Hmmmm.......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
GOOD DEED ABOUT TO GO SOUTH
This particular one,was thrown out from their house,she has 4kids,she went to stay in their church,when I heard it,I felt bad,so I asked her to come stay with me and my kids since my hubby works outside the country and comes home every 6months,we stay in a 4bedroom bungalow.
My people my friend moved in a fortnight ago,but I think she's taking me for granted, she told me the mum said she has missed her grandkids last week and want to come see them,I said OK,the mum came with a bag filled with clothes,as if that wasn't enough,her sis in the university came too,so we happen to be gisting last night and she said,since my help will be entering university as I said,and she will be living in school,that thank God mama is here to be taking care of the kids when they resume by September, mind u my son is entering secondary school this September and he will be a boarding student, my first daughter is 9 while the last girl is 5,my people do I still need a babysitter? And I don't even work oo,I just do biz with my mum in her shop,I go whenever I wish to buy goods because she help me sell them.
I couldn't help it,I had to ask her,will mama stay till sept and she replied,she will be leaving by DEC so that I will save and buy her Xmas things. Note that I do the feeding alone,she doesn't contribute even to buy fuel for our gen,her hubby I'm very sure must be giving her money for their upkeep,as he's squatting with his elder sis and still working. My question now is,do these people not have any intention of getting another house? Do they really want to milk me dry because I'm nice? How do I tell her it won't work without bruising her ego and also spoiling our friendship.
God knows that I love to do good,but this one is about to choke me, when hubby called asking me how far with my friend and the house hunting,told him they are still on it he was like "babe I hope this ur friend hasn't come to take over the house oo". The husband came on Sunday, stayed till Tuesday that last week there was pub holiday.my people talk some sense into me abeg.
*Just tell her your hubby found out about her staying and is very upset and has asked that she leaves cos he is coming back in about three weeks.....Whether you dont want to bruise her ego or not,i dont see this ending well unless she leaves now......it doesnt look like they are house hunting and before you know it the hubby start staying longer days and eventually move in.....
Tell her your hubby has asked she leaves.
We should talk some sense into you too? Don’t people learn from other people’s mistakes again? And according to your write up, you read the other mr. Nice guy’s chronicle. You people will not ask questions before starting something but will run here after shooking neck, Stop taking us for granted na.
ReplyDeletePoster please look for one room or a self contained apartment for them... If she likes she can invite her whole village over... This type of people will never agree they have a kobo
DeleteYou called the problem unto yourself. These people were in church and you decided to take them from there. I wonder if you asked their plans before relocating them to your house or even discus how far are you willing to go with your help and other things that you would like in order to leave well as friends. Did you not earn at all from the Chronicle that was almost like yours?
DeleteThe mother should stay till December 2020 for all I care. In fact, I want your friend to take over the entire house a d her husband to join her. You read the other chronicle of Mr Nice guy and you're still here asking questions. Mtschewwww
DeleteLuke 6:29b...and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Poster ask yourself, in this situation, what would Jesus do and how would you like to be treated if you were in the same situation? Her mom staying till December is inexcusable as the mom obviously has a home but for your friend, think; what if it's your turn tomorrow? Never say never...
DeletePoster, I think you collaborated in what you are now facing with your friend. If you do not handle this issue with care it'll be on records that you brought her into your house to disgrace her. The truth is, she may not have planned to bring in her Mom and sister or even hubby, if she's still staying at her church, but because she sees your house more comfortable and convenient, she's bringing in her relatives.
Delete1. if you did not discuss with her on her plan to find a place of her own before you took her in, DO THAT NOW.
2. I do not think you gave her condition that NO ONE should come and stay with her for a while, so why is it an issue now? I do not agree that because she's in your house, her relatives cannot visit her, WHEN YOU DID NOT SPELL IT OUT FOR HER. I strongly advise you to sit her down and tell her how you feel because she may SINCERELY NOT KNOW. This is a VERY SENSITIVE TIME so be careful. If it comes to worse, assist them financially to get a mini-flat apartment after all, the cost of feeding ALL OF THEM for three months alone, may be almost their mini-flat rent. Friendship is better when they visit and go NOT WHEN THEY COME IN TO LIVE.
I said these above because if I were you, I would have spelt EVERYTHING out in the beginning.
I always use whatsApp chats to discuss such things so that I'd have a reference when need arises. It's very important to give people your terms when you want to bring them into your home because the days have changed and we must be wise and reasonable.
Again, sit your friend down and have a civil discussion about this. Assist them financially to get an apartment - that's the price you pay.
Its definitely not going to end well. She has taken you for granted that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteThere is no ego thing here. You must address this. The plan was not for her mother to stay till Dec. And is that what she told you when the mum was coming? It's just not right for her Mum to stay indefinitely till Dec. It means she has no plans to leave your house too. And just because you live in a 4 bedroom doesn't make her demands right.
Total nonsense from this friend of yours!!!
DeleteFor her to even say mama is leaving Dec, means she herself is not even leaving anytime soon.
