Hmmmmmmmm.........
CONTENT OK BUT CONTAINER REALLY BAD
I want to know the opinions of the other blog visitors. I am a 6ft tall, 35yrs old working class lady with an average or low salary but from a comfortable home.
I met this guy(I am older with 2years) 4 years ago during a friends child dedication and from the start, I never liked him because of his physical features.
He is short and ugly but he kept coming around whenever I am in town and somehow i got to know he's a really nice person. He's calm, acts matured and handles issues well. Sometimes, it's me that acts irrational and he will apologise. We kinda think and act alike.
I got to find out we share a lot of things in common character-wise. Those negative vibes you get in some guys aren't in him and he is extremely hard working. He loves and respects me too. I decided to give it a try officially 2 years ago, hoping I will start loving him but up till this moment; I still have so much fears (of the unknown) and doubts.
The only problem this guy has that I am not comfortable with are his physical features which is not any fault of his. He's from a poor home though but I know he personally is hardworking and will not be poor forever. I have prayed and all (by the grace of God, I pray and sometimes sees things in the dream but I haven't seen my marriage with my fiance) but I still don't have that excitement that I am getting married.
I thought I would have been over the moon and back because of the marriage thing but what I get is fear. I told a friend of mine in the past that this guy's content is all I want but his container (his physical features) is all I dislike in a guy and the friend said "you can't have it all".
Traditional marriage is coming up this July and I am at a cross road. Has anyone been married without been excited initially? Will the excitement come later in marriage? Has anyone married someone they didn't love and later loved them?
Its a distance relationship for now; will move in after marriage. He's not rich yet; working, hustling and hoping things will change for the better. He is in the legal field and very intelligent. I haven't had penetrative s#x with him yet so it doesn't becloud my sense of judgement and then also I am a Virgin.
This minute I am excited and feel like not loosing him but the next minute, I am not happy. I am scared and my fears are; if I let this good guy go because of his physical attributes, will I still find another great personality like his considering my age(tho I look much younger)? If I should wait, what is the possibility of me meeting someone else soon as I am not the out going type and my workplace is a remote area.
My people ain't mounting pressures but I know my parents will be disappointed too if I don't go ahead because my mum keeps saying the type I want are full of baggage. On the other hand, I am hoping that a guy that was interested in me way back but we didn't get to date then maybe because i was naive and didn't understand love signs before he left the country; contacts me.
I have contacted him once last year thinking it was loss of contact that was the problem but up till this moment, he hasn't reciprocated. I actually saw him in my dreams as the man I will marry before my fiance proposed and it's that one I would have loved to marry though he's short too. I made enquiries spiritually and it was revealed the two guys destinies are close.
What if I marry this my fiance and this other guy later comes? I will be sad. If I loose the both, I will become a sadist. Am I being beclouded by the other guys thoughts; preventing me from opening my heart to love my fiance? Please my family, help a sister. I apologise for the disjointed story......
Thank for your contributions.
*You made enquiries spiritually?WOW,that blew me away....how?through a Preacher?,Jujuman or by yourself in your dreams?
All i can say is that when or if you get to LOVE this man you are complaining of,the ugliness will go away and all you will see is the beauty of love but if you never get to love him,you are embarking on a very short Journey Marriage-wise so dont pack all your bags.
Good luck!!!
There’s always someone out there who we think is better or may make a better partner than our current love interest until we get close to them and find out that they aren’t enough to fill whatever void we are trying to close.
ReplyDeleteFrom your story, the whole age and work thing I’d like to assume that even though there are no pressures from home to marry you still believe that you are ‘ripe’ for marriage and you should settle with what is available but that shouldn’t be the case because marriage is a long time commitment unless of course you intend to run out of it as soon as you get tired.
That abroad guy is not interested, never have I ever seen a man who doesn’t respond to a message from a woman he is interested in so for him not to contact you or respond to your message shows he isn’t interested. If I were you I’d postpone this traditional marriage and think it through. I said “postpone” not cancel, I also think you need to stop harping on the your man is “intelligent and hardworking”. You may think you’re okay now but after marriage you’d realize that both your incomes wouldn’t be enough to carry the home and get mad. You need to re-evaluate your priorities and be sure you want to marry this guy because you’re ready not because you’re “due” for marriage. Stop visiting houses to check destiny and whatnot, they’d only tell you what you want to hear.
