Singer and Celebrity photographer Ty Bello talks About how she felt dirty after being violated and says too many Children are being abused and its time to teach them how to use their voices..........
In sharing ..I faintly began tasting the shame again .. that same feeling of naked ‘dirtiness ‘’ I had as a child .. it hadn’t completely gone away .It also became clear .. that real stories of s#xual abuse still sounded like NOVELTY.. I saw headline after headline .. even in broken English .. this my ‘confession ‘.that ‘ Dem ‘SPOIL ‘ me when I be small pikin’.. It didn’t feel good that it was so ‘sensational’ as I was aware of how massive a plague this was ..WE CLEARLY ARE NOT TALKING ENOUGH ..too many children s#xually abused .. too many s#x crimes ..especially now .. right under our noses .
I had to push past the inner conflict that talking about it was ‘unnecessary’ ... it was too long ago ..too ‘Oyinboish ‘to discuss publicly .. ‘. ‘Then of course ..that talking about it now would make it seem like my family failed me as a child .. but they didn’t .. and could never have known .. I had mastered SILENCE !they were victims too.
Every abuse story is different but it is SHAME that makes them complicated..
Sadly , the shame hardly lies with the perpetrators .. So I’ve learnt that it’s time to nail shame right where it belongs ..Far away from the wronged .. Bringing them instead to healing ,justice and freedom.
We must teach ever child the power of their voices ,,Apparently ,we must teach adults too ... and more importantly we must learn to listen .. understand and know that S#x is not a dirty word .. but DENIAL is ..''
*I am in a cold sweat!!!
Repressed emotions!
ReplyDelete‘M super proud of all our ladies telling their truth. It’s indeed a daunting task.
I have never mentioned it and still in a cold sweat relieving it.
You can say your truth or write a letter and relive it on paper then burn it. Maybe you can get some relief in doing that. Or find courage to speak out.
DeleteSending you e-hugs.
I have never mentioned mine either. I know people will attack and say they’re lies. I also know girls from uni who got gang raped but never spoke a word about it. In fact, she dated one of the four guys who raped her for the next year or so. I just couldn’t understand why. Now I do. I sent Stella an email yesterday about rape victimology from a man’s point of view.
DeleteStella, please post his write up. It’ll help people understand more. I mentioned his name in the email, you can check his post out yourself on FB. Thank you in advance Stella
If you are looking for the biggest hypocrites in the world, come to this country, I can barely stand them all, wheee were you all when Ese Walters came out. And we run do Auntie Stella, in a cold sweat for this hot weather, it is well o
ReplyDeleteMadam park well. Raping an under age child is different from the consensual sexual relationship Ese had with the Pastor as an adult. It will not better for those that bastardised education in this country such that people like you cannot comprehend and analyse different scenarios!!!!
DeleteEse Walter was sexually abused and manipulated by a man in a position of power over her. Yes it wasn't rape but it also wasn't right and Biodun should have answered for his wrong doing with a member in his care.
DeleteWe keep looking for "perfect" victims before we're able to stand up for what's right. Ese was abused, Busola was abused and Ty was abused to. I pray they all get healing and we stop withholding empathy from victims we don't see as perfect.
ode ese Walter had an affair and she was very much older, if not late twenthies. I pitied her then but she was F$$king the man dammit. use your brain
DeleteAll of them are crawling out one after the other. Truth is coming out small small...
ReplyDeleteThe shocking thing I found out in these past few days is that everyone has a story of sexual abuse. Every one has either been raped, close to being raped or know someone who was. It's sad.
ReplyDeleteShocking ke?
DeleteI am surprised you are surprised. In a country where men stare at, even touch boobs, ass, skin, in public places, in a bus and so on, talkless of in the dark or in a private area.
It will shock you that a lot of first children were because of rape, in that the guy had sex with a MINOR or even a young adult WITHOUT CONSENT and she got pregnant, the parents of the bride/teen forces marriage on the man's family.
It happens a lot, from ghetto to villages to even posh areas, where some husbands, sons help themselves with the househelp, by raping them.
Anyway you wont know, since we have a victim blame culture, even if its a well developed 13yr old, we still blame the 13 yr old for 'seducing'.
pshcew. I pray we change the way we treat the girl child!!!!
By the way, please speak to your mothers, aunties, sisters female cousins about this coza case, you may be surprised at their reaction. I told my female cousin, she just instantly became depressed bcos it triggered her own trauma as she recalled an attempted sexual assault by cult members in uni, while coming in from SU. They trailed her and her friends, got them to a quiet corner, she escaped becos she was lekpa, they raped the more curvy babes, and no they did not shout, they dare not shout. Just quietly cry till they finished.