Imagine the effrontery! Bringing your family member to live where you are squatting.
Some people will keep on making it hard for others to do good wholeheartedly.
Poster ndo
You have to come up with a plan real soon o
if you have some money give her to add to what she has and rent a room...or you can rent a room for them if you can afford it...that way they will leave without issues
DeleteI really dnt know y good peoples kindness are always taken for granted 😕
DeleteIf your friend can comfortably bring more people into your home to stay long term without helping out with any of the bills, then you don’t owe her any shame in being direct with what you think/feel and getting straight answers from them. If her mother is staying till December, when is she leaving? Tell her you weren’t expecting even her to stay till then let alone her mother. You don’t need to be coy o. She is the one to be careful around you but she’s not even bothered.
DeleteUgonna, giving the lady a roof over her head for even one night is enough. She doesn't owe her anything to go the extent of renting a room for her. She should stay with her mother who has a place before coming to join them or she should join her husband in his sister's
DeletePlace. It's not in her place to rent anything for them, as what nah!? Shebi they said he's working, they should save up money and get a place for themselves. Just imagine!!! You give people 'allow' and they'll take the allow and join 'allowance' to it smh.
Please dear poster, tell her your husband will be home soon and he's coming with a few of his relatives and siblings and they'll certainly need where to stay so she has to leave as soon as possible or kuku tell her you're traveling with the kids. Do before they take over your home biko
Stella some will wait for the man to return. BEcause they will think she is lying.
ReplyDeleteCall your mom to come over or an aunt you know can do pepper body to send them out.
What nonsense;some people's brain are buried with their placenta.
It's all these her ungrateful character that is why she is where she is,how can her mom come and spend a night in a place her daughter is squatting with four good kid.
For me I would have told her my mind a long time ago that I need space if no changes my attitude will follow,rubbish!
This life is one,
Na wa o.
Her mother visiting is even okay.
DeleteHow about her husband that shamelessly spent 2 days 😂😂😂😂😂
In my life I have never seen such a shameless man. They are not even in a relatives house. They are in a friends house and he brought his shameless self to sleep over and ate your food for 3days straight. He's not even ashamed he can't provide shelter for his family;which is a man's sole responsibility.
DeleteThe friend is so shameless. Even if I travel and I go and spend maybe 2weeks in a relatives house,i don't even stay with friends. In my sisters house I will make sure I buy my own food,stock the fridge, cook my own soup etc. Even when they tell me not to worry I will still make sure from time to time I buy little things we all need for the house.
Poster your friend has no intention of leaving anytime soon. Before borrow urself brain.
Stylishly Tell her that your husband is asking when she will get her own place. What are her plans? Make it obvious that this is a temporary arrangement
DeleteMost times I hate when people start what they can't finish. What were you thinking when you brought them from the church to your place? Now you will be seen as a bad friend. Just follow the advice Stella gave you above. Sometimes you need to be blunt in life, else you lose the essence of living.
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteDon't start what you can't finish... you didn't need to bring them out of the church to humiliate them, now that we are here, you just need to ask her to leave.
Whatever you do, please be honest and don't lie on your husband, let her know the real reason you are changing your mind. Don't give your husband a bad name
God bless you anonymous 15:44. Tomorrow, hands will be pointing at an innocent man to be wicked, not knowing the woman is the one responsible. Now, I know that some of the problems men face in life are brought upon by their wives.
DeleteQuick question. How did you think it would play out?
DeleteTake Stella's advice and think things through next time.
Don't involve your husband's name here. If you are financially ok, give her some money and time limit to go. Tell her you are expecting visitors and the house won't be comfortable for all of you. Some people take people's kindness for granted.
DeleteTeejay what do you mean you hate people who start what they can’t finish? Did she plan on housing the entire clan from the start? She’s a mother and empathizes with another woman in dire need, is she supposed to be taken for granted?
Delete@Teejay I disagree with you on this. The poster is in no way to be blame. She helped a drowning woman with children. The ungrateful lady in the name of a friend is to be blamed. Poster please try and gather money no matter how small and rent one room far away from your house and send them there asap. Don't ever regret this act of kindness you did. God will definitely bless you for it. Cheer up, it will surely end in praise. Good luck.
DeleteSt. Luke 14:31 "Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand?
ReplyDeleteLuke 14:32 And if he cannot [do so], when the other king is still a great way off, he sends an envoy and asks the terms of peace.
Na wa o! You read about Sluttychic’s adopted brother and you still went ahead to allow them in your house. You need a very big konk on your head, I have nothing to say to you. Carry your cross
ReplyDeleteKick her and her battalion to the curb! Good deed that is already tinted with grumbling will never end well.
ReplyDeleteYup and please don’t use your husband as an excuse. Be direct letting her know this is not the plan and you can’t condone. Las las, tel her you will be traveling by mid September and they can’t stay back. Doesn’t she have siblings or in laws she can squat with. Be cordial and direct about your stance if not you will not be taken serious. You have tried but right now, you are being taken for granted.
