Good day Stella
. Thank you for giving us a platform to learn and draw inspirations from.Your platform has given a lot of women voice and direction..God bless you and BVs more. Amen.
I'm actually not in a good place mentally now, ordinarily i wouldn't send this in but i read Stella saying the chronicle folder is empty and she needs some, so I'm like what the heck!, No one knows me! So let me entertain you...
I'm very embarrassed and humiliated at my situation , and Ive kinda crawled into my shell , keeping away from people lest i be mocked and shamed at this period of my crisis.
I had written a chronicle last year about hubby who has several baby mamas and children all over the continent at my back and which i found out last year after he came home last September and his fone had a problem, ,,hence the discovery......( he lives abroad)...
from the comments ,everyone advised me to let my family know the situation,and not die in silence, which i did. Now we are officially estranged.
At first i didn't want to let my parents and siblings know the true situation, because i was worried that my parents will freak out about me being out of job and being stranded with 4 children and thus worry themselves sick.
I had hoped i could quickly get back on my feet financially before letting them know, so they can at least not worry about our finances?, but it got more tense and became inevitable that i intimate them.
We got estranged because he wasn't remorseful and he uses money to intimidate and manipulate me, if i don't agree to his whims, he stops sending money for Our 4 children's upkeep. But when i give in to his blackmails, he will release money to us.and so , he held me hostage with money for long.
Before now, it has been tight getting regular upkeep money from him but i managed because i was working, but my company got grounded and i lost my job last year and had to depend on him sending us money for up keeps.
Now after i posted our situation here, he got livid and became gleefully nonchalant He stopped sending us money expecting me to grovel to him , seeing as I've lost my Job and had no other source of income, Giving unbearable ultimatums and being unrepentant....Telling me how its a mans world and i cant do anything about it.
When our house rent was due , he waited to hear that we have been ejected, but my siblings came to my rescue and payed our house rent and children's school fees.and i dedicated my savings for feeding and getting their daily needs since last year till now while still searching frantically for another job.Then i started selling off my jewelries to feed my kids when i ran out of savings.
I thought of starting some little business but i had tried in the past and failed woefully, and concluded i am not business inclined.also scared of investing our little remaining feeding money into the business and not having enough to feed on..When children are hungry....they don't want to hear Storys. And its been so draining sustaining feeding for them without income.
I am at the lowest point in my life right now, and scared for the immediate future Don't know the way forward, thinking of how to get back on my feet and care for my children, while he jets around living his best life frolicking with different ladies, partying and clubbing with no care in the world.
And YES!. The life experiences i read here shared by you guys gave me the courage to stand up for myself.and my Children, even though we may not have all the comfort now, i feel a deep sense of peace in my heart knowing that i have a choice and no longer anyone's puppet.By Gods grace a Job will come my way and we will be fine.
Thank you blessed BVs
I'm actually not in a good place mentally now, ordinarily i wouldn't send this in but i read Stella saying the chronicle folder is empty and she needs some, so I'm like what the heck!, No one knows me! So let me entertain you...
I'm very embarrassed and humiliated at my situation , and Ive kinda crawled into my shell , keeping away from people lest i be mocked and shamed at this period of my crisis.
I had written a chronicle last year about hubby who has several baby mamas and children all over the continent at my back and which i found out last year after he came home last September and his fone had a problem, ,,hence the discovery......( he lives abroad)...
from the comments ,everyone advised me to let my family know the situation,and not die in silence, which i did. Now we are officially estranged.
At first i didn't want to let my parents and siblings know the true situation, because i was worried that my parents will freak out about me being out of job and being stranded with 4 children and thus worry themselves sick.
I had hoped i could quickly get back on my feet financially before letting them know, so they can at least not worry about our finances?, but it got more tense and became inevitable that i intimate them.
We got estranged because he wasn't remorseful and he uses money to intimidate and manipulate me, if i don't agree to his whims, he stops sending money for Our 4 children's upkeep. But when i give in to his blackmails, he will release money to us.and so , he held me hostage with money for long.
Before now, it has been tight getting regular upkeep money from him but i managed because i was working, but my company got grounded and i lost my job last year and had to depend on him sending us money for up keeps.
