Breaking the girl code.................
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BREAKING THE GIRL CODE
I have this friend that I have known for over 10 years, right from our university days. I see her more as a sister than a friend. She became like a friend to the family and met my then husband through me. . I was married for over 7 years with no kids.
I have this friend that I have known for over 10 years, right from our university days. I see her more as a sister than a friend. She became like a friend to the family and met my then husband through me. . I was married for over 7 years with no kids.
My hubby and I had several issues and my friend is privy to this. As a friend, I expected her support when I decided i had had enough of this marriage and took a walk.
My ex usually host different programs that my friend used to assist us back then with. Now that the marriage is over, I expect her to cut off communication with him and his friends and move on. He and his friend has a program in Abuja next month, she was invited, flight, stipend and lodging in hotel. I told her not to go cos she's putting herself in a situation where I will no doubt be talked about and she will be a party to that conversation.
I am no more in the country and I wanted her as a supportive friend not to go. Like why will you be in that situation in the first place? She was angry and said am being selfish, that it's all about me. I Want to ask, am I wrong in asking her to stay away?
She's single but would be getting married soon.like what's really there to avoid? I have no interest in my ex and don't care what he does but as a friend why do that? Is it the flight you want to enter or the stipend or what? I have friends that have ex husbands, as soon as the relationship is over, I cut off all communication with their ex. That's the girl code.
*You cant force them to do what you want but if any lady breaks any of the girl code,cut her off like bad breath...what are you ranting for?
What if it is business or work related?? You cant force her to stop talking to your Ex...You are not a baby any longer so stop trying force your opinion on her..I would rather drop you like its hot..
ReplyDeletePls if is business related don't force her.
DeleteThis is a case of i am not talking with a friend so my friend shouldn't also talk with that friend
Poster pls drop that yeye friend asap
DeleteWEB I like you, you have so much sense.
DeleteWhat is this one saying? See why I ve more male friends? Why should I inherit ur enemy? Am I ur next of kin? Poster if she says shes making that trip let her be. If e pain u EX her too. Stop disturbing.
DeleteThank God I hardly mingle with friends hubby, just not my thing. Bros good morning, afternoon or evening, I waka pass. Infact I barely visit my friends when their hubbys are around( it limits fun n gossip).
Poster you are like my elder sister that wants the whole world to hate whoever she has issues with forgetting she is the trouble maker.
DeleteStop trying to control people, you are being selfish.
Poster this is such an easy thing. You don’t trust this friend. You’re scared of what will be exposed about you or happen between her and your ex.
DeleteYou were married for over 7 years but you’ve parted and according to you, you don’t care what he does. You’ve known her for over 10 years. Life is so simple. Why should your friend remain friends with your ex-husband?? They shouldn’t be enemies but why be friends and keep in touch? Poster you’re not in the country. I’m assuming you’ve started a new life. This is really somehow of her. If she goes and you can’t handle it then cut her off. It’s not pettiness. It’s called no time for nonsense because there’s no way your name won’t come up and she may not even tell you what was said. I suspect she knows too much about you. More than you do about her. That’s what you get. Next time use brain and don’t trust people no matter how close.
If it’s business and she needs the bar and you as a friend understand, trust me it’ll make you closer if you encourage her on it and cheer her on. If she has always maintained contact with your ex-husband? Na you fuck up by not brushing her aside since.
Cut your friend off . Business related or whatever she has no business around your ex. Since what connected her to the said person you, are no longer together .
DeleteReading most of the comments here shattered my heart and is actually an eye opener that most of us Nigerians really dont understand the concept of Loyalty in friendship.
DeleteEverything is about money,business,putting food on the table etc.
Really?????? So ,what if poster didnt introduce her to ex hubby, will she not still be putting food on her table in some other way?
We are talking ex hubby not BF oo. Tufiakwa. How can my friend split from her husband and i will still be in contact with him to the extent of attending rubbish programs and events together. Not a company that i am obliged to!!!
