STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
DEALING WITH TRAUMA
Good afternoon Stella and Bvs.
Please I need your advice on a particular issue.
How can one deal with the trauma and panic attacks associated a rape or a near-rape incident?
I'm 22 years old and I just graduated from Yabatech this November.
This happened in May this year at about 5am in the morning. On that faithful day, I was on my way to school and I was already late, I needed to get to school on time. I was walking to the bus stop where I will board a bus before a Sienna came along. Anyone who is familiar with Ikorodu axis would know that most private car owners decide to use their cars for public transportation early in the mornings. So I entered the car without even checking. I just turned to see that the person sitting beside me and the one that sat in front were males including the driver.
Before I realized what was happening, my mouth was covered. I was trying to move and breathe. They started strangling my neck and telling me that they will kill me if I don't stay still. They took my phone and ask me to input the password, took my money which includes my transport fare and money I wanted to use to start my project work.
The next thing I heard was "Remove your pant". There, I started begging them that I have not done it before. They started beating seriously till I was so weak. They removed my pant and turned me over to the other side and the first guy was trying to penetrate me through my anus. He didn't even bother about the vagina. He tried and tried and couldn't penetrate before the man who drove the vehicle told him to allow him do it. The man came and tried so hard till feaces came out from my anus.
They started beating me because of that asking me why I pooed on them.
They removed the jacket I was wearing and used it to clean their selves and put me back in the car and drove back to the bus stop to dump me there.
I couldn't walk well for almost two weeks, my whole anus was as if it was on fire for those two weeks.
It's been months now after that incident but I still remember it as if it happened yesterday. Whenever I'm alone, I start crying while picturing what happened even if people are there with me.
Whenever I see a Sienna vehicle or even see a group of guys together, I start developing panic attacks.
Dear Bvs, please advise me. I just graduated and I've lost interest in life already. I just want to be indoors. I don't even want to associate with anyone. I feel so terrible because of that incident. Thank you.
*OMG;I just want to give you a hug cos i dont know what to say to you......
Oh so sorry dear ,please try and see a therapist. You're psychologically down. Talk to people that will help you out on this
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Pple May have told u b4 but I will say it again. Go down on ur knees and praise him!!!! Praise him till ur tears drys cos u r LUCKY!!!! Yes!!!!
DeleteThose guys r Ritualist, if dey had come tru ur anus., that wld have been d last of u, yes strange sickness wld befall u and u die within 6months. Go and pray. Thank ur father u r very very very very lucky. God will heal u dear
Oh my God. I'm so sorry about this. I'll remember you in prayers for total healing of the mind. Oh Goodness!
DeleteDear Poster, I am so sorry this happened to you and the truth of the matter is NONE OF IT IS YOUR FAULT and YOU HAVE TAKEN A WISE STEP BY REACHING OUT. I know it may not be what you will see on this blog but please SEE A PSYCHIATRIST. You've just SURVIVED a traumatic incident and you need to be given the tools to deal with it as you juggle on other challenges of life. No one tells you to read the Bible when you have a headache and no surgeon reads the Bible to you when you need to be cut open. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialise in the ailments and conditions of the mind. It takes them 6 years to graduate medical school and another at least 5 years to specialize after about 2 years of housemanship depending on where they trained. Please go and see these professionals as they can help you navigate this period of trauma and all that may come as time goes on. They are thoroughly professional and would not use your experience to gist, gossip or preach. They will give you needed medication to help your mood and coach you, with the help of psychologists and other therapists on how to navigate the down times and how to even use the strength you realize from surviving to propel you forward. You can then be reading your Bible and drawing close to God while they would handle the rest like your pediatrician or gynecologist would do.
DeleteTell your GP or family doctor that you have suffered a serious trauma that you can't discuss with him but that you need to see a psychiatrist- not a live coach or church counselor or pastor as they are ill-equiped for the job (iya alagbase no be chef, bone setter no be orthopaedic surgeon, babalawo no be doctor). He or she would link you with other professionals like psychologist and coordinate your treatment) and with time you would be fine. You reported symptoms of PTSD, depression and numbing which are better handled by these experts.
With the right tools they give you on how to see the incident and the mindset to have with dealing with the feelings of fear, guilt, shame or intimacy and trust in the future, this will turn from post traumatic stress to post-traumatic growth. Many patients have had that experience/testimony and yours will also be the same by God's grace. I am so thankful that you survived and let me tell you that what those evil people did defines them and not you.
Please look up Healing from Trauma by Jasmin Lee Cory. I have not read it but it was written by a fellow survivor and it has great reviews. Looking it up online will show you other books eg the body keeps score by Peter A. Levine, PhD etc which you may be able to find in Nigeria or download online. If you have someone you can trust who won't blame you or over-spirtualize an already stressful experience, you can share part of the story with them and ask them to assist you with seeking professional help or recruit them as a shoulder to lean on with treatment. I wish you the very best sister. You are a winner.
