RE- TORN BETWEEN TWO WORLDS ....Read it HERE
Thank you for posting Stella,Thank you BVs for all your inputs
I finally found courage and strength to tell Michael about my kids and as I expected,he was very upset about me not telling him about the kids much earlier....
Right now,we are officially not dating anymore as he has said he needs some time..
My kids are the most amazing things life has blessed me with and I bless God each day for that. For that, nothing can separate
As the saying goes,if wishes were horses, beggers would ride..
*Even if he comes back to beg,please dont take him back...that first hesitation and break up is not a good sign that he will be a good father to your kids..
I don’t agree with your red pen Stella. Anyone would need time to process this news that she’s been hiding from him. If he comes back after taking this time off, you should give him a chance, all other things being equal.
ReplyDeleteI agree. It is only fair for you to give him some time to process this info. If he comes back that he is still interested, then fine. If not please move on with your life and focus on your children.
DeleteI agree. It is only fair for you to give him some time to process this info. If he comes back that he is still interested, then fine. If not please move on with your life and focus on your children. No man is worth abandoning your children for.
Delete👍👍
DeleteSo Stella you are expecting him to jump up with joy because she has three kids abi? You think it is that easy, Haba, sometime your red pen nodey make sense at all.
DeleteI agree. Let's assume he wont come back though, so she isnt putting her mind on him coming back. Next time madam, please say it. I do mine like this, hmmm am going to do school runs after this our outing. Yes darling, I have 3 lovely kids with my ex partner. Simples. Let him walk away if he wants to. Oshisco
DeleteI totally support adabekee's comment. Stella your red pen no follow today 😂
DeletePoster please follow Ada's advice. Every normal human being will react this way at first except if the man doesn't even have any plan for you before.
DeleteLet him go.
ReplyDeleteFocus on yourself and kids.
You don’t even need to remarry, just get yourself some quality pussy appointments.
Don’t blame Michael for asking for sometime alone, he didn’t expect any of that. Hiding it wasn’t cool.
If he comes back, give him a chance.
It’s not fair to be kept in the dark about such things. It’s good you opened up.
Stella please don't say that again naa. Just understand that guy man needs time to process the information... who wouldn't? If he comes around and the feeling is mutual... why not?
ReplyDeleteAccording to Steve Harvey in Think like a Man, single mothers, don't wait till your relationship is well underway before letting the man knows you have kids. Do it at the beginning and if he's not ok with it, so be it.
DeleteThose girls are your family, stop giving yourself HBP over marriage, just get a companion n enjoy life
ReplyDeleteor if you wanna prove something to your ex which I'm suspecting is d case,..then look for who has kids of his own n not looking forward to have more kids.
You know, I thought of this on the first thread. I think she wants to prove to her ex that she’s still wanted despite having birthed three children.
DeleteThe tone of her chronicle gave this away.
Poster u don’t need to remarry na... you can have a partner ..
DeleteCase closed. Move on sis and watch God open doors for you and your kids.
ReplyDeleteThe right man will come ☺
You dropped a big blow on him and it's expected for him to react this way and rightly so.
ReplyDeleteIf he comes back, good..if he doesn't, even better. Take care of those girls, they are your treasures.
You will get a companion and this time, be honest straight up. Keep ya head up, sis.
Stella, please don't say that. Ofcourse he should hesitate. She kept something very important from him. Why should he be expected to immediately be accepting of something this huge that would require a psychological adjustment?
ReplyDeletePoster,give him time to recover from the surprise. Remember that right now, in his mind, you aren't very trustworthy for not being upfront about something this big. If in retrospect, he understands your reasons and he loves you enough to want to give it another go, give him a chance to get to re-learn the real you (unlike the person he earlier knew who was under the burden of trying to hide her status as a mother),he will love your children too.
Thank you ooooh!!
DeleteHow can he just embrace that sort of news?? He'll definitely be shocked nah..... Put yourself in his shoes!!
Give him the break too but let it be FOREVER. Good riddance bad rubbish.
ReplyDeleteMadam, don’t feel too bad. Men dey everywhere and Michael may just decide to stick it out and see how it goes. If he doesn’t, no qualms, sh*t happens. Move on. However, I’d advise you to be upfront about your parenting status. Those that will stay will stay.
ReplyDeleteShalom
No stella, that was too harsh, he actually needs time to process it and factor them into the equation,the implications for him and all that. He actually needs time to think hard if he had good intention for you. And yes I'm a woman. Some decision require serious thinking. Good you let it out, if he comes back good if he doesn't life goes on.
