STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ATTITUDE PROBLEM
Good day Stella,
I am 25years old and I have never been in any relationship before. I used to think it was spiritual why the guys do not hang around for long but I am beginning to think it is because of my attitude. It is not as if I go around insulting people or I lack manners but I really do not know what the problem is. I admit I am not the friendliest in the room. Scratch that!
I don't even have any friends safe for two girls that I must confess put all the efforts for us to remain friends. I don't even discuss my problems with anyone but some persons consider me a "burden bearer" perhaps it is because I like to give.
Now,for my family.
My parents actually think that I am possessed or how else would you describe someone who has been asked to leave the house because I refused to wear a church wrist band and I came out late for prayers. This year alone I have had misunderstanding with my parents over seven times and it all boils down to my attitude. I admit that I suck at apologizing and I am a champ at keeping malice and to worsen the situation is that I don't have anyone to talk to. Sometimes, I want to blame it all on being abused and molested in my childhood but I have seen people rise from that why is my case different. I really what to change so badly but my pride and environment are not making it easy for me.
I have contemplated suicide many times because the future is not looking any brighter since I have been cursed already by my parents. They make it seem as though I am the worst daughter out there even though I see many girls around who do not even try to put as much effort I put into the home happy with their parents.
I am not trying to apportion the blame to anyone but myself but I know for a fact that things would have been different around here if I had been a boy-child. I see my brothers getting away with things I wouldn't dare do and nobody smears their faces at them or turn down their greetings. The new narrative now is that I can not cook soup even though I wasn't given a chance to try when growing up.
My mum has practically killed my self-esteem in that aspect and it broke my heart into a million pieces when my brother made jest of me with it. My mum has "ignorantly" turned everyone's heart against me and I fear that I won't be alive to watch everyone realize this.
I am just a proud, complacent and stubborn being and it will be in everyone's interest if I went away. I am done praying for a change of attitude.
Hmmmmmm so at your age,suicide is all you can think of?Or did i read wrong?if you are still alive,please send me your number...
Suicide does not fix things.
ReplyDeleteAsk your parents for forgiveness and blessings.
You need friends you can talk to, you have alot to learn.
Your attitude to stuff is not cool, try to make changes. Pray and ask God to guide and change you.
You can learn to cook and do everything other thing if you put your heart to it. I can be your friend, sis.
@Slutty
DeletePlease teach her forgiveness but not sluttiness and svd
Low self esteem has eaten deep, you blame yourself for everything and anything. What you need to do now, is to work on your skills, try and develop your skill and see people seeking your help in things, when you have something to offer to the world, people will overlook maybe you are proud or rude or all those negative things you called yourself. You need someone to motivate you, not those people who brings you down. Try and change your environment for a lil bit and let people miss you. You will be fine. E hugs
DeletePoster,you can write and i think you should put all your worries to writing.
DeleteSuicide is never the answer,how else would you say you have conquered your fears.
Forget your family and build yourself.
A lot of persons here are quite older than you. I find that phrase "scratch that" very disrespectful most especially because you are here to seek advice. You obviously need to control your sense of reasoning. I actually stopped reading after seeing that. My opinion.
DeleteSo, since you know you have an attitude problem, what have you done to fix it? What advice are you seeking from bvs? You need someone to convince you not to commit suicide? At 25? Look here young lady, if you kill yourself, life will go on. Your parents and siblings will cry, but life will definitely go on. You better think of ways to help yourself and stop thinking of an easier path to hell! Rise up from your depressed state and move forward! If speaking about your abuse will help you be better, then do it!
DeleteStellz, please what do you do when people send in all these suicide msgs? Do you send them for therapy or what? I honestly do not get it.
Nne What is there in Cooking Soup If ya Mama is cooking go to the Kitchen and be looking at her if she drives you away just tell her you wanna Assist her... Dnt Kill yaself biko this life is veli veli sweet and precious....
DeleteStella, Biko Me the number too. I want to really talk to this girl. She just needs love and I have so much of it to give. I have been through a lot too my darling but I’m here and I’m doing fantastically well. I’m happy. You can too
DeleteWhat is rude or disrespectful about scratch that?🙄
DeleteDon’t be h,ire than the pope
@Slikkys, are you OK??? "Scratch that"??? Odiegwu!
Delete‘Scratch that ‘ is disrespectful????????