That’s true, it’s a ritual by a specific cult. It happens from time to time even here in Abuja. Poster I’m so sorry for what you went through. No one deserves to be violated like that. I literally just cried to God on your behalf to heal you. What I’d say even if you don’t feel like is PRAY. Go down on your knees and cry to God too! Praise him, bless him, thank him for sparing your life, cry out with the full strength of your sadness. CURSE YOUR ATTACKERS!! Tell God you forgive them but they shouldn’t go unpunished. When you’re done, rush to the nearest hospital for a check up. There you can narrate to the doctor what happened and tell them you need therapy. The counselors there can help you. You need to be STRONG! Because you are a very strong woman! I’m so proud of you and how you fought! So many others have died or had their destinies stolen and become useless through this.
DeleteFinally ladies, girls, women, please don’t take your safety for granted! Buy pepper spray, a taser or any other means of protecting yourself especially if you go out alone. It can happen at any time; morning, afternoon, night, broad daylight etc. It can also happen to anybody. No one is immune.
I love you so much and I know you’ll heal from this! I’m rooting for you! You have a bright future ahead of you, don’t give up. Hurting will last for a moment but use this experience to get closer to God (I used to be an atheist but I have seen the goodness of God in my life). He’s your father and he really does care for you.
Anon 02.07 please leave a comment saying yes on Sunday laughs for me in the morning if you're based in UK,you appear to have same mental reasoning as me.I don't usually do strange hook ups.My job is my passion,i get this feeling you are in same profession.I'm a female by the way,if you are a man please do not respond.
DeleteAnonymous Bug
Dear poster, thank God for your life! But have you taken steps to prevent HIV? Sounds like the guy injured you since your behind was "on fire". You need to check for HIV, pele 🤗🤗🤗
DeleteSo sorry dear. Please get close to the word of God, it will take away your pain and sorrows.
ReplyDeleteStart studying the word of God my dear, pour your heart to God then start meditating on the word of God. The word of God will renew your mind. Ask God to take away the pain OK. So sorry you had to go through this at this young age. No one deserves this my dear. May God heal your heart my dear.
DeleteThis is heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what some men gain from raping.
Poster, sorry about the horrible incident, I hope you get the help you need soonest. 😔
This is more like ritual. Hope you've told your folks or guardian.
DeleteShe doesn’t need to tell anyone she doesn’t want to! Don’t you know Nigerians??? They may judge her and blame her and before you know it, it may spread when she’s not ready to deal with any public outcry. It has happened to more women than we hear about. She will heal how she wants to, when she wants and when she’s ready.
DeleteLord have mercy......they will never know peace henceforth......that’s how they picked my neighbour, after robbing her, they threw her out of the moving vehicle. She hit her head on the culvert....that’s how mummy favor died last month. Thank God you are alive.......the good Lord will give you inner peace
DeleteIts better they chose anus to your vagina, time will heal you sha, take heart
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE A FUCKING FOOL FOR THIS!
DeleteStella please don’t hide my comment!
Have you ever been constipated?? Like horrible constipated and you try and try and can’t poo?? Now imagine an erect adult pen is trying to penetrate you when you’re not even ready to poo. Imagine how tight that place is! Imagine the pain and horror for someone who hasn’t even had vaginal sex before! I hate you bloody Nigerians! I don’t wish this on my worst enemy if not I would’ve said I hope you get anally raped. Maggot!
Oh dear, this is heartbreaking. How can humans be so wicked? For what they did to you, they will never know peace. Anywhere they go, people will avoid them cos they will always smell like poop. They will never know peace and nothing good will ever come their way. ...till forever.
ReplyDeleteSis, I pray for healing for you.
It's not an easy thing to forget, but with God, you will overcome.
You should talk to a shrink.
Sluttychic.
Amen to smelling like poo.
DeletePlease dear hang on! I know it must be so so tough trust me I KNOW. You have to not give in to the shadows that look as if it is eclipsing you. Please you have to get therapy help. Do not feel embarassed. It helps so much to talk to someone especially a professional. Know this they TRIED to RUIN you but they FAIlED!!!!! You are an overcomer! You are not a victim! You survivED! And they will meet their loo.
ReplyDeleteYes for those of u who go about these acts of abuse! Know this your end will come!
Raise your head up my sweet sweet girl! U are loved here! Please seek professional help. I will be praying for you dear! God bless u!
So sorry for wat happen to you, please rely on Gods word okay.
Deleteoh baby, so sorry you have to go through this.
ReplyDeleteKnow that it's okay to cry. It's very very okay.
I pray you God's strengthen you.
Your story broke me totally. Some people have sold their soul to the devil, this is sickening. The Lord will heal you and strengthen you, amen. I pray those cursed fools suffer till they beg for death.
DeleteTry and change your environment, pray more and see a therapist if you can afford it. For now try not to be alone. Don't let this experience rob you off of your beautiful life ahead. You have a lot to live for ok. So sorry dear!!!
I had an encounter one time in 2011. I was almost raped by a friend. I fought like my life depended on it. I was ready to die than let him succeed.
DeleteIt was so traumatic I couldn’t sleep for weeks. I’d close my eyes and everything would play out. My boyfriend saw hell. Long story
Maybe I’d send my story
Am so sorry for what u r passing thru, there's no easy way to overcome or forget what happened to u but I can assure u it gets easier...sending u warm hugs...
ReplyDeleteOh my dear!!! I don’t even have words. Did you go to a hospital after the incident? You might have gotten a clinical psychologist there for therapy in addition to medical treatment for your behind plus hiv testing.