Now after i posted our situation here, he got livid and became gleefully nonchalant He stopped sending us money expecting me to grovel to him , seeing as I've lost my Job and had no other source of income, Giving unbearable ultimatums and being unrepentant....Telling me how its a mans world and i cant do anything about it.
When our house rent was due , he waited to hear that we have been ejected, but my siblings came to my rescue and payed our house rent and children's school fees.and i dedicated my savings for feeding and getting their daily needs since last year till now while still searching frantically for another job.Then i started selling off my jewelries to feed my kids when i ran out of savings.
I thought of starting some little business but i had tried in the past and failed woefully, and concluded i am not business inclined.also scared of investing our little remaining feeding money into the business and not having enough to feed on..When children are hungry....they don't want to hear Storys. And its been so draining sustaining feeding for them without income.
I am at the lowest point in my life right now, and scared for the immediate future Don't know the way forward, thinking of how to get back on my feet and care for my children, while he jets around living his best life frolicking with different ladies, partying and clubbing with no care in the world.
And YES!. The life experiences i read here shared by you guys gave me the courage to stand up for myself.and my Children, even though we may not have all the comfort now, i feel a deep sense of peace in my heart knowing that i have a choice and no longer anyone's puppet.By Gods grace a Job will come my way and we will be fine.
Thank you blessed BVs
Please what did you study and what type of job are you looking for? Maybe we can help with that
ReplyDeleteMaybe u would have played along like u are still interested, so u can collect money from him since he is based abroad and u don’t live together.. maybe U would have acted like u are still interested, so that u can collect money for your kids but the man is heartless did not givin money for his kids no matter what ... useless man, God go punish am
ReplyDeleteMe too
DeleteI think you would have strategized more, creating a plan A, B and C if possible. Sorry about your situation but you just have to keep pushing for the sake of your kids.
I'm with you anon 15.36, she should've played along to collect as much for the kids and get some savings from there..
DeleteDear Poster,
DeleteIt's going to be long but please read. I was in the same situation and I had to speak sense to myself. Horseband thought I had gotten to the end. He had stopped paying my children's fees and was proud to rub it on. I was virtually a beggar. Woke up one-day and reminded myself how beautiful and intelligent I was. It was a difficult phase to break away from but I did. Luckily the first place I sent my CV to I was called. I went there and argued my self to a half a million a month salary. I was asked to resume 3days later. Me that had signed contract with depression and was looking any how suddenly started glowing. Funny enough I became a better person.Took responsibility of my 4childrens fees and food stuffs for the home. As God could have it 2months after I resumed he had serious financial ish and started sending me messages to borrow him small small money up and down. I still did knowing fully well that it was God. Was shocked when I woke up last month and said I didn't have money for anything at home and the first question he asked was "didn't they pay U salary". Now he is not comfortable. Says I am cheating on him. I laugh because working and earning well is my koboko sent from heaven to pepper him.
So poster try and get something doing.Then post beautiful pictures of yourself on Ur SM handles. U might think he is not seeing it but he is and it will be burning him. Go to good locations and take nice pics just to do pepper den gang. Most importantly get a job and make money. God will give you the grace to overcome. Then always PRAY.
This your advice no make sense...She already said she is looking for something to do..no need rubbing it in..
DeleteI agree with you. He is a useless man, make she take lawyer and get child support from him abeg, becos in the future those kids will be asking for their father and he will now carry his big head and answer papa to kids that he didnt care for.
DeleteMadam, will you say you didn't notice his character before marrying him? I may be wrong but I doubt it that you knew. A man can't just change over night.
ReplyDeleteMy husband before I married him has always been a night person. Twenty three years after, he is still like that. Comes back everyday, I mean everyday from 11:30pm. Aside this habit of his, he is the best husband anyone could wish for.
Before we married, he was like this, I thought marriage would change him but na lie. I married at 22 and am 45 years now. At first I was fighting him after marriage but something told me no go kill your self, that's who he is.
Anon 15.41..we dey same boat. I enjoyed it before marriage because we used to hang out and party alot. But having kids have reduced the way I go out but not for him.He is still same
Delete15.41 is he a thief? what does he do out so late? Hope he has done HIV test recently cos sleeping around for 23 years??????? Best husband indeed!!!!!
