NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
BROUHAHA WITH ABROAD BOYFRIEND
Good afternoon bvs, This my issue, I need your honest advise, I'm in my late 30's I have an abroad boyfriend, which I do go and visit, the last time I went visiting last year, we agreed that I should come back this year April and we get married.
I got back to Nigeria and things was not easy as per reapplying for the Visa as they were coming up with new laws almost daily, so I had to wait till August to apply, meanwhile my boyfriend was getting tired of waiting, cos his lawyer told him it's too complicated to file for someone now (he didn't tell me this, I got this information from his brother).
So, he decided to end the relationship being a pessimist, now I'm scheduled for interview next week, boyfriend is not talking to me again, I know I'll be given the Visa. What do I do once I have the Visa, ( I plan to travel end of the year) once I get the Visa. I recently took out fibroid,and doc adviced I try to get pregnant in 6months cos of my age. What do I do, should pls
Wht should you do how?He has ended the Relationship and you need him for a baby daddy or what?Or you want to visit him as per he is your ex?
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NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
MARRIED INTO A FAMILY WITH ISSUES...
Hello Stella and fellow bvs. Woke up this morning feeling so down and thinking. Is marriage not supposed to be a blessing?
Since i got married over 4yrs ago, i have been ttc. Hubby is a nice person but at times some things get into his head and he acts wicked towards me but lately he has changed.
I used to do very well before i married. Very lucky at anything i do. The marriage was kind of an arranged one, but honestly i fell in love with my husband. His dad kept forcing and forcing for us to get married on time.
Since i married, from one affliction to another. No luck, everything going down. Strange dreams, etc. The family i married into, one problem to another. Their ways are not straight. Though they are nice to me. My hubby s brother doesnt speak to his father or want to see his dad, till date dont know what the problem is. Hubby refused to tell me. His kids apart from hubby dont respect him or acknwledge him as a father.
Since i married, from one affliction to another. No luck, everything going down. Strange dreams, etc. The family i married into, one problem to another. Their ways are not straight. Though they are nice to me. My hubby s brother doesnt speak to his father or want to see his dad, till date dont know what the problem is. Hubby refused to tell me. His kids apart from hubby dont respect him or acknwledge him as a father.
They hate him. Everybody (we are from same village) asking my parents why on earth would they let me marry into that family? That everybody knows how ruthless my father inlaw is. Even my father inlaw s blood brother told my mum it wasn't quick enough for him to warn my mum against it.
When everybody says same thing, is there no small truth in it? Is it possible for a man s sins to rub off on his generation? My husband is a nice man but i am scared for my future. I have fasted, prayed ,cried etc no changes. I am very ambitious and didnt bargain for this stagnation. I just want to leave this marriage. Life shouldnt be this way!
When everybody says same thing, is there no small truth in it? Is it possible for a man s sins to rub off on his generation? My husband is a nice man but i am scared for my future. I have fasted, prayed ,cried etc no changes. I am very ambitious and didnt bargain for this stagnation. I just want to leave this marriage. Life shouldnt be this way!
Pls advice on what to do thanks.
*Does your hubby love you?will all these rub off on your kids if you have any?I will not tell anyone to leave their Marriage but what you just recounted up there is enough rason to pull your shoes and start running--Looks like you married into a family with curses......
No Marriage should be a bondage....Nigerian women can take shit in Marriage but if the man is faced with a situation like this,he would be long gone...
Close your eyes and breath in and out....
what will give you peace?stayng or leaving?Do what gives you peace of mind.
Poster one, go and pick up your self esteem inside the gutter that you dropped it.
ReplyDeleteSomeone end a relationship and you're asking us what to do? Is he the only guy in this world or are you saying you're so ugly you don't attract good guys again..
Nonsense. .
@Don, I really wish sometimes you pause and play your voice to yourself in your mind (this is not to insult you but you really sound backward and dumb sometimes). Did you read her reason for thinking the way she's doing? Is it a crime to be confused and ask for advise? Did you read where she said she's in her late 30s and had a fibroid operation with the doctor telling her to get pregnant?
DeleteDear poster, if you think that man was a good man and he just pulled out because he thinks the waiting might be forever, I suggest you text him and tell him you would like to come over and talk things over since he hasn't given you any concrete reason of breaking up. When he accepts and you go, please take things easy. Stay off sex with him and observe if he's with someone now or if he still loves you before taking a decision.