DeleteGood to know that you are admitting your faults unlike a lot of girls 😊🌹🌹
ReplyDeleteYour problem is half solved since you are taking this path.
The remaining issue is for you to humble yourself first of all
1. To forgive your molester -you can't really be happy, fulfilled and receive God's blessings when your heart is full of unforgiveness towards others -"forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sinned against us..." Mathew 6 -you might have prayed that today.
2. brace up to talk to someone; you are not the villain, the molester is!
You were a victim and you can become a victor by breaking the silence.
3. sequel to 2 above, may I suggest that you take up a pen and write your ordeal as a chronicle perhaps. Then, set up appointment and call up sdk and talk to her...
God has used her before to bring succor to injured souls like yours.
4. You will heal. The Word of God will bring encouragement to your soul. Begin today to read the teachings of Jesus especially on forgiveness; Matthew 6:14-15 · Ephesians 4:31-32 · Luke 17:3-4, Romans 12 and so on
Peace to your soul 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹➕➕
Now this is a reasonable comment. Keep it up!
Deletethis mode of communication will elicit peace, understanding and a longing to know more about God. Did it hurt to be delicate and humane? If you made more posts like this, people will look forward to your comments for reasons other than it being enjoyable nuisance and explicit entertainment.
Peace be unto your soul
@17:00
DeleteThanks for all the oyinbo wey you supu there 😊😊
I am just being my truthful "yarning" self inugo?
Poster, I got two things and that was the part saying you were abused and molested.
DeleteYou need therapy asap, and it's never too late listening to people like Jay Shetty/Prince on IG, pray, read your bible and when you can apologise to your parents.
God bless you on this journey to recovery.Amen
You sha got the message inugo? If you like let pride and stubbornness prevent you from taking constructive criticism.
DeleteBy the way, this comment is very different from your usual rants. This is motherly and very comforting.
@17:47
DeleteWawu!
Pride and stubbornness?
See as you finally jump into conclusion and shoot me arrows still eh
-under this same comment wey you like eh?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hmmm poster this was me about 10years ago...You would say that you are a bit self centred and you feel that you are above correction..But suicide is never option, please it has not come to that at all..As you are praying to God to change your attitude, make a conscious effort to change some character traits but writing down some things you dont like about yourself...What triggers that attitude you are complaining about?? You can ask your friends to tell you the Gaskiya truth about you...Calmly meet your mum (I suppose you should be close to her) discuss with her, share your problems with her and ask her areas you need to improve on...At 25, you are still getting mature so take you sweet time to be the woman you want to be...Always smile (maybe you carry your emotions on the face) so you may not be sending positive vibes...I don't think you are a bad person at all..you need to grow, be stubborn, make mistakes, laugh at yourself and take life easy...Dont treat everyone like the enemy..All the best dear...
ReplyDeleteNo wonder. Now I see.
DeleteKudos, WEB baibay. 💜
DeleteThank you WEB.
DeleteI used to be like poster.
But, in my case, I realised I inherited or learnt all my mothers bad traits.
What I did?.
I became intentional in choosing friends.
The few I had, I held them close.
I limited communication with my mother. And when we did talk, I kept it simple and short. No room for her to bring down my self esteem.
Also, I started smiling more, at strangers and others, read self development books and actively tried to implement them
The future is not bright and suicide to the rescue, really?
ReplyDeleteAnd how will eternity in hell be any better via this route?
Open up and talk to someone and begin your healing
Common, you have not exhausted your alternatives. You want to die by killing yourself? You get over there, you realise all what you think you're passing through here is child's play.
ReplyDeleteTry leaving the house. If you irritate them and they do not want to see you, what are you still doing there. Leave the house for them and go find your own apartment. At your age, you are more than qualified to live on your own and have all the attitudes you want. You can even borrow from the public and join yours.
According to you, it would be in everyone's interest if you went away. Really? Why don't you prove them wrong? So much awaits you out of that family house.
Decision is yours!
Dear poster, I understand you. you see I used to be exactly like you, yes attitude is part of your problem and if you continue the way you are going you will keep on moving in circles till you reach bottom. Your childhood is part of the issue, your environment is another, spiritual forces most importantly is one. See my dear this is your life, no one will bring you out of this but yourself. You see that your sinking attitude, failed relationships,, troubles with your parents and all what not the root cause is what you should deal with.