DeleteAnon 15:41, Congrats for being married for 23 years but I am sorry to say this but talking about before she married him makes no difference. If she saw the signs or not changes nothing at this point what has happened has happened. Either come up with a logical solution and stop victim bashing or just quietly ignore
DeleteSome of you asking didn't you see before marrying are obviously not married. Stop it. Some attitude manifest later. Children pressure alone can make some one change. Not to talk of financial responsibility
DeleteYou did not add one positive message to the poster, even something simple, you just posted your comment to gloat. How does you being married since 22 and your husband being the most amazing husband help the poster in her situation? If you have nothing useful to offer then shut up. Mtschhw.
DeleteIf you check well well now, Na slaps, punches and kicks she dey chop for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now coming here to fake-show off without any tangible advice to offer. My own statement is for my lovely fellow BVs and Stella. If you have any job opportunities, can you please reach out to Stella who can link you up with poster? What poster needs right now is a good job to help her take care of her 4 kids. God bless you all as you help
DeletePitiable.
ReplyDeleteIf those your siblings that paid your rent/kid's school fees have homes/are married
can you plead with them to take care of your kids while you look for something to do. Please stay very close to God in his Word and prayer and do not give in to temptations.
May Jesus make his Grace shine on you.
And if you still have not forgiven this man, you will jeopardize that peace.
No o, with all these sexual abuse stories we hear. No child should be sent to live with any relative. Hold your children close poster, God will provide for you.
DeleteIf posting the story here was your sin.
ReplyDeleteWhy not tell him that you are sorry
but at least let him support his kids?
"I am sorry" doesn't reduce us, it increases us.
See why it’s good to have something going on for you?
DeleteApology or not, he should do the needful.
So she should apologize for what? While he is slinging dick all over the world and breeding up all and sundry, while neglecting his children with financial support she should apologize. What the fck is she supposed to apologize for? What harm did she do to him, nobody knows who tf any of them are, but you posit she should apologize because it will "increase her". She the sufferer and the maligned party in all of this is the one in your fish brain logic is the one who needs to apologize. May you apologize to everyone who offends you and may your name be changed to fool. Mtschhw.
DeleteTiwa Savage, you posted about the evil treatment of women in Nigeria and the need to do more on a personal level. Here is a woman who need a leg up in life. Hopefully, you see her story and get a chance to help her.
Slut, she had a job, her organisation folded up. It's all written up there.
DeleteMadame you are foolish! What?? Act like a fool get what you want till u are stable nah. This is not rocket science
ReplyDeleteI taya oo..the man is not even here
DeleteAnon 15:50 easy with the insult. Do you know what his demands are and you are already spewing rubbish
DeleteGod will see you through
ReplyDeleteAbroad husband. ANG over to you.
ReplyDeleteTo believe a man these days is hardwork. Even in marriage sef!! Getting married in Nigeria with our shitty laws that do not protect the woman is a huge risk.
ReplyDeleteGirl! Don't even say it. I didn't realize how lie men were until my stepfather told me two lies, both twisting of tales to show him in a positive light. He didn't even have any reason to lie to me, but this man warming bench in church every Sunday told me two bold faced lies for no damn reason. Some of them must have been suckled by Satan because they are damn trifling.
DeleteThis man is heartless!!
ReplyDeleteYou abandoned your children,and you are able to carry on like all is well?
I pray you get a job soon sis❤️
Please take the case to welfare or court for proper separation so that they will mandate him to drop up keep money for the children. After all these suffering he will still come one day to claim the children. So pitiable I feel for you. Most men are so heartless that is why I keep saying I don't need them. Wicked souls. The foolish one I married nearly died in a hotel with a woman. When he gave up the ghost, his boys told me that he married the lady. The family has the temerity to ask me to come and explain what happened to their brother. I asked the senior brother that adviced and followed him to marry the girl to go and ask their new wife. 'Ndi uchu'
ReplyDeleteThey will mandate him to drop upkeep for the kids.... ok oo, but the man doesn't even leave with them is he wants to drop the upkeep he will and if he doesn't want what can they do?