Let me tell you something, you cannot claim to be friwnds with someone and still doing things that will hurt that person? Why cant she give up the 2dys fun for over 10yrs friendship? Not like she stated that these is cash for her to maake from the business,,, just pleasure and it is from your friends exhubby you will get it from.
Poster,if you are still reading this, she is not your friend please, cut her off and stop keeping people that will keep opening partially healed wound.
I personally dont even get too friendly with my friends and sisters husbands, this is because i dont want to give them the impression that i will support them if any issues come up. Irrespective of who is at fault, i will pitch tent with my friend. YES! Even if the guy is a saint. I will rather caution my friend privately. Even his friends seeing your friend there is a shame on her cos i kn9w how Nigerian men think "ahhhh, is that not your ex wife besty,imagine her best friend is still hanging around hubby,her friend must be the bad one,,,they will even conclud3 that she took sides with hubby.
Move on with your life poster and dont look back. She is not your friend.
Best comment ever @ Anon 09:53.
DeleteSome people do not know what frienship means.
Loyalty should not be compromised in friendship.
Poster, that lady was never your friend. Please,cut her off.
Stella, I think she's ranting because she expects more from that friend especially one that become a 'sister'.
ReplyDeleteposter, why not cut her off too, since she has chosen who she wants to be loyal to. maybe she'll come back to her senses.
Pele!
This kind of yeye friend won't come back to her senses anything ooo. Just stay away from her and know it's over btw you two coz she won't repent
DeleteThis poster is like me. I don't even allow my friends have my man contact and i don't have any of my friend's man contact. I don't like it and my bestfriend too does not like it. If we see eachother na to greet ourselves and it all ends there. There was a time, my bestfriend used her husband number to call, she did not delete my number from his phone after the call. After some months, the guy called me to confirm something about my Dad former office. After the call, i called my friend and ask her if she gave her husband my number. She said no that she forgot to delete it the day she called me with it, i told her to use style and delete the number from his phone and if he needs to get any information from me, He should go through his wife. I respect the girl's code and i will never hurt my friend for any man. I introduce a guy to you, what dirty friendship are you trying to form with him by having his contact and him having yours too? only my blood relative have the right to his number.
DeletePoster she is not a good friend, just cut her off abegi since you have told her and she can not reason with youand please next time you have a man, don't let them exchange contact with any of your friends.
You are the most reasonable comment here! My useless friend was chatting with my hubby, asking how his day went, yen yen yen, hope u treat my friend well, hope she cooks for u, and the yeye man was feeling fly and loving the attention until it caused trouble in our home and the idiot girl still had the guts to keep malice with me!! When I was the one who introduced both of them? I totally cut her off. Some girls are are not loyal. Low key ho's
Delete@Africa baby....hmmm my big sis is like this I dnt kno y!
DeleteI figure if I was to divorce my hubby, she will go behind n still do things with him...shes done it once.
@ Africa Baby, your Mama born you well!
DeleteWomen learn from this comment.
I don’t know about others but if something I’m about to do or will do will “hurt” my friend then I won’t do it. What does she stand to lose if she doesn’t go? However, since you mention you don’t care about your ex or what he does and you have also told your friend how and why you feel she shouldn’t go then let her be.
ReplyDeleteIf she decides to still honor the invitation then you know she doesn’t care about your feelings.
I ordinarily don’t befriend my friend’s partners to the point of keeping in touch during or after their relationship so I have never been in this type of situation but personally my friends “enemy” is mine too. I will tie my gele and fight their fight well but some people don’t care, they will call up your partner more times than you and be giving you situation report.
Chop knuckle babe. You are the kind of friend every girl or woman should have. Bless your heart.
DeleteYou cant fight other people's war...She is not hitting on the man unless that but the poster did not tell us..Lets stop being sentimental abeg..
