Jesus!!!!
ABROAD HUSBAND
I met my husband in 2013 as national service personnel, he didn't have anything, I supported him in everything he wanted,I bought provisions, food,paid bills for him and even gave him pocket money.
Mind you,I was also a national service personnel. But I sacrificed all my money for him and his family, anytime I come down to his place I buy foodstuffs and clothes for his mum and I cook for him and his family. After national service, I got a very nice job and because he wasn't working, I had to combined another job to mine so that I can take good care of him.
He was staying with his parents in a compound house,and it was compulsory for every tenant to sweep for one week including him,so when it's time for him to sweep, I go there to sweep for one week for him while his sister and mum was there. I did everything for him,when he was hospitalized for one week ,I was there by his side at the hospital for one week. He got discharged and I was also there,I scrubbed his parents bathroom and clean their toilet anytime I go there.
Fast forward in 2016 we got married traditionally because he wasn't working, we really suffered in the marriage when I took in but his parents also supported us in a little way. After I gave birth,God blessed him with a job and things were normal . He applied for a visa and it bounced twice,so I told him that he should not tell anyone about it not even his parents. We started praying every night and one day he was given a three months visa,I didn't know that will be the beginning of my problems. Stella,my husband promised me that he will call me every day, be closer to me than ever,will never be ungrateful to me.
When he got there and he entered into the UK Army, he wasn't calling me so I complained to his parents, and my husband said I don't respect him and anytime he calls me I insult him!! Me , insult you for what?
The pressure I go through every day in the family house with his mum and sister nobody can imagine. I apologized for peace to reign because I love him, he will tell me that and I quote ...''you will never have me in your life, I am a changed person, you will suffer.'' Then I asked him that what I done to him,he will not mind me,as I am typing this he has blocked me on WhatsApp and calls,he only calls his family. He told me he will come down in December but now he said he doesn't know when he will come back. And I am still in the family house with his parents.
Yesterday, I gifted my mil a mother's day present and all that she said was ''put it down'' not even thank you. She doesn't talk with me again because I complained that my husband doesn't call me anymore.
Please Stella help me and your bvs ,I really need your advice on what to do. My parents said I should wait for 2 years before they can come in because we young couples I am 28 and he is 30 years old.
'Hmmmmm I think you should move out of that family house and give them all space.....your hubby may have married someone to have his papers and that is why he is cooking up a concrete reason to quarell....
Sorry about your situation but i advice you to do nothing...get a place of your own and move out before you are thrown out oh cos that is where this is heading to......
And you cannot enter the UK army with a three months Visa..BIG LIE!
Shebi when Queen and boss talk all of us dey abuse her. Don’t help a poor man we won’t listen! Issorite...
ReplyDeleteSee all the busy you did just to get a man. Ngwanu marry naa. Women!!!
Please pack out of that house and start thinking how you will make it in this life. You are young, another man will come.
The problem is most of these ladies are not nice to others but when they meet a man you would think they are mother Theresa.
DeleteDon't marry a man who still lives with his parent, una no go here. You literally turned your self into a house girl before you even married him that is why he's treating you anyhow now that you are "Married". Your hubby played you, he's fucking another woman in the abroad.
DeleteIf you have your money, get yourself another apartment, and move out of the demeaning mother inlaws house, because if you don't move out, you'll loose your self esteem completely and when its gone, you'll feel pity for yourself and want to end it all.
No man is worth dying for. Move out, and get your grooves back. Your hubby played you the way Liverpool played Barca.
My goodness! I’m sorry not sorry. I read this with so much disgust. The very day women, Nigerian women especially start to be logical in their reasoning just like men, we would declare a national public holiday.
DeleteHow did you do all this for a man. You two were barely making ends meet and you took it upon yourself and decided to be the mother Theresa of those struggling in Nysc in the name of loving girlfriend shioooor!
I have no words for you. You made your in-laws disrespect you from the get go, by trying to be likeable to them, you made your broKe run away husband believe you were his ride or die when he was not really invested in the relationship .
My advise will be, that you receive sense and act accordingly using your head and let your emotions lay to rest!
Ha. Madam u try o. U did all this for LOVE? Jesus got nothing on u dear.
DeleteIll go with Stella on this one. I cant stand wickedness this loud. But then again b sure ure done with the marriage (thats if there still exist one) cos if u step out ure never gonna b allowed in. Them go tag u bad woman who ran out of her matrimonial home. Be strong and b prepared. Ure young and u can still find TRUE love.
Stella, you can enter UK army even without papers. They are always looking for people. That is the fastest way to get stay in UK, but you might go to war.
DeleteGhanaian for sure! R u married to a Nigeria? Girl he still loves u but needs to settle 1st, he may have married a white woman like Stella said. Move out for peace and stay away from them
DeleteGIVE A MAN MONEY ???? Over my dead body. They ain't worth it.
DeleteIf I borrow my bf 20k on Sat, by Monday 9am he has returned 25k with interest.