DeletePoster, this is a very simple issue, in short, there's no issue here at all, except you would make it a serious one, if you refuse to follow Stella's and BVs advice
ReplyDeleteFollow Stella's red pen. Tell your friend that your husband is not happy with you, he has threatened to come throw you out of the house... Tell her he has planned to send his family members to come fight you.
Tell her You don't want problem in your marriage, you love your husband and want to keep your home... So, it will be better she start house hunting.
You can't feed these people, and your children are going to start getting uncomfortable soon... There's going to be fights among the kids too, it will be better you protect your kids and your family.
Some people doesn't know how to use their head. How can someone be generous to you and then, take their generosity for granted.
Please my dear poster, you better do the right thing and protect your family and your home.
These are the Nigerians who claim Christianity and pray everyday. Lol
DeleteWhy lie on your husband when you can be honest?
She shouldn’t use her husband as an excuse that’s transferring accusation to an innocent man who knows nothing of the situation. Was he even in the know when she was making the Christianly decision. She needs to take responsibility of her action and put her foot down. Tel them you are traveling mid September and you can’t leave them in the house. Simple.
DeletePoster the white enchantress gave the best advice don't use your husband as an excuse not to transfer false accusation on him. I can remember long ago this happened to my sister her visitor was pregnant she came along with her first child each time her husband visit he still looking for a house until the woman delivered her baby after a period of time my sister sees that they not ready to go she later also found out the husband was squatting somewhere. she told them she is traveling that was how she kick them out of her house. Give them a fix date, if they say they will leaving the day you are traveling pack a bag take your children and go visit your mother. Make sure they take all their belongings never you let them leave one pin in your house. Lock up your house if they call you are you back tell them NO.
DeletePoster Stella has given you the best advice
ReplyDeleteOr
Go and rent a sis in law, BV Sluttychic is available to do the job. Let her come in and scatter the place
I don’t know what is wrong with some people. U guys are easily gullible.no wonder dem dey scam una upandan. So if u send her out & your friendship spoil, will that be the end of the world? Tell her to leave your house cos she has overstayed.
ReplyDelete‘Lean on me no b press me die’
Best comment here!😘 Anon@ 15:14 you are a wise person
DeleteFollow Stella's advice or better still, invite your family members over and make them understand that the house will no longer be convenient for all of you so she better start looking for accommodation else where even if it's one bedroom apartment. If possible, tell her you will lend her some money to pay for one room first. Good riddance to bad rubbish!!! She even invited her mum and all... Na wah o
ReplyDeletethis wont end well at all. please tell her that your husband's people are visiting and your husband is returning soon. Because from the look of things they dont have any plan to leave.
ReplyDeleteWhat ego are you talking about when you are about to ruin your home yourself?
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, tell your friend that your in-laws have heard that you brought someone to live with you and are not happy about it.
If she’s a good and considerate friend, she will find an alternative.
The husband came Sunday and stayed till Tuesday....what a shame. Another man’s house🙋🏿♂️
It seems you have made them more than comfortable.
Tell her boldly to look for an alternative before she snatches your hubby and ruin your home. May your good intention not backfire on you.
Your head dey there jare. Poster listen to sluttchic advise. Don't mention your husband name but your inlaws and your family. Your friend can go diabolical on y husband ooo.
DeleteSlutty chic they should start paying you for the advice
DeleteSmh.
ReplyDeleteYou guys really need to learn the art of drawing the line!
That’s why sometimes, I give money when I want to help people. You have to understand that not all persons are noble enough to discipline/remind themselves not to take ones magnanimity for granted.
My friend, tell her you need her to leave before the end of .....
Since you didn’t draw the line early enough, you may feel you need an excuse to get her going, tell her her stay is putting friction in your family because she has stayed longer than you intended to house her. When you have this conversation, ensure you both agree on the exit date before the conversation is ended.
For future purpose, these are the good deeds you don't do
ReplyDelete1) giving accommodation to friends in your house
2)lending people money
3)giving out things on credit that you end up becoming a debtor yourself
4)doing things for free with the hope of receiving your money later. 5)lending Friends your stuffs to use till further notice
6) Doing business with friends and family
7)standing as a middle man for someone trying to borrow loan because they are your friend brother sister
Always remember these
Thank you!
Many thanks for this.
DeleteI learnt no5 they hard way
DeleteSmh.
ReplyDeleteYou guys really need to learn the art of drawing the line!
That’s why sometimes, I give money when I want to help people. You have to understand that not all persons are noble enough to discipline/remind themselves not to take ones magnanimity for granted.
My friend, tell her you need her to leave before the end of .....
Since you didn’t draw the line early enough, you may feel you need an excuse to get her going, tell her her stay is putting friction in your family because she has stayed longer than you intended to house her. When you have this conversation, ensure you both agree on the exit date before the conversation is ended.
I always prefer to help from afar as I love my space. That being said, I don't support you telling them your husband said they should leave. Tell her straight up that she has a month to look for an apartment as ... Fill in the gaps. You took her in, clear the mess
ReplyDeleteYou are right.
