STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
VISITING A MAN WHO IS NOT YOUR BOO....YET
I've known him for close to nine years, he once asked me out it didn't work because I wasn't ready then, we were both not ready. We've been chatting off and on for the number of years. Recently, our chat got a bit personal and he invited me to Abuja, I stay in the East and we are both from here. His job is this offshore kind of thing.
I've known him for close to nine years, he once asked me out it didn't work because I wasn't ready then, we were both not ready. We've been chatting off and on for the number of years. Recently, our chat got a bit personal and he invited me to Abuja, I stay in the East and we are both from here. His job is this offshore kind of thing.
I told him its not right for me to come that at least since we've not seen each other for so long he should try and come down first but he's insisting I come, he wants to host me. I confided in a friend and he said its not right for me to go that if he's serious about establishing anything he should come down. I told J I can no longer come to Abuja, that he should try and visit, he said you know I'm working and I explained why I can't come and he only said okay. That was all. We've not communicated again after that.
I feel the reason he doesn't want to come down is because he gets to stay in their family house for a man his age but my other friend said that is not an issue he can actually stay in a hotel for the weekend if he's serious.
What do you guys think about it please, should I go to him or forget about him.
I feel the reason he doesn't want to come down is because he gets to stay in their family house for a man his age but my other friend said that is not an issue he can actually stay in a hotel for the weekend if he's serious.
What do you guys think about it please, should I go to him or forget about him.
To an extent I like him and we almost had something going many years ago but time happened I don't know what we are doing now and he's been careful about getting into his feelings. The only green light he's given me so far is inviting me over. Please how do I handle this
*Jeeeez,so you don't know this person wants to gbensh you and is giving you green light to come because your green light is on?you cant tell?If it is just gbenshing you want,by all means go but if you are looking for love,it has not happened yet with him and there is every possibility that he is one of those men who don't start relationships after gbenshing....
Invite him to town.....help him look for good hotels and tell him about it......Don't go!!!
What's there to handle? The situation already handled itself. This is a friend zone that he wants to turn to friends with benefits zone.
ReplyDeleteDon't be gullible, sis.
Even inviting him and him staying in a hotel is still the same thing. It's sex and nothing more.
DeletePoster a low the friendship and keep chatting and talking on the phone. Don't invite him and don't go visiting unless you have a different place to stay. Whet his appetite for you and give him opportunity to see the "keeper value" in you before anything.
As Prexian said, he wants a friend with benefit and NOTHING MORE!
DO NOT BE AFRAID OF LOOSING HIM. He can smell your eagerness already. Find a way and distract yourself.
If he is serious about you he will visit, stay in his family house, visit you at home and invite you to visit him in his family house.
Poster, please forget about him, he's not in any way a keeper! His type will sleep with you and when you ask him to define the relationship, he'd tell you things that would make you cry and still blame you for crying.
DeleteMy dear, I can conveniently tell you that he is not your "Ekene" so please keep your "#200 change" to avoid stories that touch the heart...
Mama Mia, you've got me laughing on this one.
Delete- Ekene
I see the reason most girls are lonely and sad. Nigeria girls never still grab sense. Stella advise fit kill witch.when Teddy A was fucking Bam in the toilet, you guys said all nonsense and even calling her a fool, but today he is married to her and he respects her. Miracle and the other fuck for room, but today how far? You that is asking for advise, because you fair say he go fuck you, are you a virgin? Who go marry you go marry you fuck or no fuck, but I advise you fuck him if your into him. No need to pretend.
DeleteI think 18.20 is right o. Just give it your best and enjoy yourself to the very fullest. If it happens, fine. If not, at least you had FUN.
DeleteGood luck.
When I met my husband he was in Abuja and I Lagos. We had never met in person only phone when I travelled from Lagos to Abuja to see him. Though we have mutual friend that introduced us. I also know his sister so I knew I can't be used for rituals.
DeleteHe too didn't want to come the first time. He just sent flight money and we even stayed in a hotel together cos he stayed with his parents. Though he was working.
He visited Lagos next and we alternated visits. We got married 1yr after meeting. Mind you we were already discussing marriage from before I even travelled to Abuja we were dating and discussing marriage before seeing. Cos he was really ready to marry. He was 33 and his junior sister was already married with kids.