For 1week now the MF hasn't called me nor pick my calls for whatever reason without no fight, they are unpredictable. In my mind I have moved on.
Lol, what I sense here is a sense of entitlement. Poster you are not say the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I sense you have a very bad attitude and you have been hiding it. If a man blocks his wife she most have been giving him headaches, you said he calls you every day till things change, I believe you have been paranoid while on the phone with him, ur lack self esteem, your unsecured. Your fear of the unknown pushed your husband away from you. All family members can’t be bad, you most have a friend with one or two of them, if they are all bad then something is really wrong with you. You are your own problem. I see you as one of those people be it man or woman that constantly remember their man or woman of all what the have done for them. You feeling of the family owes you is the problem, all you did was not for love, you did it for your selfish gain.ur the type that says pay me all have spent on you. Next time what ever you do for someone, donut out of free will, shun entertainment. And all those that’s sayvygey never give a man money. Na una sabi with that. How he fonevtske help una? Some have and are happily married to that sane man, while some dint and are alone and very old. Live your life and leave others with theirs .
DeleteNot all men sha, very few are good. My sisters husband didnt have for years and when he got a good job, he bought her a jeep and bought a landed property too. she controls his finances.
Delete@Tessybaby , that one na family house not her matrimonial home, She shud get hersef a place for sanity sakes.
DeleteNever be a nice girl for a broke ass man and broke ass family members. it never pays off. Imagine the rubbish you're going through with an ungrateful family members just like that silly girl that want to beat her sister in law in today's ihn. I know a girl is also doing national service and feeding broke boyfriend and his people right now. Una no dey hear word. Mtscheew
ReplyDeleteWe go gree hear word?
DeleteI couldn't even finish reading,
DeleteHmm I'm speechless.
You need to see my face while reading. God forbid. Why do all that for a guy? Its because of all you did, thinking you are doing the best thing they are treating you like this. You brought yourself very cheap for them.
DeleteHis mother is not a good mother at all.
Take Stella's advice oo, because this family will show u pepper
Poster I am not sorry to say this, you are a STUPID girl.. at just 28 years of age you've sacrificed your whole life for a man on what ground if I may ask?
DeleteIf you were my sister you for hear wehn for my hand.
Be acting like a toddler There, don't take control of your life before it goes South finally.
Chronicles like this annoys the shit out of Me, we read these kind of things with all the accompanying advise every now and there yet you still make the same mistake. Mtschewww.
Babes,give them the middle finger and leave that fucking house.
ReplyDeleteBlock him also
Why do you girls keep babying men up and down? what is wrong with you? please I beg you, get out of that house, if you still have a job please get a place for yourself.
Deleteyou were so desperate to be with this guy at a young age i can't even understand it, and the truth is he no longer interested in you but doesn't want to come out and say it.
Just pack your things and leave, it's very obvious you have over stayed your welcome.
My father says "over availability always leads to disrespect" and they now disrespect you.
Lord please make my daughter have sense please Lord.
with all we have preached on this blog, you still make marriage a do or die affair.
how do you get 3 months visa to the UK and join the British Army? sounds like a long tale of lies. he is probably working as a doorman or a local supermarket and is trying to get a British woman to get married to. he can't even come back because he is an illegal immigrant. wait till December if you can and after that, find your way.
ReplyDeleteDecember is too far abeg!
DeleteShe should wait till dec to be officially thrown out? Great.
DeleteHe is not lying, and I know this because, I know more than 10 people who joined the army even with expired 3 months vista's. Poster move on though. Some of u are just so stupid. He wasn't working, so u added another job to yours, so u can take care of his family. Why didn't he find a job, even if it is a cleaner, but no, u decided to double your job. Why go sweep for them? They don't respect you, cos you don't respect yourself.
DeleteSupport your man,support your man is the biggest scam of the century. Yoruba adage says"iwa oniwa ni talaka mawu" you can never tell the true character of any man until the man made it. Poster,pls count your losses and move out of that house if not the way they will throw you out will be epic. Leave them for God. Continue to work on yourself and your progress in life. Let the best revenge be success.
ReplyDeleteIf I haven't said this before, I'm saying it now, I love you girl! #nohomo.
DeleteThank you for saving me the stress of typing.
Quick question, where do you ladies meet such men?
You're only 28, why short change yourself?
Most of you come here to read, cuss or laugh. I've learnt a lot here. Ladies, save yourselves by learning from other people's mistake. #enoughsaid.
Thank you cassie!!! They just won't learn. This kind sufferhead for a man, not even your siblings at just age 28.
DeleteIya o tii pa e lori to.
You sacrificed all your money for a boyfriend and his parents that have hands and legs to work. I'm sure you never remembered your own parents while you were on your sacrificial pilgrimage.
ReplyDeleteThe deed has been done. You have been used as a sacrificial lamb to his success. The man levelz has changed. Leave the house and pursue success. That is your only revenge. God will help you.
