos I see it heading nowhere . Bitter truth.
Sis he might not be married,be thankful he wants your carrier to move forward,some lady are praying for supportive men,some men will pull your carrier down,girl first of all he likes you but there was someone before you he prefers,give him time,get busy ,respect his space.i once dated someone like this,I thot he was married but he had kids and so much responsibility in his family,na only him make am,he had a terrible breakup with a girl and relocated to another city before we met, the guy is too lonely,no social life,his friends force him to go out, even me I tire,na me dey initiate chat but gradually he started initiating chats to the extent that we can chat continuously for over a week now stop,then I notice something new,he States telling me where he is going,when he is back from work,what he wants to buy. I form busy,e no easy o but last last my guy con de initiate visit.if I complain small pain he don visit me,he is there emotionally and physically. Las last I notice say my guy don dey like me. I asked about his baby mama he told me she's no more and I no understand the no more but I just give him his space and he is warming up to me gradually
ReplyDelete