STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BODY SHAMING HUSBAND
Good day Stella and all BVs. Biko Stella help me post this chronicle as I need advice on where to go from here or what to do.
I met my husband 6years ago after my masters degree in ‘the abroad’ and we instantly fell in love and started dating. Not long after, he popped the question and I accepted. Everything was lovey-dovey for the first year of marriage and I took in and had my baby, a handsome baby boy who will turn 5 soon. Stella you won’t believe that for the past 4 years since I had my baby, my husband has not touched me.
Yes I agree I don’t have the worlds best shape, matter of fact after I had my baby, I lost a lot of weight but as soon as I started breastfeeding (my milk didn’t flow till my my baby was almost 2months), I just started gaining weight but the ish is I was only adding weight in my upper body, on my arms, back and tummy so I have like an apple shape ( big up and small down ).
I have tried all sorts of diets, exercises, starved myself and all just to shed weight but nothing has worked for me so far and this is really depressing me but what is of most worry to me is it’s been 4 years+ and I really want to have more kids. Our families keep sending prayers and encouraging us that God will do it and I can’t bring myself to tell them my husband is not sleeping with me because of my body shape and that’s why the babies haven’t come yet and not that I’m barren or he is sterile. It’s just too shameful to say because of course it has also affected my self esteem.
Sometimes I’m really mad at him, other times i don’t blame him but I didn’t create myself or this shape that I have so I don’t think it’s my fault either but we are not getting any younger and my baby deserves to have siblings to play and grow with. I thought of going for IVF but it’s not something we can even afford. I’m not even concerned about s#x because I accepted it years ago after I first noticed he was distant from me and I confronted him.
I’m just really concerned that if nothing happens, does that mean this is how I will live my life forever, in a s#x-less marriage and only one child? I love children and I always envisioned having at least 3kids, now I’ll be 37 next month. He is 43 and looks every inch his age.
Pls I need advice on what to do. When my son says mummy give me baby I just start crying as it makes me emotional knowing that if not for this ish, I probably would have finished having all my kids now. I have cried, begged but he said he can’t help it. It has made me a shadow of myself and I just keep to myself. Pls what do I do? Forgive any typos. I’m losing my mind daily. The only thing that gives me joy these days is my son as I love him dearly.
Stella and BVs, I don’t know what to do or how to get out of this situation that I find myself.
*Have you ruled out the fact that he is gay and he only used you to cover up what he does?I would prefer to consider him as someone who swings both ways than to agree that he is body shaming you after having a baby and refusing to sleep with you cos your body changed*WHAT A SHAME* *WHAT INSULT* ...Do men even know what carrying a pregnancy for nine months is?some men need to spend time in the labour room to change or damage their mindset.....Mscheeeeeeeeeeeew.
Good day Stella and all BVs. Biko Stella help me post this chronicle as I need advice on where to go from here or what to do.
I met my husband 6years ago after my masters degree in ‘the abroad’ and we instantly fell in love and started dating. Not long after, he popped the question and I accepted. Everything was lovey-dovey for the first year of marriage and I took in and had my baby, a handsome baby boy who will turn 5 soon. Stella you won’t believe that for the past 4 years since I had my baby, my husband has not touched me.
What’s his excuse? I have added weight in all the wrong places and he can’t get it up for me any longer. He is no longer sexually attracted to me but that he loves me dearly.
Yes I agree I don’t have the worlds best shape, matter of fact after I had my baby, I lost a lot of weight but as soon as I started breastfeeding (my milk didn’t flow till my my baby was almost 2months), I just started gaining weight but the ish is I was only adding weight in my upper body, on my arms, back and tummy so I have like an apple shape ( big up and small down ).
I have tried all sorts of diets, exercises, starved myself and all just to shed weight but nothing has worked for me so far and this is really depressing me but what is of most worry to me is it’s been 4 years+ and I really want to have more kids. Our families keep sending prayers and encouraging us that God will do it and I can’t bring myself to tell them my husband is not sleeping with me because of my body shape and that’s why the babies haven’t come yet and not that I’m barren or he is sterile. It’s just too shameful to say because of course it has also affected my self esteem.
Sometimes I’m really mad at him, other times i don’t blame him but I didn’t create myself or this shape that I have so I don’t think it’s my fault either but we are not getting any younger and my baby deserves to have siblings to play and grow with. I thought of going for IVF but it’s not something we can even afford. I’m not even concerned about s#x because I accepted it years ago after I first noticed he was distant from me and I confronted him.
I’m just really concerned that if nothing happens, does that mean this is how I will live my life forever, in a s#x-less marriage and only one child? I love children and I always envisioned having at least 3kids, now I’ll be 37 next month. He is 43 and looks every inch his age.
Pls I need advice on what to do. When my son says mummy give me baby I just start crying as it makes me emotional knowing that if not for this ish, I probably would have finished having all my kids now. I have cried, begged but he said he can’t help it. It has made me a shadow of myself and I just keep to myself. Pls what do I do? Forgive any typos. I’m losing my mind daily. The only thing that gives me joy these days is my son as I love him dearly.
Stella and BVs, I don’t know what to do or how to get out of this situation that I find myself.
*Have you ruled out the fact that he is gay and he only used you to cover up what he does?I would prefer to consider him as someone who swings both ways than to agree that he is body shaming you after having a baby and refusing to sleep with you cos your body changed*WHAT A SHAME* *WHAT INSULT* ...Do men even know what carrying a pregnancy for nine months is?some men need to spend time in the labour room to change or damage their mindset.....Mscheeeeeeeeeeeew.
