Hmmm!!!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MAN WITH A BABY WISH
Please help me post.
My boyfriend and I have been going through this issue for months now and I am getting confused.
Dated for years now and he has always mentioned wanting to leave Nigeria. Now he has the opportunity to leave by January to Study and he intends working over there(Canada). He wants me to have a baby for him before he leaves.
Why?? As an assurance I won't leave him while he's gone and age isn't on his side (33yrs)He's promising to come back for me.
Please note we've done introduction. Registry by Dec/January. I have compromised having a church wedding for him. What more would I sacrifice????
For me,I don't want a baby yet cause I can't cater for one while he's gone, if he would get a job over there soon,we don't know yet.
my salary is 40k, how can I cope with a baby??
I don't know how long before he comes back or if I would join him
Dear Bvs,I need your advise.
He is really obsessed with having a baby, he even sent me articles on kids and pregnancy...
*If you want a baby,let it be that it is what you want and be ready to sacrifice all and look after the baby but do not ever let any man convince you into having a baby if you are not psychologically ready for one.....
Age isn't on his side as per what? He will hit menopause by 35? Or 40 or 50? Which kind excuse is that?
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂 @ hit ménopause 🤣 chaiiiii.
DeleteThis guy is such a scammer don't worry. Instead of him thinking and talking about how u can come over there and birth a Canadian citizen, he's talking about you getting pregnant and having your baby here.. Please don't succumb to his lies/deceit o. That sacrifice is too much for you to risk abeg.
DeleteNo be small menopause 😂
DeleteThat is how my ex was so desperate to have a baby with me cos he is 38. Whether its format to be having unprotected sex, I didn't agree. He said only way I can prove my love to him, I didn't still agree. don't plan to be a baby mama.
DeleteMonths later he started being distant and funny, maybe he found someone else. I just stopped calling him, we never broke up, just stopped talking. By then I already even met someone else much better than him. These men will say anything.
Don't mind him
DeleteNa menoplay dey dey disturb am
No carry belle o
Dear poster,note by the time you do registry I hope you know you will be legally married. So which is he wants to know if you would wait...
ReplyDeletelady T Same thought that came to my mind. I guess you both will be husband and wife before he leaves. So why is he scared that you won't wait for him?
DeleteI live in Canada. I am an international student. I believe you can join him while he's studying. So that's not a big deal. All he needs is to bring you over as his spouse and they will give you a visa to come. You will even be given the opportunity to work when you arrive. So don't panic.
ReplyDeleteOpportunity to working with a visitor's Visa?She cannot work legally in Canada with a visitor's Visa.
DeleteShes going in as a spouse to a student.And yes she will be given a visa with work permit.
DeleteThey know they have Bills to pay
You can work as the spouse of a student and you are also entitled to healthcare. Let him apply for you immediately he resumes school except it's not a student visa. Dont let anyone tie you down like that, I live in Canada so I know.
DeleteI live in Canada and i know he has the opportunity of bringing you over as his spouse but pls wait till you get here before getting pregnant where your baby will have better opportunities.
DeleteBesides your going to join him in Canada is not automatic because i have friends who are in this shoes and their spouses still in Nigeria even after 1 year of being in Canada.
if he is asking for a baby as a ticket to hold you down so that no man will take you away from him, tell him to do a wedding with you first before getting you pregnant.
ReplyDeleteHas he paid your bride price?
ReplyDeleteIf the answer is "yes" then he is
your husband and not your boyfriend inugo?
If he can't trust you to remain faithful and wait for him, then
the marriage's foundation is set on
a porous ditch.
Why do Naija dudes behave this way?
Ajujuoo 😊😊
Na because of wetin Naija sisis dey carry them nyanshes do ooo
No be for this blog we read one Sisi write sdk say the boyfriend dey return
from USA by December as im leave January. Between January and December,
Sisi don chop belleful for another man, deliver come dey ask sdk "can
I suffocate him?" 😮😮😮
So please understand why the dude wan fill the place up.