ReplyDeletePlease also inform one person close to you whom you trust so that they can talk you through this ordeal.
Please know that you will be fine and everything will be fine. This incident is not the end of you. This might sound generic but pray to God to heal your body, your heart and your psyche. His word says that he will not despise a broken spirit and a contrite heart. I know you feel so broken at this time.
And you know the beautiful thing? God uses time to heal wounds we never thought we could heal from. With time, my dear, all of this will be distant memory.
So sorry about this, God will give you the peace that your heart desires
ReplyDeleteI speak peace into your life in Jesus name, receive strength to forget your past and get over your pains in Jesus name, amen.
ReplyDeleteJesus is a healer darling, I am spiritual because what you experience is very traumatic, I'll advice you see a genuine man of God for prayers and closure, to avoid been depressed when alone, please join any department in church, and begin attend church regularly, read your Bible more often, you will feel at ease, sending you E-hugs.
With love always,
Iya Nimi.
This sent chills down my spine as i also join unkown vehicles especially sienna to work early hours of the morning everyday to work some few months back.
DeleteThis could have been anybody,i am so sorry for what they did to you.If you can,please get an hostel close to school. God will judge their entire generation
Poster so sorry over what happened to you. You need more time, with time you will heal properly from it.
ReplyDeleteTry and talk to a trusted person or your family members so that they can help you to recover soon. If you stay indoors it wil affect you more. Go out, hang out but avoid talkative friends. Make sure you keep this incident away from your friends before they use it against you to mock you so day.
Give it more time you will be alright.
Na wa this one loud oo
ReplyDeleteSo sorry
ReplyDeleteHey girl- download an app called weheartit. There are so many Christian and other inspirational quotes, pictures etc there. Do not let life take over you, take over it! God won’t let you down,ask him in prayer for a relocation opportunity. Get away from those same places to wipe it off your memory faster... it is well in Jesus name.
ReplyDeleteNear rape?
ReplyDeleteHave had it .single attacker. I slapped him... But I forgave him.
It's very important to forgive.
Next; I found a Jesus-loving soul to talk to and lean on- that's my aunt.
Next...i separated myself to mourn -fast/pray/Word of God.
I was totally healed in a matter of weeks.
The rapist should have the shame and fear and not you dear.
And be richer in wisdom; don't hop into any dudes car. Don't be in secluded places with any dude.
Ndoo o.o😘😘😘😘😰💝💝💝
ANG, na wah for you ooo!
DeleteEverything must be about you, right????
You are so shameless!
Yea, I was on the go when I typed the above on phone.
DeleteUna know say I no sabi pikom pikom for phone...
Beloved, the earlier you open up to a God fearing lady
with good knowledge of the Scriptures, the better. You can
seek to discuss with sdk if you can't find anyone else. You need
strength and the Word of God is there. Please if you haven't been reading
the Scriptures, especially the teachings of Jesus, begin so today.
The Words in such books like Matthew 5-7, Romans chapter 8, Hebrews 12 etc.
comforted me greatly.
And please, be sure to see a doctor, gynecologist preferably and female preferably. Yes, Body fluids have
been exchanged and those duded have been doing it.You need to be thoroughly checked and
treated/given prophylaxis if need be. Just to avoid this sorrow showing up tomorrow as an STI. You can
go to a teaching hospital and ask to see a lady gynecologist (a referral letter from a doctor
will do -just for "check up").
Stay safe and well dear.
I hope my friends Naija girls will learn from your story. If any dude parks any
exotic car in any female hostel in Nigerian campuses, he will pack it full will
girls even in the boot. 😮😮😮
It is quite appalling. Yours was a mistake which I believe you've learnt from
ANG.
DeleteThis is not the time for you to cast blames and look for moral lessons. She is already beating herself up and feels terrible about what happened. Saying that you hope Naija girls will learn from her story seems like you're implying it was her fault. Did she deliberately seek out an exotic car to ride in? Hers was an incident that could have happened to anyone. Anyone at all.
Moreover, that you had a "near rape" incident and you were healed in "a matter of weeks" doesn't mean the poster's case will be the same. Comparing your story to hers makes light of her situation and is a bit inconsiderate. People heal in different ways and at different paces. No two minds are the same. Yes, she should talk to God, but she may not heal as fast as you did and it doesn't make her less of a person or Christian if she doesn't,as you have implied up there.
And telling her to be "richer in wisdom". How much more criticalcan you be? Gosh!
Your comment really pained me and I really pray that you learn to be a lot more sensitive with your words instead of judgemental.
@Mistique
DeleteI don't think you read my comment to understand. Once you saw it was "ANG" you unleashed your arrows and gunshots.
Let me paste only my last sentence perhaps you'd go back to read to understand and not to "judge" and execute.
Yours was a mistake which I believe you've learnt from
Did you read that line; where I told her that hers WAS A MISTAKE WHICH I BELIEVE SHE HAS LEARNT FROM?
There are lessons to learn from her story and if you come here only to shoot arrows, sorry;
Lessons;
1. When I don't drive, I won't enter any strangers car that is not a registered taxi, even if it was filled with ladies.
In fact, I prefer to enter the bus when I'm not driving. And let me tell you another thing I do. Before I enter
a taxi, I snap the number plate and send it to my husband's phone.