DeleteI think you are one of the few that gets it. If you know something will hurt your friend , why put yourself in that situation ? If she was my friend, me and that her ex are no longer chummy. Hi hi
DeleteHappy new year, Merry Christmas.
When my friend has healed and is in a better place , n theres still room to be friends. Yes . But not when my friend specifically tells me she feels uncomfortable. I would definitely not want to be friends with some of the people on here from the comments. You don't understand loyalty. Or friendship. or sacrifices. Having ones back.
Zero. Sigj
Thanks doppelganger and anonymous 15:43.well said
DeleteJejely remove yourself from that equation, she alone knows what's going on , if she wanna be friends with your ex, let her be, n u minimise contact with her, or blank her out if u ain't comfy with her remaining friends with benefit with your ex..
ReplyDeleteThis person is a very very selfish and callous individual.so your friend should carry your war with your ex on her head ?youre either still very much in love with your ex or just a bitter soul.you have no right to tell your friend what and what not to do.
ReplyDeleteThis anon 15:13 ure a witch. Sorry for your friends if you have any coz u don't know loyalty
DeleteShe didn't say carry war on her head, just minimize the contact. Me one it's over between my friend and her boyfriend or partner, it's also over for me her her partner, that doesn't mean if we ran into each other we don't say hi. We say hi , Long time. How is life and we pass full stop. Anyways like bed said, I don't befriend my friends spouse like that. I visit, we sit together with him, chat and laugh but it ends there. Don't call him up for anything. I need something hi ring I know he can do I call his wife and beg him to ask for me.two boyfriend has complained about me to my friend that once she is not around, I switch off on them, she laughed and told them that's how I am. Anyways, one is her husband now and each time I called my friend to chat cos I live thousands of mile away now, he will snatch the phone from her and chat with me two. He told his wife he is also my friend cos he usually take out when he was a boyfriend .Life is easy.when Funke said my friend don't call my husband if you're not asking about me, am your friend not him.some of you were hissing but she is right.
DeleteAnon 15:13 can you hear yourself? Why i don't blame you. I blame the people that allow you exchange contacts with their spouse. people like you are the ones that will go to facebook and even be searching for him to add him as a friend just because you couldn't get his contact. I reject friends like you.
DeleteGod bless you Anon 16:23, Anon 17:10 and Anon 17:26. It is not that hard. Why will my friend introduce her man to me and then we will exchange numbers? For what? If i need anything from information from their men, i go through my friend. What if she didn't introduce us, will i kill her? No i won't.
DeleteLet her be if she refuse to adhere. Just know how to handle her with sense.
ReplyDeletePoster, I understand you expect your friend to be loyal to you, are there really such friends these days?
ReplyDeleteI don’t expect her to still be all that close to your ex husband, but people are different. You can’t stop her from being friends or work with them.
A LOYAL friend shouldn’t be told what to do.
Why are you bothered about them talking about you? What do you care?
Let them be, they can say whatever they want to, don’t pay attention.
If you don’t feel comfortable with her, withdraw from her.
Slutty chic there are still loyal friends like that oh. Example is me lol
DeleteUhhhh, sis..This is not breaking girl code, i know you are looking out for you but you are also trying to halt your friend from doing what she loves.
ReplyDeleteIt ain't like she's after yo ex cos that's where girl code talk applies. Let's not be that person that screams GIRL CODE only when it benefits us.
Humans by nature a very self serving so don't put your friend in a situation where it's choosing your friendship over what would benefit her. Allow her to fuck up first, at least. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Do you live abroad cos you’re IQ and diction is noticeably better than that of a lot of commenters on this blog..you have sense
DeleteThank u.
DeleteBelieve me it hard too on her part, this something she has been doing for years and maybe get paid by it, so believe me to let go contracts no be beans, so give her sometime.. If she is still very adamant, for you not to hurt yourself more, cos that shit is painful in a way, seeing your friend still close to your ex knowing they knew themselves through you. Just cut her off and stay on your lane
ReplyDeleteThank you Stella, bia poster what are you saying again? If she can't be loyal ,trash her outside your life. You wan kill am ni? Kini big deal? If they talk about you that is their f***ing business. You need to move ahead & stop giving a thought about what those ex people (husband,friends etc)say about you.
