STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
INSECURE WIFE
Hi Stella,I have a problem and hope the family helps me in this.
Hi Stella,I have a problem and hope the family helps me in this.
I have been married for like 1yr now with a man i have dated for like 6years but distance relationship.
My problem is i have trust issues, when we were dating, i was just enjoying the relationship, we go out,enjoy ourselves but we don't keep late nights until we got married and my husband keeps late nights,if we go out together,he will be in a hast to go home but if he goes out alone,he is not bothered to come home that sometimes he will lodge in hotel saying he is drunk and he can't drive which i understand but doing it almost all the time is what i don't understand.
I have talked to him in bedroom voice,shouted,complained to his parents, to my own parents, quarreled with him,fight with him still he believes nothing is wrong with it so i started accusing him of cheating or in occult kingdom. i snooped to know the kind of person i am married to ,i discovered he cheated when we were preparing to get married ...
he confessed that it was when i cancelled our wedding he got drunk and slept with one girl and i cancelled the wedding because of this issue which he promised to stop and begged me to forgive him.
My issue now is i have accepted him like that for peace to regn in my home but i always think he is cheating,i dont go to his phone again blc i believe he doesn't cheat now but i still don't trust him, i think i have a problem, maybe I'm insecure..
Please how does one cure insecurity in one self ,any hospital please direct me ,i want to enjoy my marriage and forget about whether one is cheating on me or not, My husband really loves me but this is causing issues on our marriage because out of frustration i do argue with him all the time,i have had 2 misscarrage now and i think is blc am not happy .
please i get angry easily and i want to stop too.
How do people enjoy marriage, our courtship was very sweet but our marriage is not that sweet ,always quarreling that i regret getting married, i need help ASAP i am loosing it
How do people enjoy marriage, our courtship was very sweet but our marriage is not that sweet ,always quarreling that i regret getting married, i need help ASAP i am loosing it
*I really dont know how to cure insecurity cos i have never had it.....let us read advice from others..
Such a nagging wife.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is not allowed to have fun cos he married you?
Why don’t you find your own ways to have fun? Sometimes do that separately.
Marriage is not prison.
You get angry easily and insult him, call him all sorts of despicable names. You even accused him of being in a cult 😂😂
Madam, stop giving your self headache and learn to be happy irrespective of what he does. You owe yourself that. You lost 2 pregnancies cos of this, was it worth it?
Women should learn to live for themselves, married or not.
You both can go for counseling, that should help.
What are you even saying????? Accept her husband sleeping out rather than coming home? Shuuuuoooo....Women, we need to love ourselves... I swearrrrrr.
DeleteWhat responsible man sleep outside on a daily basis on the excuse of being too drunk to drive, what happened to drinking responsibly? He is either cheating or in a cult like the poster suspects.
DeleteWhat responsible man sleep outside on a daily basis on the excuse of being too drunk to drive, what happened to drinking responsibly? He is either cheating or in a cult like the poster suspects.
DeletePoster please don't mind Slutty chick for she know s not what she is saying.
Delete1. Did you say he loves you, yet you have complained and reported and sad yet he did not attempt to change. You are deceiving yourself.
2. Do you really want that kind of marriage where it does not matter if he cheats or not? Start ordering you hiv antiretroviral drugs already.
3. There are women who are built with the capacity to ignore such irresponsibility in their men but you are clearly not. You 've post 2 pregnancies cos of it yet you are here chanting he loves you.
4. Just in less than one year you have already called many family meeting on a matter? See you, see high bp.
NB: you don't have trust issues. He is untrustworthy. From what you wrote up there, he does not give a hoot wether you trust him or not. In his mind, he has married you and you must accept any crap he dishes out because of course, he knows you must do all within your power to stay married.
This kind of man, if you find your own "fun" now he will so kick against it. Because it's his ability to keep you running from pillar to post on his account that defines him as tha MAN.
USE YOUR TONGUE TO COUNT YOUR TEETH.
Slutty dear,are u married? I'm sure u are not that's why u talk like this. Marriage is an institution where two people are supposed to become one.
DeleteThere are also certain responsibilities that come with it. Now what kind of fun is a man having without his wife to d extent of sleeping out regularly?