Poster, if i knew that guy i'd beg him not to marry you!!
DeleteMarrying a lady with an unstable mindset is ill-advised, i'm sure he has sensed you dragging your feet but hes believing his magic wand will get butterflies in your tummy, scam.... those moths in there wouldnt ever metamophosize into beautiful butterflies, na lie you'd shit caterpillar.
The sex will probably start on an average scale & decline to a chore cus the sexual attraction was obviously non existent, you'd look at the centre of his head subconsciously when u both have an arguement which is inevitable, & he'd hate that & feel oppressed.
Your height will always intimidate him, and he'd have this constant paranoia feeling, cus he doesnt feel the spark in the union, i feel so sorry for short guys, thats why theyre easily pissed & love starching their shirts, at least it raises their shoulder abit.
I'd advice you to apply your brakes, right now ure not sure of where ure going, who drives on stop speed in the fog?
I'd have suggested u toss a coin and choose but you its just this man u have in ur life, the abroad guy exists only in ur head, which yeye signs do u think you missed? Someone cant be nice to you again????
1000 likes.
DeleteYaba left is so right on this. No pun intended.
Delete1,000,000 likes.
DeleteTop-speed
DeleteOne of the wedding night bruhaha was like this yet he blew her brains away that on their first night together. Very funny story. You may fall in love with him later
DeleteYou don’t love your fiancé because he is short, and that’s a huge problem.
ReplyDeleteYou agreed to marry him because time is not on your side...in your words.
Why not look beyond his height and see the great aspects in him?
If you marry this guy, you won’t be happy.
How sure are you that the guy abroad isn’t already married?
Happiness and peace of mind should never be toiled with. Without those, life won’t be sweet to you.
Think carefully before you embark on this journey.... marriage. Good luck dear.
Let him go. Why? You'll treat him badly cos he loves you more and you already feel like a trophy wife. And what happens when you meet your specs?
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am married and trust me that man will look better when he jams correct money and care.
Lies!!
DeleteIf he doesnt add height he wouldnt look good in your eyes, dont take this advice.
This is how some ladies lose a bad man after they will go from church to church looking for what is their fault.
DeleteA man is treating you right but you don’t like him cos he is short. Didn’t you see he was short when you started dating him? If he was rich now, you will even do side chic to him cos you won’t see the height...
Biko, don’t marry that man. You don’t deserve his good heart.
***good man***
DeleteSis i kinda experienced this too. Met this guy,short,smallish but with a very good heart. Liked him for being nice so for that i decided to give it a try. All through our 1year together,i never loved this guy; even though he goes out of his way to please me. I prayed to God to help me love him but it never happened; why,because of his size.I'm the type that appreciates the physical attributes too before looking out for the content. Las las,the relationship packed up. So if your that type that cares about a mans physical appearance,then I'll suggest you let him go. It's better to remain single and hope on God to give you what you want than to go into a marriage that you still feel something is missing. My thought though.
ReplyDeleteIf he was yours and you prayed that prayer, you would have loved and married him. I know cos that's my experience.
Deletein 5 years time ask us the questions again,we will give you a reply...
ReplyDeletenon sense, naija mentality kee you there
DeleteYou are not physically attracted to him. That's also one of the reasons you haven't slept with him not because you don't want you judgement to be clouded.
ReplyDeleteI also can't marry someone I don't find physically appealing.
I tried dating someone like that but I couldn't. His look was so distracting that I avoided him in public. Wouldn't let him peck me and all. Was still trying to manage till he started showing his true colours and I was shocked "how can someone be unattractive and also egoistic. I just left. Based on the content he is good but hope he won't change after marriage? Who knows if he will continue to be loving in marriage.
You also do not love him because if you do, you would have been so swayed by his character(content) that you wouldn't notice his looks any longer after two whole years .
😯😯😯😯
ReplyDeleteNne, that "made inquiries spiritually..." is the deal breaker.