ReplyDeleteYour friend has not broken any of the girls'code.
ReplyDeleteAccording to you, she has been working on different projects with your husband (now your ex husband) and I want to believe she's being paid for her job and not for being friends with your ex.
Please, don't cut your friend off because she's doing something legal to put food on her table.
Thank you...I will cut off myself from this poster cause she is just sulking for nothing..
DeleteMy exact sentiment, Ms.A.
DeleteThe way you put it made sense, but this friends should have begged her friend that its just work, that she is trying to survive not go off off as if the poster don't have a case.
DeleteBeg ke? Why exactly should she do that, is she paying her?? You lots are not thinking straight! Do you know the connections she might have gotten thru him, when it comes to events you'd surely meet other high class people especially as the coordinator. This poster here is actually just being selfish and for someone that doesn't care about the ex you sound really bothered and agitated too. It's not that she'll be sharing a room with the man or going after him for pleasure..aunty it's work oo work that'll she'll still get paid for!!! She didn't break any girl code not even close, get busy with your life so you won't be bothered about what your ex is up to. If you cant deal then cut her off too and move on!
DeleteYou are just a monitoring spirit. You don't have anything with your ex and you are still monitoring what goes on. Allow your friend be. You want her to.be my friends enemies is my enemies too mba ooo, it doesn't work like that.
ReplyDeleteYou are in the abroad and be monitoring? You be witch? Na question oo
Dont mind her...Willi willi mointoring spirit..
DeleteAunty rest nu, you have given your opinion allow others give theirs. Ogini di?
DeleteYou are afraid she will fok your ex and spill all your past runs. Tell us the truth.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think you have the right to tell a friend what and what not to do? What are you afraid of?
ReplyDeleteLeave your friend alone and let her use her own discretion instead of you thinking you can decide for her.
She's not you and you can't tell her how to do things, if you're not cool with her, cut her off.
You're both friends, you're not get boss or her superior.
Face your life and stop been a monitoring spirit.
Actually this girl left her husband to follow an abroad guy
ReplyDeleteHunger can sha damage the reasoning of some folks
DeleteWhats this abroad guy abroad guy thing abeg?
Oshe Airport Minister.. 🙌🙌🙌
DeleteCommissioner to the Minister on Aviation Matters..
Grand Ambassador to Airplane Management..🙌🙌
I stan
@Olawealth has killed me eeehh 🙆♀️🤣 Oh my Godt!
DeleteOla 🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteSee the way you Confidently talk trash. You think everyone is like you that looks for abroad men to help your poverty stricken life?
DeleteI understand where you are coming from. I have friends that are basically my blood and if i don't F$@k with someone no more . I automatically expect them not f$&k wit them as well. Especially if that person did me wrong.
ReplyDeleteSo i understand where you are coming from. But you cant dictate friendships that have formed when everything was rosy. If you are that uncomfortable with it (which there is nothing wrong with you feeling that way)
Give your friend the distance. If she cherishes friendship with your ex more. Then let her go.
If i were in your shoes thats what id do.
You don't want to be stressing over what they are doing or saying. Cut them off . Life is too previous to be giving yourself headache.
When your friend realizes you are MIA, she would either reach out and know that shes either white or black.
No gray areas
Until you are comfortable enough where she can hang with your ex without you being in your feelings.
Thats what friendship is all about, ignore other people saying for you to deal with it.
Thats when you know the kind of friends they keep.
A friend should be loyal and be able to have your back and support. Not trying to stay in the middle. She is either left or right. White or black. No grey or middle areas here
Yimu!!
