Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

THIS IS CLOSURE-TIME TO GROW

Hello Stella,

I have been following the viral rape Saga. I have also been reading lots of people’s opinions on it. It brings up bitter memories that I have been trying to suppress all my life. The abuse I suffered as a child in the hands of people that were meant to protect me.

I was abused at the age of 6 years by my father’s cousin. He was always putting his fingers in my private part and as a child I couldn’t tell anyone. My mother was very strict and I was afraid that she would kill me if she gets to find out. I started avoiding him whenever he came to the house. I summoned up courage one day and bit his fingers so hard that it bled. Since then, he left me alone and eventually stopped coming to the house. 

I met him again on Saturday when I visited my hometown with my husband to attend a burial in their compound. He was all over us, trying to play the role of a good host. I don’t know if he was pretending or if he has forgotten about what he did to me as a child. I honestly felt like telling one of our mobile police orderlies to shoot him dead. I have never told anyone about the abuse, not even my dear husband.


At 8 years, the “brother” called Christopher in our block rosary crusade started his. He was always forcing his lips on mine in the name of kissing me. As a child, I was very quiet. I was always buried in my books. May be that was why nobody knew the agony I was passing through. I was afraid of telling anybody about it because I wasn’t sure what the outcome will be. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and how he wants to make me his. Then one day I remembered how I bit my father’s cousin and warned this “brother” not to ever touch me again. I actually threatened him with a knife. He stopped but went about telling people that I was possessed. Some people actually started avoiding me because of the stories he told them about me.


At 10 years, our neighbor Fidelis who my parents trusted so much started his by squeezing my breasts. I felt pain whenever he did that. I always wondered what was wrong with me. I have 2 older sisters who I don’t think experienced these abuses. My father was always not around as his business was in another state. He loved us so much but I still couldn’t bring myself to open up to him because I was afraid of how he would react. I also don’t know if they would believe me seeing that they trusted him so much. 

I actually fasted and prayed for him to stop. One day, he came upstairs to our flat and seeing that my mother was busy sewing at the verandah, he came to the sitting room where I was reading and attempted to squeeze my breast again. I kicked him in his private part and ran inside. He screamed in agony and when my mother came in and asked him what was wrong, he just pretended to have running stomach and left. That was the last time he ever came to our flat. He moved out like 2 months after.


At 14 years when I was in SS1, my mother’s cousin Emmanuel came to stay with us. I was close to him like my other sisters because he defended us from everything and everybody. I felt that with him around, nobody will dare abuse me again. How wrong I was! One Friday, our parents travelled to the village, leaving myself, my siblings, our nanny and Emmanuel with us. They were to come back on a Sunday. On Saturday night, when everybody was sleeping, Emmanuel came to our room and woke me up. 

I followed him to the sitting room thinking he wanted to discuss something with me. That wasn’t the first time he would be waking me up in the night. He has severally woken me and my oldest sister up in the night before that day to discuss on how to talk to my immediate older sister who was very stubborn and always fighting in school. So that night, I didn’t suspect anything. I followed him to the sitting room. Surprisingly when we got there, he brought out his penis and asked me to massage it for him.

 I was shocked and almost screamed. He covered my mouth and was begging me to please massage it with my hands. When I bluntly refused, he started begging me to suck his penis, that I will enjoy it. At this point. I came out of my shocked state and told him i will report him to my parents. He laughed and said that nobody will believe me. He came close to me and tried forcing me to hold it, i actually held it and dragged it so hard that he screamed. I jumped into the space behind the chairs in the sitting room and laid flat on the floor. My sisters and our nanny rushed to the sitting room to know what happened. As they were asking him what happened, I quickly sneaked back into the room. I heard him lie to them that he was doing night vigil and was only praying. The following morning, he came to apologize to me that it was the work of the devil. I stopped being around him. I wept so many times because of that.

As an adult now, I still remember all these incidents. Whenever I do, I become very sad. It was as if something was wrong with me. I still have mood swings till date. I hardly make friends and I am always indoors. I have never mentioned all these to anyone. I stylishly asked my husband what he will do if he finds out that his wife was abused as a child, he said he will only tell her to move on and forget about it. I don’t know if all these abuses are the reasons why I don’t enjoy s#x. I thought it’s only females who are circumcised are the ones that don’t enjoy s#x.

 I have never experienced orgasm in my life. My husband doesn’t know because I have been faking it. I don’t know how long the mood swings, the fake orgasm and inability to enjoy sex will continue. I sincerely wish things were different. Sometimes I feel unloved, sometimes I feel something is wrong with me, sometimes I feel like opening up to someone. I sincerely wish things were different.



Thank you Stella for this platform. Now that I have opened up, I believe that I will find the closure I seek. I believe it’s time to grow. I believe it’s time to let go.

*please keep me anonymous*

Silent BV

*Indeed it is time to let go,you cannot carry this forever,let go and grow....

I wish everyone else out there with Rape stories the Grace to expand their hearts and forget the bitterness...Its time to grow!!