ReplyDeleteAll I'm trying to say is this, run to God, cast out whatever is trying to kill, steal and destroy in your life. I wish I could talk to you and councel you, if you don't sort it out now you will continually be in the grip of whatever force that is trying to take you out. Poster I know this because I was exactly in that situation, I reached bottom, I couldn't take it anymore, I sent it all to Stella as a chronicle, a lot of people called me in to advice me and pray with me God bless them but it still didn't all go away till I tackled the root cause of my issue. Today Im full of peace.
Please call me. I will send Stella an email with my number. You have to come out of this and I will councel you.
Your attitude is that nobody understands you. What you have passed through and you bottled all that up. Your parents failed you as they find you stiff and not ready to obey hence the plenty curses. I blamed your parents because they did not put their eyes down to know what's up.
ReplyDeleteI will aadvise you try and loosen up. Forgive yourself first before you can be forgiven by anyone.
Keep praying to God for changes because from what I can see you are bitter about everything.
May God heal you Amen
Spot on Madam. She is hurting and hurting people hurt others or lash out. She is not proud or arrogant - I fact , poster has a great attitude because you are self aware but don’t know how to stop the circle of hurt. Poster is unwilling to blame others even though the blame can be shared round all around her. Please break the cycle of hurt by writing in you abuse chronicles first. The root of many of the things you worry about lie in there. May I also suggest a clinical psychologist if you can afford one.
DeleteI send you the biggest hug in the world and pray that the balm of file and will meet you and wash away all your pain. The spirit of truth will teach you how to forgive those who hurt you and those who didn’t notice and reach out to you. May the light of his spirit shine on you and make every Crocker path in your way straight and bless you with peace.
I am in tears right now �� receive peace dear�� God be with you
Poster, u can learn how to cook on social media. It no biggy. I never helped my mom in the kitchen, but I'm a very very good cook today. I like to tidy up too like crazy. All these nobody thought me. African parents can put so much pressure on the girl child sometimes. Every human being, man or woman must learn how to cook, and tidy up. Never put those church fake wrist band on your wrist, if u don't want to. Your behaviour is absolutely normal. Didn't see a anything bad u do in your narrative. Arguing with parents once in a while is normal, except in Africa, African parents believe they are always right. They also believe every older person is wise. If u no get sense all your life, how is your being 50 or 60 going to make u automatically sensible?
ReplyDeleteMay God bless you anon 15:27. That’s how my mother expects me to apologize for shouting at a male neighbor that barged into our room without knocking.
DeleteCassy(Ok....) is this you? Please don't do anything stupid. I love you and I'll try to keep in touch more. Your parents are just being typical Nigerians. You'll be fine trust me.
ReplyDeleteC...
I see a chronicle where one knows all her problems and the possible solutions. I don’t know what are input here is then!
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm still trying to figure out is how pride, arrogance and a low self-esteem can successfully coexist within one personality...
DeleteYou forgot entitlement.
DeletePoster it is good thing you realized your shortcomings, now work on yourself, pls don't be hard on yourself, don't take every word by your folks to heart, they might not really mean it.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know how to cook soup, so what? You can always learn.
You remind me of my younger sis, she used to feel everyone hated her then, we used to tease her a lot, she is too sensitive but does gra gra a lot(i feel you are like this too). remove all suicide thoughts from your head, i mean this is not even enough reason to consider suicide please.
I think you should change environment and try new things like trying out a new hobby. learning new things.
ReplyDeleteShe needs to change attitude before changing environment.
DeleteA bad attitude is like a flat tire. You never really go anywhere until you change it.
DeleteShe can change environment but will still end up at this spot. What she needs is a self improvement books and material. They're online and even on YouTube.
For my place, them say, Them no dey learn to do lefty for old age. Your wahala na carry come. The only person holding you down is you.
ReplyDelete1st step: Move away from your environment and home if you can. You admitted you are proud, cocky and arrogant. Work on yourself and try having a change of attitude and disposition. After that, Go back to your family and build a new relationship with them but still far away from home. ( if you understand what I mean). Visit once in a blue moon, and leave as soon as you can. Just to show you have changed for good. That way they will miss you much and yearn for you. But You can't achieve all these if you have no change of attitude. You will definitely remain in square one for the rest of your live, as you watch everyone around you grow to become better. A WORD IS ENOUGH FOR THE WISE!
CHEERS!!!
Your self esteem is fully intact but u hv turned it to pride and dats why u aint making frnds and truth be told u need friends to come out from this phase.Give someone around you a trial to know you,share some problems u know cannot be used against u.