2. Patience -I will rather be late for an appointment that do the number 1 above.
3. Yes, this girl has had an experience and experiences are meant to make us richer in wisdom.
If you have ever been faced by a person intent on raping you, you won't type that thing you typed up there.
I hope you Mystique find some peace in your soul and come here with intent on learning instead of attacks.😘😘
ANG,you are so judgmental and you believe you are better than everyone because you read bible and know it inside out.Would Jesus have typed all this you did?All this judgement is not what will open the gates of Heaven cos Nigerian Christians think they are better than every other person.We are all sinners and Jesus wasn’t harsh or judgmental like the way you naija so called Christians parade yourselves.
DeleteHaba ANG!This is not a case of comparison.She needs help.Someone was raped and is having panic attacks and you are using it as a moral lesson to naija girls.This is one of the reasons rape victims do not speak out because of people like you that stylishly blame them in the name of being sanctimonious!
DeleteAs if she deserved to be raped because she entered fine car.
No one deserves to be violated sexually without their consent anywhere!
Let your words heal not hurt abeg.
Poster please know that you will heal and this too will pass. You did not deserve this and it is not your fault okay? You need to go to the hospital for STI and HIV screening please,its not too late just go.If you can visit a psychotherapist please do and know that the devil came to steal,kill and destroy do not let the devil steal your mental state,God came to give you LIFE,ask the holy spirit to give you LIFE and heal you completely.
When our naija society has made us blame ourselves for things like this.
In saner countries there are secure bus services even in rural locations running 24hours with video surveillance bringing everyone to wherever they are going.
Who would need to enter someone's car anywhere when people with cars sef are using the bus or train.
Ehugs poster.
I don't understand all these attack on ANG. I had to read her comments again and read what the girl asked.
Delete"How can one deal with the trauma and panic attacks associated a rape or a near-rape incident?"
ANG had told us that she had been in a near rape incident and all she did was answer this girl's question on how she overcame.
If she said she overcame it in a few weeks, why don't you allow this poster to take the steps she took and also overcome. Has any of you commenting been in a rape or near rape situation?I guess those that have issues with what she writes are the ones that have a bias.
@ 20.19, If you see nothing wrong in what she wrote then you are obviously ANG.
DeleteWhere is the lesson here? There is absolutely no lesson but Ang is too senseless and obsessed with Naija girls that she is always misyarning. This could have happened in a danfo bus, on a bike, keke napep, registered taxi, uber. I repeat It can happen anywhere maybe except for BRT. And how do you get to the BRT bus station? Develop wings and fly or jog. Except you are saying the lesson is every one should own a car and never take transport which is not possible.
What of those that enter one chance buses and get robbed, raped and killed. We read it all the time!!! So keep your stupid lessons to yourself.
People even get raped in their homes so what are we talking about. My neighbour's wife and first daughter were raped right in front of the man. He moved out about a month after.
Times are so evil that these people even plant women in their vehicles. We can only pray, try to be vigilant and ask God for protection.
I was rushing to court one morning about 10 years ago, after waiting at ketu bus stop forever, I decided to board a private vehicle cuz I had to be in court by 9am. So this isn't about accepting lift from strangers. The driver was sourcing for passengers and we all rushed to enter. After entering, I realized it was all these dollar in the trunk and Alhaji people. Let us all go and share dollar yen yen yen, God was on my side as I was sitting at the extreme edge. I jumped off at Oworoshoki and they sped off.
I ask again how careful can one be? This is not the time for silly moral lessons.You lack wisdom in it's entirety and you should be the one learning, ITK holier than thou.
"Before I enter I snap the plate number and send to my husband's phone", this one na talk? So what if you send to your husband's phone? All these shit don't work in naija, wake up from your self righteous sanctimonious slumber. People remove plate numbers and change them or ditch them. How many stolen cars do they recover in Nigeria? After sending to your husband, will that prevent them from harming you if they intend to? Mstchew. It is God that has kept you safe, let that sink in!!!
DeleteThis ang is an asshole,so you read this narratives and yet there is no single pity in your heart,what do you mean you hope she has learned from this,exotic car blah blah blah naija sisi.What happened to the poster was not her fault,nobody should even get blamed for getting raped in any circumstances,this poster is already beating herself up,this your comment no gell at all as always***** poster please do not discuss this your terrible ordeal with any friend,a friend will tell another friend that will tell another,come here in anon mode,express your feelings and read feedbacks,and please see a psychiatrist,fight the thoughts going through your mind and be determined to heal from all these,yes it is traumatic,it's going to be hard getting over but please do try,and get yourself checked and treated.
DeleteAnonymous Bug
I hail you all knowing Ang, the omniknoweth, aka it has happened to me too. It must always be about you. I have an acquaintance like you, she is all knowing too. Law she is there, medicine she knows, agriculture she knows, foootball nko, politics she knows, parenting she became a veteran even even after just birthing 1 child, accounting she knows, she knows original human hair, lace. She knows absolutely everything and must always dominate a conversation and talk thrash.
DeleteSorry about that poster.i pray you find healing.ladies be careful when boarding a taxi
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your ordeal darling. What you need is professional help(Therapy) but it's not readily available in Nigeria. My suggestion is that you use Google. Ask Google in several ways. Read and read and read. Don't give up. Support it with prayers. Have the believe that there is nothing you can't overcome. Including this one. God help you.