Do not take what he is offering you please,have a last talk with him and if he refuses,discuss a separation with him and if he agrees and you guys do separate you will have your answer....
Madam go and tell his family and your family ASAP that for the past 4 years he has not touched you.
ReplyDeleteLet them know nowwwww
Madam please turn the table around.
DeleteYour husband is gay,that is the most logical reason for him to act and behave this way.
I'm so sorry ma, how sad!
DeleteStella may be right, 4 years is too long, haba!
Why are some men so wicked, i have a friend her hubby is body shaming too, matter of fact alot of women are going through this.
I was going to say same thing 15:04 said, call a family meeting and lay all the cards in the table. Let's know if he now has erectile malfunction and is covering up with "you have added weight".
DeleteMadam u self dey masturbate? 4yrs no sex and ure ok? So where is he getting it from cos according to u, its just u hes not attracted to anymore. Chronicles like this makes Linda Eze really ght sometimes. Better report that idiot to his entire family and start unlocking d doors to that cage u found urself.
DeleteYour husband is most likely a homosexual. Trust me. Look around and see even mad women gettimg pregnant. Even those dirty market women in their 50's still have sex. Dont let him remove your self esteem. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your apple shape. Keep fit but bear in mind that this man will keep doing this until you enter menopause. He used you to cover his lifestyle. I am saying this because i am in the process3ass of my own divorce. I love you still but i am not sexually attracted to you...lols. I heard those lines so often that i almost disappeared while tryimg to lose weight. I was weighing 45kg before i borrowed myself sense and ran.
DeleteYour husband doesn’t love you. If he did, he’d reassure you of how pretty you look no matter the changes in your appearance. A good man would appreciate the experience that led to your transformation instead of criticizing you for it.
DeleteAnyway, you need to love yourself for who you are, no matter your size. What the hell is apple shape please? Stop it! I am sure if someone else said that, you’d come for them. If you really wish to shed some pounds, there are ways to go about it. Cut off carbs especially all white carbs even if for 2 weeks. Hit the gym consistently and you will see a difference. It is a gradual process, so take it one day at a time.
Do not rush into conclusion that he is gay. Start the weight loss process and see if he notices it and if something happens. This might take a few months, but you can do it. You’ve stayed without him for four years right? A few more months wouldn’t hurt.
Speak to your family if there are no changes and make your decision from your findings.
It is well with you dear. Please love yourself and everything up there will work for you.
Believe me, dt guy has HIV and is trying to avoid infecting you. Period! Nothin like shape or no shape.
DeleteTell him outrightly that he is a gay yes I said it,then start avoiding him too then you will see his real colour crawling out.meanwhile report to both parents,bear that shame but get what u want
DeleteI actually have her body shape and understand where she is coming from clothes don't just fit, cus of the unbalanced fat distribution.
DeleteIts more ideal for a womon to store fat in her lower body(thigh and bum) thus pear shape or even distribution which gives hour glass shape.
It was an insecurity for the longest time some times I think if I have money I will go for breast lift and fat transfer to bum as I've had my fair share of body shaming from so called hubby but is it really worth it?
For the most part I just wear what looks good on me and try to highlight the nice features I have like my face and hair.
This stuff is so common now. My gf (very beautiful girl o, baddest shape too) is suffering this ish and is on her divorce process. 5 good years NO SEX. At some point, she started believing his LIES that she was NOT pretty. She has borrowed sense now and seeking divorce.
DeleteGod help you poster. Some men are just so terrible. You will be shocked some of our parents experienced this. But die put for marriage and making women feel like whore if they complain about no sex made them keep shut!
Please read Stella's advice wholeheartedly. I feel he is gay and has used you to get a child and feels free to continue his life. You need to let your family know. You can't continue like this my dear.
DeleteBut you said your friend has a good shape. So what's the major issue an?
DeleteI agree with you you, she should talk to the family and pray about it. If you are a spiritual person, then pray seriously for him because that is the modus operandi for spirit wives. Serious deliverance is needed. I recommend MFM because I know first hand what God can do through their deliverance. Please ignore Stella on the separation talk for now. You don't know the next person you will meet.
DeleteJesus!!!
ReplyDeleteWoman how can you be suffering and smiling? You better open up to the family NOW!!
Something MUST be wrong with your horseband I mean he MUST be hiding something. SPEAK OUT NOW
I don’t know why she’s keeping quiet o. Something is definitely wrong with him.
DeletePeople can be funny o... You keep a situation as grievous as this to yourself without confiding in any body not even your mum? You mean for 4years you haven't had sex and u keep this matter lying low? Even the most ugliest person in the world, man still dey f***ck am. Your hubby is very very GAY, am sorry he just used you. Speak up now and do proper investigation and don't forget to tell us your findings.. Shuuuuuuuu!!!! This one loud o
Deleteshe want to show the world she has the best man as a husband while she suffer inside the house.
DeleteYou are correct@ excited, I wonder why women cover up for useless men.
DeleteYou people are the same ones that will say dont carry your matter to family members
DeleteIt depends on the matter. If it is serious and life threatening, the family should know.
DeleteHmmm La wa oh...Poster please sit down and have a heart to heart discussion with him...There is a devil in the detail..There is something he is not telling you honestly...I believe both of you suppose to be in sync on working on your weight instead of leaving it all to you..Men should take it easy with women oh..Its not easy...Dont drive this lady to depression and low self esteem..Aint fair oh...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is selfish and lacks emotional intelligence.