Clear case of see finish
ReplyDeleteOver familiarity causes a lot of issues with in laws
As for your hubby, he's simply ungrateful
This Chronicle left me livid ,
DeleteNa wa o
My heart bleeds for u.....Trully it does. I read a poem a long time ago where pepetrators of war crimes like rape justified their actions that it was during war. And the writer said that war did'nt make u do that ...but they had always been a rapist they just needed an outlet. Poster ...this is who ur husband has always been but he was broke and down hence. He is probably better off than he was so the person he always was has manifested. So move on. Pack ur brokeness, ur things and move on
ReplyDelete. Plz move on before u be like my Aunt and u turn 40, and u realised u spent ur youth waiting for a man who never was. Am begging u, with everything in me. Plz move on.
He married you out of sympathy just because of all those things you were doing for them. E no take clear eye marry you. You have never been his spec for marriage, he never loved you. Period
ReplyDeleteUnless she is physically repulsive in some way and felt no other man would look her way so she latched on to this one as her only hope. The things she did defied all imagination for just a girlfriend. If women go to this length to land a broke, poor, sick and unemployed man what will they do for a healthy, rich king. Her actions make women look like slaves. She has cheapened the value of womanhood based on her expression of love, and on an unworthy man at that.
DeleteHe didnt marry her. She married herself. How can a man who is jobless pay a woman's dowry? Na teeth?
DeleteExactly @ anonymous 15:13. My thoughts exactly. I strongly believe that was what played out. Just pick up your self and start all over again. You will be fine las las
DeleteRegular tales of a woman who married a broke man* sighs*
ReplyDeleteThat ceaser or whatever should come and see a woman that stood by her husband but ended up in shame. Later you will be fuming from mouth like an epileptic patient calling women unprintable names. Come and see blind bat oshi.
ReplyDeleteCaesar will be conveniently absent from the internet as a while today.
DeleteNonsense
Caesar condemned something like this sometime back.
DeleteCeaser will come tomorrow and tell you how buhari and fashola refused to make us enjoy lught.
DeleteThe ceaser need deliverance. I just jump and pass his comments.
Yabaleft should help him. Hw might know someone who will treat him fast m
Even yaba is in need of his medication🤣
Deleteshe even swept, washed toilet, bathroom, buy food and I'm sure you also washed for them. You're still washing sef. You still bought mother's day gift. You are a dunce and you don't love yourself.
ReplyDeleteSo people get 3 months visa to UK...Anyways you acted too desperate that's why he taking your love for granted
ReplyDeleteWhatever the case may be, I know one thing for sure his family doesn’t want you in the house with them . Just move out for now. Stay with your family stay with a friend get your own place whatVer just move
ReplyDeleteMadam you are just 28; move out now and start your life over again. The one you are calling husband has moved on you to do same.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to tell you that, that man never loved you. You were just his future plan B. Consciously or unconsciously to him. Now he's "made" it in life,
*he doesn't need a maid (which you were to him and his family). He can afford one.
*he doesn't need a meal ticket (you were that too). He can buy his own food now.
Now its about time (to him) to live the kind of life he always dreamt of living (his plan A). Unfortunately you are not in that plan because you were too busy giving everything to this man when you guys were together that, you didn't allow him to show you who he really is or what you truly are to him without your support or what you brought to the table. So you see my dear sister, its painful but wake up, and work on yourself to be successful. That's the best revenge you can give yourself. And oh I pray for you this day, that you will find yourself and be more successful than you can ever think or imagined. That hou will look back to this moment and thank God for letting go because you would have realized, had it work with him you wouldn't have had the beautiful life you are living.
You can make it dear God is still on the throne.
Imagine still buying your mother in law a mother's day gift, after how they treat u. Did you buy one for your mom? Poor people are the problems of this world, so never marry one. They are fetish, always wants to be treated with some special respect, they sit back and depend on just one family member, they believe someone is the cause of their problems, never accept they are lazy, I can go on and on and on...
DeletePoster
ReplyDeleteI think he married over there for papers that is why he abandoned you so you don't put sand in his garri.
He is forming quarrel so that you will leave him alone before his wife over there will catch him.
Do you have a child? If NO, move out and move on with your life. If YES, remain with them and let them use their hands to throw you out with your child. Meanwhile, ignore their bad behaviour, make yourself happy, make money, make more money and save. Do things that makes you happy, take good care of yourself and still give them their respect.
Give them what respect? Respect only those who respects you. That man is never coming back for u. Move on with or without a child.
DeleteShe should stay there for what? So she drinks sniper because of the accompanying depression? Poster if next month meets you in that family house then you are not serious.
DeleteThis is why some people don't like enduring any form of stress with any spouse cos they can just change at any time.
ReplyDeleteMadam, hope you didn't quit your job? Get your own place but don't move out just yet before they will see it as a reason to end the marriage. It is well with you.