So there are no single men in Nigerian that she can couple with? Leave Don alone for this matter. Sometimes you too need to read and understand. Hian
DeletePoster 1 you know your man better. Please go for the interview. Once you get the visa send him a message and screenshot part of the visa and send to him. Tell him Darling I am coming in Dec. 😁😁😁
DeletePoster 1, so if your ex who has broken up with you don’t get you pregnant in 6 months as “stipulated” by your Doc, do you intend to steal sperm? You people just complicate your lives by making yo clauses to garner support. If you get a visa, travel and have the time of your life. All this “age is not on my side” thing is unnecessary.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you mean as an adult you were forced into marriage? Ah okay o the Lord is your strength. When adults learn to take responsibility for their actions maybe they’d make better decisions and learn from their mistakes. All the best
Doppelganger, the thing tire me o. I've an aunt that is 45 that was forced to marry last year by her siblings. I never thought it was possible but they forced her, her first husband died and didn't have any issues with him after 13 years of marriage. I just pity her anytime I remember. Her new husband seems reasonable though.
DeleteDoppelganger obviously you don't know much about being in your 30s and having fibroid. Doctors sometimes even advise you to get pregnant by all means and not to be choosy. It's not an easy position to be in so please be sensitive to her plight.
DeleteI'm not the poster, just another woman who understand her.
I have never in my life advised pregnancy as an antidote to fibroid.
DeleteWhy would I?Fibroids love estrogen,pregnancy is a high estrogen state ...it doesn't make any sense
Anon 16:40. Ha! Are you a doctor? and where did I say, they advise pregnancy as an antidote? Please don't be quick to respond. Doctors always tell you once you are diagnosed with fibroid to start thinking about giving birth so getting pregnant doesn't become complicated. When you are in your 30s, they ask you if you, how soon can you get pregnant once they are advising you to take it off. They tell you, depending on where the fibroid is located and the size, they will need to do surgery but advise you not to keep long after the surgery before getting pregnant.
DeleteThis your statement is shocking to me; especially if you are a doctor and I'm tempted to ask; are you the only stranger in Jerusalem? ". Please come clear.
Anon17:38 is right oo, I had to go back to my ex two months after my fibroid surgery so I can get pregnant at 35, even as they just did the surgery in d uk, u won’t believe that there was still fibroid in my first scan and it was an open surgery where I felt they took everything out.. of u are in your mid 30s and have done the surgery, they would advice u start trying else it would grow back fast and u have to go under the knife again
DeleteAnon 20:32. Don't mind all these insensitive people and that one talking like he or she is a doctor. If they ever go through the pain of having fibroid in their 30s, they won't be here talking like this.
DeletePoster please go ahead with your plan. Unless you don't want children, you are taking the right step. Go and get your man back; it's not only a man's duty to keep the relationship going. Forget pride but of course if you go and try but he's flexing, drop him and quickly go for another. This is the man you know, don't let pride get in your way. Most of the people advising you don't have your problem, help yourself.
My dear @ anon 20:51.. that’s a koko ooo.. child is more important than man when it comes to fibroid issues oooo, once u do the surgery , u have to speed up to have kids as u don’t want to do surgery again ooo.. since u know this guy already play smart into his life by telling him u have d visa already, don’t listen to people saying he has dumped u already ooo. If not for the fibroid and age matter, I would have said let him go but me that did surgery even in d uk had to reconcile with my ex ooo.. be smart as people advising can’t relate to your story.. they would tell u rubbish yet ur fibroid is re growing cos of the kind of food we eat.. see me pregnant after two months of open surgery and there is still fibroid.. be wise and trust ur instinct oo, don’t listen to these children who don’t know what fibroid is oooo
DeletePoster 1, your boyfriend ended the relationship already, move on.
ReplyDeleteYou can visit the sperm bank or get someone else to impregnate you.
Poster 2, you married into a cursed family and there’s nothing you can do about it.
You don’t even know the genesis of what happened and your husband he refused to open up to you.
Don’t you think there’s more...something serious that can deafen you when you hear it?
And if it’s a generational curse, you know the implication. You either move to save yourself or remain with your nice husband and bear his cross with him.
Poster1, you want to give yourself headache over someone that have moved on. Poster 2 all I can say is pray.
ReplyDeleteBoth posters na peace of mind matter las las..Poster 1: You want to be a babymama or you just dont know your priorities..Abeg give yourself some lil respect I beg you...Poster 2: Please did you read chronicles of Wednesday and Thursday this week? when you do and come back and tell us what you have learnt...
ReplyDeleteLoool @ come back and tell us what you learnt
DeleteTo the first post! Once you get your visa,i will suggest you go see him. I guess your man got confused and tired of waiting.some men could be very impatient that leads them making an in pronto decision,so don't just give up on him till you see him face to face. I believe with your presence,he will have a change of mind,but in everything you say to him,dont result to begging him to stay if truly he has chosen to end it.