DeletePoster, don't give your husband a bad name, please.
Yes...she should not mentioned her husband at all.
DeletePlease ask your husband to call and speak in anger. Put the phone on speaker. Let her hear your husband warning you to ask her to leave the house within a specified time. Tell any of your friends to call you when you know she will be around. Let them lament on your husband's anger that they are still in the house. Feign not happy about the development and sit her down to plead with her to leave. You can promise to give her a token as part of her rent if she gets house. Let your husbands calls be consistent till they leave.
ReplyDeleteWhich kind yamayama advice is this?? Poster please don't take this useless advice.Don't drag an innocent man minding his business into this.I am sure it is a teenager that wrote this comment.Sochim there is no way you are an adult.There is more to life.Don't use people's condition to treat them like trash.No matter how overbearing your friend is,please send her out of your house peacefully and with dignity.
Deletehmmm this is serious and I smell trouble. the earlier she leaves now the better. but this ur friend is so ungrateful. how could she invite her mother over to stay till December. she has no plans of leaving.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMadam I applaud you for being a nice woman but honestly nobody sent you in fact u shouldn't have embarked on what you couldn't finish, it defeats the purpose in d first place. that been said,you can help her with some money to get a new place, people have a way of taking advantage of good people so don't really blame her. God give u wisdom
ReplyDeleteOMG! THE THINGS PEOPLE SEE AND GO THROUGH IN LIFE. ME, I CAN NEVER ACCOMMODATE ANY BODY. READ MY LIPS. NOBODY, EVEN MY RELATIVES TO AVOID PROBLEMS. I STAY ALONE WITH MY HOUSE HELP IN A LARGE AND PERSONAL ACCOMMODATION AS MY 2 KIDS LIVE ABROAD WITH THEIR FATHER, EVEN WHEN THE THOUGHT OF LETTING OUT THE GUEST ROOM OR LONELINESS CROSSES MY MIND I REJECT IT. I KNOW HOW IT IS TO PUT SOMEONE IN YOUR HOUSE IS. EITHER THEY MESS UP THE HOUSE OR YOU LOSE YOUR PEACE AND GET INSULT IN YOUR OWN PLACE.
ReplyDeletePOSTER, THEY ARE TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED. WHAT FRIENDSHIP! ABEG TELL HER TO LEAVE. YOUR FRIENDSHIP CAN NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. HE WHO GOES A BORROWING GOES A SORROWING. IMAGINE THE NONSENSE, BRINGING HER MOTHER, SISTER IN. HUSBAND NO EVEN GET SHAME. THE WAY SOME PEOPLE REASON BAFFLES ME.
THINGS LIKE THIS GIVE ME THE GOOSE PIMPLES AND ENCOURAGEMENT TO STAND MY MY ACTION OR OPINION OF NOT ACCOMMODATING ANYONE. MY PLACE IS SO COSY. THEY WILL NOT WANT TO LEAVE. THEY WILL EVEN SPOIL SOME THINGS FOR ME. I LIKE CLEAN HOUSE. CLEAN KITCHEN.CLEAN ROOMS WHETHER I SLEEP IN IT OR NOT.I INSPECT MY HOUSE HELP ROOM ALL THE TIME
TUFIAKWA , USING YOUR HAND TO BUY PROBLEM. JUST LIKE STELLA SAID,TELL HER YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT IN AGREEMENT AND YOU ARE GIVING HER 2 OR 3 WEEKS TO GET HER PLACE CAUSE YOU DONT WANT PROBLEM IN YOUR MARRIAGE. GOOD LUCK.
And nobody will accommodate you, read my butts; not even your relatives to avoid your problems.
DeleteWhy are you shouting?
DeleteKukuma Chop your house naa.Clean kitchen,clean house yen yen..No be say this house dey on top moon oh.And you think your friends and relatives don't see through your wickedness?? Some will rather live under the bridge than come stay with someone like you.Some of you are so full of yourselves abeg.Poster don't mind this one up here biko.It is not a crime to be good and sympathetic towards your fellow human.]p
DeleteGIVE HER FROM NOW TILL THE END OF SEPTEMBER..INFORM HER GENTLY THAT HUBBY ISN'T HAPPY AND HE'LL BE BACK SEPTEMBR ENDING AND U ACCOMMODATED HER N HER KIDS NOT HER MUM,HUSBAND OR SISTER FROM UNI...THEY SHOULD START HOUSE HUNTING..PEOPLE WEY NO GET SENSE...VERY UNWISE OF HER
ReplyDeleteThis is the best advice do far.
DeleteI once had same issues.
Accommodated someone, next thing, she stopped house hunting. I just told her my brother was coming in 2months time, and she needs to vacate the room for him.
One month, I started counting down for her.
Kilode
Na wa ooo.. That's why I don't incovinent myself. I only render help if I know I can and most times its money.. Would rather give you money then to displeased myself or feel uncomfortable. Poster,just tell her your hubby is not comfortable with and its causing issues btw u two. Shikena!