ReplyDeleteUhhhhhhh..your post is giving off defiant undertone and its draining to be around someone like that, much more your family.
ReplyDeleteSis, you are your own worst enemy. Rid yourself of all that unnecessary burden, make peace with your family and friends & relationships will follow.
You miss out on opportunities when people perceive you as being a certain type of way.
I just need to ask the poster if her parents are aware of her being molested and if they actually helped her heal.
DeleteIf they know they probably left her alone to do her healing herself, which is typical of naija parents, it’s only how to flog they know and how to cook soup like poster said.
Which could be why she has so much going on inside her.
But poster so far en what I have learnt as an adult now is that you have no excuse o. You have no excuse as an adult because you know what Is right and what is wrong now that even your parents don’t have to teach you.
Be nice to yourself first of all. How do you do that you ask? Accept that the worst things that could happen to your life has happened already and things can only get better. It doesn’t mean things would get better in 2 days or 3 days after you decide to change, it takes time. Months or years. But just make sure you aren’t looking back.
Please you don’t need too many friends or you May jut be compounding more issues to yourself, but just be friendly to people. Smile. Say good morning or evening to even people you don’t know.
If you can’t change your environment for now, just try and initiate conversations with your family once in a while.
Be strong babe.
I just need to ask the poster if her parents are aware of her being molested and if they actually helped her heal.
DeleteIf they know they probably left her alone to do her healing herself, which is typical of naija parents, it’s only how to flog they know and how to cook soup like poster said.
Which could be why she has so much going on inside her.
But poster so far en what I have learnt as an adult now is that you have no excuse o. You have no excuse as an adult because you know what Is right and what is wrong now that even your parents don’t have to teach you.
Be nice to yourself first of all. How do you do that you ask? Accept that the worst things that could happen to your life has happened already and things can only get better. It doesn’t mean things would get better in 2 days or 3 days after you decide to change, it takes time. Months or years. But just make sure you aren’t looking back.
Please you don’t need too many friends or you May jut be compounding more issues to yourself, but just be friendly to people. Smile. Say good morning or evening to even people you don’t know.
If you can’t change your environment for now, just try and initiate conversations with your family once in a while.
Be strong babe.
Aunty stell biko slap "this gal for hus", I have been through hell in the hands of my parents but Rose above it. She comes out late for because she is not getting enough night rest. Girl if you read this you have one goal in life after serving God that is be the best version of yourself against all odds. The truth is there people like me you will see and say wooow life has been perfect for this person but u will not believe what battles I fight daily or those I overcame. Girl stop being sorry about your state and be the best version of yourself. Dress up get out, smile, talk and read about communication. When I am down I get out and speak with the security guards where I live. So whenever I am going out the amount of greeting I get my parents once thought I was selling drugs and tried to forbid me talking or mingling with them but the turned to a blessing cos they have help me push and start their car in my absence, found people for minimal jobs and also help me academic in ways I can't share here. Girl fight for yourself. Until you are the most important element in God's plan you will not grow. Think about the life's you can change get up, get out and live positively.
ReplyDeleteIf I am God and you try to escape from this world by committing suicide I will refuse you to die and flog you back to life to come and learn some life lessons.
ReplyDeleteYou need to learn to appreciate people starting from your family.
You need to love people if you want to be loved
You need to understand that nobody owe you nothing
You need to learn to make casual friends for a start
I am a product of rape and abuse but I'm an extremely pleasant person because I rose above all
You need to stop blaming your bad attitude on others and try to learn things: I am a last born, very spoilt from home but today I'm a home keeper. I taught myself by watching others
Stop using your attitude to make people sad.
2. I saved up and moved out, I realized my environment was toxic and I needed to uproot myself from it, the constant abuses from my mother made my self esteem end up in the toilet, I couldn’t go a single day without that woman’s abuses.
ReplyDelete3. Am not a social person just like you, so I decided to watch a lot of comedy movies, shows etc to make me laugh, believe me laughter is the best medicine for everything. And boy!! Did it help.
Within a period of 3 months I was a complete different person, I found myself smiling even at stranger for as little as a good morning from them.
Babe, I was you years ago until I turned it around for myself. People would tell you to pray but would never actually tell you what to do to help yourself.
Do these things and you would be fine, save up and move out.