ReplyDeleteAlso, he got you exactly where he wants, I mean how bad can your weight gain be that he won’t sleep with his wife after having their child? Did he marry you for your beauty alone? I’m sorry but he is not saying this truth and you need to dig deeper.
Also stop covering for him, he is not touching you and that is the truth, pregnancy won’t fall on you magical.
Let him know how you feel about the situation and if nothing changes, then it’s up to you to keep up appearances or walk away. He doesn’t love you else if the weight is truly the issue, he would work with you to get in better shape but that isn’t the only thing. He married you to hide his true sexuality. All the best!
she has to cover her husband as he loves her dearly.
DeleteHow did he get away with not touching you for up to six months that it reached four years and you’re living together? You better expose him and make the place unbearable fast so that something must change o
DeleteI think the poster is a gentle lady. That’s why at times it’s good to do madness once in a while for your man.
DeleteBut madam 4 years and you bottled this to yourself. And you havnt gone mental about it. I’d suggest you expose him to your mom or siblings cause If God forbid it turns out he’s cheating, and has a family or something like that outside and your family or his family gets to know, the blame would be on you still.
And like Stella said, he could be swanging both ways and by both ways I mean he’s doing both male and female, except that female isn’t you.
I think the poster is a gentle lady. That’s why at times it’s good to do madness once in a while for your man.
DeleteBut madam 4 years and you bottled this to yourself. And you havnt gone mental about it. I’d suggest you expose him to your mom or siblings cause If God forbid it turns out he’s cheating, and has a family or something like that outside and your family or his family gets to know, the blame would be on you still.
And like Stella said, he could be swanging both ways and by both ways I mean he’s doing both male and female, except that female isn’t you.
Your husband hasn't told u d real reason, either he's gay or he has side Chic's scattered around d country servicing his blokus on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteHe is definitely having sex with a man or woman, how selfish!
DeleteAll these fags n bisexual had better stop misleading women, o gini bu ife a?
Poster there is more to this. He either is getting it steady from somewhere or he is gay. An average man turns off the light and do it fast. So a total deprivation means something needs to be checked. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteThis is unspeakable. I can't imagine how the poster feels. Men who feel this way should be rich enough to pay for cosmetic surgery for their wives. It's a terrible mindset.
DeleteMy goodness Stella that was the first thing i thought! I hadn’t even read it halfway before saying “he’s probably Gay” in my mind!
ReplyDeletePoster hmmmm
Your husband doesn't love you.. Shikena
ReplyDeleteWhat women go through in marriage. I am speechless.
ReplyDeleteno be small thing.
DeleteAdding weight is not enough to not touch your for 4 years. That’s wickedness and he’s having it outside.
ReplyDeleteWhat stops him from encouraging you by going to the gym with you sometimes, he could even join you in dieting.
Your husband does not love you, that’s the plain truth.
Help yourself by enrolling in a gym. It will help you a lot health wise.
Are you not close to your mother?
Try and talk to her about it.
the husband love her nah, why will he take her to gym? women like to answer mrs, take shit and still be protecting the man with his ugly attitude.
DeleteWhy are you suffering in silence madam? So you allowed your husband to be rubbishing you because of your shape after giving him a baby?
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't have sex with you anymore and you don't blame him but yourself because of your shape? Was he not the one that deformed you because of the baby you had for him?
Better speak up and call family meeting so everyone knows that you're not barren. He's not having sex with you for four years and you think he's not getting it anywhere else?
It amazes me how you women surrender yourself to these men that totally mess up your lives.
Deformed ke?? Abeg lemme oo
DeleteDon’t mind her husband. After deforming her, he’s punishing her.
DeleteAnd the woman has been quiet.
Why she’s suffering in silence, I don’t know.
Does marriage turn one into a fool?
You swallow whatever is meted out on you like you are not important.
she is protecting her dear husband that loves her. She don't want her family to know what is happening in their marriage, she want to take all the blame and prove to her friends, family, neighbors that she is a good wife while the man is out there enjoying his life without anyone looking at him as the main problem. Virtuous woman keep on hiding a bad behaved man.
DeleteSlutty and Don you just official finished me.The way I laughed now eh my colleagues are giving me side eye.Please shes not deformed another man will love this one is just unfortunate.
Deletesilent beevee
Totally agree with Don.
DeleteHmmmm hope she won't later come and rant that we want to force her to leave her husband.
Na wa o, Stella has said it all, follow her advise , please.
ReplyDeleteThat man is hiding something. Either he's gay or he has HIV. Taaaa what nonsense I can't get it up because you added weight.. Or maybe his kiniko has stopped working which has nothing to do with you but he doesn't know how to tell you. Nne snoop oo, you must find something your hubby is hiding a big secret.
ReplyDeleteYou see why it's good to marry someone who's every bit a friend where you guys talk about literally everything. Good, bad and ugly.
BTW your hubby is selfish and inconsiderate.. Your boy needs brothers and sisters chai by now you for don born finish what sort of wickedness is this. Ahhhh.. Nne dig out his secret oo.
How can you say the man loves you 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
ReplyDeleteThere is no love at all. He's too self centered OMG... He knows you can take any rubbish from him. Better do something about your situation...4years without sex...when you are married. That's criminal. I don't need to tell you what to Do but Rise up from slumber and do something.
