STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED WIFE
Stella please help me.I am in trouble, I have many issues at hand. I'm a 24 year old married with a son of ten months, my husband is a good man,he is very liberal,but the major issue is that he has anger issues and can become violent when angry.
Me nko I don't know how to bridle my tongue, most times he reacts when I talk uncontrollably. Lately we've been having soon much fights. He keeps accusing me of keeping men friends, to the extent he is accusing me of having an affair with his youngest brother.
Anytime he says this,it stabs my heart that made me tell him one day in the heat of an argument, that since he is accusing me of sleeping with his brother, that I will do that and also cheat on him outside and he won't do anything. He gave me two resounding slaps for saying that.
Just yesterday our help told me that he brought a"stranded" girl last year while I was in school, and he gave her the bedsheets to wash in the morning saying that the girl urinated(squirt) on the bed.,and so many other things. I confronted him,at first he acted surprised but he never answered any of the questions I asked him,instead he turned it around that so I have started gossiping about his, that I'm a traitor etc
But before he started saying all that,he asked if it was his brother that told me,I said no. He started beating me,after that he said that from today he hates me with an indescribable passion, and he has cut me off from his heart and life,that I will live in isolation till I leave his house. My husband is someone that ones he says something, he means it no matter who is involved.
Stella we lack communication, affection and understanding in this marriage.
Secondly I don't know what sexual pleasure feels like,I don't mean having orgasm,cos that one is far set,I mean the normal pleasurable feeling during thrusting, I don't feel it.
Simply put, my vagina is numb, I don't feel anything.
My questions
1. How do I restore my home and my husband's love?
2. Tips on how to bridle my tongue.
3. What do I do concerning my s#x life,because s#xual frustration is beginning to build up.
Stella I need your red pen
Mature bvs I need your opinions .
*Your hubby brought in a girlfriend who squirted on your matrimonial bed?WOW
looks like the two of you need help and fast......what kind of home are you two gonna build with this kind of attitude?
Why would you also tell your hubby you will sleep with his brother?If he doesn't trust his brother or you then you cant explain yourself out of this..
Why protecting that the house help told you?is it not better for her to be the fall guy than for your brother in law?before the two brothers fight over something that is not true?
This is what happens when two young people who are not prepared for marriage marry.....
Whatever advice you get here that is meaningful,please hold unto it ........and that your tongue can become a thing of beauty to build your home instead of a tool to destroy it...
Too toxic a home, maybe you both try counseling
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Stella, my proposal on silky kola would have sufficed here and helped her with the low libido. Do I resend the advert?
DeleteAll these igbo marriages.
DeleteMan cheats yet suspects his wife.
Man beats wife, wife blames herself and looks for how to fix "marriage".
This "being married syndrome ", I don't understand it one bit.
This is sad.....it is well
ReplyDeleteI'm telling you, so so sad.
DeleteEven with all she has been through she is still seeking to work on the relationship. Why do women always get the shorter end of the stick?
Poster God help you.
With all I read above, can someone pls define a good man for me. How is he a good man, maybe bc he gives u money???
DeleteA married man brought his girlfriend home, soiled the bedspread and u collected slaps for daring to ask him. And u say he's a good man? Chimoooooo!!! Some Women are suffering in this institution called marriage
Thank you o @ Anonymous. What exactly does these married girls define as "Good man"?
DeletePoster, you do not know what a "Good man" is and until girls of these days are taught how to define a good man and what to look out for in courtship and what they should expect in marriage, chronicles like this will continue.
Our mothers and councillors must stop teaching and preparing good girls for terrible men. Telling them "husband's house is a house of endurance" instead that marriage is meant to be enjoyed.
So you just chopped hot beatings just yesterday and your brain is still capable of classifying him as good man?!
One mumu will soon come and say it's because the women of today are CEOs. madam, marriage is not a do or die affair.
DeletePush up..she has said it that she needs to amend her ways or she will leave. Yes the woke CEOs are destroying their homes
DeleteThere is no "normal pleasurable feeling" during thrusting for everybody. People are different. I don't feel anything during penetration. I orgasm from clitoris stimulation and many of my friends could care less about thrusting too. So you are not abnormal.