I was in a similar case like yours the difference was that I had elder sisters to defend when my parents were coming on too strong. The fact is you really need to learn how to cook and be organized as a lady that's y your parents are afraid that at 25 you cant do such. Secondly, you are melancholy temperament and seem to get irritated but u don't mean to be rude. You need to pray about it, you don't need to reply every word said to u. Try not to argue with everyone around u, its scares pple away even if u dont like their opinion. It's a conscious effort and the good thing is u realised early. Tag along your mum when she cooks, my dear someone has to be at home to prepare dinner especially in d Nigerian setting and it has to be d girl child. Plan yourself or cook and keep in d flask then go out. When u want to be stubborn sometimes ask yourself " what ll this simple task take from me". At the end of the day dear, u need to b mature and take correction with a good attitude realizing that christ said he corrects only those he loves.
ReplyDeleteDont tag along your mother anything.
DeleteCheck cooking pages on IG and learn
Dear Poster, first I want you to know that Jesus Christ loves you unconditionally.
ReplyDeleteYou need a lot of love - unconditional non-judgmental, but tough love.
From your first few sentences I knew you had a troubled childhood. You are not proud but you feel deeply hurt by the world and that nobody cared to make amends so you find it hard to apologise.
Unfortunately, your parents have not bothered to unearth what made you this way. They, like most Nigerian parents attributed it to being possessed.
Please, you need counseling and emotional therapy from a Spirit-filled counselor.
I would also advise that you take a break from your family and relocate to a new place, meet new people who do not have preconceived opinion about you.
You can learn how to cook soup or any other dish from your new friends or acquaintances.
I was not taught how to cook by my mom too but I took interest and started learning.
It's good that you are old enough to leave home. Don't subject yourself to further emotional damage by your family.
Above all invite Jesus Christ into your heart. Make him your best friend and confidante. Tell him EVERYTHING.
You don't need to kill yourself Jesus Christ already died for you.
Much love. ❤️💕💖🤗
Great advise. Poster is deeply hurt and feels very betrayed by those close to her.
DeleteIt well with you!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing you should do now is, apologize to your parents.
You are a stubborn person with pride and very good at keeping malice, according to you.
Do you keep malice with your parents too? Don't you apologise to them when they are offended?
The truth is, your parents love you but they hate the fact that you are stubborn. Change please, change. You can do it. Forget pride, it hinders so many blessings. God resists the proud.
Also learn how to pray.
Jesus Christ says,
Come unto me,
I will give rest,
Take my yoke upon you
Hear me and be blessed
I am meek and lowly,
Come and trust my might,
Come, my yoke is easy,
Come my burden's light.
That's 👆 Christ for you. He has answers to all you questions.
All your anxiety,all your care,
Bring to the Mercy seat,leave it there.
Never a burden he can not bear,
Never a friend like Jesus.
You have complete peace and assurance when you trust in Christ.
Change environment, change attitude, go for prayers and join social gatherings. make a conscious effort to change. I was almost like you but not as bad as you o, but i am changing well after several complaints from people. i started attending prayers regularly. now if its not necessary i dont talk.
ReplyDeleteSuicide won't settle anything, have a discussion with your parents and beg for their forgiveness. For the cooking part register in a cateering school or learn on YouTube. Try doing something that makes you happy it will take your mind off suicide. Most importantly you need to apologise to your parents and stop being proud, friends will come around with time.
ReplyDeleteFirst step is acknowledging that you have an issue. I commend you for that. Now, make a conscious effort to be a better version of you. Go out there, try to be friendly, join a group, smile often, do things that will make you happy. It's not going to happen immediately but with time, you will see the changes. All the best
ReplyDeleteEveryone has an attitude just like you, mine was that I found it difficult to apologise even if a gun was pointed at my head to the point that I once sneaked out to join some kids to throw stones at a couple, they caught only me and beat me till they concluded I was possessed just because I didn't apologize, it continued even at home till I met my hubby who changed that about me and when friends keep awwwing and oohing about how they love my peaceful nature of how I'm always quick to apologize even when I'm wronged, I just laugh at and tell them they wouldn't have had the opportunity to say this if they met the former me. Your parents can't change you, meet your friends i mean the two of them together and ask them to tell you the truth about yourself without mincing words, tell them to be sincere as you won't get angry at them, that you feel something is wrong about your personality and you are willing to work on it. Secondly, learn to control your temper while trying to be the better you. If i can do it, you too can do better.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for suicidal thought, we have been there more than five times, just take that out of your mind.