If you left Jesus to seek marabouts, witch doctors, spiritualists,
Satanic "pastors" or other
agents of the devil, that is the more
reason why you are "becoming afraid" of the unknown. 😯😯😯😯😯
You might have parceled your life/eternal life, marriage,unborn kids
etc. and given to the wicked one.
"Being poor, not from a rich home..." is not a faulty character trait...is it?
What to do now?
Why do you ladies wait until things get bad before asking for advise?
I say this because you've "fixed payment of bride price which is the real marriage"
Anyway...see if you can shift it all
and seek to extract/extricate yourself from that "spiritual entanglement first" and be able to
"see".
Yes, family and friends can be disappointed but it will save you a
lot.
And know that even when you get married with this your present
mindset, that "abroad dude" is a time
bomb that can explode anytime. That
one fit get plenty baggage by now as
most Nigerian dudes marry oyinbo to get papers.
The Oyinbo woman like most of you single ladies wants to get married.
📣📣📣📣
I still dont love my husband and this is our 5th yr as a couple with 2 children.truth is I like him as a person and I can live with and tolerate him and tolerance has always been my own criteria when I'm choosing a friend,as long as I can tolerate your flaws then we're good. That does not apply to everyone around. Think about it so u wont blame no1 or yourself in future
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I'm not particular about his look but about how you are feeling. If you're not completely excited about getting married, don't bother doing it. It happened to me two years ago and I'm regretting it now. No much affection before the marriage and it died immediately after the traditional marriage. I've refused to go on with court and church wedding because I'm sure of leaving the marriage. Don't force yourself to be married. if you are not completely sure please don't go ahead with it. My opinion though
ReplyDeleteI wi rather pick a guy that habe content than container
ReplyDeletePoster u mean u are a V @ 35years 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 kudos
Abeg leave all these secondary/university virgins, if u know wetin them don do, you wey de chop for 10yrs sef never do am.
DeleteAnon 15:50 I'm with you on this o.. 😂 Who them epp sef
DeleteUnrelated...but, I see so many people use this word wrongly (poster, included) and want to bring attention to it.
ReplyDeleteSADIST: a person who derives pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or humiliation on others. People who engage in BDSM; serial killers; rapists etc. can be described as so.
The correct term to use in this situation would be SULLEN or SURLY which means "an unfriendly, bad-tempered or depressed mood".
Thanks
Maybe its coz u are 6ft, any guy below 6ft is automatically short.
ReplyDeleteHow many fit ya bed dey?
Delete😜😜😜😜😜😜
Trus, she's quite tall. I'm 5'6 so tall for me is anything from 5'11 up. My best friend is 6ft so to her everyone is short umless you're 6'2 and above. But I feel she doesn't love the guy, cos sometimes you meet someone outside your spec and still love them.
DeleteI'm sure if he was from a popular and wealthy family, has his own stupendous riches, you won't even notice ugly for one second. If you don't want, leave him alone so someone who will fully appreciate him can snap him up.
ReplyDeleteI feel eternally sorry for any man waiting for a confused woman to make up her mind, whats even worse is the type that'd give u greenlight & still a closed heart, if i sense such i'm gone!!!
ReplyDeleteDont ever marry this man with a "what if" in your mind..
Thats all i'd say!
Make sure all chapters are closed, and hes the one & only man you'd rather be with
I'm a woman and have also beem in the position of waiting for a man to make up his mind which is even worse. Of course I had to end it. Life is just, life. Sometimes you don't love them, sometimes they don't love you.
DeletePoster, if you push this guy away because of his height which is no fault of his.
ReplyDeleteYou will regret it later. I'm not against you but write today's date down. You will remember it in future.
Open your heart and mke attempt to like him. Overlook his physical deficiency.