That's too far please and not right at all.
Poster I'm sorry about d pregnancies u lost but sometimes God knows best cos it's not easy being pregnant with an unavailable husband.
That being said I suggest you wake him up in d middle of d night and tell him that u are tired and cannot take it anymore.
Ask him if this is how he wants d rest of his life to be. Tell him u keep having miscarriages because u are not happy and when he married u he didn't tell u this is how he'll be behaving.
Also about d insecurity, sweetheart it is only normal. You are human for crying out loud don't let anyone put d blame of another's misbehavior on u.
So plz just take life one day at a time also your aim should be to please God and not your husband.
The world did not give u life so plz don't let any man take away your joy and happiness in life.
You are strong and u'll pull through. My prayers are with u darl.
Slutty,your first 2 statements are absolutely wrong.
DeleteHow can I wife be happy that her husband sleeps out all the time. Ha! Please let's not support a bad thing.will you have said these if it was the woman sleeping out all in the name of being too drunk to drive home? May you not marry an irresponsible man.
She may need to change her approach to the situation but we cannot blame her for reacting.
Haba slutty! She is not over reacting now, she has every reason to complain. If it was a one off thing or even once in a while, that would be understandable but to be sleeping out regularly under the guise of being drunk, that's a NO NO!
DeleteNot forgetting that the cheating that occurred before the marriage was according to the man, as a result of the same drunkenness.
Poster, please Snoop as much as you can because, this can be anything. From cheating to cultism, to weird fetishes or even criminal involvement. Because, I have heard many cases women married to hardened criminals without knowing it until they're caught!
Please be very careful and vigilant, if possible have him tailed.
Slutty are you ok? When u get married, allow your husband to get drunk and sleep outside in the hotel Just because you are woke
DeleteJust read comments and alot of people are saying the poster should focus on herself or other things and leave the man alone. sometimes I can't wrap my head around this things why married in the first place if it all about focusing on oneself after marriage, if she had kids she would have been told to focus on the kids and tomorrow we complained about controlling mother in laws, why wouldn't she be in her son's or children lives when that is what she has been used to all her life.
Deleteone will married a man for companionship but at the end of the day, it all about minding oneself and children, the so-called husband is no where to be found. Until we woman hold these men accountable for their useless actions and selfishness we will continue to run in circles.
See what @Sluttychic wrote, a woman writing that why wouldn't married men continue to live like singles.
saphire omg your head is full...too much brain in one head..chaiii. I just love you
DeletePoster, read everything Sapphire wrote up there 👆 👆 👆 over and over because that is THE TRUTH.
DeletePoster your only way out of this madness is to either leave him or go blind to his madness.
DeleteFind yourself a soul sister that helps you balance out your emotions. I didn't say fuck her o.
Just someone you can love and talk to when you feel alone and he is out there misbehaving. By the time he's even at the door, you will be praying for him to take off again so your phone jist with your sis that understands you deep can continue.
Once he starts seeing you don't send anymore; he will get worried and start wanting to adjust.
If he adjusts; NEVER you throw away your soul sister for him o because he will strike back when you ease in with him again and start complaining.
It is well.
Marriage na work.
Also gather energy and improve yourself for YOU! It is how you naija women treat marriage like trophy that makes your men behave this stupidly!!!
All the best
My dear, you are not insecure neither do you have problems.
DeleteIt is totally wrong for your husband to regularly keep late nights and worse still drink to a point where he gets drunk such that he is wasted and can't drive and sleeps out.
There is a problem and do not let it slide. You are going to raise kids in this sort of irresponsible environment? You see whether we like it or not, the monent you get married a lot changes. I have 1001 things I was doing and I enjoy doing as a single lady but no longer do as a married woman.
That is why marriages are packing up, people want to enjoy both worlds (single and married) but it does not work that way.
You have to be prepared to give up some habits and vices.
If he loves you as he claims let him tone down and never sleep out again except for say work related issues.
How about the problems too much alcohol can cause? That seems not to be an issue.Is it kidney or liver problem? Can he not control his drinking and hang out once a week? Your husband needs to get his acts together and you guys need to talk about this.