ReplyDeleteDear poster sending you ehugs. We have Trauma Healing experts in Nigeria. I hot trained andgot qualified.
DeleteBut you are in Lagos so its good. Go to Bible Society office they have Trauma Healing facilitators there ask for One. The lady in charge is very good. Her name is Yinka. I hope you take this steps. She will walk you through the process.
Yes you need prayers. But these people are experts and will walk through it with you.
You will be fine.
May God heal you completely body and spirit. Amen.
Who is talking about all those your faith-based therapy?
DeleteThanks for this, though I'm not the poster.
DeleteMy God!!!
ReplyDeleteOh... poor baby.
My darling, You need therapy and serious prayers.
My dear, have you spoken to anyone about this? You cant keep this to yourself. Please, at the very least go to the Yaba left hospital. They have counsellors on standby there and it almost free. If you ask they would direct you. You definitely cant bottle it all up. Please speak up
Please 🙏🙏
And also poster please see a doctor to rule out any infection or get early treatment.
DeleteOh mine
ReplyDeletemy heart breaks as i read through.
I'm so sorry for what you went through:highly pathetic.
please pray violently to God, for only him can give your soul healing .
My dear it's WELL WITH YOUR SOUL.
so sorry darling...may God heal you completely.... God bless you
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about this. I can't imagine the pain and trauma you went through. You need therapy to get over this panic attacks. I don't know much about this but maybe bvs can help with information about this. That God for something as basic as poo.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the motive behind kidnaping a woman for anal rape? Man! This is crazy. What's going on?
ReplyDeleteSo sorry. Open your heart to God,forgive the attackers, avoid blaming yourself and get a trusted counsellor to talk to.
ReplyDeletePoor baby. So so sorry about your experience. I'm so sorry. I feel like holding you tight and just hugging you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read this. Let the word of God be your guide. This too shall pass. Warm hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry dear! Its not your fault this happened to you. Everything will be fine dear.
ReplyDeleteTry n see a therapist
ReplyDeleteAm so sorry dear, please try and go for therapy,rape is what i won't wish even my enemy.
ReplyDeleteI pray those guys meet their water loo soonest
Hmm.... Therapy in Nigeria...I know there are some therapists in this country but as for me, to be honest I've only seen them in movies. I may be wrong but I think Psychological Counselling in Nigeria mostly takes place in the church setting and that's good enough dear.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a place that you worship, first talk to God about it anytime it hits your mind like you're telling a trusted friend. Ask for healing and you will see that over time it will get better. Now, if you have a trusted mentor whom you feel led to speak with, you could ask them to pray with you and counsel you as well THAT IS IF YOU TRUST THEM...
But really the only person you need is GOD.
May God heal you, mind, body and soul in Jesus name... #ehugs#
Most churches do not have counsellors for this kind of therapy that is needed. They have the general.
DeleteThere is a good Trauma Healing Unit that operates from the Bible society office. Tue poster can go there. Their training is Bible based and fantastic. I have had the training done.
Poster talk to your God in private,pray fervently,see a Doctor,talk to a therapist but not a pastor,they will use your story to preach,do not speak to any church therapist or church counsel oo,you will just notice that gradually no one will sit beside you anymore in church,with time they will start making way when they see you coming,some churches will even ban you from worshipping there.keep your ordeal to yourself only speak to a clinical therapist,your healing will take time but you will get there,please be determined to rise from this,don't let it break you.(wish i can counsel you)
DeleteAnonymous Bug
sorry for what you went through. Self re-assurance and time will help. Please try not to recount the scenerio and try to keep your head high. One practical recommendation for you is to try to always look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you're a princess and a priceless jewel. It maybe hard for you but you won't believe the impact it'll make. Above all i wish you goodluck and quick and permanent recovery
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so sorry dear. This is heartbreaking
ReplyDeleteSo sorry dear God will come through for you...And for those jobless fools,they will see evil till their last day on earth...Be strong sweetheart
ReplyDeleteOh! My darling! What a horrid experience! You have to see a psychologist or a mental health therapist, your mental health depends on it. I deal with a lot of people who have passed through horrific ordeals and I can tell you that what you are going through right now is totally normal for survivors. It could take years before normalcy creeps back in. Sweetie, I hope you sought proper medical treatment? Please don't take anything for granted, make sure you receive proper medication and counselling even before you see a board certified psychologist. There's no shame in what you went through. Make sure your injuries are healing properly.
ReplyDeleteHoney, I'm an avid believer that everything, regardless of how horrible, happens for a reason. The challenge is to be calm enough in body and spirit to discover why this happened to you. Trust me, there's a lesson or a blessing in disguise. Let's thank God that you are alive. There are so many ways this could have gone further south. A family friend of ours, lost his wife when a gang of armed robbers gang raped her anally and vaginally, about 7 savage beasts. She died en route to the hospital. My eyes are glassy as I type this.
Some victims of rape ended up with venereal diseases, unwanted pregnancies or both, that's excluding the post traumatic stress disorder they have to live with. Your healing is a gradual process so don't worry or be frightened. Some victims still have nightmares 10 years post assault. The role you have to play is to make sure they don't succeed in breaking down your mind, that is even worse than physical assault. You need to be strong mentally even if you feel drained physically.