For some of us it works out fine. But this your man talking for 9yrs I don't get.
Signs he wants the PUSSY only. 1. He can’t sacrifice a weekend for u, u ain’t worth nothing to him. 2. He wants u were he can fuck u as he pleases without guilt, inviting u far away from his and ur relative, all d way to were u can’t say STOP cos he might Rape u silly 3. He stopped calling, nwanne Far more beautiful girls full Abj nah. Na u ? Local babe he wan Dey wait time with? Either u come fuck or pls stop disturbing my phone. Local bush gal( for him mind )
DeleteSigns he is sent from d devil to destroy. 1 this is festive season, umu boys r coming in to search for wives, there is possibility ur husband may b coming home this Yelitude. If he fucks u and happens to know who makes Gtb b interested in u, his type will SPOIL ur name!!! No b Enugu boys again? Umu 042???? Chop and broadcast!!! Who knows maybe someone is loving u and he knows about it but want to scatter d Toto 1st
My advice, carry ur finger, find better porn , close curtains, touch urself very very very well once u cum. Trust me his toys will stay away for awhile or better still find an old flame who respects u and fuck till u r full. That boy na Bastard o. Umu Enugu no b am o.
Stella it can happen both ways, he might just want to sleep and dump you, or you guys might meet and he'll be head over heels. Just weigh your options and listen to your instincts. I am very timid when it comes to meeting men and I've lost some good men as a result of that, I don't want to have regrets and I keep praying I don't grow old with hairs cos of my timidity.
ReplyDeleteYou are a learner Chielo. If you follow this your own advise you just gave, you will be sleeping with a lot of unserious men. Be careful!
DeleteNne Chielo this your school of thought is somehow. I know some guys might still show some level of seriousness or even define the relationship then still bang her and dump afterwards. There is no manual for relationship. Just have to pray let unserious guys not come your way at all.
DeleteShe is right. He could sleep her and it will happen
DeleteI never said I went on those trips, and I am yet to eat that liver that will make me go on such trips.
DeleteChielo darling, don't worry. It's your nature to be that disciplined not timidity. You remind me of myself when I was single. I had to start praying that my husband locate me in my house. Guess what? I met my darling through my best friends mother in Law while I stayed with my friend to nurse her through a difficult 1st pregnancy, baby sat and nursed her through her 2nd pregnancy. Her husband's family were just blown away that they didn't know a girl can be homely and successful in this Abuja. Meanwhile I was having fun and was satisfied I didn't have to always go sleep lonely in my house everyday.
DeleteJust keep to your nature and yours will find you. Outgoing girls too will find theirs the way their nature have programmed them.
So relax
Thanks Sapphire.
Delete@Candix very somehow... lols
Sapphire u r one lucky woman!!! Mine never did. Just had to birth b4 womb block. U r very very lucky
DeleteDon't go...if a man wants something to start with you,him coming to see you shouldn't be something to debate or argue about.
ReplyDeleteEven if he is just friend.
Thank you very much...Poster you dey hear..
DeleteBigBanty the world is not yours or his. they are many girls Willing to bed him for free, just as they are many guys who would want to die for her. In all of this is her heart that matters.the truth is simple a guy most pick something to want to wife you. For a woman you have to be unique which most girls are not.as long as they have Pussy they think the world starts and end with having a pussy.meanwhile they have millions of girls that have pussy too. So he go fuck me or he no go fuck me should not be the issue, my guy marry a girl he met and slept with on the first date. My friend at work wanted to just have sex with his girl Friend then and move on, but he got hooked today she is his wife. He said it him self that na play come him mind when he first met her, but knowing her well made him realized she was the one. Some guy say no sex act nice even meet your parent's, chop finish clean mouth Waka.you go hold am?
DeleteThat dude wants to host your toh😮😮
ReplyDeleteooo and you are asking us ajujus eh?
If you want to write another chronicle...
"sdk, that dude raped me and I now have belle, shall I shoot it off...or suffocate it???😮😮😮
Note that nobody will think you serious when you carry your two legs to
go to his house to be "hosted".