ReplyDelete2nd post. It's better to have a peace of mind being single than being in a marriage that yields no good fruits.
Use your tongue to count your teeth.
impromptu decision
DeletePoster two, most of the thing you complain about doesn't even concern you directly. Two people not talking in a family, how's that your sickness?
ReplyDeleteStip fijdijg faf you want to leave based on the fact that you're yet to have talk ke to God he more about it. ,hes the one that give you that will you desire
Your husband didht do you any wrong,
matter finding fault
All these chronicles these days get as e be 😔
ReplyDeleteI am fearing 😔
poster one oga has moved on why are you still trying hard to visit him or force yourself on him? Life goes on forget that crap that you should get pregnant on time cos of age. what if you visit him and still you are unable to fall pregnant? relax and move on.
ReplyDeleteposter 2 madam the choice is with you.
Poster 1 ..I married as a "gwegs" *in Linda ezes voice* at 40
ReplyDelete1 child down
2 more to go!
If it gets difficult save for an IVF
Stay away from the man who does not love you
Gbam
DeleteDid you have fibriod?Its easier to judge,abeg leave her to go get some and fill her womb with baby than clusters of blood.
Deletejudge? any judgement there? are you OK?
DeletePoster1: My Dear, go on with the visa interview and travel. By the time he sees you he will change, since he was persistence initially for you to come, if not for the delay. Forget all those attitude he is displaying, NA SHAKARA. You love him right? go for it Baby...
ReplyDeletePoster2: You can't change what you can not change. Focus on your Hubby and not the family. The future of you, your husband and your future children is what matters most. About your TTC don't lose hope Gods time is the best.
Poster 1, please if you don’t have any business to do abroad, get the Visa (since you must have paid for it) and sit down here. Let’s not get fixated on something we want and then loose sight of what has been prepared for us. Don’t beg for a man’s attention, never, ever do that.
ReplyDeleteWhich do you need more, a child or a husband? Don’t make a terrible mistake marrying a wrong man simply because you want a child. You can adopt if you want to or use other means of assisted reproduction. The package mustn’t come with a man, and an unworthy one at that. When he decides to be an optimist, he should come back and seek your face for YOUR consideration, rubbish.
Poster 2, I can agree that sometimes, families get spiritual issues, but most times, we are stuck in a rut as a result of our sub-optimal decisions, and we then ascribe the consequences to our village people. So you search deeply and know which one it is.
On the spiritual side, can you consider telling your husband to watch himself and watch what he reveals to his dad. It’s not to cut him off, it’s to tread cautiously. Also, get deeper in prayers, it works.
Porter 1...if you decide to be a babymama be it with dignity don't go begging your ex because when the trouble sets in I bet you don't wanna be sending in chronicles on being a baby mama to someone who doesn't care about you or the kids.
ReplyDeletePoster 1, I know how you feel. Especially when someone ends a relationship because of something so flimsy. But you have to pick up your self-esteem my dear. Go ahead and do your visa, if you have people in the country you applied for visit them. Try giving other people a chance too, I know the abroad guy is not the only one asking you out.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you married into a strong foundation. It is not your fault. Most girls marry into families they know nothing about. But you gotta be prayerful. It has not gotten to the point of you leaving the marriage, I mean you are not even 100% sure of the accusations you are laying here.
The greatest accessory a woman can have before she enters a husbands house is ability to pray warfare prayers. I can never over emphasize the importance of prayers in marriage. Because you can never fully understand the foundation you are marrying into. Most girls dont even understand their family history, let alone another person's.
Your family that forced you into this marriage will not say they didnt know about the foundation they are marrying you into. If they accepted it, then they are not as clean my dear.
Pray pray and pray. And make sure this husband of yours is praying with you.
Poster 1:
ReplyDeleteMust you (Naija girls) marry someone abroad, even when he had ended things?
So if the doctor tells you to "get pregnant", he does not know that you are not
married; is the doctor you god? God says flee fornication and you say what?
Learn to know when to pursue and when to quit. Your boyfriend has quit and so should
you. And stop pursuing men up and down, the men should do the pursuit but you have
to respect yourself and rediscover your dignity as a lady by belonging to Christ.
LOLZZ ANG ASSISTANT JESUS IN OUR MIDST>>WE DONT DESERVE YOU
Delete2nd Poster:
ReplyDeleteWhen I write on this forum that ladies should be wise to involve God in
their lives and marriage, I receive arrows and gunshots. 😊😊
If you decide to seek God when it is time to get marriage, nothing is wrong
with that. But to get "what you want" and abandon him is where the case is wrong.
You do not only relate with your dad when you need something, do you?
Begin now to call upon Jesus the Savior to save you from all these and more.
Eternal life is the main life, what is happening here is just loitering.