I know what I'm saying ooooo
Yes poster dont do it, i know the age is a factor but i think its better to wait for someone u are attracted to at least 90% then u can ignore the remaining 10% of his flaws but from all indications you are not attracted to this man at all which can be a problem in the long run. I think you should contact that abroad guy shoot your shot straight and know where he stands what do u have to loose anyways and also u can satisfy your curiosity know if he is available or not so you can see road clearly. This current guy has a lot of flaws that u see that i fear may drown you after marriage. Yes parents will say anything to get you married right now 'about you not having it all' but they are not the ones that will leave in the marriage with you. It is well poster i can imagine how you feel but i pray if this man is not yours that your own destined husband will find you sooner than later. I PRAY THIS FOR MYSELF AND ON BEHALF OF EVERYONE WAITING ON GOD (AMEN)
ReplyDelete🙆🏽
ReplyDeleteI just want to say one thing, as a women NEVER feel guilty about being attracted or seeking good looks.
ReplyDeleteMen ALWAYS want to be seen with the best and have a loooooong list of specs.
Why shouldnt you??????
You need to see the comments they make about women they classify as not 'fine'.
As if they can manufacture a lump of excreta.
Thank you ooo. This is why I don't feel pity for unattractive guys. Their standards are the highest. I am sure the poster is beautiful that's why he wants to die there, because he can't pretend not to know that she doesn't love him. I am sure he can see the signs but he has refused to find his level look-wise. These men always over reaching.
DeleteOk na you all should keep waiting for what makes your nipple hard, by the time it arrives, MEN have PAUSEd to knock on your door, that hard nipple will remain hard and no kid to suck it
DeleteAnon 17:21 Its too late sugar. I already have my KING😘. So that your prayer up there about no man and no kid is for you alone and not me. Because I am already married to the man I desired and who truly deserves me because he his worth it, in "EVERY WAY". He is someone on my level. Yes I said it! So carry your hot body away from my post.
DeleteThat was how that unattractive guy who wanted a lady above his league told me at age 24 that I won't get any man to marry me when I clock thirty🤣(like men are scarce)
To say he was shocked when he saw my hunk of a man, is an understatement. Got married at 30 (because I am extremely choosy 😋) to a man(38) who walked just right out of my dreams. Never being married, biracial (if I tell you his job you will collapse or start begin for employment) who married me within a few months: that should tell you how indispensable I am.
I know my worth and I always go for the best in LIFE. Not every Tom dick and Harry who comes close to me.
Be acting like you are the only ones allowed to have standard.. You hear? Trying to scare women into marry anyhow like you don't have your own standard.
Please can I ask some questions?
ReplyDeleteBetween your fiance and Ned who is uglier and between this your bobo and oshomole who's taller?
The only thing I see here is the fact that oga no get money and comes from a humble background so for you the future is filled with uncertainties.
Trust typical Nigerian ladies if that dude was loaded to the teeth you'd be the one making excuses for his outward appearance aswear.Follow your heart dear because laslas na una two go dey the dey when una marry make you no send us a rejoinder to this chronicle.
Poster out cannot Ave everything in one package, that is true but it will be bad to marry someone you don't love. Never you marry someone out of pity, fear of not getting another lover, fear of age not on your side. Marry him cos he completes you, makes you happy, gives you happiness, joy and peace of mind. If you are not happy with his physical attribute now when will you be proud of him to show him off to the world? You may fall in love with him after wedding and you may not fall in love with him after wedding. If you don't get to love him, it will be hard for you to respect him, if you cannot love and respect a man marriage cannot last.
ReplyDeleteIf you waited this long and finally enter one chance in marriage my dear you will hate yourself and probably kill yourself. Do not rush, make sure you are ready to accept him the way he is, trust me after wedding you will be his other part that will make you throw up. but you are in love with him all his short coming will be right in your eyes. You are the one to leave with that man and not your friends, follow your heart.
If you are not excited about getting married to him, my sister you are digging your own grave. Good luck
Ugly and short men when they make money are the worst cheats o. Because they will cheat openly to make up for years of low self esteem and to prove something to themselves and other men. I wouldn’t recommend you marrying someone you don’t love and think is beneath you. Because when the insult comes you’ll feel much worse. You’ve come this far without dying. I know being single in a marriage obsessed country can be tough, but consider that even if you marry at 40 and die at 50 or 60 (Godforbid), everyday for 10 or 20 years is too long to be married to the wrong person. It’s hard enough being in a loveless marriage with someone who is wealthy, imagine doing it with someone who is broke (no offence, just speaking facts here)
ReplyDelete@ Anonymous 16:14, kai nah you, biko. This your answer ehn, na the real koko of the matter. Beta pikin
DeleteEnter your comment...Poster i am on this table with you.I am a little above 4ft,he's only slightly taller..My spec has always been tall.Now i keep asking myself why i just can't say yes to this guy and i keep running back to his height.I like him and really enjoy his company,a husband material indeed.Even when the butterflies come,i suppress them😥😥I just tell myself but this is not what i wanted,why am i falling.