ReplyDeleteGive him some time and see if he will come back but if not just free him. Is better now than later.
ReplyDeleteStella the guy is only human. So I love his reaction. Give him time. If not focus on your kids.
ReplyDeleteNobody will be happy to know you are having 3 kids to join in the relationship.
Only women take shit even when the man has 7, they will still put head. Men don't want to stand for the women with kids.
My dear please enjoy with your kids. At least you won't think of pregnancy, STDs or any heart aches.
It's not just about the fact that she has kids. It's her lie that's compounding the issue. If I were the man, I'd be very worried cos if a woman who can lie about the existence of children that came out of her own body, who I come be?
DeleteOf course, someone already having children will always be an issue. Cos the first question is "Where is the other parent and why are you not together?" Then, you add things like, "Where are the children and why have I never seen them around?" And it starts to look like you were deliberate about hiding them. Or you come across as an evil parent who sent their child away so they can look properly single. Do I want a life with such a person? No.
OA
If you allow this man back into your life, know that he has four wives.
ReplyDeleteHe will be pounding all four anytime he likes. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Sick mind
Delete@Tenth
DeleteWhat do you mean by sick mind?
Stella what do you mean by even if he comes back to beg don't take him back? Everyone has a right to want one thing or another. Will you say this if the guy was one of your boys? When single matured babes yapa without pikin why should a man be guilt tripped. Do you know the financial responsibility that goes into taking care of your own child let alone another man's child? In my house we have two grandmas who came in with little kids. Although they lie that they gave birth to the kids because both of them shouldn't be up to 50 years, we way know know. One has one married daughter and three other daughters who augment their wages with bringing men in for quicky (coughs) . The other has just one married daughter who's husband carries all the financial problems of his fulltime house wife and "her mothers kids".😂😂 Op that is the way it is done in Nigeria. I don't know why you are slow. There are many homeless kids and your daughters will be lucky if they even have a grandma and mother who love them and provide for them. Don't let blog visitors fool you on the blog because they are still the same Nigerians who will judge you outside. My mom is a successful single mom who ran from a domestic violence filled marriage. I know the snide remarks married landlords wife make when my mom is gisting with their husband's ( as per fellow landlords o) I know the once who have turned our tenants against us because of envy on how a woman can be so successful. Can a single mother not be accused as wanting to steal someone's dirty, smelly husband. I can't go into details but Nigerian society isn't fair to single mothers rara.
ReplyDeleteDo what I do. I am a single mother so i am not interested in marriage because I don’t need any guy to frustrate my children for me. But I have one Jamaican guy for my sexual needs, that guy can fuck very well. All you need is a guy to service you very well maybe weekly or biweekly. Pour all your energy on your kids. Marriage should not be your priority.
ReplyDeleteWise woman.
DeletePoster take this Anonymous advice and work with it. You might feel you need a man in your life to help support you and the kids but I tell you that men of today are out to care for themselves and their own offspring's. Except you get a man who has kids of his own and he is ready to marry then fine for you.
DeleteExactly.. take marriage out of your mind.. if it comes it comes.. if y meet a man who would be helping you financially better else you would remain heartbroken looking for a man who would stay with u nd your kids.. people don’t even hide their kids in this uk but Naija is a funny country for single mothers
DeleteStella, how is the hesitation a sign that he won't be a good father? Why are you helping this woman make herself out to be the victim? It takes TIME to process some kinds of info, especially the type that should never have been withheld in the first place + if it changes the life of the person being told! Do you think life is a 90-minute movie where you drop any kind of bombshell on people and they immediately say, "It's okay, no problem'? Apart from other things, he has to ask himself, "If she could lie about this, what else has she lied about?"
ReplyDeleteI have an old friend from university who as soon as her husband proposed, I rejoiced then I asked her if he knew about a health condition she has. She said, "I told him as soon as he said he wanted us to date." As far as I know, that condition has no medical cure so I wouldn't have found it funny if she hid it from him. Lord knows, I wouldn't have attended the wedding. We all went to the same university and though I knew her husband on campus, she's the one I was friends with. Some days after she had an episode (the year after they got married), I saw her in hospital and I won't lie - my heart cut. I'd known about the condition and what it could do since we became friends cos I'd read up on it, but I had never actually seen it in operation like that. It causes the body to attack itself but her husband was there, solid. None of us was up to 30yo at the time. They're still married today and have children (doctors said it was impossible cos the condition should have made her body attack the children).