ReplyDeleteI hate thrusting. I wish sex was all clitoral stimulation
DeleteAll this lesbians make we hear word
DeleteAnonymous 02:07, abeg tell them oooo
Deleteits not about being a lesbian most women get orgasm only through clitoral stimulation i am one of them and i love dick more than breast
DeleteThis is not marriage darling. Living in fear of a man you claim to be good and your husband? What’s there to restore if the man in question is allowed to “remain this way”.
ReplyDeleteI find it hard to reconcile what people mean when they say someone is a good person but act like a wild animal. How is your husband a good man when;
1. He brings in stray women into your matrimonial home.
2. He beats you up.
3. He emotionally abuses you.
My dear, I won’t ask you to leave your home but as far as I’m concerned you both will do more harm to yourselves if you don’t find a resolve to be better people. You and your tongue need to do better and he needs to work on his anger issues. How do you even feel getting beat up and still looking to reconcile in the same breath? Sometimes, I wonder a lot of things about what marriage means to a lot of you because the things you say always wow me. He beats you, and you are sexually frustrated but first thing you are worried about is “restoring your home” when the other partner is not a willing participant. You both need to find a compromise and agree to work this out as adults. No insults, no fights and you go for counseling. You both need to respect each other and stop the dog fights or walk walk away while you still can, marriage is not a do or die affair.
You always make sense with your analysis. Thanks for your beautiful mind and word
DeleteExactly my question up there, what defines es a man as good, Iam eating and couldn't type all I want with left hand but we women should know better than this. Thanks Doppel
DeletePoster follow this advise biko. Nawa
DeletePoster, why did you both get married?
ReplyDeleteSecond question- are you circumsised?
Ask that second question like this; "did they mutilate your clit?"
DeleteThere is nothing like circumcision in females. It is mutilation.
God did not institute anything like that, only for males.
From what she said, what I inferred is that clit O is not a problem for her but vag O which is a problem for majority of women. They can't cum with penetration except external stimulation of the clit. What I think also is that she may not be lubricating sufficiently. If a woman is wet there, she wouldn't talk about it the way she did.
Delete***** isss okaaaay o!
Deleteyou for kukuma add the Bible portion.
I expect many arrows from what I will write here
ReplyDelete1. Who wants the marriage and who has "unbridled tongue issues that generates slaps...?"
2. Who is writing a chronicle?
Since the answer to this ajujus is not the man but the woman. I will talk to the woman.
Solutions:
1. Repair your own faults first by discipline; humble yourself before God
the maker of this institution of marriage by fasting; yes, fasting and praying and studying God's Word -the manual for life/marriage which you
both neglected and did not build
the foundation of your marriage on him.
2. Begin to "court" this man. Yes it is your turn to do that if you still wants to remain married to him like you seek.
The evil one came into the marriage (since it lacks a godly foundation) and "probably" using sexual immorality, he captured his soul and
that is why the "accusation" is raining. Do not forget that the Serpent is the accuser of the brethren.
So the ball is in your court madam.
ngwanu 🏹🏹
I'm sorry you are so shallow it beats me. I'm tempted to ask what your educational background is because you do not have balance at all when it comes to thinking. Have you stopped to think for a seconds that, this poster might not be a Christian? People like you portray this faith in a bad light. Even Jesus didn't impose the Christian faith on people. If you are looking for an avenue to preach, ask Stella for a column. You coming to impose your beliefs on people is really daft.
DeleteAlways look at things in all dimensions; Socially, morally and politically before giving an opinion. Just incase you are thinking I'm just somebody who doesn't know anything about the bible. I'm a Christian too. The Christian faith believes in independence. When you criticize people all the time like this, you loose them instead. Moreover you can't convert anyone when Christ Himself doesn't convert them.
Sometimes you sound like a bitter and aggressive person in real life,your type will find it difficult to convert an unbeliever as a Christian. Why put the whole blame, no sign of love from your comments.
DeleteAre you minding her? Somewhere in her mind she's the only Christian on this blog and the only righteous one here. AGN or whatever they call you, you are so judgemental and bitter I'm tempted to think something terrible might have happened to you as a child. Were you denied love, raped, molested etc? You need to seek help, your behaviour is toxic and you might not be able to win souls.