Hmmmmm. Me, and I don't need this kind of love. Mtchew
DeleteNo arguments, ,madam ur husband is gay. he jst impregnated u once to cover his stupid acts and to show you that he is a man . abeg , walk away with ur baby and leave the trash for lawma
ReplyDeleteSo are you telling me that he hasn't slept with anyone else in the past 4yrs? A full blooded man? That's almost impossible... He's definitely hiding something, and its up to you to find a way out of the situation... Let him know you've had enough and ready to open up to your families if he wouldn't come out and tell you exactly what's wrong.
ReplyDeletehelp me ask the poster oh.
DeleteShe may be too good to snoop. She sounds gentle. My dear poster snoop for your life.
DeleteI forgot to add Try to find out if he's hiding and health issue from you...maybe he caught something along the way...he doesn't want to share with you. Do your own search oooooo
ReplyDeleteFrom his behavior it shows your husband don't really love you poster
ReplyDeletehe loves her dearly, he cannot do without her. Women will keep on protecting an abusive man and keep saying love, good man.
DeleteThere should be more to this..he could be gay,infected with d deadly virus or in a cult
ReplyDeleteHmmmm I didn't think of cult ish. It is also possible. But she said they can't afford ivf. So money may still be an issue for them.
DeleteHe loves you dearly kee? Any love that doesn't have 1cor 13 characteristics isn't love madam.
ReplyDeleteget a divorce
ReplyDeleteSo you did not hear that they don't want to hear that words leave ya horseband
Delete4 years and if they call married women poster too will come out? I don't believe this! Woman you better voice out. That's the most heartless man I have read of in a long time. He doesn't love you. No man who loves a woman would behave like this towards her. 4 years? And you guys live together? Investigate this thing well.
DeleteMadam, this story really touched me ofuma ofuma -very well.
ReplyDeleteThis is tough for any woman, very tough, I tell you the truth.
What to do?
Set a time that this man will be available to go out with you. Get someone, perhaps grand parents to mind your kid.
Talk to this man and express yourself. Cry if you must. Tell him that you are "dying slowly...and the conversations with your son..."
Ask him to suggest what you should do...medically, physical exercise-wise, spiritual exercise/faith-wise and so on.
Yes, talking about faith-wise, just like most other marriage oriented chronicles, you did not say anything about
he -God, Jesus who instituted marriage. Please permit me to talk about Jesus here; make him your Lord if you have not. Fast, pray, study the Scriptures, cry out to him for he
said that he who seeks him shall find him when the person seeks him with all one's heart...Jer. 29:13. Seeking God is perhaps what to do before talking to your husband... for God is the one that will grant you this favor and restore your marriage.
Do not starve yourself, learn to fast daily (building up -morning to noon, then to evening drinking water), it helped me a lot
after all the five babies I had. I
did struggle a bit with weight after the first one but quickly learnt the secret. In subsequent pregnancies, I
did eat only vegetables/fruits during the day, cut off sugar/sugar drink and replaced it with honey and ate my main
course of meals at night. No nausea or vomiting, just moderate weight gain.
Pregnancy became a sweet journey I look forward to. First 3 months after
delivery, I returned to my pre-pregnancy weight and sometimes below it. I used "tummy trimmer springs" to do mild exercises after 6 weeks delivery.
For us ladies, our husbands liked our bodies the way we were before childbirth. (Note that I said "like" not "love" for love transcends beyond the natural bodies) We ought to be disciplined not just for him but to
keep our self esteem. Looking good and shapely is a woman's plus, not a man's. We do it for love, nothing else.
I believe you will rise above all these and your family will grow in numbers and love. Your husband will
listen to you. For God says that the heart of kings are in his hands, he turns it wheresoever he wills: Proverbs 21:1
Cheers lady, you will overcome inugo?.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Whuuuttttt?????!!!!! Is this the marriage they are always praying for singles to enter? Blood of Yeshua! Madam I feel so BAD for you. I don't even know what to tell you. I'm sorry. If you are that desperate for children and you say he loves you, ask him to manage and take viagra for three months till you get pregnant hopefully. You guys can resume your sexless marriage after that.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, this is a tricky situation because sexual attraction is based on physical appearance to some degree. Some ppl have a strong distate for fat or overweight ppl. What he is doing is also very damaging to you as a person. The thing with marriage is that you can do everything with other ppl, but sex is the one thing you are mandated to do only with your spouse. So if your spouse refuses to touch you, then what?
ReplyDeleteFour years is a very long time to be married without any sexual contact. Actual penetration is one thing, but not to be fondled, rubbed or touched in any sexual way is very disturbing. He is free to feel the way he does and you are free to move on. Even if you were to get a supermodel body next year, the damage he has done to you will likely make you resent him forever. But you sound like the forgiving type, you have not used any harsh language in your description of the situation, which tells me that you are probably still deeply in love with him. Stella gave you solid advice.
He does not have to penetrate you to get you pregnant. I know it is hard to have him ejaculate in a cup and you put it inside of you, it is far from romantic and a woman in a marriage may find this highly distasteful, but if you really want to get pregnant you don't have to wait for him to penetrate you first. You don't even need ivf, you can track your ovulation, there are apps for that now, and let him ejaculate in a vessel and you insert it inside of you.
Some ppl have mentioned that you should report him. I am iffy about this because having ppl have to force your husband to sleep with you put you in a pitiful place. Plus, unless you know these ppl love you unconditionally you may just give them fodder for gossip and mockery. Tread wisely in how far to go. Opening up your private shame to outsiders with the exception of a therapist is potentially opening up yourself for ridicule. If you need to talk to somebody go to a licensed therapist who is trained in these things.