But if he has not paid bride price, he has no legitimate right for a legitimacy -except of course you have
been dolling out cookies like waitress.
Please discuss with him and close the jar, let him learn to trust and obey...for there is no other way to be happy in Jesus...
😊😊😊😊 Ndi uta how far?
Better than I could put it.
DeleteANG I hope you won't kill me with your funny comments
DeleteDon't do that please. If you leave him and marry another, then that means you both weren't meant to be. People tend to create problems for themselves by trying to map out their lives.
ReplyDeleteNobody knows tomorrow and humans aren't all that reliable. He is trying to safeguard his own end at your detriment. Please don't allow it. He could go over there and find someone else all in a bid to avoid returning to Nigeria and you as a lady will be at the receiving end of the stick. Be wise.
Debra.
Take Debra's advice.After completing his studies,most of them will get married for permanent residency.
DeleteYou're wrong. After completing his studies, he will apply for a postgraduate work permit. If he's able to work for about a year, he will apply for permanent residence. I live here. Except if he runs out of status that's when he will be looking for who to marry him. But if he follows the rules, then he's good.
DeleteAnon 19:11, please don't mislead people, not every job is eligible for PR. That was how I was misled and went through an experience I can't begin to describe 😠
DeleteVery true Anon 00:40. Not every job is eligible for PR.
DeleteRegistry by Dec/Jan means y'all would be married by then. What is he saying about child's upkeep?
ReplyDeleteWhat are both of your parents opinions about this?
Are you ready to be a single parent for a while even with financial support?
If you ain't ready for a baby, sis..don't have one.
By December/January, you will be married to him, so what’s the fuss about not ready for a kid yet?
ReplyDeleteIf he leaves without you getting pregnant, it’s going to be difficult. If you have a baby, you won’t feel all that lonely you know.
As for your upkeep, that can be arranged now. A responsible man will not abandon his wife and kid to suffer.
Or you can call off the registry since you are not sure about going to over there to meet him or when you will see him again.
Just sacrifice what you know you can live with.
Please there should be some sort of financial security before the baby talk. Having a child is not a joke and the woman has to sacrifice A LOT in an ideal situation. So imagine him being over there and all the uncertainties coupled with a child.
ReplyDeleteIt should be your decision, don't make all the sacrifices and end up bitter. You guys are not even married yet. Introduction isn't marriage, he's leaving in January, your Registry thingy is still January, my dear it's still tentative, you are single o. There's no column for Marital Status like 'INTRODUCED'. Don't get pregnant, you are single.
Don't have a baby now. Don't start stressing your mum for omugbo. If he can't trust you now, he won't trust you again
ReplyDeleteTell him when he comes back, both of you will do the planning.
Since he is travelling, my dear get plan B. Don't put all your hope on him.
You can never trust men
Which age are you talking about. Please never ever bring an innocent baby into this world if you are not buoyant enough.
ReplyDeletePoster go with your conscience and intuition if its not right to you, its not right...Really a 33 yr old man saying he is getting old?? What a lame excuse..Please don't get pregnant for any man..Have you done traditional wedding cause with that you are already married to him...Let him do the marriage rites so you can join him over there so as to avoid stories that touch...
ReplyDeleteDon't you ever try such...a word is enough for the wise
ReplyDelete“He is really obsessed with having a baby”
ReplyDeleteOf course when he won’t be the one to be termed “baby mama” and ridiculed. Pregnancy or labour pains, he won’t experience but the child will beat his name. Then after 20 years when baby is grown and making money to take care of you he’d walk in to claim “his child”. He wants to use registry to deceive you, if he is really serious then he’d wait until you both are well married and can live together to have a child. Never knew men worried about their ages as a determinant for having babies. Person wey no get work and still going abroad to study at 32 is stressing someone to have a baby. Anyway, you women never listen. You’d still do what bobo wants.