See as you were busy finding excuse for him why he can't come to the East where you are?
And who told you that "liking someone" is good enough for marriage?
If it is not (unconditional) love, it is not love and it is not enough.
🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Please don't go. What if something else happens? Are you not afraid of the evils that is going on? For 9 years, a lot of things must have changed about him. Please stay in your east(its a staying thing). If he loves you or have any feelings for you, he will come over.
ReplyDeleteWhich evil? Abeg stop this backward thinking shit. Like every man that ask a girl to visit has a bad motive.
Deletepls my dear, since he stopped calling you after u asked him to come and he refused,then stop calling him and stop showing him green light until he takes u serious.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself for true love shall locate u.
Green light this!! Green light that!!! Even traffic light changes to red to regulate traffic...Are you not tired of showing green...Guard your heart and use your head...
DeleteI don’t see why you can’t visit him.
ReplyDeleteBeing a man does not mean he must visit you first. You can visit first and it won’t make you feel less.
You have known him for a long time...doesn’t mean you should let your guard down though.
How old are you?
You visit this man, he tries to sleep with you, you tell him NO, that’s not what you are there for.
You can leave back to your base next day if you don’t feel comfortable.
Sluttychic I would have supported her going to see him if the said guy shows a sense of belonging and responsibility but according to the poster,nothing of such..... If he shows how serious or he was able to define the relationship he wants with her I see no big deal in her going down there since she said he is unless busy... What's the point of her going exactly when the guy hasn't established what relationship they have?
DeleteI understand your point banty. Some men need a little push you know.
DeleteCould be he is the timid type and her presence can do some magic.
Like I said, if she’s not comfortable being around him, she can leave. She won’t lose anything.
Slutty chic i dont agree oh...She does not know him at all..even people that are known by close family do despicable things talkless this man...I dont trust that man at all..
DeleteThe guys does it show any sign of seriousness,
DeleteThe journey is far,
Again some men with low IQ feel a woman is cheap if she goes all out of her way.
Slutty not every man hears once you're in their 'den'. What if he rapes her?
DeleteThank you slutty, I don't know why she can't visit. Like its rule and regulations that a man must be the one to visit first.
DeleteI don't know who made it a must
Don I didn't expect a different answer from you...You are probably like this man with entitlement mentality about women.
DeleteSlutty, I think you have plenty of learning to do in regards to human behavior!
Delete'If he tries to sleep with you, you tell him no, that's not what you came for' and he would just leave her alone? If everyone behaves that way, then rapists must be extraterrestrial!
My dear, if anything should go wrong during that visit, even the police would dismiss the case...
Mama Mia, I take exception to your advice.
DeleteI think I am grown enough to know what’s right. We are all entitled to our opinions, but next time, when it relays to my comment, please keep your advice to yourself and stay off my comments.
I agree with mama mia. Poster it is better to be safe than sorry. If you travel and things go wrong, you will be blamed for going there in the first place. No bv will be there to save you. Of course things may not go wrong, but obviously you are not sure and I believe your instincts are kicking in, hence this chronicle. If he were serious, why would he just stop communication because you refuse to go meet him? Why should he expect you to do what he can't do? Going is a risk. I am advising you as I would my sister.
DeleteWhether offshore or not , a person who trully wants something meaningful will come see you even if it is just for an hour. Sha your eyes. Also do not contact him. It will only make you look desperate
ReplyDeletePlease listen to what others have said and don't go. An Ibo man for that matter...he knows the proper. way to do things if he is serious. He really just wants to gbensh you. Your friend is so right...he can stay in a hotel for the weekend if he doesn't want to stay at home. My dear if you go to visit him first then you are giving him the upper hand in wateva it is you guys have...you will be collecting the shorter end of the stick.
ReplyDeletefeel the reason he doesn't want to come down is because he gets to stay in their family house for a man his age" This you comment got me upset. Did you say "you feel" get rid of your emotive side and use your logical side for once women. Look at how you are making excuses for a mansend you. So he can't stay a few days in his family house like it's a crime ba? Or is he going to stay there forever? he can't get an hotel for the time being too. Please suit yourself🚶♂️
ReplyDeleteHmmm Beware of such men...Let him come and see you...Look if a man is interested in you, he should be the one to make the first move and making plans to come and see you...The only green light is inviting you over...That man will sleep with you and forget about it or make you a baby mama...Then he will start having kids from the 36 states of the country...Dont go, I beg you...Ember month is upon us..