At your last paragraph, i wonder oh. I can never report my husband to my mum or his mum because he refuse having sex with me. I am very close to my mum and my mother in law but i can't sit and start discussion my sex life with them. Shame won't allow me. I rather talk to a therapist.
DeletePlease poster talk to him yourself, don't tell your family or his family. If he doesn't change leave him and go your separate ways. He is a wicked man and he doesn't love you. Your husband is probably cheating with another lady or he is gay. Ask him if he has not been having sex for the past 4 years.
@anon 16:06, I couldn't do it either, and I am not going to ask ppl to beg my husband to climb on me. If he can't see fit to do his husbandly duty by me why on earth would I go look crowd to beg him to fck me, there is something dehumanizing about that. Tell them all if you file for divorce, but telling them so they can beg him to do it, my pride wouldn't allow it. How would you feel knowing others had to beg for you to get some sex. Lord knows that would fck up my head quicker than not getting any. This is why I stick with my high libido men who love to fck come what may. Even if you get as big as an elephant you know your dude is coming home to mama. Low libido men will lose interest in sex over the least little thing. He better plug that cord in and charge up in my socket.
Delete🙌
Delete😲😲😲and you both live in same house. Please sit him down and have a one on one with him so you know where your life is going. What Stella said might be true. Please talk to him fast and take a walk if he's not responding well.
ReplyDeleteposter may God open your eyes so that you can see what your husband is hiding from you.
ReplyDeleteIt will be best if you inform his family and your family so that everyone will understand cos soon they will put blame on you including him your husbandman. Stop covering up for your husband, i cannot not tell you to leave your husband before someone will say i am not married what do i understand. Stay put and make your marriage work. All the best.
Poster you try oo that you have not gone mad....You better start shouting out let the whole world hear your voice, what rubbish apple shape kini? he has finished you self esteem infact you have zero of it left.My advice is start shouting tell everyone,your parents, his, your friends and make up your mind you are leaving because that is a possible outcome.
ReplyDeleteSex deprivation by a spouse is condemned in the bible,do not be afraid highest he hold his marriage.
imagine him telling you how he loves you but cant get it up,poster that man hates you.i even have a friend that has that kind of shape yet her husband adores her.
men that can even sleep with house help or anything as long as there is a hole it is now wife,i smh for him.
SHOUT OUT LOUD BIKO.
silent beevee
na wa oooo what women go through sef...
ReplyDeleteWomen are really suffering.
ReplyDeleteSee how he made you think the problem is with you.
Babe, tell your families please.
Four years of no gbenshing is unheard of in the life of a sexually active husband that "loves" his wife.
You know he is hiding something,find out,snoop,hack his phone.
Asides that you want another baby,do you really want another baby like this?
You can't go on feeling this way for the rest of your life.
Me wey fat self my husband dey rush me like tomorrow no dey
DeleteEveryday we read live experiences here and I wonder if these are women with flesh and blood experiencing all sort of degradation and still tolerating these men,your husband has not slept with you for good 4years and you're still in the marriage,he didn't touch you,not because he is sick,but because he is no more attracted to you,I feel sad because you kept quite this long,some of us had 3kids within 4years,because the dh's wouldn't let us be,despite gaining baby weight,you need to sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him,is he infected or something? is he gay?this is a serious issue and you've kept quite for too long,speak to your family and his,if we tell you to walk away now,you will come and warn us that is only baby you want from him,not love making,good luck.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster do this ehn,
ReplyDeleteHave a discussion with him, ask him if he is getting his freak on from someone else, if he lies he is not please don't believe him, tell him that 5 years has been a long time and since he doesn't want to make love to you, he should let you have a boyfriend you can use to keep body and soul together, watch out for his reaction, if he agrees then you know that oga is a homo or he may just pretend to be angry at your suggestion. Just watch out for his reaction, in fact let your family and his know what is going on.
Please your husband is selfish and heartless abeg
4 years? In the same house? Even if you were Shrek you would have had sex. Your husband is a homosexual.
ReplyDeleteHe could be low grade asexual, she never said how often they had sex before the baby came. Even once a week is low for newlyweds.
DeleteRemember most of us women are not attracted to men with high or big bottoms and hips which are generally seen as feminine features. I honestly don't know if I would be sexually attracted to my husband if he suddenly got a fat, perky womanly butt. Is the man evil for his desire waning, I honestly don't think so, but he is wrong for not trying to get her pregnant knowing how desperately she wants other children. He is evil for denying her something so fundamental to womanhood. No matter how he feels about her body he could have sex with her in the dark.
Your horaeband head is not correct. You better speak up or forever hold your peace.
ReplyDeleteYour horseband is gay and enjoying it in abroad that you people are.
Better shout at the roof top so every one will hear
In line with this, poster please don't have unprotected sex with your husband until you can determine his status. You don't want to catch any diseases.
DeletePoster ,try going to the hospital for check up,you might have cushings syndrome,considering the areas you gained weight in and the difficulty to lose the weight,do you also notice easy bruising,stretch marks in your upper body and fat in the face too?..it’s basically high level of cortisol in the blood.
ReplyDeleteSome people have upside triangle body shape.