An Ode will always be an Ode,poster you are stupid
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahaha
DeleteNo poor man is humble especially one that comes from a retched family, nothing you do makes them satisfied especially their family always acting like you look down on them. Leave that ingrates and move on. Stop slaving for any man but mumu ladies never listens, tomorrow another bv even after reading this will still fall mugu, men prefer and enjoy strong women.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Povert makes them look humble for a while until they manifest their true colours with small small change they call wealth.
DeleteLadies, receive sense Abeg.
Poster, you have cheapened yourself amongst them and you're getting the spit you asked for.
How did you fool your parents into allowing you marry him in the first place? Hyping or TONTOED? Wharefaaa pls!!!
If he's truly in the UK Army, then I don't think he needs to marry for papers, The Army should be responsible for that, yea? Not quite sure how it works over there.
ReplyDeletePoster, U try oo! U should have adopted a baby to train na, U actually did all of these for a grown man with no deformity? is this one love? Jeez! I don't even think any man truly in love with a woman will allow her do half as much as U did for him... This is sad though!
Like Stellz said, please move out already, for the sake of ur sanity... His Mum has already started giving U the attitude, trust me, it's just the beginning of worse things to happen to U in that house. Ur parents sef re funny, asking U to wait 2yrs before they can weigh in, like what da heck!
Nne, so long as there's a God who lives in heaven, U will never suffer for doing good, he shall eat his words back someday. Do not harm urself please, for this phase is finished, launching U into another... Always remember how dark it gets before morning, console urself with it, the Lord will give U strength to forge on okay?
As for me, I would never accept an ungrateful man back in my life, no matter what I may have done for him in the past...
Another marriage without Love..
ReplyDeleteHe married you because he was broke and the little help he was getting from you..
Look at where the result of your good deed..
Kpele
The family members don't even Love you,their Love is based on the things they are getting from you..
Shine your eyes..
Wait till December and see what will happen...
Marriage on deceit..
May God fix it for you..
It may not be easy,but move out of that house. That is exactly what they want and that is why they are behaving like that. Your hands are clean and God will fight for you. By the time they want you back,God would have given you a better Man. Leave,for your own good.
ReplyDeleteThat part of being in UK Army caught me. With 3months Visa. A big vabu, a very BIG LIE. He probably knows you dont know how things work in Uk that's why he can fool you.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you cannot join UK Army with visiting visa. He is hustling, maybe attaching himself as run boy for someone in Uk. He can't do any decent job with visiting Visa unless not on his name. They normally buy it and it's expensive. Considering his condition, where did he get money to buy "PALI" in such a short time?
Just movevout of that house and get going. Ungrateful people. He will regret it when they deport him. By then i expect you to get hold of yourself and have a good life. The best revenge is SUCCESS. I see nothing coming out of your relationship with him. He is a bad record.
I repeat he cannot be in UK Army. IMPOSSICANT!!!!
Ask questions before you jump to conclusion.
DeleteImpossicant times 2 sef.
DeleteDumb and still relishing in his/her dumbness, I am not surprise, that’s how most of you commentators are on here and your name is posh? Lol
Delete2yrs is too long for you to wait.
ReplyDeleteJust start saving some money
The loyalty of a broke man is questionable... Upon all the suffer u suffered for him n, his mom self, she no try, what is wrong with some families? Come, give them space n if u have a daughter, drum your experience into her ears.
ReplyDeleteWake commot for that house,,that your husband family will soon throw you out,so leave now,and forget that man,he doesn't love you, he was just there for help,now that he has made it ,u are not is type,so forge ahead ok and be successful they we come begging forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteMy dear,don't wait for any two years oh,you alone knows what you are going thru and no one can live their live for you and neither can you,please I beg of you make a quick decision now to leave or else you will find it difficult to do so after two years,before you know it you are rolling in their shit after ten years God Forbid that. Thank God you are working,get a room self con,get a good school for your child and live your life,please take this advice from someone who has been in your shoes and don't be waiting for them lots to change.I wished I saw someone gave me this kind of advice about twenty years ago and I would have retraced my step.I saw a younger me in you hence the need to comment because I don't usually do when it comes to chronicles,be warned and open your eyes well so that you can see your nose because it is your happiness that matters at the end of it all.
ReplyDeleteI agree with every word of this advice. Poster, please take it from another one who was even more foolish than you. Run now. The man is never coming back for you. You are on your own o!
DeleteThen you must be the most foolish for saying someone is foolish.It is a done deal now and everyone is better for it.Fool,foolish and foolisher anony,RadaRada😏😏
DeletePoster, pls take this advise.
DeleteNothing good will come out of that mess you have put yourself in called "see-finish marriage ". Get out while you can with your sanity intact.
Thanks Wealthy Methuselah 👍🏽. I'm sure you're better off where you are now?
Ladies never learn. You did all these because you wanted him to marry you. ?Where did your self esteem go?
ReplyDeleteI doubt you're ready to break free from this bondage.. because of you were, you would've ran away a long time ago to get your sanity back.
Who do some women like this?