Once a baby comes now, he will be going out more. This is the time to enjoy each others company. He can drink in the house, make peppersoup, peppered snail or croaker and watch movies in the house.
Poster,leave him and engagei. What will make you happy.If you contuconlike this,na HBP.. With time ,He will get tired .Pray for a child . Shalom.
ReplyDeleteMadam your husband is not ready to make that marriage work.
ReplyDeleteTruth is you wont enjoy that marriage if he doesn't reduce the late nights.
Inukwa, one year marriage.
Maybe you should ve trusted your guts and left him with his issues.
It's ok to go out and all,but doing it constantly it's somehow.
ReplyDeletePersonally i'd just focus on me,my job or business
Just make a conscious effort to not let his waka waka disturb you
But what is he looking for outside!
What do i know sef
Assssiiinnn...u are okay with him sleeping outside most of the time as a result of drunkenness????? Women what won't I hear. What happened to him controlling his drinking and not reaching the point of drunkenness. He is either cheating or it is the height of irresponsibility. Girl, stay woke in that marriage. And to think you are now blaming urself for being insecure. I have been married for 17 years and trust me when I say our instincts are always right.
ReplyDeleteDon't put yourself at the receiving end in your marriage dear. If you accommodate this now than you will accommodate so many other excesses and ur being unhappy will be long lasting. Deal with the issue now rather than shove it.
Anon 15.21 said it all.
DeletePoster stop accepting that silly and cheap excuse of being too drunk to drive.
Men!!!
Poster all I can say is if you don't have a job, get one or start a business.
DeleteStop nagging, stop reporting. Learn to ignore him and get your peace of mind back.
That’s what desperation does to you.
DeleteSome women believe they can change their men after marriage. How? Do people really change?
Some are good at pretending just to get you to marry them. Then, they begin to show their true colors, you are stuck.
She’s even ready to accept the man that way, wether he cheats or not, so long he loves her. Pathetic.
Poster, if you're looking for some realistic advise you on how to close your eyes to his behaviour and find your "inner peace", you wouldn't. As this anon 15:21 above who has been married for over 10 years has advised: it is an impossible feat and it may not get better. Please take some form of action now.
DeleteSlutty, please what's your take on this issue? Because I can't seem to understand you and I cannot relate this your comment with the one up there.
DeleteAre you speaking from both sides of your mouth?
My story is a bit similar to yours. Though my husband still get small conscience, when I talk he will adjust small, and go back.
DeleteI have stopped sex with him, I watch porn and masturbate. Will get my dildo soon.
Small girl like me, I can't kill myself
Mama mia, exactly she is talking trash, obviously miserably single. I wonder what wife will throw a party that her husband constantly sleeps outside with the excuse of being drunk.
DeleteLmao @anon 8:59, from that thing you wrote up there, it shows how miserable and frustrated you are....horny angry frustrated damaged woman.
DeleteThe only way out for you is to calm down, be at peace with yourself and change your mindset. See the way you're hurting yourself now when you know truly that your husband love you.
ReplyDeleteI think you should leave him alone or go out with him more.
You can't love someone and see then being hurt. lets call a spade a spade. Poster better do something. if it means you packing out for awhile do it, let's see if your husband brain will reset
DeleteLook for a way to start having fun too. Go out more, arrange a photoshoot alone and in a location he doesn't know. Drive yourself to the movies alone. Let people see you and tell him I saw your wife looking fine at the cinema the other day. If you don't work, look for one or learn a skill. This stress is adding to your miscarriage issues.
ReplyDeletePersonally I think that there's more to his behaviour. I will not specify because I don't want you to panic.
Your husband is a very selfish man, if I hear you say he loves you I will give you knock on your head. If a man loves you he will do everything possible to keep you happy. Your husband is busy browsing other web site while you are here making him look holy. Since you saw the sign from beginning but never addressed it, stand by it, you fell for that man that he will change, God will help you.
ReplyDeleteGet your self busy, you are lonely is why you are acting up, look for what makes you happy and it always. Make friends, go out often,stp nagging, control your anger. Read this book anger is a choice. Prayers is the key
Judge Judy. Someone said her husband loves her, you said he doesn't. What's your own, are you living with them or trying to poison her mind the more. Someone is looking for solution, you're here adding salt to her injury.