DeleteVery good advice
DeleteUnfortunately I'm equally shaped like you.i just got married and my husband wants a baby badly but I've refused.apart from the pain of childbirth, I'm more scared of what childbirth will do to my shape.i know I can work out and all that but how easy is it to get back?If I had the regular figure I wont bother as much.my elder sister has kids and hers has turned the same wide shoulders,fat arms and giant boobs,I feel bad that I'll look that way after childbirth.i really dont know how to get over it
ReplyDeleteI know i sound vain but this worries me on a daily basis ...
DeleteWhy then did you get married knowing all these and knowing that your husband would want kids? Get over it and have beautiful kids. Learn to dress your shape after that while working to get the body you want.
DeleteThe joy of motherhood will surpass your woes. There is more to life than how you look.
DeletePoster since you've decided to manage your sexless life in that marriage, talk to him about your wish to have another child and get him to ejaculate into a sterile cup, and then artificially inseminatd yourself with a sterile syringe while you're ovulating.
ReplyDeleteIf he can't agree to That, then you are completely on your own madam.
If we advise you to consider separating from him now, you might come back to insult his all inside IHN tommorrow.
THE man is not gay. Personally your type of shape you described up there is irritating. I hate fat people. i can’t get it up for them. He is either fucking outside or doesn’t love your pitiable shape.
ReplyDeleteYou HATE fat people? Nawa o
DeleteYour character sounds pitiable.
DeleteDon't him jare. Poster many women with your shape are happily married. When you are loved, you are loved regardless.
Madam I won't go for the school of thought that your husband is gay. I think your husband married you for the status, to gain bragging rights. Though your body type at that time isn't what he prefers, he made do with it because you were still young and he must pepper his friends of having an intelligent woman.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion, stop worrying yourself, stop thinking it's your fault because it's not. You didn't create yourself. Talk to family members and if it continues, as Stella said you can separate from him. I suspect he is having someone but keeping you because as I said earlier he is using you to brag hence he saying he loves you but truth is he doesn't but you boost his ego and he loves his son. If you don't do anything fast, the day he will meet a woman who is both intelligent and has his preferred shape, he will tell all kind of lies on you then divorce you. At that point, people will not know the truth because they will believe him as you have kept quiet when you are supposed to talk. Please talk now. Kindly also know that, there are men out there who will die to have a woman's of your shape. We are all beautiful in our own way. Sending you ❤😘
Your husband has not told you the truth. It is true that pregnancy and child birth might affect our body shape and size, for me I've made up my mind to make my size and shape my comfort zone and to look good come what may. Let his family know what he is putting you through and please never allow his very dishonest reason make you feel less sexually attractive. Fluant your strong points in your dressing.
ReplyDeleteyour husband needs to be disgraced
ReplyDeleteMadam, the best thing for you to do is to open up to your family and his, stop covering for him.
ReplyDeleteYes he may have sexual disinhibition due to your body shape but for four years??????? No
ReplyDeleteIt’s either he’s getting from another woman or he’s gay. Ask him if he gets it up with another woman? If he does, maybe he has a medical condition(ED)
Let him try viagra, that’s after ascertaining he doesn’t have any cardiac issue
TALK to your husband madam. Four years can’t be explained away by his non-attraction due to your body shape
Hi Poster, it's one of several things, please do your findings before sleeping with your husband.
ReplyDelete1. He caught HIV along the way (or any other disease that can be transmitted sexually) and he doesn't want to infect you.
2. He is a full blown gay, who just ''managed'' to sleep with you 6 years ago
3. His ''P'' has stopped working for whatever reason and he can't bring himself to tell you
4. He's hopelessly in love with another woman, who he is servicing wella, and he can't imagine sleeping with another woman, including you
5. Are you sure he is not hiding a second family somewhere?
Please, you have kept this to yourself long enough. it is now time to open up, speak out and tell your family what you have been going through.
Good summary. Something is definitely wrong.
DeleteAll I came here to ask is where has he been getting it in the last four years if he's not getting it from you?
ReplyDeleteImportant question. Poster didn't even bother to ask. That's lax.
DeleteMadam snoop on his phone and come give us feed back, that’s all I have to say.. u have to secretly find out why he is doing this cos he might not tell u, check his phone...Your answer might be there
ReplyDeleteWhy you still married to him?
ReplyDeleteWow I wonder the kind of heart some women have. Me that my horseband does everything for me and the kids, I mean bought a car for me and still fuels it eventhouh am gainfully employed. Am planning on leaving him. He thinks he can hide all his cheating from me and be a perfect husband at home. By the time he realise I have completed my building and serve him his divorce papers. For now am enjoying free rent and food. The kids are enjoying but cant sacrifice my happiness for someone who cant respect me outside but only shows respect in my presence. Madam am even surprised you are planning to spend forever with this man wow. Dont you deserve happiness for yourselves? For how long are you going to keep up appearances for a man who has no regard for you. Well to each his own..pele oo
ReplyDeleteMadam don’t leave o. U have it better than many. He is even still a good husband
Deleteu must be kidding or delusional. wat more do u want? he respects you n doesnt disrespect u to ur face. you expect him to fuck only your pussy till he dies? how unrealistic could u be? continue dreaming of that non-existent perfect man. Then when you've thrown away your home then you will realize the grass isnt greener on the other side. There's no perfect man. the nxt one will still cheat except they are part of that 1% very rare men in the world.
DeleteSufferhead women will tell you to tanda there since he is paying the bills.
DeleteRevenge is a dish best served cold.