Can I say this! Suicide is an express ticket to hell. You did not create yourself and you have no right to end it. Having said that, there is nothing you are going through other before and after you have not gone through and will go through. You are not the first and you will not be the last. The fact, that you know your problems and admit shows there is still hope.
ReplyDeleteAll you need right now is bring everything at the feet of Jesus, there is room at the cross. He alone can change and transform your life. Please if you are reading this, you can attend Encounter retreat, it is a 72 hours program with God. It starts on the 14th of this month, organised by Dominion City at the redeemed camp. Am a testimony of encounter, trust me! Your life will never remain the same.All the best and God bless you.
Let's be logical about this.
ReplyDeleteSo you commit suicide, then what happens to you after you die.... Have you made peace with that.....
What happens on earth is simple- after you die, that is. Your brothers might grieve for a while, your mum might not (since she doesn't care much for you, as you suggested in the post).
Your two friends that you managed to keep might feel bad (of course, because all their stress of managing to keep you was just in vain).
Then.... life goes on, and those that are still on earth 'only' will get to enjoy that life as it goes on.
Meanwhile, you obviously committed suicide because you wanted to put an end to the misery. Unfortunately, death is not termination of life, rather a transition to another realm of life...
In short, the misery you wanted to end might just continue.
So, before you commit suicide, think about what lies on the other end.
I wish you the best with your decision and I hope you make the right choice..
Your matter is not hard at all since you know there is a problem. You will get the right guy for you if you go for MFM deliverance. God is not wicked, there’s someone for everyone no matter how they are written off else places.
ReplyDeleteI think you are from an environment where you are used to defending yourself by yourself when anything happens and that feeling of I am all alone has eaten deep inside you that you do not feel any connection with your family only resent. I completely understand,but do exactly what you love doing that brings a smile to your face, do it everytime and if you can please leave the house because that environment is draining you emotionally and leaving you feeling like there is nothing to live for.
ReplyDeleteWhen you move out you will be missed and then you can test yourself by trying to be tidy and cook for yourself.
Gone are the days where a woman's worth is only in the kitchen, find your niche and grab it, it will reflect on your personality because you love to do it. People will notice you for it and you will attract friends and if possible meet mr right.
I have a very stubborn teenage daughter and trust me ...I know how annoying and hurtful it can be as a parent. Thankfully, I never disrespected my parents and today I have a wonderful and priceless relationship with them as they are raging and I cherish it so much. Mind you, I wasn't a perfect child and could also be stubborn and proud with others. One thing I always tell and direct my daughter to is the bible passage that says ..Honour your father and your mother and your days shall be long.... It is very true because a child who disregards their parents directions and chastisements is more than likely to turn out less than they should be...I know sooo many examples. So poster whatever change you start to make, start by making it right with your parents. One more thing....STOP that thought of suicide!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHave you checked out why your daughter is behaving like that? Why not wake her up in the Mudd of the night one night. Hug her endlessly then break the silence by telling her how much you love her and you'll always stand by her and fight for her, no matter what. Please be sincere. I hope her attitude doesn't stem from abuse. Lot's of predators out there, even biological father's.
DeletePoster you already knows your problem why don't you fix things than threat to commit suicide?
ReplyDeleteYou are to come down from your high horse, try to make things work out for me your family. I need you to make withdrawal any amount you can afford but let it not be 2,3,4,5k. Share the money in an envelope, give your dad the highest, give your mum the lowest. Put the Money in an envelope write to dad and to mum.seal them, meet your parents go on your knees, apologize to them, ask them to accept this token an.pray for you.
Things are not working for you because you are disrespectful to your parents, you are too stubborn. That attitude of yours will not get you anywhere. Is not every thing that we need to pray. Sometimes are wisdom, stop seeing your mum as your problem. If your both parents pray for you, boom you will see changes. You lqck manners, you are so proud, selfish and disrespectful.
Abegi! Poster, don't mind her o. African mentality!
DeleteAfrican parenting relies heavily on negative reinforcement and this has become the norm. We think it makes us better but it just a lazy and unconstructive way of raising a child.
ReplyDeleteYou need to spend time reading some self help books. Honestly just adopt the writers as your parents and mentors. books like Rules of Success but Napoleon Hill, these books change lives there are so many of them, Habits of Highly Effective people.