Poster, re-reading your chronicle yesterday night, I noticed you said most PEOPLE don't know you have children. Meaning it's not just potential suitors you're hiding the existence of your daughters from? Madam poster, you have problems abeg. After all, Ciara doesn't have 10 heads. You might look put together and all that (according to you), but nobody wants to be with a liar. Life is too uncertain already to try to navigate it with someone who is too selfish to tell you the truth that will affect them. You want a man to like you for you, but which you is that?
OA
Its your kind that sounds judgemental and self righteous that why pple don't come out straight. U r feeling like the Pope himself. Abeg pack well
DeleteThe poster is the problem. What kind of a mother hides her children from people? What is more important? Your children or a six inch grissle? Why put a relationship before your kids. You are not a good mother at all poster. If you keep an information as important as this from me, it will take ages for me to process it on discovery.
DeleteWhen I said most people don't know I have kids is because I work in Island while I live in mainland
DeleteI guess you don't expect me to take my kids to work or announce to everyone who cares to listen that I have 3 kids,that I believe is my private issue which I choose to be keep private.And yes,I live and spend time with all my 3 children
The fact that I've been blessed with 3 children shouldn't make look unkempt
I package and take good care of myself. The love I have for myself and my daughters can never be quatified
And NO, I'm not doing this to prove anything to my EX
I choose to live my live in accord to God's laws and principles
I don't need my ex to validate my existence.
Anon 20:50 Lol! I wish I could be bothered with you. I can't.
DeletePoster, I'm going to say it as is; your holding onto your so-called privacy is what has put you in this position. What the heck kind of BS excuse is "I live in mainland, work on the island"? You're saying if you got married and still live in mainland, nobody would know of your husband's existence for that reason? Like I said before, lady you gaaaat PROBLEMS.
1) I don't know how many mothers of three you know, that you would assume anything I wrote = an order for you to look unkempt. But then people who are looking to justify what they know is wrong, will read meaning into what isn't there. I think it's what's left of your conscience pricking you.
2) I didn't mention you proving anything to your ex. In fact, he wasn't on my mind when I commented. Why are you bringing him up? Are you responding to the wrong comment or is this you trying hard to seem like a victim so you're determined to read what isn't there?
You're whining about your love for your daughters on a comment made by someone you can't even see. Are you trying to convince me or yourself? I have to ask cos if your first chronicle is anything to go by, you don't seem to have this kind of energy and BALLS to address people in your life who have the nerve to tell you to deny, hide and throw away your daughters in order to "start a new family"! What the HELL is wrong with you? Some mothers I know would gouge out the eyes and punch out the lights of ANYONE who dared think such a thing. In fact, that's what would start the chronicle! But people can make such comments around you more than once? Nah babe, your aggression is misplaced. I'm not the one you have to try to convince of your supposed love for yourself and/or your daughters. Hint - you'll find the person when next you look in a mirror.
OA
Honestly the first time I read her chronicle I was quite surprised. Like should this even be a chronicle. Whether or not to hide your kids from a potential bf?
DeleteIt just says what you are afraid of admitting. You are stereotyping yourself poster. Obviously you are the type that cares about what people think. And why are you bringing up the issue of you taking care of your self after 3 kids almost everytime. You should take care of yourself even after 1 kid or no kid.
You want to date and that’s fine, but your kids shouldn’t be a stumbling block mehn.
Honestly the first time I read her chronicle I was quite surprised. Like should this even be a chronicle. Whether or not to hide your kids from a potential bf?
DeleteIt just says what you are afraid of admitting. You are stereotyping yourself poster. Obviously you are the type that cares about what people think. And why are you bringing up the issue of you taking care of your self after 3 kids almost everytime. You should take care of yourself even after 1 kid or no kid.
You want to date and that’s fine, but your kids shouldn’t be a stumbling block mehn.
Honestly the first time I read her chronicle I was quite surprised. Like should this even be a chronicle. Whether or not to hide your kids from a potential bf?
DeleteIt just says what you are afraid of admitting. You are stereotyping yourself poster. Obviously you are the type that cares about what people think. And why are you bringing up the issue of you taking care of your self after 3 kids almost everytime. You should take care of yourself even after 1 kid or no kid.
You want to date and that’s fine, but your kids shouldn’t be a stumbling block mehn.
Good riddance.
ReplyDeleteLet him go. You will be fine.
ReplyDeleteLet whoever approach you know your status, no point in hiding it.