DeleteAhaaaaaaaaaa! Ndi uta agbago -arrow shooters don shoot!
DeleteKa m sikwa 😊😊
@16:23 shooter
When you say I "impose my belief on others", you mean "at gunpoint or knife point or arrowpoint" because
I am confused 😯😯😯😕😕😕😕😕😕😖😖😖
I write my comments, if you don't like it, scroll pass.
As for the education background you yarn. Sorry nne, education does not
guarantee salvation. I schooled in both Naija and western country and
went beyond first degree inugo? But for God's judgment, all na thrash!
@Queenamy
I no chop ya bitter leaf soup o🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
And make I point our a correction, I drop the word of advice/word of God
Holy Spirit convinces and converts not me or any human inugo?
Chai, arrow shooters 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Wow, see a lot of arrow shooters worried for me that "I might not be able to win souls?"
Delete😊😊😊😊😊
"raped, molested, denied love, a lot of terrible things..." wow, so much hatred! While you
hate me, you are not hating me but the words that I type;
John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.
Make una try another tactics (with the regard to the project you all have in mind), unu anugo?
🤣🤣 my dear, you haven't schooled in any western world and you haven't attended university. How did I know, your level of reasoning and exposure. Secondly anybody that school in western world is not quick to use that information as a tool to say going to school there equals knowledge. You are just a local champion. I doubt if you've gone pass elementary school as it's so obvious you are not exposed.
DeleteNext time please write in English so all of us can understand you. We are all not from Nigeria here, local woman.
I'm not surprised you are here arguing AGN. Everybody can't be wrong and you alone is right everyday. If I should advise you, I will say, you should do a self evaluation.
DeleteNo I won't read your comments and pass by; I used to until today but I won't be doing that again because you keep using the bible to judge people here forgetting that this is a social site and you are portraying Christians in a bad light. Nothing is wrong in you preaching to people with love but if you use the christian faith to attack people instead of showing love, then you have to be corrected. Lest people think Christian's are judgemental when we are clearly advise not to judge.
My dear i don't hate you and from the beginning i use to applaud your preaching until i realized Christianity does not come like you make it look, God is not bitter and judgemental like you portray, you remind me of my sister when she joined the Lords chosen newly, I'm happy she has gotten herself back after my parent sent her abroad to study, we now have a total different person not the bitter judgemental fellow, she preaches on different platform more than before but with much love, respect and regard for a fellow human. You can decide to continue with however you deem fit, it's your life but i had to do this after going through some of your comments for some time. Peace my fellow arrow shooter
DeleteI can see the arrow shooters are even denying their own arrows.
DeleteONce someone quote the Scriptures implicitly or explicitly, you
call it "judgment?"
So what do we call it when you folks "bundle ANG and throw into hell?"
Ajuju
Yes, it has happened a lot of times
on this blog.
One word I have for you all is this: REPENT!
The poster of this chronicle to whom the above comment was made is the
only person that has the right to accept it or reject it.
I do not write to please all of you arrow shooters unu anugo?
John 7: 7The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that its works are evil.
Delete@18:39
DeleteI can see, it is no longer "she is not a woman...she is evil..."
it is now my "education" that is worrying you okwa ya?
Nsogbu adiro -no problem, which one will you chant tomorrow, "she is not human?"
Bring them on
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I'm sure the husband is way older than her, what kind of environment is that? Didn't you know of his temperament before you married him? Was it the money?. You both are no fit at all. You can't have a temperamental man and a loud mouthed woman under one roof,you both need to go for counselling cause a marriage can only work if the parties involved can come to a balance. How can a man be so jealous to the extent of distrusting his wife and brother
ReplyDeleteHe doesn’t need to be older. Some MEN are still babies mentally. All they go is physic but mentality is zero in terms of maturity. I have witnessed such a person and it was mentally draining the whole time we were together. He is quick to blame everyone or anything but himself. He has zero respect for himself talk more of anyone else. He was beginning to be a nuisance around me and everyone that knows us, I had to kick his arse to the curb before I become a gossip topic.