ReplyDeleteposter you should have offered her some money than bringing her to your place. She saw a big, beautiful house with free everything in it. Who will see free things and say nope i want to suffer in life?
ReplyDeleteI advise you to call her and have a talk with her one on one, get to find out what is her plans towards the house hunting. You will know if she is truely looking for or not. If money is the issue here i will advise you raise something for her and ask them to move out before another woman collect your home. She brought her mum to come and stay cos she knows you are too soft to throw them away. If the mum was missing the kids she should send them to her mum's place thank God children are on btreak and not use that one to come and occupy your house.
i once had an experience with my gf, i kept jher in my place she told me two weeks, two weeks became 6 months plus. One day i woke up and said to myself enough is enough, i told her babe you came to my house without a job now you have one. you have never dropped any money in this house yet all the bills are been taken care of. You eat what you like and yet you cannot apreciate me rather you complain of alot of things. I give you from now till month end to move out or i throw you out. Month ending babe came up with stupid story that she want to travel and leave her stuffs at my place, i told her look pick all your things and move out. That was how this girl moved out, she get a place and was furnioshing it small small while still using my head. You have to speak out else she will take you for a fool.
Tell her to give you up date about the house hunting, tell her you will connect her with your agent to hear what she will tell you. Let yur church contribute some money and if you have you add up to them to send them far from you. People abuse free things.
Gbamest!!!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌
DeleteDon’t use your husband to lie o because if your friend gets angry and you know angry people are desperate.
ReplyDeletePoster you think pursuing those people out of your house will be easy? even that my husband blablabla will not work.. las las you will have to rent a place for them using your husband, and just know that friendship is over... When I'm helping i use my head, no matter how pitiful that person situation is, cos las las i will be a bad person, esp anything that has to do with accommodating someone, that shit rarely ends well
ReplyDeleteDon't throw your husband under the bus, ask her to leave...i don't understand why some people can't say how they feel to people they call friends.
ReplyDelete"How can someone be generous to you and then, take their generosity for granted"? ����
ReplyDeleteIs that not typical behaviour of most humans? You give them an inch they take a mile. Entitled lots everywhere. People that I am sure are already planning on how she will introduce her own husband to the posters husband so that her husband too can travel out, and you are here poster thinking of how to send them out. I am even sure the husband has stopped giving her feeding money since you have taken over the feeding aspect already.
When you help people at first, they appreciate but after a while, different thoughts creeps into their heads of how to better make use of the opportunity you have presented them with. People's "appreciative span" only lasts a few days after that they want more and expect more by putting more burden on you. That's why I prefer to render assistance to people who don't know me or better still from a distance.
Poster bring people into the house to make her uncomfortable. That's the only solution I see here that's if you want a quick result.
this story reminds me of one family friend that came to stay at my place cos he had an interview to attend. Interview turned to job hunting, guy man refused to go. I was fed up with his attitude.
ReplyDeleteI had a major operations at the time he came around and i was just recovering. I have two single setter and three setter chair in my sitting room. I always lay on the three setter once i sit for a while. You know how you will be staying on a three setter to relax while wathing movie instead of staying in the bed room.
this guy will take my space knowing fully well i am not strong, he will sit on the three seater and pe pressing phone, chatting and laughing. He will expect me to manage my healt and cook for him. He told me he does not like cook, so i should be cooking for him with my condition. One day i got fed up on him after he cooked beans, cooked large quantity that he threw away the food, i told him to leave my house by tomorrow and never come back again. He was begging me and i told hin you have stayed more than 3 months, free food, free everything. you will not let me watch television, you put music all the time. So i must watch music all the time, who pays the bill and who pays the rent. I told him to move out and i never looked back. I cannot allow anyone discomfort me anymore, if you try trash i will send you out. Stop being nice and applying pity face that will not change anything.
Just tell her mum can’t come and stay and ask her whether she’s planning to be in your home in December
ReplyDeleteI don’t think she’s taking you for granted
I think you’re acting like you’re nicer than you are. You want to say hubby sent her away cause you wsnt to seem like you would have let her stay
Just be yourself
That is how the other poster got someone to do his dirty work, this one is also looking for someone to do same for her. Is it your husband that invited her? I don't see why you should use him as an excuse to remove her.
DeleteStop pretending to be so nice and going along with everything your so called friend says when you don't agree. My mom is coming, ooo, my sister is coming ooo, my husband is coming ooo, my mom will stay till December, ooo. You are the one giving the impression that you have given them your space indefinitely. You see your problem? Ask her point blank when she is leaving and give her a set time, because you will have need of your space. If you can chip in financially fine. But let this be a lesson to you. Be prepared for whatever you might hear behind you and whatever attitude you receive before you.
Good luck.
Anon 17:25.At your last sentence...I tell she has to brace herself for whatever outcome she gets after her friend moves out. when my friend moved out after staying with me for close to a year and going through a lot for her. What I heard about me outside till this day I haven't recovered from the hurt. She spoilt my name every where possible, that some out of the people who knew us together gave me an attitude whenever we crossed paths. God later vindicated me after almost three years has passed when she did something similar to another. This person came o tell m everything himself that whenever he sighted me then, he hated me thinking how can someone be his wicked?