It's okay to have the victim mentality initially, but as months go by, develop the survivor mentality. No more wallowing in self pity and wanting to crawl under a rock and die. Honey, you have to be strong! It's not easy but it is possible. To do otherwise is to give the power to your abusers to keep abusing you mentally. They don't deserve to have such a strong hold over you. It is well with you, sweetheart, thank God for your life. Please make sure you seek professional help ASAP!
e-hugs and kisses.
We need to start telling our sons that sex is not an entitlement or right
DeleteOh dear! so sorry for your pains and frustration. It is painful and frustrating when you're in a situation where it looks like the world is against you.
ReplyDeleteYou should have gone to the hospital immediately and then go give a police report (it is very important to give a police report in case of rape)
You need to go for therapy, yes, you need to speak to a licensed/learned therapist. It will help to some extent and also, don't blame yourself for anything. Don't see yourself as a dirty being, it is not your fault that some monsters in human form are roaming the streets.
Talk to people you trust, people who can give you a shoulder to lean on and above all, ask God to grant you strength and peace.
Sending you lots of love, hugs and prayers. 🤗🤗🤗😘😘😘💖💖💖🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Ms A pls is it proper to send stuff to
DeleteYour mother in law and all she does is say thank you through her son? She will never call me. Am I not justified to be upset? Please I need your reply cos you have wisdom thanks
Anon, stop sending things to her. Be on your lane and she'll start respecting you.
DeleteSince I stopped talking to my mother in law, depression, anxiety and HBP have been so far away. I sleep better at night.
Really Miss A????,police report in Nigeria!!! They will collect bribe first before giving her pen and paper to write anything,we all know the justice system do not work in Nigeria except for the rich,high and mighty.Those ones can even take her picture,attach her story,twist it to make it look like it's her fault,before you know it that officer Dolapo will bring it to social media,or story get leaked on internet and the police will deny they don't know who did it among them.poster remain anonymous,fight your fears,pains and trauma,see a professional far from home.you will overcome.
DeleteAnonymous Bug
Those guys will never know peace. It takes years to forget something like that. I know this cos I've been there... It's been over 10years whenever I remember the ordeal I get angry. It will help to talk about it but my dear to heal you need Jesus.
ReplyDeleteOne of the guys that raped me died a few yrs later mysteriously. My so called best friend masterminded it
Delete17:02 that your friend is cursed already
DeleteThis is heartbreaking, so sorry dear for d ugly wicked ordeal u went thru..get close to God,read His words,pray cos only Him can heal u completely..Jesus is d only true friend who can help u thru this..tell Him everything and He will come thru for u
ReplyDeleteStay strong dear
Dear poster I thank God for your life. Just keep being strong. God is with you at all times
ReplyDeleteDear Stella
ReplyDeleteThis post has encouraged me to open up.
Don't know if its rape but I feel violated.
My boyfriend forcefully broke my Virginity on Friday.
We work in different States and to relax for the year, we took a trip to PH to rest and plan wats next.
We've dated for 3years, we kiss and we suck each other which was his idea since I was a virgin and he was celibate before we met.
Immediately he went down, I felt pain and asked him to stop..
Instead he turned me backwards and tried my anus area. Oh the pain, I screamed and begged he was carried away by his lust.
When he finished, I was in d pool of my own blood.
And all he said was sorry. After all he was gonna marry me.
No remorse. I packed my bags and left to Lagos thee next morning.
He only texted me to buy postinor and that I was trying to make him guilty afterwards he's my husband to be...
I blame myself for going on that vacation, for opening my legs for a suck in the first place but did I deserve to loose my Virginity that way. I broke up with him today Saturday and my friend thinks am overreacting.
No you are not over reacting.He raped you and he will continue doing it.No is No.In a sane country he will face the law.Being your future husband doesn’t mean he has the right to violate you.I am so sorry dear.Please talk to a professional and stay away from the rapist of a boyfriend.
DeleteYou did the right thing dear. He raped you. Gosh! How come he suddenly become a stranger overnight after three years of pretending to be a gentleman by ignoring your pain, not asking for consent and not feeling remorseful after the deed was some. Even if it was a fake act he would put on, but no, he couldn't even pretend to besorry.
DeleteHas he proposed or what? Then why did he keep saying " after all you guys are going to get married so why get upset?"
Well he already had it in mind to deflower you that day no matter what it takes and you giving your consent wasn't any of his business , judging by his actions that's why he didn't feel guilty. If it was not intentional he would have felt guilty and ashamed of himself. But your boyfriend came prepared to achieve his aim after getting tired of waiting for three years. I said tired" because he was never really a celibate, he was obviously having sex and just keeping you around till marriage but I think at this point his mind has changed on that marriage issue and that is why he doesn't care about how you feel and why he damned the consequences. Whether you leave stay, at this point he doesn'care anymore because has achieved his aim., If you go back he will use you to his fill and satisfy himself fully with your body, he will really use you for all those years you made him wait and he still won't marry you.
His behaviour before and afterwards doesn't seem like that of a man that wants to marry you.