Every time “age is not on my or his side” okay sorry methuselahs but please talk a walk to any shop that stocks baby things and check their cost. He wants to knock you up and be telephone parenting, why the rush? You better get him to use a condom if being a mermaid would be hard for you.
*33
DeleteNne please don't, I mean DO NOT!.I will tell my story when I come back!.
ReplyDeletePlease ooo... Come and tell us your story so we cam learn from it.
DeleteYou don't know how long he's going to be away and yet you accepted to marry him? What if he stays out there for ten years, would you wait? I think it's wrong to tie yourself down like that. You should have held off on that wedding till he returns or gets his papers at least. That way if he doesn't come back you find yourself another man. Good luck to you both.
ReplyDeleteAbiooo, that was how my husband's nephew did introduction and traditional marriage with one babe before travelling to SA. She even had a baby boy for him. The guy is married to a Southafrican woman now, and they have kids together. The other lady was lucky to latee get married with the boy because not every man can take up another person's responsibility except God intervenes.
DeleteAkuko… Lol @sending articles on kids and pregnancy... Tell him you truly love him and you're ready to wait for him. Why should love be tied to a condition? Don't make the mistake o. He should be talking about getting there, starting a life and sending for you not you getting pregnant. Who does he want to tie down? Him that is going to a more civilised environment, what's the assurance he will come back for you and the baby? he's just a joker aswear...
ReplyDeleteu can go with him if you've done court marriage, check the Canadian immigration website for details
ReplyDeletedon't accept to give birth to his child when he hasn't taking u over, don't do what you would regret
ReplyDeleteIt would be unwise to have a baby before he leaves. Travelling such a far distance and different culture can totally change any human. He could very well fall in love with someone else and so can you while you guys are so physically and impossibly far away from each other.
ReplyDeleteI would advise you to begin to forget about him. I'm not saying he'll cheat or you will but, let's be honest you aren't the first couple to be in this situation, you're not even the ten thousandth.
At this point, say your goodbyes and keep communicating with each other, and if you guys still feel the sparks as the years go by and can finally be together either in naija or Canada, good luck. Otherwise, have it at the back of your mind that your relationship is over.
Shalom
Spot On👌
Delete👍👍👍
Deleteu nor wan born Canadian citizen, which one is u should give birth here abi u nor like better thing
ReplyDeleteu guys would have don't registry and go together, the details are on their site, they don't separate families unlike the us
ReplyDeletewhat if he sees someone else over there and leaves you, open your eyes
ReplyDeleteYou are the one that knows how strong your relationship is. Sometimes these men don't think things through. Is he going to be sending you money to take care of the baby? This one he is just thinking of love and not loosing you. Is he going to get a job as soon as he gets there ? And there are hours he's allowed to work as a student,so he may not earn much.
ReplyDeleteIf you are to get pregnant at all. Do it after your court marriage. It will also help incase he needs to file for you in the future.
I know a girl that got pregnant for a guy just before he left for the U.S. with promise of returning for her. He's now married to someone else there and said he fell out of love. No marriage so they were not bound together. She's a single mother here now.
The choice is yours but with the amount you are earning,dis having a child isn't the best idea. Let him marry you first and settle down and earn money before baby talk.
Don't try it.anything can happen
ReplyDeleteFollow your instinct poster.
ReplyDeleteDo not get pregnant o, tell him that he should send for you when he gets there. If he cannot take your words that you would wait for him till he sends for you- A year maximum, then let him be. Do not let anything or anyone tie you down.
ReplyDeleteA word is enough for the wise.
Some of you did not read the poster chronicle to understand! The poster is gonna be a married woman by December, so getting pregnant should not be a problem. She is not going to be tagged a baby mama.
ReplyDeleteShe can travel to join her husband in Canada and even have her baby in Canada. She can join her husband anytime and get a job when she's ready to.