DeletePoster this your matter is bothering me because I have been there before. No matter what happens just know your she will have you in mind.
When you are nice people automatically think you don't have sense. Because they know they can never behave like you so before you wake up they take advantage of you in every way possible, before their time runs out. Look her your friend telling you that she wants her money to stay till December so she can save and buy her things to take to the village. What's your business with that? She stylishly begging for money again with that statement of hers after you have accommodated them. So what if she couldn't save money till give her mother in December, will the mother wait again till match so she can find money to save and give her to leave or will she borrow money from you?
ReplyDeleteIf u want to render help like this my people plz make it strictly financial!!!!!! Most People take things for granted and always want to take advantage of the situation!!! Tell her your inlaws heard and they are furious so she has to goooo!
ReplyDeleteerr I know this is of topic but BVs I need your input. I need money for something important, and my boyfriend has been trying to rally round to get it for me. but now my cousin abroad sent me some $$$. now should I tell him to chill that it's been sorted out or I should just collect whatever he brings and add it to what was sent.
ReplyDeletePS. I'm not selfish or greedy just that I feel he doesn't really spend on me so much when he has.
Collect his own and add it ALL to the business. Appreciate him when you start making profit.
DeleteDear poster, do not spoil the good thing you started. Try to be good to the very end cos no one knows tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteCall your friend sit her down and ask her how far they have gone in searching for house. Hear from her. Then , give her some money and tell her to add to what they have and get a place because you don't know how your husband will react if he comes around.
Tell you allow them to stay because you never knew it is gonna take so long before they can get a place.
Be very diplomatic, no one knows tomorrow, you might need her help in the future.
Don't worry eh. It's when your friend starts chatting with your husband behind your back and spoiling your name or worse dating your husband, that's when your eyes will clear. Forget she's married o. Some married women are having affairs with their friend's husbands for financial gain.
ReplyDeleteI think u should tell her that ur husband has stopped sending u money since u told him her mum, sis, n husband came around. When hunger sama them for one week they will know they are inconviniencing u.
ReplyDeleteWisdom is profitable to direct my dear.
My husband once told mr to let my brother come stay with us, I just acted as if I didnt hear him.I don't want a situation where he will come and start feeling entitled. I know him wella, so he cant stay with us. I send him money to sort himself out once in a while. I don't want to start a journey I cant end mbok.
Poster, if you dont act now this friendship you are in will choke you. When it is few months for your hubby to come home, tell her to start looking 4 an accommodation because your hubby is coming and he wouldn't want to see any guest. Make sure you look out for a place for her too because she may feel reluctant to look for cos you have make her comfortable. It is not compulsory that you pay for the accommodation. Your are not her husband.
ReplyDeletePlease, whenever you want to accommodate anyone, always agree on a fix date of leaving. Ask how long they'll be staying and let them know they won't be welcomed after that day. Na only for Naija people dey do all this kind nonsense dey happen
ReplyDeleteDante
Exactly what I was thinking. Just in case you decide to let someone stay, agree on a time to leave. In the first place don't even start what you can't finish.
DeleteTrue. But some will tell you a few days but have no intention of leaving. Such people have studied their victims and feel they are pushovers. Their ultimate aim is to take advantage and be parasitic. They are different from genuine people who need help because they always do pass themselves, taking every advantage to the point of taking over.
DeleteSome people are funny! Just tell her you can’t cope with her staying that long at your place, that you only wanted them to stay for a short period of time before they secure their own place, no need to bring in your husbands name. Let her get angry and leave now because even if she lives with you for 2years, the day you ask her to leave is the day you become her enemy. It’s better to take action now.
ReplyDeleteLack of money causes a lot of issues....
ReplyDeleteNo matter how nice one is to you , one shouldn't feel too comfortable when assistance is rendered .
Bringing her sister and mum is a no no.
Her husband sleeping over at his wife's friend's house is a no no .
Sit her down and ask what their plans are then you know how to go about it.
Wisdom is key .
Seriously, I don’t understand how people feel comfortable living in another person’s house to the point of taking over the house. Hmmmnnnn
ReplyDeleteDon't mention your husband as the sole reason for the reason for her moving out, leave the poor man alone. You are old enough to trash out this situation yourself.
ReplyDeleteLook, call her out on her bullshit and shame her behavior and abuse of friendship. Call her and sit her down, ask her when exactly is she planning on leaving? Tell her that you never expected that she will abuse your hand of support for her to start shipping her family members- mom, sister and her husband occasional visit. Nigeria is hard and that the financial strain her continued visit coupled with that of her family members is becoming unbearable and that you can't go to your husband to ask for money so that you can continue to feed and keep them in comfort because it will cause marital problems for you. Tell her that you are willing to give her one more month to find her bearings or get another place to squat because you have tried and exceeded your financial capabilities without incurring more debt because of them and that some family members of yours are coming by next month so everyone has to find their level because you cannot cater for everyone.