DeleteFourple yimmu
DeleteGod bless you Anon15:39.It is today i will know bvs that can be loyal friends in real life. Through their comments, you can know them.
DeleteAnonymous 17:33
DeleteThank you. And its mostly women too. Hahaha .
You can tell that friendships mean nothing to some people. They still don't get it .
Sigh!
God bless you @15:39 majority of people dont understand what friendship really entails. Personally, if someone comes to tell me rubbish about my friend or try to gossip my friend with me, you're a goner!!! The fight I will pick up with you ehn... you will wonder if it's more than gossip. You dont mess with people I am loyal to. Idc what you think of them but ensure I dont hear it cos that's the day you will have an issue with me.
DeleteNot to talk about you divorcing my friend and thinking I will be your friend. Ya mad! If you call me for the job I will politely refer you to someone else and tell that person to give me commission. We aren't enemies but we cant be close friends. Period.
Are you surprised at the responses? Some virtues like loyalty and integrity are not very highly rated in Nigeria. Thats why cheating and all sorts of fraud abound. You can't give what you don't have.
DeleteIf she was a true friend, even if it will put food on her table and make you feel bad, she would abort the plans and stand by her friend. If she eventually attend the program, cut her off and move on, what on earth would they discuss about you that hasn't been talked about anyways? You are better off with the back stabbing frenemy biko.
ReplyDeleteBecos na her friend dey feed her abi?
DeleteIn this Buhari time, somebody should leave a job? She is not going to sleep with the guy, she has been doing this for long. Even exes run business together when they have remarried. You all need to have open minds pls.
DeleteWhy were your friend and your ex so close in the first place? Who does that? Let your friend be your friend and let your spouse’s friend be his/her friend!
ReplyDeleteAll these can your friends meet my friends so that we can all be friends, this is what it use to cause!
Madam poster they are friends oh, you cant force her not to go! And by the way, why do you care so much? Your dont trust her with your ex? Or you are secretly still in love with him?
I’m sure they already talk about you, its not until they arrive at that program that they will just start talking about you
Let it go and move on with your life please
Asin ehn.. I didn't even want to waste my time on this post until I saw your comments. I am not close to any of my friends wives or girlfriend. The ones I have their number is don't call them. Even happy new year messages sef, I no send. You gave people the chance to be close instead of setting boundaries, now you want to set them apart because you're what??
DeleteThen later when you and this your ex gets back together or being cool where would this friend be then.. mtcheew.. just carry this nonsense out of my front before I vex.
Dante
Anon 16:29 Thank you. The poster already made the mistake by even letting her husband and her friend close. Well i am glad this one has taught her a lesson. Ladies your man has no business being friends with your friend. Let everyone respect themselves
DeletePoster i understand your exectations from your friend, i also expect my friends to be loyal to me.
ReplyDeleteFirst, that your friend didn't hide it from you that your ex has offered her that contract. She was open and told you all about the trip and you are aware when the event will take place
secondly, you told us she will be getting married soon, don't you think she need money to prepare for her wedding? allow her to take the contract but if you can pay her what your ex will pay her offer her that and see if she will accept what your ex is offering her then you will know she is not your friend.
third,you don't need to worry your head over what they will discuss during the event, let them say whatever they like thank God you are now in the aborad who cares what your ex think about you. If your friend comes back from that event you need to watch her closely you could get idea of what is happening or what they discussed during the even i.e if you are interested in it.
lastly, you need to move on from your past, do not make people to start keeping malice with your ex cos you both are not together. I will advise you to put a distance between you and that your gf who knows she could be saying something to your ex to get favour. Deletel her or be friends from afar that way your new secret will be kept without your ex finding out. Come on have you tot of your ex may be doing this just to get back at you, do not allow them win you. Act like a strong person, but use your head to keep friendship with her.
So if you ex was your friend's boss, you'll tell her to resign and beg you for her daily bread? Did you offer to pay her double of the said amount going forward.