I had to calm her down.
its truly a sensitive snd a national issue. The culture of shaming the victim, encourages silence which in turn emboldens potential rapists to continue. They will say afterall na you go lost. pschewwwww
This a proof that so many of the men we see everyday are beast, òbúkọ.
DeleteSay no to rape. I have never been raped,but I was harassed in market. A man just came and started rubbing his prick on my butty. That experience was not pleasant and all. I felt like trash. It took me days to be myself. I felt like an irresponsible person. That experience made me respect rape victims and the emotional trauma they go tru.#saynotorape.
ReplyDeleteWow 😨in a public place for that matter.
DeleteI hope they dealt with him.
Imagine leaving such a person with little children.
These kids should be taught how to defend themselves...like biting.
Most abused children because abusers in the future.
ReplyDeleteTrue.
DeleteThe truth is that rape is happening everyday. I am very happy that people are speaking up now. I pray this Busola case brings an end to rape
ReplyDeleteSay no to Rape..
ReplyDeleteBusola's case will bring out a lot of canker worm.Many names will be mentioned and it will be a surprised...
All these revelations goes to show dat 70% Nigerian males are sck upstairs. No self control. I remember in d 80s, was in a molue (10 sitting, 99 standin). U kno hw pple were being packed lyk sardine. By d tym i got down, some1 drew my attentim to my backsyd. One useles man had poured se*** on my skirt. It feels disgusting even as i relieve d experience. ANIMALS EVERYWHERE!!
ReplyDelete80s...? You must be an old kagwos...
Delete13:12 is that all you can say on this experience? Maybe you are a rapist.
DeleteYes, I'm getting older and young at heart. In my 50s and a Grandma. May you also be an old kagwo. LOL
DeleteAnd this is the only thing Anonymous 13:12 noticed and is able to contribute. Na wa o, the minds of people never fail to baffle.
DeleteI know of similar stories, on Molue, on Okada (when Okada riders will insist on taking 2 passengers). There was a time I conducted a survey among friends and I found 1 in 5 girls have been raped and 3 in five has experienced some kind of sexual (none penetrative) sexual assault.
Our country is such a place where many men think a woman saying no means yes, and yes means yes. So, a woman just can't say know. Many men feel like they own the body of women and women's bodies are just there for their sexual gratification.
We need a major change really. FYI, I am a man, so don't get it twisted. I will never stand for the rubbish that some members of my gender see as normal!
My brother @the traveller: God bless you!!
DeleteAt my office as mature as i am (early 40s) one equally matured man who is entitled to 4 wives, as we passed the metal detector door, he touched my bum, keeping his face as if he didnt do anything, i immediately reacted and he walked away very fast. Another man exposed his d&*k to me in his office. My female colleagues have male colleagues showing them their erection. Whether you are dressed in hijab or a decent skirt suit
Because in Naija its a man world, some men believe in their delusion that if they see a woman with glowing skin and unbelieveable curves, they must touch it. Dont try visiting tejouso market.
Last week alone, several mastuba@@ion videos came out online where the man stares at a boob or exposed lap and help himself, IN PUBLIC, what will such do at night?
Ask night bus drivers what ladies face
Even at the hospitals, male patients harrass the nurse.
If we stop shaming the victims, and if decent men like yourself show half the chivalry/support that Timi gave Busola, maybe we can curb 1%of the problem, we still have 99% to go.
We call South Africa the rape capital, but in my opinion them still dey learn where we dey. It is because they dont shame victims that they even got the correct statistics as to rape indicences.
Hypocritical, judgmental fake religious Naija dont have statistics because the victim will be blamed.
Ah who will marry her?
hmm, are you sure she was dressed properly?
kai good for her, her shakara too much, are you sure she didnt want it?
she must have seduced him etc
No means No. Silence doesnt mean yes. With all the willing women open to sex why single out the minors,or drunk (not of sober mind) or those that are just not interested in the guy.
We still have a way to go biko
I hated the idea of sex for a really long time after I was abused. The sight of the male organ disgusted me. I hated men. Couldn’t understand why women loved them and so I hated women too. Remained single for a long time. The trauma was terrible. Anywhere I went Catholic Church, Pentecostal, someone in leadership whipped out his penis and ready for sex. I began to think something was wrong with me. Now I know I am na t alone. I wanted to be free, wanted to talk to someone but they all wanted sex. Some watch church online and focused on my career!!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with you, and God loves you very much. Hugs.
DeleteI had same experience when I was in primary school with my uncle till now I have not speak out I am married with kids now
ReplyDeleteUNICEF survey report says that one in four girls and one in ten boys suffers from sexual molestation and about one in ten children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.
ReplyDelete