My dear start to define what you want from life and ignore the negative words of those around you. I was not as bad as you have described but I went through something similar and everyone thought I was a write off. They even told me I shouldn’t have been born but today I have helped many of those people and some of them are just too ashamed to ask for my help cos God really elevated me.
Take your destiny in your own hands and fight to become the best version of yourself and what have The Almighty silence your naysayers.
Nigerian Parents STOP ABUSING YOUR CHILDREN VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. STOP DAMAGING YOUR CHILDREN!
ReplyDeleteEveryone responds to love. Love your children, hug them, be firm, teach and correct them in love.
When a child is being difficult or stubborn, take time to find out what they are going through.
Some of your children get bullied and abused at school and playground. Where then do they go to get unconditional love?
I grew up as a very happy, playful, lively child but I was very sensitive. I didn't like being scolded in a raised voice.
I remember at age 8 I told mom to gently correct me rather than sharply raise her voice at me. In fact, I asked her if she heard any of our neighbours scolding their children in raised voices. My older siblings received this kinda scolding but I actually felt it was humiliating for them.
I was a very bold child. Still bold as an adult. 😄
Tell a child what they do wrong and the consequences even when you need to spank.
Let me tell you parents, harsh or nagging scolding or carry-over scolding (referring to a past wrongdoing) MAKES A CHILD STUBBORN.
At some point, you cannot reach that their soft inner core. They withdraw and build a wall of resistance.
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DeleteBabe, nobody hates you. Cheer up and don’t off yourself yet. You receive the same kinda vibes you give off.
ReplyDeleteYou need a neutral person to counsel you and some self improvement materials. As I said in my earlier comment, check online.
ReplyDeleteYou also need to change your mindset about yourself and whatever situation surrounds you. Personally, I write affirmations on my bathroom mirror and recite daily. Sometimes just reading it in your head as you go about your day, is a major mindset overhaul. Affirm these things in your head and keep saying it.
You see those your friends who are with you through this time? Hold them close. Call them and ask them if they can help you be better? You can open up to them about your struggle so they see what you've been dealing with for decades. If they have shown you love to this point, you need to reciprocate by letting them know that this whole attitude thing is deeper than it looks. Suffering in silence doesn't help.
Also, ignore your parents. See whatever you are is a product of whatever they put in you. But most parents want to deflect and act as if you arent an offshoot of their actions. Ignore them. The day they realise they are wrong, you may be too far for them to apologise to.
Also, stay prayed up. Having all this suicidal thoughts arent necessary. Let God help you deal with all that's going on inside and come our strong. It's well.
Poster, I'm in your shoes but much much older. You were right, the abuse and molestation definitely contributed but the 'witch' that made things worse is your mum just like mine who killed your self esteem.
ReplyDeleteI'll give you an advice an elder (God bless his soul) gave me 7 years ago but I didn't adopt until middle of this year and it has made so much difference, I wish I had adopted it much earlier.
1. Stay away from that toxic woman you call 'mother' and anybody that make you feel unworthy.
Be prepared for her further badmouthing as a result, don't let it distract you.
2. Yes, again go off the radar. I can't emphasize that enough. Disappear from your family's focus. Relocate if you have to. Don't let them know where you live.
I assure you, you'll start feeling better and more confident the moment you don't feel constantly judged by them anymore.
For your mum, adopt the 'gray rock' method. Google it.
3. Stay away from social media.
4. Make new friends with the mindset of a 'new you'. You're no longer the person you used to be. Stop seeing yourself as a failure. Believe that new formed friendships will work. And don't bug them by ranting about your past. You're brand new now.
5. Everyone makes mistake. Forgive yourself quickly when you do and move on because you're bound to make another soon.
6. Accept your imperfection but don't let it define you. Nobody is perfect.
7. Learn to say "NO". It's not that difficult. Stop pleasing everyone.
8. Most importantly, get financially empowered and independent.
Your problem is not such a big deal, you better thank your stars. If you hear other people's stories...
9. If I were you, I would reevaluate these my 'only two' friend(ship)s. Are you sure they are real friends? Be watchful and mindful henceforth. Give them some tests here and there. Can they be trusted?
10. Relationships will come easy when you coordinate yourself properly. Currently you're an emotional wreck. No man will stick around that. So improve yourself, get a hobby, learn to believe in yourself, forgive yourself and stop being so judgemental of yourself.
Sometimes 'breaking bad' works. Just be a bad girl for once. Have no expectation relationships. Play safe though, STDs are real.