DeleteTo the poster, yours is a marriage, like someone advised me, the ball is in your court. We cannot tel you what to do because honestly, there’s ally more you didn’t tel us. Take care of you and that baby. Ask God for guidance. Be safe 🤗.
True,they both need to see a counsellor,try to initiate that since you still want your marriage to work or better report him to a responsible person you know he respects, from there kick off the work in progress.
DeleteI have a few questions for the poster: How many months or years was your courtship? What were his characters before marriage? Were you forced to marry him? From all indications you two don't know each other's behavior, hence, the constant fight.
DeleteOn how to fix your marriage, you can't do it alone, he must also be interested in fixing the marriage. First, learn to control your tongue and anger. If you can see a marriage counselor, go ahead. You two need to remember what brought you together in the first place.
They always start with "my husband is a good man"..........
ReplyDeleteIm still looking for the good
DeleteMost of us have been damaged beyond repair. We see trash and call it good
DeleteLol for all the things in your head so na this thing wey hungry you to write lol.anonymous 15:11
DeleteMy dear don't mind them. My husband is a good man why are you still writing chronicles. Yeye women that always see a way to support their stupid horsebands
DeleteHow many of you married women are happy in your marriage? You all are quick to judge others yet slaves to your so called husbands.ikwakwakwaaaa...married woman indeed! Once they marry, they feel like they have what should be envied yet Chronicles will keep raining in! Marriage gbakwa oku!
DeleteNo, their definition of good is MONEY....if he doles it put. .
Delete"being good"
DeleteThey are trying to avoid you cursing their darling horsebands while advising them on what to do.
DeleteMaybe good in bed or good at giving money 💰
DeleteCut off your tongue.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is an abusive cheat but it's all your fault.
How is it her fault
Delete@Nectarious
DeleteRead Colossians 3:5, Rom. 12:1-3, 1 Tim. 4:6-9 and see how to tame the tongue.
Simply put it is training the body in fasting and meditation in God's Word.
cutting it off doesn't guarantee that it won't wag.
haven't you ever seen the dumb and deaf get angry?
It is worse, because what they can't express with
their mouths, they make it up with their fits of rage and
their hands. Pray not to fall into the trouble of the dumb
Their both at fault.
DeleteJesus please you people should read to understand abeg.
DeleteNefarious is being sarcastic and you guys missed it.
DeleteHmmmm.... Take the wheel Lord
ReplyDeleteWhen two people enter the car and lock the doors, you tell the Lord to "take the wheel?"
DeleteJesus is the gentle Lord, he said he stands at the door and knock Rev. 3:20
Shouldn't they both open the door to him, starting from the woman that wrote us?.
There are some wheels Jesus will leave for us to handle.
Deletethis clearly shows that these two people are not compatible.
Chronicles of Narnia.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of smelling gist is this. I think you need to inform your parents on what is going on. Why do you want to stay in a situation where you are constantly beaten?
ReplyDeleteWomen have suffered for Nigeria. Let me just keep my western mouth shut and read the Nigerian advise
ReplyDeleteIf the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? Trust me when I say, the solution to your problem is with Jesus, turn to him in prayers.
ReplyDeleteMadam how is your husband a good man. I just tire for some women.
ReplyDeleteThat is our women's national anthem. Once they start, the first line is my horse and is a good man, he provides for me. He takes care of the children and you still write chronicles. Chai
DeleteOga good now. As him dey bring food and cloth money. U dey mind her.
DeleteWhy would your husband accuse you of sleeping with his younger brother and keeping men friends?
ReplyDeleteHow did it get to that?
You made a huge mistake telling your hubby you’d sleep with his brother. In some part of the country, it’s an abomination. You can’t be saying things like that.
Only God knows the things you say, your attitude for him to accuse you that way.
No marriage is perfect, sometimes we just have to ignore and let things slide for peace to reign.
You should learn to talk less no matter how angry you are....it will help you a great deal.
I am sure you must have said things you weren't supposed to.
Your husband betrayed and disrespected you by bringing in another woman into your matrimonial home.