He said you are trying to make him feel guilty after all he is going to marry you. Very pathetic boy you have as a boyfriend. He is trying to manipulate you I think it's called gas lighting, don't let him make you feel stupid for not tolerating his rapist self. Avoid him like a plague.
Stop keeping dumb friends. How could she say you overrated? God has shown you the sign that the boyfriend of yours is bad news. Don't let anyone make you feel stupid for doing the right thing.
DeleteYou are a very strong woman and I commend you for having the strength to break it up despite giving your all for three years.
In the eyes of God, you are still who he created you to be. Don't be pressure to tie yourself with your boyfriend because he took your virginty. The next man God will give you will surprise in a good way, virgin or not it doesn't matter.
However this time around don't let anyone pressure you into showing any form of physical affection. Stick to your ground and let your no be no. Don't do other things and the right one will stay despite that. You are here to please God not man and he will please you too at the end of it all. Now be celibate.
He is selfish and evil
DeleteJump and pass him
So sorry my love.. this is so heartbreaking.. Sending you plenty hugs.. please stay strong
ReplyDeleteOh my God. I'm so sorry you have to go through this terrible experience. You need therapy. I had similar experience though not as painful as yours. I was never thesame but after I was referred for psychotherapy, things changed for me. I'm able to talk about my experience now. I've got a hold of my life now. I know all the jig saw puzzles will never fit properly again but you can still get somewhere with your life. Don't let those morher****ers win please.
ReplyDeletePlease see a clinical psychologist to help you get through this. You can find them at 68 Nigerian Army Reference Hospital Yaba (very close to your school from the main gate... Walk straight down) or Lasuth Ikeja, or Federal Neuro psychiatric hospital). Don't go through this alone.
ReplyDeleteMay those guys suffer more than you did and be apprehended before the end of this year. May their wickedness come to an end.
Pls poster if you know this place....please pay them a visit. May God heal you from the inside.
DeleteMay He send you help in this time of need.
sending you love and Gods strength
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, my sincere apologise for what you went through, we live in a wicked world and you don't deserve such a horrible experience but you need to see a psychologist or therapist, and talk to God about it also. Please be strong. Once again you don't deserve any of this
ReplyDeleteOh my!!! So so sorry about your ordeal dear. May God himself heal you permanently.
ReplyDeleteYou also need to see a doctor for basic tests even though the penetration was impossible. There should be psychologists at yaba psychiatric hospital, please book an appointment and visit there. Open up completely to the doctor without shame, many people have gone through what you went through.
Take care of you please.
So sorry about this.
ReplyDeleteI hope you find healing
Visit the Psychiatric hospital in Yaba to see a Psychiatrist. I think they can help
IAM so deeply saddened with this read,gosh I pray for you dear God will heal u emotionally and physically he will restore you dear,God be with u.hang in there you will pull through.
ReplyDeleteThese wicked people, is it a woman/womb that truely carried them? How do these people sleep at night? Do they ever think of the consequences of their actions whether caught or not? God where are you in all these and why are you so silent?
ReplyDeleteIf you need Trauma Healing and you are in Lagos or know anyone that needs it refer them to Bible society office. They have a solid Trauma Healing Unit. They were trained by experts from the US.
ReplyDeleteOh my God! This is heartbreaking 💔,why all this? Why are some humans heartless? May the good Lord comfort ,heal and give you peace.
ReplyDeleteSee a counselor
So sorry dear, really heartbreaking. May God heal your heart from within, and bring justice upon the perpetrators of this evil act.E-hugs
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for what you went through. It might be difficult but try to be more positive, think positively and be happy. It might be a long walk but you will come out of it with time. Sorry darling.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for what you went through, the memories will fade gradually. You need to see a therapist, it will help.
ReplyDeleteSending you e-hugs poster. May you find healing in Christ.
ReplyDeleteMay those bastards know no peace in their miserable lives.
I'm speechless! Poster, I'm so sorry about your ordeal
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. So very sorry.
ReplyDeleteI wish I can hug you and make it all go away. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Talking it out helps. Do you keep a journal? Writing is very therapeutic and helps too.
I pray for complete healing, inside and out. I pray that you are not defined by this terrible incident. I pray that you realize there is so much more to you. You are more. You are not defined by what happened to you.
You are so loved. You are so loved. You are an overcome. A Victor. You are strong, you are filled with strength and you will rise.
Jesus is right beside you and He is fighting with and for you. He is interceding for you and He is closer to you than any friend. When you cannot talk, He knows. He knows, and He is healing you. He hasn't abandoned you, my darling. He knows what you're passing through.
May Jehovah Rapha stretch out His healing hands upon you. May Jehovah Nissi be a banner over you and protect your mind. May Elphin surround you and may His presence abide with you. May His love calm your fears and bring you peace.
I am praying for you.
May Elohim*
DeleteI am fighting with you in spirit, dear poster. You will get through this.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. First, dear I hope you sought medical care, run tests for stds ad if you haven't it's very important that you do so the soonest. By God's grace, everything will come back negative and at least that will be a relief. Secondly, you need to see a therapist where you can talk it out and hopefully they'll be able to help you. Lastly, please embrace God at this very difficult time. When you need to cry, cry unto Him and He will wipe your tears and heal you inside out. He will give you the hoe and peace of mind you seek and He will put people in your path that will get you through this. You should not let them win by letting their action overwhelm and eclipse you. They are vagabonds and will get theirs but you must rise up and take your life back! Know that you are a survivor and God is on your side.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry hun, please cry whenever you want to and give urself time to heal and see a therapist. Nobody should experience what u went through.