DeleteMost of you are going through worse in your house but come here to form team perfect.
@don 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteSo wait?!! You mean to tell me a married sleeps outside most times and his wife should not nag him about it? Your husband is disgusting and should be ashamed of himself. You can never have peace with a man like that. It is either you leave now or prepare for a life of insecurity. I would advise you to separate from him now that there is no child or better still start sleeping outside as well. Go out and sleep out when you are drunk come back the next morning and tell him exactly what he told you that you couldn't drive because you were drunk. Actually try that first and then if he raises fire and brimstone, tell him you would stop when he does, if not leave!
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Delete@15:56 e-hugs! 🤗💕 Best comment here.
DeletePoster, get a divorce. This is not a marriage.
My elder sister's husband tried this same trash.
I was a corper then but,
I advised her not to cast her pearls before swine and that she should leave that sham of a marriage.
The marriage was just 7 months old. They had not wedded because she had recently relocated to join him.
Long distance relationship or short courtship is not the best. One of the couple will hide flaws.
Security is in Christ. Follow his principles, discipline your flesh through fasting/prayer (there is a teaching on
ReplyDeletefasting in that fasting post earlier today) and meditation in
the teachings of Christ in the New Testament especially. MARRIAGE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THIS SHORT LIFE
that we live. I am enjoying mine in Christ and I will always say it here or anywhere.
NOw this man was this way before you married him which actually made you angry and at a point cancelled your wedding.
So you actually knew what you were walking into. It takes patience to deal with this situation and to work on yourself.
Again, you did not mention anything about having a child or being pregnant -yes in one year of marriage. Not having an expected
conception can tip ladies over the edge. First time pregnancy and "untamed emotions" (lacking the discipline mentioned above) can
also set a lady acting up. When you begin to discipline yourself, begin to talk to talk to the Lord Jesus in prayers in a quiet place
and you will see the change.
Oga adi mma -It will be alright.😊😊😊
ANG, this i must say is your best advice i have read. You spoke without casting down rather it was edifying to the spirit .
DeleteAlso, try and find a book or 2 on anger management. Your concerns are not totally invalid.
ReplyDeleteI am yet to be married but with what i have read from thriving couples,a lot bothers on the man out more often thereby resulting to suspicion of cheating and all.This poster isn't any different.While the women who have being victims to cheating husbands keeps dishing same advice of channelling ur focus to other kind of productive interest so one doesn't get drowned emotionally (easier said than done).How about the man making conscious effort to fix his home doesn't that happen?I worry for myself,i hope i can deal with the ugliness in marriage.
ReplyDeletesimple..this is a woman with self worth...
Deleteposter is truly a strong woman. One of these days try sleeping outside too. When you get back tell husband you were drunk and couldn't drive, lets see how your husband will react. I like the fact that you are worried about your husband behavior. What he is doing is very very wrong. I wonder why these men marry when they are not psychological ready
DeleteThank you 16.04. The woman should work on herself while her husband continues to be irresponsible? Only mistake I see here is you knew he was like that and yet married him. I feel for you so much.Even If you focus on other things, you will still be miserable, that man must do better.
DeleteAs innn....from d tone of her narrative,it's obvious she has been made to feel it's her fault. Men and manipulation Sha
ReplyDeleteThat's how I found out my husband brought a girl he later slept with to our matrimonial home when I travelled so I confronted him and he said it's cos he had d intention of making her a family friend but obviously I didn't want her as that.
I finished him that day,very stupid somebody if truly u wanted her as a family friend why bring her in my absence and not when I was around.
I was so pissed that day and told him to never in his life try to manipulate me.
Poster plz don't blame urself d society already blame us enough.
Just work on making u happy. Shikena
so what happened naaa
DeleteI'm sorry dear but that man DOES NOT love you.
ReplyDeleteA man who loves you would not repeatedly get on your nerves with his foolishness.
You've had 2 miscarriages within a year, that's enough to keep him home and close by more often, how does he expect you to be at peace and sleep well at night knowing he is probably not safe out there?