I hope you are not the type that pays back in exact same coin? Since your hubby cheated, you’d want to do same.
My dear, don’t even think about it, it won’t end well. In the end, you lose it all.
Why did your house help tell you now something that happened a long time ago?
Your reaction is justified, you had every right to.
I'd suggest you bring in your in-laws at this point. Don't involve your family just yet.
Mind you, you will be made to apologize to your husband even though he hurt you. Please apologize and act the fool part.
You are very young, you have a lot to learn.
Please learn to keep quiet sometimes, it doesn't make you stupid or weak, It makes you the better one.
Good luck.
Simply tell her to be a mumu because she must be married! Married to an animal parrading as wife..lol poster I don't Pitt you at all, you will die soon enough
Deletekeeping quiet makes one a fool most times...you are a weak man or woman with low self esteem
DeleteOP you and your hubby lack home training, go back home and get trained. You are both competing in your home, can two drivers drive a bus at once?
ReplyDeleteRestore what? That man is a monster and will never change. Leave that marriage now before they carry corpse someday. What nonsense
ReplyDeleteYou madam threatened to cheat with his brother and random men.
ReplyDeleteYou are suspecting him of having cheated.
Trust has vanished from this marriage.
God was probably never called into this marriage.
It is time to call upon God.
How to bridle your tongue?Ask God.
ReplyDeleteAs for the quarrel ,please don't say things when angry,because men hardly forgets when told you might cheat on them,even with a ghost..
You both need therapy for this marriage to work smoothly.
Keeping quiet is not an excuse for abuse nor does it avoid abuse.
DeleteI have sharp mouth too but I know when to draw the line, how can you let your mouth control you? Now you have used your mouth to turn your home to a battle ground. Your husband is not mature too, he is a cheater that is why he keeps accusing you. Y’all need help fast before you raise troubled children for other people’s children to marry.
ReplyDeleteThe child is seeing it and if she did not get hold of herself, the child will become a monster
DeleteDo whatever make u happy...he cheated and still beat you on top, he even have the gurt to bring a lady to ur matrimonial bed...I can't cope with such men pls... Marriage is not by force...
ReplyDeleteI'm almost in the same category as u, only that my wife controls all we do. she doesn't cook nor clean the house. What is happening in marriage o. Is this why I married?
ReplyDeleteOga do you cook or clean the house? Abi you believe it's for the women alone
DeleteWhich one is same category? Did she bring a man,'s home or threatened yyou to not enjoy the marriage.
DeleteOga you are a man except na the woman marry you or pay your groom price.
I don't understand this your classification
From your comment I knew you're a man that can't tame a dog my to talk of coordinating a home.
DeleteWeak man.
Yours is different because you knew she was like that before you married her, this is what you get when you leave decent girls to marry a slay queen. Go get a maid uncle
DeleteYour husband is a cheating manipulative bastard,honestly your husband just want to be in total control so he can do & undo while you have no say.
ReplyDeleteYou are immature in this marriage.
You both need to start on a fresh slate. How to do it I don't know.
Maybe its time to involve that person he respects and values so much, his parents & yours, while at it work on your self,your tongue,your body,your self esteem.
Your marriage is too young to be having this kinda baseless issue. Goodluck
When I got married newly too, I and hubby will fight and shout, no hitting but when he get angry over silly things, we both shout at each other, now we are trying to act like human beings, I know he has hot temper so do I, and I also have skoin skoin coz I just make unnecessary trouble at times. In all, I have learned to pick my battles. The rates at which I get angry is low, and he acts like the bigger person too now, he apologizes for peace to reign even when I’m wrong at times, me too I over look little things he does dat makes me angry. See marriage is hardwork, it’s not a competition between two people, once u realize this u will learn to live in peace. Stop pushing your husband to d extent of him beating u, are u a goat? Infact if you have action parents, let them know so the beating can stop! You can also go to your parents for a while to clear your head and come and work on ur marriage
ReplyDeleteOh my chest. Anonymous 15:34. Your comment brought so much smile to me. It almost mirrowed mine.