ReplyDelete9 years ago till now... you suppose don get sense naa hanty.
ReplyDeleteIf he agrees to lodge you,you can go.In all follow your heart.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster,
ReplyDeleteTruth is that many have followed this route, some succeeded and some dumped afterwards or killed. My dear let him come to your base then he can lodge in a hotel.
If you must travel please bear in mind that he must ask for sex or get ready to do world war II, if you ain't ready for such nonsense respect your self and stay put where you are.
Did u enter into his heart to know if he's been careful about getting into his feelings???
ReplyDeleteIt's either heart break is not ok for you or you have not been broken hearted.
If there is one thing I know about a real man,they go for what they want cos they believe in it.
Have u seen a man in love????
Yours will come,be patient.he is just a distraction.
My dear this love you are feeling, please save it for a more deserving man or wait until this one falls in love with you too. As at now, he's not yet into you.; he wants to hit and run. Please don't fall a victim.
ReplyDeleteVICTIM OF WHAT? SEX? LMAO.
DeleteAnon 16:31 of course you can't think beyond the one minute pleasure that comes with sex. She shouldn't fall victim of all the emotional turmoil. The laugh is on you.
DeletePlenty risks she can become a victim of, not just sex. Eg rape, rituals, murder, STIs (some incurable), being filmed in the nude without her knowledge, being drugged, getting impregnated, having bad sex, having no sex but being treated badly, eg being left stranded. The list is long abeg...... Can you guarantee none of these will happen? Remember she doesn't really know the guy.
DeleteIf you get him a hotel & he comes visiting, won't you still visit him there? What's the probability that he won't have sex with you while you're visiting? After that, what's next? He'll most likely ghost you when he leaves.
ReplyDeleteI'll advice you stop communicating with him, he's not into you, he doesn't come across as someone who wants something serious.
Guard your heart sis. I won't be surprised if he just want to do one more "away" before he gets married.
when a guy insists you must come over,it's most likely he has prepared his body soul and spirit for marathon illegitimate pounding. Put on your microscope and observe him from afar
ReplyDeleteIf u know u just wanna bang n have fun without feeling like he used you, then go, but if you know you will not bang or if he bangs you and nothing comes of it you will feel bad, then close ya legs a d stay at home.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteWe Africans our mind is just too corrupt! that is why it's difficult for a boy and a girl to be close friends without people gossiping about them gbenshing. What is wrong in a lady visiting a male friend? So what if sex happen? Are they not people who do one night with total strangers. Dear poster go and visit him and remove sex from your mind. You can visit him when you are on your period and his reaction will tell if he want sex or not. Dear poster try and visit him after all married men still divorce their wives after many years together.
ReplyDeleteHere comes the only open minded person of the universe. Just read over what you've written and ask yourself if you will be telling your daughter that if poster was your daughter.
DeleteWhat if they had sex you asked? Did the poster tell you she's looking for just sex? Some of you are so careless and think you are wise. Ever heard the word DIGNITY? Ever heard of rape or STI and STDs?
Our mind is corrupt because our country is corrupt. Shouldn't you be more concerned about her safety than the sex?
DeleteAnd clearly, she's not looking to have sex or one night stand with this guy. She's conflicted about his feelings for her much more than the visiting.
Stay with the OP, you are deviating.
Go and visit him, there's nnothing bad doing that, it's If yo7re everytime you will be expecting a guy to come to town first and visit you.you're not Go and visit him, there's nnothing bad doing that, it's not everytime you will be expecting a guy to come to town first and visit you.
ReplyDeletegoing, another serious girl will be courageous enough to go, you can stay in your village there. u
Poster, this man isn't into you.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, who stops communicating because you couldn't go to him.
Free him for now, I bet you have been the one reaching out.
And please what's all these "my friend told me" chronicles everyday. Have a mind of your own and learn to make your own decisions. That way, you don't go blaming others when things don't work out.