ReplyDeleteIf she was sleeping with him, I'll understand but she's not, she's working for her money, you trust her right, give her the benefit of the doubt, you love your husband and you've bad mouthed him, you feeling guilty, dont use your friend as a pun.
E se pupo!!
DeleteHer ex husband is not her friend's boss. The difference is clear. Well i blame poster for not setting boundaries right from time. This is the result
Delete@18:49 Gbam! Disadvantages of not setting boundaries early
DeletePoster are being Childish.... Even Siblings talk to their sister or brothers' Ex. So what is your problem? Please grow up and live your life and let your friend live hers. She owns you nothing. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteExactly grow up poster...
DeleteWhat is your problem? Why are you menstruating under this post? We already know people like you will fuck your sisters husband, we get it. Now swerve
DeleteCut that bitch off. It's not by force to have friends. If you have to explain and rant like this then you and the girl are not on the same page.
ReplyDeleteCan two work together except they agree? The answer is NO.
Bestfriends should share the same ideaology, at least basic ideology like how to deal and relate with ones spouse or ex's.
My bestfriend knows the drill. Sometimes I dont even need to talk and she gets it. We are on the same frequency and if I dont get that vibe, then she is off too.
I once had one that went behind my back and was emailing a guy that was asking me out. The guy told me straight up and I told him to fuck her. For months she thought I didn't know. I decided to put her out of her misery and told her that my friend said you was emailing him the other day. Bitch was shook. Lol.
Of course I used work to distance myself from her.
Friends are dangerous, protect yourself and your energy. Me, I came to this world alone if you f up I push you out of my circle. Periodt.
You are right about bestfriends sharing the same ideology. My bestfriend and i are just like that. In today's world, it is hard to see such good friends. Most friends are just only after themselves, Loyalty mean nothing to them
DeleteExactly! If she needs to explain so much to her 'best friend' then they probably dont have the same values. The girl was only being her friend for other reasons. @poster if you sit down and reflect, you may realise you have been the fool in this friendship, all along. Shes been benefiting from you and now feels you're of no use to her again since you're no longer married (and she's about to) and you are out of her operational location. Lol.
Delete'I have friends that have ex husbands, as soon as the relationship is over, I cut off all communication with their ex. That's the girl code.' -Poster go and sleep, am sure this your friend encouraged you to leave your husband. She will end up married to your ex am sure you still feelings for. Please cut her off, mingle more with your association of ex wives. Are you sending her money to compensate for the loss in income if she agrees to stay back? Will the girl code put food her table. Some women will never have sense.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were seperated for a while and I av dis close friend of mine who was still communicating and gisting with my hubby and I got to know wen hubby and I were reconciling bcos he told me. I didn't believe so I said he should call her and put d phone in speaker which he did so he started talking d n dis my friend started saying bad things about me and telling hubby dt she is very glad dt we r seperated after dt I spoke and she was shocked to hear my voice and cut d call. Today we r no more friends although I av forgiven her. My marriage is stronger than before and it's been 17 years since I've known my hubby now.tgat said your friend might not cut off all communication with him but she shouldn't av gone to the program at all.
ReplyDeleteWonderful!!!
DeleteCut her off - I don’t know why it is difficult for people to think they can’t do without people. I have a friend who I sent a Kate Spade bag once when she asked ..I didn’t ask for any gift from her but she called me up to say she wanted to send me a present..I asked what it was but she told me not to worry. When I opened the content of the package,I was more than shocked.. a low quality jumpsuit (L) for this slim me and some hand washes and hand lotion. In this America what am I supposed to use those for? From someone else, I wouldn’t mind but this is a girl that when I went to Nigeria and was making Ankara outfits for I knew the kind of headache she gave me for each one of them. She wanted perfection to every inch. I did all and she even accused me that I was 419 who did not want to send her things as I had been in the country for way longer than I claimed. Abeg friendship is not by force- everybody can face front.