DeleteMy advice to any single or married out here. First step (aside God being the foundation of your home ofcourse) is EQ. Believe me emotional intelligence helps you to control conflicts. Not just with your spouse but with your colleagues, Fellow students and on transit.
My husband is good man. Lol. You never start. You must have experienced shit in your life to the man u described up there a good man
ReplyDeleteFor the sex, do FIN drink and drink it daily, eat lots of water melon, stop letting your hubby insert dick immediately he is erect, I’m sure he is not aboki, fore play helps, touch your selves you too when fucking, rub your clits with your finger and see how each thrusting will be landing at the right destination.
ReplyDeleteYour horseband is possessed. Only a possessed man behaves like that.
ReplyDeleteMy dear even if you don't talk back he will still beat you.
Bringing a girl into your matrimonial home, truly he is really possessed.
Better leave the house first, get a trial separation and see how things goes.
Let's see if you will have rest of mind or you still wants to stay married. With all these he had said, you are on your own
Yori Yori
Yori baby, she no get liver for that.she must marry!
DeletePoster please you need to work on yourself first. always tell yourself that you will be silent in the face of anger no matter what (this is not easy tho but can be worked on with time,please do alot of prayer this time and take stella's advise on using your mouth to build your home by doing positive confession always. marriage is alot of hardwork however concentrate on self improvement,if this is achieved your action will win your husband over and love will be restored but keep doing alot of positive confession about your home.#may God breathe love and peace into your home.
ReplyDeletePlease this is rubbish advice. Imagine not expressing yourself to a mere man because he’s a husband. Are we worshipping God or marriage in Nigeria? And who told you that silence avoids abuse? Wrong wrong wrong and leads to victim blaming
DeleteAnd she said her husband is a good man???????
ReplyDeleteHonestly, must u all always say the same thing Stella said? This Woman was pushed... JEEZ. Madam, this man has no respect for you, why do u want to die there? I hope u have a job, if u do, start "isolating" him too. If u can leave do, cos that man is not a good man. Marriage is not a do or die affair. Is this how unhappy u want to be for the rest of your life?
ReplyDeleteMy dear anony, she said he is a good man ooo.
DeleteYou're still calling your husband "good man". Ha!
ReplyDeleteTry talking calmly to him. Also, talk to mature responsible people in your families to intervene, (not those who support bad things or put fire into the situation). Please let your family know of the beating and cheating. It may be good for you to spend a holiday with your family to think and get good advice.
Most importantly, supplicate God in prayer. It may be that your husband has been charmed by another woman that he's now saying he hates you and you'll live in isolation until you leave his house. Na so e dey start.
When ever they start the chronicle with ‘my Husband is a good man’... I go here we go again...
ReplyDeleteA good man does not hit a woman
And u obviously do not know how to bridle your tongue. Such a toxic place u got there
Let me leave it to others to advice ...
Abi ooo, their definition of a good man is warped, to say the least.
DeleteBoth of you are not yet matured enough for marriage, you better go your separate ways before you kill each other. A man that suspects his own brother and his own wife of having sex with each other, what else is left in that man's heart.
ReplyDeleteAbi ooo, the guy has issues, to say the least. My question to you poster is, do you want to die?
DeleteThis is why I broke up with my fiancé, insecurity is a disease...your husband needs counseling and needs to change
ReplyDeleteGood for you. Thank God for your wisdom and courage.
DeletePoster you need to be more patient and becareful what you say to your husband cos he will use your words against you
ReplyDeleteWhen ever you are angry please try not to say anything you can do it.
An adage in Yoruba says, marriage is a place to learn, a school you can't graduate from.
There's a trust issue work on it so you can gain his trust back.
Two wrongs can not make it right.