Hahahahaaa, na so I do bfor. I struggled wit a poor man,helped him wit over 5million to start a business. I just finished licking my wounds and paying off debts last December. Bcos the man left me wit pregnancy and has never sent a dime. Guess what? I've moved on, gotten another man but currently ignoring him cos he is stingy, I tell myself am single. If he doesn't change, I port, simple. Poster never kill yourself on top man matter. Move out and on, the one that loves u will come. But, lemme ask u, do u do same for ur ppl? As in cooking, cleaning, giving money etc cos u seem like those not too fine girls that gum body for man,check that side else it will continue. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteOP, you've been played by your husband, your husband's people including his mother. The best time to do this is now, the best time to move out of your mother inlaws house is now before its too late.
ReplyDeleteIf its late, you'll loose your self-esteem completely in which you've already lost 28% of it.
Get an apartment for yourself and move the hell out. That man is ungrateful and I'm sorry to say, your husband has gotten another wife in the Abroad.
Don't worry about nothing. His family is obligated to him not you. Lucky are those who marry into a families where the in-laws really see them as their own, it is very rare. When you are no longer useful to ppl you will see who they truly are. Forget what you did in the past. Learn to love with dignity, you loved him like you were his purchased slave, what business was it of yours to go do his sweeping. Go and get a job, Move closer to your parents so your child has family close by and forget about those ppl. Just like you told him to be quiet when he applied for the visa, leave quietly same way. If it is possible to leave without anyone knowing then do it that way and change your telephone number. Make something of your life, you have age on your side. He thinks he is in the abroad and you will never leave Nigeria, but he will live to see you right where he is and in far better condition than he left you. Use his rejection as motivation, elevate yourself for the sake of your child. File for a divorce, he is an ungrateful wretch who is unworthy of any woman's love. Let them know he ran off in the UK on his Visa and you have not heard back from him and feels he is dead. He cannot respond to any divorce petition nor will he jeopardize his opportunity abroad by responding, so you have a clear way to cut out of the marriage and be free of him and his people.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for this advice Anon. If only SDK blog was available to me 20 years ago! Poster, please I am begging you, move on with your life. God will visit you miraculously. I am living proof.
DeletePoster, read and digest this comment!
DeleteLearn to love with dignity, never again lose yourself in loving a man, that man will see you as a rag and step all over you. It doesn’t matter how much he seemed to love you in the beginning. It is better you lose yourself in God than to lose yourself in loving a male homo sapien
This poster has no self worth at all.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason he married you and his family welcomed you, was because of your financial benefit.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it beclouded his sense of judgement. Or he is amongst the greedy lot looking for who to leech on.
Now that he is financially bouyant, he can now see 'clearly' to make his choice or reveal his real person.
The mistake has been made.
The mother also, dosent need your money, so she can also reveal her real character.
If you can lock up, pls do. Love yourself and your child(ren) and save for the future. (Hope you are still working).
If he comes and divorces u, better for you. Cos you don't need that kind of man in your life.
You are young and the future is bright. Don't be afraid of tommorrow, cos God got your back.
I will suggest you get your own place, for your peace of mind and sanity.
Kpele....
ReplyDeleteHe who fetches ant infested firewood has invited....
hope I type'am well.
Just negodu
ReplyDeleteI have a simple question ooo, did you buy your own mum a happy mother's day present? ?
ReplyDeleteWhile you were taking very good care of of this man amd his family, did you look after your own siblings? I wonder how you people do it, I cant imagine myself giving any man my hard earned money, maybe it's bcos I'm broke sha.
The deed is done, read all the comments, take the good advice and work with it. I have no advice for you.
So you've been on this since you were more 22yrs old..what nonsense desperation was that..nne where were your parents all these while. I must marry before my mates syndrome. I feel like dashing you one correct slap..married woman my ass. Dumbass
ReplyDeleteInvesting in others is not an issue, but investing in people with expectation of any form of returns is a big delusion (kukuma invest in money market instead). Secondly, investing in others while more than yourself is the worst of all. (only your children deserves that)
ReplyDelete"Investing in others more than yourself is the worst of all (only your children deserve that)"
DeleteI beg to disagree with your statement to an extent o. Some children grow up and become ungrateful to their parents who sacrificed some much for them. I had a colleague who was complaining bitterly because his parents asked him to contribute for feeding in his house. That's all the parents requested of him. And he was living with his parents! Mind you, this person is earning close to 200k. This kind will forget all about his parents' welfare once he leaves the house. Sadly, there are more increasingly selfish youths today. So women, please as you're training your children, don't forget to invest in yourself. Children are not your retirement plan
This is an annoying chronicle.
ReplyDeleteJust in 2013 you were taking 💯 percent care of a man?!.
What was/is wrong with you.
Were you that desperate?..
How many times do we need talk about not taking care of a man?
Kindly move out of that place,the man and his people are shameless users.You gan sef,why did you turn yourself to maid/motherchristmas?