ReplyDeleteEyaaaah maybe that is what she could afford now.
DeleteLmao. As I dey so, them no born anybody wey no be my sister to send me on errand. If I do for you, I do because I can and want to. Gone are those bloody days! Cos human being are insatiable. You keep doing, they keep complaining. But the ones who dont do for them, the day those ones do 1% you see them being so grateful.
DeleteSo you want your friend to inherit your enemies? Wow. Sebi this said friend is getting married to someone else and not your ex? Anyway what do I know, my female friends are minimal and even friends in general are few, I can be a recluse when necessary.
ReplyDeletePoster drop that friend of yours like a bag of chips.Her friend should have told the ex husband that she's busy .All of you shouting money and business.money is not everything in life.the ex husband gave that lady that offer to rub it on posters face.but long throat will not let her friend .just like many of you here.Her friend can be hi friend to the ex when ever the see on the way.Thank God she's getting married too.i pray somebody close to her do same to her.what if the break up was a bitter one and your best friend still want a plate of rice from maybe a man that humiliated you friend shame on all of you saying poster is wrong.may God bless Una with same situation like poster and let your close friend and family dine with your enemies because of money.No way the won't talk of poster.too face bvs
ReplyDeleteIf we have the same enemy then we must be friends! Naija problem!
ReplyDeleteThe school of thought of some of us ehn.... this is why many relationships dont last and people dont do good. This is why we all shouting 'no real friends' but some of us are the worst of friends to our real friends. I cant believe anyone will fault this posters concern. Very irking!!
ReplyDeleteIt is NOT a case of inheriting enemies. It is a case of respecting boundaries and putting yourself in another person's shoes. Even if it is business, if you dont do this particular business will you die? This is what my pastor means when he says some of us have made men our source and not God. If a friend that's like a sister is uncomfortable with your relationship with her EX HUSBAND, please STAY AWAY from him. It is simple relationship ethics and a no-brainer. Its behaviour like this that makes people not bring others close, give help to people. Some people are damn ungrateful and callous.
@poster she met the guy through you and should respect herself enough to stay away if that relationship is toxic to you. But see ehn... leave that your friend. Just forget her like a bad habit. I know it's hard to forget someone you're close to but you will be fine. You're in a new environment now and will meet new people. Give it some time, such friendship on faulty foundations dont last long. When hell freezes over she will be looking for you and by then you will be too faraway. No be this planet earth we dey? And next time, dont bother bringing friends to your spouse for any reason. If your spouse wants to do business with someone, look for a regular church member or someone you have platonic relations with and introduce. Introduce your friends to people who are not very close to you too so when they make a mess it will be theirs not yours. Someone who knows you from a distance would understand that help from a stranger shouldn't be messed with and because they respect you from a distance if you say 'enough' they would hear you loud and clear. People closest to you would hardly respect your feelings and opinions, especially if they're not family. Its just life 🤷🏽♀️
Very simple oh but it is hard to some people. Why will my friend introduce me to her man and then i will collect his contact and start forming useless business partner with him. Even if they ask for my contact,i don't give. I like to respect myself abegi. Alot of people don't know the meaning of loyalty.
DeleteThank you Chikito. I'm not surprised though. Loyalty and integrity are two virtues that are rare amongst us. No wonder the Nigerian society is what it is. It's sad, really.
DeleteI tire o. The same people will still come out and say "there are no real friends". Anyone who sees nothing wrong in what the friend is doing has shown that they cannot be true friends too.
DeleteYou're not selfish dear. That's the girl code and she has broken it. Follow Stella's advice. Don't be surprised that she must have been instrumental to your separation from your husband. I've been there and back. Right now I don't have a single friend. If you can't play their game( being selfish and street smart), girl friendship is not for you.
ReplyDeleteI agree @19:45 Honestly, selfish and street smartness. Poster If you're not any of those two, maybe you shouldn't bother and just face your life.