Shoot your shot. Go and maybe pretend to be a mermaid or you become a froggie.
ReplyDeleteposter guys are not be wise
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong visiting if you know your stand in the relationship. I visited first in same state n today we're happily married
ReplyDelete"the only green light he's giving me so far is inviting me"
DeleteThat sentence sums her stand in the 'relationship'.
His work but he has an off shore-on-shore kind of work. Most people in that type of job role do four weeks offshore and have another weeks off. So my dear, it's definitely NOT work that's stopping him from coming. They have plenty off days for that kind of job.
ReplyDeleteHE JUST DOESN'T WANNA COME VISIT YOU. He doesn't want to make that trip and in the end it didn't worth it.
Same thing happened to my friend. I adviced her to let the guy come to her base instead. The guy was so smitten, he actually flew down to her base to prove he was genuinely interested in her....well that was the only part of my advice she listened to. I told her, don't sleep with him o, this dude is my friend, I know him, the fact he flew to see u shows me he's deeply into u, but please close your legs.Let him continue to get to know u.this dude is rich and has too many girls hustling him,so just hang out a lot and have fun,let him see the you I know. I even told her the reason why he was coming to see her was cus he wanted to ask her out officially and in a special way. I hooked them up on the phone. Anyway,My friend no hear. He got there,she saw a fine, fresh man and from that night they gbenshed all through the weekend,he came back to our base and he dumped her.Now I don't speak to him anymore cus I'm so unhappy about his action, and she doesnt speak to me cus she says I introduced her to an arse. But I swear I knew how much he was into her.... He just wanted a girl to say No to him, but my friend didn't listen to me.now I made two enemies just from being an unlicensed matchmaker.....anyway that's by the way.
ReplyDeleteMy point is, whether he comes or u go proves nothing really, can u keep your legs closed and your kponyo inactive?
At the end of the day, follow your instincts and close ur something. And if u decide to go, make sure he lodges you in a good hotel, if not , na u sabi o.
This thing happened to someone very very close to me.
DeleteAwwww. Your guy friend is lowkey an ass tho! Or like you said, he was just smitten/infatuated and sex helped him get it out of his system
DeleteHe's not just that into you, if not he wouldn't stop communication because you said no.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if you know you can hold yourself if you get there, then go. If you really like him, please go and establish sth. Out of sight is out of heart for people who are not dating, so you can actually go and give it a shot.
Besides, I don't why you guys see sex as a big taboo. Most of you sleep with your girlfriends and boyfriends, what makes you different from someone who just had sex with someone she/he hopes to start a relationship. What if it didn't work out, SO WHAT? It was sex you had, you didn't kill anyone. Some people also got married after having sex on their first dates.
I'm only concerned about the guy killing you. If you know he won't kill you, you can give it a shot. Go to Abuja! You trip might rekindle something sth you both will live to enjoy.
Yeah like if he was a serial killer, he would gladly volunteer that info to her. Do you not read the news? Your advice doesn't seem wise abeg.
DeleteHe's not just that into you, if not he wouldn't stop communication because you said no.
ReplyDeleteHowever, if you know you can hold yourself if you get there, then go. If you really like him, please go and establish sth. Out of sight is out of heart for people who are not dating, so you can actually go and give it a shot.
Besides, I don't why you guys see sex as a big taboo. Most of you sleep with your girlfriends and boyfriends, what makes you different from someone who just had sex with someone she/he hopes to start a relationship. What if it didn't work out, SO WHAT? It was sex you had, you didn't kill anyone. Some people also got married after having sex on their first dates.
I'm only concerned about the guy killing you. If you know he won't kill you, you can give it a shot. Go to Abuja! You trip might rekindle something sth you both will live to enjoy.