Why do you still have male friends, is there something lacking in your husband these friends provide? Why are there trust issues, did you do something in your dating years that made him suspicious of you? You're not numb sexually, you need to explore your body, where do you like to be touched, guide his hand or mouth there during lovemaking...not all women reach orgasm with thrusting. Lastly, talk to your husband, tell him how you feel about the fights and how its affecting your home, talk to not at him. Active listening helps, what's he saying that you aren't listening to. In marriage you have to learn to ignore and forgive. If he's making statements calling you derogatory words, ask him why he married you, after all you are a reflection of his choices, it'll shut him up for good. If he says you were pretending ask him to take more time to study you more. Don't raise your voice, just be calm. I'm not comfortable with him thinking it's OK to beat you because of your statements, it's not right. Lastly, pray,pray for yourself, not your husband, ask God to change you in ways you can't imagine. Read the power of a praying wife by stormie omartian. It's a book that encourages you to get closer to God as a WOMAN before a wife. The devil is wrestling to take over your life and make you an unhappy woman, mother and wife. Let God take the reins.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling that the marriage don caput. Your husband is far gone dear. It will take the grace of God to bring back 'trust'. Your mouth, your mouth your mouth, pray hot coal from heaven to bridle your tongue.
ReplyDeleteYou hurt his ego big time, by bluffing, you will sleep w his brother & other fellows. Wetin dey worry you sef?
At 24, you are not young, sitting there running your mouth anyhow. Others younger than you hv kept their homes.
Now I am not justifying his violence towards you, lie lie. He too should learn how to pick up his keys and walk when you start oozing your verbal diarrhea.
The solution of this stalemate lies between you two. Peace.
Look for a calm, educated and exposed middle aged couple who you respect and approach them or just the wife. Ask them to teach you how to control your temper and tongue. But the truth is that he will beat you again. Once anger rises from the mind and reaches the fist, it cannot go back inside again. But I doubt that you will leave, because this man is obviously rich. A poor man cannot cheat on you, beat you and tell you that he hates you with indescribable passion and you will still want to know how to enjoy sex with him.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is good man. Lol. You never start. You must have experienced shit in your life to the man u described up there a good man
ReplyDeleteThis is not marriage, this is imprisonment. Your husband is displaying signs of paranoia. He is not a rational human being. Even if you were to clam up and say nothing he strikes me as the type who does not need any outside influence to beat. He is brainwashing you to believe that him beating you is your fault and if you just learned to keep quiet all would be well. Every abusive man uses the same tactics, somehow them beating you will always be your fault and something you have full control to prevent. Lies!
ReplyDeleteYou cannot continue to live under the same roof as him. If I were you I would seek an annulment of the marriage on the pretext of his mental illness, paranoia and physical and emotional abuse; then leave with my child to the farthest end of the country or another country completely. I don't trust him and I do not trust that you and that baby are safe. If for whatever reason you cannot leave the home then setup hidden cameras to record both the video and audio in the public spaces.
As for the sex, you will not feel anything for someone you are afraid of. You will be too tense and nervous to relax enough to enjoy sex. Every woman have some nerve ending at the opening of their vagina, not anything close to the amount in the clitoris, but enough to feel some pleasure during penetration, under normal circumstances you would feel something. You feeling numb tells me it is your own fear of him or your husband is so rough with you that it numbs you instead of stimulating you. I wish you God's richest blessings and protection.
💯👏👏👏👏 One million likes.
DeleteNice one! Poster you need to absorb this gist.
DeleteYou’re in an abusive marriage and that’s why you’re blaming his beatings on your “sharp tongue” meanwhile his heavy allegations on you are called “anger”. You’re a human being too, you have the right to be angry. If we can question God then who is a husband that we can’t express ourselves. He cheats and hits you and accuses you of sleeping with his brother to make you feel bad and beg him and as an excuse for his actions
ReplyDeleteYou already mentioned that affection is gone. If you are attracted to a person, you will want to cuddle. You will be wet. Cuming is a thing of the mind. Just his warm body close to yours on a rainy morning will make you happy. Talkless of the thrusting itself.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you with someone you don't love?
Start from the foundation...how and where did you meet? So much disrespect and lack of trust emanates from your home.
ReplyDeleteSolution? Therapy and counseling.
Your husband is a manipulator.You are not excused for talking without filter but my dear,this relationship of yours in toxic and it will not end well.A man beats you,he brings whores to your bed,he is insecure and you say you want to keep "home"?Then you are talking about sexual frustration in the same breath!Please look inwards,love yourself,pray and ask yourself if you deserve this toxic relationship.No good man puts his hands on woman.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is abusive but he knows how to make u feel it’s all your fault. Google has lighting
ReplyDeleteWhen you run your mouth just another like a faulty faucet, this is what get.