DeleteAnon and chikito you are both right if you can't ply their game you can be their friends.
DeleteI have learned now, before I would always complain that all my friends use me, all my friends aren't loyal, very selfish take take take but never give. Chikito when you complain about how you treat your friend I always relate but tired of typing. But that statement up there but being street smart and selfish is the right way to go.
If my friend was fighting with someone I will carry the matter on my head that before I know it this same yeye friend has reconciled with the person while I was still keeping malice🤦♀️. When they come to complain bout someone treating them bad I will be on their behalf that when it was my turn they will be trying to see things from the persons angle. I will give them expensive gifts but give me ordinary pen it's was an issue. I always complained about not having friend. After all people always say,"if you want a friend be a friend". Then I got rid of everyone sat down and spoke to myself. Thought back to the way those girls acted, their reasoning, fairness.
Then it dawned on me I have been playing the iiendhip thing the wrong way.
I rebranded and started making friends, I became smart and only give what I get. I don't bother myself about making their enemies mine. I no longer over extend myself or go it of my way to help like I did once for a fake friend. I left everything I was doing to answer her last minute call when she went through some emotional problems, took care of her just to make her happy, but when my turn came she she told me sorry from the left side of her mouth and picked up her phone to start gossiping.
I have a lot of Besties now🤣🤣. Women supporting women, girls squad😁. If you have a soft heart you will get the end of the stick.
If you can't play their games you can't be their friend**
Delete03:29 you can say that again! It's so quick for them to ask you for favours but cant do one good thing in return.. you buy them expensive gifts, when its y turn they remember budget. You will even realise that those friends that treat them like options are the ones they 'fear' most. You that is preserving friendship is the person they want to use and shine at any opportunity.
DeleteMy dear, friendship is give and take oh. Me too I learnt in my very old age. I can't die-put for anyone. If I write my epistle here on friendship you will laugh and roll-over. Someone will tell me their secret I will take it to the grave. Let me tell them my own wey no even reach, they be blowing it like balloon 😂🤣 meanwhile their own is worse than mine. Its like they're so happy to hear that I finally have a 'small' problem 🤷🏽♀️ if this poster's friend marries a man who can help the poster with anything, best believe she wont even ask him to drop her a pin. Now she wants to mark territory here. "Yen yen yen... youre being selfish" manipulative warthog using her friend's empathy against her. This is a marriage that didnt produce a child for 7 yrs, do you know the level of insult poster has chopped from hubby and inlaws and how it's probably affected her self esteem? Friendship ko, friendship in!
This is 19:45. In my own case, it wasn't even friends only. Same with family. My own mother(I hate to call her mum these days), siblings and aunties used me as well and broke the girl code a million times over. Now that I've wisened' up, I've become their communal enemy, Lol! Bastards! But I don't care. It's their loss not mine.
DeleteThat attitude of playing into peoples hands, allowing them to use you, break your trust, not identifying and marking boundaries, expecting too much from them and most importantly, feeling entitled to anybody at all, expecting them to be rational,sane and selfless...in fact having any expectation from anybody at all, balls down from not having enough self esteem in the first place. Once I started to value myself more, people started to use me less cos I didn't allow it.
I still can't play their selfish game though so I'm all alone now (and loving it). I live for selflessness and nothing can change it. Nothing makes me more fulfilled.
But I'm wiser now and street smart enough to keep 'parasites' at bay. Now it's all about who is deserving and for how long? And guess who that is?! I see her every time I look in the mirror. Me. I'm gonna love me forever and treat myself the way I would love to be treated by others. Even if it means being 'selfish'.
I once saw a video on NatGeo wild, "Survival of the fittest". My brain was reset since that day. We're all animals in the animal kingdom and it's all about surviving.
Poster you are not over reacting... you don't need anyone to tell you to cut that your friend off. Let her be friends with your ex if she wants but be done with her already. Friends of these days seem to have a problem with loyalty and boundaries.
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