Dear Poster, i use God and beg you, biko don't go. i know when a woman starts developing feelings for a man most times we tend to reason off side, i learnt my own lessons the hard way ehn. i learnt also from my friend experience that when a man sincerely wants a woman no mountain is too high for him to climb. He will cross the darkest and most turbulent seas just to get to her. Please raise your head up high, your own man will come. You can travel to see him if there's already a well defined steady relationship between you both but with the way it is according to your chronicles biko just patch your yansh in your house. Your own man will come in Jesus name and stop giving him green light until he shines his own green light towards you... 2020 in a bit don't let them count you among goals scored this 2019. Guy man doesn't sound serious. forgive any typo. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteCoconut your wrong, in your case you dint play ur card well, you dint make ur self special. With your experience are you saying all the girls that are married today never visited their boyfriends or never had sex till he said I want to marry you?
DeleteI visited my own guy from the UK to Nigeria, and now we are happily married.
ReplyDeleteNo fast rule for all these.
Tbh this was my story. I visited my then bf here in the UK. He proposed 4 months after
DeleteLol same here. visited mine from USA to naija but relationship was well defined before traveling. Great sex first night! We’re married today. Poster is still showing green light, nothing defined yet. So it’s a NO. Do not go. Update us In a few weeks abeg.
Deleteyou must be desperate looking for a guy to love you. For 9 good year both of you are there doing anyhow, school and graduation with NYSC is like 7 years if i may say. Yet you have spend up to 9 years without anything meaningful yet you are still wasting time to consider visiting him. Weldon haunty way never see prick before.
ReplyDeleteThere's no hard and fast rule about who visits who first. But as what and for what? How do you just pick your bag, enter bus or plane to go and see someone you don't know for no discernible reason? Even with a female acquaintance, you don't try that. To prevent "she was last seen" stories.
ReplyDeleteListen, a man you've been chatting with on and off for nine years is not the same as a man you've known for nine years! You don't know this man you almost dated before, that you are still not dating.
Please, stop making excuses for men whose minds you can't even read. He's careful about getting into his feelings, who told you? I don't think you've met a man in love before.
And is it this Abuja that residents are wary of security situation, that you want to jump up and travel to visit man you don't know? With December around the corner, too!
May your husband locate you. Cos the one that made you send this chronicle isn't even behaving like quarter yard sef of husband material.
My only advise is not to call him up now and say you want to visit. Wait till you guys restart communication again, if it comes up, please go.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong in a woman visiting a man. My roommate visited his now husband then first, today they are both balling in their home, happily married,
IMO, no rule is set in stone. You can visit him but only sleep with him because you want to not because you felt you had to or you were pressured to. You can see it as a getaway for yourself but hold on to your dignity and stay in a hotel and No he cannot sleep or stay over.
ReplyDeleteor better still dont go and insist he comes to see you
In my case, I have done things either way
If he is having sleepless night because of you, he will find a way to satisfy his sight and rekindle whatever is missing between you both.
ReplyDeleteHe is suppose to make that move first as per African man ( going for what they want). I am not sure he is ready to start something serious with you yet.
Update us in a few weeks poster!
ReplyDeletepretenders everywhere..please go.. if u like him enough to have sex. fine.. if u dont insist o being a mermaid and come back immediately...
ReplyDeleteDear poster,left for me I say follow your heart,things are not always the way we think it a times,I remember when I was single my husband then my friend invited me to his base,After giving it a thought, I decided to go,when I got there,I couldn't find myself to sleep in his house,I went to my uncle's place to pass the night.from there I visit my boy friend .This was going on for days until the day I decided to go back to my base,Bob form sicknessoo,threaten that if I go back without passing at least one in his house he was call the relationship off.call it out of fear or pity I passed the night at his place that day, but believe you me guy man is a responsible man which was one of the qualities that attracted me to in the first place. I slept in his apartment that night on the same bed and nothing really happened between us that very night. Not that he didn't try to,but I told him in plain language that I wasn't ready for yet and he respected that decision of mine.the next morning I traveled back to my base.that single step I made speed up everything about our marriage and here we are today 15years and still waxing strong, In a nutshell my dear you know him better than all of us,just follow your instinct. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteBlack Guys are stupid. This lady above my comment visited her bf and gbensh, but the man married her thinking she was a mermaid. Men, dont judge a woman with how quick she release her pussy, look at the character instead. Stupidity of humans, judging a book by its cover. One day una go marry ex olosho because of pretending. My bf and i fucked on the first day, but he still likes me irrespective. He is a white man.
ReplyDelete