ReplyDeleteDon't marry someone you don't love, Period.
ReplyDeleteThe irony is men would dismiss a girl for her looks and even her financial background and no one complains, but the moment a woman does that, she is made to feel like a demon esp when she's 30 and above. Reminds me of one guy that was telling people he wanted a wife with a degree whereas he didn't even go to school. People he told started interviewing babes o. Rubbish.
Na so na....
DeleteYou sef set ur standard, but dont 4get it all favours men at the end
Leave this guy and wait for your total package, abroad lover to come and marry you since no one is pressuring you into marriage.
ReplyDeleteLet someone that will appreciate this short and ugly man locate him I peace, since you don't feel anything for him.
Go and wait for your abroad guy Plesse.
Poster forget that aboad guy, is not working and it is not going to work because he has someone already and he is living his life. I worry because of this guys physical attributes. If you don't love him now it will be difficult for you to love him in future. Anytime he upset you, you will blow it out of proportion and regret will set it. Drink water, take a deep breath and think. Good luck
ReplyDeleteMy concern is that you fixed wedding date when God is silent. Sometimes, God is silent cos He expects you not to be a blockhead, to know that He doesn't approve. You've prayed and got no reply, so you decided to do as you like. You gonna cry in the marriage and it may not be as a result of his looks. Afterall, fine people get fat, fall sick and have accidents when they're already married. That's not really an issue but marriage isn't what you should enter without hearing and confirming "Yes" from God, preferrably in triplicate. Those that really hear God still face challenges, not to talk of you that God hasn't answered. God didn't speak, so you're filling in the silence with your own voice and those of others you say are friends and family. See you, see regret loading. You're legit about to marry someone else's husband.
ReplyDeleteStop being desperate; if you allow your mother pressure you, she will not cry in the marriage with you - I guarantee you will cry, it's not a curse. And stop being silly - going to compare destinies or whatever is ugly witchcraft. You will enter the wrong hands.
She has actually heard from God. That negative feeling is a sign. Anything u don't have peace in doing something don't do it
DeleteI tolerated my boyfriend and he became a husband. Worst part is I didn’t know what he was feeling. I was trying so hard to make it work. Now it’s become worse. I don’t want him to even touch me..,,he spent years ignoring me now my feelings are dead inside. I don’t even know how to begin to pray about it because in some way I’m trying to find my peace and sanity in this thing called marriage.
ReplyDeleteWish I had been wiser. No spark. No attraction. No kisses. No hugs. Just flat mates. Marry someone you are compatible with. Anything other than that and you will be sad wondering why you chose wrong.
Go for spiritual counseling with Pastor Fatoyinbo. He will help you. Don't forget to wear an iron pant and bra with locks
ReplyDeleteThe lady I dey eye is doing NYSC but by all accounts lives well above her means. The parents no get and she no dey work. I tear race o. I suspect coded runs.
ReplyDeletePoster I was exactly in your shoes and all my fears were confirmed. I had fear and wasn't excited before the marriage and i thought i was the problem. No my dear, this is just a sign that this guy is not for u. I didn't have the courage to beak up d engagement for fear for of "will I get a better guy", hope i am not too picky. I couldn't even enjoy sex cos the attraction wasn't there which made me so tight during sex. Then d guys bad attitude and violence emerged. Long story short I am ģdivorced after two years and I wished I had stuck to my guns when i had those negative feelings.pls don't go ahead with d marriage
ReplyDeleteI am in these shoes but im just so scared
DeleteIt is worse being a divorcee talking from experience. Wait if u r not sure
Delete