Poster, if you love this man (I believe he love you and doesn't want to lose you too) have a conversation with him about all the process that you both will have to go through when he's gone and you're pregnant, ask him if he will want you to join him let's say, three or four months after his departure to Canada... If you're not able to join him immediately, who will be shouldering your finances.. important questions and talks.
You both have the opportunity to be successful with or without a baby.
The person you're talking about is not just a boyfriend that is promising you marriage, is someone that is already on the marriage train with you.
In all that you do, make sure you pray for peace and guidance.
Introduction and registry doesn’t mean anything.
DeleteShe earns 40k, he is going to Canada to “study” and work on the side. What’s the guarantee that he’d get a good job that would feed him enough to take care of his wife and baby? She can as well be pregnant at the moment and registry is in December, he can still call it off. People call off engagements daily after introduction and what not.
Money is needed and I do not support new couples starting life apart. Let him go and send her over when he settles, doesn’t he want to birth a citizen? The way he is “obsessed” with having a baby sounds dubious. Out of sight is out of mind, he gets her pregnant and then falls in love with someone else. What happens to her and the baby? Babies are expensive and not something you should have on a whim or hunch, this is why lots of married people with kids are running around taking loans because they didn’t plan.
Marriage is not only for procreation, get married and plan ahead. It’s not when baby is clocking three years old you’d start biting your fingers wondering where school fees money will come from. Anyway, all the best to the couple. No be today men start to use “marriage” to deceive women.
THANK YOU!!!!
DeleteIf she is having second doubts about having a baby with a man that will be her husband in a few weeks, then she has no business marrying him.
A registry wedding is a legally bidding marriage!! It is recognized, internationally - unlike traditional weddings.
Dear Poster, in case you do not know, you will be his official wife in December/January. If you were to separate, you will need to go to court to get a divorce. Returning of bride price will not suffice. If he were to get married to someone in Canada, you could file charges against him for bigamy.
They have no business getting pregnant immediately after marriage without a solid foundation period!! Whether in Canada or Nigeria
DeleteIf he wants to marry her fine but take her along with you. She can work while you study and get their feet on the ground, then think of getting pregnant in a year or two!! What kind of pressure do we put on our selves as Nigerians?? Setting your self up for a life of stress and worry if they jump into having a baby
This is between the two of you. Have a heart to heart talk. Let him tell you his plans for you. I think he loves you and wants to be with you. But for the baby, let him relax and when he's ready, let him get you over to Canada. This wont take him more than one year to do. Anything is possible abroad. Forget the saying that I have someone back home, he might just meet someone else and forget about u.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you hundred percent
DeleteIf i am the guy,i will not do any registry stuffs with this poster,no need o,mr man travel and let the poster be,she aint ready for marriage yet,poster abeg leave the guy alone,tell him you are not comfortable with him travelling and leaving you behind,the truth is bitter.
ReplyDeletePoster you guys will have a court marriage soon and you won't know if he will becoming back to you. Nne you are confused ooo. Please check your self first if you want to be married to him. And for having kids my advice is a no. Do not have kids now till you guys are financially stable. That's if you still get married to him. And know you guys have the whole time on your side to have kids
ReplyDeleteDear poster, if you guys do registry you can join him with a work permit. In canada the other spouse is entitled to a work permit while the other is in schoool. So yes you can join him almost immediately if you want. And you give birth to your baby free of charge with a canadian citizenship. though child care is not cheap but you can use the child benefit you get to add up.
ReplyDeleteExactly, I dont see the issue with their situation. She will get a work permit within a twinkle of an eye, it's like killing two birds with one stone. Did he even do his research at all?
DeletePoster you have not given enough background information for one to know what to advice. How old are you? He is 33 and you 'dated for years'. So why is time not on his side?
ReplyDeleteThe guy wants to be sure you are fertile before he commits. (You didnt say but have you aborted before such that he is now afraid you are damaged goods?) If not he leaves and that is that...
A 33 year old man is not old, if your not ready to be pregnant then don't.