ReplyDeleteThat marriage is over, in case you don't know..
If only women are taught that the effort we put into our looks, education, respecting others isn’t enough for us.
ReplyDeleteThe amount of psychological training that we need is endless. In a world where people are prying on the weakest link in all situations, women always carry last, even when dealing with fellow women.
Poster, you are not ready o! I hope someone else will come and advise you better. You’re being abused physically and emotionally. This is domestic violence. You’re being conditioned to blame yourself which will destroy you. It’s called gaslighting. Speak up before you are severely damaged. You are only 24 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. Get help, don’t suffer in silence. Tell someone that you trust. There is no shame o! If you love your child, do it for him because you need to be alive and well to ensure that he has a good future.
Also, no matter what, make sure that you have an income. Are you working or doing business? If not, start now.
I'm glad you already identified what's lacking in your marriage communication, affection and understanding. Also your own unbridled tongue and his incontrollable anger.
ReplyDeleteMy advice to you will be to pray, pray and pray about it first. Do not underrate the power of prayer. It does wonders and it changes things. I belong to a women WhatsApp group where we pray together and we've had testimonies on issues like this. So when I say pray, I'm not just saying it for "talk" sake. There is no heart that the Lord cannot change. The Bible says the heart of a king is in the hands of the Lord and he turns it wherever he will. Taking it to God, the author of marriage is the first thing you should do.
While at it, try and work on your own tongue too (Faith without work is dead). No matter how provoked you may be, please learn to control what you say especially in moments of anger. Not because you dont know or have what to say but because you want peace to reign. Change your character and see if your husband won't change his. Shower him with love and affection. Try to have a heart to heart discussion with him, if he's unyielding, you can speak to someone you know he respects to help talk to him ( while still praying abiut it).Even if this does not work too, keep praying until something happen. Do not give up on your marriage, something beautiful can still come out of your home.
Please note that I am not putting any blame on you. I am only advising you to do what you can do to make your marriage work.
To every turbulent storm and wave raging through your home, I speak the peace of the Lord in Jesus name.(Amen)
Joyous Joy
the "mumu" button of your husband lies in your hand...you need to birdle your tongue, work on your self, the change in you will sparkle up the love once again and you will win him back
ReplyDeleteNo you need to listen to your husband and find a new man
DeleteHe has moved on and he’s beating you hoping you’ll leave too
Marriage is not but force
Poster you already knows that your tongue is the cause of your problem with your husband, you alone can work on it. You are not submissive to your husband, you don't win a fight cos you can speak English, you win cos you have wisdom. The best way to handle a man with anger issue is to be calm, speak less, listen more, give him full attention when he is talking, after the fight calmly say baby I am sorry, forgive me. But no you will shout when he is talking, control your tongue. Not everything he says need a reply, you can deal with him later in za oza room.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, your husband does not respect you, I cannot take cheating especially bringing the gir home,take your action on that. Remember man who hit you once will always do so. Involve family members, stay far from his brother. If you have male friends discard them for now till you win your husband's trust.
Lastly, take out some space to think if ou can continue taking his shit for the next 20 if he refuses to change. Spice up your marriage, male your bedroom life hot again. Read this book Answers for your marriage by Bruce and Carol
your marriage is dead, get a job if you don't and move on before u get pregnant again in this suffering, your husband isn't a good man, its better you leave now that itsm still new instead of waiting till you have another child for him, love yourself, know your worth and more you're still young, you wouldnt have rushed into marriage, u would ve dating him for a while, mind what you say, don't even tell him you want to leave cs he might harm u just secretly leave with your child before he kill u, life is too short to be unhappy
ReplyDeletewhich submissive, she should be submissive to a man that beats her
ReplyDeleteit has nothing to do with igbo marriages, but everything to do with marrying the wrong person with our eyes fully opened. we ladies need to sit up and start thinking right. stop pleasing the whole world, stop trying to please a man. Focus on pleasing God and building yourself. The right person will locate you. May God help us.
ReplyDelete