DeleteLIVE not leave
DeleteYou would have played along till you save something meaningful. I pray something good comes soon.
ReplyDeleteOnce u give in to his blackmail he sends cash?obviously he cares about his kids then,so kukuma carry them and go drop them off in his parents place,its hard but do that and go sort ur self out first
ReplyDeleteDon't drop your kids poster.
DeleteThere's no need to tell her what she should have done. That's water under the bridge plus she alone knows where the shoe was pinching. Looking ahead now, please stay strong and positive. Maybe Stella can get your details and qualifications and post it in case someone here runs an organization that needs your skills? Who knows whether a reader here could be the link to the job you need? Wish you all the very best. Keep your head up.
ReplyDeleteAnon 16:23 The only reasonable reply here. God bless you. Not all those woulda, coulda, shoulda.
DeletePoster find out if there are recruitment agencies around you, put together your CV ( if your CV needs help there are people on this blog that can help you) Then send in what you are looking for job-wise, I believe Stella and kind BVs can help you into an organisation. If you were/are wallowing in self pity its time to stop and take the bull by the horn, Your kids need you to be strong
Best talk here!!!
DeleteThank you for this.
DeleteThank you for this.
Delete👌👌
DeleteGod bless ur soul 17;15
DeleteMy prayers are with you Dear,
ReplyDeleteDon't give up, Its never easy and it will never be.
The moment you take charge of your life,Its always going to be a battle
To FEED
To pay rent,school fees and so many other things
As the children grow,so also is the responsibility.
I say all of this bcos I know what what you're going through.And yes,the intimidation,blackmails and manipulations are traits these irresponsible men have.Bidding to him bcos of the money you need to care for his children is the edge he has over you.Because he knows you need the money to care for the children.
[What if he is\was dead,will you not try the best way you can to take care of your young ones?]This is what I do personally and it has helped me not to depend on him for anything.
Please,help the children to understand too that things have change but it will not remain that way for long.Save the little you can and start up a business. Seek the help and advises of those who are already in the business so that you can thrive whilst you wait for job opportunities.
The most important decision you've made is taking your life back.
God hasn't given up on you yet.Don't give up on HOPE
The Grace of God will be with you always.His blessings and protection will never depart from your family.
To all the single mothers who break their backs to support their children,putting the needs of their children ahead of their own,God sees all the sacrifices you make.He's blessing you now and will continue to bless and reward all that you do.
As for those Deadbeat Men and Daddy......KARMA is waiting for you
But u still f*ck him???better to be off my life than having him around as an infidel...We ladies could do better...tueh....A guy who isn't ready to be responsible shouldN't be called a man....Tomorrow he will infected una with diseases...A MAN ISN'T YOUR ALL N ALLL...Randy infidel enablers..don't bother replying cuz i won't read.
DeleteNa wa for you o. Your husband wasn't living with you and you could not even play along, act like he was the master, apologise to him and just do whatever it takes to collect money from him? Just look at you now.
ReplyDeleteWomen, please be wise, don't follow the comments of some blog visitors. Some of them are in abusive relationships their boyfriends/husbands beat them and don't even provide for them, yet, they are still there. You will be shocked that these ladies are the ones feeding their their abusive husbands/boyfriends.
The Bible says we should be wise as Serpent and harmless as Dove.
Madam, forget pride. Call your husband and tell him that his children need him. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, he's their father and it's his responsibility to take care of his children.
Tell him to at least pay their school fees, and send feeding allowance. Don't try to carry the burden alone because when your children grow up, they will still call their father "Daddy" so let him play the role of a Daddy in their lives.
Call Him!!!
Thank you. Some women just act like tiger. What is all the stubbornness for. See her address "my children" as if she beget them alone.
DeleteAre they not her children? Stop being petty. Others can choose to act like tiers, you continue being lamb.