ReplyDeletePoster I hope you get to read this,having a baby is the most stressful,draining thankless job in the whole world,doing it alone is double the work,even when you have money it's hard and on 40k a month you will see shege,marry him if you must but hold out on kids I'm begging you,I'm talking from experience,I was you 3 years ago,we are broken up now and I'm a single mum slaving away,they almost always change when they get there
ReplyDeletePoster if you love him please do the registry and begin to plan to join him as his spouse, you will be given a visa as his spouse so do not worry.
ReplyDeleteDon't get pregnant yet just marry and when you join him you get pregnant.
I'm amazed at the way people reason in 2019 in this our country. Poster, Don't get pregnant. Nigeria is hard and no one should have a child without financial planning. I'm a single lady and feeding myself is hard enough. Forget those telling you to gave a child for him....your worries are valid.
ReplyDeleteYou have power over your uterus. Don't have a baby when you know that you are not ready. Even if you are a married woman by December and you know that your finances isn't strong enough then don't have a baby! You will have that child all by yourself. If your man was very financially stable then it can work out because you will use your money to get the best care but unfortunately this isn't the case.
ReplyDeletePoster from experience to cater for a baby ain't easy o what if you birth multiple nko? Went for baby shopping recently and spent 200k still things never complete. The emotional support needed nko? Even though my husband was with me all the way still wasn't easy, so poster think twice don't let any man make you do what you ain't ready for cos I'm even me that thought I was ready it still wasn't easy. THINK TWICE
ReplyDeleteHmmm this matter right here is sensitive.
ReplyDeleteFirst you and your man has got serious trust issues. He doesn't trust you ,he thinks you might play around & even find someone better even after you both would have gone through the registry marriage ,intro & then leaving you back in Nigeria.
You on the other hand don't trust him cos you think he might abandon you once he gets to Canada, you don't trust him to make it get successful there, you don't want to know about the conditions surrounding his travel to Canada(if not you would have been able to know whether its a package that will enable you both be there together as a couple/family in no distant time), Which brings me to ask what kinda relationship have you both been nurturing all those years with so much distrust.
And then what do you mean by I sacrificed wedding for him,is registry marriage & traditional marriage not same as wedding? I mean this is your future you are planning & you both need to be on same page, what matters is you both having a strong and balanced family at the end.
So you both should calm down and talk about what you truly want from this thing you both have & find a point of agreement.
You are entitled to open spousal work permit, if your husband is an international student in canada and you are legally married. You can work fulltime.I am 100% sure of this as I did it for my husband and plenty of my clasmate do also.
ReplyDeleteAlso if you get a job in noc OAB in Canada,work for one year and have work experience from naija you can even get pr as a family before your hubby finishes school.
One option is for him to get his visa and when he arrives and has his confirmation of enrollment from his school, you can apply for your open spousal work permit from Nigeria.
The second is to apply after he has gotten his own visa.
you people are all talking as if every spouse get this permit...do you know if they have the requirements??? MONEY! or is it free? Poster many people get refused this visa. So do your research...it's not just marrying him. otherwise you will remain in Nigeria
DeleteMadam listen to those in Canada on this post.
ReplyDeleteSit him down and tell him you also want a baby asap but you want to born in Canada that when he gets there and has his confirmation from school he should file for you to join him simple. If he agrees go ahead and marry him his dec but no babies till you reach Canada.
Draw your ears NO BABY/BABIES TILL YOU REACH CANADA!
I agree with what one BV said up there. He just wants to find out if you can take in. Na sense this guy dey play you. Which one is getting old at 33?? A 66 year old man who is double his age can still impregnate a woman. You both look like people who don't know what they are doing. And na you go suffer pass if it doesn't work out. How can you be thinking of having a child with 40k salary with the father in grad school in another country? Better be wise and plan your life well to prevent regrets.
ReplyDeleteCaring for baby with 40 k salary is not going to be easy. Tell him to marry you properly and arrange for you to join him immediately.
ReplyDelete