ReplyDeleteSo much wickedness in the world....
ReplyDeleteHumanity has been lost ....
You need to be strong dearie....
They cannot control your life now that God saved you from them...
Decide to be who you want to be...
They won't go scot free ....!
I’m so sorry for what happened to you,it’s not your fault and anyone can be a victim.If you can afford a psychologist,book appointment with one and start immediately.If you don’t have access to one,download you version bible app and get different plans on any topic.May God lighten your heart dear.
ReplyDeleteSo I haven't been on this blog for days only to open this post and be close to tears. I don't know what to tell you about it but those people will not die well until they confess and do time for their sins. All rapists will meet their waterloo in the most terrible way. How does a person dress up for work and meet this? This is terrible.
ReplyDeleteOh so sorry dear, I also suffered panic attacks after I was robbed at night and it was a terrible experience that filled me with fear because someone was shot. I wasn't raped, but whenever I see guys in a car or on a bike, I will start screaming, running, and even crying sef, there was a particular day I was coming back from lectures and a guy was trying to woo me, I just turned around and saw that they were two of them, I took off my shoes and started running, screaming, shouting for help, till people gathered, the guy was actually following me with his car, because according to him I scared the shit out of him.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, every one concluded that I had to go back to Nigeria to cool off, coz I was becoming paranoid.
Firstly you need to talk to someone, which i did,for me I healed faster talking to my mom, I cried and she held me close all the time,you need someone you trust and love and be sure that person loves you back. Secondly,whenever you remember that day, say to yourself, you rape, 'you don't define me', 'you can't sink me', 'you have no power over my future'.I spoke to myself too, even after I returned back to school, there is this power and strength in speaking positivity to yourself, it worked for me, thirdly always pray and read your Bible, the word of God will give you insights of God's promises for you, for your future. Darling the world needs you, don't give up on yourself now, Be strong OK,
how I wish I can hug you right now. I know it is not easy, be strong. Don't let this incident Mar you.What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger
ReplyDeleteI pray you find peace ,if you are a Catholic please try and pray your rosary.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry dear, your story broke me completely. I'm so so sorry. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. May God heal you completely. Please feel free to talk to your loved ones about how you feel, it will help you heal. Please be strong 🤗
ReplyDeleteThis is so disheartening,i pray you find peace.Sending you loads of ❤❤❤🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteDear poster, am so sorry for the trouble you are going through, may God heal you completely. Pls endavour to see a Doctor best of luck.
ReplyDeleteWow reading different comment made me cry, sorry poster may God heal you totally.
ReplyDeleteI'm deeply saddened by your ordeal. So sorry for what you went through. Please do visit a Therapists - as recommended by virtually everyone, and never stop praying to God about the Grace to FORGIVE your attackers, as forgiveness is the first step to true healing. May God bless you. Sending you warmth & love. 🤗❤
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry
ReplyDeletePlease you are a tough and strong person
You will get through this
You will not be destroyed but you have received strength and healing from the inside out
You will later help others and always overcome
In Jesus Name
Amen
This is heart wrenching. Please seek the counsel of a qualified psychologist. I am really sorry you had to experience this. The Lord will strengthen you.
ReplyDeletePlease go to your doctor and ask him to refer you to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. Mention to the psychiatrist or clinical psychologist there that you need to get tested for STDs although I am sure they will refer you and continue to supervise your treatment in these other departments while helping with your mental healing. Keeping a journal will help and looking up mindfulness meditation, affirmations and hypnosis will help heal your mind and make you resilient. You have every right to cry and be down once in a whiy but please reach out for help and company as you have done with this post. I wish you well and I am so sorry for all that you went through.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience but in my case the beat me so bad with a gun on my head. I bled so much I thot I was going to die. I started praying while in the car and suddenly they decided to drop us. I was bleeding profusing from the head as they tighed my eyes and hands but I could see a lil bit. Luckily I knew the area were they dropped me off, close to a prominent hospital at TBS. This guys treated without money or police report this was around 10pm. They only told me how much the bill would be and if I could afford it.i told them yes and they had to shave my front hair cos I had sustain a deep wound and my head had to be stitched. In all this I kept thanking God. I dont even know why but i knew it was a battle between God and the devil in my mind Because literally, i had prayed before coming to the bus stop and entering the one chance . so I knew the enemy wanted to pass a message. Remember job worshipped even after calamity befell his family. The hospital is a big expensive one and charged me 100k just to stitch my head. To be honest I was grateful that they even agreed to stitch when I didn't have any money on me. My sister was able to come around 1am due to tankers blocking the road and paid the bill . I kept thanking God even while at home. As God will have it pple heard. God used my company to refund the money and another person bought me a better phone than they took. My hair has grown back with no sign. I learnt a lesson to trust my instincts but also know that God truly saves his own cos another girl entered with me and they were angry cos they said I was their target and she probably spoilt the plan. Thank God for saving u, some have died from this. Trust me u ll be ok.
ReplyDeleteThank God for you, you are indeed a testimony.
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