ReplyDeleteYou have simply outlived your usefulness and they want to use attitude to frustrate you out,move out quietly with your head held high!It's not worth it and please don't waste 2 years waiting for your parents to act,if he has shown you who he is please believe him.It is hard but you have to find yourself again,you will be happy again...just not with this man and his people.They didn't force you to do anything so just count your losses and move on.You will be fine ok?
While you were doing all these for him and his family, what did you do for your own family?
ReplyDeleteYou were being tolerated,not loved!
You are 28 years old and you still have a lot of years ahead.Go and rent your own house and move away from his ungrateful family.
Give him 2 years,if he doesn't act like a good husband and father to your child,count your losses and move on.
Move out before they turn even more nasty or diabolical on you. They now see you as an impediment to their son's future. Many of us have been very very stupid and done things for men that they don't deserve. Do not repeat your mistakes but focus on yourself and your child. Success is the best revenge. Be so determined to make it in life and give your child the best.
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, you sold yourself way too cheap to him and his family from the very beginning. You did too much, waaaaay too much that regardless of your intentions, you came out as aggressively desperate. Dating doesn't necessarily end in marriage, both parties ought to check each other out and get to know more about each other. If either or both parties decide they don't want to be together, they end the relationship. With alllllllll you did, you do really think it would be easy for any man to end the courtship even if he doesn't want you anymore? Most men will give you a semblance of a marriage then plot their exit strategy.
ReplyDeleteHoney, I wouldn't be surprised if his parents, or at least his mum, planned this with him even before the so called marriage. Gone are the days were you slave away just to please a boyfriend to show you are a wife material. After washing his toilet and scrubbing his bathroom, he will look for the sassy chic with well manicured nails who will come home with him and use the bathroom you've washed. He ought to do the heavy lifting during courtship, you pay him back when you become his wife.
Oh! My love, my heart bleeds for you because I know you had the best intentions which, unfortunately backfired. I know you think you're in love, but can't you see you are on your own? Once your family returns the bride price, the sham of marriage is over. It's still early days so I understand why your parents want to wait for 2 years, but as reality gradually sets in, they will do the needful sooner.
Please sweetie, move out of that house with whatever is left of your dignity. Never stay a day longer in a place you aren't wanted. Please let go of that desperation. They are trying to smoke you out like a rat, please don't behave like a rat. They will start with the icy treatment to frustrate you out, if you still refuse to take the obvious hint, you may end up like most rats, poisoned. Honey I know you are still in the denial stage of grief and you believe he would come back to you, please believe from a safe distance. The first step is to leave his family house while you still can. If you want to give this conman another 2 years of your life and accept him if he returns... I pray you come to your senses before then.
e-hugs and kisses.
Girls should learn not to fend for a wretched man. If he says there is no money, please play along tell him you don't have money too especially where there are no children. You can go out eat and clean mouth. Men don't like a person does not make them to be a man.He might play along to get things from you, once money enters , he will see you as being too desperate to keep the union. Quietly move out of that house and take care of yourself, your own husband will come hopeful you have learnt your lesson.
ReplyDeleteHmmm...but why are some people so ungrateful? I'm speechless.
ReplyDeleteThe family are users yeah, but then poster showed them manipulative kindness. Kindness that is forced upon the receiver, kindness that expects something in return. She pleased them and groveled at their feet and wanted marriage in return. One side love is not love, it's obsession. Even if the inlaws still like you, they can't force their son home. He is an adult and will make his own decisions. Poster read Ronalda's post here and Chimamanda's speech about likeability.
DeleteBetter leave that house
ReplyDeleteWe human's are not wiser than God; are we?
ReplyDeleteThen the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
He gave you a husband, blessed him with a "good job". But you connived with him to abandon it and
take the illicit route; "3 months visa to UK". How was that converted into permanent residency/or citizenship
to enable him enlist in the Army?
Of course, he married an Oyinbo and probably have kids with her.
The man is a combat hardened soldier and im don yarn you the truth..."suffering"
Wetin be the problem with Naija girls; must everybody go abroad? 😯😯
A wise woman dey arrange her home but a foolish one dey carry hand scatter am.
What to do? Ask am point blank question. The answer isn't going to be nice;
"Did you marry there to be able to get a working paper in the Army?"
(That is if you did not actually connive with him to marry a white lady for papers)
Then you can take it on from there....
He probably told his family about a new girl he met there. Poor people thinks everybody abroad is rich lol so they are probably waiting for the new woman to start sending them pounds. This is the more reason she asked you to put that gift down... More like what do you want me to do with this, when our new in law is about to send foreign money?. Please move on. At this point your husband and in laws do not love u anymore.
ReplyDeleteThe man's behavior did not shock me. It is your own beuhaviour and at such a young age that shocked me. Move out of that house asap and move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteAda.
Which UK Army? Is it the same UK that i am in or Ukraine ? with visiting visa you can NEVER get any job unless its all those cash at hand job. Infact with visiting/ tourist visa you cant marry in the country. I highly doubt he is here legally so coming back to Nigeria legally will not be anytime soon
ReplyDeleteWill you keep quiet my friend. What you don't know is bigger than you. Inshort with expire visa, you'll be taken into UK Army.