Just give him time to think about it and restrategise. It is expected, you dont expect him to start dancing as u told him. Put urself in his shoes. If u guys are destiny to be together, nothing can change that... I wish u best of luck and may God bless ur kids.
ReplyDelete"Destined"
DeleteSweetheart, I don't think you should not take him back based on the first hesitation and even the break up. His reaction is very normal, as a matter of fact, I will be wary of a man who wouldn't show some sort of hesitation to dating a single mum of 3 children. We all have the "ideal" partner in our heads and we tend to gravitate towards people exhibiting the qualities we desire. If you meet someone who initially comes across as the ideal partner but he or she reveals something you're not too comfortable with, will you pause to reevaluate the relationship or will you soldier on, ignoring what could possibly be a red flag? It's very rational to take a couple of steps back and be sure of what you're getting into.
ReplyDeleteLet's make this more practical by assuming, for argument sake, you didn't have kids then you met a guy who has 3 kids, unless you are evolved in your mindset or you don't consider single fathers a deal breaker, you too would probably react the same way. I know I would. It's even safer to give him a second chance because he must have really thought about all the odds and decided you are worth it. Some men might tell you it's no big deal just to get close enough to "hit and quit". Later they will tell you, they thought they could be cool dating a single mum, but now they realise it wouldn't work, when in reality they've known from day 1. That's if they don't just bail without giving you any reason.
Darling, expecting a man you just met to be giddy with excitement at the fact that you have 3 daughters or welcome the fact with open arms, is not a realistic expectation. Of course, there are men who will love you regardless, but don't be too hard on a man who needs time to process the fact that he may need to change his mindset or the picture of his ideal partner to now have your reflection. I like the fact that he was honest with you. Some men will lie to you and take advantage of you, believing all single mums are easy prey.
I strongly believe that the right guy for you is out there. It may be the one who needed timeout or it may be someone else. You and your 3 angels come as a package deal and don't ever be tempted to avoid full disclosure. No man on earth is worth hiding the fact that you have been blessed with kids. All I ask is for you to be more understanding and open minded. That a man leaves because you have kids doesn't necessarily make him a bad man, we all have the right to choose whom we want without people guilty-tripping. There are men who will love you and love your kids as his own. It's always too early to give up while there is life. Hang in there, sweetie.
e-hugs and kisses.
Thank you Ronalda,
DeleteI'll take your words to ❤️
Awesome response, Ronalda. Its is always important to see life from multiple perspectives.
DeleteRonald’s, please stop with all these Sweetheart, daring that you use on people. You give good advice but come across as patronizing. My 2cents
DeleteNo matter what happens just be careful about the safety of your daughters. An alarming high percentage of girls are abused by their mother’s partners, husbands and boyfriends alike. So please be careful
ReplyDeleteI'm always looking out for them like a mother hen
DeleteYeah... I won't blame him for getting angry. Moreover, people react differently. You didn't break the news to him on time. If you had told him earlier, maybe it won't result to this cos then, he was just trying to know you better. This is a serious ish and of course he needs time to think about it. So give him time and don't rush things. If he comes back, pls accept him back (if you really love him tho) but if he doesn't, move on and focus on your kids. I would have advised you to participate in snm but we have so many "offshore scammers" everywhere.....
ReplyDeleteStella You are very wrong! He’s only human! What do you want him to do after poster kept 3 whole kids away from him?
ReplyDeletePoster abeg give him some time and if he comes back please give him a great big hug and take him back
Also please don’t hide anything from him, in the end it’s usually not worth the secrecy!
Imagine if it was a man who hid 3 kids from a woman? All hell wudda let loose!
My dear please take him back if he returns
pls don't always follow Stella's advice.
ReplyDeleteif he comes back, welcome him but pay interest to how he treats your kids
...pay attention to, rather.
ReplyDeleteI'm a single mother of one,I'm not so keen on marriage for fear of abuse or divorce, though people don't know that I'm a mother because of my slim,figure 8 stature,I have a very smooth and flat tummy plus I look more younger than my age.
ReplyDeleteAny man that approach me,I tell them right away which many don't believe.
I'm currently with a younger guy that's talking about relationship but I'm not even interested in it .All I want is a clean and big d**k which the guy has,he can pound for Africa,hours non stop.
Mind you he's not taking drug, just natural, make I enjoy it while it last as the guy insists on serious relationship which I'm not interested in.
It was a good thing you did madam. Pls never get your hopes too high on this . Not likely a single guy will be interested in you with 3 kids . Please look out for someone with kids too not interested in having more say a widower or a divorcée. All the best
ReplyDelete