And to all who intend to get married; ladies and guys, know that you are vulnerable
when you are not in Christ. You can sign a pact with hell by just marrying whom you choose.
onye isi nkuka
DeletePoster 1, your guy won’t marry you. Don’t bother. He probably has paper issue and can’t file for you right now anyway. You will be a burden to him if he marries you!
ReplyDeletePoster 2, pray your way out of your situation with your husband. It is well
ReplyDeletePoster one, why do you want to have a baby with a man who doesn't necessarily treat you right?
ReplyDeleteIf the man wanted to Marry you true true, he would have done so when you traveled to see him then file for you immediately you return. Pls remove your mind from him, when a man loves he loves whole heartedly. i am also in my late 30's and no suitor
ReplyDeletep@poster 1 call him and let him know you going for your interview.try to talk things over him not to be in a hurry.if he is already seeing someone over there sha it might or should be all over.if you are traveling just for him atleast that will make you channel your money into something else.
ReplyDelete@poster2 sometimes we pray but pray amiss.first remove your mind as that family is not your foundation.the day you gave your life to Christ r foundation changed.when you want to pray command angels as they are inch are of battles.command Angels from the camp of arc angel Micheal to fight your battles.there are laid down principles when it comes to prayers.thank me later
Poster 1, sweetheart, be wary of a guy who breaks up with you over flimsy reasons. You have no business being with a man who isn't scared of losing you. I have been reading some chronicles here and I have been too weak and discouraged to comment on them. It's so disconcerting that with all ladies read here, the vicious cycle continues. You see the proverbial "mene mene tekel upharsin" boldly written on the wall but you ignore, hope for the best under the delusion that he will change, you go ahead to get married and voila! Reality knocks you on the head and you realise your folly. The torrents of chronicles keep pouring in asking which way forward from a dysfunctional marriage?
ReplyDeleteMy darling, how can you even consider going back to a guy who dumped you without incident? He didn't invite you to come over but you want to go force yourself on him with the hope of getting knocked up because your uterus may become compromised? I know ladies who have had complicated myomectomies and the surgeons told them to get knocked up ASAP. A couple of them were not in good relationships. Guess what they did? They ended the relationship because they didn't even want to risk getting pregnant by the wrong guy. One of them has the means so she's going to donor and insemination route.
Yes, my love, I know to each his own, or her own in this case, we can't all behave the same but I want you to know that there are women going through similar issues who would not compromise their dignity for any reason, some of them are even in their 40s. Remember, these ladies weren't even dumped, they had an epiphany after the surgery. They realised the men in their lives were not worthy to sire their kids so they did the dumping to create space for the right men.
One of the worst mistakes you can make is to get pregnant by a man who really isn't into you or already has a woman his heart beats for. It's not fair to bring an innocent child into a loveless marriage. Sweetie, I wouldn't advise you to go to him, even if he begs you to come back. No man who truly loves you will be willing to give you up so easily. He may have someone else for all you know. You are a Queen, please don't allow adversity make you demean yourself.
e-hugs and kisses.
🏆🏆🏆
DeletePlease ditch all this your sweetie, darling, ......it is annoying.
DeletePoster 1, you're trying to get pregnant for a man that doesn't want to marry you? Or is it me that doesn't understand what you wrote? Don't you think that if it was ever in the heart of your ex to marry you, that your brideprice would have been paid long before now? Or are all his family members abroad with him? Do what you've already made up your mind to do, abeg. Some people can only learn from personal experience.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, can a man's sins rub off on his children? Yes. They're called generational curses and in milder cases, family traits. And your case has been made more complicated because it appears you've gone and married the child of the man that resembles him the most. So, you don't even know if it's just the man's own that's doing you now or if it's your husband join. What I will honestly tell you is to pray for God to deliver you from this thing you erroneously entered, oh. And stop trying to get pregnant before you get really trapped. The most wicked person in a family cannot be eager for you to marry the son he is closest to, and you think all will be well. I am truly confused about how you both can be from the same village yet your family allowed you enter a place that should have been easy for them to research. Or did you hide to get married? I'm asking because I'm trying to understand how/why many elderly men you're related to, would have sat back and let you walk into a trap. Don't your people do what folk do to check whether road clear when someone wants to marry? That your village people are asking your parents certain questions now means something wasn't done right. It's practically impossible for certain things to be hidden when background checks are run at village level. If you marry anyhow, how will you be sure you're not marrying your blood relation, another person's spouse, or even a ghost? Please, ask your people to help you come out of this marriage that should never have happened. No marriage is blissful all the way but considering all that you're saying, no abeg. May God deliver you from this safely and restore your time and all you have already lost.
OA