DeleteI will not reduce myself to your level. I am a British citizen (not through magu magu means like you ) when they are strict with other employment its now their army they will be allow every tom dick and harry. Do you research before displaying foolery. Even during my application to the armed forces a copy of my passport was required.
DeleteSee your grammar with your British citizen...mtschewwww
DeleteThey can let you in the army
DeleteDon't mind these ignoramuses o, UK Army for where? They will come and put the security of their country in the hands of an illegal immigrant. Standard job sef requires paper not to mention army loun loun.
DeletePoster please leave your husband family house. Thank God ure still young.i assume you av a job so u can take care of urself and baby.move on.if he is yours he and his family will come back and beg u. Your destiny is not tied to his.you will be amazed on what you can achieve alone with ur self.
ReplyDeleteHe is really Ungrateful ,let's just forget how low you priced yourself in his family before marriage. I won't judge you further, na falling in love cause am. Biko listen to advise here and move out of the family house, stop checking on them, if he comes back anytime and still feel anything for you, he will look for u, he can reach you if he unblocks you. But if he doesn't, contact them when you are ready for a divorce and move on with your child/life, life happens dear. This suggestions here may be difficult because you love him but sweetie face reality and face your front. Don't forget to give your life to Christ, that is what matters most...regards
ReplyDeleteThe annoying chronicles keeps coming!
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with some of you women?
Come on..., you go to a man's family house to sweep every week, who sweeps the compound your parents that sponsored your education lives in
You are trying to please ungrateful people, the more you try, the more they'll frustrate you.
Please, move out of that family house (I hate it when parents tell their kids to remain in penury all in the name of marriage)
Go and rent an apartment. I am very happy that you are a working class girl, so you have nothing to be scared of.
Whenever he calls you again, make sure you record your conversation with him. Do not give his family upper hand to rubbish you.
Now that you still have your sanity, find a way to move out of that house little by little without making any fuss about it. Continue to show them love while you accomplish your plans.
Did you get your mother any mothers day gift?
Don't try making up for anything, especially when you haven't wronged anyone.
Your husband is an ungrateful human being.... If he stops calling you, after a while (that's after you have rented your own apartment) go to your family and tell them to return your bride price.
I want to believe you guys haven't procreate yet.
Don't know what to tell you cos you're married already but for the single: Love is giving and receiving. If you are doing all the giving, there's a chance you're not loved back or valued. Walk away from unrequited love. Rejection doesn't kill. You deserve to be with someone who loves you, and they too deserve to be with someone they can fully love. Staying in such relationship is manipulative.. you alone sweating and sacrificing, trying to love him into loving you..giving giving giving, fixing their brokenness, trying to buy their gratitude and indebtedness.. so tomorrow you'll say.."after all I did for him"....no honey that's forced, selfish and manipulative. Let them go, it hardly ever works out. Once they no longer need your care and money, off they go. Stay alone until you find balance: you love them, and they love you back.
ReplyDeleteWomen stop selling urselves short,stop slaving with these men in d name of building, stop suffering for nothing,ur reward is in heaven! No one loves better than a broke man,broke men are always faithful and loving but once small cash enters u will see their truest colors,go after rich men,be selfish for once,at least u know u got something out of the relationship.some of these men aren't worth shit,imagine how u turned urself to a cleaner cos of man.money u should have used to start a business after ur service or buy an asset for urself u spent it on a man!!u sold urself way too cheap sister
ReplyDeleteI don't know why women feel they can buy love. A man who loves you loves you whether you give him a penny or not. If you're so kind like mother teresa that you can't help but give, then give only to a man who has earned your trust and loyalty. Let's be wise please and stop wounding ourselves with our own foolishness.
ReplyDeleteDon't trust the humility of a poor man.
ReplyDeletePoster, the guy never loved you from the go. He wedded you traditionally to compensate you for your kindness to him. He has used and dumped you, don’t allow his family to use you further, move out of that house and start your life afresh. The truth is, that marriage has packed up, you just don’t want to come to terms with yourself, if not, his family won’t change towards you no matter what.
ReplyDeleteHahahahhahhahahaahahahahaaaa
ReplyDeleteHe has told you he is a changed person and you will never have him in your life but you are still there becauseeee??! O! Sorry I forgot? You are an Iroko tree, stand well oo. Don't worry, you will soon be swept away by Hurricane New Wife🌪🌪🌪🌪.
When you were doing all those rubbish, did he beg you? I can't detect even one drop of love in this entire story. Na so una go dey fling body, they do work no pay, for no reason. Be there pressing phone, have you scrubbed the toilet today? Be like you no wan chop this night.
And please it's Corp member incase of next time. National service personnel🙄.
Shakara, don't be a dunce! Not everyone on this blog is Nigerian.
DeleteAnd yes, National Service Personnel is right for Ghanaians...