Don't smile, don't stammer, don't accept any condition like I'll contribute towards our upkeep blablabla. Give her the numbers of house agents to fast track the process but don't get involved.
I so hate people who abuse help rendered to them.
Exactly. This is abuse of help being rendered. Some people just enjoy taking others for fools.
DeletePlease take this advice. Stop enabling bad behavior. Let her know she abused your help given to her. Why should you be the one to feel bad when you’re the one rendering help?
Delete@your last paragraph they will always try to negotiate their way out by giving conditions to make you feel guilty 😂
DeletePoster, if you can afford it, please get a room apartment for her and give her the keys. That is the price you have to pay for being too nice. You made her very comfortable and made her believe she could stay until eternity, unfortunately some people no get sense!. Give her the keys and tell her you will assist in moving her stuff out within 1 week. Make sure she moves before school resumption. If you continue being nice, she will not move out and you will end up being unhappy. Don't lie about your husband. Apply wisdom. Case closed!.
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, the friendship can never be the same again.
ReplyDeleteAnd the longer she stays, the more problems.
Pls, tonight, call her and ask her when she is leaving?
No matter her response, tell her that your intention was to house her for a week or max 2 weeks and you believed, by then she would have gotten an apartment.
Tell her to please sort herself out and leave within a week or 2.
Tell her, you don't want to have problems with your husband, neither do you want to destroy your friendship.
Make sure you ask her on a daily, till the 2 weeks.
She will definitely talk bad about you either now or later. So, forget that.
You can tell her to move to where her husband Is living or somewhere else.
That you have rendered the much help you can.
Incase the husband comes around, pls ask him directly too.
She will talk bad but she will eventually be alright. Na today? when next she has a problem she will remember you.
DeletePoster, you did well by giving your friend and her children shelter. There is nothing wring in what you did. Your friend is just and entitled ingrate and shameless. Why didn't her mother and sister go stay with her when she was living in the church? What sort of shameless family is that? Your friend, her mother, her sister and finally her husband her all shameless! In another person's house, the mother wants to stay till December? Are you sure your friend didn't lie to her mother and sister that she is paying rent in that house? What the hell is going on sef? ahh ahn! You will start by rejecting her offer that her mother should look after your kid. Then start locking your kitchen! In short I don't know what else to say to you o..I tire for this kain matter! Tueh!
ReplyDeleteI support the locking kitchen part.
DeletePlease don't lock you kitchen for anyone, food shouldn't be what you won't want to give another no to talk of children and the elderly. Food is shit o, if you have start medicine good, complete to the end by giving her a time frame to leave. You should have left her in the church and take food to her once a week. You can't bring her outta the gutter and want to throw her into the ocean. If she didn't ask for your help, there was no need in bringing her, because in her mind if you could help her and her kids, then her mum and sister can actually come and stay as long as they want. This should also serve as a less, when bringing anyone to your house, give them terms and conditions. But in this case, she didn't beg you to come, you asked her to. Do what is right in the sight of God and man. Don't help drown a drowning man...
DeleteDear poster,pls leave your husband out of this...sort yourself out. There's no way you say it that this woman will understand. She will feel bad,except you rent a place very nice for her and give her the keys...that will really brighten her up..so this is how to play,call her and tell her you are not comfortable with her staying around any longer and you will give her till September end to move...be kind with your words and support her with whatever you can afford ..and expect her to be sober or start behaving funny but make sure you behave normal and nice till she lives..and pray before you approach her that God should interpreted your words to her so she doesn't take it the other way and start visiting herbalist
ReplyDeleteWe as Nigerians need to unlearn the art/act of lying.... let’s together as a people and for a trustworthy society stop saying things that are simply not true.... Poster—— if you can help with money to rent a one or 2 bedroom apartment in a cheap enough area, I think that would be a solution devoid of dishonesty and hurt.
ReplyDeleteExactly what I will do. Even if it's for two or three months. Then see if you can help her get any kind of job. If you throw her out, she will call you names, forgetting you brought her of where she was.
DeletePoster pls I take God beg you don't let them stay take madam Stella advice. That was how my family took pity naso them stay 2years without paying a dine. They will still fight with my mum, keep malice and a whole lot, me I can never ever help pple with accommodation issues due to experience when you accommodate them they never want to leave
ReplyDeleteTell the amount you can help her with.. .If she is really your friend, you should have known her type n limit of how you can help her. She lacks respect for your person... My mother won't even visit me in such circumstances...she was brought up like that, and her mother is just same else she won't accept to stay in someone's house in the first place
ReplyDeletePut an end to this now. Somebody who is squatting should not be inviting everyone over to live with her.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, you don't need to tell lies to your friend. Just give her a month notice to leave your house. What's wrong with some people??
ReplyDeleteIf she and her husband can't afford another accommodation, they can relocate to the village.
Ndi uwa...Your help wan choke you.