DeleteWOW! 4 years without sex in marriage. Abeg this is too much to handle. I'll read comments.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.. So nobody is wondering if the man could be having a problem getting it up. There could be an underlying factor that OP needs to ponder about.
ReplyDeleteThe things women suffer because of 'marriage', only God can save. Madam, your husband is GAY!!! he only used you to have a child and to cover up his lifestyle. Do not be gullible. And you have been suffering for nothing, doing exercise and COVERING UP FOR HIM? 'love'get limits pig. If you were barren, would he 'cover'up for you or get his family to push you out? 4years living with a man who is not...and he did not touch you and you keep quiet. Tomorrow you go follow dry curse feminists as frustrated women. Better talk a looping walk and get yourself a sperm donor because you are married to yourself. Is a woman's physique not supposed to be altered by childbirth? Rubbish.
ReplyDeleteTruly, right now, she is married to herself.
DeleteMy sister your own is similar with mine, mine is even 5 years now. I have two girls already looking for a way to have my third child properly a boy. The stupid man refuse to come back to Nigeria because he later have two kids from his South Africa woman. I tried many times to tell him to come back to Nigeria but he refused always talking of USA passport. He has married in USA for passport also. Even took the sa woman kids to USA. He lives with one old woman in USA. I hate to have kids from different men. I prefer all my kids from one man. It happened I picked this wicked soul as husband who doesn't consider me in taken decision. If I can have another child from him. I will divorce him. Thank God I have enough to train my kids. I just hate men who knows that society laugh at you when you don't do societal demands yet they frustrate you never to achieve it. This my public husband once told me that I want a male child so that I can balance in his house. May the children of my enemies not marry the type of man I marry.
ReplyDeleteso u hv guts to call ur husband "stupid"
DeleteAnd instead of facing ur girls u still want to have a male child for him. U no well. He is right u want to use that male child and balance in his house. Just looking for excuses not to move forward.
DeletePlease you all should remember that this woman did not ask us how to break or dissolve her marriage.
ReplyDeleteShe asked us for suggestions on how to solve a challenge she has presently.
Then she should offer to sex him in the dark with all the lights off. Case solved.
DeleteHe caught disease and doesn't want to give you. Please snoop or hire a private investigator.
ReplyDeleteCall for a family meeting and disclose the truth. You need to get to the bottom of this. You need closure. This one no be marriage o.
4years isn't much madam.
ReplyDeleteassociation of terrible Men.
President
I swear that man doesn't love you. I have the same body structure as u, I always complain to my husband but he tells me he can't see anything like that.infact he always tell me he likes my butt. I forgot to tell you he is a plastic surgeon and he always reassures me I have a nice structure. when someone loves u dearly they don't see any defect in you.
ReplyDeleteIt's either your husband has HIV or he is gay or even both!Which one is shape?For 4 years?Even if he has a lover or lovers outside,once in a while you guys will get down.Something stinks here Nne,talk to your families and threaten to divorce his selfish,shallow ass.You deserve better
ReplyDeleteThis is serious. I guess different strokes for different folks . When my husband wants to kill me with sex even with big tummy with my second pregnancy(currently 7months pregnant. Everday na fight. I have zero libido when I am pregnant. Nawao
ReplyDeleteNa awaoooo..That man must be a wicked gay ...He only used u to answer married man...pls follow Stella's advice ...Its well with you.Just know that u are beautiful the way you are...always make yourself happy..If u cab register in d gym pls do and don't stop till you see results..there are upper body exercise ok..God wil see you through.
ReplyDeleteAm so pissed off reading this.... What kind of stupid husband he is? God Knows that i can never tolorate such nonesense from ang senseless man. Madam you have tried oooo. Now leave whatever you are doing and call family meeting on his head. Give him within now till December if he didnt change, pack your things and leave. Gosh! Some men are mentally deranged, just look at the feable excuse he gave....
ReplyDeleteMadam anytime u want to talk on phone pls tell me how to reach u thanks
Deleteplease send him the link to this chronicle.. some men tho
ReplyDeleteposter's low self esteem is top notch. Your hubby is an inconsiderate, wicked and selfish man. Just read your writeup. He has emotionally and psychological abused you. You have no single sense of worth. He has put you in an unhappy place and you have chosen to remain there. You are willing to stay and have more kids with a man who doesn't treat you well! I'm ashamed of you poster. You need to seek help, you are not well.
ReplyDeleteSimple, threaten him with divorcé, no need to tell the family anything, let them read it on the court papers.
ReplyDeletePoster, please ignore what they are saying. Most of them beg their husband for sex but come online to form voltron. And those ones that are shouting "is this what marriage is all about??" Please ignore them too. You know what they say about hating what you can not have? They are in that category.
ReplyDeleteThe gay factor should be the last point of call for you. So drop the idea for now.
You see, men are moved by what they see. They fantasize on how they want to place the ass while drilling from the back. That is how they are. Same with some women too! They love the spacs and muscles.
I make conscious effort to look sharp. Especially because of my health. How do you eat? Have you made any effort to lose weight? Some of you get married and go to bed.
Marriage is hardwork! People that are fat love food. Don't deceive yourself. I am sure you eat alot. Please work on your body. And make yourself attractive again.
What is this,😡😡
DeleteYou are a big fat brainless individual. So to you, your first paragraph makes sense to you right? EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IS WAY BETTER OFF THAN THIS POSTER and I mean every single woman! What is in this marriage that single women should hate the poster? The women that beg for sex at least their husbands give them eventually. This poster's marriage is DISGUSTING and I would rather die single and childless than experience a "marriage" like this.