Move out from the family house and end the marriage,the man is scum.
ReplyDeleteMOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE AND START ATTENDING MFM FOR PRAYERS START YOUR MID NIGHT PRAYERS
ReplyDeleteWhat a horrible situation!ohmygowd
ReplyDeleteThis kind thing fit make person run mad.
Poster its a pity you are in this situation, its time to fire prayer like never before,get engaged in prayers o cos you need it. Then move out of the family house,go back to your parents house,I believe you are still working and can take care of your bills. This your husband looks like who dem jazz,or he is just an ingrate who entered UK & married a white woman. But what man cannot do ,God can,try to keep your head up while you pray for Gods intervention... It is well with you
Leave now before Acrimony season II happens, get a place of your own, build your life, if you have the money means leave the country, either you leave or stay, make sure you become successful, he will come back, when he comes make sure he meets the better version of you, if possible be married to someone better.
ReplyDeleteReturn that bride price and move on. You were not a wife to him, simply a stepping stone, he and his family have used you finish and are done witb you.
ReplyDeleteMaintain the self respect you have and move on.
We men can be really heartless Haba!
ReplyDeleteThank God you know. One that wanted to get me pregnant by force claiming age is not on his side at 38 and that he can't marry me except I am pregnant first. It is a must in their family.
DeleteAll of a sudden without quarrel he changed on me. Always forming busy at work, doesn't call again. I was just imagining,what if I got pregnant for him. Is this how I will carry the pregnancy alone ?
He kuku never saw a kobo of my money and no pregnancy. I have moved on. I wish this Poster never got pregnant. She wld have left since and not continue to receive this abuse in the name of marriage.
Find out why your husband is angry with you. Everything you’ve done doesn’t mean he must tolerate bad behavior . Move out of the house and ask him to tel you why he’s annoyed. From what i read you called your parents to complain and they called him to discuss it. Check that whole conversation and if they were condescending to him or you were then apologize and let it rest. Not everything is abandonment. Not sure why you had to have your parents involved
ReplyDeleteDid you read where the man said he was a changed man, and she can never have him in her life? Poster, move on
DeleteYeah he has changed from that poor man she was feeding and talking to anyhow. We need to be careful when helping . Just cause you’re feeding someone doesn’t mean you should be rude. The moment they find their own food they will leave you
DeleteIf you were like that when he was depending on you, apologize properly
The only this I want to comment on is the "National Service Personnel”. Madam biko it's Corps member or Corper for short biko. Stop trying so hard
ReplyDelete😂
DeleteI was confused at first, wondering if they are Nigerians.
To the meat of the matter, you did too much. Leave that place and start all over again. God's favour will be with you.
Please, stop calling Jesus to express surprise or shock. It's disrespectful.
ReplyDeleteWhen it's his turn to sweep, u come around to sweep, while his Sister and mother would be home? Hmmmm why do i feel dis story is cooked?🤔 But u forgot to add Maggie
ReplyDeletePoster , i won't just advise you, i will do so based on experience. I did the same for my EX. His family seemed so grateful to me. Till he asked me to join him in the US. I foolishly believed it was for the best. I packed up my life and left to a land of the unknown. Till i went out of status, he kept posting and postponing his family going to meet with mine and our wedding. Eventually his mom also visited the US (on my prompting oh!). You won't believe under my nose he filed for her while i was still working odd jobs coz i had no papers. Long and short of it, i moved out after i smelt the coffee, i was tired of being their housegirl while proving that i was worth marrying. I'm still out of status, his mom has a green card and he has impregnated and married someone else out of nowhere just months after i left his house. His family dots on her while i am still struggling to find my footing. The lady is due any minute now sef. Only one of his uncles and his younger brother condemned what his family did to me. I used to cry everyday because it hurt so bad. Luckily God sent me a wonderful man a year ago. He proposed last week and he is stable in all areas. My dear, wait till December but if nothing changes please leave. Don't be in denial if the signs are there. Because if you don't leave you won't receive what God has in store for you. I wish you well.
ReplyDeleteDamn. The heart of man eh
DeleteRead to the part where I saw you were just 28! I fainted! Thought you were almost 40! I've never seen such desperation before in my entire life! You're a very foolish girl! Mind you, I have no advice for a dunce, dumb styling girl like you! Tueeeeeeh, God forbids bad thing!
ReplyDeleteYou need to leave that place. Now. You are married to yourself, the man is long gone, he and his family are trying to frustrate you till you move out. Leave before they waste you.
ReplyDeleteBlame her parents. They raised her up wrongly - to be subservient to a man regardless of how she is treated.
ReplyDeleteIt's right there staring us in the face, where they told her to wait for 2 more years!!!
Sad.
You married a mommy's boy sorry
ReplyDeletePlease no one should blame her she's got "saviour syndrome" it's inborn, saving broken people is like project for people with saviour syndrome,they won't stop until they see the end of it and most times they always get hurt
ReplyDelete