My husband gets home late from work mostly because of Lagos traffic and I usually can't bring myself to sleep till he gets home; even if it's almost midnight not to talk of not knowing his whereabout.
Your husband had better own his irresponsibility else you're in for a long, hard drive.
And, stop blaming yourself for his issues!.
You are not the problem, your husband is. He has not given you any reasons to trust him at all. What kind of married man consistently sleeps outside in the name of getting drunk? Why can't he have some of the drinks at home sometimes? Must he go out to drink all the time? What kind of responsible man, who knows he has a wife at home drinks to get drunk and cannot come back home? Your husband has something to hide.
ReplyDeletePoster you dont have insecurity problem, your husband is the one that's not trustworthy.
ReplyDeleteYou said this man loves you, but i doubt that. My reason is because, in less than 1 year you have already lost two pregnancies due to the fact that you are never happy and it is not ur fault that u are unhappy. Your partner is the architect of ur sadness, if he truly loves you he will adjust and look for a way to make you happy. You have discussed this issue with him a countless time yet to no avail.
He sleeps out and lodge in a hotel because he is drunk, which responsible man drinks himself to stupor...? He has a wife at home who will be obviously lonely at home all by herself and craves her husband's attention and he does not give a rat-ass how you feel.
It is either your husband is cheating or in some secret occult group like ur guts is telling you. Getting drunk once is in a while is not too bad, but when it becomes a habit then it is a cause to worry about. I pray he does not get u infected with some "std" incase he is sleeping about.
P.S stop the insecurity bruhaha coz you are not insecured, you are very much normal and only doing what you should do coz i might do worse myself.
..........Just thinking🤔🤔 Why dont u go FBI on him from afar just to have rest of mind. Get ur sister or brother to monitor him, from his drinking joint to the hotel he normally retires after the drinking and see if sth will come out of it.
E-hugs to u dear,i can't even imagine how u feel🤗
Poster stop complaining to relatives and friends. Maybe he sleeps in hotels to avoid your nagging. Pretend you are not bordered, in fact ignore him. If he is preparing to go out as usual, prepare and go out too. Have fun!. Stop crying and giving yourself hbp when its obvious he is enjoying himself out there. Pamper yourself. Sometimes when he goes out and its obvious he is not coming back that night, call him or send a message,ask if he is with his keys because you are out with some friends and won't be back until the next day. Be smiling while reading your chat messages or checking your phone especially when he is nearby, pretend you are talking with a mysterious friend and make sure you giggle!. Watch his reactions and ignore him..he will get jealous and start wondering if you are cheating too. When he is at home, dress sexy and tell him u want to go see a nameless friend..make sure you switch off your phone when you go out!. ( go to a friend or relative's house). When he can't take it anymore, he will call for a meeting if he truly loves you!
ReplyDeleteLmao sounds like something I would do without thinking twice.
DeletePoster live oh.. live life. It is too short.
Don’t take this advice from 16.54 you’ll loose your home faster than lightning. It rains everywhere. If you doubt try another man
DeleteIt rains everywhere , yeah..therefore she should sit down and be wallowing in self pity?. Poster please have fun, pamper yourself. You have begged, cried, complained yet he still sleeps in hotels..don't kill your self because of a randy husband..he will stop this useless habit as soon as you start ignoring him and making yourself happy.
Delete@17:58 lose which home? Can she call what she has now a home? She's destitute, abeg!
DeleteIt's only raining where you are.
Poster, get a divorce.
Wait for someone who truly loves and respects you.
Stay back, at your own peril - STD or High BP or both.
My dear take what I say to d bank, I speak from experience mine was cheating nd if you do not nip it in d bud now, he might graduate to weeks nd then months like mine did. Turned out he was always picking girls nd sleeping with them in hotels.
ReplyDeleteYou are insecure when you havnt had any reason to doubt but you do so madam,you feel this way because of the things that has happened,you need to find a way to let him know how much this hurts,who gets drunk ALL THE TIME and SLEEP IN AN HOTEL???oga needs to tone it down jare
ReplyDeletehahahahajajaajaj
ReplyDeleteYou get time. Find a cute guy and date NNE, no go kill yourself. No Time!
ReplyDelete