DeleteMadam if you were a widow you will still look after your children. If you can bear with your husband's demands , I think you should do so for the sake of feeding your children. But if you are like me, I will cut him off completely and gird my loins and get something doing by hook or by crook. Look at where you live right now. Are there cheap things people need in your area? A women I know in your exact position started selling coal after asking everyone she knows for one thousand naira each. Highly educated and articulate too but she didn't care about what people thought. Now she is doing so well for herself. You may have tried one business and failed but you have to keep on trying until you succeed. Reach out to people you used to work with, relatives, friends, church. This is not the time for pride. Also go to court and get a court order for your husband to send you upkeep. He may not comply but you need it on record. Start saving screenshot evidence of his philandering and clubbing. These are good receipts for the court and for the future. Start thinking please
ReplyDeleteExactly.....So on point
DeleteShut up. Tiger woman. It profits you nothing to sit down and claim the children
Delete18.47 go and sleep instead of displaying your aggression here. Mannerless human being.
DeletePlease stand on your feet. The road would be rough, but don't go back begging, he would treat you worse than he did. You are a very strong and courageous woman, it will definitely end well
ReplyDeleteBe strong woman,there is light at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDeleteYou can petition for child support in the country of his residence. It may be a long drawn out process but it can be done, and have been successfully done. Abroad countries don't joke with family matters and financial neglect of children. You can file even from Nigeria for child support in an abroad country. Please go to a legal clinic or woman focused NGO for assistance. God gave us a brain for a reason. I pray a good job comes along for you. Setup a LinkedIn page if you don't already have one and start networking. Most jobs are not posted these days, but it is through connections that you find out. I wish you all the best and I know deep down that you will rise up from this.
ReplyDeletePls check the office of any National Human Rights commission in your State and report that your Husband neglected his children and wife Welfare. NHRC will compel him to provide for the family and it's a must. Note their services is free. Pls go on Monday.
ReplyDeleteThe most Complex
What do you mean by not business minded? Listen most people have a skill or two that people can pay them for. The easiest one I can think of is food business. Can you make moin moin? Meat pie? Abacha? Go to your friends and ex colleagues and tell them this is what you do and cater that one particular thing you make. In your circle, you know probably 50 people and about half of them can and will support you by spending 250-500 a day every week day.
ReplyDelete25 people x 250 naira x 5days a week × 4 weeks a month is 125k a month. Say 40% of that is your cost, that's still 75k. It's not baller money but some tellers in the banks dont take home that amount.
And if your food is good and your service is reliable, you can grow very fast. Stop saying you're not good at business, you can be good at it if you're willing to work hard and be consistent.
Sha forget about that man you married and live your life. Find a hustle that works and face it, you will make it
You don’t know how fortunate you are! Doesn’t he live abroad? I am sure he married you legally here then went abroad to do arranged marriage. Just send him a simple text that if he does not take care of his kids, you will be visiting his embassy of residence with your lawyers to mandate him to pay child support! This is why I am a fucking bitch! You try to screw me over and I will fuck you up. You try to take food from my kids mouth and you better know I am coming for you.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteYou guys type rubbish. Go to embassy to mandate him to pay child support. Hahahaha.
DeleteWhat abroad is he
ReplyDeleteSome of you don’t know you can hire a lawyer in a foreign country to pursue child support
You can also do it yourself. Just search the court for the state he’s located and find the child support forms online then send it to the court. You’ll likely need his address too though but try even if you don’t have the address
Be resourceful. Call the attorney generals offjce if you live in the u.s. call the embassy
If you have small money, pay a decent attorney
Two Nigerian guys in Munich, Germany. They have children all over Germany, and they were both messing with one kenyan girl. They are hiv postive, and havent told their wives in niaja. There are so many like that abroad. Postee, you will be fine.
ReplyDeletePersonally ma'am, I'll tell you to brace yourself and forget about your husband. It's not even easy pretending just to get financial gains. ABusiness is hard but doing the wrong business is harder. If there's anything you can sell in your vicinity, please do. Some people sell bags of pure water, ice block, food items, noodles and egg, recharge card e.t.c. A lady supplies my sister at home. Just market yourself and with God's grace and favour, you will excel. Even fruit business isn't bad o. Shey one lady here said she supplies hotels fruit and gets paid more than enough. If there is a market nearby or not so far away that you can purchase good shoes and bags from too, you can add it and sell on social media plus you can advertise on here. At least you can feed with the proceeds while you look for a better job. You can have a hidden handwork self o. Just search yourself, you never know what you'll be good at. I empathize with you and I pray things get better for you.
ReplyDelete