Poster my advice for you is this
ReplyDelete1) ask your mum to come stay with you for some days like the previous poster did,or
2) look for money and get them a room self-contained, with that i don't think she will havv excuse of not leaving your house. People like this make things difficult for the real people that need it, how can you invite your mum to come stay where you are scouting? Even the mum can not even respect her old age☹.
You can assist them financially when they find a place. Tell your mum to spend this weekend with you.
ReplyDeleteI do not know why I just have this thought that she and her mother may programme her sister for your hubby.
Your friend's mother also have no business taking care of your kids. Goodluck
Lets trash this from the root, ma.
ReplyDeleteUnderstand that because she is your close friend, she knows too much about you. She knows about your hubby's schedule and your financial status; that's why she is taking the piss. Sometimes, helping strangers is better; because they dont know too much, they maintain boundaries. But what I have learnt is that intensively helping people who are too close can land you in a funny spot. Its natural, people dont respect what they are too familiar with. They are too aware of who you are and will usually take you for granted.
You would have been a 'better friend' if you drove to the church, gave her like 200k to add to her house rent, held her hand and prayed with her believing that God will change the situation for good, bought food in takeaway packs for her children and even some clothes. Ah! She would have sung your praises to the highest heavens.
This our good heart, if we dont manage it well with people we will always have issues even when we are trying to help. The bible reminds us to in Prov. 4:23. Sometimes mind your business, sometimes be helpful from afar, sometimes offer people distant support to deal with their issues. Dont carry the gbese cos I promise you if tables are turned, they cant do same for you.
As for the friendship being ruined, I tell you she knows what she is doing and she knows she cant take it from you if this was your case. Cunny people always try these tricks and the more you enable them, the more they keep encroaching. Have a sit down with her before bedtime and ask her when exactly she getting her house. She will likely give all sorts of excuses to get on your pitiful side, and magnify her financial situation. That is the manipulative side of such people, but dont give in cos she is playing the part of someone who knows you too much. Tell her you understand, but this is your home and your husband is no longer comfortable with this whole arrangement. That you cant lose your home because you are helping ber keep hers or that does she want you to lose your home? Tell her you will support her with a fixed amount that's comfortable for you, on the condition that she gets a house within one month; as that's what you told hubby when she moved in and now your hands are tied.
After you have this discussion, DO NOT get back to laughing as much as you used to. Some days, when NEPA takes light dont fuel gen. Ration food for everyone, maybe put a lock on the door leading to the store. If they ask, tell them hubby said you should lock it cos of rats eating foodstuff at times. Stop giving them impression that you have so much to spare,immediately. This is because if you talk and dont change your actions, she wont take you seriously. Shes your friend so she will try to break down your defenses. Do this for one week and watch everyone prepare to leave.
Goodluck!!
Please listen to Chikito
DeleteAm too angry to type. Like seriously, in my house? I can't be taken for granted. U need to stand up
ReplyDeleteI wonder why many comments here are suggesting unnecessary lies to this poster. Meanwhile, many of them here would do worse than this poster's friend, if in same shoes. One thing ALL OF US are ignoring is that this woman is at her lowest level in life so CANNOT currently think like most of us here. How many of us can accept to take our FOUR children to live in the place of worship? Does it not show you she has gone beyond shame and can no longer reason better? She may be innocently bringing in her relatives not feeling you are not okay with it.
ReplyDeletePls poster rent a mini-flat for your friend so she leaves your space AND THANK ME LATER. It's a lesson for ALL.
Poster please remember that being honest and having boundaries does not make you a wicked person.
ReplyDeleteDo not compromise your integrity by lying or coming up with stories, tell her the truth, she cannot stay in your housr indefinitely and give her a timeline to sort herself out. I recommend 1 month to 6 weeks. If you give her a long deadline she will ignore it.
I know times are hard but there's no need to be a manipulative parasite. She was manipulative by telling you her mom was coming for a visit knowing full well her mother intended to stay for a long time. She also tried to manipulate you further by claiming her mother would be a "help" to you. She's parasitic by not contributing a dime to your household and also by not helping to conserve your resources.
But MOST IMPORTANTLY, think of your children. Do you really know her children? Her mother? Are you sure you're not exposing them to abuse of any kind? Or even oppression?
Please reclaim your home and send her on her way. You shouldn't even encourage her bad behavior by helping her find or pay for a place. Let her and her family sort themselves. Believe these locusts types can always sort themselves they just like using others.
Poster, learn to apply wisdom in your relationships with people, bearing in mind that "the heart of man us wicked." You didn't even consider your young children before bringing in this friend with her family. I just hope your innocent kids are not being abused in any way. You wanted to be seen as good that's why you took such a hasty decision. I don't let people stay with me, even while I was single and living alone. I had heard way too many stories of how it usually ended badly so I didn't want that.
ReplyDeletePlease and please, don't use your husband's name to lie. You made the mess so clean it up.
Sometimes you should render assistance from a distance. Your home is your haven, your sanctuary. Don't allow anyone to come in and disrupt your peace. You should have just sent this 'friend ' some money (whatever you can afford) to help.