DeleteDie single and childless?? Over a post! Well brace up. Marriage is hardwork
DeletePoster pls hire a private investigator to do a thorough job on him while you snoop carefully on all his calls, mails, texts, u can even plant audio recorders. I am sure you would get answers
ReplyDeleteWhatever the problem is, it has nothing to do with your shape or weight. However, there is a problem. Find it and solve it. He may have contacted HIV and not want to infect you. He may have gone occultic. Even if he's bisexual, he'll still touch you once in a while to keep up appearances. Even if he doesn't love you(anymore), four years is still too long in a marriage not to ... Or did you cheat on him and he's taking revenge? Or he is reacting to something in your past?! Something is definitely wrong.
ReplyDeleteWomen are really trying sha. God please protect my daughters.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if poster will see this but just in case,
ReplyDeleteDear Sis, you have endured a lot. I know what it means to feel neglected by the one you love and I understand how you've come to blame yourself for his actions. Can I say a few things?
How was your sex life before the weight gain issue?
1. If you can, no need to bring in family or friend into this situation. It most likely will not help.
You need to face the reality that he has somebody else he's been sleeping with, he could be gay or bisexual as others have insinuated or he possibly really does have a strong dislike for your looks presently. (Not excusing him in anyway but I'm more concerned about you)
The thing to do is approach him as logically (emotional tantrums don't go far where men are concerned. Not usually) as you can and ask if he'll like to have more kids with you. If he answers yes, ask him to suggest how seeing that he's taken away the natural option. If no, you need to ask yourself if you can remain in this marriage with the knowledge that you may never have more children.
2. If you know to a point of conviction that you cannot continue to live in a sexless marriage, tell him. Give him your ultimatums and be ready to stick to your decision. If you are a reader, I'll suggest you read James Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough"
I think he may be battling erectile dysfunction or low libido and is hiding behind your weight gain/shape. The HIV or other STD's don't cut it with me, 4 years is too long to withhold intimacy based on that. If it's HIV and he's on ARV, he can have intercourse.
Try get to the bottom of this and be ready to find solution should that be the case.
If as someone up there suggested there's a medical condition (Cushing's Syndrome?) that you have whose treatment will help you get back in shape and gain back some of your confidence, please explore it. Same with your husband. Ask him to work with you if he still values you and your marriage. Professional (Minister, Doctor, Psychologist, etc.) help is best in this circumstance.
I tell you something a wise man said to me recently,
"You have let this situation break you. The tears are enough. Stop crying, dry your tears. It's time to find courage and fight."
So, finally, as much as you can, take it to God in prayers. He does hear and He will not forsake you. And guess what? You will be fine. No matter how this plays out, you will be fine.
#Shalom
Stella has said it all
ReplyDeleteHis bisexual or has HIV. Just report to your family and his. Something is wrong. You can't be sleeping on the same bed, living in the same house and not make love for 4years, it's not your change in body, something is definitely wrong with him.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is gay please. That is why he married at almost 40. You are even lucky you managed to collect a child from him. You better call a full family meeting of both families and table the matter. You are not the first fat woman please. Put everyone on notice and even threaten to walk. It is only when you bring it to everyone's notice that they will let you know how stupid his reason is. Act fast Aunty.
ReplyDeletePoster was it not toyin Abraham everyone was laughing at that she has skinny leg and bug tummy? Yet one handsome bobo just knocked her up.mind you, this is her second marriage. Even that blogger on wheel chair is married. Abeg tell your husband to tell you another story. You set start reminding of a part of his body or life he is ashamed of because now he thinks he is Idris elba🙄. Don't let anyone make you sad o. If its too bad get it outside.
ReplyDeleteDidnt want to comment before but I realized that I will be doing you no good, as I have someone that experienced this.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, let me start by saying that in this case she is beautiful and has nice body. She has two children as against yours that is one. The only reason the man allowed her to have two children was because the first was a girl so he needed a boy for a heir.
Hers is more than 6 years now the man last touched her, in case you will deceive yourself that when you lose weight he will change he wont.
In this case he is very fetish and a gay too and no amount of family intervention and meeting was able to change his mind, in fact it made him more aggravated and in part made the home a living hell for the lady.
He loves his kids especially his son, sends them on vacation best schools etc. Gives her everything she wants and monitors her every move so that she doesn't cheat.
The only reason why your husband is putting your self esteem down with all this weight talk is so that you wont look outside. Is it not when you feel wanted that you will start doing shakara.
She has cried begged prayed sotay he even let her start having the affair. Because he is gay and diabolic. She had to find out about a calabash with Instructions under his bed, before her eyes clear.
So my dear poster, look within. Gather your self esteem and search for answers. I know that he has put you down so much so that you dont believe in yourself, but the answers you seek are before you. Check his best friend, yes that inseparable friend of his. How often does he visit? Check phones. Does he have young Male friends that he calls 'my boys'? And you feel they are just there because he is helping them. Dashing them money.
Look within. The answers are usually not far fetched and when you see it run as fast as you can. It's not worth it, they dont change.
You can also pray to God I believe God answers prayers.
I will read these comments later.
ReplyDeleteSome men seems to act in a funny manners, am not surprised though, cos I have a frnd, who is married a male frnd.. He told me vividly that he has not being having sex wit the wife, reasons that she's out of shape.. like she added up... but he goes out there having fun...hmmm..pls try and work on ur self Anty poster
ReplyDelete